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We Read Movies

71 Episodes

90 minutes | May 12, 2022
Kept Boy
Sorry it's late! Chris decided to eat at a disreputable but delicious teriyaki place and then be bedridden for 3 days with the worst case of food poisoning he's ever had, but this week, we watched the 2017 movie Kept Boy. When an aging sugar baby feels his boyfriend falling for the pool boy, he tries to win him back through trickery. But is it really him who's being tricked? Or the audience, by the most ridiculous twist ending we've ever seen? Also, will this experience teach Chris anything about being more selective about where he eats? Probably not Topics discussed: Chris describes more of the gay porno "Boy Band" That time when Elon Musk injecting twink blood Tom Bombadil but gay Scheme, heists, capers and hijinx The sexual preferences of owls We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
82 minutes | Apr 25, 2022
B&B
This week, the very funny and excellent Duncan Robertson (author of Visegrad: A Novel) joined us to talk about the 2017 film B&B. When husbands Marc and Fred return to the B&B they were kicked out of one year ago for being gay, they find themselves embroiled in a murder plot so weird that even after talking about it for several hours, we're still a little hazy on the details. Will they survive the night? Is that hot Russian gangster there to kill them or bang them? What kind of a B&B doesn't have wifi and why would anyone stay there? Let's find out! Topics discussed: The national sport of dogging Dad dick Label makers How many drinks would it take to turn a guy gay? The Chuck Tingle Tabletop Roleplaying Game Links mentioned in this episode: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/visegrad-duncan-robertson/1139320295 We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
82 minutes | Apr 11, 2022
Death Drop Gorgeous
This week, we watched the 2020 movie Death Drop Gorgeous. Not to confused with that other movie with a similar name, this one is about a slasher stalking the streets of gay Providence, RI. Can the case be solved by a down on his luck bartender, or an aging drag queen, or a pair of detectives one of whom looks like he's a literal baby? Or is one of the aforementioned people secretly the killer? Let's find out! Topics discussed: That episode of Star Trek where they all get horny for each other Shaving pubic hair Glory holes and what might be behind them Chris Describes a Porno Way too much Drag Race talk even for us We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
88 minutes | Mar 28, 2022
Red Ribbon Blues
This week, we watched Red Ribbon Blues, a 1996 HIV medication heist film starring Paul Mercurio, Lipsinka, Debi Mazar, and RuPaul, but don't get too excited by the cast because it's not very good. It does, however, introduce us to a certain cop named Detective Bones. Topics discussed: Air Bud as a cop Batman villains are weird What could these red ribbons mean We're making an art wish list The unfortunate history of the appetite suppressing chocolate called Ayds Links mentioned in this episode: https://www.thirdplacebooks.com/event/duncan-robertson-visegrad-capitol-hill-cider https://www.amazon.com/Visegrad-Novel-Duncan-Robertson/dp/1734537930 We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
70 minutes | Mar 14, 2022
Querelle
This week, we watched the classic gay art house film Querelle. Ostensibly about murder, sailors and sex, it goes off the rails as soon as a lusty ship's lieutenant stsrts recording his inner most thoughts, and we have an absolute blast with it Topics discussed: How to masturbate without getting jizz on your pajamas Thoughts of the sea naturally leading to thoughts of murder Dating your twin It's not gay if you enjoy it We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
75 minutes | Feb 28, 2022
Groupers
This week, we watched the incoherent 2019 moVie "Groupers". What starts as an Incoherent revenge plot to turn two homophobeS gay by connEcting them at the dick gets even weirder when a ganG of neo-nazis show up to Ruin everything. And if thAt description makes it sound like the fun kind of baD, you've been fooled the same way we were. Topics discussed: Commercials on Tubi The worst college bar experiences Boners are complicated Skipping the pivotal first thirty seconds of a movie Links mentioned in this episode: https://www.amazon.com/Visegrad-Novel-Duncan-Robertson/dp/1734537930 We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
76 minutes | Feb 14, 2022
Wedding Wars
This week, we watched the 2006 John-Stamos-plays gay TV movie Wedding Wars. When a gay wedding planner finds out that his brother is deeply homophobic, he organizes a gay strike that spoiler alert goes nowhere and does nothing. But we've got a star studded cast at least! Topics discussed: Will and Grace The many problems plaguing the town of Derry, Maine Republican campaign ads The very on the nose naming of Gay dot com Marriage We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
72 minutes | Jan 31, 2022
D'Agostino
This week, we watched the 2012 movie D'Agostino, which bills itself as an gay movie, and which had us all sold the minute we saw the description in Tubi used the words "human clone." Is it one of the most wild movies we've ever talked about? Yes. Is it actually gay? Well.... Find out! Topics discussed: How long does it take to make a stew? Eric references some pretentious theater Reviews are out of control Ahhhhhhhhhh! We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
74 minutes | Jan 17, 2022
Complete Strangers
This week, we watched the 2020 movie Complete Strangers. When a guy with retrograde amnesia meets a guy who is very clearly trying to murder him, they instantly fall in love. What follows makes even less sense than that premise. Will our hero survive? Will our podcast hosts? Topics discussed: Pornhub Ratings Gaslighting Romantic baths are disgusting We're super bad at accents, but we're better than the actors are Gay Tommy Wiseau We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
66 minutes | Jan 3, 2022
Strapped
This week, we watched the too-pretentious-even-for-Chris 2010 movie Strapped. When a hustler becomes trapped in an Alice in Wonderland like apartment building, he's gotta unsexily bone his way out, changing his personality and name with each encounter. And maybe, just maybe, the studio execs will decide that he needs to find love along the way. Topics discussed: How did Nixon like to self-pleasure? Mythical creatures The patron saint of bottoms How much would you charge for a kiss? Would Kirby give better head than Nancy Reagan? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
31 minutes | Dec 27, 2021
SHORTS: Catfish Killer
This week, we're bringing you our lost short episode, The Catfish Killer. The movie's about a guy and he's slashing people who catfished him, but that's not important and we barely talk about it. We mostly do some Fast and Furious ASMR Topics discussed: Which Mario character would be into NFTs? Using hashtags in front of words The Fast and also The Furious A gritty Pete and Pete horror movie where Petunia issues dark commands We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
69 minutes | Dec 20, 2021
The Christmas Setup
This week, we watched the 2020 Lifetime movie,The Christmas Setup. When an overbearing mother (Fran Drescher) sets her son up with a handsome millionaire computer genius who invented an app that can tell the future, he's initially annoyed. But soon he comes to realize that this guy is actually kind of a catch. Also they save an abandoned train station that's in danger of being torn down to make room for something that would actually help people. Topics discussed: NIMBY-ism Nancy Reagan's unparallelled throat game Chris's ex wrote a song praising his butt Drew's mother hasn't seen a movie since 1988 Eric has a lot of opinions about sandwiches We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
75 minutes | Dec 6, 2021
Everything is Free
This week, we talked about the 2017 movie Everything is Free. When Ivan, an American painter living in Colombia, is visited by his straight best friend, Cole, and Cole's supposedly straight younger brother, Christian, Ivan and Christian start confusingly falling in love. Also they meet a cult leader who worms his way into their house, but that doesn't really matter to the plot that much. Topics discussed: "Do you make me horny?" Sex sounds Chris names some nu metal bands he knows Spit as lube We used to think straight people existed The Twilight Zone We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
67 minutes | Nov 22, 2021
On the Other Hand Death
This week, we watched the third in the Donald Strachey mystery movies, On the Other Hand Death. When a greedy land developer plans to do something confusingly illegal, it's up to the world's greatest gay detective Donald Strachey to save a lesbian couple from being run out of town. Can he solve the case, or will they have to move to Vermont and open up a B&B (which is their actual plan)? Topics discussed: Love dice A Libertarian Christmas Carol Why do elephants have trunks and not tentacles? How does Kel feel about Keenan's success? Stephen King books are weird We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
83 minutes | Nov 8, 2021
Homewrecker
This week, we talked about the 2009 movie Homewrecker, a movie where the cover prominently advertises that it features Tiffany from the Eating Out Series. When a wannabe actor infiltrates the home of two gay tv producers, he'll do everything he can to be in their next show, including a very convoluted and incoherent plot to break them up or something. Can they thwart his evil advances? Can they finish the concept for their new reality show? Will Tiffany actually make an appearance? Let's find out! Topics discussed: Tubi ads Who likes ribbed condoms? Having sex through a hole in a sheet What is a reality show? Let's all hate on James Corden a little We body shame people more attractive than us We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
84 minutes | Oct 25, 2021
Cthulhu
This week, we watched the 2007 film Cthulhu, a very loose gay retelling of the HP Lovecraft story,The Shadow Over Innsmouth. With an ambitious story, over the top acting, some truly terrible wigs and Tori Spelling, how could it not be great? Topics discussed: Boxes full of hands How many babies could you beat up? More sexy Pokemon The Cult of The Jerk Shack Chris read the book and he's not gonna shut up about it Spoilers, but Cthulhu never shows up We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
79 minutes | Oct 11, 2021
Spiral
This week, getting in the Halloween spirit early, we watched the 2019 horror movie Spiral. When a former club kid (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman) moves to the suburbs with his wet blanket husband, he uncovers a cult that plans to use homophobia to live forever. Also he meets a ghost who hands him some video tapes that explain the whole plot but that he refuses to watch. Topics discussed: Gay Knockoff Transformers The strange racket that is Neapolitan pizza Butthole bleaching 4 What do straight people like? 5 Rob Ford 6 #WhoIsTheGuyOnTheBridge Links mentioned in this episode: https://external-preview.redd.it/dNIPNmzS6rv35wISMmLVTYqIcaDmI4rzlzLjbz8kb60.jpg?auto=webp&s=f01a322eaa2eb46d072c0db36223d486f4a735b8 We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
86 minutes | Sep 27, 2021
Angels With Tethered Wings
This week, we watched the soft core porn pretending to be an actual movie Angels With Tethered Wings. When twink porn stars Grant and Timmy are murdered, they come back as zombies for revenge. And also there's a missing briefcase full of money, and an undercover mob boss, and a gravedigger who has sex with corpses, and a million flashbacks. This movie is impossible to explain, so listen to us stumble around trying to for a long time! Topics discussed: Drew's top ten nuts Where do Cenobites come from? Vagina keys The differences between zombies and angels Nanny McPhee Fantasia We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
82 minutes | Sep 13, 2021
Boy Culture
This week, because the long awaited sequel series is supposed to be coming out any day now, we talked about the 2006 film Boy Culture. Set in our hometown of Seattle, the film centers around X, an $5000/hr male prostitute who slut shames his friends, is casually racist and generally sucks. Can he find love with his roommate, even though he doesn't deserve it? Let's find out! Topics discussed: Ghost nut The economics of extremely high-end escorts Commercials about pooping Being sexually aroused by tragedy Seattle businesses that don't exist anymore A tight five on Mr Peanut What if McGruff the Crime Dog teamed up with a bird to solve murders? We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
88 minutes | Aug 30, 2021
Steam Room Stories: The Movie
This week, we watched the 2019 movie Steam Room Stories: The Movie, based on the long running queerbait-y web series of the same name. When an evil cosmetics mogul (Tracy Lords) tries to take over a steam room that's also the legendary Fountain of Youth, it's up to five studs, as stupid as they are sexy, to save the day. Topics discussed: Boys Gone Wild The "good" part of the dick Wet t-shirt contests Comedy Porn parody names We Read Movies This podcast is hosted by ZenCast.fm
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