Listen Now

Well that was fun.- Name calling… Insults… Everybody talking over each other… But enough about yesterday’s episode of “The View”. - At least Trump didn’t walk over and “Stalk” Biden like he did during the Hillary debate… and Joe didn’t go over and take a sniff of Don’s hair… So it wasn’t a TOTAL disaster. But pretty darn close. ***** Five Parrots at a Wildlife Park were put in a “time out” after they began shouting insults at park guests. - Here’s an idea… Now that they’ve learned the term “Time Out”… why don’t we hire THE FIVE PARROTS to moderate the next debate??? *****A new study found that narcissists are more likely to become politicians. - If you watched last night’s debate you already knew that. *****Amazon has added a “mail box sensor” to its RING home monitoring system that will tell you if your mail is being tampered with. - Isn’t that what dogs are for?? ***** The Mayor of London is banning household visits as a way of slowing the spread of coronavirus. - Turns out the Queen asked him to do it to keep Harry and Meghan from coming home for Christmas. *****Sweden is seeing a rise in Coronavirus cases after weeks of stability. - Turns out everybody bought their masks at IKEA and they haven’t figured out how to put ‘em together yet.***** RIP… Helen Reddy whose 1971 hit “I Am Woman” became an Anthem for the Feminist Movement has died at age 78. *****Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!-Dick

President Trump and Joe Biden will debate for the first time tonight in Cleveland… and it’s expected to be the most-watched television Presidential debate in History. - If you don’t count the one between Mr. Belvedere and Ollie Fretter. It was the epic battle between “We Do Good Work” and “I’ll Give You Five Pounds of Coffee If I Can’t Beat Your Best Deal”. *****Ratings for the debate are expected to be Huge. - Or as Trump would say… “Uge”. *****Delaware State University says Joe Biden DID NOT attend the historically Black college despite Joe’s claims that he went to school there. - Joe’s stories remind me of my Dad. For years he told me he was the “Chin-Up Champ of Ohio”. I checked with the Ohio Office of Sports Records and they told me they’d never heard of him. (True!)*****A new study claims you have less than a 1% chance of catching COVID-19 while flying. - But if you join the Mile High Club, you have an 80% chance of catching something else. *****Residents of Lake Jackson, Texas have been warned not to drink the tap water because it may contain a Brain Eating Amoeba. - But being a Glass is Half-Full kind of guy… Movie Theaters and Bowling Alley’s open next week!*****Mike Tyson will be voting for the first time ever in this election thanks to a Nevada law that restores voting rights for felons. - Mike says his Vote is “Earmarked for Biden!”*****Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!-Dick

Agricultural experts are warning that the U.S. is facing a “Time-Bomb” explosion of millions of “SUPER PIGS” that can reproduce at just 3 months old, grow up to 400lbs and destroy thousands of square miles of farms and livestock. - Yeah… but think about all the BACON! - So I guess we’ll be seeing a new round of rioting and protests demanding that Cities “Defund the Super Pigs”. *****British PM Boris Johnson has tightened Covid restrictions amid fears of a 2nd wave of the virus - and Toilet Paper is once again hard to find. - Oh Crap. *****President Trump told Bob Woodward that when it comes to “picking judges” he’s the best President since George Washington. - There are other similarities too… they’re both known for their Hair… White for Washington and Orange for Trump. *****The NY Times claims that what appears to be low turnout of Biden supporters at campaign stops compared to Trump is REALLY due to people observing “Social Distancing”. - Yeah, well maybe that… plus not as many people showing up??*****Due to the Pandemic, The CDC is “discouraging” costume masks, parties and Trick or Treating on Halloween.- Great. What am I supposed to do with all the Chunky Soup I’ve already bought to hand out to the the little nippers?? *****Retailers are worried about how Social Distancing will affect Black Friday shopping. - You’ve gotta admit… It’s hard to punch someone and rip a Big Screen TV out of their hands while you’re standing 6 feet away. *****Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!-Dick

Police were called on a homeowner in Mason, Michigan who put a toilet on his front lawn with a sign reading “Put Mail-In Ballots Here.” An election official had complained that people might be confused and think the toilet is a Polling Place. - You mean that Port-a-Potty on the side of the road that I voted in last week WASN’T a polling place??*****The death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has split the country again over when her vacancy should be filled. - This country is getting split more often than Michael Moores pants.*****Joe Biden made yet another gaffe over the weekend… claiming that “200 MILLION people have died from Covid 19” in the U.S. - He then when on to offer his condolences on the death of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Buzzi Ginsburg. *****The Secret Service intercepted a package at the White House that was addressed to the President and allegedly contained Ricin, a lethal poison. - Trump tweeted: “See? I was RIGHT AGAIN about the Dangers of Voting by Mail. SAD!!!”*****Flight attendants will rally outside of Senator Debbie Stabenow's office today to demand action on COVID-19 relief. - But due to Covid restrictions the flight attendants announced that there will be NO BEVERAGE SERVICE during the rally. *****Because they had a Space Probe land there some years ago, the head of Russia’s space agency has declared that Venus is a “Russian Planet”. - Obviously this guy has his head up Uranus.*****Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!-Dick

While speaking to a group of small business owners in Arizona VP Candidate Kamala Harris accidentally said they will have a friend in “The HARRIS Administration”. - Sure… An “Accident”… Right…- No wonder Joe’s staying in his basement. He’s afraid Kamala’s gonna take him out. *****Jeopardy! began it’s 37th Season last night with contestants remaining at “Socially Distanced” podiums and host Alex Trebek staying at his podium when he talks with contestants. - Bottom line: I still got most of the questions wrong. *****We should know if their Coronavirus vaccine works by the end of October according to Pfizer, the maker of Viagra. - October?? I thought they’re stuff usually worked in 30 minutes. At least that’s what Big Al told me…*****Kanye West called himself “The New Moses” and says he won’t release any new music for the foreseeable future. - PROMISE?? *****Taco Bell is selling its own custom $19-a-bottle wine called “Jalapeño Noir”. - This is Nacho everyday Red Wine. - Who among us hasn’t been looking for a red wine with hints of Hot Pepper and a Refried Bean finish? ***** A man relieved himself in the driveway of Nancy Pelosi’s home in San Francisco. - Remember the good old days when all you left in San Francisco was your Heart?? *****Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!-Dick