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In today's episode, you'll hear Amber and I talk: about why we need to reckon with our idolatry of marriage how we can build community and family as singles why kids and parents need a comprehensive understanding of sexual stewardship beyond the birds and the bees talk many of us received and ways single parents can ask for help with hard conversations Amber is the Vice President of Impact and Parent Resources at Equip, the premier consulting and training solution for churches seeking to become places where LGBT+ Christians thrive for a lifetime according to a historic Christian sexual ethic. She teaches parents how to have compassionate, theologically accurate, and age-appropriate conversations about sexual stewardship with their young kids. You can follow Amber on Facebook and Instagram @ambergarrettcarroll. For the resource list Amber mentioned or any other inquiries, DM her or reach out via email to amber@equipyourcommunity.org. Equip's Parent Course is available at equipyourcommunity.org/parentcourse.  This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately, a lot of wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode and to be a part of a community where your voice matters! We hope to see you there! Singles find themselves in a lot of awkward situations at church. When you take The Single Christian Derptitude test, choose your knee-jerk reaction to each prompt and learn your social superpower. Think of it like an aptitude test... for all the weird things people say to singles at church. Take this fun, free quiz at marybsafrit.com.Support the show

In this episode, you'll hear Henry and Benaiah talk about:  The people, communities, and universes we miss out on when we enforce purity culture Purity culture throughout the years—and its impact in high school, college, young adulthood, and beyond  Abandoning the controlling nature of purity culture by releasing and letting go of control  The macro and micro decisions, choices, and responsibilities we get to exercise as part of our freedom and agency  Surrendering to the power and unexpected encounters and nudges of the Holy Spirit Benaiah Brown is a Spirit-filled entrepreneur and alternative therapist from Fort Worth, TX with an MBA from Acton School of Business. He practices RFR, a naturopathic process that uses remote muscle testing to find and release subconscious blocks to health and success, including beliefs, trauma, spiritual problems, and nutritional issues. In his spare time he drinks coffee, eats red meat, and makes videos of his chickens.  Originally from Kenya and currently based in Fort Worth, Texas, Henry Abuto is a Christian man who writes on Faith, Friendships, Sexuality, Race, Jesus, and a host of other topics. He loves hosting dinner parties, running, live music, deep friendships, red wine, Beyonce, and all things Texas. You can follow Benaiah on Instagram @benaiah.brown and learn more about his work at benaiahbrown.com. Henry is on Instagram @bywasanga and on Twitter @henryabuto. Be sure to check out his website, henryabuto.com.  The Single Christian's Church Survival Guide isn’t a book about how to get un-single. It's about how to navigate a culture obsessed with marriage as a human who is not married. Let’s face it. Singles experience a lot of weird situations in the church. From the unwanted advice about our relationship status to the unspoken pressures of singleness, it can feel like no one knows what to do with us. These experiences are so common, we might start to wonder if we’re the weird ones. Head to Amazon and get your copy now! Support the show

In today's episode, you're going to hear Bridget and I talk about: how modern context twists the intended message of Scripture who gets forgiveness the social forces that created and perpetuated purity culture and ways to shape our culture and society in a healthier direction Bridget provides support to churches and ministries seeking to improve their relationship with the LGBTQ community. A leading voice on gay celibacy in the church, Bridget helps Christians better grapple with gender and sexuality in a divided culture. She has worked with a number of faith-based organizations, including Revoice, Christians for Social Action, and Preston Sprinkle's Center for Faith, Sexuality, and Gender, where she contributed to the Digital Leaders Forum. The recipient of multiple fellowship awards, she is completing her PhD in sociology at the CUNY Graduate Center and serves as an adjunct professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Her first book, Heavy Burdens (Brazos Press 2022), was a Foreword INDIES 2022 Finalist in religion. *As a heads up, Bridget and I talk quite a bit about sexual assault and abuse, and predatory behavior. It starts around the 20-minute mark. If that will be triggering for you, please take care whilst listening.*  Singles find themselves in a lot of awkward situations at church. When you take The Single Christian Derptitude test, choose your knee-jerk reaction to each prompt and learn your social superpower. Think of it like an aptitude test... for all the weird things people say to singles at church. Take this fun, free quiz at marybsafrit.com. You can follow Bridget on Instagram and Twitter @travelingnun. Check out her writing on her website, meditationsofatravelingnun.com. Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ People Experience Harm in the Church is available wherever you buy books. Support the show

In this episode, Matthias and I talk about:  why generosity feels terrifying—but is actually the thing that will free us  why survivors of purity culture must rebuild trust with self the unique shame those of us with little to no sexual experience might have and how to move through it and the importance of letting ourselves make mistakes Matthias Roberts (he/him) is a queer psychotherapist, podcaster, and author of Beyond Shame: Creating a Healthy Sex Life on Your Own Terms. He hosts Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being and co-hosts Selfie alongside fellow therapist Kristen Howerton. Matthias holds two master’s degrees, one in Theology & Culture and one in Counseling Psychology from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. Matthias’ work has been featured by O: The Oprah Magazine, Bustle, Woman’s Day, Sojourners, The Seattle Times, and many others. He is a Fellow at the Allender Center, a nonprofit helping survivors of trauma and abuse heal by stepping courageously into their stories of pain and harm. In his psychotherapy practice, Matthias specializes in helping LGBTQ+ people recover from religious and spiritual trauma so they might live confident and fulfilling lives. He writes and speaks nationwide about the intersections between gender, sexuality, mental health, and theology.  You can follow Matthias on Twitter and Instagram @matthiasroberts. Listen to Queerology and Selfie wherever you get your podcasts. You can pre-order his upcoming book, Holy Runaways, wherever you buy books.  Singles find themselves in a lot of awkward situations at church. When you take The Single Christian Derptitude test, choose your knee-jerk reaction to each prompt and learn your social superpower. Think of it like an aptitude test... for all the weird things people say to singles at church. Take this fun, free quiz at marybsafrit.com. This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately, a lot of wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode and to be a part of a community where your voice matters! We hope to see you there! If you're a fan of the podcast, please like, rate, and review! Support the show

In this episode, Kendall and I talk about: what bread can teach us about unmet longing the struggle to capture and communicate the single experience the connection between diet culture and purity culture And what it looks like to let God meet our needs in unexpected ways Today you get to hear from a guest who was on our podcast back in season 5. We are so pumped to have Kendall Vanderslice back in the house. Kendall is a baker, writer, and speaker, as well as the founder of the Edible Theology Project, a ministry that connects the Communion table to the kitchen table. She is a graduate of Wheaton College (BA Anthropology), Boston University (MLA Gastronomy), and Duke Divinity School (Master of Theological Studies). Her bylines include Christianity Today, Bitter Southerner, Christian Century, Religion News Service, and Faith & Leadership, as well as her book We Will Feast (Eerdmans 2019). Kendall lives in Durham, North Carolina, with her big-eared beagle named Strudel, where she teaches workshops on bread baking as a spiritual practice.  You can follow Kendall on Instagram @knvslice and @edibletheologyproject. Visit her online at www.kendallvanderslice.com. By Bread Alone is available today wherever you buy books. You can listen to her podcast, Kitchen Meditations, wherever you get your podcasts.  This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately, a lot of wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode and to be a part of a community where your voice matters! We hope to see you there! The Single Christian's Church Survival Guide isn’t a book about how to get un-single. It's about how to navigate a culture obsessed with marriage as a human who is not married. Let’s face it. Singles experience a lot of weird situations in the church. From the unwanted advice about our relationship status to the unspoken pressures of singleness, it can feel like no one knows what to do with us. These experiences are so common, we might start to wonder if we’re the weird ones. Head to Amazon and get your copy now!  If you're a fan of the podcast, please like, rate, and review! Support the show

TW: Sexual Violence was mentioned around the 10-minute mark.Kelly is a delight, and in today's episode, you'll hear us talk about: how to let our beliefs and desires evolve how purity culture still affects the way we treat singles the power of challenging gender roles and learning to take up space and why we need to give ourselves room to get things wrong As a heads up, this week's episode contains a brief description of sexual violence around the 10-and-a-half-minute mark. Kelly gives a trigger warning before getting into it, but take care listening if that will be distressing for you to hear.  Kelly is a 35-year-old, consciously uncoupled (single), lifelong Texan. She is passionate about public ministry through social media and through her website, LetItMatter.com. Kelly is the creator, producer, and host of the Let It Matter Podcast, which seeks to make space for, honor, and name what matters — including everything from the Church, the Bible, faith, & theology to mental health to sex & sexuality to issues of social justice. She was also a guest cohost on the Where Do We Go From Here? podcast from July-December 2022. Kelly has been featured on several podcasts, including Interfaith Voices, as well as print media articles (WORLD Magazine, Christianity Today, and USA Today) around the topics of single adulthood, dating, and sexuality. You can follow Kelly on Twitter and Instagram @kellykwolfe. Her podcast, Let It Matter is available wherever you listen and you can follow that account on Twitter @letitmatterpod and Instagram @letitmatterpodcast. Learn more at Letitmatterpodcast.com and Letitmatter.com This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately, a lot of wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode and to be a part of a community where your voice matters! We hope to see you there! The Single Christian's Church Survival Guide isn’t a book about how to get un-single. It's about how to navigate a culture obsessed with marriage as a human who is not married. Let’s face it. Singles experience a lot of weird situations in the church. From the unwanted advice about our relationship status to the unspoken pressures of singleness, it can feel like no one knows what to do with us. These experiences are so common, we might start to wonder if we’re the weird ones. Head to Amazon and get your copy now! If you're a fan of the podcast, please like, rate, and review!  Support the show

This season we're focusing on purity culture, sexuality, and singleness. You'll hear from theologians, counselors, an educator, a sociologist, and more--each of them single and Christian and full to the brim with brilliance and heart. They also represent a range of perspectives, convictions, and life experiences. You'll hear how they are reimagining, rethinking, and reconstructing their right-now lives.  We have a dynamite season lined up for you, and we want you to be part of it! Make sure you're following me and the podcast on Instagram. I'm at maryb.safrit, and the podcast is at unsuitablepodcast. Come join us over at patreon.com/unsuitable.  Episode 1 drops on February 21, we can't wait for you to hear it!Support the show

In today’s episode, Alysia and I talk about: how writing builds empathy what it means to embody our faith and the power of being honest with yourself Dr. Alysia Nicole Harris is an award-winning poet and spoken-word artist, an educator, and a linguist. In 2008 she featured on the HBO documentary: Brave New Voices where she wowed audiences with her piece "That Girl". In 2010 Alysia graduated UPENN Summa Cum Laude with honors and was also inducted into the Phi Beta Kappa honor society. Alysia received her MFA in poetry from NYU in 2014 and her PhD in linguistics from Yale University in 2019. Alysia was also a founding member of the internationally known performance poetry collective, The Strivers Row and has garnered over 5 million views on YouTUBE. She has toured nationally for the last 10 years and also performed at the United Nations and the US Embassies in Jordan and Ukraine, as well as in Australia, Canada, Germany, Slovakia, South Africa, the UAE, and the UK.  You can check out more of Alysia’s work on her website, alysiaharris.com, on social media @ poppyinthewheat, on YouTube, and at Scalawag Magazine .org.  Think coaching could be for you, fill out the interest form here! Want the full episode? You can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there!Support the show

In this episode, you'll hear Grant and I talk about: the intersection of a deeply rooted faith and LGBTQ culture how celibacy can be life-giving spiritual and found family understanding the nuance of attraction and more! We are resharing an episode from season 5, but now you get to hear the full conversation. Grant and I recorded this conversation in November 2020. This was one of my favorite conversations, and I can't wait for y'all to hear from Grant Hartley again. Grant is a seminary student, speaker, and freelance writer living near St. Louis. He co-hosts the “Life on Side B” podcast, which facilitates conversations among Christian sexual and gender minorities on faith, sexuality, and gender.  You can follow Grant on Twitter @thegranthartley.  Think coaching could be for you, fill out the interest form here! Want the full episode? You can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there!Support the show

We've made it to the season 8 wrap up episode. We spent this whole season hearing from some awesome guests about their experience being single and in the church--the good, the bad, and the awkward. For this wrap up episode, you're going to hear our favorite clips from each episode, which I'll string together with some solid narration. Audio clips are from Henry Abuto, Matt Linden, Katelyn Beaty, Elizabeth Moore, Ekemini Uwan, Landen Swain, Kayana, Audrey Elledge, Anna Primrose, Jason Miller, Yana Jenay Conner, and Dr. Katie Gaddini. Join our Patreon Community at patreon.com/unsuitable! Fill out the interest form for 1-on-1 coaching with MaryB. here. Support the show

In this episode, Katelyn and I discuss: the intersection of celebrity and marital status in the church how cultural context impacts how we singles see ourselves the problem with singles' events at most churches the power of being part of a spiritually nourishing community and more! Katelyn Beaty is a Midwest native living in New York City and editorial director for Brazos Press. But the most important thing you should know about her is that she loves words and believes they can change the world. Katelyn served as Christianity Today magazine's youngest and first female managing editor.  She has written for The New Yorker, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and The New York Times on light topics such as politics, gender, and theology and has commented on faith and culture for CNN, ABC, NPR, Associated Press, Religion News Service, and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Katelyn enjoys exploring NYC, karaoke (post-pandemic, of course), FaceTiming with her nephew, international travel, and starting the day with the NYT Spelling Bee.  You can follow Katelyn on Instagram @katelyn_beaty and on Twitter @KatelynBeaty. Read more of her work at katelynbeaty.com. Celebrities for Jesus is available wherever you buy books.  Link to "In the Bleak Midwinter" by Richard Allain: https://soundcloud.com/dominicellispeckham/in-the-bleak-midwinter For more information on Studio Aplomb visit craftedwithaplomb.com The Single Christian's Holiday Survival Guide is available exclusively in my shop at marybsafrit.comSupport the show

In this episode, Jason and I cover: navigating relational boundaries as a single pastor what we miss when we require pastors to be married how our assumptions create barriers in our friendships why equating marriage with righteousness doesn't work and more! Jason Adam Miller is the founder and lead pastor of South Bend City Church, an eclectic Christian community known for its thoughtful teaching, inclusive vision, and commitment to its city context. An advocate for artists and peacemakers, his work beyond South Bend focuses on cultural headwaters and conflict zones, where he serves an international constituency of leaders. He holds a master’s degree in theology from the University of Notre Dame. I can't wait for y'all to hear from Jason. We cut some good stuff to keep the episode snappy. If you want access to the ad-free, full interview, you can join our Patreon community for as little as $5 per month. Join us by visiting patreon.com/unsuitable. Alright, now let's dive into the conversation.  You can follow Jason on Instagram @jasonadammiller, or head to his website jasonadammiller.com. If you want to hear more from South Bend City Church, check out their podcast wherever you listen.  The Single Christian's Holiday Survival Guide is available exclusively in my shop at marybsafrit.com.  Think coaching could be for you, fill out the interest form here! Want the full episode? You can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there!Support the show

In today's episode, you'll hear Kayana and I talk about: lessons from being raised by a single mom learning and unlearning relational patterns why the church needs to talk about marriage differently how art can help us process and heal relational wounds and more! Kayana is a singer-songwriter and producer born and raised in New York. Music was Kayana’s first language, having learned piano at age 3 from her mother, a classical and jazz pianist. Since then, she has become a multi-instrumentalist, writing and performing original songs starting at a young age. Kayana has explored various genres of music from singing in church, musical theatre, and local jazz bars. With influences ranging from H.E.R., Ella Mai, Tori Kelly, and Khalid, Kayana’s sound fuses pop and R&B with soulful and jazzy undertones. You can follow Kayana on Instagram and Tiktok @kayanamusic and you can stream Kayana's music wherever you listen. Get a copy of Kayana's Relationship  Resources that she mentioned in her episode here! The Single Christian's Holiday Survival Guide is available exclusively in my shop at marybsafrit.com.  Think coaching could be for you, fill out the interest form here! Want the full episode? You can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there!Support the show

TW: sexual assault and abuse In today’s episode, you’ll hear Matt and Anna talk about  the cost of touch deprivation Why non-sexual touch is so important how gender norms and sexuality play into our view of touch how we can move forward Anna is a 30-something single woman with a passion for singles’ advocacy in the church. She’s the founder of an online community called The Single Hearted Life, which exists to dismantle the myths about marriage and singleness in our society to cultivate a culture where single humans can thrive. Offline, Anna is a swiftie, a Star Wars fan, and a psychology student. She lives in Boise with two roommates, a cat, and a never ending reservoir of books and feelings. You can join our community at @singleheartedlife on Instagram, or connect with Anna at @annaIPrimrose1 on Twitter. Matt is a gay Christian who lives in Germany. He’s a church kid who grew up in a conservative non-denominational environment – so when he realized he was gay at 13, a 21-year battle began to reconcile his faith with his sexuality. On his blog, The Crossing, Matt tells the story of his religious trauma in memoir format. You can follow Matt on Instagram @mattlinden, and his blog is crossingblog.comThis episode is jammed packed and unfortunately a lot wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there!The Single Christian's Holiday Survival Guide is available exclusively in my shop at marybsafrit.com. Support the show

In this episode, you'll hear Yana Jenay and I talk about: the importance of being around other single Christians what to look for in a church as a single person the affect of healthy relationships between singles and leadership Yana Jenay's advice for single people and more!  Yana Jenay Conner is a writer and Bible teacher who seeks to help others think well about faith and culture. By God’s grace, she has served in full-time ministry for the past fifteen years in both the church and parachurch context and earned a Master in Divinity in Christian Ministry from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She currently serves at Vertical Church as the Discipleship Director and hosts a podcast called Living Single.  You can follow Yana Jenay on Instagram @yanajenay. Living Single with Yana Jenay is available wherever you get your podcasts. You can find more of her writing and teaching at yanajenay.com.  The Single Christian's Holiday Survival Guide is available exclusively in my shop at marybsafrit.com.  Listen to The Advent Podcast with Katie Kibbe. Support the show

In this chat, you'll hear about Mutuality: the missing ingredient in too many friendships between marrieds and singles  What single friends need from their married friends—and vice versa How to identify and express our needs—and unlearn what the Church has taught us about ignoring our need Matt is a gay Christian who lives in Germany. He’s a church kid who grew up in a conservative non-denominational environment – so when he realized he was gay at 13, a 21-year battle began to reconcile his faith with his sexuality. On his blog, The Crossing, Matt tells the story of his religious trauma in memoir format.  You can follow Matt on Instagram @mattlinden, and his blog is crossingblog.com For more information on Studio Aplomb visit craftedwithaplomb.com. Listen to The Advent Podcast with Katie Kibbe. Support the show

In this episode you'll hear about:  The weird ins and outs of Christian dating culture The underrated value of clear communication Why Landen says "if" rather than "when" when talking about marriage How purity culture reinforces ring-by-spring culture And so much more! Landen Swain is an author, viral content creator, speaker, playwright, and lyricist. Moved to compassionate action after seeing the over-complexity of Christian dating culture, Swain spent his last few years at Liberty University researching, writing, and promoting his first book, which he believes can untangle some of the problems with the culture through conversation. Currently, Swain works in Pennsylvania as a Staff Associate with Young Life. You can follow Landen on Instagram and Tiktok @detoxchristiandating. His book, Detox Christian Dating, is available on Amazon.  This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately a lot wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there! Listen to Be Known the Podcast with Kerrah Fabacher wherever you get your podcast!Support the show

In this episode, you'll hear about: untangling cultural Christian expectations  how to treat singles as whole people allowing for all feelings in singleness which kinds of relationships deserve more attention (and why) and so much more! Today is an extra special episode of Unsuitable, because you're going to get to hear from two guests at once! Audrey Elledge lives in New York, where she works at SparkNotes and serves at Church of the City New York. Elledge is the recipient of the Academy of American Poets Prize and the Virginia Beall Ball Prize. Born and raised in Louisiana, Elizabeth Moore now lives in New York, where she works at Penguin Random House and serves with the Church of the City New York creative team. We're talking to both of them at once because they co-authored a book that releases today called Liturgies for Hope. You can listen to Audrey's playlist "Sermons in Stones" on Spotify.  You can follow Elizabeth on Instagram @elizabethjmoore and Audrey on Twitter @audreymae17. Their book, Liturgies for Hope, is available wherever you buy books. You can listen to Audrey's playlist "Sermons in Stones" on Spotify. This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately a lot wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there! Think coaching could be for you, fill out the interest form here!Support the show

In today's episode, you'll hear Henry and I talk about: Holding our married friends accountable The vulnerability of sharing our suffering,  Tangible ways the church can show up for singles And so much more! Originally from Kenya and currently based in Fort Worth, Texas, Henry is a Christian man who writes on Faith, Friendships, Sexuality, Race, Jesus and a host of other topics. He loves hosting dinner parties, running, live music, deep friendships, red wine, Beyonce, and all things Texas.  You can follow Henry on Instagram and on Twitter @henryabuto. Be sure to check out his website, henryabuto.com. This episode is jammed packed and unfortunately, a lot of wisdom didn't make the final cut. Don't worry though, you can join our Patreon community to get the full episode! We hope to see you there!Think coaching could be for you? Fill out the interest form here!Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the show

In this episode, you'll hear Katie and I talk about: How the Billy Graham rule affects single women What the church gets right about community Our thoughts on "changing the church from the inside"  The specific value single women bring to the church Dr. Katie Gaddini is a sociologist at the Social Research Institute, University College London (UCL), and a research associate at the University of Johannesburg, Department of Sociology. From 2022-2026 she is a United Kingdom Research & Innovation (UKRI) Research Fellow at Stanford University and UCL. Katie holds master’s degrees from Boston College and the London School of Economics, and a PhD in Sociology from the University of Cambridge. Her debut book, The Struggle to Stay, is based on over four years of in-depth ethnographic research with single evangelical women in the US and the UK. Her current research investigates Christianity and politics in the US. Her writing has been published in Religion & Politics, LA Review of Books, The Marginalia Review, The Conversation , and more.You can follow Katie on Instagram @drkatiegaddini, and on Twitter @DrKatieGaddini. Her website is katiegaddini.com. You can buy The Struggle to Stay: Why Single Evangelical Women Are Leaving the Church from all major book retailers. Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the show