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Unmasking the Abuser - The Podcast
35 minutes | Apr 2, 2022
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 27: Crucial Beginnings
This is a must-listen Episode. I discuss why my book, But He Says He Loves Me, is still essential knowledge for anyone wanting to quickly and clearly spot the signs of an abusive relationship. I've just finished production for the audio version of the book - out soon - and offer some exciting previews for my listeners.The book, But He Says He Loves Me, was written in two voices: myself as a domestic abuse expert, and the voice of an Abuser (a fictional blend of real men) who offers men lessons on manipulation and mistreatment. I was able to get Anthony Howell ("Foyle's War), a talented actor to perform the Abuser's side. Listeners get to hear an excerpt from the new audible book. Have a listen and let me know what you think.
24 minutes | Nov 22, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 26 Special Holiday Edition!
The holidays are here! Well, if you count family birthdays, reunions and other special events, the holidays are always here. How do you get through with your sanity intact? How can you still grab joy even if some family members insist on being difficult? Is it even possible?This special holiday edition is filled with tips on how to handle difficult people and situations during family get-togethers. How do you prepare? What do you keep telling yourself so you can remain in control? How do you shield yourself from tantrums and attempts by others to ruin the day?It's all here in a short, sweet and very important Episode. Have a listen!
42 minutes | Oct 18, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 25 - Broad Brush Strokes
If you only listen to one Episode of this series, this podcast Episode is it. We cover the basics of the entire abuse prevention program: Selection, Main Tactics and Honorable Mentions. All of Abusers' secret and most effective tactics laid bare for you to examine.The insights here offer a powerful review session for regular listeners and can bring new listeners up to speed.In addition, the information in this podcast are available to anyone who requests it. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
31 minutes | Jul 12, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 24 - Tricks of the Trade
We've discussed Abusers' tactics at length. I thought it would also be useful to cover some of their most common tricks - smaller moves that may be part of a bigger tactic. The 15 most common tricks are included in this Episode.These tricks are sinister, effective, and can cause a lot of trouble. That's the bad news. The good news is these moves are often easy to spot. They're scripted ploys that help Abusers gather in a new Target, get a Victim to back down, or convince a Target, Victim or Survivor to return to the toxic relationship.This Episode is relevant to both women and men.
38 minutes | May 17, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 23 - Protecting Your New Superpower
With previous Episodes you've done a lot of work to develop a new superpower, a set of valuable skills that help you identify Abusers early, to spot the tactics of manipulation, coercion and unfair persuasion in romantic and non-romantic settings.In this Episode we talk about how to protect your new knowledge, how to shield yourself from influences that would try to prevent you from using what you know. We look at some simple mistakes that can easily be avoided, and why your brain is your most precious gift. Knowledge that isn't used is just potential, and I want more than that for you. As always, the Episode is full of useful tips that make it simple to use what you learn in your life.
42 minutes | Apr 1, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 22 - The Key to Resilience, Part 2
As promised, this is the crucial second Episode on Resilience, filled with crucial insights and key tips to start building this central core life skill right away. No life is without pain, trouble, disappointment, regret. Resilience is the ability to thoughtfully regain your strength and determination after facing situations of uncertainty, loss, failure, crises or major disruption to your life. You'll learn how to push through your initial, visceral reactions to the empowered place where you can decide what comes next. Resilience allows you to thrive and survive instead of falling apart.Everyone should know and use these vital tools, presented in an accessible manner in this last Episode of Season 1.
31 minutes | Mar 29, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 21: Resilience Part 1
Resilience is such an important topic, yet it gets far too little attention. It's often included in expensive leadership courses, but what about everyone else? What about our need to understand, develop and use this key tool in our ever-changing lives?Resilience is important enough to deserve two episodes. Episode 1 provides the crucial foundation, offering a clear, detailed description of resilience and how to start weaving it into your life. Part 2, soon to follow, will demonstrate specific steps to become more resilient now, no matter how you've handled challenging situations in your past or even your present.These Episodes are for everyone and not to be missed!Caution: Between 17:23 and 20:52 I ask you to do a visualization exercise that may be too painful or even triggering for some people. If the experience that inspired you to listen to this podcast is too recent or still too raw, please fast forward through this portion. You'll still learn a lot from the rest of the Episode.
43 minutes | Feb 24, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 20 - The Gift of Fear
I think the concept of fear has been misrepresented in recent years. After all, if we don't feel fear we'll take unnecessary or even foolish chances. We'll ignore the instincts that tell us to get away from something or someone dangerous.This series has never tried to dampen all fear. We've honed those instincts, sharpened them with specific knowledge of tactics, and applied this key knowledge to gain more effective ways to shield from harm.In this Episode, we take the same concepts we apply so skillfully to our romantic lives and examine our lives in general. We look at recent social pressures to blindly accept all change without question. We dare to ask the necessary questions to understand the larger implications of reactive compliance. In this Episode we learn how fear can be useful, and add it to our range of superpowers. We learn to listen to fear's messages so we can reduce our likelihood of making costly mistakes. And we look at simple tools to differentiate between genuine, positive progress and coerced social manipulation.
41 minutes | Feb 6, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 19 - Between the Sheets
Sex is an important part of adult relationships. In this Episode, we look at sexuality and Abusers: what sex means to them, how they treat their partners sexually, the sexual weapons they'll use if the relationship ends. Sex definitely doesn't mean intimacy. It involves manipulation, coercion, humiliation and pain. Sex can also be used as an enticement in the beginning, another important tool offered as a reward or a punishment. This can make it difficult for the unwary to recognize the huge red flag being waved over their new romance.Listen and learn about what takes place in the bedroom of Abusers.
29 minutes | Jan 15, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 18 - Secrets and Lies
This Episode covers some crucial information about how secrets can make you vulnerable to manipulation and the way secrets always grow into bigger and more harmful lies.We also chat about ways to get back into the romance game after you've been hurt - some simple but powerful tips to keep you from repeating your past mistakes, or jumping into love with someone who will quickly make you regret your haste.Included in this Episode is talk about the importance of help and sharing, and some key insights into building or joining an Unmasking the Abuser support group. I offer some basic strategies for how to do it and what it should include. It can even be done online through the team platforms that have become so popular.
40 minutes | Jan 8, 2021
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 17 - Getting to Know You
Are you interested in finding out some simple ways to get to know a new potential romantic partner? Ever wondered what you should ask, or wish you had a a few tips of what to do?That's what this Episode is all about. We start with some insights from Robert Greene's book, "The Art of Seduction", exposing some ploys to be aware of when you're out and about.Then, stepping a little away from issues and problems, this Episode reveals some quick and easy tips to establish whether you and a new person are compatible, down deep where it matters. Forget about kissing frogs. This Episode will get you started so you can swiftly throw the frogs back in the pond without getting any backsplash on your clothes.
40 minutes | Dec 18, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 16 - Circles of Intimacy
Have you ever thought about your relationships and wondered how much you really care for the people in your life - or worried about how much they truly care about you? The Circles of Intimacy is a simple set of 2 small tests with a few questions that can help you know. Test 1 helps you establish how you feel about each person in your life. Test 2 gives you important insight into how much the people in your life care about you.There's no judgment, no blame, no harshness. Just a few simple questions that can help you establish and maintain relationship balance in your life. Balance is the key to healthy relationships and strong self-esteem.Let's keep building your emotional superpower!
38 minutes | Nov 8, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 15 - Strengthening Our Shield
I believe it's incredibly valuable to expose the specific tactics used by Abusers to manipulate their targets into relationships. But this knowledge cannot work alone. Potential targets must also recognize where they're vulnerable. They have to explore where their beliefs, values, even fantasies will unwittingly encourage them to ignore the wisdom that can keep them safe. This Episode is crucial for anyone who wants to make sure they're not subtly walking themselves into a trap. As always, it's highly solution-focused with key methods for strengthening any fragile spots and heightening resilience.
32 minutes | Oct 11, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 14 - Toxic Relationships
This episode continues our important discussion on troublesome relationships that aren't romantic. They can be family, old friends, and even work relationships. Some are simply challenging others would qualify as toxic. How do you know for certain?I'll show you in this Episode. We go through a short number of questions you can ask yourself about your relationship with anyone. Each type of question is worth a certain number of points on the toxicity scale. Then you add up the points at the end. You can determine if the other person is too negative, too selfish so you feel used, or if it's toxic and potentially putting your emotional and mental health at risk.As always, the information is simple but not dull or childish. It's something everyone can use.
35 minutes | Sep 4, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 13 - Widening the Scope
We've talked a lot about abusive relationships and how to avoid choosing an abusive partner. But what about Abusers you don't choose - your family member, a neighbor, a work colleague, a boss? What about an old friend or a new friend who seems great at first?Episodes 13 and 14 will explore the dynamics and the key warning signs of abusive relationships that aren't romantic. These toxic pairings can still destroy your life - or that of a loved one - if you're not careful. We look at how they're formed and how easily people can be fooled. In the next Episode, we consider brief and effective ways you can protect yourself.
32 minutes | Aug 20, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 12 - Pretty Woman (about Female Abusers)
In this Episode, I fulfill a promise I made to my male listeners and discuss the means and methods used by female abusers when pursuing male targets. Most of their ploys and maneuvers are identical to those used by abusive males - so listening to previous Episodes is a must. But there are some differences due to gender roles and cultural norms that are highlighted here.In the second part of this Episode, we define both positive and toxic masculinity, and confirm the reasons toxic masculinity isn't harmless - it sits squarely on the abuse continuum. As always, the emphasis is on solutions, so we talk about simple ways teen boys and men can reach their highest potential and protect themselves from declining into abusive attitudes or behaviors.
31 minutes | Aug 14, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 11 - Home Alone
It wouldn't be fair to teach you all about the tactics used by Abusers and not also discuss some of the beliefs and behaviors that make women vulnerable. This Episode touches on some of the most common dreams and ideals held by women that can lead them straight into the arms of an Abuser.We also touch on a topic that's painful but necessary - what to do if you're already in a relationship with an Abuser. We discuss what needs to happen at the very beginning, in the mind of the Victim, that can increase the chance of a successful exit. These key steps actually precede the necessary and practical instructions (including a firm Exit Plan) offered by a domestic violence agency or support group. This crucial advice can mean the difference between finding a new life or returning to the Abuser.
30 minutes | Jun 12, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 10 - Remember!
In this important Episode, I show you easy ways to remember Abusers' tactics. Simple rhymes are used as mnemonic cues (memory triggers) to help listeners learn the short list of tactics they need to know to stay safe. We also look at ways to recognize the signs of someone else - someone you know and care about - being manipulated into a relationship with an Abuser. Your superpower gets stronger with each Episode! Cape On!
33 minutes | May 30, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 9: Outrunning the Beast
Learning the tactics of manipulation used by Abusers to entice new partners is fantastic! But is that enough to keep you safe in Real Life if (or when) you're targeted by one? In this Episode we discuss strategies you can use to both accurately identify a potential Abuser and get away as quickly as possible. We even discuss how to keep from mislabeling someone as an Abuser because you defined them with too little information. This Episode is a must-listen for anyone who wants to successfully use the knowledge shared in previous Episodes to keep themselves safe.
25 minutes | May 26, 2020
Unmasking the Abuser Episode 8 - Locking the Door Behind You
This is an exciting episode where we finish the List of Tactics used by Abusers to lure in new romantic partners. We describe what happens and explain why these moves are so successful in trapping teen girls and women in these highly toxic relationships.These is crucial knowledge if you want to be fully informed about abuse and Abusers, and be able to quickly identify the ploys when they're used. The List isn't long, the explanations are simple, and the knowledge is critical for an effective Safety Plan.Note: in the next episode we'll discuss the critical tips you'll need to stay safe if you're targeted by an Abuser. A polite rejection isn't going to work!
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