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How NOT to get your kid not to open up to you. Shards of glass pie…and bread.  A kick under the table, or what good is a code word that doesn’t work? About as much use as a code word that everybody knows.

When your spouse has been gone for a while, you may not miss him as much as you’d expected. Why Turi would like to ditch her backyard chickens and move to a condo. Each spouse takes a different tack when it comes to snoring. The weirdo-- correction—weirdoes at the dog park.

Amy doesn’t want to dig into her hoarded supplies, but needs pre-Thanksgiving room in her freezer. Overdoing it with kids and cookies. The bird is too big. The politics of the virtual invitation: Stay out of our zoom room.

Caramel Corn or Covid? No coughing allowed, lest people drag you to the ER.   How to assure friends and passersby into believing your cough is benign. Temper, anger, and hanging up the phone—in a pandemic. Why people REALLY have garages.

You Can’t Slam Your Door With an Open Floor Plan   Amy learns something unpleasant about one neighbor, and performs family harmony for everyone else on the block. You can’t fight your spouse in an open floor plan. The adult store downstairs is legit.  The boots and pillow shop, Turi thinks, is not.

Phil Hendrie grew up with a lot of women. Then he created more of them.  Bad parenting, good parenting, and terrible dead baby jokes. 

Just because the election is over doesn’t mean you should tell people what you think. Sabrage—and what it says about you.  No fans of fake flowers. That’s not an emergency, and other reasons not to go to the hospital

The cleverness of sales calls, a grudging confession of admiration.   Give me the wife line. Unwrapping, and expueing, The York Peppermint Pattie

Turi gets a shot. Amy’s Amazon crap-you-buy-when-you’re -stuck -in-the-house-during-Covid arrives. The empty nest is missed. Security questions—Social network, and airborne.

Amy finds joy in Amazon-supplied tchachkas (look that up if you need to). Bad gift-buyers of the world need to delegate. How to hand over—or not—the baton of responsibility to your partner or spouse. Always be polite, especially if you’re furious.

The zoning meeting. Learn to hate your neighbors, another joy of zoom. Mandatory exercise and other joys of kids in virtual school. More for the quarantine file. Making your partner eat the inedible—which includes granola bars.

The perils of working with other kind and thoughtful people. Amy watches the cemetery take over a public school—complete with renaming. Naming rights, and generous donors with dead grandmothers.

Turi controls bad accidents by force of will. How to get your kids to leave home. Amy's long history of bad give receiving, and the hair shirt --not a gift--that she will wear forever. 

If you prefer the IDEA of sleeping with your partner to the reality…that’s us, too. Also, do not touch us if our eyes are closed, even if we accidently sock you in the face. Amy wants assurance that cult recruiters would see the value in her kids, as long as Turi scares them out of joining.

 Amy wants her size two sweater back. Turi has a different method, and wishes evil on the elastic waistband. What not to eat at a radio station. Undermining fashion models: a fine pastime. The “Little Free Library” has made Turi feel nervous AND guilty.

What’s a “stay out of the lab day”?  Amy learns of the missing Safe Deposit box, and shares her own Safe Deposit angst. Imaginary disasters, part 2. Turi wants to be The Blown Tire Fairy. The failed appliance, and why you keep it.

That bottle of wine you saved for that “special occasion”….what ever happened to it??  Herring at the airport. Adventures in the land of lost luggage. The missing pocket knife.

More of Turi’s theories about plastic surgeons, tax deductions, and the soundtracks in your head. Amy is deciding whether to spend the night of the 31sthiding in her basement. Why not? It’s safer than Costco.  Why you don’t want to be an x-ray technician on Halloween.

What you don’t see on zoom won’t hurt you. Covid and the makeup mirror. Turi’s kid discloses her love of the police scanner—and Amy is mystified.

How to communicate your domestic annoyance. The purchase that will change your life. No, we will never be major league ball players.