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39 minutes | Oct 26, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 9: An Interview with Darlene Tando, LCSW
In Episode 9 of the Trans-Parenting podcast, I sat down to chat with Darlene Tando, a licensed clinical social worker who recently appeared on the Dr. Phil show. In that episode, a mom and her teen were on to talk about the mom’s struggle accepting her daughter’s transition. Darlene is also the author of “The Conscious Parent’s Guide to Gender Identity: A Mindful Approach to Embracing Your Child’s Authentic Self,” which you can purchase on Amazon. As a reminder, we are now on Patreon and would appreciate your financial support! You can pledge as little as $2 per month, and with higher value contributions, you can receive some really cool items!
29 minutes | Sep 7, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 8: Q&A session
In this episode, I answer questions I received during a Q&A session on Facebook, with additional questions from private messages and Twitter. Here’s the rundown: 4:40 How old are you? 5:01 How tall are you? 5:38 What do we do in places like North Carolina when we send our kids to school and don’t know if the school will support our child? 10:40 My daughter just started school yesterday and she is having problems with the other kids that she has known awhile who are now shunning her not respecting her choice of a gender neutral name. Her teacher has been of no help. What should we do? 12:53 How would you deal with long time friends becoming distant just because you chose a gender neutral name? 15:15 How do you think the the recent issues with religious liberty — post-Hobby Lobby SCOTUS ruling — are going to affect how schools and businesses handle trans people? 17:08 How do we get dad’s more involved? Almost all the groups I am a part of are majority women/moms. 19:16 Would you speak to the benefits of attending trans-related conferences/symposiums? 21:21 I have just made a new friend who is Christian who accepts me. How can I get other Christians to acknowledge me and love me for who I am? I seek to show love to them as much as possible, but they generally don’t return it. How can I show them it’s not an “Evil Lifestyle”? 25:15 Talk about why to use puberty blockers is important and how starting these gives a child more time to deal with their sexuality and their gender?!? Be sure to leave your questions in the comments, and they may be featured on the next Q&A session. Please visit iTunes and leave a rating and review for the podcast. I would love to hear your feedback. And finally, a great big shout out to my first 2 patrons on Patreon, Willow and Sarah! Thank you both so much for the support. To become a patron, you can visit my page to find out what rewards you can get at the various donation levels!
18 minutes | Aug 3, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 7: How to Create a Trans-Inclusive School
What should a school do to become transgender-inclusive? I recently gave the keynote address to the NEA’s GLBT Caucus during their annual dinner telling our not-so-great experience with a school and offering tips on how they could begin creating a safe and affirming space for trans and gender non-conforming students within their schools. You can read the transcript of the speech in the previous blog post, but for those who like podcasts or prefer to hear inflections of a speaker’s voice, this one is for you! If you would like transgender inclusivity training for your school, visit GenderInc.com to see what our training program offers and email me at firstname.lastname@example.org Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
85 minutes | Jun 16, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 6: Interview with NCLR Attorney Asaf Orr
In this episode, I sit down with Asaf Orr, Esq., Transgender Youth Project Staff Attorney at the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) to talk about the most common legal questions parents of trans youth have, including: how to file for name and gender marker changes, medical insurance, dealing with schools when your child transitions, when to file a legal case on your child’s behalf (and when not to), handling bullies, updating wills, abuse allegations, and custody disputes. Plus, we have a little fun getting to know Asaf better as a person at the end! Don’t miss it. Please leave a comment with any questions you have so that we can offer a follow-up podcast. If you need immediate legal advice, contact the NCLR Legal Help Line at: 1.800.528.6257 Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
22 minutes | Mar 19, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 5: Pediatric support confusion
There’s an article making the rounds that appears to say pediatricians believe supporting trans youth amounts to child abuse. But who are these pediatricians exactly? They are a group called the American College of Pediatricians. Ok, sounds good. But… They are NOT the American Academy of Pediatrics, which is the organization people seem to think they are. Don’t be taken in by the name. The confusion is on purpose and meant to make parents think that they should not support their trans youth. But in this podcast, we are going to dig deeper into who each organization is and go through the ACP’s statement point by point. SHOW NOTES Position Statement (with ZERO documentation about those positions) from the American College of Pediatrics Investigative article about the ACP that cites membership numbers and their practice of citing research about LGBT youth that is 100% contradictory to their own statements American College of Pediatricians ( less than 200 members ) About Us page American Academy of Pediatrics ( more than 64,000 members ) About Us page American Academy of Pediatrics Position Statement the care of LGBT youth Point by Point information… XX and XY chromosomes don’t tell the whole story biological nature of gender identity Gender Dysphoria is not a mental illness Puberty blockers do not treat puberty as a disease and are safe Desistance rates quoted by the ACP were from studies that did not separate gender non-conforming behavior from Gender Dysphoria, while actual studies of trans children show they are as consistent in knowing their identity as non-trans youth, and lack of acceptance leads to increased suicide risk Hormone replacement therapy risks mentioned by ACP are based on forms and amounts of hormones used decades ago, not current treatment and findings by the largest study to date The study cited by the ACP about suicides post-surgery shows the exact opposite of the ACP’s claims, and other studies show that discrimination and rejection from society are what drive people to suicide Studies have proven that family support of a trans child’s identity leads to improved mental health and lowers the risk of depression and anxiety to normal levels. That’s hardly abuse. Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
15 minutes | Feb 21, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Epidode 4: Avery Jackson is in the House!
Avery Jackson, my 8-year-old daughter, joins me on today’s episode. We talk about what life was like before transitioning and how it’s been since. She has opinions and isn’t shy about sharing them. Hear her thoughts on bathroom bills and being a good parent. She also tells about some of the cool stuff that she’s been up to — from YouTube to hanging out with friends to activism. There are a few surprises and hints at upcoming projects, too! The video she made that is mentioned as part of an upcoming project is here: Avery Chat. Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
14 minutes | Feb 7, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 3: Statistics of What Life is Like for Transgender Students
In Episode 3 of the Trans-Parenting Podcast we go over some frightening statistics about what transgender students deal with in schools, suicide and self-harm, and the difference having a supportive family can make. Show Notes: Most of the statistics in the episode come from the 2011 survey of LGBT students conducted by GLSEN. You can download and read the full report Harsh Realities: The Experiences of Transgender Youth in Our Nation’s Schools here. Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
25 minutes | Jan 31, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 2: Telling Our Story
I’ve been sick, so I apologize for my voice! In Episode 2 of the Trans-Parenting Podcast, I tell our family’s story of discovering our child, Avery Jackson, is transgender. Avery’s transition was really a transformation. She became the happiest, most loving child imaginable once she started living as a girl. Not all trans people are ok seeing photos of themselves pre-transition. Avery doesn’t mind hers. She likes to remember waaaaaay back when we were “too dumb” to know who she really is. Please leave your comments about the podcast below. If you have questions or suggestions for future topics, I would love to hear from you. Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
18 minutes | Jan 26, 2016
Trans-Parenting Podcast Episode 1: Gender Terminology 101
Welcome to the very first episode of the new Trans-Parenting Podcast. On the first episode, we cover a lot of the gender definitions that we will be using in future episodes. It’s Trans Terminology 101! The Show Notes are here as a helpful quick-glance guide. I cover much more about each item in the show. Be sure to listen. Episode 1 Show Notes: Biological or Anatomical Sex. This is the physical structure of one’s reproductive organs that is used to assign sex at birth. Biological sex is determined by chromosomes, gonads, and hormones. Most of the time, these combinations will result in someone in typically male or female configurations. Standard practice is for a doctor to glance at a newborn’s genitals and declare the biological sex, which is then recorded on identity documents and becomes what we call their “sex assigned at birth.” I’d like to note here that chromosomes denote sex, not gender. And because a lot of people will get hung up on chromosomes, I’ll also point out that there are dozens of variations of chromosomes and not just the XX and XY combos we normally think about. This includes people with only a single sex chromosome (the X or the Y), men who are XX, women who are XY, people who are XXY, XYY, XXXY, XYYY, and more. Some of these variations create intersex conditions with genital or physical differences that can be seen, but not all do. Unless you have your karyotype tested, you actually don’t know what your chromosomes, or anyone else’s, are. Core Gender Identity is one’s innermost concept of self as male or female or both or neither — how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One’s gender identity can be the same or different than the sex assigned at birth. Individuals are conscious of this between the ages 18 months and 3 years. Most people develop a gender identity that matches their biological sex. For some, however, their gender identity is different from their biological or assigned sex. Some of these individuals choose to socially, hormonally and/or surgically change their sex to more fully match their gender identity. Gender Expression refers to the ways in which people externally communicate their gender identity to others through behavior, clothing, haircut, voice, and other forms of presentation. Gender expression also works the other way as people assign gender to others based on their appearance, mannerisms, and other gendered characteristics. This is where dress codes can end up being problematic. Not everyone conforms to our expected social norms of gender expression. Gender Roles further complicate things. This is the set of roles, activities, expectations and behaviors assigned to females and males by society. Our culture recognizes two basic gender roles: Masculine (having the qualities attributed to males) and feminine (having the qualities attributed to females). An example of gender roles, and how they can change over time, is that it used to be standard for men to become doctors and women to become nurses, but now those roles aren’t so limited. It’s important to note that Gender Identity, Gender Expression, and Gender Roles are all independent of each other and none have to line up. A person can have a female gender identity, wear masculine clothes, and be interested in both make-up artistry and car engine mechanics. Everywhere you look, you can find examples of people who don’t fit our stereotypes of identity, expression, and roles. Now we get to Transgender. Transgender is sometimes used as an umbrella to describe anyone whose identity or behavior falls outside of stereotypical gender norms. More narrowly defined, it refers to an individual whose gender identity does not match their assigned birth sex. One way people differentiate themselves from the umbrella term is to shorten it and call themselves trans. A transgender woman or trans woman is a person who identifies as a a woman but who was assigned male at birth. A transgender man or trans man is a person who identifies as a man but who was assigned female at birth. “Cisgender” is not a very commonly used phrase but it’s one you may hear. “Trans” means across in Latin, so a transgender person has a gender that is across the binary from their biological sex. “Cis” means “same” in Latin, so a cisgender person has a gender that is the same, or is congruent, with his or her biological sex. Transition refers to the process of changing over to the other gender. It starts with a ‘Social Transition’ which involves changing one’s outward appearance to better align with the internal Gender Identity; Clothing, hairstyle, mannerisms, name, pronouns, etc. If the person is old enough, there can be a ‘Medical Transition’ which may involve hormones and surgeries. Not all trans people get surgery due to financial issues, health problems, dissatisfaction with options available, or other personal decisions. Gender Non-Conformity. People who are gender non-conforming break some of our social rules about expression and roles, and they may even say they “wish” they were the opposite gender. But there is a huge difference between not conforming to certain gender rules and having an internal identity that is not in alignment with one’s biological sex. Passing refers to being seen as one’s affirmed gender with no one else being able to tell it is different from one’s anatomical sex. Stealth means hiding, or simply not announcing, one’s trans status after having transitioned. Now that we’ve covered the basics, we also need to talk about people who don’t neatly fit into the gender binary. The Gender Binary is exactly what it sounds like: two sides, male and female. But just as people can break binary gender expression rules and break binary gender roles, some people don’t fit into one of two gender identity boxes. There are many variations of this. Gender fluid, gender queer, and agender identities also exist. Gender queer is a term that refers to people who don’t fit the binary, who combine masculine and feminine traits. Boy George is an old-school example. Gender queer people are often gay males who have a feminine gender expression. Agender refers to someone who doesn’t relate to gender much at all. A more familiar and related term would be androgynous, where a person’s gender expression doesn’t offer many clues to what gender they are. Gender fluidity conveys a wider, more flexible range of gender expression, with interests and behaviors that may even change from day to day. Gender fluid children do not feel confined by restrictive boundaries of stereotypical expectations of girls or boys. In other words, a child may feel they are a girl some days and a boy on others, or possibly feel that neither term describes them accurately. Gender Dysphoria is a medical diagnosis. It is not the same as gender non-conformity. A person whose gender assigned at birth (in other words, their biological sex as determined by a quick peek at their genitals) is contrary to the one they identify with will be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria. The critical element of gender dysphoria is the presence of clinically significant distress associated with the condition. For a person to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, there must be a marked difference between his or her expressed gender and the gender assigned at birth for at least six months. Not every trans person experiences this level of distress, especially if they are younger and have accepting families. The distress is often caused by their mistreatment by others over their gender identity. Be sure to listen to the entire show, because we cover all of these definitions in more detail! Hey, friends! We’re now on Patreon. Become one of our patrons and get extra stuff like a bonus recording each month, a bumper sticker, or even a t-shirt. In addition to our eternal gratitude, of course!
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