57 minutes | Feb 22, 2021

The Cow Tools Experience

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! Lords: James is on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Triplefox Jesse is on Twitter. Topics: One of the last "most wanted" Nazi war criminals lives in my town. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helmut_Oberlander What's Michael?, the other cartoon fat cat https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What%27s_Michael%3F There are several What's Michael anime series, one of them has a particularly amazing music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWZLz1LQRnY&t=116s The opening of the Heathcliff Cartoon uses one of the numerous Shuki Levy 80's cartoon themes. It rhymes "jubilee" with "superiority"! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LLb8EBU9nQ He’s Wearing The Gravy Helmet, Again : The Greatest Single Panel in Modern American Comics: https://medium.com/@videocrime/hes-wearing-the-gravy-helmet-again-the-greatest-single-panel-in-modern-american-comics-10c269ca4102 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fictional_cats_in_comics https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fictional_cats_in_animation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cow_Tools In the patent for Tapper, the developers admit that it's just Space Invaders turned on its side https://www.kmjn.org/notes/tapper_videogame_patent.html "Upon an advancing patron such as the cowboy 54e in FIG. 2 receiving a filled mug 58b, the receiving patron will be moved or repelled back toward the door end of the bar a predetermined incremental distance. If the patron is moved to the boundary at the door image 52, the patron goes off screen for a predetermined time interval and then reenters the same bar at the door 52. However, if the repelled thirsty patron remains on screen, the patron will then be shown in a drinking pose 54f as in FIG. 3. When the patron, after a predetermined delay, finishes drinking the beverage, the empty mug 58c, is slid back toward the supply or keg end of the bar." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Cold_Beer Ice Cold Beer has an official digitization in "Zeke's Peak" https://store.steampowered.com/app/1093800/Zekes_Peak/ https://store.steampowered.com/app/457890/TumbleSeed/ http://isoraqathedh.github.io/Orsaibts/anticharacterism.html Shogun Assassin (1980) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081506/ Brad asks "Hummingbirds have to consume twice their body weight in a day to survive. If you had to do this, what would your strategy be?" Realizing pop cans are 355 mL because that's 12 US fluid ounces. The ounce is a unit of mass and the dry ounce of volume, but the pint and the dry pint are both units of volume. https://www.ic.gc.ca/eic/site/mc-mc.nsf/eng/h_lm00007.html Soda vs Pop vs. Coke: Who Says What, And Where? https://www.huffpost.com/entry/soda-vs-pop_n_2103764 Plastic Recycling is an Actual Scam https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJnJ8mK3Q3g How China Broke the World's Recycling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXRtNwUju5g Is macaroni and cheese known outside of America? Or, if you were opening a restaurant in a foreign country, what cuisine would it be? How Thai food took over America https://www.splendidtable.org/story/2019/01/10/how-thai-food-took-over-america What Color Is a Tennis Ball? https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/02/what-color-tennis-ball-green-yellow/523521/ https://www.pizzapizza.ca/catalog/config/dipping-sauce-product_1919/store/1/delivery Wikipedia lists these other related dishes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbonara https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chili_mac https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filipino_spaghetti https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%A4sesp%C3%A4tzle Microtopics: An oddly temperate day in the park in the middle of January. Not necessarily recognizing the war criminal who lives in your town. Checking the box that says "I did not do the Holocaust" on the immigration form. How it takes 50 years to deport a Nazi from Canada. Berlin, Canada. Getting a steak and a beer with the 110 year old who works with you at the grocery store. Where you go if you're really young and you want to become a war criminal. A thing that is strange but also very ordinary. Explaining Garfield. Heathcliff, the other other fat orange cartoon cat. Explaining cow tools. Tools that don't really look like anything but it's the best a cow can do. What it means when Heathcliff wears the gravy helmet. When an ancient comic strip gets funny again because the original artist finally retired and got replaced by a Tumblr user. Stealing all the fish from the fish counter and the vendor can't do anything about it because you're wearing a helmet that says "fish." Scrolling a web page and discovering how many helmets Heathcliff has. Managing the flow of mugs in this Space Invaders clone. The best electromechanical bar game that triggers your trypophobia. A story-heavy RPG adaptation of an electromechanical bar game. Playing a story heavy game and wishing the story and the game parts were separable. How magical girl shows and JRPGs both presentationally separate story from combat. Taking the fight scenes from a robot combat show and writing new scenes where the robots are going to high school. Learning to fly in place. Becoming a hummingbird and learning to do what hummingbirds do. Consuming the densest possible foods such as lead. Assuming that iron is the densest element because it's at the Earth's core and must have sunk there. Searching for densest foods and Google gives you the most nutrient dense foods, which is definitively not what you asked for. Arctic explorers bringing sleds full of frozen butter to eat. Eating your weight in salt every day. Whether 1 milliliter of water weighs exactly one gram everywhere, or just in that locked vault in Paris. The Canadian hotline you can call to report bars that serve you an American pint of beer. The metric pint. Ounces per ounce. Writing to Stephen Wolfram to complain about the dry ounce. That double gotcha bar trivia question about whether an ounce of feathers is lighter than an ounce of gold. Europeans getting confused when Americans talk about calories when they mean kilocalories. Using more significant digits than the speaker intended when doing unit conversion. Whether someone saying "a thousand" to mean "a lot" is one significant digit or zero. Whether in the Bible "forty" is used colloquially to mean "a lot." Taking a dialect quiz that tries to guess where you're from but it doesn't know about Canada so it guesses you're from the American Midwest. Whether recycling is still a thing or in fact ever was. Keeping people employed at a factory sorting plastic for no particular reason. Pasta and cheese being popular all over the world. How Canadians have Kraft macaroni and cheese for dinner all the time. The biscuit you eat! How Pad Thai is a psyop. Putting fish in a bucket and waiting until it becomes fish sauce. Fear of discovering the fish flavor in fish sauce and ruining Thai food forever. Putting fish sauce on pizza yourself because Domino's doesn't offer it as a topping. Opening a Taco Bell in Mexico. Asking not for whom the Baja Blasts. A can of cream of mushroom soup inside of a Shepherd's Pie. Another salty MSG flavored brown liquid. Support Topic Lords
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