70 minutes | Mar 29, 2021

75. Just Yawn It Out, Brah

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! Lords: Ryan https://twitter.com/RyanIkeComposer Alicia https://www.instagram.com/historianraptor/ Topics: How many throw pillows is too many? Does it depend on number of pillows? Size of furniture? Number of family members? Softness/firmness level? Why are yawns considered a sign of boredom? Art packs/music disks https://16colo.rs/pack/wiz-0296/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlvsDtevNJ0&feature=youtu.be Ville asks "Chester Bolingbroke is blogging his attempt to finish every computer RPG ever in chronological order, despite this being clearly impossible. He started at The Dungeon (1975) and is currently up to Legends of Valour: Ragged Chet (1992)." http://crpgaddict.blogspot.com/ Do you consider listening to an audio book "reading?" What about having a book read to you by someone, live? Could we interpret radio plays or listening to a film with our eyes closed "reading?" Microtopics: Getting good enough at English to speak in Instruction Manual. Back before the content ocean. A whole slew of trucks that have jobs. Your two year old wishing you good luck by leaving a cement mixer on your desk. A lateral career move where you decide to stop releasing games. Occult and magic in the Greco-Roman world. Talking the kids out of going to college. Using Greco-Roman erotic curse tablets and binding spells to examine romantic relationships of the time period. How nobody calls love potions "curses" any more. Variable demand for throw pillows over the course of the day. Needing to get more dogs because your have too many throw pillows for the number of dogs you have. A bowling pin orientation of ten to twelve pillows that you have to clear out of the way before you can sleep. A barricade of squish. A wheezing Darth Vader mask. Sleeping in an ominous dark orb next to your wife in bed and she complains that your orb is too hard and it pinches when it closes. A lacerating throw pillow. Opening yourself up to the soft life. A badminton racket in your closet that you haven't used in over a decade. Edible pillows. Yawning whenever you see the sun. Possible origins of the myth that yawning indicates boredom. A yawn factory to your left. Trying to change society in the next ten minutes. A manatee at the zoo giving you a hard time because you yawned at their enclosure. Oxygenating before you charge an invader. Hippos yawning in order to fuck you up. Getting kicked out of the zoo after yawning at the chimpanzees and the admission booth putting up a photo of your gaping mouth saying "don't let these teeth in." What you get for challenging a peacock. Living in a bad society and being tired all the time. Yawning it out. Sticking a finger in your elderly dog's mouth when they yawn because they don't have enough teeth left to bite you. What you did with a modem before the internet was a thing. BBS operators commissioning ANSI art to differentiate their BBS from other BBSes. Making elaborate works of art within the constraints of IBM PC text mode. An executable that displays procedural animations on the screen and describes the features of a BBS. What Minnesota locals think of Bruno Mars' hats. Minnesota not having any LAN parties but you can get a deep fried floppy disk on a stick at the state fair. How to fool 2008-YouTube into allocating extra bandwidth to your fluorescent waffle pattern. A logo that is shimmering so hard that it is impossible to read. Never reading a video title because you don't want to be biased going into it. The script you would read on the side of an obelisk on an ancient asteroid. Whether the sci-fi story you just wrote is just Mass Effect again. Making art for your friends. Inventing a podcast because you need an excuse to chat with friends. Watching your wife's phone ring and asking if she's going to do something about that. Being on a podcast where you have to do homework. The LAN party of podcasting. Creating a box for your podcast so you can put a quote on it. Legends of Valour: Ragged Chet. Creating content in order to make friends. Whether you can play every RPG faster than they are released. When it's okay to feed Gremlins again. Setting out on a quest to do something esoteric that nobody has asked for. Whether the guy in Zelda who said "tenth enemy has the bomb" made sense in Japanese. Whether Gremlins respect the daylight savings time changeover. Whether leaving food out on the counter that the Gremlin later eats counts as "feeding" it. A Bubsy 3D-style Gremlins sequel. Abandoning the topic to just talk about Gremlins for ten minutes. Yelling to the sky in impotent rage when an inanimate object rips one of your earbuds out. Buying a pianist an incredibly sharp kitchen knife. Cutting your sandwiches with a machine gun. Getting knife proof gloves for the kitchen and then just wearing them all the time because who knows when your fancy new chef's knife will strike. Engaging with the story and creating a construct in your imagination. Whether it's okay to "read" a book on tape. Calling NES cartridges "tapes" because Nintendo deliberately designed them to resemble VHS tapes. A sci-fi video game filled with Data Prisms which have identical storage capacity and security properties to Post-It notes but are way more futuristic. Leaving a note saying "Don't forget to get paper towels at Fred Meyer" for the post-apocalyptic scavenger exploring your kitchen. Dying together on the toilet in a heartwarming embrace. A framed Post-It note saying "Ryan's favorite number is 63." Digging Jim's corpse up and squeezing him like a bagpipe into his CPAP machine to unlock Frog Fractions 3. How at Taco Bell "supreme" means sour cream and tomatoes but at Pizza Hut "supreme" means sausage and green peppers but at the combination Taco Bell and Pizza Hut it means pouring Baja Blast on your Pizzone. Choosing your bad handle and owning it. Support Topic Lords
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