71 minutes | Mar 15, 2021

73. 100 Free Pulls For Your Left Kidney

Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! Lords: Max https://twitter.com/MaxKriegerVG https://twitter.com/nonstandardmcd Ryan https://twitter.com/RyanIkeComposer Topics: What do you think is behind the human fascination with miniature things? What are things people assume about you, based on your profession, look, or general vibe, that are always untrue? How to fix speed runs https://twitter.com/RavenWorks/status/1214615137056899072 Yuri asks "Games you love, but really wish you did not. Maybe even games you really don't like much, but keep playing anyway, like a terrible reality tv show you can't look away from." Does anyone actually like Frame Interpolation? Am I the only one who always turns it off? There seems to be a zoological consensus that hippos share a unique, communal, organized hatred of humankind for reasons that cannot be explained through typical animal behavioral reasoning. A restaurant where all the glasses are the same size but if you order a large it gets poured out of a 55 gallon drum and if you order a small it gets filled with an eye dropper. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3YGtQ40Qvs Microtopics: Running a novelty Twitter account about Nonstandard McDonalds. Grabbing every flashlight on your house to light your live TV news appearance. Running a novelty Twitter account about the mundane business details of running a Long John Silver's. White Castle except even stinkier somehow. Making tiny novelty hamburgers out of gelatin and cornstarch. Miniature things which are their normal size but are smaller than you. Sneaking a secret, more interesting topic in after your overt one. Elixirs in a JRPG having expiration dates so you don't end the game with 80 of them, never having used a single one. Holding a Lego minifig in your hands and thinking "I could pop your head off any time I feel like it." Converting inches of height to thousands of dollars per year in salary, and how that works differently for men and women. Taking a knife edge turn into the patriarchy. Knowing you could mash the person you're talking to like a paper bird, but reassuring them that of course you would never do that. Mixing powders into paste and then pressing the paste into a mold. Going down the rabbit hole on slurry-based miniature food construction. The sad sashimi special you get at a shitty bar after work. New shapes of ennui that you've never known as a human being. Biting the brick of instant ramen and then washing it down with a bite of the brick of Golden Curry. Wanting to produce high quality audio but not really caring much about the quality of audio you listen to. Mostly playing video games on consoles that are at least ten years old. Tech workers wanting the least internet-connected kitchen appliances available. Growing up with hair that makes you look like you do a lot of drugs. Getting tossed into camp dirtbag. Trading McDonald's jokes with your novelty McDonald's account followers. Thinking about long hamburgers every day. A tablet you would etch your name into in ancient Egypt, on a hoagie bun. Getting a hoagie delivered from a pizza place like some kind of maniac. Resetting a game until you get a favorable result. Oops All Marathon Strats. Why Speedrun? Speedrunning as a way to share a game you love with the audience. The Timic Skip. The changes Jim made to Frog Fractions: Game of the Decade Edition to make speedrunning it more fun. Designing your game to be interesting to reverse engineer. Tetris: The Grand Master. Cranking the skill ceiling on every aspect of Tetris to the absolute maximum. Stretching the rules of Tetris so much that the Tetris Company says "this has gone too far" and revokes your Tetris license. Designing a game with the assumption of fervent frame by frame analysis by the player base. Returning again and again to a game that doesn't respect your time. BeamNG.drive Gran Turismo Meets Garry's Mod. The most satisfying car crash simulator. Sitting in a sandbox and smashing Micro Machines together. A soft-body physics engine that is supposed to be for gearhead nerds but that you use to crash cars into each other and giggle. The cynicism setting in long before the dopamine cycle wears off. Deliberately avoiding gacha games because you might start paying for spins. Discreetly turning motion smoothing off on your parents' TV. Screening your roommates for whether or not they like motion smoothing. Looking at a 4k TV and not really noticing a difference. The hypothetical audience for motion smoothing. Whether Best Buy is your Best Bud. Stretching a 4:3 image to cover your 16:9 TV. The consumer paying for the chocolate company advertising on the chocolate bar. Negotiating with the car dealership by threatening to remove the license plate frame with the dealership's name on it from your car. The raw power of a hippopotamus. The hippo as a reification of mother earth's desire to cleanse the earth of humanity. Hippo Accelerationism. Importing hippos into every continent so they can kill even more people even faster. The fried banana stand at the San Diego Zoo. Why toucans don't swarm and devour humans. An abominably fat crow forging relationships left and right. Liking someone so much that you leave a big chunk of drywall on their doorstep. A forklift robot that can pour a beverage directly out of a 55 gallon drum. A chemical you can pour on any part of the pizza to form a crust there. A pizza fractal and it never stops, baby. Walking into a Sizzler and asking for the fruit lasagna. The buffet boom of the 80s. Sizzler representing choice in a country about freedom of choice. A four minute indoctrination video shown to new Sizzler employees. The thickest glasses known to man. Support Topic Lords
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