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2020.   ¯\_(?)_/¯  Am I right?  And we just keep stretching on into 2021.  The pandemic isn’t over, the virus isn’t gone.  And here we still are. Thriving? Stuck? Research psychologist, Carol Dweck, says that there are two mindsets we can have:  fixed and growth. In the fixed mindset, we think we are just the way we are.  Our personalities and skills are just a part of who we are.  “A natural athlete/writer/salesman/comedian,” or whatever else.  We just are born with those skills… or personalities. In a growth mindset, we can learn… grow and change.  We can get better in something we want to improve.  No, that doesn’t mean that anyone can be a world-class athlete.  But if I want to improve my abilities, I can.  If I want to shoot better free-throws, I can practice.  If I want to improve my writing, I can practice.  I can get better through, learning, effort, and practice. It seems obvious when we look at it that way, but many of us accidentally fall into a fixed mindset, both of ourselves and others.  Experts change their recommendations, and we can either see that as a failure on their part, “wishy-washy” and up to no good.  Or we can see that they, too, are learning and sharing from what they are learning.  Fixed or growth. And we can also look at how we, ourselves, are learning to shift, pivot, alter, and change our lives in the face of a pandemic.  When we get back to normal, it won’t be the normal of December 2020.  It will be different.  How will we shift? RELATED RESOURCES Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset Podcast on Growth Podcasts on Coping with COVID

Anyone who tells you that you can go through life without getting hurt and feeling pain is either lying or hiding. Life is rough-and-tumble.  Pain is unavoidable. But there is a type of pain that we can leave behind.  That is more a result of our own thinking than anything external, any injury either physical or emotional. Call it “Dirty Pain.”  Which is distinguished from “Clean Pain.”  Clean pain, that is the initial hurt.  When you hit your foot, it hurts.  That is the bodily response to the injury.  When someone says something to you that is mean and spiteful, your feelings are hurt.  That is the emotional pain.  It is initial. But what if you chastise yourself about your being “clutsy,” or about your “stupid action” that led to that foot injury?  Or what if you made that hurtful comment about you, and not about the person who said it?  What if you kept dwelling about it? Let me be clear:  it is fine to ask how you might prevent an injury in the future.  It is fine to listen to feedback from others, that might give you some insight into things you need to change. It’s the next step after that.  When you keep berating yourself.  It’s when you take the next step… you attach to the pain.  Buddhism refers to that as suffering.  You and I can think of it as “Dirty Pain” (a term coined by ACT – a mode of therapy).  It is dirtied by our own mental state — not the cause of the pain. What do you do about that?  We discuss it in this week’s Thriveology Podcast.  Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Life Is Tough Letting Go What You Can Control The Forgive Process Book

We all have times in life where we just feel… stuck… in a rut.  Life on repeat.  Another day, another week, another month, another year clicks by, same ol’ same ol’. That is the definition of a rut, just moving forward on a path of least resistance, unable to change direction or shift focus.  A rut. For many, this pandemic has been one big rut, stuck going forward, time passing by but little changing. Can you get free from a rut?  Can you break out of a rut? Yes, you can! In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, I explore the nature of a rut, deciding if you are really stuck in a rut (or just resting), and how to break out of the rut. Listen in below. RELATED RESOURCES Order, Disorder, Reorder Changing Limiting Beliefs The Thrive Journal  

At the beginning of my career, I was a hospital chaplain.  One of my tasks was to help people accept what was going on… to accept the diagnosis, the outcome of an accident or tragedy, to accept the changes.  Interestingly, many times, it seemed that those wanting the person to “accept” were really looking for resignation.  Kind of giving up. I think our understanding of acceptance has expanded since then.  But that doesn’t make it any easier. You see, we all want some “alternate reality,” some different space where things didn’t, aren’t, or won’t happen.  Where we get to choose to undo/redo, or not do what we don’t like.  The alternate reality where things happened or happen or will happen differently. Except they don’t.  They happened as they did.  They are happening as they are.  And they will happen as they will. Yes, we have some control about what we do in this moment, and what we will do to move toward the next.  But not enough to create our alternate reality where we get to choose everything (we do get to choose our own response, though). There are 3 “If’s” we play out in our mind.  One shift matters, if we want to thrive.  The shift to “Is.” I unpack what that is about and talk about how we can make the shift in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES Dealing with Grief When to Act, How to Accept Is the Present Perfect? Book:  The Thrive Principles

Another year has passed.  I added a year to when I answer, “How old are you?”  Well, at least in theory.  I am an unreliable narrator for reporting my age.  By accident.  But on a repeated basis. That said, as I recorded this episode of the podcast, and write these words, I am celebrating 55 trips around the sun (and I complain I don’t get to travel much!). I’m not sure about claiming wisdom, but I do claim some lessons from those years.  Lessons I keep learning and relearning.  Lessons I must remind myself about.  But lessons that matter to my life. While there are quite a few, 5 seemed to be appropriate for 55 years.  5 lessons from 55 years on this earth! I’d love to hear the lessons you’ve learned!  And I’d love to hear any questions or thoughts you might have about thriving.  But until then, listen in on the 5 lessons I have learned (and keep learning), and let me know if they are lessons you share. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Do Things Happen for a Reason? We Aren’t Getting Out Alive! Your Purpose Thrive Principles Book

What a year!  It was one year ago this week that I was on my last business trip.  I was at an event with my publisher.  Already, we knew COVID was out, and knew it was gaining steam.  Other countries had already gone into lockdown… and the US was on the precipice. While I was away, my wife and I were coordinating with our adult children, trying to make sure we could get them to our home before travel was locked down.  That weekend, both came home. We thought it might be a number of weeks.  They were thinking two to three.  I was thinking a month or a bit more. That ended up being months on end.  They spent more of 2020 in our home than in their own places. The economy screeched to a halt, trips were canceled, schools were closed.  And our medical system started to strain, faltering under the weight of one illness closing off some areas, while filling others. It seemed like every day, there was some new shift, new discovery, new point of vulnerability.  And in its wake, we, as a country and a world, strained to cope.  The grief poured out in anger and despair.  Some continued their grief in the world of denial. And still, the numbers climbed.  Families lost loved ones.  Spouses lost partners.  The world lost citizens.  To the point that we could no longer truly comprehend the numbers.  Some people recalculated by throwing caution to the wind.  Others recalibrated to a life in isolation, hoping that was safe. One year later.  What a year! Oh, and it isn’t over!  Although there are plenty of places and people trying to move on, we are still in the midst of a crisis.  While there is a place, in the not-so-distant future, where we get back to a life much more similar to a bit more than a year ago, we aren’t there yet. And we are also now seeing that the pandemic will not end equally.  It hasn’t impacted citizens equally, and the end will come just as unequally.  But it will come.  How do we get there?  I hope together, and I hope a bit wiser. In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I think about the shifts and impacts of this past year. RELATED RESOURCES: Coping with COVID Series Finding or Building Hope Moving Through Grief

One day, I was watching some videos (you know how that rabbit hole works) that led me to a video on this interesting sport.  I love water sports, and am frequently daydreaming this time of year about being in warm water. I have no idea how that led to this video, but it was a team playing this weird underwater game of hockey/ultimate frisbee/survival thing.  It was the Underwater Torpedo League. Underwater Torpedo was invented by two former special ops guys.  They used it to help training clients get better at breath holding and calm under stress.  But it sure looked like a blast of a time!  I filed it under “I’d love to do that!” Fast-forward and I met these two guys.  Turns out they do more than just train some people.  They actually train professional athletes on a regular basis, including MMA, NFL, and even pro surfers. Prime Hall and Don Tran are the guys behind the game.  But they are also performance coaches outside the pool.  They work with people about performing in life, using their F.R.E.E. Your Mind protocol.  Through their coaching, they help people reduce stress, perform better, and become better versions of themselves. In this episode, Don and Prime discuss their protocol with me, so that you can make shifts toward higher performance in all of your pursuits. RELATED RESOURCES FREE Your Mind Info Website Underwater Torpedo League Website What Is Stress? How To Deal With Stress  

It is so easy to get pulled into threats and dangers, mishaps and mistakes.  It is wired into our brain to have a focus on the negative.  Which is too bad.  That means we are more likely to miss the good moments, the highlights of life, in favor of the down moments.  We clearly see the negative, but can miss the positive. Unless, of course, we nurture a focus on the positive.  Unless we look for those moments of “heaven on earth.” What are your moments of heaven? 22Martin Rutte spent his career helping companies enter into dialogue for transformation.  He led difficult discussions so that company cultures could transform.  Dialogue is a powerful tool of exploration.  Which, unfortunately, is often replaced by debate in our culture.  That is what happens when we stop listening, demanding our own viewpoint.  Martin has worked to shift from the hell of debate to the heaven of dialogue. And that led him to wonder what we might be able to do to shift our world in a better direction.  So, he started wondering about those moments of heaven people have.  What were the moments?  What was common to those moments?  How might those moments become a more intentional part of life?  What if that process starts expanding those moments for more people?  Might culture and society transform? In this episode of the Thriveology Podcast, Martin gets me to discuss my moment of heaven on earth… and how I might bring that moment more into my own life.  We discuss the power of three simple questions, the power of dialogue, and the need for cultural transformation right now.  In this moment.  Perhaps a shift to a moment of heaven on earth? Listen to the episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Project Heaven On Earth Website Finding Hope or Building Hope Hope in Difficult Times Doing Your Part Your Purpose You Are Built for Impact MPI Triad

When we have some fear, it seems to the person having that fear, that the fear makes sense.  If you have a fear, it would seem that fear is real and is valid.  But often — if not most of the time — that fear is at least overblown.  Sure, there are times when a fear is valid. But since our system is designed to over-fear, we suffer fears that are neither logical nor valid.  Since some fears are legitimate, it is tough to decide what is fair fear and what is useless. In fact, those fears aren’t just useless, they are limiting.  They keep us from moving forward with living. In prior episodes, we have examined how our thoughts lead to feelings and fear, that any emotional state can be tracked to thoughts you are having, independent of reality (although it may reflect some reality). So, in this episode, David Wood returns to examine how beliefs affect and create our thoughts.  Which leads to the fact that our emotions and fears and their roots in our beliefs.  Beliefs that may not be true. But how do you test a thought, to see if it is real?  How do you examine a belief, to see if it is valid?  David pushes the envelope with an example, and follows up with a clear protocol for testing beliefs and thoughts. Listen in below. RELATED RESOURCES David’s Website Tough Conversations episode with David Playing for Real episode with David My 4 Step Process to Change Limiting Beliefs

Three years ago, at the age of 51, I walked into the jiu jitsu gym.  I wasn’t returning to some skill I learned when I was younger.  I was starting fresh.  As a beginner.  To be honest, I had some idea about what jiu jitsu involved… but I had no idea on how to participate. I was a beginner! The fact is, every accomplished person in every single field started the same way.  As a beginner.  It is an unavoidable part of starting anything and learning anything.  And at that point, you don’t even know all the things you don’t know! This is the first discovery of mastery.  The NOT knowing of everything.  So that you can start learning.  It is what the Zen masters refer to as “The Beginner Mind.”  It is the natural state of beginning, and a good mindset to nurture throughout life, even as mastery comes in other areas. Which is why it is interesting that many adults hit a point in life when they are unwilling to start new, to become the beginner.  And unfortunately, that cuts off the path of growth.  It holds us back from new experiences and new learning. My guest on this episode is Tom Vanderbilt, accomplished journalist and author, and intentional beginner.  His recent book, Beginnings, recounts Tom’s decision and path on learning some new skills and interests.  He decided to learn to play chess, draw, sing, juggle, and surf.  He even learned how to make a titanium wedding band to replace the ones lost learning to surf. In this episode, Tom and I discuss the process of learning, the Beginner’s Mind, why we struggle to reengage with beginning, and how to do it anyway.  We also discuss the powerful advantage to the learning process, straight through adulthood. Tom’s book is a must-read, since growth and learning are Thrive Principle skills for thriving people. Listen in below. RELATED RESOURCES >>Tom’s Website and Book Info

How does a young man from the projects end up playing table tennis in North Korea… on a diplomacy mission? How he ended up there is not much different than how Wally Green ended up in Germany, becoming a world-class ping pong player, after leaving his gang past behind. I “met” Wally on a Zoom call with lots of others and knew I needed to have him on Thriveology.  I wanted to talk with him because he had a  handle on thriving.  Not because he was making life look easy.  But because he was taking life on. As a child, Wally was faced with domestic violence at home and gang violence outside.  Even though he threw himself into sports as an escape, he didn’t escape gang life.  As he noted, it was a matter of survival. But guess was really saved Wally’s life?  Table tennis. How did he get there?  Because he broke a stolen pool cue.  And he took out his frustration on someone playing table tennis.  One thing led to another… and there he was in North Korea. Really, Wally is the one who needs to tell the story.  And he does, as I interview him in this episode of the Thriveology Podcast.  You can listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Wally Green’s Website Your Resilience Muscle Damaged, Resilient, or Thriving?  

Just for transparencey, I am an introvert.  And for much of my life, I found that frustrating when around others.  I felt like a deer in headlights.  How do I start a conversation?  How do I avoid not going way too deep with a conversation?  And working a room?  Makes me sweat, just to think about that. But is there any advantage to the introvert?  Is there a place where introversion can be a gift…an advantage? Well, of course.  But most introverts don’t really see it.  We just feel the frustration of watching extroverts navigate a party easily, find success in networking, and seem to be at ease in the public. But what if that group included some true introverts who have managed to look extroverted?  And what if those really aren’t strong parameters for success, anyway? On this episode, my guest is Matthew Pollard, serial entrepreneur, public speaker, author, and… introvert.  Matthew’s recent book is about how introverts can actually have the advantage in networking. In our conversation, Matthew does a great job of defining introversion, debunks some myths around introverts, and lays out a way for introverts to use their natural way of being into a success advantage. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Matthew Pollard’s Website Go Here for the Free Chapter  

“So, I guess it is pretty tough to thrive these days, isn’t it?” a friend remarked.  He was assuming that, in order to thrive, life must be going well.  Everything in place, and everything humming along. Sure, those are nice days.  And yes, they represent easier moments.  But thriving is not just about having things go well.  It is possible to thrive, in spite of what life is throwing your way. Or maybe because of what life is throwing at you. And wow, life is really throwing it at us these days, isn’t it?  Yesterday marked the one year anniversary since the first COVID case made it to the States.  We’ve been living with that virus now for a year.  Then throw in the economic struggles, thanks to the virus.  Then toss in a little political struggle, some social unrest.  These are challenging days! And if we aren’t careful, we can let media (social and otherwise) keep us hyped up on fear and dread. Or we can find our place of calm.  Our spot of ease. In this episode of Thriveology Podcast, I cover the space between Un-Ease, Dis-Ease, and Ease.  How to make the shift. RELATED RESOURCES The Coping with COVID series Dealing with Stress Finding Calm Better Breathing Starting Your Day Strong Ending Your Day Better My Books on Thriving  

The world seems to be careening forward these days.  It can feel like we are just holding on for dear life. But are we? Sure, there are events that we can’t stop or prevent.  Weather comes.  Accidents happen.  Others make choices that impact us…. Wait.  Back up there.  Did you see that?  Others are making choices.  And so can we.  Not a choice on whether or not something happens.  But a choice on how we respond to it. Each year, I choose a single word to guide my year.  This year, the word is Creator.  That does tend to be a large portion of my job these days… creating podcasts, writing books and articles, creating online courses.  Even coaching is a creative process, working to help others access their power to create.  Their power to choose. This has me reflecting on a daily basis, on exactly how I am going to be creator to my day.  What choices do I make that create my day?  What choices do I make that allow me to create? Am I in full control?  No.  Nobody is.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t have choices.  The question is not where I don’t have a choice, but where I do… and don’t act. Let’s find the power of choice in 2021. Listen in to the podcast below. RELATED RESOURCES Your Points of Control Dealing with Triangles The MPI Triad Book:  Thrive Principles – 15 Strategies for Building a Thriving Life

Wow!  What a year it has been!  And many people have asked how I can possibly speak about thriving when it just feels like we are surviving. But that is the point!  Thriving is not what we learn when everything is going well, when life is just humming along.  We learn to thrive when we take on the challenge of the tough stuff!  When we decide that surviving is not enough.  Growing and changing, challenging and surmounting.  Those are where we learn the skills of thriving. Then, when things are a bit easier… a lul in the action… we can breathe and enjoy. Which brings us to the cusp of a new year.  When 2020 started, most of us were unprepared for the last 9 or 10 months… but it was already in motion.  Now, as we look down the path of the New Year, change is once again in motion.  For us to get “back to life.” Even though life never really went away.  We didn’t go into suspended animation. Many of us made changes; many held on for dear life.  But innovation is all around us.  Evidence of what we humans do in the face of challenge, when we rise to the challenge. In this episode of the podcast, you catch me mid-run, on one of my favorite trails, just a few days before New Years.  I wanted to reflect a bit, encourage a bit, and point us all down a path that is coming, regardless. What path will you take into the New Year?  Listen in below.   RELATED RESOURCES COVID Podcast Series Habits Series One Word Resolution MPI Triad Make It Matter Thrive Principles Book

And just like that, the Holiday season is upon us! All the hustle and bustle. All the events. All the demands… in the midst of a time that you want to be enjoyable, meaningful, and manageable! Why the stress? In this week’s Thriveology Podcast, I discuss the causes of holiday stress. But more importantly, I cover the ways to cope with holiday stress. Don’t let stress rob you of the deeper meanings and connections of this holiday season. RELATED RESOURCES Why We Stress 5 Ways to Shift from Stressful to Restful Deepening the  Holidays Book:  Thrive Principles

I always find it helpful to have some “rules” to live by.  Short statements that help keep me pointed in the right direction, ready to handle the challenges of life. And let’s be honest:  challenges are an unavoidable part of life.  Those who tell you that having struggles, challenges, or illnesses is an indication that you are doing something wrong?  They are wrong and misguided.  Life is going to challenge each of us… right up until we die.  Which every one of us will do. So the question is how we live our lives.  Today.  Right now.  Regardless of what life is throwing your way. What we often do, in the face of a challenge:  Worry, Complain, Avoid.  All three keep us stuck, frozen in place and to the challenge ahead of us. So, I have decided instead, to adopt the rule of “Act or Accept.”  I will either act toward resolution, or I will accept where I am.  And the acceptance?  It need not be permanent.  It is about where I am right now.  It may be waiting for a possible action. Let’s talk about this rule and how to apply it.  Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Getting Unstuck Anxiety Resources Rules for Living Thrive Principles Book Immutable Laws of Living Book

Have you ever arrived at that spot in life…the place you were pushing to be…only to look around and realize it was not what you thought it would be?  In fact, it isn’t even what you want? Maybe that dream job, relationship, or status, really wasn’t the dream, after all.  Even if you worked hard to get there.  Even if you sacrificed to get there. Do you stay?  Or do you step back and undo? Market researchers talk about the “sunk cost fallacy.”  A “sunk cost” is the amount you have already paid or invested in something, whether time or resources.  It is already gone.  Already “sunk” (thus the name).  The fallacy part is the tendency for people to keep pushing ahead, sticking with something because of the sunk cost.  You hold onto a stock because you invested in it…even as the price plummets. Instead of leaving a losing game, you stay in because of what you have already lost. We do it every day. My guest in this episode is Erika Gerdes.  She dreamed of working at Google.  But the thought was intimidating enough that she never applied.  But she ended up there, anyway, after answering an anonymous Craigs List ad.  And there she stayed for 13 years. Along the way, though, she discovered that her “dream job” was not fulfilling her dream.  So, she finally left…at the height of her career…and became an Authenticity Advocate.  She found her voice in helping others find their voice, her calling in helping others discover their calling. What she discovered is that sometimes, you have to UN-do things to do things you want to do.  You have to practice the art of undoing. We discuss Undoing, Authenticity, Courage, Mission, and more during our conversation.  Listen in below. RELATED RESOURCES Erika’s Website (with free resources) MPI Triangle From Fear to Courage

Like a broken record… or an endless audio loop.  Those thoughts that just keep turning in your mind.  Okay, in MY mind.  But I bet it happens to you, too. Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that I get up to 2 emails.  One is complimentary, thanking me for resources, books, podcasts… things like that.  Then there is another email, critical and harsh, telling me how useless my info was. I read them both and head off to walk my dog. Do you think I ponder that kind one?  Or keep looping back to that unkind one? Yep, you guessed it.  And I bet you guessed it because it happens to you, too. And that thought… it isn’t just a passing thought.  No.  I find my body tense up, the anger/hurt churning in my gut. The other day, I was out for my morning walk with my sidekick, Ziggy (our silver lab).  We were about half-way through and I realized my palms were sweaty, tightly gripping the leash (which is a waist leash, so I don’t even need to be holding it!).  My chest is tight, my stomach is tight.  I ask myself, “why am I ready for a fight?”  Nothing had happened. Nothing. Except a thought I was having… not just having… looping.  It was about an experience that happened 3 decades ago.  One I don’t typically think about.  But today, it popped in my head and I was stuck in a loop.  Looping on an old thought that was making me feel a certain way in the present. I dropped back and followed my own little routine when I find myself looping. You can’t stop the loops from starting.  But you can decide how long you run the loops. Let’s talk about how to stop those pesky loops.  Podcast below. RELATED RESOURCES Thoughts are Thoughts Anxiety and Thought Dealing with Depression Living In The Present Book:  The Immutable Laws Of Living

These days are filled with stress. The pandemic, politics, relationships, work, pay, weather. You name it, these are stressful times. But what IS stress? As much as we toss that term around, sometimes almost as a badge of honor, you may not think about what that term is REALLY about. When we talk about “stress,” in everyday life, we are more talking about psychological stress.  Which is really just a term for something else.  Something we’d rather not claim. But once we recognize what it really is, we can do something about it.  So, let’s figure out why we stress… and what we can do about it. Listen below to this episode of the Thriveology Podcast to discover what stress really is… and what we can do about it. RELATED RESOURCES We ALL Have Fears Your Thriving Body Dealing With Anxiety Dealing With Depression Thrive Principles Book