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94 minutes | Oct 18, 2021
What's up you fuckin' stupid alien? Pop a squat with us and crack open a fresh copy of the Bitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- there's much to explore, and SO little time... This week, the girls get a little sidetracked talking about their personal journeys as their dreaded first-ever mid-twenties birthday approaches. What's acceptable to do in your twenties that must now be left behind? Is "weight loss" an elaborate lie constructed by deluded skinny people with genetics on their side? But then it's down to business: we, like, KIND OF review the new Adele single but mostly review her face. Then, we talk about Demi Lovato's declaration that "alien" is a derogatory term for the extra-terrestrial, and whether or not "right wing" artists are capable of creating good art. These points are all mostly a thematic backdrop for us to talk about ourselves: have we ever had a supernatural experience? What's scarier: the ocean, or space? Can anyone help me squeeze my freakin' boobs into this top!?! ALL is revealed. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Can you help us find the love? We think we lost it somewhere on Patreon.
87 minutes | Oct 7, 2021
The Dick, The S**t, and the Wardrobe!
In perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding. This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a shit adjacent to her husband-- and do an exposé on our own horror about bodily functions. What's the most compromising position it's OK for your partner to see you in? Is it *ever* okay to shit in the company of others? Should we de-normalize shitting? Plus, we talk about the controversial Pitchfork rescores and the state of music criticism. And that's NOT all, if you can freakin' believe it-- we also talk about the rising phenomenon of gay guys wanting to protect the sanctity of butt sex-- by taking aim at the elusive trans gay guy. How do so many gay guys exist that don't have a place in functional society? What entitles someone to claim being a man? Is *dick* what makes people gay? Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Send us to psychoanalysis for our shit fear on Patreon.
81 minutes | Oct 1, 2021
Top 10 Gay Little Monkey Moments!
All aboard the Witness Wagon, and buckle up tight, cuz it's gonna be a BUMP-y ride... It was a slow news week so the girls usher in October with a little bit of sisterly competition-- a definitive tier ranking of the female pop albums of the 2010's. This is our bread and fucking butter right here, so you DON'T want to miss it. We rank the girls of yesteryear based on quality, impact, and the Thot Topics "it" factor: namely, whether or not we can confidently say they "tore." Patrons have access to watch along via screen recording. Subscribe now! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.
86 minutes | Sep 22, 2021
We're in the HIV Lane, we're in the HIV Lane, and YOU! Y-Y-YOU! Y-Y-YOU! SOUL TRAIN! In a classic men-in-women's-business bonanza, the girls take a thrilling deep dive into fashion, fascists, and faggots! We review some of the looks from the Met Gala and wonder if next year should be the Het Gala so Dan Levy can't come; Nicki Minaj's fated run-in with the deep state and the heinous liberal media; and Lil Nas X's surprisingly OK debut album. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Don't be roman retarded and subscribe on Patreon.
89 minutes | Sep 10, 2021
We require the clues, Steven… Deliver us the clues so we may feed… Well girls, it’s just ME and YOU and MY DOG BLUE as we traverse the rocky terrain of culture once again. This week, we cover the new Lana track “Arcadia” and wonder if she is seeing everybody she knows as a car— plus give our thoughts on the Blue Banisters era overall. Then, we talk the Troye Sivan cum-back single “Angel Baby,” and try desperately to think of who might enjoy it. But that’s not all— we invite the OG Steve from Blues Clues into our home like he’s a vampire and allow him to trauma bond with us as we discuss Adult Toddler Syndrome. Last but not least we talk about Jimmy Fallon saying that unvaccinated people shouldn’t get ICU beds, and wonder who ELSE might not be entitled. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOYand @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Run your hands over us like a Land Rover on Patreon.
98 minutes | Sep 8, 2021
Camilla Caballers! (feat. Harry Tafoya)
A dream is a wish your hole makes, and Thot Topics dreamz DO come true! We're back after yet another extended hiatus (we promise to have less of those, but we were like reeeeaaaally hungover :/) and we're doing it in style. The girls are joined by the lovely and sensual HARRY TAFOYA in a high tower away from the clutches of the male gaze. But a princess can't help but let her hair down as she makes her way to the balls... We recap the Billy Porterfied Cinderella with munchy-crunchy Zoom audio for your nerve (we forgot to press record
102 minutes | Aug 21, 2021
RuPaul's Girl Race!
I'm not a girl... not yet a drag queen... This week, we convene for an international crisis panel to address the troubling military occupation in the middle east-- and after much consideration, we've decided to TaliSTAN! With that settled, we dive into much more pressing issues affecting underserved populations: the new Lizzo and Cardi B song, Lorde's comeback album Solar Power, and Hasan Piker's $3 million dollar house. But wait! There's soooo much more. We take on the OnlyFans porn ban and draw a big, hard, veiny and throbbing line in the sand on sex work; plus, we talk about the casting of a cis woman on the upcoming season of Drag Race UK. We wonder: can women do drag? (No) Is drag even worth defending? (Also maybe not, but we'll let YOU decide) We let the A/C unit run and let our freak flags fly as we uncover the answers. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Match us with the right college for free on Patreon.
93 minutes | Aug 11, 2021
Bring Your Child to Steamworks Day! (feat. Rare Candy)
The planet's getting hotter and hotter, sexy and hotter, let's shut it down! We're joined by the elegant, demure, emotionally complicated and tantalizing G Rock and Crypto Psi of the Rare Candy podcast for a riveting roundtable of global proportions. We discuss Tan France's new baby and whether or not there needs to be a mom; the UN's climate change red alert and being haunted by your litter like in the Campbell's soup commercial; and lastly, a crash course in hyperpop as Charli XCX warns of its end. We use Glen Rockney's palette as the ultimate taste test-- who transcends the boundaries of niche gay club songs, and who fails? We talk Ayesha Erotica, Charli herself, Slayyyter, SOPHIE, 100 gecs and GFOTY. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Follow the Rare Candy Boys and listen to Rare muthafuckin' Candy. Find our beach on Patreon.
78 minutes | Aug 4, 2021
Oh my God, somebody HELP! Matt Damon is chasing me down the street and calling me a fucking FAGGOT! Welcome back to our Barbie Dream House of cosmic justice to all little thotties and recent converts. We welcome you with open, warm, and supple bosom to take a look back at all things gay-as-in-stupid online this week. We're sorry we took a little break, but we explain our brief sabbatical in extensive detail. Now take your bra off, throw on a nightgown, and grab a pillow-- it's about to get naughty!! This week, we discuss the gay equivalent of storming the beach at Normandy, AKA the death of fleets on Twitter; DaBaby's totally valid and possibly even true feelings on gay men with AIDS; Lil Nas X's beautiful dark twisted prison shower fantasy; whether Jack Harlow is hot; and finally provide a definitive list of who is and who is not allowed to say "the f-slur." It's chock full of flavor-- take a BIG, DECADENT, SINFUL bite, and then spit it out. Every calorie counts!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Help us financially recover from Matt Damon's abuses on Patreon.
79 minutes | Jul 16, 2021
You know you love us... XOXO, The Thot Topics Girls... Peppa who? Pig girl. We're back with a vengeance to review the dreaded Gossip Girl reboot, and it's a boot indeed. We answer all the burning questions: Can you make a good TV drama that revolves around iPhones? Is this literally just The Shade Room? Is it actually better to cast horny teens that are actually teens? ALL is revealed. Plus, we illegally enter the White House rose garden to confront Olivia Rodrigo over her "collab" with Joe Biden. We discuss whether we regret being vaccinated, but are soon sidetracked by all the times that we have lied to Uber drivers. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us the newest members of Manhattan's elite on Patreon. It's not too late to buy merch! We had to jack up the prices a little bit because of supply shortages but we promise we'll get everything to you ASAP.
77 minutes | Jul 9, 2021
Edward Vaginafingers! (feat. @yourfriendmyles)
On the first day, God fucked him all night. On the second day, God fucked him all day. On the third day, God fucked him on sight. On the fourth day, God fucked him all ways. We come to you in radical faith to spread His word. Amen, baby. The Thot Topics e-lounge was starting to collect dust so we decided to shake out the curtains and let in the LIGHT, better known as beloved Twitter gay and friend of the pod MYLES for an excruciatingly thorough girls chat of Byzantine proportions. First, we unpack feeling gaslit by the Azealia Banks comeback single "Fuck Him All Night." THEN, we discuss the CDC warning on poppers and the subsequent faggot panic: Nick unveils some childhood trauma and the girls settle the great Poppers debate once and for all in the process. Last but not least, we take on QUEERBAITING (!!!) Can women even do it? What makes men do it besides weird exhibitionist kinks? ALL is revealed-- especially our breasts. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the American Poppers Lobby on Patreon. Follow the lovely and kindhearted Myles @yourfriendmyles.
66 minutes | Jul 1, 2021
Is This Seat Theyken?
Oh fuck!! I just spilled genderfluid all over the IKEA loveseat! Sure would be a shame if someone were to... soak it up... with THEIR big ass... We took a little break, but now it's back to us. The docket is long. The docket is thick. The docket will not be important in three days. GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT. After a riveting discussion of our teenage employment histories, we launch into the nitty-gritty: first, the IKEA pride couches. Which one would be the most comfortable for a nap? Which niche gender has the best style? What would the gay guy couch REALLY look like? Then, we take a firm stance on the Delta Variant (known to the medical community as the Derrick Barryant), Freeing Britney, and Lil Nas X's Egyptacular gay performance. OUR SUMMER MERCH LINE IS OUT!! Cop you a piece right now at thottopics.bigcartel.com. Use promo code BIGKAHUNA for a free I ❤️ Bussy wristband with the order of any T-shirt. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Help us buy a sound effects machine on Patreon.
80 minutes | Jun 17, 2021
You better axe somebody! (That somebody being us!) We welcome our precious, misguided and predominantly gay male listeners onto the back porch for an in-depth therapy session for the second THOTLINE episode. After a riveting conversation about various fast sandwich chains, we launch into our listener's quandaries. We explore our listener base's psyche with an emphasis on CUNT: CARING for the broken spirit. UNLEARNING our psychic traumas. N-GAGING on a human level, and TASTING an assortment of snacking cheeses. It's a tried and true method informed by Jung, Lacan, and the mom who is a therapist in Love, Simon. We cover a lot of ground here, folks: How does one motivate themselves to get social again after being a Covid shut-in? Is it okay to be gay and not want to fuck and suck all the time? What should you do if your romantic interest has taken to wearing statement hats? Is Jack Antonoff a total psyop? All of this and MORE is laid bare, sweetheart. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make our hotline bling on Patreon.
87 minutes | Jun 10, 2021
Ace and Based!
What's black and brown and intersex all over? Wait, I think I fucked that up... In one of the sweatiest episodes of all time, the girls return after a weeklong sabbatical to tackle this year's truly monstrous early pride-month discourse while eating a military ready-to-eat meal. We take on the NEW new pride flag piece by r-worded piece, from the new intersex circle, to the trans colors, to the black and brown stripes, diagnosing each group with a disease of the spirit. Then, we endure Nina West's Blue's Clues pride parade video, and finally decide whether gay people should be on TV at all. But that's not all: is it still hard to be gay? What's the gayest branch of the military? Are adults entitled to express their sexuality once they have kids? (No) It's an extremely juicy one. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Crack us open an ice cold Michelobeon on Patreon. Don't forget to submit your questions to the THOTLINE for next week's episode: ThotTopicsPod@gmail.com or call us at (872) 239-6261.
89 minutes | May 28, 2021
CALLING ALL PSYCHOS!! The Thot Topics THOTLINE is officially open once again!! We need more of your burning love and sex questions, your career dilemmas, your complex psychodramas, and your bad takes by phone and by email to be addressed on an upcoming episode. Call in at (872) 239-6261 or email us at ThotTopicsPod@gmail.com. Welcome to the Thot Topics Gender Terrorism and Trauma Bonding Hour. Join us as we crack open an ice cold Genderbeer and take smooth, slow sips and feel the septum piercing grow in. This week, the girls talk about Demi Lovato's nonbinary coming-out, why gender is falling out of style, the new and improved *racially charged* Pride discourse, the Lollapalooza lineup, and the worst Drag Race cast in history! It's a spicy one, ladies. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties on Patreon.
82 minutes | May 20, 2021
White Gay Summit! (feat. Will Tanski)
Calling all white gays! Now is the time to make your voice HEARD! Take your ass out and paint #BLM on it! Draw a hammer and sickle on your abs! Drop a Gofundme link under a picture of you wearing nothing but a loincloth! Rise UP and do what must be done to save America! The girls are joined in the Thot Topics plus-size creators headquarters by the one and only It Gay on Twitter, TikTok and beyond, Will Tanski! We clear the floor and allow him to clear his name over multiple CRISP cans of Zest Tea. What makes people online want to punish hot and fun people? What's so wrong about bringing man-titties to the game of opera? Does he REALLY not work out? ALL is revealed. Then, we take on a thread of Crazy Gay Guy Greatest Hits-- the official canon of insane "problematic" gay Twitter takes. We get to the root of the issue and decide once and for all-- do they belong in jail, or did they have a point? We hit all the big gay classics: Age gaps! Fucking at pride! Virtue signaling! Being fat! Someone should put us in charge of something, honestly. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Say "Gay RIGHTS!" once and for all on Patreon. Follow Will on Twitter @willtanski and Instagram @wjtanski.
77 minutes | May 15, 2021
CDC This Dick!
It's just the girls once more and this time, it's fucking mask OFF! It was a busy week for music so we run (it's really more of a brisk jog) down the list of the most hyped releases of the week with no sports bra on. (Look out, you're in the splash zone!) We REDUCE Nicki Minaj's "Fractions," LIGHT UP Katy Perry's Pokemon movie theme "Electric," HUMILIATE Olivia Rodrigo, and say some nice things about Billie Eillish. It's a good time. Then, we brace ourselves for the imminent reboot of Gossip Girl, and its showrunner's promise that the new version will feature no slut-shaming, fat-shaming or physical fights. Okay babe... Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us start seein' green on Patreon. Read Nick's interview with Slayyyter in PopMatters.
100 minutes | May 5, 2021
The Azealiathon! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi)
BWET? You don't have to ask us twice!!! Three teenage Veronas (the girls AND returning guest, our favorite diva Zach from I'm So Popular pod!) do what historians, community leaders, music journalists, and the international courts weren't brave enough to do: we catalogue the full oral history of Azealia Banks controversies, cultural flashpoints, and iconic showdowns. From Elon and Grimes, to Kreayshawn and Cardi, we set the stage for each Banksian battle and decide who was right in the end-- either the cultural shaman Azealia, or her assailants. YOUR WIFE CAN'T READ!!! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Follow Zach on Twitter and stream I'm So Popular.
66 minutes | Apr 29, 2021
Britney Dreams Do Come True! (feat. Miss Madeline)
Hey! (Hey!) What are you up to? (Mm, not much.) So I heard of this place, and it sounds like a dream... LETS FUCKING GO!!!!! The dolls are joined in the Jacuzzi of the Spirit by the inimitable pop starlet MISS MADELINE for an in-depth discush of all things bubblegum-flavored, champagne-soaked, and bikini-clad. It's truly a girls' chat for the books. After getting our gay little fangirling out of the way, we get down to business: Does art lie beyond cringe? How do you take a stand for artistry in the face of TikTok gimmicks? Is the bimboification trend a return to female instincts? Can a human being alive name a single winner of The Voice? If Y2K aesthetics are over, what's next? ALL is revealed, especially our tits. Plus, we get the oral history of Miss Madeline: standing by a parked Corvette until the owner returned and demanding a photoshoot inside it; taking the Business of Stupid deadly serious; and pushing the vision of a pop star into a sick, twisted and sexy future. CHEERS, bitches. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Write us a love song (fuck it, an album) on Patreon. Follow Miss Madeline on Twitter, Instagram, and stream her genius discography on Spotify and Apple Music.
99 minutes | Apr 15, 2021
What Gus Kenworthy's Pussy Does to a MF! (feat. @chlumbucket)
No matter black, white, beige, chola, or orient, you are welcome at Thot Topics! The girls are joined LIVE in the stu' with one of our favorite Chicago via NYC sisters Frank AKA @chlumbucket AKA Prolapsed Catholic! In an episode that can only be described as powerful and intentional female trauma-bonding, the ladies confront their demons, expunge their spiritual debts, and get them titties out once and for all. First, we review the new MARINA's state of the union address "Purge the Poison," and wonder if it's just regular bad or the ravings of a schizophrenic genius. Then, we welcome former Bachelor Colton Underwood out from the closet and into the light, and discuss his forthcoming Netflix show with "gay guide" Gus Kenworthy. Is there ANOTHER man up to the task of opening sweet Colton's eyes to the harsh realities of his new life? Lastly, we strap on our sexy once-piece lifeguard suits and take a deep dive into Lady Gaga's ARTPOP-- unpacking the psychology of the woman herself, and wonder what makes it so much more embarrassing than other "gay music." Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Take us to your planet on Patreon. Follow Frank on Twitter @chlumbucket.
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