21 minutes | Apr 27, 2022
Time Management as a Self-Love Language with Christie Heppenstall
Christie Heppenstall, a Coach & Time Strategist, returns this week to talk about how she found the key to being a high-aching women through self-love and time managment. christieheppenstallcoaching.com instagram.com/christieheppenstallcoaching thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES :25 min Aaron narrates Self-love Language what is that? And what does that have to do with Time-management? And what if moving forward and up word meant taking a moment to step back and examine how you’re running your life. I brought Christie Heppenstall back in the second have of this conversation to tell you all this. Christie helps high achieving women, and typically moms to up level their life. We only have a limited amount of time in our life to experience what we want to experience. Many times if you are running your life on a high level and not paying attention you can run into burn out. You can even lose a relationship over this and not even be enjoying the life that you’re living based on the stress involved trying to be a high achieving human. So what if you took a step back to really examine your life and ask what’s serving you and not serving. With the limited time that we have, you can do more of what you want to do. I Christie works with time management and self love strategies and help those that want to enjoy the business and life they’re living. 2 min Christie has been coaching for 20 years in a business and sales environment. It always comes down to the beliefs that people hold. Now she focuses on time managment and productivity in personal 1:1 coaching. Christie looks back over the last 10 years and wishes she had some one show her these skills, and now she’s passionate about helping other women in the same spot. Christie was needing to find the perfect hack to make it work to try to have a sense of control and feel like she has a place in the world. 4 min Now she works with women to help them recognize these common traits of really ambitious women. But the same formulas don’t work for business as they do for relationships. Aaron asks about the lower and higher brain process and how it effects time managment and loving yourself. The lower brain wants to do all the actions that give us the reward like checking off the to-dos. But you’re actually in autopilot. But thats the least loving thing you could do for yourself and Christie argues that with others. It’s all the energy and place you’re coming from. If you’re coming from a place where your cup is full it will be different with whatever you do. All the days add up of to your life, but you’re doing it from a more authentic place when you’re taking care for yourself. It’s not going to land the same way because your not loving yourself 6:30 min Christie suggests getting outside of your bubble and outside of the chaos, no social media.. it’s an exercise to be with yourself. And then you write down your genius moments of clarity when you are your true self. Start with what do you actually want in your life. Christie suggests planning out your eulogy, it’s a little dark, but it gets you to think bigger. You’ll have a bigger reason why. 8:30 min It’s taking out time for yourself to craft out the legacy and life that you want to leave. Thats the most self-loving thing you can do. You’re going this with your higher brain, your pre-frontal cortex. It’s whats best for you in the long wrong. The lower brain asks what’s good right now, which will be a completely different result. To do lists are toxic and shame and guilt inducing. 9:50 min Christie’s way of replacing the To-Do List is every Sunday evening she sits down and gets everything out of her brain. You get everything out of your head that you feel you have to do. Half the battle is getting it out. You cross things off that others could do or what doesn’t aline with your goals. You add in what self care means to you. It’s taking time for yourself. Add it all to the list 12 min You put it all into your calendar. Like booking a trip to Austin, you decide how long it’s going to take ahead of time. Christie highly recommend morning time of 20 min before the kids get up. It starts with yourself. The Oxygen mask analogy can get people pleasy if we’re still doing it from a place of only doing it for others. 14 min Christie’s future self would tell her past self just to slow down and write down how you’re thinking and feeling. When you Slow down it will speed you up for what you really want in life. You’re one thought away 15:50 min Christie typically helps high performing women with a couple gives and realize that something’s got to give. The problem internal struggle is perfection, people pleasing, and when you do something it doesn’t feel authentic. They are overwhelmed because they look at their schedule and realize they have to do it all. The real help is discovering what thoughts and beliefs have us in this season of life. 17:50 min The women Christie works with are looking for peace, purpose, and simplicity. You can contact Christie on her website Christieheppenstallcoaching.com and her instagram.com/christieheppenstall Christie gives a detailed 5 step program for ridding your to-do list. 20:10 Aaron Closes Thanks so much for listening if you enjoy this episode and you rethought having a better relationship with yourself around time management. I’d love to know about it. Please leave a review and tell us your experience or share it with a friend. If you’d like to connect with Christie Heppenstall you can find her on instagram.com/christieheppenstall Coaching or on her website Christieheppenstallcoaching.com If you are hurt and heartbroken and would like to reclaim your self-worth and feel confident and whole again I’d love to support you. Feel free to follow me on Instagram.com/AaronTosti or connect with me at thekindoflove.com. You’ve been listening to TKOL podcast. I’m Aaron. Best of love to you.
38 minutes | Apr 21, 2022
Better Men Film Club with Nick Flora
bettermenfilmclub.com instagram.com/bettermenfilmclub/ thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES ::29 min Aaron Talks Thank you so much for listening. There is so much content out there. There is so many people with microphones in from tof their faces. So may movies.. that I appreciate you taking the time to listen to this. We’ve had so many moves that have shaped us. When I started this podcast it came from this idea that we can attach ourselves to other peoples stories and characters in movies. In the first season of TKOL I talked about movies and songs that shaped my early years and thinking. Recently a friend and fellow coach Nick Flora, who’s been on the podcast before, has started Better Men Film Club where men get together and talk about the deeper meaning behind movies and the characters. I thought I would bring Nick back to tell us what he’s up to. 2 min Welcome back Nick ! Aaron talked about the movie High Fidelity in the first season and nick says thats the perfect entry point to Better Men Film Club. There was a lot of one demential feelings in movies from similar movies. And Nick says when we were younger we dated girls cause they had our favorite bands T-shirt on. 4 min BMFC is a space for men open p the capacity to go deeper Nick and Aaron are a different breed of men who like to look underneath and ask deeper questions. Aaron Talks about rob Jordan being self involved and how he related a lot at a young age to the character and even his transformation. 6:30 min Nick says to take the next step to do something different instead of being surface level or one demential. Nick says whatever makes you look at things outside of yourself while you’re also going in and example A lot of time people attach themselves to stories in movies, like Aaron’s friend did with Back to the Future. 7:50 min Aaron Asks how Nick facilitates the BMFC. Nick just restarted it. And they talked about the movie Stand By Movie and immediately shared things together. If you went to tell a story about your childhood you would just repeat what you’ve told before but through the lens of a movie it makes you rethink and resurface new things. 11 min Nick says we are visual creatures and sometimes it takes relating to a Character in a movie. Art allows us to see something different about ourselves. Nick says it’s like an empathy playground to Relate to different characters 13 min It’s a gateway to looking at deeper emotions. Aaron says because he’s seen men taught to suppress anger, he’s related to characters like being The Hulk with anger and about to go green. Aaron Mentions another episode why men need each other. Nick says men could understand that what we’ve been taught sometimes is actually the opposite like vulnerability. Vulnerability is strength not a weakness, like asking for help or admitting that you don’t know something. 15 min Historically a lot of white men has looked stupid because we were closed. But asking for help is a power move. Nick has learned so much by shutting up and listening. He says it’s important that we shut up and listen to learn more 16:40 min Nick mentions the Chris Rock and Will smith slap. And what if we asked more questions about that ? Do your family feel safe when you respond in violence? What are you doing that you think is one way that’s actually coming off another way ? 18:30 min Aaron asks what if Will Smith would have paused to reframe that moment. What would have been a different outcome ? Will had so much time to rethink, so many steps to reconsider. 20 min The messages we’ve been told through movies is to stand up and be a man. But, It’s our jobs as humans to be more evolved. Aaron and Nick joke that BMFC is like fight club but just punching our emotions. Aaron asks how this has made lives better. 22 min It’s invited men to have more conversations and rethink the way they’re doing things. Nick says we’re the first generation to be more inclusive and a little more in touch. Men walk away rethinking their relationship dynamic. 24 min Men are taught that if it has too much complexity to drop out. Men are attracted to the machines. Men wishing things for simpler. Nick says we need to Understand that men have both feminine and masculine. Men tend to only tap into the masculine because of society. Able to listen to a song and watch a movie and have emotions around it. 27:30 min Nick jokes that he comes with a lot, it’s never a little… like the Catalina wine mixer. Nick would like BMFC to grow. It’s like writing a song. You dream big. Just let it be what it is. 29:30 min It’s the butterfly effect. You can’t change the whole world, but you can change your world right now. You only have control over that. What are we doing if we’re not trying to be better and hopefully heal trauma. Take that and pass it along to the next person. 31:30 min Reimagining our meaning that we’re making up around our experiences. Which character do you connect with? You can go to bettermenfilmclub.com and sign up for their events in April. 32:50 min Podcast is going every week with nicks friend who’s on a similar journey. The podcast is equal parts movie nerd and equal parts looking out ourselves Aaron could spend a lot more time but 34 min Aaron Talks about how Forrest Gump gets him every time and his emotional intelligence. He accepts everyone and accepts his callings. Nick Flora, FG says yes to his calling and just loves everyone he comes in contact with. He has mental issues but no qualms with who he is. 36:30 min Aaron says, “Yes Forrest. Life is like a box of chocolates.” 37:20 min Aaron Closes What do you think about attaching yourself to a character in a movie? If you want to conned with Nick on every platform under Better Men Film Club. If you are hurt and heartbroken and wanting to heal from a past relationship and find self-worth. You can reach out to me. You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast. I’m Aaron Best of Love to You.
30 minutes | Apr 5, 2022
How I Ended My High-Achieving Mom Guilt with Christie Heppenstall
Christie Heppenstall, a Coach & Time Strategist, joins Aaron this week to tell her story about how she stopped the cycle of high-achieving mom guilt by changing her thoughts and drinking habits. christieheppenstallcoaching.com instagram.com/christieheppenstallcoaching thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES :25 min Aarons Talks So since I’ve started this podcast it’s been centered around having a better relationship with yourself and reframing, rethinking, reimagining what it looks like on the life and love you desire. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if what you’re doing is serving your higher good and the good for those around you. Life happens, things come up, habits get forms.. you continue grow into who you want to be or someone you don’t want to be. It’s more about how you respond to life relationships love all of it This weeks guest is my new wonderful friend Christie Heppenstall who is a transformational coach that works around time management but her discovery around being a high achieving human and the coping mechanism she fell into.. A very socially acceptable copy mechanism… A glass of wine. every day to lessen the stress around being a high achieving businesswoman and mom. I think for a lot of us and especially if you’re a parent who is also having a full-time job or a business owner it’s easy to slip into habits that make the hard parts of life even harder. Really wanted Christie to start off by sharing her story around how she freed herself from mom guilt by stop drinking.. and continued her path as a high achieving businesswoman… just by observing her thinking. 3:30 min Christie Begins telling Aaron her story about how she quit drinking. She had equated her achievements at work with her self-worth. 6 min Christie was doing well achieving until she had kids. And got really into time scheduling hacks. She realized she couldn’t control everything in her environment. She would get into cycles where she was ambish Christie thought by playing more additional roles she could get ride of mom guilt. She tried to solve her feelings by doing more and playing all of these roles.. 8:30 min Her mantra was “I’m fine” mixed with perfection and having to do everything at her best. Christie would hit overwhelm. She had to wear the mask of “ having it all together.” She would try to be zen, and trying to solve an emotional by doing a thing even if that means trying to let go. 11:00 min Christie started ramping up the habit of drinking a glass of wine, which she refers to as her BFF. She thought her companion, the glass of wine, would help her. And she never suspected there was a problem. She would start bargaining and justifying drinking, and realizing that it’s totally socially acceptable. 14 min Aaron asks Christie what the tipping point was how that changed things for her. Christie has an extensive coaching background but she found a new book that was noting that all behavior comes from a feeling. 15 min Christie asked herself what she was feeling when she went to go have a glass of wine The gateway into having a better life was quitting alcohol. Anything you do is because of what you feel, and what you feel is from a thought. Christie didn’t think it could be that simple and so she tried it. 17:30 min She has a desire and a craving, but it was all centered around thinking “I deserve this” She questions her thoughts. Is that what she wanted? She gently let go of those thoughts. 19 min Christie completely quite like a miraculous sobriety. Aaron pauses Christie for a moment to ask about all of the detachment that has to happen biologically and if she considers that cold turkey. Christie says cold turkey is out of will power, but this was different. The beliefs around her desires just weren’t true. 21 min She realized she had 20 years of beliefs that were convincing her to drink. Christie says, alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not using. It became a personal challenge to question her thoughts. She started Slowing down and questioning everything. 23:30 in February 2020 Christie’s mom got diagnosed with cancer and she was the only sibling that was in the same state to help her. 24:45 min Aaron asks Christie how the alcohol was effecting your marriage. When she looks at her husband she still sees the core of her husband. Christie said her husband responded with “What a cute little phase”. They wondered how it might change their relationship, but it didn’t. 26:45 min We can evolve in our own ways and be ok with each other changing. Aaron says thats the most power thing to love someone through the different phases of life. Christie was forever changed from what she learned from that time period. 28:45 min Aaron Closes Hey thanks so much for listening if you enjoy this episode and either had an aha moment or thought having a better relationship with yourself we’d love to hear about it. Please leave us a podcast review it always helps others become aware of this podcast and my passion to help people love themselves better through self-awareness. If you’d like to follow or connect with Christie you can do still on Instagram.com/christieheppenstallcoaching or christieheppenstallcoaching.com Make sure to stay tune for next episode when I speak with Christie about how time management in your life is a love language of it’s own. If you are feeling hurt and heartbroken and want to reclaim a better relationship with yourself and have more self-worth so you can feel confident in hole a person. I’d love to support you. You can connect with me on Instagram at Aarontosti email@example.com You’ve been listening to TKOL podcast I’m Aaron. Best of love to you
39 minutes | Mar 29, 2022
Now That I Know Better with Morgan Pratt
Morgan continues to share her story about dating a sociopath, and what she’s learned from it all. thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES :25 min Aaron Narrates After talking with Morgan about the red flags of a narcissist and possible sociopath, we now talk about understanding this specific trauma and finding awareness and healing on the other side. We try to see the other side of the trauma. Morgan talks about not needing someone to complete her in her life. Rather just two good people coming together. We can’t blame ourself for what we don’t know. We can only do better once we know better. A sociopath doesn’t actually care about you. They’ll just move on to the next person. So what do you do? How do you see this as a gift? How do you learn from such a dysfunctional relationship? It’s shocking when someone has been lying to you. So how do you take off the blinders. How do you trust your intuition again now that you’re re-learning to see what’s a lie and whats the truth? When something dramatic or traumatic happens, you have to understand what its about for you. You have to see what the other person created and what you created. Understand their pain doesn’t have to be your suffering. When you start acknowledging that this was a pattern of someone else, and that it wasn’t about you. You stop blaming yourself. And when you stop blaming yourself, that’s the first step into loving and healing yourself. If you can see this unfortunate experience as a gift, such as going through this level of trauma, it can motivate you for your next relationship. You will want to be even more aware for that next person, and attract someone who is as healthy as you are. 4:10 min Morgan had to figure out morning the loss of someone who isn’t even real. She was romantically over him immediately. Morgan says the self work of it was understanding why it happened. What about myself, attracted a person like that. Morgan says they target honesty. 7:30 min Morgan talks about her child wound of not having a father around. She says it was like her subconscious was looking for what looked like security. Morgan realizes no one can complete you. She says you don’t need someone to make yourself complete in your life. 10:30 min Morgan blamed herself for not seeing or not knowing. You can only be responsible for what I did know. I can’t beat myself up for what I didn’t know. 12 min Not shaming yourself for what you haven’t learned yet. You would be shaming your intuition. Different phases you go through. It’s a very specific trauma. First phase being denial. Morgan was distracted at first by her Ex moving on. A sociopath will move on to a new person. You have to look at yourself and see it as a super dysfunctional gift. 16 min Why does Morgan’s friend want to be hold onto a dysfunctional ex ? When you move in with somebody, you’re giving up part of your life to be with someone. 17:40 min It’s a rude awakening to know that someone’s lied to you in a relationship. You get comfortable and use to the love trauma. Some people make it a full body break up experience. Morgan feels all of the things. Aaron Things all of the things. 20 min Aaron asks Morgan, “what is the love that you do want now that you’ve been through such a traumatic relationship.” Morgan listens to her intuition. Now she knows the red flags. “There’s something that I’m not trusting with you” You need to be on the same page and have the same values. 22 min Morgan just not dating right now. She took a break. Morgan feels like she is as healed as she can be. Lying is a deal breaking, non negotiable for Morgan 23 min Little “t” triggers and big “T” Triggers, or small red flags and big red flags. “When you’re wearing rose colored glasses, they all just look like flags.”- Morgan It’s a lot of upfront conversation to be honest from the beginning. 25:30 min What looks safe for Morgan dating again? When does she share her story with her new partner ? If someone doesn’t know your wounds of the past, they might still be a trustworthy person who is pushing your triggers and not knowing it. “I would like to think that the next relationship that person will be able to hold space for me.” - Morgan 27:20 min After all of this dysfunctional talk, Aaron said he’s looking for some kind of silverzlining and true love in Morgan’s story. If you’ve been digesting lies for a long time. At some point you have to let yourself purge all of that crap. Shame want’s to hide it, so instead bring it out into the light. Morgan put out there as public knowledge and had women respond with “He did that to me too” You tend to blame yourself, but when you look at it and see that it’s a pattern you don’t blame yourself. It puts light on all the times someones makes YOU feel like you’re “crazy” and then you realize they’re the crazy maker. 30:40 min Morgan’s at a place where she’s really happy with herself. But she does want to be with someone who is equal to the healthy relationship she wants to be in. Morgans ok if she doesn’t find it. 32 min It turns to a dating in your 30s conversation. Morgan says she wants to cut herself some slack. Nothing ever happens on the timeline you think it does. If it happen’s cool if it doesn’t cool. I’ll be ok. Morgan says, “My current relationship is very successful” referring to being single. 33:40 min Aaron thanks Morgan for spreading the awareness of the conversation. Morgan’s advises to reach out others and bring crappy things to light and trust your intuition. Find people that will help and talk with you through it. Morgan didn’t realize she was in an abusive relationship until someone else helped her see that. 36:20 min Love is no strings attached and with someone like a sociopath all the strings are attached and you become a puppet. 38 min Healing relationships is all about having an awareness. Become aware of behavior patterns, trust your intuition and when something doesn’t go the way you expect, see it as a gift. When you appreciate it as a gift, you see it as a learning experience, and you gain the power of awareness. You can only change and heal from what you are aware of. Many people would want to stuff, his, run from, avoid an experience like this, but they don’t give themselves a chance to heal. Thanks for listening TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron. Best of Love to You
38 minutes | Mar 22, 2022
What My Ex Didn't Tell Me with Morgan Pratt
Morgan returns from the first season to share her story with Aaron about all of the red flags she became aware of after dating a sociopath. thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti :23 Aaron Talks This is a two part episode on a heavier topic around narcissism and sociopathic tendencies. In my field of work I don’t like to throw around the word narcissism or sociopath very often. I view narcissism like a scale or a spectrum. I suggest people really get clear on the differences. Narcissists are very hurt wounded people on the inside who feel they need have the world revolve around them and they need to make others small in order to do that. Generally speaking psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. Sociopaths are all narcissists but not all narcissists are sociopaths. So you know… I am not a psychologist, I’m a coach and my passion is being a student of life, love and relationships. This episode is intended to bring awareness to those that might be trapped in a harmful relationship with someone who may be sociopathic or an extreme narcissist. My friend Morgan, who I dated in high school and was in an episode of the first season, has returned to tell us about her experience dating a Sociopath & a narcissist. Not a light conversation. Have you found yourself ignoring red flags. Have you had the blinders on and make excuses for your partners harmful behaviors? You might be in a relationship with an unhealthy destructive person and need to seek professional help. When someone has extreme manipulative behaviors, they are hiding something and don’t want you to find out. If you expose the truth, they’ll make you feel bad for it by misdirecting guilt. Thats a form of gaslighting. When you make excuses for your partner that don’t add up, you start becoming part of their disillusioned story and fantasy. This is why exposing the truth with other safe people is so important. Hiding it will only make it worse. The only way out of a harmful relationship like this is to start telling yourself the truth and trusting your intuition. This first part is about understanding the red flags, because they don’t always appear that way at first. Morgan has been so bold and vulnerable to be able to share her story so that others may be able to step out of harms way. Before the conversation gets started, if you’ve been listening to this podcast and something stands out to you or you’ve had an aha moment or maybe rethought love in someway. Please go ahead and leave a review and share your experience. It helps others learn from their experiences as well. 3:20 min Morgan starts out telling a story about being told to smile by a drunk gay guy at a bar, and how she called him out. Misogyny doesn’t always come from strait men. Morgan didn’t feel unsafe, but she speaks about how the Me Too moment has allowed her to speak up. 5:15 min Aaron turns the conversation over to talking about dating a sociopath, the story of Morgan’s experience. Some people experience it more often than you think but a lot of women experience some form of abuse and it’s not until they’re told that a light comes on and it makes sense. 6:40 min Morgan mentions the classic move and red flags are love bombing super hard. Saying things like You’re everything they’re looking for. Like they are studying you. Everything moved quickly and for Morgan it was the first time she had let a boyfriend move in with her so quickly. The person on the receiving end is overlooking the red flags. 9:30 min Red flags are just something to be aware of and question intention. Be aware and ask why someone is so ready to move in so quickly for instance. Aaron talks about being aware of putting all of yourself in to the relationship, but it was different for Morgan. The relationship seemed to be everything that she wanted at first. She had been waiting for so long for something. They we into all of the same things. 12 min The relationship seemed really in sync, but Morgan overlooked a lot of things. Morgan said, “He was a piece of work.” Morgan made a lot excuses when he was making a slight of hand. Another major red flag for Morgan was her ex describing every ex girlfriend as “crazy”. “All my ex’s are crazy.” If all of your ex’s are crazy, that means you’re the common denominator. Morgan asks, what does that word “crazy” even mean? It can be an easy out, especially for a compulsive liar. 15:30 min Aaron asks about what the tale tale signs were and when it all started clicking for Morgan. Morgan didn’t see any signs for a year. Morgan started seeing that he wasn’t being honest. She just had a gut feeling. She felt anxiety in her chest. 17 min Morgan shares a story about how her ex made excuses when they were going to a concert. Little lies building up to bigger ones. Morgan shares a big lie about her ex and his passport. 19:40 min Aaron asked if there was ever any confrontation, and Morgan said that the main thing was that he was cheating on her the entire time. Morgan finally caught him in a lie but then he blamed it back on Morgan. Morgan thought she was going crazy. He was so good at creating a lie. She talks about how you would have to spend a lot of close time lithesome to even know its going on. 22 min Morgan talked to his ex girlfriends and they all told her the same story. The same story she had gone through. Morgan started writing a blog. The best way to not be holding on to a lie is to share the truth. 23:15 min Aaron asks where Morgan saw signs of narcissism as apposed to sociopathic behavior. Morgan doesn’t have a degree but she’s done so much research and a lot of therapy around this. In his mind it’s grandiose, but the dichotomy is that he hates himself so he has to fill the hole or lack from everybody around him. 26 min Narcissist need others to fill the lack in them. The co-dependent becomes like a drug. They need someone to affirm their addiction to not address their pain. Morgan shares a wild story about her ex coming home with a machine gun and had no explanation for it. 28:20 min Morgan also shares a story about her ex lying about how he doesn’t have a PayPal account. He was great and spinning stories. Morgan said he had major finance and responsibility red flags like still paying for his ex’s or jumping to another account drastically. Sociopaths are so good at lying they can pass a polygraph. 30:30 min Aaron asks what wasthe catalyst for getting out of the relationship.. Morgan was planning to meet him out of down, but her ex didn’t pick her up for 20 hours. She stayed in the city by herself. Morgan tells the really big story about how they ended up breaking up to her friend. Her friend knew the truth and just assumed Morgan and her ex were in an open relationship which wasn’t the case. It ended back with an argument with him saying “your crazy”. Morgan kicked him outing changed the locks 35:50 min Aaron says “ I don’t think ending on good terms is the end of a story for being with a sociopath.” Morgan said she had to dig deep and investigate. She started reading other people’s stories with the same patterns. Aaron asks about the aftermath of the relationship…. 37:20 min Aaron Closes Thanks so much for listening to TKOL podcast. Make sure to check in next week for part two of my conversation with Morgan around The aftermath of recovering from this type of harmful relationship. If you or you know someone who is struggling in a harmful relationship patterns and is trying to recover from her and heartbreak and wants to clean their self-worth and wants to feel like a whole person again. Please reach out to me or another professional. You can connect with me about my heart centered life and relationship coaching at thekindoflove.com or on Instagram.com/AaronTosti. This is TKOL podcast. I’m Aaron. Best of love to you.
30 minutes | Mar 16, 2022
The Art of Slowing Down with Eric DeLong
Aaron talks with his friend Eric DeLong, a Life Coach & Songwriter about how his practice of slowing down has impacted his life. instagram.com/ericdelongmusic thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES :25 Aaron Talks Do you feel so rushed, hurried, stress, anxious that you rarely find yourself enjoying much of anything.. One of my favorite ideas came from a book called “The One Thing” and it mentions how multi-tasking was a term invented for computers, not for humans…. Our culture and really our ego want to believe that we’re expected to be all places at all times for fear we might not be enough or might be missing out on something else. But that’s not how we’re instead to function. We’re intended to function in the present moment. This week I invited my friend and fellow Coach Eric DeLong about how you can create our own anxiety by being somewhere else other than where you are at right now. Often we’re either ahead of ourselves worrying about the outcome or lingering in the past struggling to let go. This is like adding more stress to stress and suck the enjoyment out of whats happening right in front of you, even if it’s what you said you wanted. Eric shares his practice of slowing down, getting into your 5 senses, even if it’s just as simple as enjoy a cup of coffee you made. And real quick before we launch into the interview, if you found yourself rethinking love or coming to a new awareness about love and relationships.. I’d love to hear about it. Please leave this podcast a review and share.. when you share your growth it not only helps you, but helps others. 3:30 min Aaron introduces Eric. Eric has a lot to his story… he’s been a pastor, been through divorce, been a musician, and had a lot of transformation since then. 4:30 min Aaron asks Eric about the art of slowing down. Eric explains that slowing down is about the present awareness. It’s helped him amongst the chaos of life and also helped him appreciate the beaut in life. Eric stumbled upon this idea when he got divorce and it started with meditation. 6:20 min Eric said he was so stressed that he started smell. Our senses are a sensual connection to the present moment. 7:50 min Eric shares what that practice looks like in his daily life. The power of your sense brings you into the present moment. A simple example is slowing down to enjoy food and coffee. How often have you driven somewhere but forgot how you got there? 10 min Eric takes this practice into other aspects in his life like taking walks and feeling into his body and listening to the sounds around him. It’s about being where you are. It’s simple and brings out a lot of gratitude. 12 min There’s a lot of components of slowing down, like allowing yourself a margin that suits you. Eric talks about leaving margin of times to put you in a mind frame of responding, calm, and not reacting. 14:20 min Aaron asks Eric a question, Eric has to think, but then Aaron reminds him that he’s free to slow down. Aaron talks about how he was coached to come almost to a completely stop, a pause to get him out of a reactionary place and more into a responsive state. 15:20 min Our response naturally is to be urgent, but Eric sometimes closes his eyes and asks himself how he is doing. Sometimes you’ll be surprised at how you’re doing. People appreciate a thoughtful response. 17 min Aaron Talks about showing up and allowing yourself to be authentic in the present moment. Sometimes its a reflection for others to take time to listen to themselves. 19 min When you slow down you have more enjoyment for the moment. There’s infinite moments in the world yet we’re appreciating this moment. Eric talks about why it’s important like being on a date and enjoying the meal, and not getting caught up with the deadline like a movie. When you’re not present you’re robbing yourself of the experience. 21:30 min Maybe your just meant to enjoy and revel in the meal. If you’re rushed and hurried you’re not going to enjoy the moments for its fullest potential. Aaron uses Eric’s remarks as an analogy for relationships and how we get ahead of ourselves in relationships instead of enjoy where you’re at. 23:40 min Aaron asks Eric if this has effected his creative writing process in music. Eric enjoyed the process. Eric says so often we try to get to the outcome, but Eckhart Tolle talks about being in the process. 25:30 min Eric talks about not getting ahead of himself in the writing process and not going back to old writing patterns. Eric has a song about feeling younger as you get older. 27 min Eric said he wouldn’t have made his most favorite song, if he hadn’t slowed down. Eric asks himself, “Whats coming up for me right now?” Eric is about to put out some new music. You can follow Eric on instagram.com/ericdelongmusic 28 min Eric’s last thoughts are to slow down and connect with your senses. Instead of doing things to get where you’re going, do things to enjoy where you are. Aaron says it can lower so much stress and anxiety. Now we’re going to step into the goodness of Thai Food. 29:20 Closing Thanks for listening. Eric helps recovering nice people speak their needs, own their wants and live their truth. If you’d like to connect with Eric for coaching, or be the first to hear his new music.. follow him on instagram.com/ericdelongmusic If you are feeling hurt, heartbroken and would like to claim your self-worth, stop harmful relationship patterns, Love yourself, and find confidence and independence.. I’d love to support you.. you can connect with me thekindoflove.com or instagram.com/aarontosti You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron Best of love to you.
18 minutes | Mar 2, 2022
Discerning Between Your Wants, Needs, & Neediness with Tracy-Rose
In this episode Aaron talks with his cousin Tracy-Rose, a trauma and therapy informed mentor, about understanding the difference between neediness, needs, wants and how powerful fear can be. Instagram.com/salveofthecircle thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES :25 min Bringing self-awareness around your desires and how you use your attention in your relationship. When we were young the love that we got was equal to the attention we got from our parents or caretakers. When we get into relationships we place our attention where we want love, have desires, and how we tend to our needs. Many times we can get attached or even become addicted to what doesn’t serve us well. Think of how you spend your attention on your phone, where you spend your attention in your relationship, and how you spend it on yourself.? If we aren't honest with ourselves about what we want and crave, we'll find ourselves placing our attention else where, self-meditating and coping. What if you were honest with yourself about what you crave, what your fears really are, and how you want to feel in your relationship? Do you think your experience would change? In part 3 of my conversation with Tracy-Rose, we talk about decreeing between our wants and needs. We talk on the difference between knowing our needs and neediness, how powerful fear can control our relationships, and that fear will keep us trapped in harmful relationships with ourselves. 2:04 min Tracy motions how important it is to discern between your needs and wants. A lot of us live from a place of “I want” and it can get diluted to “I need”. A lot of us continue the same behaviors and reactions expecting different response, which is insanity 3:00 min Aaron talk about the difference between needs and neediness. Neediness feel desperate. Tracy-Rose says neediness is a want. Needs are typically simple. Getting in touch with your ego and form a relationship. Tracy-Rose doesn’t think kill your ego is good, but rather having a healthy ego. But it can be confusing if you don’t know what you need. 5:30 min People can get addicted to the need from others like getting likes on Instagram and getting attention to feel like a whole person. Tracy did a Technology detox that was 72 hours and learned that most people are doing something else with technology. Like driving in the car without having the music playing. Aaron mentions mindfulness. Tracy mentions consumption and the proportion of intake vs outtake. 7:20 min Over technology can actually keep you from dating. Like two women discussing how they want to date more, getting asked out, but being scared to actually say yes. Dating, when done safely is just an exchange of energy. Women have different ideas around safety but Dating doesn’t have to be as vulnerable as you think it is. Aaron’s favorite piece from the book, “If the Buddha dated” is crawling into love, rather than falling into love. And how you are created a bond and be mindful in the present moment with that person rather getting ahead of yourself. 9:10 min Tracy-Rose talks about having mutual friends when she met her partner. She found safety in reference checking with friends. Tracy had those stressful Intrusive thoughts around dating her partner and then slowed down had better conversation with herself. She was able then to observe how she was showing up. 11 min Let the date be what it is and don’t get far ahead of yourself. Like being at the coffee shop and seeing someone you like, not interpreting them as your baby mama, but maybe let it be the women that get a smile from. Then there’s not so much fear around the vulnerability. 11:50 min Aaron says he loves curiosity as a response to anxious thoughts that are what if worst case scenarios. But instead, what if something awesome happens? Then your needs shift from a future thought to the present moment. 12:50 min Tracy-Rose talks about a show she was watching based around fear. Fear is powerful and can be a destructive energy. Fear often dehumanizes. 13:50 min Most often fear creates BS illusions. Its about listening to fear so it doesn’t take control of you. Fear wants to grip ahold of you, and then we become self-fulfilling prophecies. Fear can render you unable to move and therefore feeling stuck in the patterns and cycle. It’s like being stuck spinning in place or analysis paralysis. It’s like putting the gas and the brakes on at the same time. We all need to take a breath. 16 min Tracy-Rose wraps up by thanking each other for being here and thanking the listeners. Hopefully something inspired you in this episode. 16:50 Closing Thanks for doing us in this conversation. If there was something inspiring or you rethought something we’d love to hear about it in the reviews. Reviews help spread more awareness about the podcast. If you if want to connect with Tracy-Rose on instagram.com/salveofthecircle If you are struggling in harmful relationship patterns and want to claim your self worth, you can connect with me thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/aarontosti You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast. I’m Aaron Best of love to you.
24 minutes | Feb 23, 2022
Dating, Attraction, and Having a Secure Attachment with Tracy-Rose Lisauskas
In this episode, Aaron talks more with his cousin Tracy-Rose, a trauma and therapy informed mentor, about Dating, Attraction, and having a Secure Attachment Style post 2020. Instagram.com/salveofthecircle thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti SHOW NOTES :25 min Aaron Talks Do you have an awareness around your attachment style and what you attract and are attracted to? Do you have an awareness around what you are creating with your thoughts? After 2020 that has been an adjustment for some of us. Sometimes it’s easy to slip into not being aware of the interactions and outcomes of daily social dynamics. Wondering why you have the same experiences over and over again and wonder why nothing changes. Many times we don't allow ourselves to change our response, or step into something different because its uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Even though we say we want something different or new, it seems to be foreign. We don’t have a different experience, so we go into old patterns and responses. What if you took a chance on changing your approach and doing something different? In this Part 2 with Tracy-Rose my trauma and therapy informed cousin.. we talk about the different aspects of your own self-awareness, your patterns, habits, self-worth, neediness, assumptions, boundaries, and what it looks like to have a secure attachment style especially post 2020.. 2:25 min Tracy talks about how it’s weird to go out now, and Aaron mentions it’s terrible for dating. Masks don’t help flirting. We’re all adjusting to post 2022 social environments. 4:25 min Aaron talks about dating and his attachment styles. He took the Attached test which really helped him understand and reframe his interactions in dating and clients. 5:50 min Aaron talks about moving out of Anxiety by making it about the other person rather yourself and by seeing whats great about them. A good way to view the Secure attachment style is like being a lighthouse, not a tug boat. A great relationship would be like going on a road trip and not needing to chase or avoid each other, but simply be together. 7 min Secure attachment is steady, confident, like the light house spreading the light, but not trying to drag anyone your way. 8:30 min A relationship is a Co-creation. Theres an energy that changes when you come together. When we show up with someone, all of us shows up. 9:50 min Tracy-Rose talks about showing up as your healed disciplined self. Seeing yourself as whole. There’s a difference in energy that shows up when you are attracted to someone as apposed to meeting just anyone. 12 min Tracy-Rose talks about the Social prompts and cues when you’re attracted to someone new. You’re still the same person but your energy shifts and changes. You’re like a peacock who shows their feathers. We are shape shifting and adapting to our environment. 14 min In the metaphor of the lighthouse, we might say “Thats a good looking boat” but as a lighthouse attracting someone, we stay grounded remaining to be ourselves in the process. 15 min Aaron has heard it said that we’ve lost the art of dating. It’s about being mindful in the moment and being aware of your whole self showing up, your patterns, your habits, and your self worth. 16 min Tracy-Rose shares an interaction she had. Understanding where the other person’s energy is and meeting them with hers. Aaron talks about the 3 energies of give, take, and receive. When the two energies between two people come together and theirs attraction, sometimes you can start creating desires that you didn’t have before or that are from your past. It came up as you are talking with this person. 18 min Aaron talks about asking for consent and asking yourself, whats the story going on for you. It is desperate neediness energy trying to GET something from someone.It’s not manipulative. It’s about not making assumptions and asking questions. 19:45 min Tracy-Rose talks about the male to female interaction. Some women just give away their number not knowing that they really wanted to. It’s about being aware, slowing down, having pause, and creating a safe space. The women has to feel like she’s allowed her authentic self to be there. 21 min It’s a risk, but it allows the women to say yes or no without rejection, abandonment, or retaliation. Aaron shares his story of being challenged to ask out enough women to get rejected 5 times. He noticed if he used the word date, it was a lot of pressure for women. 22:30 min It’s about slowing down, pausing, and even asking yourself for permission if this is something you want. And then being intentional from there. 23 min Closing Thanks for listening to TKOL Podcast. Hopefully you had some takeaways from this episode. If you did have something come up for you around relationships or self-awareness.. I’d love to hear about it. Please give the podcast a review. You can connect with Tracy-Rose on Instagram.com/salveofthecircle Stay tuned for the next episode when Tracy and I talk more about neediness, cravings, and how we can even come addicted to the attention on social media and in our relationships that give us a false sense of identity instead of feeling like a whole person. If you’re struggling in harmful relationship patterns, and you’d ike to free yourself by claiming your self-worth. You can find me here… thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/Aarontosti You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron. Best of Love to You.
19 minutes | Feb 16, 2022
Facing Harmful Thoughts and Conversations with Yourself with Tracy-Rose
In this episode Aaron talks with his cousin Tracy-Rose, a trauma and therapy informed mentor, about compulsive thinking, thought patterns, and how to be the observer of your thoughts. instagram.com/tracyroselisauskastherapy/ Instagram.com/salveofthecircle instagram.com/Aarontosti If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo Show Notes :25 min Aaron Talks Sometimes it takes tragedy strikes until we decide to understand whats happening under the surface and our relationship with ourself. Why do we need to have more self-awareness around our self talk, thought partners, and it’s effecting our self-worth. When we break through the awareness of how our thoughts are effecting are lives then we can change. It changes our compulsive thinking, addictions, attachments to unhealthy things and can even shift our self worth when we recognize the harmful conversations we are having with ourselves. I brought my therapy and trauma-informed cousin Tracy-Rose to talk about some these deeper truths and self-awareness topics. This first Part we talk about mindfulness, addiction, compulsive thinking, not taking things personally, and facing second guessing and the inner critic.. It’s about changing your inner world before you change your outer world. 2 min Aaron shares a bit of his story about having better self-talk and how he quit smoking around observing his thought patterns and self-talk. It became a way to not react off of every thought, and take more control of yourself. 4:30 min Tracy -Rose mentions involuntary thoughts, ADHD, and OCD being common terms we use around thought patterns. Its the mind overthinking and going, going, going. We can be taken hostage by our minds. Tracy says addictions are us self-medicating on things you think you have control over, but really it has control over you 6:30 min It takes slowing down and observing thoughts. Tracy thought every thought she had to believe and she had to react to them. She didn’t understand the connection at from. Aaron talks about not only observing your thoughts, but then starting to observing your feelings. He shares a story about he had an involuntary thought that he was weird, like an inner bully. 10 min What do you do with these involuntary thoughts. How would you talk to yourself if you were being bullied? Tracy says our thoughts do have any impact until we put meaning to them. She hears the word “weird” and thinks that cool. Aaron heard it Tracy explains DBT ( after the interview she correct that and she meant CBT). Its basically mindfulness. Your experiences reinforce your thoughts until you take control of them. 14 min Tracy-Rose talks about having reactions and not taking things personally. Usually our involuntary thoughts come from something in our environment, even on an unconscious level. 16 min Coffee shops are social anxiety inducing, everyone’s checking in and seeing whats going on while getting hopped up on coffee. Aaron says it’s like a daytime sober bar. Second guess or self judging is normal. Reevaluating social cues and interaction since 2020 because we’ve been hibernating and told to stay home and be anti-social. 17:45 min Closing Thanks for Listening to TKOL Podcast. Please leave a review and let us know if you had an “ah-ha” moments. Stay tuned for the next episode Tracy and Aaron Talk about Dating, Attraction and Attachment styles after 2020. You can connect with Tracy-Rose here instagram.com/salveofthecircle If you’re struggling in harmful relationship patterns and want to claim your self-worth. You can connect with me here thekindoflove.com You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast. I’m Aaron. Best of Love to you.
36 minutes | Feb 9, 2022
Seeing the Homeless Through the Lens of Love with Joe Photo
In this episode, Aaron talks with photographer and love coach Joe “Photo” Paulicivic about seeing through a different lens for the homeless and the release of his new photo book The Dirty Kids. If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo joephoto.com thekindoflove.com Show Notes :23 min Aaron Talks: Consider the good in humanity. Thats what this episode is all about. I ask you what does love look like to you? What does love look like when you approach someone else’s situation and what it would be like to be in their shoes? What would love look like if you were living on the street? My Guest today Joe Paulicivic a photographer and love coach, has recently released a book of photographs to show us through his lens another look at homelessness. It’s a group, a community of homeless who call themselves the Dirty Kids. Joe spent several years making friends and collecting photos to share with you a different perspective. We are conditioned in our culture to assume a lot about our homeless. Maybe we cast judgments about their lifestyle. Maybe we think they are lazy. Maybe we see them as victims of society. But is that absolutely true? The Dirty Kids actually choose and accept being on the street as a lifestyle. They have formed a community mindset around sharing and being accepting of that fact that what ever they need will come to them, instead of living in fear of security. The rawness and realness of our conversation may even be shocking, but I would encourage you to consider this word on the street from Joe from a different lens, a compassionate one… Here's a short excerpt from the forward by Father Richard Roar and what he had to say about Joe’s book of photographs. "It shows that clothing and table placement... 2:20 min Joe first met the dirty kids in New Orleans 2010 and one of them wanted him to take a shocking photo. 4:30 min March of 2014 Joe was wearing a Free Hug t-shirt and gave out free hugs to dirty kids The dirty kids pride themselves on how dirty they can be, hopping trains 6:40 min A strong connection happened at Mardi Gras when Joe started hugging the Dirty Kids. Joe’s daughter was also on the brink of being on the street. She is what the Dirty kids would called a home bomb. Dirty kids travel really light. 9 min Every where he goes Joe hugs people, the dirty kids were no different to him. Reggie one of the DK was one of the first kid Joe felt an open door to spend more time and connect. They developed more relationships by Joe photographing over 100 photographs of the Dirty Kids. 12:10 min Not many kids don’t make it to their 40s. Its a conscious choice for them to be on the streets. Many are orphans and they don’t want to be told what to do, so they made their own culture. Many of them are strong adventurous personalities on the street. They are artists and or free spirits. They share everything with each other. They believe whatever they need will come to them. 15:20 Many of are not as engaged with our community. So they’ve learned to share more. The general public often sees homelessness as a problem, but Joe sees them as not a problem. They are perceived as dangerous. 18 min Joe’s been a friend to them. He’s not trying to convert them into anything different, but an opportunity to exercise compassion. Joe would love the book to bring awareness and compassion for the homeless. It’s a deep paradigm to consider people that are different than us as not a problem. People tend to move in circles that are similar. 21 min Joe is hopeful that this will be an opportunity for more discovery of our common humanity. Joe is in a different place than 8 years ago when this started. He sees these kids who are typically scapegoats as opportunity to look at his own struggles and forgiveness. These kids as a metaphor of living in the shadows, helps us recognize the shadows we live in. The security we look to can easily get shut down by things like COVID. Most of us are terrified about being on the streets. 24:50 min Joe compares the homeless to the leopards of Jesus’s day. Many of them have experienced loss and suffering. Through Joe’s lens, like his daughter, he sees so much shame that the Dirty Kids live in. But says they are not looking for pity, but human connection. 27 min Joe talks about eye contact being a great way to approach the homeless. In our society we’re not taught to make much eye contact or hug each other for prolong periods of time, which can see them just like everyone else. It can help those feeling like victims, have more hope when you make eye contact and be more present with them. And then it can open real conversations. 30 min Relationships begin with acknowledgment and then curiosity. The Dirty Kids will surprise you with their grace and perspective. 31:45 min The book came out Dec 2021 and you get get a copy at joephoto.com Joe’s hope is that the book would open eyes and hearts to consider a different experience with the homeless. Not everyone is called to the level of trust and courage to approach the homeless. They can be unpredictable. Joe hopes that others will see the common humanity between the homeless. As Joe began to tear up, he talks about the book ultimately being a healing experience for himself and his judgments. The Dirty kids has helped him go into his shadows and seeing himself as equal. The book has been liberating for Joe, and a way to be a friend to the Dirty Kids. 35:30 min Thanks so much for listening. Joephoto.com If you’re looking to empower yourself out of harmful relationship patterns and claim your self-worth you can connect with Aaron here… Instagram.com/aarontosti Thekindoflove.com You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron Best of Love to You
54 minutes | Dec 14, 2021
Marriage: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously with Steve Wilmot
In this episode, Aaron talks with his longtime friend Steve Wilmot about marriage, sarcasm, music, comedy, Steve’s cool wife, listening to your partner, and how not taking yourself too seriously will glue your marriage. instagram.com/jacaranda_real instagram.com/aarontosti thekindoflove.com
40 minutes | Dec 8, 2021
Empowering Men to Date the Women of Their Dreams with Emily Freeman
In this episode, Aaron talks with Emily Freeman about supporting and empowering men to go from confused to confident in their dating life. instagram.com/emilyfreemancoaching TikTok: @emilyfreemancoaching Emilyfreemancoaching.com Instagram.com/aarontosti thekindoflove.com SHOW NOTES :23 Aaron Talks Dating can be challenging right? There’s so many nuances that you can get caught up in that keep you stuck from just pursuing someone, having fun and enjoying the journey. For men it can be really challenging on dating apps, first dates, and simply knowing how to attract the kind of women you desire. So I invited my next guest Emily Freeman, who empowers and inspires driven men to go from confused to confident and find the women of their dreams. Emily does such a great job of bringing awareness to what are often common dating frustrations for men. We talk about green flags to look for in a high quality women, what women are are looking for in dating profiles, pursuing vs chasing, the stories we make up in our head about the person we’re dating, and some of the underlying issues that keep men from leaning into the relationship they desire.. It’s packed full of good stuff 2:00 min Excited to have you, Aaron has become a fan of Emily 2:40 min Why Emily started coaching men Dating is deeply personal, Emily wanted to create a safe space for men Dating is a complete mirror Release shame 5:20 min Women are looking for leadership It’s extremely attractive for a man to make decisions reducing the polarity of Feminine and masculine energy can reduce attraction 6:55 min The way to be attractive is to know what you want Establish self-love to know how to receive a woman’s love You have to feel it yourself first, what am I rejecting when it comes to receiving love and affection? When something doesn’t feel familiar we are often not attracted, thats why so many men chase “unavailable” 9:40 min Lets talk about the green flag What are the green flags in a high quality babe ? She knows how to meet her own needs and effectively communicate what she needs and wants Boundaries allow a women to be wholly herself while stepping into a partnership Laughing is a green flag A women who is present at willing to take things slow Intensity vs intimacy You can’t just ask all the right questions Enthusiastically responding to your requests 12:40 Some men feel like it falls on their shoulders Alleviate the pressure by contacting and Another green flag is noticing how she treats other people, how does she handle conflict? 14:24 min The mirror for all of those green flags to be reflected back for women The anxious attachment can get lost looking for a sign and not being in the actual relationship 15:45 min Aaron Genuinely misses the art of dating romance Crawling into love intimacy that happens in Patience is really important 16:20 min Confusion around leaning into something vs rushing in to a relationship Being cautiously optimistic, with the expectation that you are still getting to know each other 17 min People jump too quickly into assuming whether someone is right or wrong for them Collecting “datapoint” just taking notice of what’s your 18:40 min Marriage isn’t an expectation anymore it’s a choice The head & heart conversation, you can know all of the things but at the end of the day can you just sit down and have a conversation 21:30 min Just let what is be There’s a lot of fear in dating and thats why they call it “falling into love..” The body doesn’t know the difference between anxiety and excitement.. the brain interprets it Anxious-excited trap at the end of the day it’s fear 23:30 min If you’re not clear on your why then you won’t stay motivated Pursue rather than chase 24:35 min Indirectly Inviting a women into your world through your dating profile Be intentional about who you want to date 25:30 min Women want to know what their lives are going to be like when they see your profile Women are sensitive to reading men’s energy 27:30 min Men don’t really fill out their profile, it shows your level of investment I want to be attracted to all women and the fear of rejection go hand in hand Don’t need to be overly serious, be intentional without taking yourself too seriously 29 min What makes a girl head over heals for a dude? Be unapologetically who you are Be in the energy of “I love who I am. I love my life, and the women who comes into my life is going to love it too. If it’s not you that’s ok. If it is you, how exciting!” Women are attracted to men that have a lot of options in life and that his life is full waking up knowing what his mission is. Chemistry can’t be calculated It’s hard to build chemistry with someone who is stuck in their head 32:30 min What makes a man magnetic who is dude who can get out of his head and being grounded in his body Jumping from thought to thought doesn’t make a women feel safe Men being present is the most masculine things you can be 34 min Emily teaches being mind, body, and soul expertise to get present Cognitive bias will make what you think is true, true If you have a believe that you can’t find a women, it will confirm that you’re right 36:35 min Put yourself out there. It’s not rejection it’s selection, the more you can face it the less it effects you Dating should be fun ! Creating compassion and fun will help everyone else be open Don’t worry about showing her a good time, have a good time for you Thanks for listening to TKOL Podcast. Emily inspires driven men to go from confused to confident in their dating lives so they can find the women of their dreams. If you want to connect with Emily, here’s where you can find her. Instagram: @emilyfreemancoaching TikTok: @emilyfreemancoaching Website: Emilyfreemancoaching.com If you feel trapped in harmful relationship patterns and want to feel free and confident by stepping into your self worth. You can connect with me here.. Instagram.com/aarontosti thekindoflove.com Thanks for listing to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron. Best of Love to you.
40 minutes | Dec 1, 2021
Connecting To Your Sensuality with Tamar Gail
In this episode, Aaron talks with Tamar Gail, a Tantric Life Coach, about how to connect with your sensuality and have a better conscious sex life. instagram.com/tamargail The Holy Erotic Podcast instagram.com/the_holy_erotic instagram.com/Aarontosti thekindoflove.com If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo Show Notes 00:24 min Aaron Talks What could you know that would help your relationship’s intimacy and deepen your sex life? What does conscious sex even look like? These questions drove me to want to have a conversation with my new friend and sex healer/coach Tamar Gail.. Often when the issues around sex occur or stops all together.. thats a pretty good sign the relationship is moving away from being connected.. Wherever your at.. theres a-lot of things we tell ourselves around sex.. Maybe you’ve had a bad experience around sex and so you wrote it off. Maybe you’re putting up with unwanted terrible sex in your relationship and you want to go deeper. Maybe you’ve come to believe that sex is bad or a taboo topic. Or some other limiting belief around it. Maybe after a bad experience sex and you’re trying to tap back into your sexuality. Maybe you’ve been scarred from a relationship around sex and trusting someone Maybe you are a woman and you haven’t really had the chance to experience deep connected sex and intimacy. I really wanted to reframe this idea that sex is scary for some, self medicating for others, or that it’s taboo to explore your own sexuality. Tamar has had a lot of experience working with women about what women really need from a conscious sex life. She helps women tap into their sensual nature, heal from sexual trauma, and bridge the spiritual and the sexual. So anyway.. i thought i’d ask her If you feel like anything I’ve said is for you, well then this conversation is for you.. Conversation: 2:50 min What do women really need from men in the bedroom? Women miss sensuality and have a deeper connection Ask men to do something different can challenging to the mens ego 5:30 min Navigating conversations around sex A lot of men are in there heads instead of their body Learning and be willing to practice sex to get back in their bodies 8:18 min Focusing on your breathe can get you more in your heart Women connect in their heart and in their breasts first Its a conscious practice being aware of every aspect of it 10:20 min Important to be aware of the women, in order for her to open up she has to feel safe Men can connect better with women is with there presence 12:20 min Is Aaron asking digging to deep? Aaron explains connecting his mindfulness 14:00 min What’s really going on when we’re having sex How do we get men out of there head fantasies Younger years men want to get it out Healthy/Conscious sex Everything is fair as along as they are agreed upon 16:15 min Connected sex vs connect sex Chemicals bonding us in sex Unlearning unhealthy bonds Either your a psychopath or Buddha 18 min Tamar speaks on women bonding in sex Swamping DNA and energy during sex It can be damaging to have multiple partners Women have the ability to hold energy for up to 7 years 19:30 min Womb work Staying independent with your energy Meditations to have healing sex and create alchemy Clearing sex trauma and becoming more of yourself 21:15 min Making sense of the functional and the spiritual Being the observer of your energy The energy arc between women’s nipples 23:30 min Clouded judgment around relationships Clearing everything from the past and getting in touch with your intuition The more we are in touch with our intuition the better we are in life with people, relationships and sex 24:45 min People can get lost and not choose from an honest place You’re not going to be able to experience pleasure if you’re in your head Simple movements can be orgasmic 27:20 min Sex is spiritual It takes presence to have a better sex life Sensuality is connecting your senses 29 min Getting more spicy with practices Kissing is very sensual and doesn’t get enough credit Actually use your senses Blindfolding and heightening other senses 30:50 min the feather works to bring out more senses Yab Yum position, breathing can bring you closer together Your body knows and you can trust 32:15 Sexy food for thought Feeling like you want more out of your sex life Embodiment practices Teaching ways to connect and go deeper, conscious sexuality, and You can connect with Tamar @holy_erotic on IG 34:30 min Real orgasm vs an energetic orgasm You can release traumas in the body You might cry, laugh or have an orgasm 35:40 min Opening up other aspects of life with your sensuality Your radiance can attract the good in bad, and the practices help strengthening your boundaries Work can take off Dropping back into the energy Tamar is starting her own podcast of erotic poetry called “The Holy Erotic” 38:50 min Thanks for listening to TKOL Podcast. Please leave a review if you had any “Ah-ha” moments or rethought something around sex. If you’d like to connect with Tamar you can do so instagram.com/theholyerotic and check out her podcast The Holy Erotic. You can connect with me thekindoflove.com or instagram.com/aarontosti You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast. I’m Aaron Best of Love to You.
63 minutes | Nov 24, 2021
How to Find Your Life Partner with Ana Morales
In this episode, Aaron talks with Intuitive Advisor & Astrologer Ana Morales about her method to attract your life partner. instagram.com/justanamorales instagram.com/Aarontosti thekindoflove.com Show Notes :23 min Aaron Talks After you’ve worked on having a better relationship with yourself and your ready to find a life partner… now what? When I set out to be a coach originally I didn’t know exactly what path it was going to take me on. As time went on my passion has really become to help people free themselves from what holds them back from love, by have a better relationships with themselves, and find meaningful love. It’s a funny thing. When that happened I started making new friends that shared similar passions like my guest this episode Ana Morales. I met Ana through her husband and we had a ton in common. She helps people heal different aspects of their life through intuitive readings and astrology. Something I’ve been a little skeptical of in the past.. But when we became friends and had an intuitive session together, I really appreciated her line of work and her wisdom Ana not only helps people heal their lives but also is a matchmaker. She has a fascinating way of attracting your dream partner by a unique method she likes to call The Easy Wave. Where you write down a list of things you want in your future partner and she helps you with the rest.. If you’re ready to find that special someone… you’ll want to hear what she has to say… 2:20 min Conversation starts Ana does astrology, but her passion is to help people on their path You have to believe in you and your own dream Ana loves the feeling of melancholy because its so close to romance 6 min the longing for a partner Ana hit Aaron with so much truth Ana uses astrology as a tool understanding the 12 houses in astrology 8:30 min astrology is like looking at a weather app A tool to connect with your inner intuition Matching through astrology 12:15 min astrology like the enneagram Putting too much weight on matching with the right sign most people only know their sun sign 14:30 min respecting people’s soul journey Don’t tress pass others boundaries Ana respects the places she goes 17:20 min Getting someone’s permission to give you a message If no one asks you for help, don’t give them advice Ana is really just here to help people discover their passion 21 min Kanye West dream to bring people in one song how can people “unite in song” with a partner Ana’s formula of “the 25 things list” about your future partner Ana was ready for marriage and wanted a latin man at first 25:30 min what you want and your partner has to be specific Latino background thinks at age 33 “your not going to find someone single without kids” after you make your list you have to ask yourself am I this person? If you’re not that person than you need to work on that part Ana was looking for a savior do you help her with her bills 28 min Ask yourself how are you feel if you find this person you’re looking for Keep feeling that feeling 31 min Ana worked with Aaron on knowing the emotions he’s going to feel Keep doing affirmations Your insecurities will try to tell you you need to look at the list every day but you don’t have to if you’re unsure, you’ll have people that look like the list, but look like past relationships 35 min whenever you have intercourse with someone you bring the energy with you The things on your list will come about in many different people but you’re ultimately going to have to choose when you get invited to places say yes because you never know 37:30 min The baby shower story Her friend didn’t want to go to the party Your circle of friends see you as a single person, and can limit you there her friend’s environment was reinforcing her identity of being single Anna‘s intuition told her who her new friends I’ve been to be was 42:40 min Ana was the third wheel They got engaged ! Had her friend not stepped out if her comfort zone she would not have met her husband 44:45 min there were things that were even better than she imagined Just make the list and believe it If you only have 24 out of the 25 things let the one thing go 46:45 min sacrifice vs compromise be specific about your list and ask for help 49:00 min finding a good group of friends that you trust You’re suppose to have different experiences Get your parents involved, at the end of the day they want you to be happy The funeral story and the lady with 8 kids Everything the mom prayed for the kids future came true 54:10 min whatever you set your list up for, thats what you’re going to get Dating in the US is confusing Kent, Ana’s husband professed his love and Ana was direct Kent got the shoes that Ana hates.. but she never saw them 61:00 min there’s a bunch of information at our fingertips but don’t let it sidetrack you from your purpose 61:30 Aaron Closes Thanks for listening. Hopefully you were inspired to get clear about your life partner after this episode. Please let us know if you had any inspirational thoughts from this episode by leaving us a review and feel free to share this episode with a friend. If you would like to connect with Ana about finding your life partner or you would like an intuitive session with her.. you can find her on Instagram instagram.com/justanamorales You’ve Been listening to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron. Best of Love to You.
45 minutes | Nov 17, 2021
The Enneagram: Love it or Hate it... It's Helpful with Samantha Frances
In this episode, Aaron discusses with friend and fellow Life Coach Samantha Frances about at first not liking it, but then finding interest with the Enneagram. thekindoflove.com instagram.com/aarontosti instagram/samanthafrances 00:24 min Aaron Talks And now the episode you’ve all been waiting for…or maybe not and thats ok too. Not everyone likes personality assessments and typologies like the Enneagram. I found the Enneagram a tool that I use in helping connect partners, relationships, and people have a better understanding of themselves. So whatever you think about the enneagram, whether you love it or hate it, this episode could be a proper introduction for you. I find the enneagram on my road to recovery and now use it as a tool to help people be more empathetic and understand of their partners. To come from a place of love rather than fear. I invited my friend, fellow coach & musician, Samantha Frances who also happens to be the same Enneagram number as myself. The number 6. We’ve had many laughs about resisting or hating it at first but now see it as a useful self-growth tool. Love it or hate it… here’s why the enneagram might be helpful for you… 1:50 min Of all of the other numbers 6’s are the hardest to pic out Sam didn’t like the enneagram at first Sam thought it was BS at first Aaron thought it described his personality a little too well 5:20 min Sam finally warmed up to the enneagram Once she got emotional about it she recognized it as a tool Aaron find it a great tool for relationships 7:40 min We’re not actually our fixation, it’s a coping mechanism Its about not taking your number personally Not beating yourself or using your EN number as an excuse Sam’s subtype is a sexual enneagram 6 Its the motivation that defines your number 11:40 min Clarifying the subtypes social, sexual and self-preservation Sexual subtypes are a lot more intense Social person is more concerned with everybody Counter phobic six are thrill junkies Sam rather be the leader of the team 14:40 min Social subtype finds value in being apart of the group Goin through each number and what their fear and what they look like Going backwards the 1 has a fear of “doing it wrong” 1, 9, and 8 are in the anger triad 9 lets things go and then explodes in anger 17:40 min The 8 is the challenger They are afraid of being manipulated 7 is the enthusiast Starting a lot of projects but never finishing Biggest fear is pain itself 21:20 6 is the loyalist and are driven toward chasing a false sense of safety 6’s are great at troubleshooting 7, 6 and 5 are the thinking triad and not connected to emotions 5 is the investigator 24:40 min Aaron gets a long with enneagram 5 because of the details Sam doesn’t like research and would rather outsource it to a EN5 5’s biggest fear is incompetence 27:30 min EN 4 is the individualist They see the beauty in thing, but with out looking at their own significance They have to create something to move through their emotions 30:20 min Sam wanted to be a 4 at first The 4 starts the emotional triad The 3 has a fear of not being valued or having success The 2 is he helper like a host or classic mom 33:10 min There often in a profession where they are taking care of people Helping is a strategy to GET love Most therapists are enneagram 6, AND comedians ! Sam didn’t like the enneagram cause she couldn’t figure it out 36 min The enneagram will show you what you don’t like A self preservation EN6 is like a jewish mother Enneagram love hat is like getting through the first few episodes of a new Netflix serious 38:10 min Not everyone wants to do self-work and thats ok Sam likes when you know the motivation behind the number Aaron memorizes everyone’s number People think they know their number but they don’t 41:50 min At the end of the day enneagram is just a tool Has enneagram helped other relationships like family and partnerships? 44 min Thanks for listening. You can connect with Sam here instagram.com/samanthafrances You can connect with me here thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/aarontosti You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron Best of Love to You
31 minutes | Nov 9, 2021
A Powerful Uncommon Process for Addressing Anxiety with Denise Darlene-Paulicivic
In this episode, Aaron talks with spiritual coach Denise Darlene-Paulicivic about an entirely different way to resolving your anxiety. thekindoflove.com newparadigmoflove.com instagram.com/aarontosti SHOW NOTES 00:23 min Aaron Talks I’m always asking deeper questions.. Like, what are the tools that we can use to better yourself in relationships and in every day life? Many people are bound up by anxious ideas like… what’s gonna happen next? Where is the money I need going to come from? Where’s my relationship headed? Who am I going to end up with? Where’s my career headed? And then get stuck in an anxiety loop around uncertainty. One thing I’ve learned and also coach is practicing presents. When you’re present you take your mind off of the past, off of the future, and deal with what’s happening in that moment. Many times that helps, BUT how do you deal with heavy amounts of anxiety that continues to come up? Anxiety comes up and it triggers the brain to create a problem that isn’t there many times. It puts you a state of fear about the future. So I invited my relationship and spiritual coach back because I’m very interested in these kind of “loving yourself” hacks if you will… Many times in relationships especially it comes down to our perception and learning how to embrace our emotions in the present moment while not creating any harm for a future. So how can you in a holistic way shift from anxiety to which by the way is a massive health issue in our culture, to calmness, peace, homeostasis.. If we can learn to calm the sympathetic nervous system and calm the mind that can bring us back to a more centered or grounded place. Denise had an interesting story to tell about how she used a simple yet powerful tool that can shift everything in moments of anxiety into something else… 3:45 min Talked a lot about attaching things to our identity, which Triggered when fear shows up Fears around money and the thought of lack implementing curiosity when your brain is tryin to solve a problem every time there’s a problem, theres going to be a negative emotion along with 6 min Curiosity is like waiting for a Christmas present “ I can’t wait to find out” Shuts the brain off, calms the sympathetic nervous system, and you can’t wait to tell the story Grounding place comes with the supporting story 9:20 min Suspending the belief that there is a problem Connecting with God/Spirit “ I remember when it worked out for me” 10:30 min Denises story around a medical bill She spent 7 days in the hospital, and she didn’t have medical insurance Bird interruption 12:30 min Denise went from “where’s this money going to come from to “I am so curious how this bill is going to get paid” with a strong intention Like a great mystery, “ I know it’s coming” Denise didn’t qualify for the first program, she stayed curious The hospital has sponsors for people who can’t pay the medical bill 15:20 min 85% of her bill was covered She eliminated so much personal suffering by staying curious Like “what am I getting for Christmas?” 18 min More like a mystery than detective work Once you have curiosity.. stick with it like “I wonder what else?” Also a component of trust, “something is coming!” Benevolent creative energy Denise has a great tool box for her happiness Whats happens when the voice of anxiety continues 22:10 Oh fear’s here, time to get curious Denise is on the play ground with God Denise challenges Aaron on needing 2 grand to show up, and reframed it to “I would Like 2 grand to show up” Do you know what you’re going to use the money for Once we start surrendering, you have full permission to say “I don’t know” 24:45 min Releasing attachment to the outcome and the path is in your On a brain level it releases the self-doubt It takes your attention off of the need to suffer in anxiety “I don’t have to figure it out” is Denise’s relationship with Spirit / God Choices that brings challenges, aren’t wrong.. sometimes you need the challenge and the test 27:30 min It takes courage to learn from life challenges The ego is all about trying to figure things out “Do I want to continue to suffer?” My way out is to do the complete Control is brought to you by fear 29:40 Aaron Closes Thanks of listening to TKOL Podcast. If you’d like to Connect with Denise you can find her at NewParadigmofLove.com If you are looking to move past your heartache and gain more self-worth. I’d love to connect with you. You can find me here thekindoflove.com Or follow me on instagram.com/aarontosti Yo’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast. I’m Aaron. Best of Love to you
32 minutes | Oct 13, 2021
Do Men Really Need Each Other ? with David Tosti & Ryah Arthur of TMPL
In this episode, Aaron talks with David Tosti and Ryah Arthur about how a brotherhood group can be so vital to a mans life. thekindoflove.com/promo thekindoflove.com instagram.com/aarontosti GUEST INFO www.TMPL.one Ryah Arthur https://www.instagram.com/samuryah David Tosti https://www.instagram.com/davidtosti Show Notes :23 min Aaron Talks Here we are another episode of TKOL podcast. This episode is a little different. I’ve been on this kick lately around masculinity and what it looks like to be a man in our modern culture. Centuries ago we were swinging axes and protecting each other on a battlefield somewhere. Even in our last hundred years we’ve either picked up a trade that our fathers shared with us. But in these modern times we put all those trades down to maybe become entrepreneurs of sorts. For men it seems like in modern times we either join a community, build our own community, or find ourselves in the in between. As men in our modern culture… It’s not uncommon to feel isolated, alone, and caged from your inner passions. You need to be seen for who you are, acknowledged for where you’re at, and held to the vision of your future. Without each other, in brotherhood, without some form of community of men, we become dormant from transforming into the men we want to be, forgetting to take the steps necessary to accomplish our significant missions to make this world better. And it just so happens that my brother David Tosti and his longtime friend Ryah Arthur, both coaches, have create a group they called TMPL Brotherhood were men can share their stories together, unleash their creativity, be active, and support one another in and outside of daily life. This idea of men bonding and connecting on a deeper level was so interesting and needed I thought I would let Ryah and David tell you what they’re up to… 2:30 min early beginnings of temple brotherhood Dave wanted to bring more men community together Ryah was all in 5 min Ryah tribal games The name TMPL is from the center of community It’s not just a workout group 7:30 min distinguishing what brotherhood is from TMPL Not a-lot of other things that bring men together besides sports Not getting what you need from your friends 9:30 min integrate mental, physical, spiritual ice bath, workouts and more Each guy is heard with a talking stick Art and expression 12:30 min nurturing your creativity Mens avoidance to nurture Intentional connection with one or two guys can open up for breakthrough 15:20 min most men are in their heads Like dead poet society Drop judgements, perfection, and have more empathy More expressive self 17:15 min TMPL move. Get In the body Monthly themes Deep dive breath-work 19:30 the book the War of Art In war shield was actually for the person next them in war Ryah and David are bring the concept of the shield to the modern man 22:20 min it’s way easier to give than to receive Its really powerful medicine to be there when another man is going through a heavy time Men knowing its ok to feel what their feeling 25 min interesting stories from TMPL Men have put themselves out of their comfort zone the thing you most fear is usually the navigational tool to point you in the right direction 28:20 min quote from Joseph Cambell Often people are like the walking dead Men having support whatever vocation they want to pursue Hold you to your pations 30:15 min when you’re living in your true purpose you’re going to make the world better What TMPL looks like for 2021-22 Thanks for listening! If anything from this episode has resonated or connected with you in some way, I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts by giving TKOL podcast a review or sharing this episode with a friend. If you’d like to connect with the temple brotherhood you can reach out to them on Instagram @TMPL_one I’ve left additional links in the show notes. You’ve been listening to the kind of podcast. I’m Aaron. Best of Love to You
11 minutes | Sep 9, 2021
When You're On the Verge of Divorce
In this episode, Aaron talks about the possibility of staying together when you’re on the verge of divorce. instagram.com/aarontosti thekindoflove.com Show Notes If there’s one thing that breaks my heart is seeing people get divorced, especially when I can see that it’s recoverable. Here are the top reasons get divorced Money Lack of intimacy Infidelity Abuse Lack of compatibility Physical appearance Addictions Getting married at an early age Getting married for the wrong reasons Lack of communication Lack of equality and loss of identity None of these said psychopath or sociopath. Just to speak a caveat.. I’m not saying divorces are all bad, or that in some instances they can actually be liberating and send someone on a healing journey.. What I’m intending for this episode, is that.. wherever you go there you will be. But if you can heal and shift your perspective and grow into a better more present version of yourself while remaining married.. it’s possible. I’ve sat down many times with someone who is at the tipping point of their relationship. That moment where harmful patterns have been overlooked and not addressed. Things are really starting to fall apart. Someones at the edge of a nervous break down, or someone did the unthinkable. Every relationship is a dance. It takes two to create harmful patterns. Being from a divorced family myself, seeing several divorces go down, and having several heartbreak relationships in my life.. What I’ve noticed is that we fall in love one loving behavior at a time, and we also fall out of love one unloving behavior at a time. Just like gaining or loosing weight, you gain one unhealthy bite at a time, but you can also loose weight one thoughtful meal and exercise at a time. In divorce, you have this seemingly overnight experience that the relationship came apart and “it’s over”. But what you really have is these unloving behaviors staked on top of each other. Trust is built over time, and can be restored overtime. Unloving behaviors come from a place of fear to where we forget that we fell in love with our partner at some point. One thing you can do is write a list of what had you fall in love with that person in the first place. Ask yourself, “what did I get out of falling in love with this person?” What did they give you? And whatever it is that you got out of being with that person whether it’s affection, confidence, a sense of security, romance, intimacy… can you give that to yourself ? We are always on a path of discovering more and more about ourselves on a daily basis. You’re either moving towards being a healthy person, or you are moving away from that into being an unhealthy person. And it takes ONE PERSON, just one person in the relationship to put their foot down and become a healthy version of themselves. A more honest, healthy, truer version of themselves. And THAT is what becomes attractive. Not only are you making healthy relationship choices and breaking away from co-dependency, but the healthy parts of you become attractive to the healthy parts of your partner. Not only do you begin to trust yourself again, but you also give your partner the freedom that they need to have to be themselves. When you are ok with being yourself, you don’t need that person to be a certain way for you. The biggest problem in relationships is that we think the other person is our problem and that drives us insane. “If they we’re they way they are, then I would have to respond, act, and be this way” But when we look at ourselves and notice how we’re contributing to the relationship.. What you’re doing Why you’re doing it And understanding what that is about for us, and what the story is that we’re telling ourselves around the relationship And then TURN AROUND those behaviors, habits, thought patterns. Slowing down enough to understand what those thoughts and feelings are telling you. And then ask yourself, “Is this belief I keep holding about this relationship even True?” We all operate from a place of either LOVE or FEAR. A place of GIVING or a place of trying to GET our needs met. A pace of RECEIVING, ALLOWING, AND ACCEPTING or a place of trying to block and control. So it just takes that one person to step up to the plate, and love themselves. At the core of loving yourself is learning how to be present with yourself. Gaining the capacity to do what’s best, kind and loving for you, you’re then able to understand and have compassion for your partner. You’re able love them and have the capacity to be present for them. You’re then able to have capacity for your kids if you have them. And then understanding the story you have been telling yourself all this time.. Is it a story of “I’m going to be rejected if..XY and Z happen” Or is it “I’m going to be abandoned if they leave or XYZ happens.” When you believe these fears, you do behaviors and strategies to compensate because you think it gives you what you want. But the truth is… you’re not getting your needs met. If you know someone, or you are that someone struggling to love themselves Or Maybe you’re not allowing other people to love you. Or maybe you find it hard to set a boundary when you’re in a situation of unloving behavior I just want you to know there is hope and possibility for you out there. There is a choice out there for you There is a commitment out there for you to make a shift and a change. You can do something different. You can change the pattern. You can break the patterns of the past. Thanks for listening to TKOL podcast. As always, if you’re struggling in harmful relationship patterns, on the verge of divorce, and want to reclaim your self-worth, you can connect with me on instagram @aarontosti or thekindoflove.com I’m here to be of service. Thanks for Listening TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron. Best of Love to You.
47 minutes | Aug 24, 2021
Releasing Unsaid Stories of Grief with Lisa Zega
In this episode, Aaron talks with Lisa Zega, a Grief Specialist and Coach, about releasing stories of grief after divorce, death, and loss of self. Instagram.com/lisamichellle.legityou https://www.facebook.com/groups/legityou/?ref=share thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/aarontosti Show Notes :25 Aaron Talks Not to be a downer, but we are going to be talking about grief… What doesn't work is holding on to your untold stories of grief. and these untold stories of grief stick with us and get played over and over again either in our minds or in our experiences. If you experienced a major break in relationships, if you've experienced a death in your family, if you've have to move in your life, if you've experienced anything where you have loss and aspect of yourself or your life, it's ok to grief that loss. We've been told a lie as adults that we're suppose to avoid pain at all costs. We’re taught to rush to a positive mindset without honoring the pain. That somehow being hurt isn't strong. Unlike little kids who are willing to admit their hurt, acknowledge it, cry it out, feel better and move on, adults tend to hide, avoid, compensate, and let our grief go unprocessed. When you do this you actually DON't let go of the past and instead continue to suffer for it. You hold onto it and it becomes a filter you see the world through, and so you will continue to have the experience over and over again. What we need is to learn to listen to our emotions. How to learn how to learn from our emotions. Process our grief from the past. Welcome the pain, honor what it's there to teach us. Be our younger selves best friend. So we can experience more of the live we want to live. My guest Lisa Zega is a mother, wife, and coach who experienced the loss of many things. The loss of the connection with her kids, the loss of death of her fiancé, and the loss of herself in her first marriage. She's a Life Coach now that specializes in helping women process grief on all levels. As a teenager I met Lisa years ago when she was in her first marriage, and it's always powerful to see people when they step into their full selves after many tragedies.. I'll let Lisa tell you the rest.. 3:40 min What got Lisa into grief coaching Recognition of grief Unsaid stories from grief that holding us back Anything that brings up conflicting emotions is grief 3:08 Lisa’s story of grief After Lisa divorced, her children stopped talking to her Engaged and her fiancé died in a motorcycle accident Happening for me rather than against me Grief lives rent free put costs us a lot When stories are locked inside of us, we can’t imagine a future 5:15 To Me vs For Me Different forms of grief Lisa’s life was “like job in the Bible” Processing the loss of relationships and physical connection 8 min living life as a victim Misconception of being strong Therapist tells Lisa the truth “Being obedient to your husband” is a great structure for living like a victim Being a self righteous victim 10:40 min Becoming a coach Words and wisdom are always the same thing Getting over a break up or a death Sadness can be a healing emotion 12 min Why is this happening to me ? Its a victim question The suffering you add to your suffering Releasing the why and the idea that there’s something wrong with me Being ok with the normal emotional responses 14 min - not intellectualizing grief Not go sleep with someone to hide the pain Allow for the pain without judgment Loss is apart of many parts of loss Pause for laughter 17:30 min Aaron’s story of his parents divorced Aaron thinking he caused his parents divorce by bad karma Did I wish this upon my family ? Having the language of the heart Our intellect was not meant to solve for our heart In the church a scripture can solve and wish a pain away 12 year old Aaron needed a voice to conflicting emotions 18:50 min We don’t have emotional language for our grief Not Rushing to the good pots without comforting the pain Welcome emotions, what are you hear to teach me Suffering becomes a choice 20:20 min Learning to learn from your emotions How to process sadness where there’s an acceptance period Clean pain, and then what we make that mean Dirty pain is the thought that comes with it Tied in with I’m not worthy and there’s something wrong with me 22:10 min Lisa never met her biological father What little kids do to make sense Foundation of rejection and abandonment Belief that creates a grief story that 23:45 some of the stories that people tell themselves “I’m not enough” was Aaron’s story We’re all human and going to stay human Healing isn’t becoming perfect Pause for laughter Expansive humans are willing to feel all the feelings Otherwise emotions get dulled 27 min Your heart speaks a different language than you’re brain Being willing to sit with your emotions Words are healing once you understand and feel the emotional component 28 min Aaron’s story Aaron wouldn’t be a coach if he didn’t re-traumatize himself and understand for himself Observing yourself as the victim Stop the overthinking, it’s a trauma response Observing your thoughts set you free Shame comes in to re-punish self Rehearse the trauma over and over again 31:40 min Lisa interviews Aaron Aaron had to grieve the loss of that relationship Hiding sadness with anxiety I need to go grieve the thing from your childhood Pain is locked in a closet of a house Being your childhood selfs best friend 34:30 min Energy of expansion Sold the lie that we’re suppose to avoid pain at all cost Helping people resolve emotions Like a kid processing pain 37:20 getting the results of childhood over and over again Living in the familiar painful comfort Let me tell you about my “was”-band We get attracted to people similar energy 39 min survive and evolve We’re always becoming more of ourselves And honest reflection of grieving the lost If you don’t grieve the lost you’ll head back to old ways Refining more of your true self You can only change what you’re aware of Rip the band aid of awareness Be kind to yourself and let go 38:40 creating a life that you have not yet experienced Getting comfortable getting uncomfortable Every human goes to the familiar Creating and allowing new pathway Loved 44 min Aaron endorses this message Let’s not do math of when we met shall we? Lisa Comes in swinging with joy 45 min Aaron Closes Thank you for listening. If you’d like to connect with Lisa you can go to.. Instagram.com/lisamichellle.legityou Or find her on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/legityou/?ref=share If you are struggling in harmful relationship patterns, overthinking, people pleasing, and self doubt, you can connect with me at thekindoflove.com Instagram.com/aarontosti You’re listening to TKOL Podcast I’m Aaron. Best of Love to you.
42 minutes | Aug 10, 2021
What I Learned From Over 1000 First Dates with J. Churchill Morris
In this episode, Aaron talks with J. Churchill Morris about how he learned to bring empathy, curiosity, and kindness after having over 1000 first dates. instagram.com/aarontosti instagram.com/churchill.morris JMorris.co thekindoflove.com If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo Show Notes :23 min Aaron Talks I think dating can get convoluted, complicated and you can get carried away in some kind of story you’re creating around a person that’s not reality or hasn’t fully developed yet.. I mean dating especially from your mid to late 20s and beyond. When you’ve been through the ringer enough times. You’ve had some heartache, you’ve had some good experiences that you’ve held onto a little too much. Like the partner that you thought was going to work out, but then set you on a different course. Maybe that was a healing journey, maybe that was just a distraught detour of frustration and heartache to where, you’re not really sure if being with someone something you even care to have. Maybe you just want to have fun, and never settlin into a relationship ever again. I’ve been there. I’m still there. My married friends will tell me they’re thankful they don’t haven’t to deal with dating and the ups and downs. And yet I still want to have the enjoyment and excitement of meeting someone new, the relationship feeling new again, and the romance of having intimacy, passion, and excitement. If you’ve come to any sort of awareness about why things haven’t worked out for you, you’ve realized that the on some level you’re the common denominator, you’re the director of your own dating life. Maybe you’ve gone to therapy, or worked with a coach to sort out what about you is holding you back from the love you want. It’s challenging right ? You have to look at stuff like you’re past childhood, and what it taught you about love. You have to look at your past relationships to notice what you’ve learned. And all the while you’re just wondering, can I just go out on a date, have some laughs and see where the it leads without getting caught up in your head, or getting emotionally devastate like you got from your from your past experiences. To say it simply, dating can be overwhelming. So we anxiously chase it or avoid it like the plague. But it’s about finding your center. Its about learning to trust your intuition and learn what it takes to become a secure person who’s bold enough to date anyone. I brought my friend and fellow coach J. Morris who has been on over a thousand dates. Yea, he counted them. We talk about some of the key fundamental ingredients to having a better dating life. Being curios enough to put your expectations, fears and internal pressure aside to really just get to know someone. Being empathic enough to understand where someone is coming from and not project your experiences from the past into the relationship. And being Present and mindful enough to be on the date you’re actually on, rather than the relationship you’re making up in your head and fantasizing over. 4:10 min Jay introduces himself J has had over 1000 dates J feels like he’s at his best for meeting the person 7:00 min J’s values empathy, curiosity, and kindness Low expectation of what it has to be From bumble date to roommates The more you get to know other people, the more we get to know more of your story 9:00 min AUDIOGRAM Going in with low expectation Best intentions low attachment Being present on a date is meaningful Intentionally can get toxic when there’s a lot of weight to it Getting lost in your head, anxiety that is paralyzing, will get sabotaging 11:30 min No rules, just is everyone ok with whats happening It’s taken J a while to deconstruct the social expectation Aaron comes from a similar background of putting a lot of expectations 13:40 min There something interesting that happens when you ask good questions and listen Sometimes our best foot forward means too much of us trying to impress people It takes vulnerability Goal not to rattle of my resume, but let someone share a bit of who they are Don’t suck the fun by trying to have deep conversations 16:50 min AUDIOGRAM not of variety on dating apps Try to think one level deeper when answer Leave the door cracked for more At our core we just want to be seen understood, and noticed Connect on a deeper level on the date 19:20 min Acknowledge the power of your story, there’s power there Learning how to small talk, dead end questions vs open questions Giving your date a round of dialogue, make space for your conversation to go somewhere 22:10 Where has curiosity lead J ? Give yourself permission to not write someone off right away Female and male experiences are very different 25:00 min a women has usually gone through a lot of men and choose you Not looking at people as disposable, these are real people Out of all of the potential humans, they’re here with me Even though Aaron wants to pick a bone with the app, it’s still easy for everyone to make it about yourself 27:40 min AUDIOGRAM the point is not hurry up and find a partner, it’s to be present and really get to know someone As soon as J dropped his spiritual expectations, it made it alot easier J had a great relationship that was good but ended There was a girl J dated, and he was real about not having a long term relationship, 30:40 min AUDIOGRAM Not making the other person do the guest work Communication always, simple texts, be kind Make communication your first love language Be the change you want to see in the world 32:30 min Meaning making machines Aaron’s anxious attachment style Ghosting is a two way street Being honest stings for a second but is better in the long run 33:50 min AUDIOGRAM Knowing your worth Knowing your triggers and not projecting Just because you have trust issue doesn’t mean you put your baggage on your new date Just because your attracted to someone, doesn’t mean they’re perfect 36:10 min AUDIOGRAM We all have limiting beliefs We like to go into brain entertainment, if there’s no connection move on Normalizing the dating process Not staying in a crappy relationship because your afraid 37:30 min understanding what a false sense of security is J’s worst dating story, tacos and margaritas The girl was really slow, thought she was nervous, she was stoned Lesson: don’t show up high on your first date 40:30 min Closing Did you think of something you’ve never thought about before? Leave a review and let us know what you took away from this episode You can connect with J on instagram.com/churchill.morris or on his website JMorris.co for branding and identity coaching If you’re struggling with dating, harmful relationship patterns, overthinking and dating just doesn’t deliver, I’d love to have a conversation with you. You can connect with me on instagram.com/aarontosti Or at thekindoflove.com This is TKOL podcast. Thanks for listening. I’m Aaron Best of Love to You