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We Turned Out Okay
69 minutes | 6 days ago
362: What’s next?
What’s next? For many, that feels like the question of the moment. As I recorded this episode, there were some hopeful notes in the air, but also some serious uncertainty. A little more than a year ago everyone’s lives were completely disrupted, and the stress and worry and fear that we’ve lived with for so long feels impenetrable. What’s next? This may be a frightening question. But it’s also an exhilarating one, when looked at in a certain light. If any or all of that is on your mind, I hope my conversation with author and community-builder Gail Clanton is helpful for you. Gail brings wonderful energy and ideas to your ears today! You will learn: – how to tap into your own creativity – how to foster community, even with the way that we have been living since early 2020 – 3 ways to share your stories It’s a fantastic conversation, and I’m so grateful to Gail for coming on the show! You can watch the video of our conversation by going to https://weturnedoutokay.com/362 Key Links just below. Thanks for reading! Cheers! Key Links Gail has just published a beautiful memoir, Sparkle in the Rain; click here to see! Her anthology Living in the Key of Joy comes out next month – click here to check it out : ) The Parenting in Place Masterclass comes up in our conversation; this masterclass has been a lifesaver for me and many others over the past year. Click this link to check it out: http://parentinginplacemasterclass.com A couple writing resources that come up in our conversation today: temi.com KDP In the preshow I share about two recent episodes that have helped me figure out “what’s next”… My conversation with Julie Lythcott-Haimes in episode 360 of the podcast My conversation with coaching client Kate about pandemic survivor’s guilt and so much more, episode 360.5 of the podcast The We Turned Out Okay Playbook, my subscription-only, quality monthly playbook for parents, is going digital! You can now get this essential tool for parental well-being either in your physical snail mailbox, or digitally, if you’d rather enjoy a digital, than physical, copy! Go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/playbook for details, and to subscribe. __________________________ Listen to this conversation as well as the 360-plus-episode back catalog of We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
84 minutes | 20 days ago
361: “ADHD is not a result of parenting” – talking with pediatric occupational therapist Holly Peretz today!
Greetings! Welcome to this first installment in my series on ADHD <3 Scroll down for video of my conversation with Holly (who shares incredible insights into ADD, ADHD, and constructive ways to think about these neurodiversities) as well as lots of links. I’m glad you’re here! Listen to this conversation as well as the 360-plus-episode back catalog of We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts I am honored and thrilled to bring you this conversation with pediatric occupational therapist – and mom of toddlers – Holly Peretz! As you’ll hear in our conversation, Holly knows lots about the challenges of raising young children. In fact she’s built an entire virtual summit around addressing these challenges, and thriving (both you, and your kids thriving, I mean.) Click here to sign up for Holly’s upcoming, amazing Toddler Play Conference – I am a speaker once again and so excited to be a part of this conference! In today’s conversation, Holly shares her knowledge of ADD and ADHD. Specifically we discuss how to know if your child has one of these neurodiversities, what to do around this whole subject that is helpful, and what to avoid doing. Key links below – hope you enjoy this episode of We Turned Out Okay! Key Links Click here to register for the Toddler Play Conference, which begins Thursday 4/22/21! You can watch all the presentations for free in real time, and it’s all online so you get to do it in your PJs if you wish! Holly talks about The Explosive Child by Ross Greene… Click here for this seminal book. I interviewed Tanya Trainor of Miss Tanya’s Nursery Schools in an early episode of We Turned Out Okay; click the following link to listen! https://weturnedoutokay.com/167 If you’d like to read my first book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, for free, click here. My masterclass, What’s the pandemic doing to my child?, is SOLD OUT – before we even made it out of the Early Bird pricing! If you are signed up, I can’t wait to work with you on this important topic! If you missed out on this one, stay tuned because I’ll be offering other masterclasses soon. In fact, sign up for my free weekly newsletters, https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly, to find out about the next masterclass before the general public! The We Turned Out Okay Playbook, my subscription-only, quality monthly playbook for parents, is going digital! Starting with the May issue you can now get this essential tool for parental well-being either in your physical American snail mailbox, or digitally, if you live outside of the US – or if you’d rather enjoy a digital, than physical, copy! Go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/playbook for details, and to subscribe. Video, links, and show notes for this episode are all located at https://weturnedoutokay.com/361 Thanks for being here! _________________________________ Listen to this conversation as well as the 360-plus-episode back catalog of We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
70 minutes | a month ago
360.5: Pandemic survivor’s guilt
My coaching client is celebrating so much: vaccines, in-person schooling and a new friend for her daughter! For me, this picture evokes those good feelings. There is no manual for emerging from a pandemic, just as there is none for living through one. So my private coaching client Kate’s questions might be very familiar to you: – “Am I being selfish?” (To send her child to in-person school, or summer camp.) – How do we keep “the comfort of closeness” we’ve had during all this, but still foster a kid’s independence? – What about kids’ physical safety – when they are not right next to us, when they are off doing normal childhood things (like school or summer camp)? This is usually an off week for the podcast, but in speaking with Kate, the concerns she brought up and the stuff she is dealing with felt extremely relevant to what you are likely experiencing right now. If you, like Kate – like me – are wondering about any of this, you are going to LOVE this episode. Join us! Key Links In this conversation Kate shares about value she got from my book, Educating Happy Kids. For this and my other books, go to https://weturnedoutokay.com/books. Click here to register for the Toddler Play Conference, which begins Thursday 4/22/21! If you have young children you won’t want to miss this, Holly Peretz’s second annual deep dive into living, dare I even say enjoying life, with toddlers. You can watch all the presentations for free in real time, and it’s all online so you get to do it in your PJs if you wish! My masterclass, What’s the pandemic doing to my child?, is SOLD OUT – before we even made it out of the Early Bird pricing! If you are signed up, I can’t wait to work with you on this important topic! If you missed out on this one, stay tuned because I’ll be offering other masterclasses soon. In fact, sign up for my free weekly newsletters, https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly, to find out about the next masterclass before the general public! Video, links, and show notes for this episode are all located at https://weturnedoutokay.com/360.5 Thanks for being here! _________________________________ Listen to this conversation as well as the 360-plus-episode back catalog of We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
92 minutes | a month ago
360: “This is all a massive unplanned adventure”… Handling life’s challenges, with Julie Lythcott-Haims
Greetings! I’ve got an awesome conversation for you to listen to, with my guest Julie Lythcott-Haims! Just one thing before we get started, it’s for grown-ups and we do swear – please be sure to listen away from sensitive ears. At the end of this episode I share: the message I take from our talk, and Julie, is one of hope. Enjoy!! Listen to this conversation as well as the 350+ episode back catalog of We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts This is Julie! Pick up her new book here, and see what she’s all about at her website by clicking here. Watch our conversation just below (and watch for, toward the end, where we make it look like Julie is handing her new book from where she is in California to me over in Massachusetts via zoom! I don’t know why I find this extremely silly game so much fun but I’m endlessly grateful that Julie would play along with my frivolity : ) For this episode my guest, Julie Lythcott-Haims, wanted to be sure to let you all know: “this is not a show about parenting!” This one’s about us, the grown-ups. Our lives, our choices, our challenges. Julie was Dean of Freshman at Stanford University for a decade, and in that time she helped the young adults who arrived at college become true grown-ups. She also learned a lot! In truth, Julie has learned a lot over her whole life. She is the New York Times best-selling author of How to Raise an Adult and one of my all-time favorite books ever, Real American (which chronicles her experience growing up Black and biracial in affluent circumstances – and a white community – in the United States.) Julie’s latest book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult shares lots of her own stories as well as the stories of many other people, their challenges, and how they handled them. It’s storytelling plus self-help with a beautiful result! Put it this way: I’ve been an adult for a lot of years and I learned so much from this beautiful book. I am OVER the MOON to bring you this awesome woman’s ideas on how to handle the challenges that life sends your way. Join us for a fast-moving, fun, and educational conversation [with swears! Be sure to listen away from littles, or other sensitive ears.] There are all kinds of links just below, including to Julie’s books, the two upcoming free virtual summits I’m speaking in… and info on how you can be invited to my birthday party, coming up on April 19th! View our conversation in video, as well as seeing all show notes and links, by going to: https://weturnedoutokay.com/360 Links That Come Up Today Click here for Julie’s latest book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult Click here for Julie’s memoir about growing up Black and biracial in affluent America, Real American Click here for her awesome book on parenting, How to Raise an Adult Julie has plans to open a Membership Club! Click here for more information : ) Free Virtual Summit 1: On Thursday, April 8 I am presenting in a free virtual summit called Raising Remarkable Kids… Click here to register and hear me speak along with nine other parenting experts! Free Virtual Summit 2: A bit later in April I’m speaking in the second annual Toddler Play Conference, run by the amazing Holly Peretz… Click here for details and to register for this conference, beginning April 21! I’ve got a big birthday coming up soon, and to celebrate I’m having a party! It’s an “Insight/Wisdom Party,” and I’m inviting you to come along and share what you’ve learned in this crazy-ass year! Only folks who receive my free weekly email newsletter will receive the invitation, so click the following link to join my email group: https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly I’ll see you at my party! Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/000 to hear my “about the podcaster” show, in which my four best buddies and I share about our unplanned adventures. Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/pdnt for your free copy of my first parenting book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics! When I first met Julie, during her office hours in November 2020, I was so moved that I created an entire webpage sharing what I learned there: https://weturnedoutokay.com/julie Julie is one of the amazing speakers in the ParentinginPlaceMasterclass.com. Thank you so much for listening today! You rock! ________________________________________ This episode is located on the web at: https://weturnedoutokay.com/360 Listen to We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
85 minutes | 2 months ago
359: Setting kids up for an addiction-free life with NYT best-selling author and Mom Jessica Lahey
Greetings! In today’s conversation my guest, Jessica Lahey, and I discuss some big and weighty issues… This would be a good episode to listen to away from sensitive ears or wearing headphones. (It’s an awesome episode, just awesome for us grown-ups : ) I feel an immense sense of gratitude to Jess for coming back on the show (she is a returning champion! Click this link to listen to our first conversation: https://weturnedoutokay.com/054.) Jess is the author of the new book The Addiction Inoculation (which you can order by clicking here! Squee!) Her ideas on educating kids, fostering a sense of trust while keeping children accountable to themselves, and her fearless examination of her own journey with substance abuse are what my gratitude is based in. But Jess brings so much more to our conversation. She’s funny, not afraid to laugh at herself, and super supportive of her audience, her family, and fellow writers. Talking with Jess is a learning opportunity about: – What gaslighting is and how it hurts children – How we can protect our kids against addiction – How we can develop the most important habits (spoiler: it’s through play and gamifying) ALSO! It’s the first in our new segment, Triumphs & Misdemeanors, where we get to hear your voices and either celebrate how you have knocked it out of the park – or commune with you if you share an epic fail… Listen after my conversation with Jess to hear today’s Triumph, and so you can write down the phone number and contribute your own Triumph, or Misdemeanor! Click weturnedoutokay.com/359 to view this conversation in video, and for the bazillion links too! Key Links Click here for Jess’s new book, The Addiction Inoculation – you are going to love it! Celebrate my birthday with me on Monday evening April 19! I’m hosting a Wisdom/Insight Party, the chance to be in community together, learn from each other and support each other after more than a year in the pandemic. It’s completely free with no strings attached. Just come and enjoy! Invitations are going out to those of you signed up for my free newsletter, so click this link to sign up: https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Click this link for the masterclass I’m teaching, “What’s the pandemic doing to my child?”… https://weturnedoutokay.com/pandemicclass Click here for Jess’s blog post, “Something Had to Give,” about the alcohol addiction she confronted as she started writing her NYT bestseller, The Gift of Failure Click here for the book Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker Click this link for my conversation with Ingrid Ali and Hamilton Graziano, the biracial couple Ben and I struck up a friendship with while we were on our second honeymoon, and they were on their first: https://weturnedoutokay.com/176 Click here for the Being Black at School organization begin by Kelly Wickham Hearst To help black children not feel gaslit Click here for the show Hot Ones with Sean Evans Click here for Shane Lopez’s book, Making Hope Happen Click here for the documentary Follow Through, about a student of Jess’s Click here for On Being 40 (ish) , and anthology which includes a piece from Jess Click here for the #AmWriting episode where Jess and cohost KJ brought me onto their show! Click here for OkayCon 2020, the Free virtual Summit, where I brought you 10 great conversations about getting through the pandemic (recorded in March and April 2020). Get my first book FREE… It’s called Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, and parents find it extremely helpful in getting good behavior from their kids! Click this link: https://weturnedoutokay.com/pdnt Thank you so much for listening today! You rock! __________________________________________ This episode is located on the web at: https://weturnedoutokay.com/358 Listen to We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
73 minutes | 2 months ago
358: Handling tantrums – especially when we parents say “no”
Greetings! Today I get to share a powerful conversation with Chloee, my one to one coaching client. Chloee has a toddler and the challenges she faces in caring for her daughter are likely concerns that you also have, regardless of the age of your children. Here’s what you’ll learn by listening: – How to address the challenges that Covid brings – How to make a crucial choice, one that we all must make every day – How to deal with temper tantrums, especially when we must say “no” to our kids I encourage you to be coached while you listen. By that I mean: when I ask Chloee a question, hit pause. Consider the question for yourself and your situation. Even, write down your responses. (And if you want to experience the power of coaching with me, I am opening up some spaces for a few completely free, no-strings-attached, deep and magical coaching conversations! If you’d like one of them to be yours, write me, karen (at) weturnedoutokay (dot) com !) I’m excited to listen back to this one with my Mom Hat on, because I’m sure I’ll learn so much from this talk with Chloee about how to handle the concerns she raises with my own kids (who are 16 and 20!) This is a digest episode, which means that you should stay tuned after my conversation with Chloee! Listen for: – How to handle information overload – A new program I’m offering, “What’s the pandemic doing to my child?” – An update – including the phone number! – for our new podcast segment, Triumphs and Misdemeanors (this segment starts in our next episode! Squee!) What’s the Pandemic Doing to My Child? – A new program I’m offering you might be interested in… Working with private clients over these last several months, I’ve heard again and again of worries about what the pandemic is doing to children. As a child development expert, not only do I know the answer to that; I know what to do about it. Beginning in May 2021 I will offer a five-week program covering: – The toll that long-term confinement and sequestration from others can cause – Strategies to handle this long-term confinement and limit the negative impacts – Creating a home environment that supports the social and emotional development your child needs – Dealing with reentry including handling anxiety, bullies, and other social concerns All along we’ll be diving into your specific questions and issues. To make absolutely sure that you have a plan going forward we’ll spend our last class time together in a Q&A, so you can have all your concerns addressed and questions answered. We will even have an accelerator call – an extra session to spend together – before the program begins in May so I can be sure I’m addressing your concerns and giving you all the support I can. If that sounds good to you, I’m offering a special earlybird price… Sign up for my FREE weekly newsletter to be notified of this and other programs I offer: Click https://weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Cheers! And thanks for listening!! __________________________________________ This episode is located on the web at: https://weturnedoutokay.com/358 Listen to We Turned Out Okay in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
79 minutes | 3 months ago
357: What does your heart long for?
Greetings! In today’s episode we examine the process of getting what our heart longs for, in a coaching conversation with one of my 1-to-1 coaching clients! As you’ll hear, Regan is a mom and an attorney, currently (along with her husband) working from home while their children are home as well, in in virtual/hybrid school. Regan gets courageous and vulnerable with us today. She shares the dream of her heart for her kids… and what she’s doing each and every day to help make that dream come true. In our conversation you’ll learn: – How to get your heart’s desire – The importance of big dreams and tiny action steps – Making both your superpower AND the dark side of that superpower work for you in achieving your dreams Lately I’ve been asking coaching clients “what makes my coaching magical?” (You’ll hear Regan and I talk about this in this episode.) The answers I’m getting back are fascinating – it turns out that something I’m really good at is helping parents stop treading the conventional path and do what works for THEM, and their family. We all have dreams. What are you doing to make yours reality? If you’re ready to go on the adventure of your life with me as your guide, write me, and let’s talk! Plus… This is a digest episode, so in addition to our conversation I’m bringing you a story that I recently sent to the folks in my free email newsgroup! Click this link to get weekly letters like this delivered right to your inbox: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly I share about the “Parents Working from Home” free virtual summit that I’m honored to be included in (happening this coming Saturday 2/27, 10 AM to 1 PM EST). And, I give you an update on a new segment of this podcast: it’s called Triumphs and Misdemeanors, and I hope you will be a part of it! Join us! Key Links: Click here for psychologist – and friend-of-the-podcast – Shannon Connery’s recent episode of her Fix Yourself podcast, in which she talks about energy level and a way to think of it that’s been really helpful for me recently. Maybe it will be helpful for you, too! Click here for the weekly planner that Regan and I discuss in this episode. The planner was once exclusively for people in my Ninja Parenting Community, but I am sharing it here with you today in hopes that it will help you to see your entire week in one half sheet piece of printer paper. Enjoy! Click here to sign up for the free Parenting While Working from Home Virtual Summit taking place Saturday February 27 from 10 AM to 1 PM EST. (Also I’ll be stopping by the Facebook group associated with the Virtual Summit between noon and 1 PM EST. Maybe I’ll see you there!) Click here to read the story that I share today in the latter part of this episode, called “What my Italian relatives know about the off-season.” (This is also where you can see the picture I mention in today’s episode, me in Venice in 1992, wearing *quite* a sweater : ) Click the following link to view the show notes from today’s episode on my website: weturnedoutokay.com/357 _________________________________________________ Get my best advice for handling the challenges that come up on your parenting journey, through the We Turned Out Okay podcast: Listen in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
65 minutes | 3 months ago
356: The consequences of pushing ourselves too far – Talking with educator Sarah Scheldt M.Ed. today!
Due to the content of our conversation, today’s episode is going to be a good one to listen AWAY from sensitive ears… I think you’re going to love today’s conversation, I know I did! But some topics may be a little intense for, well, littles. Greetings! I am super excited to bring today’s guest to you, educator and parent coach Sarah Scheldt, M.Ed.! In today’s conversation I’ll introduce you to Sarah, so you can come to know her and the incredibly helpful, giving person she is. Today Sarah discusses: – How to handle your kids’ toughest days and biggest feelings – How to take care of yourself in the midst of everything going on in your life – Handling when we do push ourselves too far Early on in the pandemic Sarah wanted to reach parents outside of her classroom of kids. So she created an amazing free Virtual Summit on “empowering kids.” I felt so honored to be included in the expert speakers for that summit! Sarah’s second free online series, Kids’ Healthy Bodies, starts on February 15! (Yay! Click here to sign up!) In our conversation today Sarah shares on how this upcoming free Virtual Summit will help you get a handle on talking to kids about potentially tough topics like their own bodies, sex, consent, and stopping child sexual abuse. I’m honored to be a part of this series as well, talking about what to do if you have been the victim of sexual abuse… and you are now raising kids. There will be experts on all kinds of topics around children and their healthy bodies, so be sure to sign up! I know you’re going to love today’s conversation… If you’d like to see us visually, in addition to listening, you can find the video for this conversation by clicking https://weturnedoutokay.com/356 I hope you find our talk super helpful! Cheers! Karen Links from today’s conversation: Click here to sign up for Sarah Scheldt’s upcoming Free Virtual Summit on Kids’ Healthy Bodies – I’m one of the expert speakers, so I know how awesome this series is going to be. Click here for the Yo-Yo Ma documentary, Distant Echoes, on the time that Ma spent with the Bush People of the Kalahari Desert, learning how they make music – and meaning. Get my best advice for handling the challenges that come up on your parenting journey, through the We Turned Out Okay podcast: Listen in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
58 minutes | 3 months ago
355: Five ways to help you keep going right now
Greetings! Today I’ve got five ways that parents I work closely with are keeping going… Because even though we can see some hope on the horizon, circumstances on the ground are, shall we say, not ideal. So if you need a little help getting good behavior from your kids, feeling seen and heard and cared for in your life, or feeling happy inside, here are five ways you may not have considered yet to accomplish those tasks.… Plus the Parenting News Segment returns today, with reports on how to not use social-emotional learning for evil, and also something called “toxic positivity.” Join us! Here are the links that come up today: This episode’s home-on-the-web is weturnedoutokay.com/355 In the first few minutes of today’s show I share (a little bit) about my experience of being sexually abused when I was seven years old. This comes up in my first book, Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, in the chapter called How to Help if Something’s Wrong; you can buy the book by clicking here I share about being hospitalized with diverticulitis last fall in episode 349: Kindergarten Evals, Parent-Teacher-Conferences, and Lessons I learned from being hospitalized last week, weturnedoutokay.com/349 Beloved Ninja Parenting Community alum Jen came on the show in summer 2019 to talk about how she got control over the direction her family is going: weturnedoutokay.com/288 In episode 300 of We Turned Out Okay, two amazing and close friends of mine, licensed mental health counselor Janine Halloran and veteran preschool teacher Tricia Tomaso came on the show, and unbeknownst to each other (or me) they both brought the same topic: Social Emotional Learning… Weturnedoutokay.com/300 Speaking of Janine Halloran, she’s going to be an expert speaker in the Parenting in Place Masterclass Series this winter! Register for this awesome series by going to parentinginplacemasterclass.com Today I share that I am planning a new segment of the show… that it’s going to include input from our wonderful listeners… and the first people who will know about it are those who get my free weekly newsletters! Find out what’s up by subscribing for these newsletters yourself: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly If you want to start getting my free weekly newsletters AND you’ve got reluctant or unhappy readers at home, sign up for my free Guide to Creating Happy Readers at weturnedoutokay.com/readers Thank you for listening and reading! You rock!
49 minutes | 4 months ago
354: Goals and Words and a “kind 2021”
Greetings and best wishes for 2021!! This is my annual goals and sharing of the Word of the Year. (Last year’s: ENOUGH. I apparently was really prescient in January 2020… This year’s: EXHILARATED. Should be fun!) As with everything in the pandemic, it’s different from other New Year’s episodes that have come before. But I hope it’s helpful for you as you create a good life, and a good year, for your family and yourself. Some of my goals last year I completely, epically failed at bringing about. Some of them I did a little bit better with. One of the most important things I learned was to make a goal be “a place to come from,” rather than something to work towards. Seriously, this has been a huge game-changer for me. I share about that process and give you ideas for trying it out yourself today. Finally I read you one of my most recent newsletters, “Hello 2021! Please be kind to us.” You can get these newsletters delivered for free right into your inbox just by signing up for one of my free guides available at weturnedoutokay.com… Or go to weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Key Links: Click weturnedoutokay.com/312 for last year, January 2020’s Goals and One Word episode. Listening back I was such a pre-pandemic naïve little baby then! I’ve grown a lot in 2020. I bet you have too. Ultimately this is a good thing, I think. We are such badasses now! Click here for a book I am loving, 100 Truths You Will Learn Too Late by Luca Dellanna Click weturnedoutokay.com/books to see the parenting books I have written Click here for my most recent newsletter, “Hello 2021! Please be kind to us.” Click weturnedoutokay.com/354 to watch the video of today’s episode. Cheers! I hope 2021 is REALLY kind to you <3 _______________________________ Get my best advice for handling the challenges that come up on your parenting journey, through the We Turned Out Okay podcast: Listen in your favorite podcatcher! Here are a few choice spots: Apple Podcasts Spotify Stitcher Podcasts
69 minutes | 8 months ago
345: How to feel in control with Mom, Author, and School Counselor Phyllis Fagell, LCPC
I’m so excited to bring you today’s guest, Phyllis Fagell, LCPC, mom, school counselor, and author of the wonderful book Middle School Matters. Phyllis helps us (yes – I include myself in here : ) – Pick our battles – Talk with teachers and caregivers – Figure out what we CAN do In short Phyllis helps us feel in control of our family’s direction right now. That’s SO important, given this extremely shaky start to the school year and our worries about the pandemic, downright silly politics, and the need for racial and social justice. Not to mention our own need to pour from a full cup and not an empty one. Given all that, I know you are going to LOVE our conversation! You can find Phyllis, and all the wonderful work she does, by going to PhyllisFagell.com <3 Links that come up in today’s episode: Because we’ve gone to and every-other-week schedule, in each episode I offer a back episode of We Turned Out Okay, something you can listen to in our off week! Today, I bring you my first conversation with Raeshal Solomon, from episode 215. Raeshal single-handedly got herself out from under a mountain of debt, while living with a serious chronic illness. She’s a money expert, but more than that she is an expert in keeping going! I know you are going to love this conversation. (Raeshal was also a part of OkayCon 2020, my Free Virtual Summit from this past March, right at the beginning of the pandemic. Click weturnedoutokay.com/328 for Raeshal’s wonderful contribution to OkayCon 2020.) I’m excited to share, I will be part of the Reignite Toddler Play global virtual summit coming up at the end of this month! I don’t have the link yet, but as soon as I do I will drop it in here. Holly Peretz, the creator of the Virtual Summit interviewed me this past week and I just know you’re going to love this conference! I’m spending September offering you HOPE… – Click here to watch the first module of my premium “How to Keep Going” course, absolutely free, right there on the page. – On that page you can also sign up to get the ENTIRE “How to Keep Going course, completely free! (You can also do that by clicking here.) – “A life raft for families who are struggling to stay afloat.” That’s what Janine Halloran, LMHC, author of Coping Skills for Kids and Coping Skills for Teens recently said about my We Turned Out Okay Playbook. That is high praise indeed! Check out the Playbook for yourself by going to weturnedoutokay.com/playbook. You can subscribe for the October issue on that page, too! – In this post, called “A case study about handling epic tantrums,” I share the tools and strategies that a mom in our Ninja Parenting Community successfully employed to stop her four-year-old’s extremely epic tantrums. If she can do it, so can you! Click here to learn how you can work with me, for free, for a whole month. – Bruce Feiler’s wonderful book, Life is in the Transitions, comes up in our conversation today. – Click here to say hi in Instagram!… In Twitter… On the WTOO Facebook page… Or in the WTOO Facebook Group!
56 minutes | 10 months ago
338: When they don’t want to wear clothes; square one with sharing; talking about death with kids; when they push each other’s buttons just for fun – it’s a Q&A today!
My brothers and I : ) Today we’re answering your GREAT questions! – “[My young daughter] is going through a phase of not wanting clothes on. Do I just not battle it? What’s appropriate at 4? How do I instill the importance of being careful without taking away her sweet innocence? Or am I totally overthinking this?” – “This week’s hot topic is sharing and temper around that. The minute [my three-year-old’s] little brother walks in the room (even if he hasn’t messed with her stuff yet) she goes right to screaming at him and throwing stuff… I’m struggling with getting her to react in a bit calmer way. “Understandably, she is having a lot of trouble letting other kids play with any of her toys. I get it, we haven’t had to share in a long time. I’m just wondering if there are some good strategies or advice for starting back at square one was sharing, and also talking nicely to others even when angry.” – “My four-year-old was playing with her toys saying “this one is dead, it’s in the dead place” (inside the toy garage) then when I needed a shower “Mummy you need to go to the shower and be dead”… How can I talk about death at an appropriate level for children?” – “They don’t stop fighting with each other – they push each other’s buttons just for “the fun of it.” (I said they were great questions : ) If You’re Struggling to Keep Going During this summer I’m using my newsletter to share about my own journey, trying to find peace and stop feeling so guilty while working, running our household, and keeping going sustainably. Last week I shared about my first step (stopping “obsessively checking” on the Internet, and (as I share in this episode) it’s going well! But I know I’ve got a long way to go… If you want to come along on this journey with me, I’m sharing about it in my newsletters. Click the link below to get them automagically delivered to your inbox! Weturnedoutokay.com weekly Tons of links today! You’ll find them just below : ) Cheat Sheet of Answers What to do when my child does not want to wear clothes? – The short answer is, we get to decide. Sometimes it’s absolutely fine for them to not wear a shirt outside. Whatever you decide on this question, it must work for you. Your child will accommodate, just as they do when sitting in a car seat in the car. “Starting back at square one with sharing” – Let your child know “you don’t have to share”… This feels totally backwards in mindset, I know! But it’s the best way that I know to encourage them to share. Also, ask them which favorite toys they’d like to put away, so they don’t have to be shared. Finally help them understand “you don’t have to share… BUT we do try to use kind words.” “Talking about death as an appropriate level for children” – This is about understanding that kids, developmentally, play out stuff that they worry about. They can push our buttons to cause a reaction from us, especially because in a child’s mind “any reaction is better than no reaction,” a common reason for their misbehavior. Gently steer them away from the topic, by asking a question about their play, or (if they’re feeling emotional when someone they know has died) talking and sharing good memories about that person. “Pushing each other’s buttons just for the fun of it” – Teach them not to pick up the gauntlet; as Brooks Gibbs says, teach them that a bully is playing a game, and the way to make the bully lose is to not get upset, no matter what. Talking stick meetings can be very helpful when a sibling fight escalates to violence. Finally “catching them doing good” is a tactic that can be very useful in teaching prosocial behavior and moving away from kids teasing each other. Key Links Click weturnedoutokay.com/197 for my conversation with Dr. Catherine Pearlman, in which we talk about ignoring your child’s bad behavior to make it go away. Dr. Pearlman is awesome at helping us with that! Click weturnedoutokay.com/255 for my conversation with Dr. Laura Markham, in which we talk about positive discipline and how sometimes we have to do the reverse of what feels “disciplinary” in order to get the best behavior from our kids. Click weturnedoutokay.com/169, “When Siblings Attack,” on alleviating sibling rivalry. I get to share about one of my favorite books in the whole world, Faber and Mazlish’s Siblings Without Rivalry. Click weturnedoutokay.com/302, “Why does my young child talk about killing and death?”, for a deep conversation about how young children confront and handle the idea of death – and how frightening their perfectly normal behavior can appear to us parents. (And how to handle it if your child is doing this right now.) Click here for the recent newsletter I wrote about how not “obsessively checking” the internet has been instrumental in making me feel better – less overwhelmed, less burned out, it’s even resulted in less parental guilt. Click the following link to sign up for future newsletters, including those in this “going from overwhelmed to at peace and sustainably keeping going” series: weturnedoutokay.com/weekly Click here for Positive Discipline Ninja Tactics, my first book. In it I share my experience in becoming a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (which is how this book comes up in today’s episode.) Click here for my conversation on Authentic Parenting, Anna Seewald’s wonderful podcast. Anna and I talked about how being sexually abused as a child has shaped my adulthood. Click weturnedoutokay.com/336, the listener Q&A episode I did a few weeks ago and in which I answer questions on sibling jealousy, and adoption. Click here for one of Brooks Gibbs’ outstanding videos on how to stop a bully. I hope you find this episode helpful!
60 minutes | 10 months ago
337: Addressing our own burnout, AND beloved parenting author Audrey Monke is my guest today!
As a child development expert, I want to help you keep going in our new reality! This conversation, recorded during March 2020 (in other words at the very beginning of the pandemic here in the US), I know will be super helpful for that. I am excited to bring you my conversation with the author of one of my favorite parenting books (it’s called Happy Campers) – Audrey Monke of sunshine-parenting.com is today’s OkayCon 2020 guest! Audrey shares: – How to stay positive, even while everyone is cooped up together – Some great family-focused activities you can do to make your stuck at home time more enjoyable – What lessons Audrey, her family, and counselors and campers (who attend the summer camp Audrey owns and runs) are learning from this time Learn how to keep going: In my (free) Weekly Parenting Newsletters I am taking you on my journey of recovering from burnout, exhaustion, and huge feelings of guilt. I am working to feel at peace with myself – to keep going, raising my kids, keeping our household running, and feeling happy inside – and if you want some tools to help you accomplish those miracles, click this link! Weturnedoutokay.com/weekly NPC Summer Camp registration ENDS Wednesday 7/1 One way parents have been feeling way better, recovering from exhaustion, handling their kids’ fears, clinginess, and potty training issues: the Ninja Parenting Community. Get access to everything in the community and enjoy a summer camp program created just for you, if you are looking for connection and positivity in our new reality! I am closing registration to NPC on Wednesday, July 1 at 9 PM EST – enroll today, and take that first step toward being able to feel at peace with yourself and (sustainably) keep going! Here is the link, jump in while there is still time: weturnedoutokay.com/joinNPC (go to weturnedoutokay.com/337 for notes to this episode) We will get through this together! Cheers – Karen OkayCon 2020 Free Virtual Summit Day 4: To view every OkayCon 2020 presentation click this link: weturnedoutokay.com/OkayCon2020 Also! Audrey interviewed me as part of her Facebook live series on getting through the coronavirus crisis : ) Click here to watch our conversation! Key Links An infectious diseases doctor shares what we need to know in the pandemic Audrey’s post on “how to have a closer family in five minutes a day” Audrey’s post “9 Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults” Audrey’s Happy Campers Book Club (in Facebook) My essay, “YouTube is a dangerous place. Here’s how to protect your child” featuring the wonderful wisdom of kids-and-media-specialist Devorah Heitner The We Turned Out Okay Facebook group – and if you are a member, this link takes you to the watch party we had for this presentation in our Facebook group (with tons of wonderful insights and links from Audrey herself : )
28 minutes | a year ago
336: Listener Q&A – Sibling jealousy and Adoption
“Would you have any recommendations for books or anything that might help with learning the best ways to integrate an older adopted child into a family, or good books on adoption and advice?” “How to divide my attention between my 1 YO and my 4 YO… I try to give exclusive mummy daughter time but it’s never enough.” These are the first two questions in our Q&A series… I hope they are helpful! A Summer Camp program for you Towards the end of the episode I mention NPC Summer Camp, a new program I’m offering to help parents of young children not just get through, but live IN, summer 2020. Opening Ceremonies are this coming Friday! Spend your whole first month in my online coaching practice for parents (NPC) for FREE – exclusively for podcast listeners and folks in my email group – by clicking here (offer ends Wednesday, June 24, so enroll today!) Then you’ll be all set for summer camp! We’ll have lots of fun, keeping each other company and taking control of our family’s direction in this, a summer like no other. Camp activities are aimed at helping you enjoy family time even in this year’s difficult circumstances. Join now, spend your whole first month in NPC for free. I can’t wait to see you in our community forums! For the adoption and sibling jealousy links that come up today, click the following link: weturnedoutokay.com/336 And hang in there. We will get through this together! Key Links Enroll in the Ninja Parenting Community: use this link to join the community for free for your whole first month, and just in time for Summer Camp! Click here for Adoptive Families‘ article on how to integrate an older adopted child into your family. Click here for Adoption Circle‘s wonderful and gigantic list of books on adoption, for folks of every age from zero to adult. Click here for Siblings Without Rivalry, one of the best parenting books ever written! It’ll help you resolve those sibling jealousy issues that we discuss in today’s episode. Click here for WTOO episode 169, all about sibling jealousy and rivalry. Click here for On Mother’s Lap, a great book for helping very young children feel better about having a new baby in their lives.
76 minutes | a year ago
335: Why bother
I am super excited to bring you this conversation with Jennifer Louden, whose extremely helpful books (including the one we dive into today, Why Bother?), have sold nearly a million copies! Jennifer has been featured in hundreds of podcasts, magazines, and TV and radio shows – even appearing on Oprah. In today’s conversation you will learn: – How to really give a hoot about your life again – Why it’s crucial to LIVE in tough times, instead of just trying to live through them – Appropriate discipline for when your child gets into mischief (specifically writing on walls with magic marker, but what we discuss applies to whenever a kid gets into trouble) Go to jenniferlouden.com for answers to this question, posed there: “How do you bother after heartbreak, after creative and career defeats, after loss, after sidelining your dreams to pay off the debt, raise kids, or take care of aging parents?” But first, listen to our conversation! Need something positive in your life this summer? I’m excited to share a new program I’m offering: we are having summer camp in the Ninja Parenting Community! In addition to the courses, challenges, and other great stuff to keep you sane while raising your little kids, NPC Summer Camp includes: – Weekly camp activities that help you be a better parent, like making a vision board, or a “house rules” sign, or a treasure hunt to take kiddos on, or a “no occasion needed” fun family surprise – Supportive and fun Members-Only Campfire Nights – The sense of belonging to a community of people who get it, and who are along on this parenting journey with you NPC Summer Camp dates: Friday, June 26-Friday, August 7, 2020. Enroll now to enjoy family life this summer! Click here to join NPC! (NPC Summer Camp begins Friday, June 26, so jump in now!) Can’t wait to see you at summer camp! Click here to see this post in your browser : )
54 minutes | a year ago
334: How to raise anti-racist kids
I love this portrait of father and son, taken by photographer Blake Nissen and published in the June 7, 2020 edition of the Boston Sunday Globe. “It’s as if we are going through the 1918 flu pandemic AND the Great Depression AND the Civil Rights era, all at once.” That’s what James Arthur said on his podcast, Minority Korner, in (and about) Spring 2020. I think he’s right. To get through it all we are going to have to work together! That’s the spirit in which I bring you this episode. In this conversation on racial justice between my friend Shane Sams, and his friend Talaat McNeely, Talaat shares that we each must “Make change within our sphere of influence.” Well, my sphere of influence is in teaching parents like you how to get your family going in the direction you want. Today I link that idea up with getting this nation going in the direction we want: one in which everyone is treated fairly, and where parents don’t have to worry about their children being harassed, assaulted, or murdered because of how they look. I hope this episode, all about raising anti-racist kids, will help you make these crucial changes within your sphere of influence. FYI: Free live training course on raising good, kind kids – This week I’m doing not one but two live trainings, teaching on how a parent can change a child’s bad behavior to good… and one common mistake that well-meaning parents often make when trying to raise good, kind kids. (In other words, something that ups the bad behavior, when they’re trying to reduce it. It’s not a mistake you want to make.) Click weturnedoutokay.com/kind to sign up for the live trainings, this coming Thursday, June 11 and Sunday, June 14! Because of my white privilege, I have been able to insulate myself. I’ve been able to not see some important truths that have been right in front of me. I have remained ignorant, when I should have been seeking education. This week one of my friends, a white man from Kentucky, had an amazing conversation with one of his friends, a Black man from Chicago. Talaat McNeely and Shane Sams spoke for an hour and 45 minutes, and I was astounded and ashamed at the stories Talaat told. Things that have personally happened to him and his kids, just because of the color of their skin. I was: – astounded by the differences in our experiences, Talaat’s and mine, which only came about because he happens to be Black, and I happen to be white. No one should ever, EVER be treated the way Talaat and his family have been treated. – ashamed because I let it happen. The simple fact that it is happening means that I have not done enough to stop it. Talaat shares five key steps that we can take to stop racism. (I don’t remember to bring up the first and most important one until we’re almost at the very end of today’s episode, so all along you’ll hear me talk about four key steps… But that first one is most important. Talaat brings it up right at the beginning of his conversation with Shane. It’s something you hear me talk about on the show again and again, and I still can’t believe it took me until the last part of this episode to talk about it in connection with stopping racism.) There are about a million links today, so for those and a description of the five key steps we can take to stop racism – to raise anti-racist kids – click the following link: weturnedoutokay.com/334. We need each other now, more than ever. If you are reading this and you’re a person who (as the Black Panthers used to say) is Black or oppressed, you have my empathy, and my pledge to become educated instead of remaining ignorant about what has happened to you, and the part I have played in your troubles. If you’re a person of privilege, I hope that like me, you’re open to moving forward on the path from ignorance, to education. And from there to support. We will get through this together <3 Talaat McNeely’s Advice on How to Stop Racism 1. Stand in someone else’s shoes. In other words, cultivate empathy and always work to start from a place of empathy. (This is the one that I forgot to mention until the very end of the show! Still can’t believe that.) 2. Acknowledge. When we see, or do, something wrong, we must first acknowledge it and understand that it was wrong. If it was us who committed that wrong, we need to acknowledge it to take ownership, so we can move forward in setting it right. 3. Become Aware. Talaat underscores how important it is to have an awareness of someone else’s reality. As a part of this he says “don’t ask a person to relive their trauma.” 4. Take Action. Ask yourself, “what can I do to help?” Kids are outstanding at coming up with answers to this question, that we might never have seen. Be sure to bring them into this conversation! 5. Be Accountable. Hold people to their word, and do your best to hold yourself to your own. TONS of links! To sign up for the FREE live trainings I’m doing this week on how to raise good, kind kids, click weturnedoutokay.com/kind. Click here for “Let’s talk about racial justice!,” Talaat McNeely and Shane Sams’ YouTube live conversation. Click here for Talaat’s show (that he does with his wife, Tai, His and Her Money. Click here for Shane’s show (that he does with his wife, Jocelyn, The Flipped Lifestyle Podcast.) For the page of resources I put together on overcoming our biases, click weturnedoutokay.com/bias. Click here for Minority Korner, with host James Arthur. I have found this show (which is for grown-ups) super helpful in understanding US history and current events from perspectives other than my own. Click here for Real American, Julie Lythcott-Haims’ wonderful memoir which also helped me understand growing up in America from a different perspective than my own. Click here for the Parenting in Place Masterclass; Julie Lythcott-Haims, along with several beloved WTOO guests, will be helping parents through this upcoming summer. I’m signed up and I hope you will too! Click here for the Sawbones podcast episode on the Black Panthers, and here for the Sawbones episode on medical racism. Click here for the book Lies my Teacher Told Me. A seminal book for me, and also it turns out for Dr. Sydnee McElroy of the Sawbones podcast. Click here for “Two gentle and kind models for how to teach good values,” the recent parent newsletter I wrote on the anti-racist message delivered when Officer Clemmons, played by actor and playwright François Clemmons, soaked his feet in a kiddie pool along with Fred Rogers in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. Click here for the documentary film Searching for Sugar Man, about an American whose music, listened to by white South Africans under apartheid, was equivalent to the Beatles in its revolutionary tendencies – and popularity. Yes, Rodriguez was bigger than the Beatles in South Africa, even though you’ve probably never heard of him. Click here for the Boston Globe article from Sunday, June 7, 2020, about a Black dad and his little boy taking part in a peaceful demonstration in support of Black Lives Matter. Click here for “When a parent’s leadership skills really matter,” the recent newsletter I wrote on how we can feel helpless in our own lives, our ability to control our kids’ behavior, and about world events and how we might play a part in alleviating suffering or injustice. Click weturnedoutokay.com/333-5, a bonus episode I did last week on the part that we parents play in ending racism.
14 minutes | a year ago
333.5: When you feel small, helpless, and afraid, listen to this.
(FYI: about 10 or so minutes in, I use the word “jackass” once or twice… it’s not enough for an E-rating, but I want you to be aware just in case you want to listen away from sensitive ears.) Hi Friends, I had planned for, and drafted, a very different kind of post today for you (I got about a dozen spider bites while sleeping Saturday night, and we’ve got a very large ant invasion going on in our kitchen; my abandoned draft was largely about these.) But as I wrote I realized how truly small and insignificant these concerns of mine are. There is a lot going on in the world, and a lot going on in the news. And I wanted to start the week off with a simpler message. I wasn’t sure what that message would be, except somehow I wanted to transcend the fear, the worry, and the struggles that we are seeing in the news, and even in our own homes. My family and I just finished virtually attending the closing ceremonies for the year at my son’s school, and the Executive Director George Popham teared up saying the following: “If there’s one important thing we should be doing, it is to put good, kind people in the world.” Immediately I knew that that was the message I wanted to share. This morning when I woke up, and even as I began to write this email, I was feeling helpless and small and afraid. (And itchy from spider bites, if I’m being honest.) Hearing George’s words made me feel much, much better. We have a really important mission, us parents: It’s to put good, kind people in the world. If we do nothing else – absolutely nothing! – besides this, I believe it will be enough. And if I can be helpful to you, as you are working on this mission, that would fulfill something deep in me. I have lots of ideas and experience working with young children, and spent nearly a decade working in an outstanding, cutting-edge preschool program. I earned my bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Relations, and later my master’s degree in Early Childhood Education. I’ve spent the last six years helping parents rein in their children’s bad behavior and truly enjoy family life. I know a lot about what makes kids tick, and how we can alleviate their bad behavior, and thus connect with them and feel happy within ourselves as we raise them. If we’re going to raise kind people, we can do that best by making our environment is positive and kind as possible. If you’re struggling with that, I hope I can be helpful for you! I just built a page on my website, weturnedoutokay.com/bias, where I gathered many of the resources that have been helping me learn to combat racism – a huge part of raising good and kind kids. I’ve also got lots of other free resources, including 332 back podcast episodes, and an entire Virtual Summit that I put on in response to the pandemic this past April. You can spend more in depth time with me each Wednesday evening by joining the WTOO Book Club, which is free to join, and can be free to read the book if the purchase cost is a barrier for you. And I am running a special right now, until this coming Wednesday, June 3, on entry into the virtual coaching practice where I personally help parents with their biggest challenges, trying to make this as affordable for you as possible. Lastly, if you’ve got any parenting questions at all I hope you’ll go to weturnedoutokay.com/contact and ask. We will get through this, together. Cheers, Karen
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