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The Unwritable Rant
26 minutes | Jan 16, 2022
Ep 260 - Broken heart cures, forgivable felonies, and little bits of wonder
In this bourbon-soaked story, Juliette comforts Honey, her New Orleans Crazytown counterpart, enjoys a Louisiana lunch, crosses a courtyard, discovers a belfry, risks a felony, underestimates the importance of satsumas, flees a wonderland caterpillar, and slightly revises her suspect life advice.
29 minutes | Dec 18, 2021
Ep 259 - Synthetic pee, duct tape barstools & a new season announcement
Juliette returns with a new season announcement, considers the world's weirdest speedball, and revisits her favorite Christmas story, because nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a lap dance. All new bourbon-soaked stories will resume in January 2022
30 minutes | Jun 13, 2021
Ep 258 - A life reboot, caravan of amateurs, and two rock ’n’ roll relationships
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette refuses to trust a Mississippi disaster, dodges a blade, takes to the road with the Alley Cats, rides in full of glory, makes desperate calls, raises awareness, gets funky and foul, visits a town where nobody wins, rages over a word, chooses between two rock and roll relationships, and find her way out of logger land.
29 minutes | May 11, 2021
Ep 257 Pagan mumbo jumbo, bad elements, and a questionable figure
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette encounters a dirty thug in a pink shell, questions a midsummer argument, runs hot with Daisy, visits dead land, hunts down boys and ghosts, flees a troop of handsy locals, meets a disturbing figure, desperately needs a key, and decides to look back.
23 minutes | Apr 25, 2021
Ep 256 - The greatest spirit animal ever, harbingers of doom, and outlaw ethics
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette meets spirit animal Edmund, questions wonky streets, is unwelcome at a crawfish boil, dodges carcasses, appreciates a scoundrel, follows the road to hell, discovers a strange hotel, learns how to finesse a lock, volunteers a piano man, and takes her sweet time leaving.
30 minutes | Apr 11, 2021
Ep 255 - Secret menus, the risks of easy money, and the end of Crazytown
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette picks up where a Crazytown night left off, admits to being a terrible stripper, establishes rabbit hole rules, descends into friendship hell, checks faux hooker backgrounds, attempts to help, goes in for a rage-fueled rescue, bounces but does not splash, gets assaulted by her conscience, and accepts destruction. Be sure to check out episode 100 in The Unwritable Rant archives to hear how this Crazytown story began.
29 minutes | Mar 27, 2021
Ep 254 - Unsolicited material, a blazing ball of perceived genius, and crushing dreams
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette introduces the worst musician in Los Angeles, reluctantly takes the bait, adds a phrase to her vocab sheet, offers boundless support, revises a bio, reduces to a pile of self pity, attempts a chemistry project, discovers the color of a festering lesion, owes unexpected money, and crushes dreams.
29 minutes | Mar 14, 2021
Ep 253 - Emoji abuse, joining a winner’s circle, and chewed to death by chihuahuas
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette does a safety dance, reunites with Texas and Birdie, prowls the night, plays the horses, hears scales, profits off a bachelorette party, leads a Bacchanalian rodeo, loses friends to Bourbon Street, finds a Quarter bulldog, breaks up a dirty group hug, and questions expectations.
26 minutes | Feb 28, 2021
Ep 252 - A corral of crazy, diabolical Bingo, and off-brand synergy
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette survives Mardi Gras, ruins nice things, gets in and gets out, clashes with Myles, detests gold stars, falls below the line, team builds out of spite, wins an award for nothing, plans a diabolical game, steps out with lady Bingo balls, dishes zingers, and realizes a real villain.
29 minutes | Feb 15, 2021
Ep 251 - Relationship barnacles, camping without traces, and five weeks to a fiancé
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette breaks a bed, encounters relationship rage, eats all the cheese, has no compatibility with Bugsy, makes concessions, accepts poor advice, gets barnacle itchy, reluctantly goes camping, receives training wheels, hears rustling aliens, tears off, rejects a ring, and meets a better fit.
31 minutes | Jan 31, 2021
Ep 250 - Alternative forms of torture, out of tune strings, and a garbage bag of ice
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette pays off an old debt, takes on a new form of torture, records in East LA, considers a brick wall, kills the teddy bears, cleans up Van Nuys Blvd., puts a gig on the books, improves timing, checks an ego, wrenches all wrong, and understands the price of music.
25 minutes | Jan 24, 2021
Ep 249 - The good kind of cheating, knowing when to show up, and a questionable Star
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette does something cliche, considers the good kind of cheating, calls in a favor from Dusty, finds a leg, dismisses the girlfriends, has immediate access, moves in on more, hear from an impressive Star, white knuckles her way onto the sidelines, watches a window like a psycho, and understands the right kind of woman.
24 minutes | Jan 10, 2021
Ep 248 - Recycled salad, stupidity tax, and avoiding raw truth
Juliette is slow to start the new year, fakes her way through football, meets a Rank chef, embellishes her culinary credentials, feels things, finds an overreaching gig, lies for payoff, confronts potatoes, hits a brick wall future, takes a chestful of blame, and accepts stupidity tax.
21 minutes | Dec 20, 2020
Ep 247 - Criminal caroling, a bloody dash, and a cooler of warm beer
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette considers trading snow for sand fleas, launches a foul drunk with Jackass, becomes suspicious, practices classics, visits John Hughes territory, goes caroling with allegedly merry folks, witnesses a ski mask Santa, becomes a literal Grinch, politely waves, smiles at a Technicolor trail, reconvenes at White Castle, and experiences spirit over sliders. Don’t forget: The Unwritable Rant podcast will be on a two-week holiday break. New episodes begin on January 10, 2021.
25 minutes | Dec 13, 2020
Ep 246 - A great slab of art, questionable temptations, and a special Christmas errand
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette demonstrates little common sense, maneuvers past vagrants, drives out of bounds, accepts a chilly errand, picks up a great slab of art, questions panty hose, avoids escalators, votes early and often, lies for a date, takes out minty chocolates, and learns nothing.
28 minutes | Dec 6, 2020
Ep 245 - Creature Christmas, an atomic wonderland, and eating the baby
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette revisits the creatures of Christmas past, looks into her family tree, hears an unexpected thwacking, meets the mother of all Southside bats, appreciates Clydesdales, handles a mean little jerk, reaches a relationship crossroad, delves into secrets and poo pellets, and writes an apology.
27 minutes | Nov 22, 2020
Ep 244 - A Thanksgiving disadvantage, 20 minute make-outs, and mommy misgivings
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette gets selfish, attempts respectability, lacks a physical demonstration, hates waiting, goes home for Thanksgiving with Treble Clef, meets an ice queen, debates mommy issues, has a dreadful spill, misses every note, meets the right family, and appreciates the power of yellow sticky notes.
30 minutes | Nov 14, 2020
Ep 243 - Pleasant putdowns, 10 minutes with Kiss, and a labyrinth of disasters
On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette desperately needs a line, takes a one-off production gig, locks roadies out, misses a gear shift, drives a Jesus van, demands to see Barbarella, cleans up after Gigglesnort the Pomeranian, spends 10 minutes with Kiss, and accepts that she makes a lousy coworker.
25 minutes | Nov 7, 2020
Ep 242 - Rocky relationships, getting into character, and love at first exhale
On this shot of bourbon-soaked story telling, Juliette sits on the outskirts, experiences a Rocky relationship, rallies over rejection, accepts a crushed smoke, attends the theater, longs to peel skin, makes an inappropriate call to action, gives a remiss kiss, and appreciates a new friend.
33 minutes | Oct 24, 2020
Ep 241 - Unwilling hypnosis, goat horns, and a heaping of medieval necromancy
On this shot of bourbon-soaked scary storytelling, Juliette welcomes Halloween, discusses her evil to good ratio, dates a Satanist, heads to a cabin in the woods, rearranges an alter, experiences unwilling hypnosis, becomes an unwitting Earth mother, is outnumbered by a coven, mousetraps a circle, summons a demon, experiences pounding, and hopes for distance.
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