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Covid vaccines are becoming more available, and yet times are still very difficult for us all. For front line medical personnel dealing with our pandemic, the heavy stress and burdens of providing care are leading to illnesses, family life difficulties and burnout. Self-care is essential for all caregivers to preserve their health and ability to care for others. Many caregivers know the crucial importance of self-care, but neglect themselves anyway. What gets in the way? Misconceptions and negative attitudes are part of the picture. Caregivers can feel that self-care is selfish, set unrealistic expectations for themselves, or have conflicted motivations. Accepting what we can and can't control for those we care for is a frequent challenge. It's essential for stressed caregivers to become aware of the depleting effects of their work, to be honest, recognize and admit the toll their work takes on them, and do something about it. Seeking solutions, setting aside specific time for self-care, finding support and fighting isolation are necessary to preserve resilience

While there is hope for a better year in 2021, the Covid crisis has been devastating in loss of life and loss of income for many. Without being insensitive to this reality, we see reason for hope. People are starting to get back on their feet. We can all come out of this time for the better. Our crisis has been a time to reevaluate, to see where we've invested our lives. Have we emphasized the tangibles - our job, status, financial security - or have we recognized the value of intangibles - caring, empathy, love for each other, a meaningful and purposeful life? Let us encourage you. A focus on the intangibles will make it possible to positively respond to the opportunities of our hard times with resilience and a hopeful outlook. We also review several of our lessons for surviving in hard times, particularly the third lesson - "Deal with reality but recognize that facts aren't the complete reality".

We continue to live in a tumultuous time of transition, of political, financial, and personal disruption and change. What does it take to successfully navigate these times? Those who are gifted or well-trained in only one part of life will discover their need for broader skills for resilience. Very early in his career, golfer Tiger Woods became a dominant and highly successful player and a wealthy man. Then his personal life came apart. A new HBO documentary traces Tiger's path from a highly-trained prodigy to a man spiraling out of control, before finding a more honest and fulfilling life. What can we learn from Tiger's experiences and choices to help us find resilience in difficult times? Peter and Jenny share some insights on transition and resilience.

The old year, 2020 is over; 2021 begins. We are still in the midst of a complicated, difficult time. How can we create resilience and success in our lives in this new year? Peter and Jenny suggest a series of essential steps to take. In this podcast, we cover five important principles. We explain the value and necessity of: 1) self-care; 2) seeing the massive transition we're all in as a time for change; 3) slowing down; 4) refusing to give in to strong emotions of fear and discouragement; and 5) knowing the facts of our current situation but not losing track of the bigger picture and the opportunities that present themselves. In future podcasts, we'll cover more positive steps to take in 2021.

Athletes who have trained themselves to endure the greatest mental and physical challenges can teach us a lot about how to survive the marathon that is COVID19. Physical pain and mental discouragement are the enemy of an elite athlete who wants to perform at the peak of his or her abilities. What attitude or mindset do extreme athletes find necessary to prevent failure and self-sabotage? We interview Asher Smiley, owner of Krav Maga Revolution in Petaluma. Krav Maga is a self-defense technique developed by the Israeli Defense Force to respond immediately and effectively to real-life threats of violence. How does Asher mentally and physically approach his discipline? How does he teach it to others? Join us for lessons which can help you develop your own mental toughness to better survive in our COVID world. Krav Maga Revolution - https://kravmagarevolution.com/ Build Mental Endurance Like A Pro – Pandemic Advice From Athletes – The New York Times (nytimes.com) https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/07/well/mind/athletes-pandemic-advice.html?searchResultPosition=1

This has been a year of uncertainty, sickness, loss and grief. Dr. Peter Bernstein reminds us that one of the best ways to heal from painful losses is to step out of ourselves and think of others. The core of fulfillment is giving from the heart to those around us who need our support. In giving, we find joy. Peter also encourages us all to hold on to hope for the future.

In a special holiday message, Peter stresses the importance of focusing on what really matters during this time: the priority of the spiritual over the material aspects of life; compassionate giving to others; caring for ourselves; and taking time to cherish the lighter moments of joy and hope.

Creating a meaningful holiday gathering this year can benefit from early planning. Talk to those you love and listen to their desires and concerns. Balance safety with an opportunity to connect with family and friends by staying non-judgmental, allowing everyone to set boundaries consistent with their values and priorities. In this podcast, we include suggestions for new ways to celebrate during the COVID pandemic - using Zoom, simplifying meal preparation, supporting local restaurants, and sharing what you're grateful for in actions as well as words. Find a way to include joy in your celebration, being willing to forgive generously during this difficult time.

Viewers of the Survivor's Guide to Life on YouTube won't be surprised to hear that Peter is a gym rat. Jenny doesn't miss a workout, either. Dedication to exercise and fitness is an essential part of our self-care. The familiar phrase, "No pain, no gain" carries a kernel of truth - to build physical strength and stamina, workouts that lead to some muscle soreness are necessary. The same truth applies emotional fitness, or resilience, hence our podcast theme, "Know Pain, Know Gain". Adversity, struggles and hard times bring pain into our lives on a personal, emotional level. Embracing painful challenges gives us the opportunity to grow as individuals. We can gain wisdom and strength of character, a deeper appreciation of life, and a more hopeful outlook

Join Peter and Jenny for a video conversation with Thamahr Alexis-Woon. Thamahr is an Army veteran who has practiced her 20-year nursing profession in pediatrics, corrections, and now hospice care with Vitas Healthcare in Tamarac, Florida. Among her many patients, Thamahr provides loving care to Pauline Bernstein, Peter's 95-year-old mother. Thamahr is married to Al Woon and is a devoted mother to daughters Natanya and Mikailah. During our conversation, Thamahr spoke genuinely and eloquently about the rewards and hardships of serving with hospice. She shares the very personal experience which convinced her of the value of hospice at end-of-life for both patients and their families - and how it led to her commitment to this calling on her life. Thamahr is a woman of faith and treasures her family, both of which play an important part in her self-care.

With the COVID crisis, jobs are disappearing and established businesses are going under. Could it possibly be the right move to start a new business during economic hard times? Peter and Jenny propose just that. Reinventing yourself as an entrepreneur and following a dream, while carrying risks, can also bring great rewards. It is possible to do well while doing good - establishing a fulfilling way to support yourself financially while serving the needs of your community. In the first segment of this podcast, Peter and Jenny refer to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal profiling new business startups. We highlight the key aspects of life as an entrepreneur, such as getting outside your comfort zone to grow and recover aspects of yourself and your abilities that you may have lost. In the second segment, we share from our own writings and experiences of entrepreneurship. We stress the importance of being a self-starter and seeking good mentors as necessary for success. Our discussion during the third segment includes how desperation can lead to valuable sparks of creativity and the importance of faith and trust to step out and face the unknown. Questions from our final segment: 1) Is it possible to become more entrepreneurial while working for someone else?, 2) In exploring new business ideas, how can you tell when doors of opportunity are open or closed?, and 3) What does Peter mean when he says that entrepreneurs "find parts of themselves they lost while working for others"?

In hard times, you can be forced to examine your life focus and priorities. If you've tended to define success and self-worth by the amount of your wealth and material possessions, you can find that these resources aren't enough to personally sustain you through a crisis. Other resources are needed, as well as a better balance between the "tangibles" and "intangibles". From a blog post written during the Great Recession, Peter and Jenny draw a parallel to today's pandemic and economic crisis. Our culture can overemphasize money and wealth. What is the best way to measure success, progress, and self-worth? In the first segment of this podcast, Peter and Jenny introduce our topic and highlight key issues. In the second segment, we share another portion of our recent conversation with singer, songwriter, missionary and international aid worker Randy Mayfield. Which personal qualities and values has Randy seen refugees in the Middle East and Africa make a priority in hard times? How do they respond and cope while experiencing deprivation and atrocities? Our discussion during the third segment includes thoughts on the personal qualities necessary to sustain ourselves and succeed during hard times. We talk about feelings of "impoverishment" and what they can really mean. What will help us become truly resilient? Questions from our final segment: 1) How is it that money can come to represent so many things - like status, security, or love?, 2) Why does our American culture place such an emphasis on money and wealth?, and 3) What are the more meaningful ways to measure personal success and self-worth? Randy Mayfield: https://www.randymayfield.com/

In early fall of 2009, the swine flu added another hardship for Americans struggling through the Great Recession. Recommendations by health authorities at that time were much the same as today - frequent handwashing and limited contact with anyone who might be carrying the virus. Peter and Jenny revisit a somewhat humorous but to-the-point blog post written during that time. Fear can be just as contagious as a virus - and sometimes just as destructive. In the first segment of this podcast, Peter and Jenny review the similarities between the challenges of 2009 and today, and the emotions that can complicate any time of difficulty. In the second segment, we share the original blog, "Another Epidemic: The 'Fear' Flu", and begin to explore the differences between "worry" and "concern". Defining the important differences between worry and concern forms the topic of our third segment, along with practical suggestions for making positive choices in hard times, acting from a place of concern. Questions from our final segment: 1)Briefly, to review, what are the key differences between worry and concern?, 2) How can emotions complicate our ability to stop worrying and act from a place of concern?, and 3) How can we best share our struggles, compassion and concern with others during hard times, without spreading fear and negativity?

The "blessing of urgency" is a way of looking at our challenging situation as an opportunity for change, to be creative and try new things, to find new ways to overcome the difficulties we are facing. In the midst of a long-running crisis, an extended vacation may not be possible. Setting aside time for a "mini-vacation" - a break to enjoy something distracting and refreshing - can help us restore our energy and perspective. In the first segment of this podcast, Peter and Jenny give an update on the extraordinary reality we are living through now and re-introduce Randy Mayfield, a singer, songwriter, pastor and coordinator of relief missions in Europe, Africa and the Middle East. In the second segment, we share part of a recent Zoom conversation with Randy in which he explains how the pandemic-necessitated cancellation of his work and travel plans resulted in new, more expansive opportunities to help people around the world - a definite "blessing from urgency". Mini-vacations are the topic of our third segment - we explain how to take a "mini-vacation" and why they are so important for self-care and resilience. Questions from our final segment: 1) How can a mini-vacation refresh us if, by the time we stop to take one, we are completely exhausted?, 2) Can a mini-vacation help us recognize when it's time to make changes in our lives?, and 3) Fifty years ago this month, a very urgent situation led Peter to make big changes in his life. Have these changes turned out to be a blessing?

Crises urgently call for responses based on strength, skill and clear thinking. Even in the worst of times, correctly handling ourselves and our emotions can bring about good changes. In the first segment of this podcast, Peter and Jenny describe the nature of crisis, what it can feel like, and the body's stress response mechanism. In the second segment, we explain the complications that previous, unresolved crisis or trauma experiences add to a current crisis. Our third segment sheds some light on the way the stress of a crisis can either bring out the worst, or the best in each of us - it's up to us to choose. Our questions segment covers practical ways to respond effectively in a crisis: 1) How can you focus on the beneficial abilities and strengths you do have?, 2) Why is it important to take one day, or one hour, or one minute at a time?, and 3) Why is it unhelpful to think about what you can't do and how can you shift your focus to what you can do?

Is it always best to try to avoid pain and trauma, or can the experience of suffering be of lasting value? Philosophers, sociologists, soldiers, holocaust victims, and ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances have debated this question. Two trains of thought exist: extreme suffering wounds the mind and soul beyond the possibility of real recovery; or pain and trauma, accepted and worked through, can provide wisdom, hardiness, a sense of purpose, and empathy for our fellow man. This question on the value of suffering directly affects the treatment approaches to PTS - is it a mental disorder to be managed, or an appropriate moral response to horrific experiences from which people can grow and heal? Peter and Jenny believe that suffering can lead to growth in character and resilience and share their convictions from experience. Questions & Answers: 1) Some believe it's too much to ask, and an insult to others who have suffered, to say that post-traumatic growth is possible. Is this "misguided compassion"?, 2) If so, what would real compassion for sufferers of pain and hardship look like?, and 3) Is rejecting the possibility of growth after pain a type of personal "collapse"? In what way would this be a loss and a handicap?

It can be too easy to get stuck in a negative mindset during hard times. We are limited and human, unable to control all that we'd like to, and our negative emotions and reactions can be triggered and take over. It's important to start by developing an awareness of when anger, fear or despair build up in our minds and bodies. We can then make deliberate changes to shift our outlook to a more compassionate approach to ourselves and to those around us. Essential steps in this process include slowing down and tuning in to yourself, recognizing the way negativity wastes needed energy, and also recognizing the way negativity robs us of the things we most value in our lives. Peter and Jenny answer the questions: 1) Is making the shift from a negative mindset to a positive one a matter of willpower, of just trying harder?, 2) If difficult life situations leave us feeling unable to care for others, or even ourselves, shouldn't we feel shame?, and 3) What will we miss out on, and regret, by staying stuck in anger and resentment during hard times?

How can we keep a clear head in a crisis, so that we can respond effectively? "Trusting your intuition" doesn't always steer us in the right direction. Overwhelming emotions in the present and unresolved troubling emotions from the past can interfere with our ability to read current situations and take positive action. We all need to be able to tune in to ourselves and our emotional states, reading the cues in our minds and bodies. With these awarenesses, we can shift from anger, fear and sadness (directed towards others or ourselves), to compassion and empathy and a more peaceful outlook during hard times. Questions Peter and Jenny answer: 1) How can we shift from intense emotions of anger and fear to feelings of compassion and empathy?, 2) What are ways to diffuse and work through intense, negative emotions?, and 3) What can help people who deeply fear, when bad times come, that they won't be OK and won't recover from the losses they are experiencing?

What do we need to do first when a crisis hits? Which attitudes and behaviors give us the best chance to successfully navigate the difficult times ahead? The best first step to take, Peter and Jenny explain, is to recognize and accept our humanity and limitations. What has worked for us in the past may not be enough for this new challenge. With hope, and a willingness to learn we can start transitioning into the unknown future. In this episode, Peter and Jenny answer three questions: 1) When a crisis hits, is it best to put off decisions or to act quickly?, 2) How can our intuition about which actions to take in a crisis get "contaminated"?, and 3) Is it possible to handle a crisis on your own?

The pandemic is bringing changes into our lives over which we have little control. If we've expected life to move in a smooth, linear way from one stage to the next, we've set ourselves up for disappointment. We can't always choose our circumstances but we can choose how we respond. By accepting the need for change and responding with strength and courage, we can rewrite our life stories, casting ourselves in the role of hero. Patrick Cyuzuzo, a young man from Rwanda who was orphaned very young, rewrote his life story and shares a message of hope and gratitude in this episode. Patrick survived horrific experiences by making the choice to work hard and find a way to a better life. We answer three questions: 1) What does Patrick mean when he says he was able to "adopt the real me", and what could that mean for each of us?, 2) How did Patrick use "powerful decisions" to survive and change his life?, and 3) What is most important for all of us to take away from Patrick's message?