Listen Now

Sometimes we fail when we try to offer help. This can take a toll on us. Darnell has been politically active, working toward police accountability in his community. If it weren’t for his dedication to the issue, he would have quit by now. He’s talked to local politicians, organized a local activist group, and published a few op-ed pieces on the subject. But he still hasn’t seen significant movement. Though the Stoics realized that much of the world isn’t in our complete control, it didn’t stop them from trying to improve the world. How do Stoics act for the greater good despite setbacks?

Whether reading the news or looking around your neighborhood, it’s not hard to see many things wrong with the world. Sometimes these problems can seem insurmountable. And sometimes they actually are. An assassination attempt didn’t stop Malala Yousafzai from continuing her work on education rights, whereas it may easily have stopped others. While we can’t all be Malala, we can do what we’re able to attempt to make the world around us a little better. This week, you’ll take a step or two in that direction.

Have you ever had trouble falling asleep because you’re rehashing something you did earlier that day that you regret? Niamh has. She lost her temper at her husband for not taking care of the dishes yet again. Yes, she’d had a long day, and yes, he does neglect his share of things frequently. But instead of working things out, she turned to insults that clearly hurt him and that she now regrets. Niamh doesn’t normally act out like this, and she can’t help but berate herself about her loss of composure. Fortunately the Stoics have a method that allows you to look at and learn from, rather than dwell on, your past actions.

It can be hard to know how to act without guidance. John could have used some when dealing with teenagers, who, he knew, could be a handful. Growing pains. Rebellion. It’s all part of the experience, right? But knowing this hasn’t helped John manage his son Brian’s recent troubles in school. Brian’s falling grades are concerning, but the fight Brian started with the guidance counselor today is beyond the pale. As John considers his son’s actions, his astonishment and anger rise. How can Stoicism help John with his anger and guide his reactions to his son’s behavior?

When we’re angry, we may think that venting will help, partly because it often feels good to vent. This is exactly why Kofi started venting his anger—after a lifetime of keeping his feelings bottled up, releasing them felt good. But it had a nasty side effect, as with many things that can feel good: He started venting anger more and more, which led to strained relationships, in turn leading to more venting, creating a vicious cycle. Modern psychology and the ancient Stoics have similar explanations for why this vicious cycle occurs, and the Stoics offer several methods for countering it. This week, you’ll be exploring one of those techniques.

If our emotional responses were directly caused by specific external circumstances, then we’d expect everyone to react the same way to any given problem. But that’s not what we see. Consider Giovanni, who recently came out of a tough divorce. Some of his friends have also been through something similar, and though they all feel a great sense of pain and bitterness about their circumstances, Giovanni simply doesn’t. Instead, Giovanni talks about what role he played in the divorce, what he has learned about himself in the process, and how to make himself better as a result. Stoicism can help us practice the attitude that seems to come naturally to people like Giovanni. This week, we’ll focus on one such technique.

The way we view other people’s actions can affect how we feel and act toward them. Linh found this out when she learned why her usually reliable coworker Seth kept dropping the ball on a shared project, leaving Linh with most of the work. When Linh angrily confronted her colleague about slacking off, she learned that Seth was dealing with his mother’s Alzheimer’s disease, which had progressed to a point where his mother could no longer care for herself, and Seth was left as the main caregiver. This piece of information instantly transformed Linh’s anger to compassion. What kind of Stoic practice could help this paradigm shift happen more frequently, especially those who we initially find frustrating?

We occasionally encounter people who are frustrating and difficult to deal with. This gets in the way of not only our own peace of mind, but also our ability to work well with and be kind to others. Mia has experienced this firsthand. Her sales job means she constantly has to communicate with current and potential clients, as well as collaborate with coworkers. She gets along with some of them fine, but many of them can be . . . difficult, to put it mildly. When someone raises her hackles, it can cost Mia both social capital and commissions. The Stoics used premeditatio malorum (premeditation of adversity), which you practiced in Week 6, to help work through dealing with others. Their view of the world helped them act with a sense of kindness and justice as well. But how did they put their theory into practice?

It’s natural to discuss what’s going on in your life with people who care about you. Opening up to others not only keeps them informed, but it can also create closeness. However, not all forms and quantities of sharing are created equally. That’s what Valerie’s friends think, anyway. While they care about what’s going on in her life, they find she tends to overshare in person and especially on social media. It’s not just the quantity that bothers them, but the fact that Valerie often redirects her online comments back to herself. Many in-person conversations with Valerie also wind up being about her. How much sharing is too much for you? You’ll find out for yourself this week with an experiment on cutting down on talking about yourself.

How much do you care about what other people think of you? Taking people’s opinions of you into account is an important part of the Discipline of Action. However, we must care in the right way. Emil takes it personally when people criticize him to his face or when he hears through the rumor mill that somebody thinks badly of him. It stings, and it provokes Emil to use a great deal of time and emotional energy to defend himself. This week, you’ll practice a simple technique to better respond to criticism and rumors.

It can be hard to resist going along with the crowd. Sometimes following the crowd can be fun, as when joining in on the excitement of cheering for the home team in sporting events. Sometimes it can be useful, as you might push yourself harder in an exercise class. But it’s often problematic. Alex considers himself relatively introverted and reserved, but when he hangs out with some of his old friends, he finds himself acting much more aggressively and boisterously than usual. He often insults people, once even narrowly avoiding a fistfight. As you’ll see this week, the Stoics were well aware of others’ ability to influence our own thoughts and behaviors and held fast to the old saying: “You are the company you keep.”

Social media has allowed unprecedented connection between people throughout the world. But are these connections always worthwhile? Jamal’s newsfeed is abuzz with people sharing their opinions on everything from politics to the latest superhero movie—that is, when it’s not filled with chatter about a photogenic meal, or a friend’s vacation. What would the ancient Stoics have to say about the quality of our social media feeds and social interactions today?

Many of us live in a culture where being busy is a badge of pride. Having full days means you get things done. This signals that you’re a productive member of society and value hard work. However, being busy has its downsides. Liam lives a productive professional and family life, and his days are always packed. He often has to turn down spending quality time with friends, and also loses out on time for himself. While the Stoics valued making the most of your time, can taking things on be taken too far?

As we go about our day, our minds naturally turn toward accomplishing our goals. This can be useful in achieving those goals, but can also come at a cost. If all we think about is accomplishing the goal, we put our mental well-being in the hands of chance. This is what happened to Ameerah as she felt her anger rising as she considered the guy using the squat rack for bicep curls. Her main goal was to get her squats in, and by chance someone was using the equipment for something he didn’t need it for. While curling in the squat rack is definitely bad gym etiquette, the Stoics would caution that anger isn’t useful in this situation. How can we maintain our composure when coping with the frustrations we encounter while going about our day?

That’s amazing, thinks Yael as she watches her friend Abigail hand the homeless man a $100 bill. Yael was more concerned with avoiding the stench coming from the man, but not Abigail—she can’t help but give to those in need. Abigail is the kindest person Yael knows. I want to be more like that, Yael thinks to herself, and smiles.

We know at some level that we’re going to die. How deep does that knowledge go? We sometimes obsessively pursue health or beauty in an attempt to delay the inevitable. Even though we can take precautions, we still don’t have complete control. Katie found this out the hard way, seeing both of her parents die of cancer at a young age. Since then, she’s been focused on health, carefully monitoring her food intake and exercising daily. A long, prosperous life is a preferred indifferent according to the Stoics; they were more focused on quality of life over quantity. They didn’t think one’s quality of life depended on health or traditional notions of success. Instead, they thought it consisted of quality of thought and character. This week you will focus on ingraining this concept ever more deeply into your psyche.

At some level, we know that nothing lasts forever, but the fact that we haven’t fully accepted that truism becomes apparent when we get upset at losing something we cherish. For some, breaking a favorite possession stings. The most painful types of losses, however, are of the people we love, especially if the loss is unexpected. This helps explain why Yu Yan couldn’t cope while attending her son’s funeral after an unfortunate motorbike accident. The death of a son or daughter is the biggest tragedy a parent can endure, even a practicing Stoic parent. However, the Stoics did suggest exercises that take the bite out of losses. This week, you will practice working with one such exercise, starting with small mishaps and moving up to larger calamities.

There are two types of goals that the Stoics believed to be harmful to pursue: those where you aren’t likely to succeed, and those you will likely regret if you do succeed. As he slips off his wedding ring and approaches the attractive woman at the bar, Troy’s current goal checks both of these boxes, although checking only one would have been more than enough for the Stoics to consider it harmful. But Stoicism isn’t about judging Troy’s desires; it’s about judging your own. This week, you’ll examine your own desires to see how fruitful they really are.

Temptations are, well, tempting! They can be especially hard to resist when they’re easily accessible. Romain knows this all too well. For convenience, he keeps some snacks at work in case he gets hungry. Plus, it gives him some semblance of pleasure during the work day. He always keeps his home pantry well stocked with snacks, too, so he doesn’t have to run out when he has a craving. While keeping snacks around makes things easier for Romain in some ways, his doctor demurs after seeing his creeping weight and poor lipid panel results. The Stoics understood that sometimes the best way to deal with temptations is to put them out of sight. You’ll test this idea yourself over the next week.

For many, food isn’t just a source of sustenance, it’s also a source of pleasure. Take Thomas, for example, who is a philosophy major. He’s heard of Stoicism before, but he strongly prefers the epicurean lifestyle—not like the ancient Epicureans practiced it, mind you, but in the modern sense. When he’s not out hitting the latest restaurant, Thomas can be found in his state-of-the-art kitchen cooking up Ragù alla Bolognese in his Dutch oven. Food is one of the pleasures of life, but the Stoics thought there were many pitfalls surrounding it, too, as we’ll soon see.