37 minutes | May 31st 2018

The STANDcast 51: Healing After Stillbirth or Miscarriage with Jessica Bomarito

In episode 51 of the STANDcast Dwayne Hayes, editor in chief of STAND magazine, is joined by his wife, editor & poet Jessica Bomarito, to discuss healing after stillbirth or miscarriage. In September of 2011 Jessica and Dwayne experienced the stillbirths of their twin daughters Tessa and Sabine. Jessica shares how friends and family supported her following the loss, encourages women to experience their grief without putting a deadline to it, and offers suggestions for men who have experienced stillbirth or miscarriage with their partners. All this and much more on STANDcast 51. Episode 51 fast facts and info: • Special guest: Jessica Bomarito • Strategies for handling grief • Looked for books to be of support • Joan Didion: The Year of Magical Thinking • Let yourself feel whatever emotions you’re experiencing • There are not “wrong” emotions • There is no “time limit” to grief • Feelings were more “intense” with stillbirth than with experiencing miscarriage • Friends & family supported us with food and lawn care, phone calls • Jessica’s company was very supportive and gave her extended time off • Friends had stone engraved at the library with our daughter’s names • Most hurtful when people don’t say anything or try to rationalize • Just say: I’m really sorry • Friends tried to shield her from discussing the experience • Husbands tend to listen more than sharing their own feelings • Men might feel their partners experience is the most significant • She felt more interested in marking anniversaries or creating things to make memories • We could have benefitted from grief counseling • Found online groups for support • Understand there are physical & emotional issues, too, that women deal with following a loss • Many women experience guilt after loss of a pregnancy • Tell your partner you’re grieving, too • Try not to rush into “normalcy”. Things will be different but you can become closer • Discuss sex with your partner • Helpful resources: Precious Sleeping Angels on Facebook, Lambs on Facebook • Writing was helpful • Jessica’s poetry appeared in the book Three Minus One • STAND magazine Music: Get Up Stand Up (Featuring Brother Ali) by Public Enemy, licensed under Creative Commons 4.0
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