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Britt Frank - therapist, teacher, speaker, and trauma specialist - focuses her work on helping others who feel stuck. Her life’s work developed out of a history of drug addiction, love addiction, borderline personality disorder, depression, an eating disorder and anxiety. It sounds like a lot, and it is, but her approach to her work comes from a deep understanding of what it feels like to be stuck.  Britt tried numerous things to get better, and got worse, but once she was on the path to recovery, she found purpose - to dismantle the mental health and motivation myths that keep us stuck, sick, and stressed.  Her recently released book - The Science of Stuck - is a research-based tool kit for moving past what’s holding you back in life, love, and in work.  Britt’s goal is to educate, empower, and equip people to transform their most persistent and long-standing patterns of thinking and doing. In this conversation, Britt and Sonya talk about how to get unstuck, celebrate successes, use past experiences to help us now and more. Key Takeaways   How to get out of being stuck How to celebrate successes Using “and thinking” instead of “but thinking” Nine benefits to staying stuck What role does shame play in keeping us stuck Cost-benefit analysis of behaviors How can we digest past traumas to help us now Myths about adult friendships Shadow Intelligence SQ Favorite five-minute challenges  

Sometimes life can feel hard and overwhelming. Big life changes often cause discomfort and stress, but out of it comes growth. Growth is something most of us want, but it's normally not something that feels good all the time. With growth can come a period of struggling, and sometimes that feeling of struggling can feel like it'll last forever. Personally, I am struggling right now. Having a newborn baby (second child) along with my son who just turned two, all while trying to meet the demands of being a Professional Athlete, run my business, have my weekly podcast while maintaining a high standard, sending out articles I write in my weekly newsletter, and have very limited childcare help has been far more stressful and overwhelming than I anticipated. In my line of work, I don't get to take a maternity leave. Some of my work is work that needs to be done consistently that I have made a commitment to do. For the podcast, I recorded three months of guests in advance before having my daughter and left a bit of space for solo articles/episodes like this one. When you're a creator, you don't get to just step away without penalties. Adding in sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and trying to rehab and recover from birth adds to the layer of difficulty because it is harder to cope from a shakier foundation. Key Takeaways What to Do if You're Struggling with Overwhelm What to Do if You're Struggling with Confidence What to Do if You're Struggling with Motivation

This week’s podcast features a discussion with Stanford Female Athlete Science And Translational Research (FASTR) Program Director Dr. Emily Kraus and Lead Researcher Dr. Megan Roche. The FASTR program seeks to help close the gender gap in sports science research with an emphasis on early identification and interventions to prevent injury and identify ways to optimize performance in female athletes. The program hopes to “inspire female athletes to learn more about their bodies and embrace what makes them strong and unique. Through proper education surrounding fueling, recovery, mental health, and more [they] encourage the development [of] lifelong athletes.” Dr. Kraus is a Clinical Assistant Professor at Stanford Children’s Orthopedic and Sports Medicine Center. She specializes in Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation sports medicine. She is involved in several research projects, including The Healthy Runner Project, a multicenter prospective interventional study focused on bone stress injury prevention in collegiate middle and long distance runners. Dr. Kraus also spends time performing gait analysis at the Stanford Run Safe Injury Prevention Program and serves as a medical advisor for the Adaptive Sports Injury Prevention Program at the Palo Alto VA.  She has completed seven marathons including the Boston Marathon twice and one 50k ultramarathon. Dr. Roche has a medical degree from Stanford University but is now a Ph.D. candidate in Epidemiology and Population Health at Stanford focusing on bone health in athletes and the genetic predictors of sports injury. Dr. Roche is a post-doctoral research fellow at the Stanford Center on Longevity and is helping launch Stanford’s Lifestyle Medicine Initiative.  Dr. Roche is a five-time national trail running champion, a North American Mountain Running Champion, and a six-time member of Team USA. She is a co-author of the book “The Happy Runner” and a co-founder of Some Work All Play, a coaching group centered around finding long-term fulfillment in the process of running. In this episode, you'll learn about low energy availability, bone health, proper fueling and more! Key Takeaways How Drs. Emily Kraus and Megan Roche started working together The push to study female athletes What is low energy availability  How this also applies to men How sex hormones affect bone health What does proper fueling look like  How mental health impacts low energy availability  Early symptoms of low energy availability Bone health and longevity as an athlete Genetic predictors of sports injury

Fiona Oakes is an elite marathon runner, who has completed over 100 marathons and finished in the top 20 in two of the world’s Major Marathon series, winning the Main Start and placing in the top 20 in the Great North Run. She holds four Guinness recognized World Records in endurance events including being the fastest woman to run a Marathon on every Continent. But Fiona doesn’t consider herself a great runner. All of her runs and accolades are in service of a greater purpose - care and love for animals.  Fiona is a vegan. Helping others understand the reasons behind her lifestyle drives her to participate in runs around the world.  Fiona became the first vegan woman to complete the Marathon de Sables - a race she has completed twice more since - and in 2013 won the North Pole Marathon and its 'sister' race the Antarctic Ice Marathon.  She also runs to bring awareness to her animal sanctuary - Towerhill Stables Animal Sanctuary - which she founded in 1996.  Fiona is the subject of a documentary called Running for Good and is the author of a book of the same name.  In this podcast, Sonya and Fiona talk about her pursuit to promote veganism, her career as a runner, and her love of animals.  Key Takeaways:   Who is Fiona Oakes Running for a reason  Love of animals Veganism What is talent Falling into different global races How to keep going Animal sanctuary  

Bob Doyle is a law of attraction expert and coach. The law of attraction is a belief that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life. He focuses heavily on helping people decide who they want to be and how they want to express themselves. Bob has been teaching these principles through programs, live events, podcasts, coaching, writing and more since 1998. He’s best known for his contribution to the film and book “The Secret.” He has recently shifted from the metaphysical aspects of the law of attraction to a more biological look at what controls our experiences and our brain.  Bob is passionate about the neuroplasticity side of transformation. Digging into identifying where you might be living life on autopilot, how to take action and change your personal story, and the importance of consistency are key elements of this conversation. We also talked about how to make your vision a reality, something that is often missed in the Law of Attraction. It's about action and allowing the discomfort that comes with it. Bob believes that wiring determines the quality of your experience, the actions you’ll take and the results you get, and ultimately what you do with those results. Key Takeaways The courage to explore creativity Where the law of attraction goes wrong Transformation personality types seeker, wizard, skeptic, people pleaser  How to define and scale your vision  Why people stay stuck

In 2017, Hillary Allen experienced a life threatening accident that had the potential to completely derail her career as an endurance athlete. She fell 150 feet off a ridge-line during a race in Norway. With 14 broken bones, she was told she’d never run again, and most definitely not compete at an elite level. She overcame the odds and made a full recovery to return to elite level racing.  Hillary, nicknamed “Hillygoat” because of her love and skill for running fast on steep, technical mountain terrain, has raced all over the world.  In 2021, Hillary published a book about her accident and long road to recovery called Out and Back.  Hillary received her masters degree in neuroscience, physiology and structural biology, and is also a running coach.  In this podcast, Sonya and Hillary talked about her career as a runner, her injury, overcoming the odds to return better than before and the importance of self-belief to get there. Key Takeaways:   Where spirit of adventure came from How she became a runner Exploring curiosity  What is sky running Falling off a 150’ cliff and almost dying Depression from injury Getting back to sky running post injury Where does self-belief come from How to train for ultra endurance gravel cycling and running  

Small wins are possibly one of the most important aspects of progress, motivation, and confidence in our lives that are overlooked. The reality is that they are the building blocks, the steps, the brush strokes to building a masterpiece. No one suddenly has a big, flashy achievement. They are the many steps to get there that build resilience and character, not the achievement itself. The irony is that a lot of people feel silly when they acknowledge something small or simple. We tend to rank small or simple tasks as not impactful or not important. The reality is that small wins matter a lot more than you'd think. Key Takeaways How Small Wins Matter: Identity and Competence Small Wins Boost Confidence Small Wins are Essential For Momentum

James Lawrence, also known as the Iron Cowboy, is a mindset and fitness coach, best known for testing his mental and physical limits. In 2021, James set out to complete 100 Ironman-distance triathlons in 100 days. He ended up doing 101 triathlons in 101 days. The Conquer 100 wasn’t the first time James tested his athletic limits. It started when his wife signed him up for a marathon. But one marathon wasn’t enough, so he tried a sprint triathlon. He was hooked, and in 2011, he completed 20 half-Ironman distances in 22 weeks and then 30 full-Ironman distances in 2012. In 2015, he completed 50 Ironman triathlons in 50 states in 50 days.  In this episode, the Iron Cowboy talks with Sonya about his 101 Ironman-distance triathlons in 101 consecutive days - the planning, the pain, the wins and expectations. Key Takeaways Guiding principles and ethos Importance of celebrating small wins How they planned the 101 Dealing with the monotony of the 101 Managing internal and external expectations Importance of his mantra Here We Go Some of the injuries he incurred Insights post Conquer 100

Cycling has been a lifeline for Haley Smith. Haley, a top professional cyclist, competed in the cross-country event at the 2018 Commonwealth Games, winning the bronze medal, and was named to the 2020 Canadian Olympic team and competed in the delayed summer games in 2021. She recently signed with Maxxis Factory Racing after a decade with Norco. But cycling has been more than competition to Haley; it’s been a tool to manage her mental health.  In this week’s podcast, Sonya sat down with Haley to talk about her path to cycling, battling anxiety, mindfulness, expanding views of success and more.  Key Takeaways Getting started in cycling Battling anxiety Mindfulness work to manage mental health Cycling as a meditative activity Not avoiding difficult things Finding mountain biking Staying in the moment and daily improvements with cycling Measuring improvement - expanding view of success Working on outlook and attitude Goal setting The Olympic experience

Dr. Diana Hill focuses on ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - and specializes in evidence-based and compassion-focused approaches.  Diana started as a biopsychology major and also practiced yoga and mindfulness to manage her struggles with anxiety and eating. After her undergraduate degree, she went for her PhD in clinical psychology. She became the clinical director at La Luna Center, an intensive outpatient center for eating disorders that embraces feminine, and holistic, integrative approaches to healing, designing programs centered around ACT.  After becoming a mother, Diana moved back to Santa Barbara, and started a private practice.  To stay on top of the most current psychology research, she started a podcast called Psychologists Off the Clock with her colleague Dr. Debbie Sorenson in 2016. She also wrote a book with Dr. Sorenson called ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, released in 2021. Diana also records a podcast called Your Life in Process and offers a Foundation of ACT course. In this podcast, Sonya and Diana talk about acceptance based therapy, mindfulness, and more.  Key Takeaways Acceptance-based therapy Mindfulness Practicing mindfulness What acceptance means A “yes” brain Values - qualities of action that you bring to situations Psychological flexibility and the six core processes Harnessing energy Resting even though you feel guilty Enoughness Being efficient with your time Celebrating successes

Impostor Syndrome - you've heard of it. You've probably felt it. It happens when we discount our ability in a certain area or areas, despite obvious evidence to the contrary. For example, I've been World Champion. I've won major races around the world. I've been US National Champion 4 times. I have been a paid professional athlete since 2014…. and yet at times… I still do not feel like I am a “real pro.”  Boom. Impostor Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome shows up in many areas of our lives (even if we have advanced degrees, tons of experience, and heaps of success). It can be paralyzing and prevent us from getting started or going after our goals and dreams. In this episode, I talk about: The 5 Types of Impostors Other Reasons We May Feel Like Impostors  What Do We Do About Impostor Syndrome?   When Impostor Syndrome isn't a Problem

Gretchen Rubin has a knack for taking a huge amount of information and making it clear and relatable for the masses. Her focus is happiness and human nature and has several bestselling books, including The Happiness Project and The Four Tendencies. Her work draws from cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from popular culture, and her own experiences to explore how we can make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. Her podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin, discusses happiness and good habits and won a 2020 Webby Award for “best of the internet.” She has been interviewed by Oprah, is a regular columnist for O, The Oprah Magazine and makes regular appearances on CBS This Morning. She’s crossed paths with the Dalai Lama, and had her work written up in a medical journal. Gretchen started her career in law and clerked for Justice Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, before realizing she wanted to pivot to being a writer. In this week’s episode, Sonya and Gretchen deep dive into the four tendencies - upholder, questioner, obliger and rebel. Key Takeaways Four tendencies: upholders, questioners, obligers, rebels How a person of each tendency handles interactions Working with other tendencies Diving deeper into the rebel tendency Tendencies and careers Behavior changes for each category Imaginative forms of outer accountability The word “motivation” Strategy of abstaining Planned exception

Brian Asbill, MD, board certified in Cardiovascular Diseases and Clinical Lipidology, had a career defining moment back in 2013 (he’ll talk about this during the podcast). One of his patients, who had already survived two open heart surgeries and was still experiencing chest pain, came in to see him after a recommendation for a third surgery by a different doctor. Brian had a book in his office by Caldwell Esselstyn called Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease, which he decided to share with the patient. This book, which recommended switching to a plant-based diet, changed this patient’s life. Three months later and 27 pounds lighter, he no longer needed many of his medications and his chest pain was gone.  This began Brian’s path to Lifestyle Medicine, becoming the first board certified physician in Lifestyle Medicine in 2017. Brian co-founded Ruckus Health, dedicated to supporting people holistically in uncovering their innate ability to live in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual balance. Dr. Asbill is a Fellow of the American College of Cardiology and is a professional member of the American College of Physicians and the North Carolina Medical Society. Key Takeaways:   Finding Lifestyle Medicine Career as a cardiologist Transitioning to a whole food, plant-based diet Detecting cardiovascular disease if you're asymptomatic Reversing cardiovascular disease  Cardio protection with plant-based diets Foods that are a no-go  The 6 pillars of Lifestyle Medicine Stress management tips  

Today, you'll learn the difference between fierce self-compassion and tender self-compassion. In 2017, I had the opportunity to sit down with Dr. Kristin Neff to talk about her book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself,” and the basics of self-compassion. This week, I had the opportunity to reconnect with Kristin, doing a deeper dive into self-compassion and learning more about her latest book “Fierce Self Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.”  ​​Kristin is a leader in the field of self-compassion research, creating a scale to measure the construct almost 20 years ago. With her colleague, Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, and she co-authored The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook as well as Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. She is also co-founder of the nonprofit Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. She is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. Key Takeaways   What is fierce self-compassion How does self-compassion work in athletics and competitive environments Self worth: Self esteem vs self-compassion How to teach your kids self-compassion Emotions associated with each type of compassion How to get angry appropriately and express anger Listening to your anger Self-compassion in the social justice movements Sexual assault and self-compassion Avoidance of difficult emotions without identifying with them Reframing vs. acceptance Strategies for practicing self-compassion  

Our family made a lot of changes in the last year to our lives. We moved to an entirely new town, bought a house, changed our work environment, got pregnant with our second child, and we are raising a sweet toddler! Each month, I like bringing a solo episode to you. Usually, it's about a well-researched topic as it relates to topics covered on the show (and you can get weekly doses in my newsletter), but today, we talked about courage, parenting, marital satisfaction, and more! Key Takeaways   Why we moved to Squamish What it means to have courage to make changes Marital Satisfaction with a Toddler Matt's Running Journey Taking 3 years off racing Feelings about our new baby coming soon  

Emily Oster tells it like it is. The Professor of Economics at Brown University is known for her books that take a data-driven approach to pregnancy and parenting. Wondering what’s behind the sushi rule during pregnancy or how much coffee you’re allowed to drink? Curious about co-sleeping? Potty Training? Emily provides the data and analysis that drive these well-known rules.  Emily’s first book, Expecting Better, provides information to help women make their own well-informed decisions throughout pregnancy. She then wrote Cribsheet, a similarly data-driven book to help new parents navigate all of the conflicting information about how to breastfeed, sleep-train, and potty training.  Her most recent book, The Family Firm, provides a framework for data-driven parents to think about the key issues of the elementary years: school, health, extracurricular activities, and more.  In this week’s episode, Sonya and Emily talked about many topics of interest in early childhood development. Key Takeaways Hierarchy of types of research studies Confusion around data reporting Do childhood vaccines cause Autism Does sleep training work and is it beneficial How having children impacts marital satisfaction What's best: nanny vs. daycare vs. stay at home parent Data around TV watching and learning for kids under 5 Potty training Alcohol and breastfeeding and pregnancy

Dani Taylor and Giacomo are vegan bodybuilders. Sounds a little bit like an oxymoron, right? But these two married athletes are amazing examples for how you can be plant-based, strong, and champions. In this podcast, Dani, Taylor and Sonya sat down to talk about how to be a vegan bodybuilder, what steps to take to incorporate more plant-based foods into your diet, and their work coaching through VeganProtein.com.  Dani is a vegan figure competitor and champion. She co-founded VeganProteins.com and PlantBuilt.com, a nonprofit organization of strength-based vegan athletes who compete together to raise awareness for veganism and money for rescued animals at farm sanctuaries, with Giacomo.  As VeganProteins head coach, Dani helps women build confidence to lift weights for the first time and find their strength. She also specializes in vegan figure competition prep to help people prepare for competition. Giacomo is an assistant coach through VeganProteins and works with clients on a daily basis to help them reach their bodybuilding and powerlifting goals. Giacomo has been vegan for over 10 years and involved with fitness for over 20 years. In this episode, you’ll hear more from Dani and Giacomo about VeganProteins, becoming vegan, maintaining strength and weight for competition and the discipline for their success. Key Takeaways What is Vegan Strong Typical day of eating for a vegan bodybuilder How to get leaner and lose weight - what you may not know Learning to love vegetables Curiosity into action How to not be afraid of consequences The first steps for the plant-curious How to learn to cook Creating balance when you have intense singular focus How to have the discipline to achieve a great physique  How to get back on track

In this week’s podcast, Sonya sat down with Katy Milkman, a professor at The Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, as well as Penn’s Perelman School of Medicine, to discuss behavior sciences, behavior change, setting goals, and much more. Katy conducts research that looks at insights from economics and psychology and how they can be harnessed to change consequential behaviors for good. She co-founded, and co-directs, the Behavior Change for Good Initiative at the University of Pennsylvania.  Last year, Katy published How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, which the New York Times named one of the eight best books for healthy living in 2021. She was also named one of the world’s top 50 management thinkers and the world’s top strategy thinker by Thinkers50. Katy’s extensive resume includes work with many organizations on behavior change, including The White House, Google, the U.S. Department of Defense, the American Red Cross, and more. She also hosts a podcast called Choiceology,  an original podcast from Charles Schwab, that explores the lessons of behavioral economics, exposing the psychological traps that lead to expensive mistakes. Key Takeaways How Katy got into behavioral sciences Leading reason to make change What the hell effect How to set an appropriate goal Commitment devices Temptation Bundle Advice

Excuses can show up in several forms, especially when it comes to following through with goals and commitments. The biggest excuse often comes in the form of procrastination. We say we will do something later and then we never do it. Other forms of excuses show up as a reason to let yourself off the hook. Maybe you feel like you're too tired, too lazy, too unmotivated, or you just hate doing something. First, I am going to talk about big picture excuses- excuses that we make to avoid bigger life changes. Next, I'll talk about how to decide if the commitment we made is true commitment or just an interest, and how to make stronger commitments. FIGURE OUT WHAT’S REALLY HOLDING YOU BACK Here are some common excuses I hear or that I’ve caught myself saying. Try to notice your own narrative around excuses and the broader meaning behind those excuses. Here are a few examples. I’m too old to start (I hear this a lot with mountain biking… NOT true! My dad started in his 60s. My father-in-law is in his 70s and mountain bikes!). If you listened to my podcast with Ian Marshall, he started ultra-running in his mid-40s and is running and traveling the world full-time as someone in his 50s. You’re really saying “I’m afraid I’ll get hurt” or you have a fixed mindset about improvement and aging thinking "I don't believe that I can improve as I age." Hire a coach, take babysteps, realize that you are looking at worst-case scenarios and it’s probably not true. I don’t know how to do it. You’re really saying: I don’t know how to do it right now. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to figure it out. I’m afraid I’ll waste my time trying to learn if it doesn’t work out. I don’t want to spend the time. Meet the internet. You can learn how to do pretty much everything if you’re willing to put in the time. If you're not willing to put in the work to figure something out or seek help from someone, you may not be as interested in the goal as you originally thought. It's okay to not know how to do something, but the only way to make forward progress is to start. We also worry about imperfect progress and wasting time as we try to figure out how to do something. The time spent is part of the investment. It’s too cold, hot, I’m too sleepy, I have too much to do… excuses not to exercise, do housework, or a project. What are you really worried about? Are you tired, stressed, burnt out, or injured? Those are times you might need a break. You probably are really saying that you don’t want to be uncomfortable. Change your momentum to find out. There are so many times you don't feel like doing something and wait for motivation to strike. You've probably heard me say this many times but motivation follows action, not the other way around. Get started and then decide if you're too cold, too sleepy, or too overwhelmed instead of letting those excuses stop you from starting in the first place. I have already spent years in school or in my career dedicated to this path. I can’t change now. You’re really saying that it is hard to start over and you’re afraid of the sunk cost of time and money, but you can always change. You also might be avoiding discomfort, temporary loss of identity, fear of not knowing what to do next, but you can almost always change. Change is hard and it takes work, but it’s worth it. I don’t have time You’re really saying you won’t make time. You might have to cut something else out, but if it’s important you always have time. Sometimes you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Some of the excuses I just mentioned are for bigger picture things. But what about smaller things too? I am the worst about procrastinating with writing: blog posts, articles, books. I also have been known to procrastinate getting out on my bike, meditating, going to the gym, cleaning the garage, listing stuff on craigslist. What should you do to be stronger than your excuses? MOTIVATION FOLLOWS ACTION: THE HARDEST PART IS GETTING STARTED First, identify that you are in fact making an excuse. Just being aware that you are doing it helps, and try to figure out what the real issue is in the first place. The hardest part for most people is simply getting started. In chemistry, physics, or even an electrical impulse in the body, there is the activation energy, that is, a minimum quantity of energy required to get the process or reaction started. Once you apply some energy to it, you’ll get moving. Usually, applied to something we are trying to get ourselves to do, this activation energy is getting started and doing it for 1-5 minutes. So- commit to getting dressed and riding your bike for 5 minutes. Do 1 yoga stretch. Meditate for 3 breaths. Do just 10 pushups. Put one plate in the dishwasher. Open a document and write 2 sentences. Read one article on how to do something you want to learn. It’ll help you get started to overcome that initial amount of activation energy. Tell yourself you can stop if you don’t want to keep going…but chances are you’ll keep going. The hardest part is getting started. FOCUS ON THE FEELING Another tip is reverse engineering how you’ll feel if you don’t do the thing. How will you feel after? I don’t know about you, but I have very rarely regretted getting out on that run or bike ride, even when I didn’t want to get started. You rarely regret doing something that you were trying to get yourself to do. All the times you overcome your excuses, focus on the feeling when you get it done, and revisit it each time you try to make an excuse. It’s a muscle you can strengthen as you build more trust and integrity with yourself. It’s really powerful when you actually do the thing you said you were going to do. And if you think it’s about willpower, listen to my podcast episode on How to Boost Willpower (linked in the show notes). IDENTITY AND ENVIRONMENT Making it easy to do the thing you’re trying to do helps you get started. We’ve talked about this before, but doing things like setting your clothes out the night before, having the meditation app on the front page of your phone, having the default main browser page on your computer as your compose page of your blog or an online course you’re working on. Leaving a fruit bowl front and center on your counter. You can also think about identity. What would a tidy person do? The tidy person would make their bed and fold the sock pile on the floor before leaving the room. What would a healthy person do? A healthy person would do meal prep with healthy meals on the weekend to make sure they don’t eat junk food or eat out during the week. What would an athlete do? An athlete would show up for their workouts, even if they don’t always feel like it. Each time you do something that fits that identity, you become that identity. I addressed identity and environment in my Ultimate Guide to Goal Setting. WHAT IF THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU ARE JUST NOT TRULY COMMITTED TO YOUR GOAL? It's not uncommon to be interested in doing something without knowing what you're really committing to do. There's a big difference between interest and commitment. We also sometimes have trouble saying no to ourselves or to someone else and commit to something we don't actually want to do. Here are some ways to decide if something is a commitment or just an interest. Learn to Say No Sometimes we make commitments that we didn’t want to do in the first place. We felt like we couldn’t say no in the moment. Time is our most precious asset and it’s not a renewable resource.  Learn to say no to things that you really don’t want to do. You might feel bad about it in the moment, but if you told someone yes and then don’t follow through, they’ll feel even worse and you’ll have also wasted their time.  Consider your Future-Self. i.e. Delay Gratification  When the time comes to get started or even to keep going (like following through with this article instead of stopping in the middle), think of what your future-self would want.  Sure, I could stop right now and go do something else that would gratify my present-self.  But I know from experience that my future self will not be pleased if I don't do the thing I committed to do and have to do it later when I'm feeling even less like doing it.  This example can be made even as simple as making your bed. Your present self might just want to walk on by and say “I’ll do it later” but think of how your Future-Self would feel- even 1 minute into the future the next time you walk by the bed and feel better because it’s done?  Strengthen Your Get It Done Muscle (how it feels) The Future-Self examples is a great lead-in to this point.  I just said “think of how it will feel for your future self.”   Follow-Through is a muscle and it also builds confidence. When you do the thing you said you'd do, you trust yourself more.  It feels good to identify as someone who honors their commitments. How does it feel in your body when you actually did the thing you said you would?  How does it feel in your body to procrastinate?  If it’s hard to pinpoint how it feels, ask yourself if it makes it a little easier to breathe or a little harder to breathe. If you can bring executing on your intentions to the physical realm of your body, it might be easier to delay gratification and do the thing right now. Use Mindfulness to Stop Excuses The alarm clock goes off at 6 AM because you said you were going to get up to exercise. Your first thought is “I’ll hit snooze once” or maybe it’s “I’ll start tomorrow.” Meditation and mindfulness practices take you off autopilot and help you be more aware when thoughts pop in your mind.  If you can stop the excuse train in its tracks- with the first excuse you made, it’ll prevent them from multiplying.  Stop the excuse and get moving.  Take one small step to stop that excuse.  If you think your excuse may be valid, go back to the commit to getting started model.  For exercise, if your excuse is “I’m too tired to ride my bike” which has been an excuse I have had almost every day of being pregnant by the way, commit to starting.  If you’re still too tired afte

We all have ideas of what we want our life to look like. It could be something like weight loss, improving speed on the bike or running, or even cooking more at home.  When you set those goals, how do you go about doing it? Have you set goals and ultimately lost motivation or simply got out of the habit? With the impending New Year, many of us like to think about what we want to accomplish. In fact, fresh starts are a great time for habit change. (link). I'm here to help you set goals for the new year or any time that will actually keep you on track. In this guide, you'll learn: The mistakes people make with setting goals how to set a process or behavior focused goals (instead of outcome goals) how big of a goal is too big strategies to avoid the self-sabotage of all-or-none thinking SMART Goals: the actual elements of setting an achievable goal some ways to track your goals how to stay motivated with your goals ove rtime define what success looks like The Mistakes People Make with Setting Goals It's normal to look at what we want to achieve with a goal. I want to lose 10 lbs. I want to finish top 10 in my race. I want to run a certain 10k or marathon time. I want to make a certain amount of money. These are all outcome-based goals. Outcome goals are focused on the product of your work. The problem with outcome-based goals? A lot of the time, they are out of our control You cannot control a race result. In some ways, you cannot control an exact dollar amount you want to make. And even if they are within our control, outcome-based goals can be demotivating. You hear of people who train to run a marathon, do the race, and never run again. Ultimately, we are trying to grow as a person or slightly change our identity. The goal of someone who wants to run a marathon is really that they want to become a runner, but if they miss this bit point, they may just run the marathon and quit running. I'm sure you have heard about process-oriented goals. In coaching, we call this behavior-oriented goals. What behaviors can you consistently commit to that will move you toward the outcome you want? The behaviors, the process, the work- that is what gets you to your goal and that is what is within your control. It's okay to have an outcome in mind, but set that goalpost and then forget about it. Ultimately, we set goals because we want to feel proud. At the end of the day, it's the consistent work we put in that makes us feel proud, even if the outcome isn't exactly what we wanted. I've felt really proud of race results that didn't even land me of the podium because I know what I did to get to that point and I was proud of my performance. As Atomic Habits author and podcast guest James Clear says, "Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become." Focus on your daily actions, vote to be the thing you want to achieve. The goal isn't to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner. The goal isn't to write a book, the goal is to become a writer. The goal isn't to lose weight, the goal is to be someone who eats healthy. What are the actions of someone who already has that identity and how can you replicate them and feel proud of them? Another problem people have is they set goals that are too big. How Big of a Goal is Too Big? The problem with unrealistic expectations or a goal too big is that it can undermine your confidence or even make you give up early in your attempt to meet your challenge. What is the optimal amount of difficulty for challenges?  When it comes to flow and performance, scientists found that just 4% past your current ability is the right amount.  Just 4%!  That's barely moving the needle and I think many of us try to dial it up by much higher numbers. I have tried taking on too much at once many times and it usually would mean I got worse. Trying to do ride a trail that is too technical or coming back after an injury expecting to be exactly where you were before is unrealistic.  Setting small action steps or small micro-challenges with skill development will continue to help you build your confidence and work towards a goal in a sustainable way.  Start where you are today, and set just manageable challenges to move forward. This is something my health coaching clients do every session- they set 2 or 3 small goals that put a brick in the wall to build toward their broader goal.  It's good to have a big vision for what you want to achieve- you may even have heard of setting a BHAG: Big Hairy Audacious Goal. I'm all for that!  But it's about taking the baby action steps, having the patience for the long-term, and committing the process.   100 small steps get you pretty far down the path, create an ingrained habit or skill, and give you the confidence and resilience to move forward.  Looking at the big picture from time to time is key, just as long as it doesn't overwhelm you making you feel like you need to do it all at once. it's important to celebrate those small wins.  We often are so focused on the future and focused forward that we forget the impressive mountain we just climbed.   Why All-or-None Thinking Doesn't Work Another landmine with goal-setting is people tend to think in all-or-none terms. Eating healthy is an easy example. How many times have you had one cookie that turned into three cookies, a pizza for lunch, chips for a snack, and fast food for dinner? We tend to self-sabotage when we slip up once. All-or-none thinking has its place in changing or maintaining certain habits. In some cases, it's easier to abstain from something completely than to approach a habit with moderation. In fact, studies show that we often are bad at guessing how moderate we are actually being. When it comes to moderation, it's essential to have clear limits and boundaries. Whether we are trying to be all-or-none or trying to moderate a behavior within certain limits, slip-ups happen. Here is why slip-ups happen and how to create a simple contingency plan for when they do. "Slip-ups" with behavior change happen for several reasons.  Setting a goal that is too big or not sustainable for the long term. Solution: set smaller action steps or easier to attain goals to keep building momentum and trend in the right direction. Sometimes our environment is set up to make it hard to be successful (if you want to drink less but your spouse buys a bottle of your favorite wine... there's Halloween candy laying around when you want to cut back on sugar, etc.) Solution: Create an environment that makes it easier to succeed (like put alcohol in inconvenient places to get to, don't put beer in the fridge so you have to wait for it to get cold if you want one, don't have candy in the house or put it somewhere out of sight and hard to get to). In addition, keep healthier options handy. Make access less convenient for habits you're trying to break and make access more convenient and visible for habits you're trying to adopt (e.g fruit bowl on the counter, wear a running watch to remind you that you are going for a run or start the day wearing your sports bra, so you're already part-way dressed to exercise). Setting a goal that we think we should do but don't really want to do, so we never actually tap into our intrinsic motivation and meaning. Solution: Set a different goal, or if this new habit is critical, find ways to make it personally meaningful and where you can feel or see the benefits.  Alright, so you know a few reasons why some of our habits don't stick, but what happens if you set boundaries and you still didn't follow through with what you said you'd do?    One thing to try is to create if/then statements to help get you back on track. I first learned about if/then statements back in engineering school when we were doing computer programming. Identifying barriers and having a Plan B can be effective. Here are some examples. If I skip my workout this morning, then I will go for a walk after dinner tonight. (or) If I skip my workout this morning, then I will make sure I invite a friend to join me for tomorrow's workout so I don't miss it again. If I open a bag of chips, then I will put one serving on a plate with a piece of fruit and put the bag in a hard-to-reach place. If I want a cookie, then I will have (insert health option) first and decide after if I still want the cookie. If I don't want to go for a run, then I'll go for a hike instead.  Never Miss Twice Another antidote to all-or-none thinking is the practice of never missing twice.  Simply tell yourself, “I missed that one time, but I will not miss twice" and then make sure that it doesn't happen.  So this week? Considering eating habits, if you eat something you didn't want to eat (or just ate too much of something), make sure your next action, snack or meal is a healthy choice.  The sooner you get back on track, the sooner you maintain your habit loop. Outliers are just that- they are not the norm.  But if you let your outliers become the new pattern, that's where consistency breaks down. Individual mistakes rarely affect the big picture unless they become consistent.  Progress is not linear, but it's what you do next when you realize you're off track that matters!  Simply having a plan can prevent us from giving up altogether. It can be the difference in maintaining momentum (no matter how imperfect it is) or psyching yourself out and degrading your confidence in your ability to follow-through with your goals.  How to Actually Set an Achievable Goal We often hear “focus on the process and fall in love with the process, don’t think about the outcome.”  I do love this advice and it’s something I often remind myself to remember.  I can personally think of things I’ve achieved where I’d say “I’ll be happy when…” but that happiness is short-lived.  Being happy working towards doing something, doing your best, and focusing on