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The Relaxed Male
45 minutes | 3 days ago
The Grudge: The Heaviest of Weights
Join the Operation: Tears of the 22 Off the Hardball event for the veterans. WIll be happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center In the beautiful Ozark National Park Sign up Today Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I simplify life and be happy? How to always be happy? Well, I will break it to you you can and actually don't want to be happy all the time. How would it look if you were at your grandmother's funeral and you were just sitting around with a grin on your face? If you were punched in the face you don't want to be just all happy go lucky no you would be upset and rightfully so. So how do you be happy? You accept that life is 50/50. That is life is 50% pleasure and 50% pain. Now, what does pain entail, because it sounds unpleasant right? Yeah, it is anything that is unpleasant or uncomfortable. Feeling awkward is classified as pain. It's not fun feeling like a fish out of water but it is going to happen and it's going to happen often. So, you need to practice accepting that life isn’t going to be all sunshine and lollipops. That is where much of people's anxiety comes from they think they have to be happy and they aren’t they are feeling scared or awkward or uncomfortable in some way and they obsess over this fact that they don't feel like they believe they should. Now you can also mitigate your emotional being by understanding that all your emotions are not created by your environment. No, your environment has no control over you, people have no control over your emotions. They cant make you mad nor can they make you happy. You can respond to their actions. You can have a thought about what they said and if it isn’t pleasant then you can actually start working on changing the perspective as to how you are thinking. Take someone cutting you off in traffic. That person may not have seen you because he just got a call that his daughter was in an accident and is being taken to the hospital. Then again it could be that the guy is just being a jerk because he can. You don't know and you can't change his mind by honking at his car. Your emotions come from your thoughts. Your thoughts come from the circumstance you are currently in. The circumstance is nothing but fact. If there is an emotion tied to that fact that isn’t a fact it is a thought. Mrs, Johnson is being mean to me. That is a thought. I didn’t do my homework and Mrs. Johnson said I have to stay in for recess is a fact. Do you sort of understand? So how do you be happy? You choose to love others. See your world for all the opportunities you have available in your life. Writing out a list of what you are grateful for at that very moment helps a lot. Give a person the benefit of the doubt. Keep practicing allow yourself to fail from time to time. And eventually, you will start to see the rainbow cant be around without some rain. Main Topic The heaviest package you will carry You are always working on letting that grudge live in your mind. You are obsessing over what that person will do and that takes energy. You are often fooling yourself thinking that your grudge is thinking of ways to get you and they aren't thinking of you at all. Why are they bad? They cause undue stress That stress causes physical problems You are obsessing over something that often can't be fixed How do you get rid of a grudge? forgive them Let it go Write it down on a piece of paper and then burn that paper. acknowledge that this grudge isn't serving you Walk a mile in that person's shoes
38 minutes | 10 days ago
Playing The Victim Means You're Playing to Lose
Join me in helping Operation: Tears of the 22 and their first-time event over at the Byrd Adventure Center in Arkansas. This is happening between August 5-8 and are they ever putting up a bang-up event. There are going to be music and jeep rides on the many trails that span around the heart of the Ozark National Forest. on top of all that, there are going to be some amazing food trucks there to squash any hunger you have. We will also be having an auction where one of the lots is a 3-month coaching package with me! So join up and let Matt and Rich know that you are going to the event by visiting the event page Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How can you instill the understanding early on in a child's life that gang members should not be looked up to as role models and, despite its appealing nature, to walk their path would be a great misfortune? That is a great question. Now I have a firm belief as to why gangs are so attractive to young people. now I can bash the music. The songs today promote and seem to encourage lots of today's youth to look at gangs in a romanticized manner. There are all the drugs the sense of comradery. you get to have guns and the like. Yet how do you change the hearts and minds of these kids from wanting to join a dead-end street like being in a gang? To answer that We need to look at what the problem is, that problem is that there is no father in the picture. Thanks to many well-intended government programs the role of needing a father in the house has been diminished. Now when a woman gets pregnant she doesn’t have to turn to the father and say we need to raise this kid together. Instead, they turn to their rich Uncle Sam and he gives them money for food and daycare and rent and everything else that a father is supposed to provide. This keeps the men from having to grow up and face their responsibilities of providing for a family and it keeps the women from having to face their responsibilities that they need to be making better choices with their men. The people that lose out because of this lack of responsibility are the kids, especially the boys. You have a group of boys who doesn't have any strong masculine guidance in their life, therefore they turn to the closest perceived masculine and that is a bunch of grown boys who are in a gang. So they learn what it means to be a man from a bunch of people who don't know what it really means to be a man. Instead of the dad, who would know best and having that father be a constant presence in their life. These boys now have a bunch of strangers who are saying they have to do this or that to be called a man. When in reality they don't know anything about being a man because they were also taught by a bunch of grown boys instead of a grown man. So how do we change the minds of these boys thinking that gangs are cool? We get fathers to become involved in their boy's lives. It won't be easy but it is possible. If you don't have kids then start finding ways you can be involved in the lives of boys who don't have fathers. Join up and be a mentor with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It is a shift in culture which is going to be tough because today's society thinks all the good elements of a successful life are being white. Which the farthest from the truth. So there is a social change that needs to be done. How that is above my pay grade. Answer requested by Viktor Bondarchuk Main topic Today's society is one that they see who can win the race to being the biggest victim. This is why schools have safe spaces. Kids in college want to make sure they can say something without facing the repercussions of their actions. This is one reason the world so so upside down right now. Being a strong masculine man is scored and called out to be the cause of all the good that masculinity does in society. What is a victim? A victim is a person who has given up their power to someone or something else. Society is wanting it to mean that there is no blame to be given to the victim. Though many times that person actually got themselves into that predicament. A person was the victim of greedy capitalists. No, that person chose to spend their paycheck on a pair of high-top sneakers and then didn't have enough money for rent. The poor can't get out of their predicament because the patriarchy won't let them. Again no the poor often made some bad decisions that caused them to be in that environment. They can get back out again if they are willing to change their habits. Yet again you see that the poor supposedly doesn't have any power because of the patriarchy, whatever that is supposed to mean. Look at people who have been under real oppression. You see that though they are victims of that dictator they eventually decide to take back the power that they gave away and either leave that environment or gather strength and make them change themselves. To say you are a victim is to say you are powerless. Why the victim never wins This was touched on earlier, the victim cant win because they don't want their power to be able to change. Many times this means getting out of their comfort zone. The victim has to make a change in who they are or what they believe and doing so can be messy and awkward. They think that it is easier to just sit back and go poor me. Feel sorry for me because I am not able to be successful. Playing the victim means you are playing life small. You will not take the chances out of fear that you may become victimized even more. Yet this is impossible because you will have your power unless you willfully give it up again. Another reason that a victim will not be able to win is that nobody actually respects a victim. They pity and feel sorry for a victim but that isn't respect. You see a cancer patient who decided they are going to live every day to the fullest isn't a victim of their environment they are taking their power back and doing what they were afraid to do before. You see a boy who stands against his bigger and stronger bully is taking his power back. If these people were being victims they would simply give up and hand their power over to other people or their condition. Helping a victim is tiring. There are always emergencies going on, and the powerless victim wants others to put the fire out. When others don't they cry even more victimhood. The person who is helping finally realizes that the victim is actually in the problem because of their own choosing and gives up and lets the victim sit in their own mess. Not because they don't care but because they are tired of sacrificing themselves for someone they don't respect. How do you stop being the victim? The biggest way to get out of the victim mindset is to acknowledge that you got yourself into that situation. It wasn't anybody else's fault other than your own. Once you own your dirt and that you had a hand in the scenario then you can start to make the needed changes to clean up your mess. It isn't easy to change what can be at times years of victim mindset but it is possible. Your power has never left you. Your agency is still sitting in your mind you have to exercise it often and using the help of a coach or a Men's Group
71 minutes | 17 days ago
A Conversation with MJ Durkin
Special Announcement if you are a veteran of any branch of the military there is a special event going on with the guys of Operation: Tears of the 22 over at Byrd Adventure Center on August 5-8. There are going to be Jeep rides brought to you by local Jeep clubs, and giving you a chance to camp and enjoy nature, almost smack dap in the middle of the Ozark National Forest. If you are interested in joining me and other vets as we let loose go over to the event page and let Matt and Rich know that you are interested or better yet commit and say you are going. Main Event This week I have a special guest this week. We are talking with MJ Durkin from the Men of Honor Podcast. He cranks out 3 episodes each week so if that gives you any idea as to how much MJ likes to talk about what it takes to be a Man of Honor. This week I asked MJ Durking to be on the show because I am seeing men struggling with a divorce. Yeah, divorce is dirty and often unfair to the men who are involved. Yet, there are lessons that a married man can learn from a man who has gone through a divorce. There are two different paths you can take. There is the victim road or there is the way of the honorable man. So stick the earbuds in and listen to my conversation with MJ Durkin, and see that you can actually save your marriage by starting to be the man in your relationship. Facebook group; https://www.facebook.com/groups/conversationswithmen Website: https://mjdurkin.net/men-of-honor/ Instagram; https://www.instagram.com/menofhonorpodcast Website: https://mjdurkin.net/ Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/theworkindurkins
37 minutes | 24 days ago
The Folly of Happy Wife Happy Life
Mention The Operation: Tears of the 22 off the Hardball event is coming up on August 5-8 Free for veterans and their families. There are going to be Jeep clubs there for you to go rock crawling and other jeep trails. Fishing and hiking, Then there is the benefit of being our in nature. Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/tearsofthe22/ Question of the week Why does toxic masculinity exist in our society? The term toxic masculinity was a word created by people who needed a boogyman to pin their troubles on. Now with that said there is no actual toxic masculinity there are however guys who don't know how to act and the cause of this is because of a lack of strong masculine presence in these boy's lives. This is thanks to the no-fault divorce and the government coming in to play the financial part of the father role. There are many people who think with these events that men are not needed for much and that isn’t the case. Men are vital to the raising of kids and boys in particular. Men teach kids boundaries and why sticking to those boundaries is important. Men teach kids that being strong and competitive is needed for you to be successful. Men also teach their kids that hard work is imperative to being able to get what you are wanting. Men also show boys how a man is supposed to act. Without the strong male influence in a boy's life, they look to other boys who are older and don't have a father who taught them how to act. So the problem is slowly amplifying itself since the ’60s. https://qr.ae/pGTwqA Main Topic We have all heard the phrase happy wife happy life right? What does that typically mean to you or others? It seems that many people and this includes women, people completely misinterpret what this old saying means and how it is supposed to be implemented. How do you have a happy wife? You have a happy wife by making sure you let her know that you are on her side. Often we mistake this phrase to mean that if we don’t do her bidding then she will make us miserable. For many men that is true. If you don’t do something she wants you to do then there may be hell to pay in the long run. For many guys, this is essentially making it so that she has to micromanage you and this causes a reduction of respect, and that is where the problems start cropping up. That is because if your woman doesn’t respect you then she will find someone else who she can respect. Now if you are in a marriage where the wife doesn’t respect you already, sweat it but know that you are able to turn the tide and start building respect. You cannot make a person happy Now one of the biggest reasons that the saying of Happy wife is a happy life is because you absolutely can not make your wife happy. The same as she can’t make you happy, it is physically impossible. It is mentally impossible too. Your emotions are your emotions and those emotions come from your thoughts. Now you can react or respond to a person’s actions, but your thoughts are what create your emotions. For instance, if your wife tells you that you are not able to buy that new bass boat, you have the choice to be angry or to be ok with that decision. You can find a different way to acquire that new boat that will allow you to have it. Then again you can stomp around and be angry, which in my experience does no good. Sure you can pout like a 5-year-old who doesn’t get a candy bar, but you aren’t going to win your wife over to your side. She may cave but it will be with great resentment. That’s not helping your case either. You can also take the old stand by, buying flowers. You can think this will make her happy and it may very well do so. Then again it may cause her to think what did you buy now? See you can’t make her happy. She is the only one who can actually make herself feel the emotion of happiness or joy. Sorry man, you may be able to curl her toes in the bed but if she isn’t happy with herself she won’t be happy. This means to help them feel safe and secure To have a wife who is loving and engaged in your life. There are things you can do to actually ease her mind. The biggest is to help her feel safe and heard. This can be a challenge for us Mr, fix-it types because we try to do this all the time and it doesn’t work. Then we sit around and wonder why women are so hard to figure out. The key to helping her feel safe, secure, and heard is to talk. Don’t fix it, but listen till you fully understand what she is saying to you. Many people think parroting what we believe to be the key points will help, and sometimes it does. Yet it really rings true to her when you can summarise what she is saying. If she says no that’s not it or not entirely then it is time to go back and ask more questions to her until you fully understand. We also have to make sure that she feels secure. Not only financially but physically too. Now the physical part can be easy for use men, the financial part can be tricky especially when either one of you has a scarcity mindset That doesn’t mean that you do their bidding Now sadly many of us guys turn into Mr. Nice Guy thinking that this is what Happy Wife’s happy life means. This is disastrous to a relationship. Mr. Nice Guy doesn’t get any respect. He doesn’t stand for anything and that blushing bride will ride off with a biker quicker than you can say, “Yes Dear” Now if she asks you to do something you can choose to go do it for her but if you are busy then tell her, I can right now I am in the middle of this project. She will either say Ok when you are done, or she will go get it herself. Whatever you don’t just drop what you are doing and go run after it. Your wife doesn’t want a slave. If you disagree with something and you firmly believe that it will help you out. Then go for it, but don’t go behind her back. That is a trust violator and that is even harder to get back than the respect. Build integrity with her especially if the object is financial. You just spending money higgeldy Piggeldy will create more of the financial insecurity and that is shooting you in the foot. Now there are chores you will have to do and for the same reasons that the kids have to do their chores. These are things needed for the house to run properly. So if you want to help her do the dishes then good. Help her. If she asks if you can help her and you are sitting on the couch doing nothing then help her. Nothing wrong with your two teaming up to get the chores done. Help her purpose Another way you can help her is to see when she is showing interest in something and help her with that. Maybe she is wanting to start gardening. Then go find a book that will help her get the best tomato plants. If she is learning how to paint then maybe surprise her with painting lessons. This can be a challenge as it will cost some money but if it helps her find her personal spark in creativity then you are on the right path.
44 minutes | a month ago
Are You An Asset or A Liability?
If you are a veteran there is an event just for you coming August 5-8 in Byrd, AR. It is being brought to you by Operation: Tears of the 22. There will be food trucks, music, talks, and Jeep rides. If you are interested you can get more information on Facebook event page Question Of The Week How does someone adapt to not having a mother throughout their lives and not be bitter? A boy needs his mother yes. The same as a boy needs his father. The same as a girl needs both parents as well. Now why the reasons why your mother left can vary and I don’t know the reasons as to why you don’t have your mom in your life. Yet it could be that your mom wasn’t around because she died, to drug abuse, to some other very selfish reasons. People have had their mothers leave their lives for centuries and millenniums. Yet some people are able to carry on and others sit in self-pity feeling bad for themselves. Asking a question they can never answer. There are some good bits of news and some bad bits of news on this front. The Bad News Let’s get the hard part over with. Yes, your mother left you. It is sad, and you don’t have a reason why. The frustrating part of this is that you will never have a full reason why. Even if your mom is still alive, you won’t get all your questions answered. My mom left me and my dad. Now she was still in my life. So I was in a better boat Thani other people but she left my dad and me to live in a small town and she went to a large city. When I was younger there were times that I was sad that she left. Yeah, I was glad when I got to see her and knew that she loved me. Yet she wasn’t around. I went through a time of thinking it was me and I acted out in those times. really gave my stepmother a rough time. I am not proud of my past as a young man. I almost repeated the whole thing when my daughter was born. I didn’t see her first year in her life yet Thankfully I did see her and eventually had her in my house for several years till she wanted to go back to her grandmother’s house. Now I tell that whole story to explain we all adapt. How you adapt is up to you. There is very little in life you can control and the fact that you are wanting to know how to have that feeling in your life that you had a mom that cared for you. Now since I don’t know your mom I don’t know for sure but if your mom is still alive, there is a chance that she does still care about you. She may not show it in the ways you would imagine she should but that is where your resistance in life is coming from. You are shoulding on her instead of living your life to the fullest. You can’t control her actions or her thoughts. You can’t make her proud nor can you make her proud of you. The same as you can’t make your dad proud of you, or make anybody feel anything. THeir emotions cant be felt by you. Now they may perform an action to display their emotions but you can take those actions to mean anything. I would say if you had a mom how would she act? Then know that is nothing more than a manual for how our mom should operate. She will not live up to that lofty set of requirements. You have the ability to accept that your mother isn’t available. She is self-absorbed or she is homeless and drugged out of her mind. You can and need to apply all the facts you do know. You can choose to love her for all of her flaws. Yeah even if she is a tweaker living on the street. She is able to be loved. The same as you. You may think a mom should at in a certain way yet, moms are human and they will do what they want to do. You have no control over other people’s actions. Sad but true. If and when you have a 2-year-old you will learn this very quickly. They have their own agency and they want to try everything. You cant keep them from climbing the couch and jumping off the back and onto the cushions. The good news Because you don’t have a mom you can turn to right now or at any time you may feel as if you are not loved. You may feel as if you are unloveable. Have you ever really paid attention to that word loveable? Think about it. Mull it over while you read this next part. Do you remember how I said how you can’t feel other people’s emotions? The same goes for others. They can’t feel any of your emotions either. Your emotions come from your thoughts. They don’t come from the actions or events that happen to you. When a particular circumstance comes about you develop a thought about it. That thought creates an emotion. Right now you are having thoughts that are along the line that you didn’t have a mom that showed you love. Therefore you are having something in the way of thought that you are unloveable. That is simply not the case. Now let’s look at that word, loveable. Break it down Love and able. It points to exactly what I am saying you are able to love anybody you want to. The person who is in your life can be there strictly for you to love. You get all the benefits of feeling that love, and the other person can stop you. So you are you lovable? Yes because YOU are able to love. You can control your thoughts, which creates your emotions. Those emotions are for you to feel. You don’t have to feel happy and joyful all the time. In fact, it is good to feel sad and other “negative” emotions from time to time when they serve you. You don’t have to be held slave to the thought that your mother didn’t love you. You just couldn’t see her actions to show you that she loved you. You have a choice you can make. LOve those and live life to the fullest. Make the most of each day or you can choose to pine for someone who may have loved you and thought they made the best choice for what they were experiencing at that time. Main Topic There are two types of people the producer and the consumer. Do you contribute to your friends, family and work? Or do you just show up for a paycheck? The liability man is the man who just shows up for work complains the whole time he is there and expects a paycheck at the end of the pay period. While the producer is adding value to all he does. This goes for his friends and family. He is working to enrich their lives not take from it.
42 minutes | a month ago
Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I become a better father, husband, and steward of the community, despite having a rough past? by Bryan Whitson Build your 4 pillars of a good man. Your mind Read learn and grow. Learn about yourself. Read how to communicate with your son and with your spouse. As you read apply the lessons you learn. Write in a journal that way you are leaving a gift for your family. You are also able to see your improvements. Writing does a great job of cleaning your mind and empties your thoughts. with communication though know the secret to all of it is seek first to understand before you are to be understood. A good book to read is The Boy Crisis by Dr Warren Farrell. The first 3/4 of the book is great the last 1/4 gets a little iffy on some of the claims but that could just be my cognitive dissidence in action. your body exercise, build your body. I don’t mean bull up but take care of yourself. This will come in handy when your son and daughter are older. Men also need to control violence in their life, so get into jujitsu or some other physical sport. This teaches you to control and expels the excess energy that will cause you to become listless. your soul Find your passion work towards it. If you are dreaming of having your own business the do it you don’t have to blow all your savings on getting it started but work towards it. Start that journey. find something that feeds your soul maybe it is volunteering to help the homeless or working for some charity. Maybe it is building RC planes, or carving little figurines out of wood. Find a passion and stick to it. Hint what did you like to do when you were a tween or a teenager? That is a big clue to your calling. Have a hobby or something you do outdoors. This is another activity that will come in handy when your kids are older and you are wanting them to open up to you. your community Get in a church if you are religious. It doesn’t hurt to be in a church if you are not. You need a community that knows you and your family. Don’t forsake your band of brothers. Don’t stop contact with your old friends. They need you and you need them. Yeah, some will leave as you grow but you will also find others who will take their place but always have a group of men you meet with regularly. Be apart of a civic organization. Be it lions club freemasons or what. Have a group you can help be a part of something bigger than yourself. with all that you will be in a better place Main Topic Man, it is springtime and before we know it it will end up being summer. Now is the best time to get outside and start getting the benefits of being outdoors. What are some of the benefits you ask? You have vitamin D from the sun. This helps your mood and strengthens your bones. Vitamin D helps with serotonin production and the blue light helps you have a more positive outlook on life. You also get lots of fresh air when you are are outside. So it would do you good to get the better fresh air from outdoors than the polluted indoor air you have in your house. It doesn't matter if you are running a HEPA filter. Your house is still more polluted than it is in any city. The exercise you do when you are outdoors helping to get the blood flowing and clears the pores of gunk and it is said that you also sweat out some toxins that might be in your body. Does it? I really don't know but it can't hurt. Then add the fresh air and you are able to fully oxygenate your blood. How do you get outdoors? The answer is easy anywhere even in the city you can get outdoors. Yet, if you can get out in the boonies that would be better. You can go camping and see new areas of the world. The camping is really good because you can experience the 3-day effect. which happens when you camp for more than 3 days. So get outside. go camping go swim in a lake. enjoy the wonders of mother nature and all the life that it can give you.
36 minutes | a month ago
Finding Your Band Of Brothers
Announcements Announcements Workshop for Divorced Men New Gear for a better podcast - Zoom Podtrak P4 Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men Is it normal to feel discouraged about hobbies if your parents get too involved? I am going to assume that you are around the age of 14–18 years old, and still living in your parent's house. With that being the case the answer can be yeah. You are wanting to be your own person and when your parents jump into something that you like doing it is like the squares are invading a party. Yet I would encourage you to look at it in a different way. Ask yourself why they are they wanting to do what I am doing? It could be that they are wanting to monitor you and see that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Yet. it could also be that they are wanting to be in your life. They want to understand your passions and what drives you. Most of the time your boring parents are wanting to spend time with you. When they know you are in the basement working on a model RC plane they know they can come down and talk with you and learn from you. Most of the time they are wanting to spend time with you. They do love you and want to have as much time as possible with you before you leave the nest and live your life. Try asking them why they are showing interest. When they ask annoying questions take it as you are able to teach your parents something. Main Topic Define who you want to be your friend Who is your 3 am people? WHo do you look for? No, they don’t have to all think like you They need to have the same drive. Helps if you all can meet at the same time Where do you find people who could be in Your band of brothers? Church Social Gatherings Community events Civic Organizations Clubs Fraternity organizations Meetups
32 minutes | 2 months ago
The Need For a Band Of Brothers
Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men What is the best way to become a good father to a teenager you just met? Now I don't know all the details so let's do this in two parts. Those parts will be the most likely scenarios, This is your stepson and a boy in your neighborhood. Stepson If the boy is your stepson then your role isn’t the disciplinarian. This isn’t really gonna work for two reasons the teenager doesn’t have that type of bond with you. The other reason is that the biological parent will eventually take offense to you disciplining their child. They may be ok with it at first but they will eventually take the child's side. So thinking you are going to be the lord of your manor is out the window. Your role is to be a mentor. In fact, this role really needs to be what all parents are for their teenagers. They're at the point now that have a mind and they have free will and trying to herd them like they are 8 simply makes the rebellion in then go harder the other way. To mentor the teen, include them in your life. Talk to them but don't lecture. Seek first to understand what they are saying before you ever try to be understood. The understood part will come but if you just do the hardest thing possible and just listen they will actually turn to your for advice before they turn to the moron friends. The kid in the Neighborhood For the kid in the neighborhood if you are wanting to help a young adult out you may want to involve their mother in the discussion because if you don't have her on board you will be fighting an uphill battle because the mom may feel that you are trying to take her child away. When in all reality you are just trying to inject some strong masculine influence into his life. When she is on board then you again include the kid in your life. invite them to go camping. If you are going on a hike then share your time as freely as you can. Again like the stepchild you are a mentor. You don't have the power to discipline. So you have to talk to them and listen to what they are saying. Understand what is coming out of their mouth and let them ask for advice. Answer requested by James F Evans Main Topic Men and their Band of Brothers On average I have heard that the average man has only 1 or maybe 3 good friends he can turn to. This is a truly sad state for men. We don't surround ourselves with those who can push us and encourage us to do the hard things that make us great. Instead, w sit behind a computer screen and have sort of friends. Yeah, you may have some people you play games with, but how much do you know about those people? Yes, there are those people who have very close relationships with others who they have never seen personally. How many people can you talk to about a deep fear you have in your mind? Do you have someone with you who can share the intimate details of a dream you have? Who many people can you call at 3 in the morning and know they would be there to help? That number is sadly pretty small. Then tag on the Men Going Their Own Way movement and you start having a lot of lonely people who have no one to turn to when they are struggling. So you have a Band of Brothers? Why do men need friends? I look at my son Jayden, and he is actually got a small band of brothers. They actually choose to meet every weekend and just talk. They share what they are doing in their lives. There are talks of what they are pursuing in their dreams and they challenge each other. More men need this very type of interaction. Men need friends because we are not solitary creatures. Yeah some of us may be introverts yet from mental health to achieving their dreams you need the power of your band of brothers to help you along the way. There is strength in An odd question right to ask but it has been asked a few times on quora and in other places. Why do men need This is the problem of the whole MGTOW Movement No man is an island There are things men can do that women cant Men need the support of other strong men Men need other men to push them real friends Your 3 o'clock list Why is it important? There is a special level of trust
34 minutes | 2 months ago
Do Words Have Power?
Question of the week by Brotherhood of Men Why am I getting angry over small things and ending up so much frustrated and at last beating myself or beating others? Well, there are a few points that can help you stop getting angry all the time. The first, is to know what is the opposite of love? It's not anger nor is it often thought of as being hate. The true opposite of love is fear. Fear destroys while love builds. The second is nobody can do anything emotionally to you. They can not make you mad. They cant make you happy. They cant make you nervous. All these emotions you feel come from one thing a thought you had. Now you may have been in a situation that created a thought that generated a particular emotion. The solution is simple but it takes a lot of practice. Start paying attention to what you are thinking. Look at and try to understand what thoughts you have under different circumstances. If you are having trouble with this and you are always jumping to something in your past you may want to see a counselor, to address why past thoughts are your go-to response. Many times when you do “thought work” realize what thought is causing the anger you cant start working on changing that thought and trying to examine the why around that thought. You can see that there are other ways to approach that same circumstance and they can also be very positive. If you find that you are taking minor actions and comments and making them mean something personal and getting angry that way. Then you can seek out a coach or someone of that nature so they can help you with your thought work. There are a few ways you can mitigate anger when you are in the moment that you find yourself getting worked up over something. Take a step back deep breathes talk to a friend Changing your overall mindset is also something that can help with your anger issues. Exercise, not just a push-up or two but get into physical exercise like JuJitSu some type of controlled violence. If you don't have anything like that around you then find a good 50 lbs rock and story throwing it up and down your yard. Run bleachers but do it aggressively. Gratitude journal Each morning or each evening write down 5 things you are grateful for. This helps change your mind from a scarcity mindset to an abundant mindset. People with abundant mindsets see the world as an opportunity and not as a wasteland. So it is harder for them to want to waste energy on something like getting angry. Stop watching the news The biggest cause of anger for the world. They write to keep you watching or reading, it is not for your benefit it is for theirs. You can still find out what happening around you without FOX or MSNBC barking at you to be outraged at everything idiots we elected are doing. Find a purpose This is a huge one. If you have a purpose you will not want to waste all of your time and energy on frivolous emotions like anger. You have a mountain to climb and you are the only person who can do it. Main Topic Do words have power? Sort of but not really. We often want to think that words have power do because it is easier to not have to take responsibility for our own actions. Abara Cadabra has the power to delight a child. Yet if you say Crucio that kids won’t suddenly become racked with pain. (Harry Potter reference) Why doesn’t the unforgivable curse of Crucio not work? If words have power would they not exert the effect you want them to have? What are words? They are vibrations created by our mouth
29 minutes | 2 months ago
Men Need A Purpose
Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I become stronger after a breakup? In the last 2 years I've had my heart broken twice… how do I begin to feel worthy again? How do you become stronger? Much like you become stronger physically you have to work on it. There are different fields you want to turn your attention to. Like your arms, legs, and chest. You have to work on 4 main pillars. Now I don't know if you are a man or a woman and these pillars really don't apply to just one sex but work for both. With my coaching clients, I walk them through the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. These 4 pillars are The Man’s Mind Man’s Body Man’s Soul Man’s Community Whenever someone goes through a breakup or divorce, people want to slide into a victim mindset. That is the worst thing you can do. It may seem tough but remember it takes two to tango. So, You had a hand in the breakup too. So it is best to work on yourself. Make yourself the number one priority and work on the 4 pillars. Your Mind - This is where you learn. You need to start reading non-fiction books. Listening to podcasts about something that interests you. Start allowing yourself to grow. Focus on yourself by doing thought work on what are the similarities of both of these last two breakups. You may see that you are finding similarities in the type of partner you are teaming up with. Could be that you are going after someone who is pushing you to go against your values. Then again you may be the one who is doing the pushing. Either way, if you take time to think about it you will see similarities in how the relationship crumbled. If you find that you are the problem, awesome! Celebrate that because you have control over it. You are the only person who you can change. So work on yourself. Get better at understanding the why. Accept that your happiness comes from only one place you. It is actually impossible for you to make another person happy. Things in your life cant make you happy. Losing weight cant make you happy. You have to find that thought that makes you happy because your emotions come from your thoughts. Find ways to make yourself uncomfortable. You grow only when you are out of your comfort zone. Your Body - This one is easy in comparison. Get into shape. Eat right. Come to love your body as the vessel that is transporting you around your space. So strenuous activities. Embrace the feeling of soreness. This is part of getting out of your comfort zone Your Soul - Start being creative. Find a hobby or some other activity that excites you. It may be that you start going to the soup kitchen and feeding the homeless. It may be that you take up writing again. Then again you may decide to venture into sculpting or painting. Be creative. You are a creator, and your soul hungers for you to do your passion. Your Community - This is probably the hardest of all the pillars. We are most likely going to neglect our community the most. Even the most die-hard introvert has a community. You need to grow it. Join a church if you don't have one. If a church seems repulsive to you, ok find a civic organization you can be apart of. This will expand your network and help you stay out of your comfort zone. You will be among people and they will help you grow too. Finally, when you do find another person you want to get closer to, don't stop working on your pillars. The reason a person falls in love with you is because of the passion you bring to yourself. That passion and drive are like a candle and when you stop that candle will dwindle. Main Topic Men need a purpose. If not then they start making purposes. They will take up causes that seem noble at the time. Then invariably not take the time to think things through and wind up in a place you don’t like. You will find yourself in waters much too deep. Men need a purpose. Jake Angeli Qshaman is a failed actor who was living with his mother. Even in jail, he feels entitled to certain liberties, such as eating all organic. He has a self-service purpose Edgar Maddison Welch had his older brother die, and according to the available information, this caused him to develop a sense of needing to protect those vulnerable. So he did have a purpose but he really didn’t’ pursue it. He is a struggling dock worker but could have gone into the police or the military. He tried being a fireman but gave it up. He had a noble purpose but didn’t follow through What is a purpose? the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. This is what drives you to get up. You are doing something that fulfills you. That purpose feeds your soul and gives you the drive to keep on. Men need a why. When you don’t have a solid why. If you don’t you will latch onto anything that sounds slightly reasonable. You will follow a person who has ulterior motives Why do you get out of bed in the morning? A purpose enhances a mans life - This is the need for men to feed their soul A purpose isn’t anything like fame. Many people think they have to get famous or become some type of influencer and that is completely out of order. That is like starting a job for the first time wondering why you aren’t the CEO. Your purpose causes you to be an influencer. You may not influence many people but when you have a very clear why. Fame doesn’t even enter the equation.
28 minutes | 2 months ago
Using Affirmations Correctly
Question of the week By The Brotherhood of Men What is the motivation behind people that voluntarily choose to become parental figures to others even without solicitation? https://qr.ae/pNE9rO Why do affirmations work? Affirmations much like the power of I am, which is an affirmation in itself helps to set your mind into motion what it does best that is making sure it reaches that goal. They affirm a set of beliefs those beliefs can be positive or negative. The reason they work is that you believe what you are saying. So if you believe you have plenty of money for everything you truly want, you know that you don’t have to actually have a scarcity of mindset around money. If you say there is more where that came from you are just doubling up on that thought. If you say you are fat, guess what, you are going to get fat. If you say you are a fit man you will take the steps to make sure that your body fits the image of yourself. If you are a photographer you will Examples of Affirmations It’s kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney I attract all good things I have plenty of money for everything I truly want I have a choice. I can be angry for what I don’t have or I can be thankful for what I do have. I can not correct my course if I am standing still I am committed to becoming more successful. To do so, I will put my focus on how I can serve others more successfully. I want to cheer on those people living life alongside me Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. I will not focus on what I don’t want to have happen. Instead, I am committed to focusing on what I do want to have happen. I am successful because I refuse to take “no” for an answer. How to use affirmations Your brain is a computer. As you make statements, be it positive or negative it will take those statements and make those items important. This is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Also called the green car phenomenon. That is where you decide to buy a new car and that car ends up being a green Toyota Corolla. After you pull off the lot suddenly you start to see green Toyota corollas everywhere. This is because your brain has decided that green Toyota Corolla’s are important and must bring those cars to the forefront of your thought. This same thing happens when you are doing affirmations., It lets your computer brain know that You are not going to worry about money. Or that you are not going to eat as much. You are more interested in losing weight than you are in eating another crueler. The most crucial part of any affirmation is that you have to believe that it is true. That is one reason why so many negative affirmations work because we already believe them when we say them to ourselves. Misconceptions of affirmations That it is just faking it till you make it? Not really, I can be if you don’t believe in what you are saying. But if you believe that you’re a fit man with too much weight on your frame you will make the needed adjustments to fit that mindset. If you are just saying an affirmation and you don't wholly believe it then you just talking to the wind.
38 minutes | 3 months ago
What Can You Control?
Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men What's the best way of handling a teenager’s mood swing? Main topic We struggle with controlling things. Many times we try to control the stuff we can’t control. This often leads to lots of different types of suffering. We get angry and show frustration with those things that we are not able to control but really wish we could. What can you control? There are things in your life that you can actually control. These items can be broken down into three categories. Those categories are your actions, your thoughts, and your emotions. Your actions Taking a breath How you hold yourself How you lead The quality of your work Taking responsibility for your part in the scenario Your thoughts Your integrity Gratitude What you say to yourself Whether you play the victim or not Your emotions Happy Sad Anger Gratitude What you can’t control? There are far more things you can’t control that is going on in your life and these can cause so much extra pain and suffering when you try to control them. We worry about how something will react and will not act in that fashion at all. Your environment Other people, that includes your kids The actions of Other people Why controlling things beyond your control leads to suffering Trying to control stuff creates worry Stress anxiety
42 minutes | 3 months ago
Are You an Attractive Person?
Question of The Week By The Brotherhood Of Men I wonder ...do know or have contact with anyone that helps single parents pull in the missing element of a mother or father energy in parenting as a single parent or co-parent? Andrea Fitzpatrick How do single parents help their child with the opposite sex influence? This can be single mothers with sons or single fathers with daughters. This also goes for single fathers needing to find A feminine influence for their sons and Girls need a masculine influence in their life. The best way is to find someone who is of that nature that you are needing and ask them if they would mind being a mentor for them. So why do sons need both masculine men and feminine women in their lives? It is for balance. Men are good at teaching kids to be tough. That there is, a time and a place for showing emotions and how to act around men. While women are good at helping kids to emote and to gain empathy. As I have mentioned before Men are not better than women and women are not better than men. They complete the whole puzzle. That is what feminists get wrong. That is what men going their own way get wrong. Are we supposed to understand the opposite sex? Not fully, no. Each half has a part to play and those parts are important for all of society. So where do you find someone of the opposite sex to help make sure your child is balanced? Well, a great place is a church. Another place is in your neighborhood. If you don't know your neighbors why not? Get out and introduce yourself. Get to know your neighbors and you will expand your wellspring for helping matters such as this. Linkedin Profile Main topic Now I am not talking about normal physical attraction. Do you have any of these attributes? Whiner This is the person who is either always feeling sorry for themselves, and whining about how much they suck or the person who can't see anything positive The Ask-Hole This is the person who always wants advice but doesn't really want advice. They will always re-ask the question in a new way. Yet they never take that advice or steps you suggest for them to get better. These people are always looking for sympathy in a very people pleaser way. They often want to make people feel important by asking questions though they never really intend on fixing the problem. The Problem Magnet I talked about this last week. This person always has a problem in their life. Often seen as a perpetual victim and sadly they like the attention of having a problem. They want people to feel sorry for them a pat on the back and words of encouragement. The Mooch I was this for a long time. I took and took and took and rarely contributed back. This can be financial moochers for also emotional moochers. They always seem to be just a touch short on time and funds. You can't expect them to even try to pay back because they The Liar You can't trust much if anything that they say. These people will often stretch the truth to fit their needs. If they are caught they work hard to make up another lie to fit that old lie. These people work way too hard in their life because they have so many plates spinning and act as the victim because nobody believes them. The Clinger We all know that one needy child. They cant be alone. Sometimes this is called the clinger. It is good to feel needed but when you are always around 24/7 and you can't do anything alone. All because the clinger is there almost from the moment you appear to the time you leave. These people often are also people-pleasers The People Pleaser This person will do anything to get you to like them. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Yet the People Pleaser is one of the most unattractive people because of the manipulation you will come across. They will lie. They will overbook. They will invade your personal space. They will be the ask-hole. They will do anything to get you to like what they do but it will be hollow. They hide their personality. They won't share their own thoughts in a discussion. They won't accept a person as they are they want to make that person like them. The worst part is that you will accept them at first they are like a Monet painting. Beautiful at first but the close you look at them the bigger mess emotionally they become. So IF you find yourself with any of these attributes find a way to change. It is possible. You can get a coach or join a men's group and let them know what you are wanting to change. They can help hold you accountable by being aware when you are being an ask-hole or a people pleaser. You can start to become a very attractive person just by making changes from these types of people. Contact Bryan Email - Bryan@relaxedmale.com Contact Bryan
28 minutes | 3 months ago
Are You a Problem Magnet?
I bet you know someone who is a problem magnet. Maybe you are a problem magnet. What is a problem magnet you ask well the definition is quite simple it is that person who is always complaining about something going wrong in their life? Who’s a problem magnet? Always has a problem Has trouble letting go of problems Actively seeks out problems These are people who always have a crisis in their life Complaining is announcing that you want crap in your life Why do people become problem magnets? They like the attention Victim mindset They are used to the chaos of a problem How do you stop being a Problem magnet? Own your dirt Stop Complaining Be grateful for what you have Have a Question for Bryan? Email: email@example.com
29 minutes | 3 months ago
The Recipe for Happiness
Question of the Week by The Brotherhood Of Men I have low self-esteem, short height, no talent, no skills, average intelligence, and bad social skills. What do I do? How can you find happiness? Many people seem to think that they cant be happy. That is probably true. The reason they can't find a way to be happy is that they don't know the recipe for happiness. The Recipe Now, this isn't my recipe, and I didn't get it from my grandmother or anything. I am not really sure who I got this from but I believe I heard this from Ryan Michler of Order of Man. Yet the recipe is sound. Because you get out of life what you put into it. 1 Part Discipline Yeah, this is the hard part. You have to learn to hold off the short term success for the reward of being disciplined. Many times we want to reach for the cookie on the counter instead of going for the lower weight. Discipline is not always comfortable. Yet if you accept the discipline you will find that the discomfort isn't that bad. Holding off the short term reward for your long term gain will offer so many better skills for your life. So Why Discipline? Because in real life order is needed. Look at those people who are actually lacking discipline or just want to live life on a whim. You see they really don't get anywhere. Having discipline is like the rudder in your life. You are willing to do what is needed to get to your goals. IF you are just floating along the river of life without a rudder you may get to where you are wanting but those chances are very very unlikely. 1 Part Purpose You have to have a drive. Having a purpose in doing something is the gas in your tank. You need to know why you are going after that particular goal. You need to see what that goal is and have a clear picture of what it will look like when you get there. Find your purpose and remind yourself daily on your why. 2 Parts Gratitude This is the leavening agent for your life. Gratitude is what sets your mindset to the growth and Abundant mindsets. You are willing to try because you see that even when you fail you are learning. Your attitude is more positive and your life is no as hard. You can endure the discomfort of the discipline. When you have gratitude.
21 minutes | 4 months ago
Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself
Main Topic How can you tap into the power of your mind? The answer is the question. How many times have you asked yourself useless questions? Like why am I fat? or Can I make a dumber question? The reason those are useless is that they go against what you are wanting to be answered. The great computer Your mind is a great computer and if you ask it a question it will find the answer to that question you ask. So, if you do ask why are so dumb it will find all the reasons you have a low IQ. If you ask why you are fat it will give you all those reasons and that will reinforce your overweight problem. Ask Powerful Question What does this make possible? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the next step I can take? What am I grateful for? What Am I going to get accomplished tomorrow?
43 minutes | 4 months ago
A Conversation with Jayden - Ep 59
This week I talk to my son Jayden about growing up and the challenges he faces. What he thinks is needed for you to be able to succeed. We talk about when he was growing up to when he discovered that rebelling doesn't serve all the time but why kids do rebel. How do young men of today need to do to reach their dreams and how do they approach life? They do want meaning and purpose much as many people do.
34 minutes | 4 months ago
Main Topic What do does it mean to hold space? You may have heard people say this from time to time and it sounds a bit odd. Holding space. How could one possibly hold space for yourself or anybody else? That is what I want to actually help you understand this week. How do you hold space for anybody including yourself? What do I mean by holding space? In a nutshell, holding space is not acting right off the bad. We jump in to help our wives when they are having a hard day. We are trying to fix a problem and in reality, they don't want us to fix it they want us to help hold space for them. Holding space is just being there for the other person. You can also call it being present. Be fully with a person, not just sit by them and think of the camping trip. Holding space means you are present with your mind body and with emotions. This is something we guys have a hard time doing because we are looking for solutions we are fixers. Yet as a skill it helps us to connect with our wives on a deeper level. It provides us with the ability to help her feel emotionally safe. When our wives feel emotionally and physically safe they are more receptive to wanting to be frisky. Many times when we are not holding space we make comments that cause our spouse or kid to feel judged and though there are times and places to for placing judgment on an activity it isn't when someone is being emotionally vulnerable and needing your help. So how do you hold space for someone or even yourself? Holding Space Focus your listening Hear what they are saying many times we hear with our own thoughts. This can be a challenging task, and to keep focused on what and how a person is saying something can really be a challenge. Yet if you can develop the skill of being present and listening you can make strides that man men fail at doing. Stay out of problem solving mode Yes men it isn't about the nail. Guys, we know all about this and we feel the man if that classic video "It's Not About the Nail" This hits both sides of the man and woman dynamic so well. She knows there's a nail in her forehead but she doesn't want to have the nail removed she wants to talk about it. https://youtu.be/yWcEhtg7W3s That is what it's like to not jump to fix-it mode. just hear what your son or your wife is saying and connect with them on a different level instead of just running into a room with your tool belt on. > Take yourself out of the equation What would you do if you were in their shoes? Well in all reality it doesn't matter. Your experience would be completely different than your wife's experience. If you want to understand what she is talking about sit and listen and take yourself out of the equation. even is you are a part of the equation put a blank placeholder in your stead. Remove yourself from the story and look at it from a third-party perspective. Hold back the judging THis can be tough. Hear what they have to say get all the evidence first. Then don't just point out their shortcoming right off the bat. You may help lead them to the point where they take responsibility for their part of the scenario. Jumping in and say "I don't believe you" is like taking what they are saying wading it up and wiping your backside with it and then tossing it in the trash. Hold off on judging them while you are holding space. Notice the emotions you feel You are going to experience different emotions as the other person is talking. Notice them and turn back to the person. You don't have to act on that emotion right away.
36 minutes | 4 months ago
Question of the week by The Brotherhood Of Men. I handled all the finances. The kids well being, cleaned, full time career, still got told I wasn’t enough. So it’s really just up to what the woman thinks anonymous There is so much that is wrong with this comment first the guy is making the comment from a victim mindset. He does all of these things for the family and is getting no recognition or respect. This is sad but my question is what is his part of the situation. From what I was able to gather from the comment itself is that he is playing the nice guy and is setting up silent contracts about the situation with his wife and she is tired of him not stepping up and doing his part. Instead of hiding from his marital duties the gentle man needs to start stepping it up or he is going to lose everything and probably blame the wife. Main Topic This week talking about respect and how do you get it. I start of with asking the important question of who are you trying to gain respect from? It may not serve you to try to get Ed from accounting's respect when you work in R&D. After that we venture into the trouble with respect is that you can take a lifetime to build up your respect and only one instance of losing integrity to have all that you work for come crashing down. Finally we talk about what is needed to build respect with others. You need consistancy-Be dependable. much like an old ford,- make the adventures of learning something new fun and people will be more willing to follow. If you fail at something take it as a learning experiance and move on. you have to make sure you are going to be where you say you are and do what you say you are going to do. You have to be constant with your words and how you use them. If you become eratic people have a hard time trusting you. Own your dirt - We make mistakes all the time. but if youif and when you do then own your dirt. Fessup to your srew up. Trying to point fingers at other people doesn't build respect. They only make others fear that you are going to blame them for your shortcomings next. Be open to learning Speak your mind
41 minutes | 5 months ago
Find Your System for Success
If you have followed this blog for a while you know I am big on setting up goals but I really suck at keeping them. I have claimed more than once I am an average man but I am becoming extraordinary. The reason I say this is because I am in the same boat you are. Maybe you are listening to this in 5 years down the road and you are thinking I could never get to where I am and that is going to be true if you keep telling yourself those types of lies. Yet If you have seen my record for keeping and completing my goals You know that I have failed time and time again. So many may think that I need to just give up on making goals. That is the farthest from the truth. I have reviewed the past 3 years of this blog. I have tried different ways to keep my goals in mind and going. Yet if you see my goals of 2020 were gone way gone. So how am I going to keep my goals this year? I am focusing on the system. The means more than the end would be a better way to put it. I know what my objective is and instead of the end goal, I am going to have 365 mini-goals that are meant to get me closer to the end goal. Weight Loss – Man’s Body For instance, my weight loss is going to be walking 15 minutes each day. At the end of the day before I get into the shower I am going to do a total of 20 pushups 20 sit-ups/crunches. Then do maybe 20 burpees. Doing this each day is a completion of my daily goal and this should get me closer to my target goal. More visitors – Man’s Soul Getting a hundred visitors a day is my goal still. I haven’t gotten that far yet but I am way farther than I was last year and even closer to having that amount than I was the year before that. So I am making progress and that is because I have had a system in place for increasing reads and visits. Sometimes I really hit it off as I did with my Neverending story article. That post actually brings in more visitors than my old video post. So, I am trying some new tactics that will be implemented this next year to incorporate pop culture and how you can see the philosophies in action Maybe More Video’s – Man’s Soul Now this one I haven’t really developed any system for and I am processing how I can fit this into my very tight weekends. I would like to make more videos again. I didn’t make any for the past few years and I actually miss them. I would like to start fitting live streams into the process too. Again I have to do some thought work on how to fit this into my weekends. Better Networks – Man’s Soul & Community Now I have noticed one problem that has risen over and over again with each business I have tried to start. I don’t talk to people. That whole build it and they will come? doesn’t really work. Yeah, I get people to stop by my site but the information isn’t giving you enough trust in who I am, yet. I am going to change that. The system that I am going to have in place is to talk have 5 people go through the FORM of communication progression. I learned this just recently from the Dream Think Do podcast. FORM stands for From/Family – Where are you from? Who do you know? Talk about specific topics about that area that the other person is from. Occupation – What do you do for a living? Recreation – What do you like to do in your spare time? Motivation – What are your dreams? I want to do this 5 times a week. I would do more and it is possible to do more. If I can then I will. I just want a minimum much like how I write. Saturdays are my day for writing but I try to write a little each day. So I can talk to people and get a relationship started. The more I can talk to these strangers and get to know them the more chances I have to build a professional relationship with them. Going To Church – Man’s Community This sounds easy. It is every Sunday morning so it shouldn’t be hard to make it to church once a week. Yet there are so many times that I can come up with excuses as to why I can’t go. Yet this is the one thing I feel I absolutely need to do. It will help me on two fronts. Getting to know more people, and actually have the possibility of growing my business through the skills I developed while in church. So How do you make a system? Well, the honest truth is I am not fully sure I am figuring this out myself. Yet I have a belief that it is baby steps. Think of the goal you want to accomplish. Is it to have a new car. Then set up the goal. Then think of every obstacle you will face. Write those possible worries and obstacles down. You then have enough information to actually set up your system. If it is enough to buy a new car then you may choose that each pay period you set aside $100 or maybe 10% of your paycheck. Rinse and repeat till you have enough for the car you want. As you see there really isn’t a deadline as much as you know what the goal is. Your successes are in working the system instead of forgetting the goal. You are taking those baby steps each time you work the system. You get 1% better that is all you need to do. 1% and you will eventually get ahead of those who are sitting at home watching Netflix and not getting better. With that getting better you draw the attention of your wife and your son. Eventually, they wonder what is happing to you and they start to pay attention.
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