61 minutes | Apr 26, 2021

Episode #6: Setting Limits?

0:30  King Solomon: “Don’t remove the boundaries of eternity.”

We have to reexamine boundaries and conventions, but not abandon them wholesale

Einstein regret: relativity leads to relativism

Balance respect for the past with a progressive eye to the future

3:15  All of psychology is about setting limits

Why do we have so much trouble with it?

Human beings are lazy, so we try to avoid difficult decisions

We try to set our default between generosity and self-care

7:00 Commands, demands, and requests

10:00  Embarrassment over being seen as irresponsible or out of control

As parents and as members of society, we do have the right and the responsibility to give rebuke, but also to deliver it civilly

13:30  How do we decide what limits we set for ourselves in all aspects of our lives?

Don’t act out of anger but out of principles

Balance self-respect against social expectations

16:00 Using diplomacy to give rebuke

We don’t want to be the police

Ask for helpfulness rather than coming with complaints

18:00 We want others to take responsibility for themselves and feel resentment if we’re forced to remind them to be responsible

Managing the minor conflicts so they don’t escalate is what life’s all about

If I give you rebuke I’m really saying I believe in you and your ability to do better

21:30 How do we feel about taking a back seat so others can shine?

When we know we’re being watched, we watch more carefully

Zoom etiquette

27:00 The sacrifices of others reminds us to take more responsibility ourselves

29:00 Political polarization draws lines that separate us from one another

James Carville and Mary Matlin

Politics is today’s religion, so we see each other as heretics

33:00 Civic responsibility is an expression of character

34:30  Word of the day:  compartmentalization

We create boxes in our minds so we can simultaneously hold two ideas that are incompatibles

We have to accommodate people with different values for society to function

38:00 https://www.ted.com/talks/daryl_davis_why_i_as_a_black_man_attend_kkk_rallies?

39:45 Challenge: how might you engage someone who has values you can’t abide?

When are we justified in cutting ourselves off from people?

42:00 Randy Pausch, Last Lecture: https://www.ted.com/talks/randy_pausch_really_achieving_your_childhood_dreams

45:00 It takes courage to evaluate our own reactions to others

47:00 Trying to be everything to everybody doesn’t work

Parents need to allow their children to test boundaries without stifling them

Life’s contradictions and paradoxes are meant to be managed, not resolved

49:00 What can you do to reach out to someone distant from you?

What are our options?

52:00 We learn more from discussing our differences:  constructive disagreement.

54:00 The value of an accountability partner.

Embrace disagreement.

Thank heaven for difficult people.

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