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Have you ever wanted a pillow for your face? We talk about that, AncestryDNA, Greek orgies, sending your parents to a retirement home, having kids, lab-grown meat, the shame of getting swabbed, peeing into the drain in the middle of the sauna, being watched & listened to through your phone, Eminem's old songs, trap, being 'bad' in high school, looking after future self, no-spending challenges, getting low stats at work, a fake half-brother, distant cousins, becoming a nun, nasty strip-clubs, ugly babies, losing your soul at work, being homeless, everything being a joke, ripping ass in a hot car, shaving your conchita, pink pubes, shower chairs, f*cking on a water bed, finding older men attractive, finding comfort in bad patterns of behavior, swingers, the consequences of addicting everyone to their phone, Myspace, meditating & f*cking, trying anal, and blowing Jesus.

Happy holidays y'all! In this episode, we talk about walking awkwardly, balding, crocodile boots, old-school Mexican entrances, losing touch with family members, eating asado, how hot the year was, learning how to play the keyboard, our former guitar teacher Mr. Pugh, window-shopping on Amazon, Gamefly, EA Sports FIFA, Topspin, Castlevania, Fate/ Stay Night, Dragon Ball Super, Attack on Titan, The Final Countdown, the new Avengers movie, buying a PS4 Pro, traveling to Mars, hitting your head, & cute dogs on Instagram. 

We're back! Join us as we discuss crazy deaths, the crisis in Venezuela, finger-popping, creeps in Hollywood, car accidents, Flicks Pizza, and being too lazy to shop for groceries.

Would you rather lose your life partner or lose your mom? We discuss that difficult question, The Green Hornet, unavailable videos in your country, being scared to death, cultural appropriation, being paisa, having ultra-religious family members, Catholicism vs other versions of Christianity, tracing our roots, making things sound Japanese, Michael Hastings, finally getting my PenSimple, Spiderman Homecoming, stealing baby names, the world's most expensive dog, live NSA hacking & how information is gathered about you, Sabina Altynbekova, being late from lunch, the cost of phone towers in the middle of nowhere, picking between a dead baby & three dead adults, cats swallowing needles, Drank the dog, throwing up on yourself, losing your sex organs vs gaining 200 pounds, doing something horrible vs having people think you did something horrible, having no penis vs having 5 penises, Blue Eyes White Dragon, losing your life partner vs losing your mom, time travel, Adam Sandler & alternate timelines, celebrity crushes, going blind vs being deaf, being a wizard vs being a vampire, angry drivers, teenage overconfidence, Game of Thrones season 7, knowing when the mint is going to hit you too hard & the highest we've been, and thinking reality is fake. If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this mess.

Not all dolphins are serial rapists, but some are. We dab to SpongeBob, and talk about weird annunciations, Wheeler Walker Jr., a pit bull home invasion, sh*tty neighbors, chasing after the shot-girl, dancing with old ladies, hitting on the most beautiful woman Mary Jane's ever seen, smoking cigarettes in high school, $0.25 beer, throwing up at Jack in the Crack, inviting nurses out for drinks, cubed bread, learning how to shave, complimenting a Korean lady, cheap Asian groceries, preferring pretty lesbians, crying openly, butts vs boobs, what attracts women to men, homemade kombucha, weird YouTube channels, trypophobia, phobias in general, burned alive vs stabbed to death, the anabaptists & the Münster Rebellion, medieval torture, the honest brutality of nature, verifying one's century of birth, the rush of having kids, time & life, f*cked up family members, camping, Mexican uncles, & Mexican sleeping habits.   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this mess.

I want to play a game. After dating for a long time, how well do we truly know our partners? We put our (often limited) knowledge of our partners' lives, thoughts, fears, & dreams, to the test in this unstructured & messy game show episode.    If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this mess.

Would you still love your child if they were a murderous killer? In other words, which is better, unconditional love, or love that is a choice? We discuss that, and much more.   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

How would you react if you found your parent's porn stash? Tune in to find out! (Just kidding; you don't have to, but you should)   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

Three shots of rum didn't get us drunk, but they definitely gave us a buzz. We talk about firing people, flings at work, impeachment, outlandish houses we can't afford, loud neighbors, stickers, Mexican politics, the founding of USA, living next to a military base, vaguely knowing history, living past 100, the creation of millionaires, our fleeting French, the comfort is a simple life in a little town, getting sick while on vacation, Mayan pyramids, kidnappings & a 'chilling' 911 call, natural disasters, mass extinctions, & the baffling nature of space.   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

Have you ever thought the sun was a UFO? We talk about that, hitting on girls when you barely meet them, crazy lovers, how women appreciate compliments from other women more than from men, being too white for IDs, all the work that goes into dat ass, spiting your enemies by looking good, procrastinating, annoying neighbors, legitimate reasons for moving out in a day, secret meth-heads, fitting cocaine into your diet, Drag Race, being triggered (for real), assuming someone's appearance based on their nickname, wanting your friends to peg you, having your mom buy you clothes, strange asian-store habits, duck eggs, being too weak to open jars, the worst vehicle to show up to parties in, double-seat bikes (or whatever they're called), masturbating as you drive, dreams of a future barn, almost getting hit with a hammer, hard labor (kind of), 14 year old parties at Mary Jane's old house, invading your kid's privacy, crying over the phone over heartbreak, retarded ponies, farting on the first sleepover, f*cking with bees, thinking a spider bit you, almost blowing up your microwave, & the origins of 69.99.   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness. 

Why are relationships typically dependent on the possession of one another? We discuss that, and about 87 other things. It seems exact, but I didn't actually count, so let's pretend like that number is correct.   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

Drunk. Sloshed. Wasted. Inebriated. Tanked. Totaled. Plastered. Bashed. Lit. That basically says it all.   If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

Not all nipples are created equal #salaminipples. We talk about that, liberal arts degrees, going back to school, Mary Jane's shenanigans in class, a very liberal professor, not shampooing your hair, cold showers, explaining weed to your mom, being lucky, our 4/20 celebration, the illuminati, drunk arguments with passive-aggressive parents, sucking dick as a means to attain freedom, not knowing what to say after laughing, staring at people, having to wash your hair at a friend's house, child nicknames, motherly advice to your tomboy daughter, being too drunk to hook up, timing your trip to the restroom, space porn, meeting hot singles near your area, ordering lesbian porn on cable, odd purchases at sex shops, shocking your hand to wake up, tips for boob growth from tv, being boob shy, having an extra nipple to play with, regrowing body parts, TITTY WRANGLING, the origins of our last names, terrible fart jokes, average amounts of guy-farting, feeling dumb for being angry, exaggerating about spiders & bugs, IPAs being gross, accidentally sitting on your balls, bright white ass, dyeing your pubes, talking about serious topics with your partner, & scatting. If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

What's the price of dignity? Would you have a sugar daddy/momma? We talk about that, the origins of Santa Claus, being white as kids, Fancy Panch's past in jalapeño-picking, not knowing what drinks to get at a bar, good quality plastic, classy alcoholism, throwing up, being addicted to the other coke, experienced rolling, drug preferences, control, expressing emotion, Fancy Panch's love life, getting caught flirting at work, kinky sex, getting dildos delivered in the mail, furries, wearing a necklace of your defeated enemies' d*cks, dolphins & rape, stereotypical roleplaying, gay Pokemon, cholos, being stuck in shitty relationships, strawberry swirls, & Emo Nite LA. If you enjoy this (or any) episode, share with your friends! Don't allow them to miss out on this awesomeness.

Where is the line between what can be attributed to the placebo effect & the supernatural? We discuss that, Jesse almost dying, ruined blunts, a literal cowgirl, tattoo ideas, good genes, wisdom teeth removal, the roots of our spice days, Jesse's poor Neon, missed opportunities in life, the art process, Jesse's crazy trip to Austin, numbing your throat for porn, a former lover/psycho, getting a 'limpia,' being cursed & ridding yourself of a demon we called upon us, using the ouija, sleep paralysis, creepy basements, an undying zombie dog, our surface knowledge of dark matter, extra-dimensional beings, an apparent connection to the other side, & other creepy things.

Have you ever accidentally smoked the ashes of a crazy lady's dead husband? We talk about that, teenage goth crushes, 13 Reasons Why, Beauty and the Beast, Paranormal Activity, Mary Jane's cheerleading adventures, shopping alone, trying underwear on, getting flashed at the water slide, the art of storytelling, being haunted by a glass ghost, Awkwafina, being so high that you can't pee, the right age to procreate, sharks eating their siblings in the womb, unusual ages to meet your significant other, eating weird things as a child, a porn art project, jello shot finger painting, approximate knowledge, Bill Clinton being a creep, IQ tests, being bad at math, senior ditch day, dildo cars, transgender porn, being ready to try new things, bro-history, the strangeness of cameras, f*cking off on the last day of work, sending and receiving dick pics, hooking up with pretend-virgins, the excitement of taboo, different trips on spice, stretch marks, economic differences between us and our parents, copying circles & developing social skills, school rankings, foreign languages, being justifiably afraid of hippos, getting your hair pulled by a monkey at the zoo, our romances as kids, hiding drugs in your p*ssy, & how to approach women as a woman. Enjoy!

Ghost Condoms! We talk about that, and my misfortune with debit cards, awkward phone interviews, fake-loving your job, Mr. E's ticket-troubles, not attending jury duty, murder trials, Pun Daddy's new car & a genius idea for cat owners, farting in court, surprise anal, wanting to correct people but deciding it's not worth the effort, GAME OF THRONES THEORIES, unexpected deaths, getting older, keeping track of life on calendars, having a f*cked up pancreas & organs exploding, window shopping online, George W. Bush turning into a somewhat likable character, The Zeitgeist, Elon Musk's Hyperloop, the effects of Alpha Brain, New Zealand's accent, David Rockefeller's timely death & the plot against humanity, the release of GPS to the public, Illuminati confirmed, being funded by Rothschild money, showing up to court in a good mood, refuting price hikes in electricity, failed abortions, our inability to process corny corn, vegans, taking comments to heart, losing touch with age, R. Kelly, ebola, snorting ecstasy & rolling at work, Burlesque & how gay it is, Ru Paul's Drag Race, a MEME, talking about with your siblings at a funeral, coming out of the closet because of Charmed, blowing ash in your own face, being pretentious, flash drives in an old car, Swifters, Iggy Azalea freestyling, fake butts & boobs, crazy inventions to clean the ocean, Texas' trash, solar flares & space junk, life in Mars, Mexico's fake space program, a plot for a great movie, frustration listening to podcasts, VHS tapes, & the progress of technology. Enjoy!

This week, we discuss fake doses of acid eye drops, strips of real acid, Jesse losing his shoes when he's fucked up, Mary Jane having the confidence to fight a guy, getting choked out, fighting with your siblings, disliking Katy Perry & Taylor Swift, being jealous of our partner's celebrity crushes, freshman fashion & being self-obsessed, creating Myspace profiles back in the day, how Jesse found Dance Gavin Dance, turning 18 online as a woman, being introduced to friend's friends, going on double dates, past perceptions of each other, types of skinny jeans, being judged for dressing emo, faking originality, tripp wear, & band shirts. 

Have you ever heard a deer scream for its life? Tune in to find out what Mary Jane thinks that sounds like. We also discuss an old classmate's troubles with the law, an awesome Puerto Rican teacher, being judged for not having kids, CRISPR, the unfortunate demise of True Blood, furthering a crocodile-hunting legacy, the rigid force of structure in a hierarchy, failure in the craft of ice cream, aging, deciding when your online cart is ready for check out, drug addiction, living next to a crazy-ass city, Mary Jane's roots & sassiness, Kanye's antics, Mr. E's nonexistent purse, how weird it is to listen to ourselves, sponsorships we've yet to acquire, rolling on molly & fainting afterwards, video games & the time we have to play, virtual reality, adults ruining our childhood with their apparent perversion, songs from the 2000s, nonstop dabbin', a new shade of red, how to get in contact with us, tennis, being scared & living alone in the forest, hitting deer while driving, possums playing dead, unavoidable death & the unknown, the prospect of having kids & conditional love, sleeping late & waking up early, and awkward goodbyes, all while Mr. E is triggered repeatedly. PS - sorry about the delay (technical issues)

This gets dirty REAL QUICK, so brace yourselves. In this episode, I talk to Maria, Efren, and Jesse about suicidal fish, having breakfast with a loved hamster, how experience has ruined new experiences, my first kiss, the only excusable reason to get married, surprise phone sex, public sex at sex sex shops, a 5-way that could've happened, stress balls, penis & vagina aesthetics, the preferred pronoun of Jesse's dick, not wanting a scrub & Left Eye, scary sibling stories, sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming & nightmares, among several other crazy things.