158: 4 Steps to Eliminate Stress & Take Control of Your Life
Dr. David and I are on our own this week, but that’s not because I forgot to book a guest. It’s because David himself is leading the discussion on today’s topic: taking healthy control of your life and reducing stress. Whether or not you’re a successful course creator, there’s something in this episode for you to consider, because who doesn’t have stress?
In This Episode, We Talked About:
“If you ask me what is the single most important thing… the one single word is “momentum.”
– Dr. David Krohse
- (0:39) Why I’m unprepared for this episode (and why that’s okay)
- (1:37) The backstory for today’s topic
- (6:58) David’s single most important word
- (8:17) Cold showers and choosing discomfort
- (9:42) Step 1: Rate your stressors
- (11:25) Step 2: Envisioning a stress-free life
- (14:52) Step 3: Hack your stressors and your goals
- (17:01) Step 4: Use effective goal-setting to take control
- (19:39) Simplicity versus confusion
- (22:05) Goal-setting and penalties
- (24:58) Figuring out timeframes
- (28:04) An interesting relationship hack + how David meet his wife
- (34:21) Finding a good fit
- (36:56) Top tips for family and communication
- (45:04) Our favorite resource for work relationships
- (48:01) Reading recommendations and how to handle people who drag you down
- (49:36) Health hacks and homework for David
- (57:37) My favorite supplements
- (59:24) David’s recommendations for anxiety and depression + a plug for chiropractic
- (1:03:18) Our “Baby Steps” financial journeys
- (1:08:28) My investment influencers
- (1:14:58) David’s best career advice
- (1:16:05) Influencing others and the positive impact online courses can have
- (1:20:06) Looking back at early goals and where they’ve led
- (1:23:03) The motto to put on your mirror
- (1:24:22) Where to find everything we mentioned on the show + my online course creator community
- (1:25:47) Wrapping up
That’s all for now, folks! See you on the next episode of The Online Course Show.
Links Offers and Tools:
- 4 Steps to Eliminate Stress
- Establish your Goal Handout
- Episode 23
- Episode 98
- Episode 111
- The Art of Charm
- The 5 Love Languages
- How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen
- How to Win Friends and Influence People
- The 4-Hour Workweek
- Good to Great
- Expert Secrets
- Building a StoryBrand
- The Obesity Code podcast
- Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It
- Uplift desk
- How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
- I Will Teach You to Be Rich
- Profit First
- Talent Stacker
Jacques Hopkins 00:02
Regular people are taking their knowledge and content, packaging it up in an online course, and they're making a living doing it.
Jacques Hopkins 00:12
But not everyone is successful with online courses. There's a right way and there's a wrong way. And I'm here to help course creators actually succeed with online courses.
Jacques Hopkins 00:24
Hi, I'm Jacques Hopkins. And this is the Online Course Show.
Jacques Hopkins 00:32
And off we go, welcome aboard. Glad you're with us. I am your host, Jacques Hopkins. and here with me is our cohost as well. What's going on Dr. K?
David Krohse 00:41
Oh, I'm doing fantastic here. How are you doing?
Jacques Hopkins 00:44
I'm doing well. I feel a little unprepared to be honest with you because normally I've got a good amount of notes. I like... I'm a planner. I'm a planner. Right? And I don't have many today because today's episode was your idea. You've come to the table with plenty of ideas for even whole episodes before. And it's a nice little break because you're kind of in the driver's seat here. So, man, what's going on? And tell us what we're going to learn about today?
David Krohse 01:10
Oh, well, I mean, what you talked about planning. What I'm excited to share with everybody is a talk that I hope surely changes some lives. Essentially a goal setting, vision board, resolution-type exercise that people can actually sit down, they can listen through it once. And then maybe sit down in a quiet space and actually plan out what they want the next couple years of their life to look like and just make big changes.
Jacques Hopkins 01:35
Man, it sounds good. Like, what give me the backstory of this. Like, is this something you've come up with all on your own?
David Krohse 01:42
Yeah, it's an interesting story. So again, you know, my thing, my online course is How to Do Lunch and Learns for Chiropractors and other professions. And my first lunch and learn was like, "How to Stay Young: the First 100 Years." Then I did one called "4 Stretches for a Pain-free Day." And these businesses, they wanted me to come back each year and keep talking to them. And so, I was like, I'm going to do a talk on how to reduce stress and how to manage stress. And my first thought was that I was to be sharing like meditation tips, some stretching routines of self-talk. I mean, basically, what's the Post-it note that you put up on your mirror that's like, "you are a good person, you try hard."
David Krohse 02:25
And as I thought about that stress talk, I reflected back. So, when I was a junior in college, I was getting a coaching minor. I was considering becoming a full-time swim coach as a career, and I ended up in a class called Dynamics of Human Development. And I had to give a presentation with my friend/buddy, and we chose the topic "How to Raise Kids' Self-Esteem." And when we first picked that topic, we thought it was going to be all the things that teachers need to tell kids. Encourage them. You know, "you're a good kid, you try hard." And that ways that that teachers would coach parents to say the same types of things - these encouraging words.
David Krohse 03:06
And we started digging into the research and we learned that that kind of talk is a load of crap. It's like worthless. As far as, like picture for a second: you're the, you know that Jacques here is, he's 10 years old. You know, he's not passing his classes at school, you know...
Jacques Hopkins 03:21
Little chubby. A little chubby.
David Krohse 03:23
He's a little chubby. Kids make fun of him because the only songs he knows how to play on piano are like classical songs that no one even recognizes. He's given wedgies in the locker room. And he comes home one day, and his mom is like, you know, "How did your day at school go?" And little Jacques, he says, you know, "It's terrible." And his mom says, look, you know, "You're a good kid. You try hard." It's like, what would you do? You'd roll your eyes, right? I mean, you'd be like, "Mom, my life sucks!"
Jacques Hopkins 03:24
David Krohse 03:37
Like, I don't have any friends. I'm not passing my classes. And...
Jacques Hopkins 03:57
This is what I get for trying hard? Seriously?
David Krohse 03:59
Right, exactly. And so, what the research says is that this low self-esteem is caused by lack of control. And so, if you want to raise a kid's self-esteem, it's not something you say to them, it's giving them this clear action plan that helps them take control of their life. And then when they have control, you know, when little Jacques has friends, when he's playing songs that kids actually recognize, and they're crowded around him on the piano, it's like, all of a sudden, the kid doesn't have low self-esteem.
David Krohse 04:26
And so, again, this is back in 2012, maybe 2013, but as I was planning to do a talk on stress, I was like, you know, what we call low self-esteem in kids, when we're an adult, we're standing in front of the mirrors looking into our eyes, and we're just like, "I feel stressed!", it's almost like this exact synonym for that low self-esteem in kids. And once we say that, then how do you fix that stress feeling? It's like there's not there's not the Post-it note on the mirror, right? That says you're trying hard. It's like you actually have to change your life. And so, at that point I was like, alright, like what are our steps to really take control of our life [and] experience less stress as a result.
Jacques Hopkins 05:06
So it's, it's interesting because you have had your course for four years now - couple years - and I've always known that you helped other chiropractors, and now you branched out to other wellness professionals, to get more business, get more clients through lunch and learns, right? And I know what lunch and learns are from my time as an electrical engineer. We have these people come in, and talk about their products: their different, you know, hardware, little devices that that, you know, we as engineers would program and whatnot. But I don't know if I've ever thought to ask you like, "Hey, what types of things are you even talking about, David, in these Lunch and learns?" So that's some new insights on my side. I know, typically, chiropractors are just big into overall wellness, right? Not just alignments, but helping people with stress, anxiety, you know, doing things like meditation. And so this falls right in line with, you know, who, what I know about you as a person I just never thought about, okay, what is he actually talking about at these Lunch and learn? So, it sounds like this is this particular thing where you're talking about how to eliminate certain stressful things in your life by planning and control. This is something that you've done in the lunch and learn setting, which is what you teach about many times before.
David Krohse 06:25
Exactly, yeah. And this is the most fun one. I mean, people get this like starry eyed look in their eyes. Again, like years after giving this talk, this random lady walked up to me in tears and said, "You know, this talk you gave on goal setting, she's like, I realized that was when I decided I was going to change my career." You know, I gave her this awkward hug. So, this talk, I mean, it can change your life, if you let it. So, the one thing I'll say, I mean, a portion of this talk is going to feel really off-topic for courses; like you said, a holistic view. If you ask me, what's the single most important thing in business and kind of in life in general, the one single word is momentum. You know, I mean, if your business or if your life is going the wrong direction, it can take intense action to change that momentum. But what I'd say, and I've observed in a lot of people's lives is like, momentum can start at any spot in your life, and then it can trickle over to all these other things. So I mean, if we look at your situation, Jacques, we would say that you being here today is the online course guru and changing all these people's lives around the world, one of the critical steps was a personal finance decision for you and your wife paid off your house. Without that step, you wouldn't necessarily be here today as the Online Course Guy.
Jacques Hopkins 07:41
Yeah, you can, I definitely recognize that you can apply certain things to one area of your life to other completely unrelated ways. Momentum is a good word for it. I mean, it's a pretty big example you just brought up is that, you know, that I might still be working my job and none of this would have happened if I had never, say, paid off my mortgage. And I didn't foresee all of this, but you know, we had a plan. We knew that we wanted certain freedoms that existed when you didn't owe anybody any money, including on your house. But even little things, man. So, let me give you a smaller example. Like, when there's times where I do... You ever done a like cold shower?
David Krohse 08:21
No. Terrible idea. Only when I'm forced.
Jacques Hopkins 08:25
Come on, man. You're the health and wellness guy.
David Krohse 08:28
My wife does it. I don't, no...
Jacques Hopkins 08:30
She does? So, there's a lot of research that [says] cold therapy is very, very good for you in a lot of different ways. And the best way to do it is like an ice bath. There's also these cryo chambers, but if you want to 80/20 it, you can just take a cold shower. A couple minutes, or just kind of cycle between hot and cold. Anyway, I've gone through periods of doing it. I've done it for up to like a month straight up doing a cold shower every day. Let me tell you, it's painful. Okay, but it got me used to being uncomfortable. Right? And I could see that going about my day and through that entire month when I did it, I could see myself more comfortable with other things in life that we're on some level painful too. Some things that I just didn't want to do, I found myself more willing to do them because, hey, I took a cold shower, I can do anything. You know?
David Krohse 09:23
Definitely. Alright, so yeah, so listeners grab a pen, find a quiet space, either now or on a second listen, you know, maybe alone, maybe with your partner, and I'd encourage you to really use this opportunity to kind of plan out what you want your life to look like. I will put together a download that we can put in the show notes that can kind of walk you through some of this. Alright, so let's jump into these four steps to eliminate stress and take control of your life. So, step one, I'm going to have you rate your stressors. So, you could write down on a sheet of paper these four different main categories of your life: so, relationships, health, finances, and career. And I want you to just take a second here, and rate each of those on a zero to 10 scale as far as how much stress they are. So, zero would be no stress, 10 would be like put me out of my misery and just put a number next to each of those.
Jacques Hopkins 10:14
I'm guessing you want me to do this...
David Krohse 10:16
Yeah. Do it.
Jacques Hopkins 10:16
...as were talking about it? Okay.
David Krohse 10:17
Jacques Hopkins 10:17
I'm writing this down over here. Alright, so...
David Krohse 10:20
Relationships, health, finances, career,
Jacques Hopkins 10:22
You always hear about like the three, like health, wealth, and relationships. Right? So, you're kind of adding a fourth one of career, which, okay, because it could kind of fall into find it into finances to an extent, but I guess you're breaking that out.
David Krohse 10:36
Mm hmm. All right. So, what most people are going to see is that right away, there's like one or two of these categories that are, you know, way higher than the rest. And you want to share which one jumps out is the highest on yours, Jacques?
Jacques Hopkins 10:49
Yeah,I mean, I would say, I would say career is probably top for me. Yeah.
David Krohse 10:55
It is for me too.
Jacques Hopkins 10:56
I've got a pretty low, low stress job here. I mean, I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing. But I could imagine that that one's probably low on a lot of people's lists, too. But that's it sounds like, but you said yours is high for career as well?
David Krohse 11:09
Yeah, I would say I would say at some point here, I need to add another doctor to my practice and, and just kind of like right on that edge of where, you know, I want to do it, but I want to be all set. So yeah.
Jacques Hopkins 11:19
Okay, great. Yeah. And then finances is right there. Relationships is right there as well. My lowest is probably health.
David Krohse 11:25
Gotcha. Alright, so step two is going to be to paint the picture of your stress-free life. So, think about two to five years down the road, what do you want your life to look like? And I would say start with the highest stress areas. So, look at that one that's the highest - the career - and say, "What do you want your career, your finances to look like two to five years down the road." And obviously included in this, I'd say include any goals and like these bucket list activities that you say, okay, two or five years down the road, what do you want to have checked off your list? And so, I'll give you a few of these statements that I would have you write down, statements similar to this. "I don't have to check my bank account five times a day to make sure my husband doesn't cause an overdraft. I'm in a loving, fulfilling relationship. I go skiing in Colorado every winter. I'm as thin as I like to be. I look forward to a weekly date night. Credit card payments don't make me sick to my stomach. I love my job. My mortgage is my only payment and it'll be paid off in a year. Headaches still keep me from quality time with my family. I have a plan to retire with dignity and a large nest egg. And I have a thriving course and membership community."
Jacques Hopkins 12:37
I bet when you when you give these talks in person, that one wasn't in there.
David Krohse 12:40
That wasn't on there. No. So yeah, I mean, when I'm in person, I actually totally silent for like a minute and a half and people just write out a few of these things.
Jacques Hopkins 12:50
Man, that's great. A couple that come to mind, you know, I've put on the old Quarantine 15.
David Krohse 12:57
Is that right?
Jacques Hopkins 12:58
Yeah, yeah. So...
David Krohse 12:59
What caused it?
Jacques Hopkins 13:00
David Krohse 13:01
What was the guilty pleasure?
Jacques Hopkins 13:02
Well, not going to the gym. Right? And, you know, we talked about momentum earlier, it’s for me, like, if I'm going to the gym, it's easier to eat healthfully, right. And if I'm not, like it kind of goes. Some people, when they go to the gym, they feel like that's a card to be able to eat whatever they want. I'm the opposite. Like, I'm either doing 20 healthy things in a day or none, right? And so, it's important for me to get the day off to a good start. You know. If I have an unhealthy breakfast, and the day is just shot, that's just what I've recognized about myself. And so, I got into a really good gym routine, working it through my day, five days a week. And then, you know, lockdowns happened. COVID in March and [I] couldn't go to the gym anymore. And I really haven't been back since. So, you know, not to make excuses but that's the big thing for me.
David Krohse 13:52
Mm hmm. Yeah, for me, it's just again, it's this concept that right now, you know, physically, I have to be present taking care of patients for my main job. And that's kind of a, it creates stress, because I'm just so critical to my family's financial stability. And so, getting another doctor on, number one would create that stability, decrease stress. And then number two, that would free me up to work on things that I'm passionate about. Put more effort into the courses. I've got other ideas. I'm a little bit like Nate, I've got an idea for a YouTube channel. And I've got... I have an idea for a podcast that probably I couldn't do them all, but I think I could have these other passionate things that I'd be passionate about.
Jacques Hopkins 14:33
Yeah, well, you know, things like you bringing on another doctor would be huge in your in your practice, but if you bring on the wrong one, that's even more stress than not having them at all. So, it's very important that you, you do the proper vetting and whatnot, and hopefully it can serve that make things less stressful, not more.
David Krohse 14:50
Yeah, well Jacques that leads right into my next step. So, step number three is to hack your stressors in your goals. And so, I mean, just time and again in life I see where what seems like the obvious best answer is not. But I mean, in today's day and age, we have unlimited access to dig into what actually works on the internet and just find out: What is the crowdsourced best practices by people that actually geek out and try to fix their lives. Reading books, obviously, the best example in the books at an overall level would be 4-Hour Workweek, 4-Hour Body. I mean, like that guy. He says, yeah, you think this is the best way to do something, but is it? Let's actually test the hypothesis. Talk to people who have had success. So, finding a mentor, finding that exact person, that's three steps ahead of you that had the exact same problem that you had. And just talking to them, you know, like Nate said, back on his most recent visit, he said, he had an idea to start, like, an actual plant business in his town. And he's like, before I would do that, I would find people doing exactly what I'm doing. I want to do in the same size town and call them. He's like, I'd pay them $100 an hour to just tell me what the mistakes were what the best practices were. You know, I mean, the deal is, if you if you keep making a cake, and every time it comes out of the oven, it looks terrible and tastes bad. Like, what are you going to do?
Jacques Hopkins 16:13
That reminds me of...
David Krohse 16:15
You got to change the recipe, right?
Jacques Hopkins 16:16
Well, yeah, sorry. Yeah, you don't want to just keep doing it. But that reminds me of Andrew, the 18-year-old from Next Level Courses we've talked about many times here. He, you know, not to toot my horn, but he saw that I was doing things that he wanted to be doing, right? Teaching people music, he has a guitar, and he modeled his entire business and funnel off of mine, he calls his packages the same thing. And that's, that's great.
David Krohse 16:43
Jacques Hopkins 16:44
It's working. You know what, now that it's working, he can probably tweak certain things and he can try things that he thinks about. Ideas that he's got. But now that he's got it working, it's so much less stressful to try to get it to work. Now. He's just got to keep making it better and better and better.
David Krohse 17:01
Okay, so step number four is going to be to use effective goal setting to take control of your life. And so, with effective goal setting, I mean, there's the whole S.M.A.R.T. acronym, - so Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. The two things that I find to be most important is in setting goals. So first off, I would say that effective goal setting is focused and intense. So again, I mean, you, you rate your stressors, you find one area is the problem, then you paint this picture of where you want that problem to be. I mean, for a period of time, putting all your energy into improving that spot, can have a huge effect. My favorite quote on this is by this guy, he's a football coach. I don't know you might have heard of him, Jacques. His name is Vince Lombardi. And have you heard him?
Jacques Hopkins 17:51
Yeah, I know a thing or two about Vince Lombardi. Yes.
David Krohse 17:54
Jacques Hopkins 17:54
I'm a sports guy. You're not.
David Krohse 17:56
That's right. So, I don't I don't follow sports at all but the story, as I understand it, is that Vince Lombardi had this amazing amount of success. during a time when a lot of the other football coaches were developing these really complicated playbooks. And Vince Lombardi, he just had this really small number of plays, but they ran them just flawlessly on a consistent basis. And he had this amazing record. Jacques would know more about that. He was being interviewed, and somebody said, you know, "Why don't you have more plays?" so to speak. And he said, "You know, it's hard to be aggressive when you're confused." It's hard to be aggressive when you're confused. And I don't think there's a better quote for the life that we live in. I mean, we have so many distractions, when you really are in a bad place, or when you really want to reach a goal, it's time to take that attitude and just really focus on that most important goal. There are a couple examples of that in the podcast, obviously. Jacques and Nate, you guys did a review of the book The One Thing back in Episode 7 and 8. And kudos to you, Jacques. I mean, that's an episode that I'll go back and listen to I bet every six months, I put into my top 10 podcast episodes I've heard. So...
Jacques Hopkins 19:05
Wow. Thank you.
David Krohse 19:07
That is a valuable episode. So, Episode 7 and 8 of this Online Course Show Podcast where you guys talk about The One Thing. On the other example, this Stephanie Taylor's episode with Episode 144. You know, Stephanie said when she really wanted to reach a goal, she'd go on one of these green juice retreats, and she just hammer out a project over a few days. And, you know, here she is, with the super successful online course podcast, you know, Dream Business. So.
Jacques Hopkins 19:39
I was trying to write this down. Remind me of that quote from Vince Lombardi "It's hard to be aggressive when...?"
David Krohse 19:44
When you're confused
Jacques Hopkins 19:45
"...when you're confused." I like that a lot because I've been you know, the more time that passes, the more big I am into simplicity. So, I really resonate with... I didn't know that that's one of Vince Lombardi's things was fewer plays but done well. And that's, you know, that's my thing, one really good funnel, right? One really good course, you see these people that have, you know, twenty courses, and they're all very inexpensive and they don't really have much of a funnel. And you can, in a lot of cases, make a lot more money and help a lot more people by simplifying way down. One course, one offer. That's something I try to help people within Next Level Courses a lot, is I look at their business I'm like, "Man, this is confusing."
Jacques Hopkins 20:30
Like if I'm, if I'm visiting your website, if I'm a potential customer, this is just way too confusing for me, I've got, there's these seven different courses, and I don't know which one I would be a fit for, if any of them. And so, I try to get people to get down as close to one funnel in one offer as possible. And then the other thing I want to mention, just for a little context for you as a non-sports guy, Vince Lombardi, you know, though, are you familiar with like the Super Bowl? You know, what that is like the winner [of] the Super Bowl is the… what you win in the NFL, the trophy you get for winning the Super Bowl is the Lombardi Trophy.
David Krohse 21:07
Okay. No, I wouldn't have known that.
Jacques Hopkins 21:09
The trophy is named after him.
David Krohse 21:11
I did look up he was at Green Bay coach, correct?
Jacques Hopkins 21:14
Yes, he was the Green Bay coach. You know...
David Krohse 21:16
I got that part.
Jacques Hopkins 21:17
I have a cousin who started this big construction company about 10 years ago. And I remember when it was just in its infancy, he would I would talk to him. And he would watch this documentary, or I guess documentaries are a word, about Vince Lombardi. He'd watched it like every week. He said, "Dude, it's the most motivating thing. Like, I watch it and then I just go in and I crush it at work." It was just his story...
David Krohse 21:40
Jacques Hopkins 21:40
...was so inspiring for my cousin. He just really resonated with that huge guy, but you know, played football. And yeah, it's really inspiring to hear stories like that. And I just really, really love that quote, and I appreciate you sharing it. "It's hard to be aggressive when you're confused." I think we can use that in marketing.
David Krohse 21:58
All right, well, Hey, can you track down that exact movie and share that in the show notes?
Jacques Hopkins 22:02
Yeah, I'll do my best to do that. Yep.
David Krohse 22:05
Okay. The other thing, effective goal setting has penalties for not getting things done. So especially as we talk about starting a side hustle, you actually retired from your career, and you're doing courses on full time. You know, this is a technique that I learned from you, Jacques, is just this concept of actually putting a penalty in place if you don't accomplish the goal, whether it's $100, that you have to pay your friend just calling up a friend and saying, hey, if I don't get this job done, I'm going to give you $100. You know, we talked in the past that you could do something kind of funny you could, you could make a commitment that if you don't get something done, you're going to have to give $100 to an organization that you can't stand, so joked about the Westboro Baptist Church, that's this terrible organization that like boycotts at funerals. If you said, if I don't get this important goal done, I have to send $100 to them. I mean, that's going to keep you motivated to get that goal done.
Jacques Hopkins 22:58
Yeah. So, I've got some updated thoughts on the penalty goals, by the way.
David Krohse 23:02
Oh, yeah. How's it going? Are you having to pay? Or you have to pay Nate more often?
Jacques Hopkins 23:05
No, I haven't set a penalty goal in a few months, honestly. A couple months.
David Krohse 23:09
Jacques Hopkins 23:10
Yeah. And real quick, this documentary, it's called, it's just called Simply Lombardi. It was on HBO, literally 10 years ago. It came out in 2010. And we'll link to it in the show notes. So, you know, Nate's my accountability partner, right? He has been for years, and we do these penalty goals we've talked about many times, that's what you just brought up. But ever since hiring Colleen, and in growing my team, I haven't felt the need to do that. And my thought is that when you don't have anybody else holding you accountable, you need things like penalty goals, to, to build that in. And I still highly recommend doing them if you don't have anybody else holding you accountable. But Colleen, you know, she's, she's essentially, in charge of operations for my whole business now. And if I don't get something done, I need to get done. She's all over me. Which is great!
David Krohse 24:06
Nice! That's perfect.
Jacques Hopkins 24:07
Which is what I need, right? So, we plan together, we figure out what I in the business need to do over the next week, month, quarter, year, and so on, we have a plan. And before her like I had plans before her, but if I didn't execute on those plans, there was nobody holding me accountable. Nobody. And so, I would have to go to Nate and be like, "Look, Nate, I need to get this done by this date. And if I don't, I'm going to pay you $100 or more." Right? But so, I haven't felt the need to do that since having her on board.
David Krohse 24:38
Did you do somewhere you put more than $100?
Jacques Hopkins 24:41
I think there was. There was a couple maybe one where it was it was like five different things I needed to get done all within the same project. So, each one was 100. And there was a couple of times where we had to do kind of double or nothing, but for the most part we just did $100.
David Krohse 24:55
Okay. Gotcha. Alright. Do you have any other things that are most important when you set goals?
Jacques Hopkins 25:01
Well, I wanted to ask you about this a little bit. And I'm curious about time framing in general, because you mentioned S.M.A.R.T. goals and the T is Timeframe, but typically, you know, like over here, I know listeners can't see me right now, but over here I have my 2020 goals posted that I posted just before the year started. And I did that last year as well. I posted it right above my monitor. And so, the biggest goal setting I do is yearly, but what is your recommendation on if our main goal should be yearly, quarterly, weekly, daily? What do you think?
David Krohse 25:37
Well, I mean, they're definitely, I mean, I think that a lot of people should be looking at the two to five year point and saying, you know, I know that when I first did this, this exercise, I mean, I was kind of down in a hole, especially financially, it wasn't going to be better in months, it was going to be a multi-year process. And so, a lot of us have things that, yeah, it's a two to five-year time period to really change your life. As far as how often you reevaluate, yeah, I mean, essentially, daily, weekly, monthly, would be best. Am I graded out all the time? No, not necessarily. But I will say just that, that idea of focusing on that one biggest thing. I mean, that's, that's a little bit more where I'm at when I really want to make progress.
Jacques Hopkins 26:25
David Krohse 26:26
The other things kind of fall by the wayside for a bit.
Jacques Hopkins 26:27
Yeah. And look, it's November right now, man, and I have not accomplished all these goals or six things up here. Fortunately, I would say the top one, I certainly have accomplished but about half of 'em I haven't. And I haven't, I probably haven't done a great job of reevaluating these goals as we move on. I mean, it's exact same piece of paper that's been out there. And there's a couple of them that aren't as relevant even anymore. Right? And I think that there's a lot of very successful business owners, people that I follow and look up to, that do things on a quarterly basis, like they'll meet before a quarter happens, and like plan out the whole quarter, and then execute on it the whole quarter. And I think there's a lot of power in that, I need to look into that more. I know, that's something that Colleen wants to be doing, as well, and starting to a little bit. But I think, from what I've seen on the outside, I think quarterly planning and goals is pretty powerful.
David Krohse 27:24
Exactly. And that is something you have to actually put it on the calendar. So that...
Jacques Hopkins 27:27
David Krohse 27:27
Otherwise, I mean, time just goes so fast. But along those lines of really time lining, where you want to be in the specific when you want to get the smaller steps done and when you're going to reach the bigger steps, I'll have a worksheet in this download that you can get through the show notes or over in the Online Course Community Facebook group. And it takes you through every step. So at the conclusion of this, you know, you sit down and you say, okay, clearly my biggest goal, my biggest stress point that I need to fix is this thing, you're going to work through that. And you might do two or three of those and put these exact timelines on that.
David Krohse 28:01
So, what I'd like to jump into next is basically, Jacques and I just sharing some of the hacks on these things that we found in our life that actually worked. Jacques, you already shared one, which is cold showers. I didn't know that that was something that you did. But I'd like to hear just, you know, how you basically have made your life as good as possible. And so, I wanted to start with relationships, just this category of relationships. And I'll go ahead and start by sharing just a couple little hacks on how to find your ideal soulmate. So, again, a little bit off topic. Some of these you're going to hear and then you might say, "Yeah, it does actually kind of apply to a course."
David Krohse 28:43
So, this really wise, wise, wise older guy, he told me the story a while back long before I met Val, and he said that he had two sons. And when each son turned 18, he had them sit down, and he said, I'm going to have you make four lists. And the first list he had them write out he said, "I want you to write down everything you look for in your, your life partner, your spouse." And so, they made that whole list. And then he said, "Okay, I want you to look really closely at that. I want you to imagine that that ideal soulmate is sitting there, and they're making their list of what they look for in their soulmate." And he's like that's the second list write down everything they're looking for. So, they finish that list. Then he says, "Okay, the third list is going to be what do you need to do to become the person that you just described in that list number two? So, what classes do you need to take? Is there some incongruence in how you dress, your financial situation? What do you need to do to become the ideal person for who you just described? And it says, "Okay, the fourth list is where are you going to meet that person? And write it out. Where are all the places that that person is hanging out?" And, you know, this is goal setting for finding love.
David Krohse 29:57
But, you know, I was single you know, 2009, and I sat there, and I made the list. And the first three were pretty clear. But then I got to the where am I going to meet this person. And again, I'm a chiropractor, I'm like, not going to meet it at my team, as far as staff. No patients, and I'm like, you know, looking back at past relationships, I'm like, the main places that would be natural for me to meet one of these ladies would be yoga classes, or the dog park, just because I'm generally going to connect with somebody that's a more natural, holistic person. But I remember just thinking, like, I would look terrible in some Lululemon spandex. And, you know, the idea of trying to hit on a lady at the end of a yoga class, I'm like, that just is not going to work. And then my dog at the time, his name was George, but he was a super-aggressive dog. So, I remember just looking at George across the room, it just totally given him the hairy eyeball, because I'm like, the dog park would be a perfect place to meet my ideal woman. But here, my dog would end up attacking their dog. It's like, I'd have to get a second dog just to meet a woman.
David Krohse 31:04
The one thing that I would say, like I shared that at these at these actual talks, and somebody came up to me afterwards, or she actually came as an in as a patient. And she said, "You know, I have a husband, I'm set there, but she's like, I don't have any actual female friends." And she said, "I'm going to do that exercise." And she said, "I can see like, I'm not spending time in the place where my kindred spirits are hanging out." She's like, "I'm going to find friends." The third thing is that if you look at Russell Brunson, and his Traffic Secrets, his idea of finding your dream 100 [is a] very similar process to this.
Jacques Hopkins 31:43
So, did you meet your wife at a dog park?
David Krohse 31:47
Jacques Hopkins 31:48
I thought this is where we're going with this.
David Krohse 31:50
No, no, after doing that, I was like, it's going to have to be online dating. So yeah, it would have to be online dating. And actually, that does lead into I was going to make another little interesting advice for anybody who's out there single. After doing this exercise, I was, like, I'm going to have to do online dating. And so, I joined a few different sites. And I set up this date, and it was like this entire evening planned, went, and met the lady. And within five minutes, I'm like, "Oh, no, like, this was terrible, because I got like, a five hour, you know, thing planned here, and I want out already." And so, I told my friend Matt, and Matt was like, "Dude, you never plan an entire evening, you got to plan the online date first date?" And I was like, "What's that?" And he said, he said, "That's where you like, tell them that you want to meet for coffee at like 4 o'clock. And, you know, you just meet for coffee and you tell him you have to meet some other people at like 6." And so, there's, there's a deadline, he says "If it goes great, then you plan a real day. If it doesn't go great, then you know, you're only out an hour." And I was like, okay, so I did that for like all these dates. And it was a big mistake because these dates felt like an interview. And at the end of the hour, I'd be like, I don't know if I want to see this this person again. I'd be like, just kind of be like awkward. I'd be like, "well, maybe I'll see you around." So anyways, I was like this is not working. I started listening to the Art of Charm podcast.
Jacques Hopkins 33:18
David Krohse 33:19
You've listened to it before?
Jacques Hopkins 33:20
Yeah, it's I think it is still around. But Jordan Harbinger, right? And..
David Krohse 33:24
Jacques Hopkins 33:24
...who's not part of it anymore. He's got his own podcast now. Jordan Harbinger Show.
David Krohse 33:28
Right. Art of Charm, Jordan Harbinger. And somewhere on there, this guy was saying he's like, even if you just do that copy date, he's like, you have to bring, you have to have something that builds chemistry, some activity that can build a connection. And this guy said that he actually brought a Connect 4 playing game. And he'd be like, he planned an online date, and he'd be like, "Oh, by the way, you're going to get your butt kicked at Connect 4." And, you know, the next date. I like, the lady actually said that she liked playing board games, but I brought a Scrabble board. And the date had so much more chemistry. So, when I met Val, it was actually the idea was, we met outside a coffee shop. And then we were going to get coffee, and then go for a walk around the sculpture park. And the rest is history. But...
Jacques Hopkins 34:14
Nicely done. That reminds me of this very podcast and finding guests for the podcast because, you know, my assistant, Emily is the primary person that kind of does research and sees who might be a good fit. Obviously, I've got other connections too. And I usually ask for guest of the podcast for recommendations to but I'm, I'm always trying to find new people to come on interview other successful course graders and all kinds of niches. And what I found was, you know, she would go find somebody, we would agree that it seemed like a fit. And then the first time I would meet that person would be the interview, right? And I found one, one thing I've been doing lately, and I don't think you know this, is I've been doing more of a 10-minute chat to meet the person first and then we schedule the hour podcast interview. And that's been going really well because it's not the first time I'm meeting that person. We already have a little bit of rapport. Because I was finding that it would take the first 10-15 minutes of the hour conversation to really click and build that rapport. But now you're making me think that I should do like virtual Connect 4 with person on that first meeting.
David Krohse 35:22
Jacques Hopkins 35:22
David Krohse 35:23
Well, and to draw a parallel to something more real to course creators, I mean, some people still want to do like a sales page and just let people buy their course. I mean, just the advantages of a funnel, and, you know, a sales page. The thing I'd say about those first online or the in-person coffee dates, if you said on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best date that you could possibly imagine in your life, how good can sitting at a coffee shop for an hour be? It's like, for me, even if I was sitting across the coolest person in the world, it's still like a 3 out of 10 because it's just sitting there having coffee. We're not sharing an experience. And so, some people want to sell a course through just a sales page. People can buy any time. When you compare that with the funnel, I mean, again, you know, go through one of Jacques' funnels to go through his Piano in 21 days funnel and experience that relationship that you build. I mean, again, when Jacques, let's see here, when I decided to buy Jacques's course, on how to make online courses, it was $700. But I've been following his podcast I got through his funnel, which at the time was like a Product Launch Formula sequence with the videos. I was out on a bike ride on a Saturday morning at eight o'clock, I got your email, I stopped on a gravel road and gave you $700 to join your course on online courses. I mean, you had you had wined and dined me Jacques and I was ready to go.
Jacques Hopkins 36:44
Yeah, we hadn't.. We had never spoken at that point.
David Krohse 36:47
Jacques Hopkins 36:47
It was just my funnel doing its thing.
David Krohse 36:49
Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, funnel, and just that building the relationship. Huge.
David Krohse 36:55
All right. So family, do you have any advice or any what are your top tips on relationship with your spouse, relationship with your kids?
Jacques Hopkins 37:04
Yeah, the biggest thing with my wife, I think is, and we've talked about this on the podcast before, but the Five Love Languages, I think is a total game-changer. And it's, it's something that really 80/20 a relationship with your significant other is, you've got to at least know what each other's love languages are. I think it's just important to know what your own is as your spouse's so you can understand why you get upset or disappointed about certain things, versus others. And so, I'm sure it's so popular now, but I guess there probably are plenty of people that haven't either read it or, you can just Google the Five Love Languages and understand what they are. But there's tools and things in the book to help you determine what yours is what your spouse's is, but that's, that's always on my mind when I'm interacting with my wife because our love languages are so different than each other.
Jacques Hopkins 37:57
And as far as you know, as far as the kids go, you know, relationships, my biggest thing with relationships is intentionality, right? Actually, having intention behind the things you're doing, the things you want to do. And so, things like knowing the Five Love Languages with my wife, well, with the kids, you know, my kids are three and five, that those are tough ages. There's a lot of, there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot of, you know, their big thing right now is tattling. Like they're constantly just telling us, she touched me, she did this, she did like so most of us are not just naturally good at how to handle three-year-olds and five-year-olds. And that you know what, next year, there'll be four and six, and there's a whole different set of problems that come with that. And so, learning from people that know what they're talking about, have been there before.
Jacques Hopkins 38:43
A few months ago, I read an amazing book called How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Little Kids Will Talk. I think there's a the original version drops the title It was called How To Talk So Kids Will Listen How To Listen So Kids Will Talk and then they came back, I think it's the original author's daughter actually wrote the second version, which is more for two, it says on the cover from two to seven years old. I'm like, this is perfect. And it gave me all kinds of tips and strategies on how to deal with these little minds. And it opened, it just it opened my mind. You know, if I could give you an example of there's just so many tactics in it. And my daughter, my five year old was upset about something a couple weeks ago, I don't even remember, but one of the tactics in the book was to kind of, like draw it, like draw what you're feeling, draw what you're thinking. It's like, it's like, oh, man, that must be so rough. Can we like, can we draw a picture of it? And like, I would never tell my wife to do that. But that's just a tactic that works for that age group. And she drew this picture and we and I sat down with her and, and I was like, Well, what about this? What about that and you 10 minutes later, we had drawn this picture and she forgot about whatever the problem was, and I would have never known to do something like that without having read this book. And I think a lot of people when they're struggling with something or they're stressed about something, they just try to figure out completely on their own. When there's people out there, you just got to find them that that have the solution for you.
David Krohse 40:10
Yeah, well, I 100% agree on those, the five love languages. For listeners, we actually did an entire episode focused on the five love languages for course creators. Jacques and I shared how it works in our own families. So that's Episode 111. And yeah, I'd encourage you to go back and listen to that. As far as like a single rule for our household, I would say that the one little rule that we try to follow is "be easy to impress, and hard to depress." So be easy to impress, and hard to depress. So, I mean, it's be easy to impress. It's like, you know, Jacques, if you're there working on one of your online course projects, and your daughter, Annecy, see, she's four years old. She's been over there, like, working on this picture for a long time. And she brings it up to you, you know, do you say like, "Oh, that's nice." It's like, No, I mean, you got to be like, "This is amazing!" Like, Annecy, this is awesome! I'm so proud of you." And like, in your head, you're like, I hope I'm holding it up right. But like, you know.
Jacques Hopkins 41:10
So, you know what's funny? Let me, I know you don't have kids. But that what you just said is actually goes against what's in this book I just mentioned,
David Krohse 41:19
Oh, man. Well. You know. I don't have children.
Jacques Hopkins 41:22
You said, you said two things. And that's the title. It's, it's you would never think that telling somebody their art is amazing and I'm proud of you intuitively that that's a problem. And this this may be controversial but if you've got young kids to seven, I highly recommend this book. But the thought is that we as parents tell our kids they're doing like, every little thing is amazing and it's a great job, like, I'll catch myself like my, my three year old goes down the side, I'm like, oh, great job. It's like, because she put her booty down and let gravity do something like, we need to save those things for things that are truly amazing, truly a great job. And we're building up false, like false, I don't know their self-esteem, maybe I don't, that's not the right word, but it's not genuine either. Like, if it's not amazing, like, don't say that it's amazing. But to your point in the book that the way they want to, they want you to interact with that. Because would you say you want to impress and not depress?
David Krohse 41:23
Be easy to impress, and hard to depress.
Jacques Hopkins 41:25
Right? So, what you do, you don't want to just like, blow it off. And you'd also don't want to just say it's the world's greatest piece of art. What you do is you look at you be like, "Oh, my goodness, like, look at those red lines over there. Like, tell me about that. What are those? Why do you think to do this over here? Oh, wow. Okay, that's interesting. And what is this over here? Okay. And then, you know, what, if you added a little more blue over here?" Just like really get into it like that. That's kind of how the book recommended doing.
David Krohse 42:51
Okay, I can see that. Yeah, interact with. Yeah, you show you show how you're impressed you are by interacting with what the