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This movie is about a rich guy who's doing it all wrong. Some people just can't handle holding material authority over nearly everyone in their lives. If I was a rich guy, I'd do it right. I would be a COOL rich guy. No one would ever feel uncomfortable around me; they would always know it's OK to say "no" to me; they would never have cause to think about how much power I have to determine the conditions under which they live. Here is my plan: use all of my personal wealth to build a public access party castle, sequester myself in the highest spire, and allow my body to mummify as I wait for everyone to forget I exist. Eventually people will come to believe that the inexhaustible canape towers, the chocolate fountains that never run dry, the terraced and frothing bathnasiums (separated into horny and non-horny sections) are just the facilities of a really really cool public park. You might say this doesn't solve my own isolation and misery, as the hypothetical rich guy wielding all this relationship-disintegrating power. I would respond that in the long term, it does - eventually, after decades of solitude in my pleasure prison, I would crawl into my sarcophagus and, peacefully, expire. Never Relevant is the Citizen Kane of podcasts. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, John, and Joshua.

Hugh's out this ep, so it's Pat, John and bonus Joshua yukking and snarfing through a tense, gripping drama about fatherhood, human depravity and creative carpentry. Never Relevant knows that podcasting is the war we wage against god. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, John, and Joshua (who can go home when he finishes all of the mazes in the book).

Damn king really sorry to hear that the insurance claim for your terminally ill son's lifesaving surgery didn't go through. Hey, wanna come rob a bank with me and some guys i met last week? Cool, we're leaving in 15 minutes. Don't worry, I have a brilliant plan that revolves around our wheelman, Garboni Trashcanza, who I trust implicitly. Look at how he's driving with his knees so he can use one fist to hammer a stromboli down his throat and the other hand to give bicyclists the finger - he's got the stuff. Never Relevant is a cartel of Twisted Metal superfans. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

A mythic clash of titans, the ultimate power fantasy - a swag-zero CIA pariah wading through choking wreaths of CG smoke in a display of inhuman willpower to wreak pretty mild vengeance on his natural enemy: a swagged out private military golf dad. Kids of whatever generation follows Z (I personally think they will be called gen roman numeral 1) will divide themselves into warring cliques of gray men and golf dads. Smooth-crotched, oviparous human 2.0s will carve monuments of this shit thousands of years from now. Never Relevant is an enduring symbol of dramatic mediocrity. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

This one goes out to Sex Horse. You're a real American hero, Sex Horse. Never Relevant is sensually riding Sex Horse. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, the ghost of Hugh trapped in a fedora, and John.

Get in line maggot, you're about to receive tactical lore from the operator sages of Stephen King Strategic Command in the form of an intensive two-and-a-half hour case study on repelling an evil god by channeling warrior spirit. If you're ready to take the task of defending your town from computer monsters and evil trucks into your own hands, pick up that standard issue pneumatic cattle-killer and give me a hearty yawp! Never Relevant is the conspiracy board kid in your friend group. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh the silent clown, and John.

(To the tune of London Bridges) Zero more days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween; zero more days 'til Halloween, fire the druidic laser!  Never Relevant offers three high-quality masks to choose from - we have the classic Patrick, the fun and flirty Hugh, and for the selective connoisseur, John. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to.

In part B of our unexpectedly child death-heavy Halloween double feature, it's time to explore the scariest haunted house of all: Italy. Never Relevant is the first full-frontal sex scene in podcasting. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

Just a chill, meditative movie about fishin' for the big one. Never Relevant is out there on the dock with a line in the water, enjoying the sea breeze and the feeling of sand between its toes. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and (day 1 DLC) John.

A list of things kept in the under-kremlin: the microfiche (but it's missing!); the mystic orb that granted Simon Pegg his career; an idol of a nameless, angry god; a gun that makes people hear dripping sounds; the Simon Pegg single-target illusion shield (this was his second wish from the orb, a poor one in my opinion); a bored man in M. Bison cosplay; a junk drawer full of loose paperclips and old keys and things; hundreds of exuberant pencil on notebook paper drawings of buildings bristling with weedy spires capped in pendulous, disproportionate onion domes, some embellished with flame or "cool S" designs, all labeled "Kremlin 2" (artist unknown). Never Relevant can also be found in the under-kremlin, in the closet where they keep spare glass coffins. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, , and John.

CHAPTER CARD: PODCAST BLUES  -- Interior, Daily Wire cigar room and debate colosseum, golden hour. JOHN, PATRICK, and HUGH are seated in GAMER CHAIRS. --  PATRICK: Guys, this is serious - the podcast prom is next week, and after all the libel we've slung at Tom Cruise we're less popular than ever. We've gotta do something to salvage our reputation or I'm gonna get bullied so hard my mom will unschool me!  HUGH: I wish your mom would unschool me.  PATRICK: Ugh, gross.  JOHN (inner monologue): I really hope the guys don't notice that I've accidentally superglued my lips shut. Gosh this is so embarrassing.  HUGH: OK, how about this: what if we threaten to dox one of the four super science geniuses in our class, force them to make us a gundam, sell it on the dark web for a ton of cash, and throw a huge sick rager that will - will....  PATRICK: Will what?  *Hugh points a shaking finger at the curtain over the cigar room's massive bay window, where a suspicious shadow looms - the immediately identifiable silhouette of a flying saucer*  HUGH: Wuh oh.  JOHN: Wuh oh.  PATRICK: Wuh oh.  GAMER CHAIRS: Wuh oh. 

Finally, our last deep huff of teen stink. I'm holding this movie in my arms, staring into its eyes; we're breathing weirdly, our faces look miserable. That's what love is like - dramatic, overwrought. It's not fun, but the performance of agony is more gratifying than fun. You can even nut while you're doing it, turns out that's allowed as long as the act is kind of gross and unsettling. The ancient Greeks would've described what I'm feeling now as catharsis, if ancient Greece was a big middle school.  Never Relevant's meat-stone is glittering in the sun like the holographic wrapper of a CBD gummy. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

Pat and John live miserable half-lives in the endless ventilation duct that is the Mission Impossible series, soaking in our own sweat as we watch the shadows cast by the fluorescent light that flickers through the blades of the HVAC fans. Silhouettes of plot-device wives pass momentarily and disappear. We recognize, or believe we recognize, the shape of Ethan Hunt, and we hoot a raucous celebratory holler. It does not occur to us that this Ethan Hunt is strangely different from the last Ethan Hunt, or that there may be more to Ethan Hunt than this badass shape projected on the vent walls, a shape our departed elders assure us is base jumping off the Shanghai orb tower with a dirtbike. It does not occur to us that we could leave the vent, or even that there is a vent to leave. No, we are too busy hooting.  Never Relevant could be Ethan Hunt for all I know. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, , and John.

As director, John Woo infused the second installment of the Mission Impossible franchise with his characteristic flair for elaborate action choreography and mind-blowing stunts. At the time the movie was filmed and released, however, very few were probably aware of what its actual historical importance would be - the herald of a radical shift in bird representation in the American film industry. Considering Woo himself was the first bird ever to direct a major motion picture, he was likely keenly aware of the anti-bird bias prevalent in the casting and even technical departments of the major studios at the time, but in his brief stint in Hollywood before his return to the People's Republic of Bird China, he never explicitly confirmed that the conspicuously bird-heavy cast of MI2 was conscious activism. Regardless, audiences all over the globe got the message - birds were no longer aviana non grata in Tinseltown; no longer would they be denied the spotlight.  Never Relevant is waiting for the right time to overcome all our problems with a WiCkEd stunt. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, , and John.

....... this one was a bad idea. Never Relevant has exactly two nightmarish song and dance numbers to threaten you with over the next 90 minutes. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

In this episode, Pat and John are assassinated by a Langley company himbo for attempting to divulge sensitive information about the CIA training facility known only as Spy Mountain. Never Relevant is . You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, , and John.

Inside each and every one of us there is a young Tom Cruise who just wants to ride his kawasaki down to the airfield and cry while watching planes - Freud called this Tom Cruise the superego. There is also the ego, a Tom Cruise who wants to follow a civilian consultant into the women's restroom at an officers' club. Then there is a third Tom Cruise, the omnipresent but rarely acknowledged Tom Cruise id, who just wants to sit in the cockpit of an F-35 all day and let the deep brain stimulation orgasm device built into all F-35 flight helmets rock his fucking world. Never Relevant was made with the assistance of the Danger Zone Endowment for the Arts and a shockingly huge PPP loan. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

johnny leguizamo round goth clown rotten pizza feeding inflation and explosion ao3  oops sorry wrong browser tab, was trying to google something.  Never Relevant is a vengeful undead operator with hellish powers. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

This week we're watching a minidisc that showed up on the doorstep of the big trash can where we all live. Wish us luck!  Never Relevant is a podcast that will definitely not go mysteriously and permanently silent in seven days. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by Patrick, Hugh, and John.

Never Relevant started with a simple observation. When we climbed to the crow's nest of the content pirate ship to survey the stormy seas of content with our content spyglass, spotted the shore of Contentopia where we would climb Mount Conteverest and meet the Content Lama, who would guide us on a journey to the center of our inner contentinent where we would realize that all that we perceive to be content is merely the shadow of content being projected on the walls of content by a fire which is itself made of content, we noticed that there wasn't enough content that was busted and shitty. No one was brave enough to put out a product that was barely coherent. No one had the vision to commit to ill-advised ideas and then barely execute them. This week we take another small step toward closing that gap, another small step toward fulfilling the mission of Never Relevant as a creative and cultural project.  Never Relevant is only technically a podcast. You should listen to each episode while you watch the movie or show it's about, but you don't have to. It is hosted by John and Patrick, and generously seasoned with a kind of culturejamming dadaist technical sabotage by Hugh.