Listen Now

The lads return with important news about the nature of podcasting. Then it's off to the races with Wrong About Books segment about Jo Furniss's lovely novel, All the Little Children. Plus an ad for a chair, and some other stuff, too! Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the duck farm, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always are too many bills, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 58632: “Are Badger Bites Venomous?” An informational pamphlet from the office of the Prime Minister Segment 1: Wrong About Books - "All the Little Children" by Jo Furniss Spoilers start at 13:40 and end at 37:18. Episode Sponsor: Fartsorbent Office Chairs Music in this episode: "Meanwhile in Bavaria" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

After a long absence, the boys return to tell you all about their Protospiel escapades, in an episode rife with references to people who are completely unaware of how many nicknames they have. Revel as we tell you about prototypes that we got to play with, but you never will. Plus an all-new Mildly Alarming Theater. Also, this whole episode was broadcast from inside a huge clown. It doesn't come up, but you probably want to keep it in mind. Cold Open: Hideous Vats of Saliva Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the cave where Patrick Stewart goes instead of aging, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is an autographed 8 by 10 glossy, thank you Mr. Stewart, loved you on Star Trek, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 846: When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie That’s Excruciatingly Painful Segment 1: Protospiel 2017 Retrospective Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Chicken Monster and Dave

This is an episode of the podcast. It has a first segment, and a second segment. There are also some funny joke commercials. Please enjoy responsibly. Intro Gag: Comin' to you live from the MEAT-ing room, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a conference table made of ham, and this is the mildly alarming podcast. Episode Bacon Chairs: The Whiteboard is Steaks because the room is all meat, it’s a meating room, like a meeting room but with meat, get it Segment 1: Board Games Based On Video Games Here's that GamesRadar article we talked about Episode Sponsor: ThickPins Segment 2: Themeballin' Here's that video (and an article with pictures) about the new Chernobyl containment structure Outro Gag: SuperTies Music in this episode: 'Electrodoodle' and 'Voice Over Under' by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

This week, in the book review segment of their board game podcast, the boys review a video game. Because we live in a world of uncertainty, and you could die at any second. LIKE RIGHT NOW! Or maybe a different second. Watch out. Intro Gag: Comin' to you live from the Good Ship Cupcake, I'm Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a substance wholly unsuited to being a boat, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Threef: Pro Nography - A Study in Holiday Drink-Based Image Capture Segment 1: Wrong About... Video Games? - Firewatch Spoilers start at 13:02 and never end. Actually. Firewatch Official Website Firewatch on Steam To the Moon on Steam Dear Esther on Steam The Stanley Parable on Steam Episode Sponsor: The How-ta-do Show with Leon and Beardy Paul Music in this episode: "Cowboy Sting" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Q: When is a Mage also a Knight. A: Only when you can Ranged Attack 3 by using a white mana token on your Swiftness card to knock out a werehorse before it can kick you. That's right, kids: we talk about Mage Knight this week, and then have another round of Elephant v. Library. Adventure! Excitement! Hot, creamy dog barf! The Mildly Alarming Podcast. Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the Jungle of Hair, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a man called The Juicebeard, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 90210: The Tragedy of Sir Roland Cruspick Twun and His Many Dogs Segment 1: Game Review - Mage Knight As promised, here is an image of some Mage Knight monster tokens. Witness their arcane iconography! Episode Sponsor: The How-ta-do Show with Leon and Beardy Paul Segment 2: Elephant vs. Library - Round 2 Remember to vote for the winner on Twitter! Follow the links below for each individual poll. Round 1: Queen vs. Bruce Springsteen Round 2: Darius vs. Maurice Round 3: Dynamite vs. Paper Outro Gag: Skooshy's No-slip Shower Fungus Music in this episode: "Cowboy Sting" and "Comic Hero" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Well, the boys are at it again as they talk about what happens when you click Like buttons (goblins steal your shoes) and also what happens when you combine Settlers of Catan with Time n' Space (goblins return your shoes). Really, the whole thing was just an experiment to figure out what goblins do sometimes. Also: broccoli. Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the buffalo farm, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are freshly-sprouting buffalo, far as the eye can see, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 6.8: Well, Heck, You Can’t Paint It! Segment 1: Liking Things Is Bad How the Like Button Ruined the Internet Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Settlers of Catan Important Videos on YouTube Warning: We didn't watch all of them. Advance past the first few at your own peril. Outro Gag: Thundermittens

Apparently Tom has given up on writing these episode summaries, so I'm just going to put the lyrics to Hocus Pocus by Focus. Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh! Joladadijoladadijoladadijoladadi Joladadijoladadi-jo-o-ooh! Oooooh-oooooh-oooooh-oooooh... Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from aboard a Nantucket sleighride, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are a bunch of dudes who do NOT appreciate Jingle Bells, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 810: My Porcupine is Obese! Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theatre - Papal Bulls Episode Sponsor: Ear Quotes Segment 2: Themeballin’ Outro Gag: Spill-Proof Cup Music in this episode: "Zig Zag", "Deadly Roulette", "Tech Live", and "Bummin' on Tremolo" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0 La Cathedrale De Saint Gall Tuotilo, Hodie Cantandus Est Nobis

This week the boys review Lev Grossman's "The Magicians" and have so much to say it takes up the whole hour, and then some! Do you think they liked it? You'll have to listen to find out. (Hint: They did not.) Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the alphabet uprising, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me is always is the new king and first letter, Q, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Niner: Great Hug, Good Buddy! Segment 1: Wrong About Books - The Magicians by Lev Grossman Spoilers start at 00:13:05 Spoilers end at 01:01:10 Outro Gag: Great Hug!

You know what we all need in these days of strife and weirdness? A happy little night at the theater. You know, some men go on a stage and make sounds, we eat the corn that has popped, some other men put bags on our heads and spirit us away in a black van to wile away our days digging up soup in the soup mines. You know. Normal stuff. Stuff that is in no way weird. Totally. Normal. Stuff. Also, and this is just an experiment: Broccoli. Broccoli. Brocc. O. Li. Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a creepy murder dungeon, I’m Tom Rich and that siren just gave me away, I should probably run, this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast bye! Episode 81: A Visit to the Butt Implant Factory Segment 1: Mildly Alarming Theater Presents - The Elephant in the Room Episode Sponsor: The Sponsor of this Episode Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater Presents - Phone Support Outro Gag: Pants of Holding Music in this episode: "Meatball Parade" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

The boys triumphantly return to talk about alliances for a while: how they work, what they are, and whether or not they qualify for federal subsidies under the Board Game Development and Redistribution Act. Then they're off to a magical land of pony and dog shows to talk about some other things. Plus a guy named Larry Mayonnaise and the hottest review show on YouTube. Intro gag: Comin’ to ya live from the ice-pits of Frakrajoon, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is a clan of highly-intelligent frost baboons, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 738: ‘Kissing Spiders on the Mouth’, and Other Tales from the Boy Scouts Segment One: Partnerships and Alliances Prisoner's Dilemma Wikipedia Article Split or Steal (Prisoner's Dilemma game show thing) Also, turns out I guess we didn't review Two Rooms and a Boom. Check it out here! Episode sponsor: Larry Mayonnaise Segment Two: How to Harpoon Whales and Save Money on Bear Insurance **Outro Gag:**Bad Product Reviews Music in this episode: "Shiny Tech" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, your hosts review Knot Dice, the new game from Black Oak Games. They also completely fail to avoid the insipid "Knot/Not" joke, and thus consign themselves to comedy hell. Then it's time once again to ball a few themes with Themeballin'. Plus an ad for some sort of animal, and a visit from your favorite news team. Don't miss it! Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from an igloo, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is butt frostbite, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 7.9: It is Because the Toilet is Made of Ice, You See. Segment 1: Celtic Knot Dice Black Oak Games Knot Dice on Kickstarter Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Scott's Pet

This week on the Mildly Alarming Podcast, we talk all about a game that Tom played at an office Christmas party, and how it might be made more gamerly. Also, it's our Christmas spectacular this week, with a very special Mildly Alarming Theater, and an advertisement from an actual saint. Also something about walruses. Don't miss it! Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a sleigh ride together with you, I’m Johannes Stauffer with with me as always are horse farts, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 301: Yule Log: COOL Log! Segment 1: The Game Tom Played at an Office Christmas Party Episode Sponsor: Good King Wenceslas's Fine Dining Segment 2: Mildly Alarming Theater - Lords-a-Leaping

Once upon a time, Johannes and Tom's friend Devan said "hey guys, give me some of your money and I'll buy us the opportunity to be locked in a room where we have to solve puzzles in order to get out." And they did, and it turned out to be a heck of a good time and not, say, a front for illegal organ harvesters. They tell you all about it on this episode of the podcast, and then talk about elephants and libraries. Welcome, friend! Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the wrong side of the tracks, I’m Johannes Stauffer and… wait, no, this is the right side, that’s… no, I’m wrong… they look exactly alike. They’re the same. This is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 999: Gelatin, the Doom of Man. Segment 1: Escape Rooms Breakout Escape Rooms' website Breakout Escape Rooms on Facebook Episode Sponsor: Barry's Biscuit Bar Segment 2: Elephant Versus Library Vote on Twitter Round 1 - Arkham Horror vs. Eclipse Round 2 - Interstellar vs. The Last Unicorn Round 3 - Elephant vs. Library Outro Gag: Keepin' it Creel with Gary Smoolihan Music in this episode: "Meatball Parade" and "Comin' Round the Mountain" by Kevin McLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Sing, O goddess, the folly of the Mildly Alarming Podcast / that brought countless ills upon the nerds who made it. / Many a brave soul did it send smacking hand to forehead / and also side to side shaking the craggy brows. / For so were the councils of Jove fulfilled that day, when first the Ger-Man, Johannes, did go upon the internet with the Wee Little Ginger One. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya' live from the highest mountain peaks, I'm Tom Rich and with me as always is a man named Carl, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 18: Edward and the Giant Blender Segment 1: Route-Building Games Ticket to Ride Age of Steam 1830: Railways & Robber Barons Episode Sponsor: EatMyTorts.com Segment 2: Remaking the Game - Clue(do) Outro Gag: The Adventures of Sun-Puncher Music in this episode: "Take a Chance" by KevinMcLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

Gather around a serious table with all the other serious people to talk about serious things. Then retire to your serious room at the serious conference to tell all of your serious friends about how you lied at the other thing. In case you don't get my elaborate reference to the Treaty of Versailles: this week we talk about negotiation in games! It's fun! Also the triumphant return of Board Game Smasharama, and some other stuff probbably. I dunno. Johannes was standing on my throat while I wrote this. Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from the distant suns of the Calmagulon Galaxy, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always is STILL MORE ELECTION NEWS WHAT IS THIS HELL and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 2: A Non-agrarian Nonagenarian Segment 1: Negotiation in Games Sponsor: Dealing with Difficult People with Dr. Simon Toosh Segment 2: Board Game Smasharama - Captain Sonar and Time n' Space Outro Gag: A Superior Means of Hand Hygiene Music in this episode: Memories - www.bensound.com Licensed under Creative Commons By Attribution 3.0

The boys become obsessed with a new hashtag this week while simultaneously hoping that it doesn't turn out to be something disgusting. They talk about the difficulty of designing with tiny amounts of components, mock people who play bass, and make jokes about cattle in wedding dresses. Plus a message from your favorite news team and something about science. Adventure! Excitement! Jokes that in retrospect probably aren't ok! **Intro Gag:**Comin’ to ya live from underneath your eighth grade history desk, I’m Tom Rich and with me as always is a boogers, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode False: True! Segment 1: Making Nano Games is Hard Button Shy Games Nano Game Contest Episode Sponsor: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking News Break Segment 2: Themeballin' Outro Gag: Science! Music in this episode: Chucky the Construction Worker Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

Maybe dumb jokes will take the edge off that whole election thing? Maybe? We made some. Enjoy them!

Do you like submarines? We like submarines. And by that we mean board games where you drive submarines around, because real submarines involve being under the water for months with a bunch of sweaty sailors and probably smell, just, SO BAD by the time your cruise is done. You gotta really want to be in a submarine under those circumstances. Plus Mildly Alarming Theater and also other things! Intro Gag: Comin’ to ya live from a llama farm, I’m Johannes Stauffer and with me as always are pygmy hair giraffes, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode 783: Slip Slap; Oh, Crap! Segment One: Review - Captain Sonar Board Game Geek page for Captain Sonar Amazon page for Captain Sonar Episode Sponsor: Dingo Lingo Segment Two: Mildly Alarming Theater - Hands Up My Butt for Harambe Outro Gag: Truck Nutz Music in this episode: "Chee Zee Beach" and "River Valley Breakdown" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

Chip Beauvais emerges from his eons-long entombment in our green room this week to rule for a thousand years and also to tell us about his new game, Universal Rule. Plus a discussion of indy RPG "Everyone is John," adds for agricultural and laundry products, and Johannes sticks his hand in a blender for 45 straight minutes. Don't miss it! Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from my palatial mansion, I'm Chip Beauvais and with me as always are my adoring fans, and this is the Mildly Alarming Podcast. Episode Fifty Billion: Creamed Corn and Salami: A Cautionary Tale. Segment 1: Chip's New Game - Universal Rule BoardGameGeek Page Kickstarter Page www.buttonshygames.com Chip on Twitter Episode Sponsor: Grain Paint Segment 2: Review - Everyone is John imgur image where we discovered Everyone Is John 1d4chan Wiki page for Everyone Is John Outro Gag: Horvath the Mighty's Ironing Horde Music in this episode: "Hidden Past" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Tom didn't write anything here even though it's LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB HE HAS ON THE PODCAST. So I guess I have to tell you that this episode is about how to commit the perfect murder with everyday objects you might find lying about . Y'know, rocks, paper, scissors - that sort of thing. Then we talk about clowns for awhile, which is neat. Intro Gag: Comin' to ya live from a world of infinite recursion... Segment One: Rock - Paper - Scissors Mechanics Hey, here's that Psychology Today article we talked about! Episode Sponsor: National Council of Guys Name Segment Two: The Scourge of Spooky Clowns Outro Gag: Mildly Alarming Radio News Breaking Election News Electoral News Break