Listen Now

Have you ever felt completely and utterly alone in the world? Where your experience is one that there was just a lack of tangible support available to you. For some of us our body contracts, our stomach can hurt, and there is a kind of collapse in our system. Then, our thoughts can become dark and it’s like slipping into a void. I’ve had that happen to me before. It was not pleasant, nor was it comfortable. Yet, what I know is possible is to seek out accompaniment. So let me tell you a story. I reached out to my empathy buddy to have a check in. We hadn’t checked in with one another in a while, and I described what it was like to be me. Then, I asked if they could offer me some resonate support. One of the things that was guessed was, “Do you wish that an angel could come down from heaven right to where you are. Standing beside you, they would gently place a hand on your shoulder and acknowledge that “It’s true; you do not have corporate funding and you don’t have a pension to rely upon.” “It’s also true,” the angel says turning you to look to the other side, “that you have a heart of love and devotion, that you have dedicated to your children, especially your youngest son. And, out of that heart of compassion, you have developed your life’s work.” When I heard this, and I felt this, and I experienced this deep within my sense of self, my body softened and I came in touch with a source of inspiration awakening me to recognize who I have been created to be. Rather than that being an impossible dream guess, it was a dream come true. This person is like an angel in my life and they have known me for years. Sometimes when we falter, we need those strong relationships to remind us who we really are. So, it’s important to acknowledge the shadows. Not to make them wrong, or to stay within them in the contraction. But to also see them in the light of the truth of who you are. The first step, for me, is to notice my body sensations, this is where all of the energy and information flow begins. To recognize them and to name my experience out loud. The next step is to reach out for some support. For heart connection. Are you ready to reach out today? Meet with me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 116] #TheHealingYouMethod

How do you talk to yourself? Do you notice how you talk to yourself? How about especially when you’ve made a mistake? What does it sound like, that voice inside of your head? Do you even like yourself? I’m wondering, are you self-critical? Or are you ever NOT self-critical? Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Or did your parents compare you to others? Did they constantly compare people? Our default mode network (DMN) is the part of us that is the voice in our heads. We all have one. When we’ve had experiences of trauma, then that trauma takes over our default mode network. It reruns all the memories. It really wants us to heal. It can get stuck though. When we are little, if we don’t make sense to our moms, then as a baby our system has to run on cortisol in order to survive. This can burn us out. When a baby is born its amygdala (emotional alarm system) is hard wired to create a state of alarm in order to get a response for care. So, if we had a responsive mom, or caregiver, they would easily reflect the micro-expressions of whatever emotions we were feeling as a baby. We would experience that we make sense by having a responsive caregiver. We would grow “I make sense neurons” then and we develop more of a sense of secure attachment. When we don’t make sense to our moms or our caregivers and we have this alarm state going off and its not met with care, then we end up not knowing how to care for ourselves either. I want to acknowledge that its never too late to meet someone that can respond with sensitivity and with care so we can grow those pathways that we need to learn how to care for ourselves. When we’ve had unresolved trauma it’s possible to be held with acknowledgement that there is unresolvable trauma. What happens then is it allows there to be more movement of life energy within us, and it turns off that default mode network. So, when we can be held by another that is responsive and provides care for our CARE circuitry, then we can be empowered to name our experience. And, when we can name our experience it transforms the trauma from our nervous system and brings it into our explicit consciousness. We then have a deeper understanding of ourselves. Part of that process is when you name the experience, that there is a container, another being that is able to resonate with warmth and understanding to name the needs that your younger self didn’t have held. It’s really important work. I am really passionate about this and I’m so grateful for the resonate care that I’ve been held with to support myself and my nervous system to create an Essential Self that doesn’t judge me when I fall into one of my old patterns. But gently, and with care, welcomes me back to life once more. If you’d like to learn more about how to be welcomed back to life, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on this journey with me. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the resonance of somatic empathy and warm accompaniment? You can access the preview of “The Healing You Journey” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 115] #TheHealingYouMethod

Having disagreements with other people can be really painful, and there are many different ways it can go. Maybe it’s a surprise that there is a disagreement, but you feel really strong about the situation or circumstance and someone you care about feels different that you do. Or, maybe what’s happened is you didn’t reach out to someone, it hurt their feelings, and now they are upset with you. Maybe they give you the cold shoulder. Maybe they are fiery hot angry, and they get in your face. What’s that like for you? How do you mend that type of a rupture in relationship when you care about somebody? Sometimes these experiences can feel so raw to us that we drop the relationship. We might feel like, “I’m done with that. I’m not putting up with that energy ever again.” That can give us a clue that we have somewhere in our past made a contract that we would never do that again. Because, words like never, always, and forever, let us know that we’ve made some contracts when we were younger. When I’ve had a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, or a difference of opinion with someone, it can become what I would call a difficult conversation. How do you stay present in a difficult conversation? Well, there are some skill sets that it can be helpful to have. When I notice that I’m feeling defensive; I’m perceiving that I’m being attacked, or someone is mad at me. When I buy into that story then I’m defensive back or I think maybe it’s all my fault, I shouldn’t have done that, or I shouldn’t have said that. Then I blame myself in order to try to integrate this information that is confusing or bewildering. What I like to suggest, and remember for myself, is in those moments to slow time down, to take a pause, to make an agreement to get back together later. But, to let things cool off a bit. Then I call up and I get some empathy from my empathy buddy, because my experience matters, and I want to take the time to unpack it. When I want to make others wrong, or I want to be in that defensive posture, there is something underneath that’s letting me know that a part of me is needing protection. And, I’m doing my best to protect myself. When I take time to really be with that, and have self-compassion, it can open my heart back up with curiosity because I recognize what the need is underneath that action I’ve taken or that behavior. I want to be able to be consciously aware of it. These experiences that we have inside are needing acknowledgement with resonance. Like, of course this experience is happening! Or, no wonder you are responding in this way! And, acknowledging the why underneath that and not being made wrong is so important. When we get to that place our body can relax and we can have more of our prefrontal cortex available to us where we can socially engage. We can stay open and curious to catch the nuances of the conversation with someone else. And then, if they are wanting to blame you, then you have already received the empathy you need, the acknowledgement that you need, to stay present and curious about what their experience might be like. To listen deeply to what their experience has been. It’s not to agree with them or disagree with them, it’s to actually connect hearts with them, to resonate with their experience. From that space we can come back together. We can begin to see each other and hear each other and understand each other with compassion. The skill set that comes before that is; after I’ve received some acknowledgement for what my experience has been when I was wanting to blame, or I was being defensive, and I’ve owned that and gotten support for myself, then I want to be mindfully aware to check in with the other person. I want to check in with them to get consent whether it’s a good time to have a conversation. That is holding their needs with just as much respect and care as my own. Then we can make an agreement when we will talk, and maybe how long we are available to talk. Rather than

You know, we all have an automatic voice in our head that tells us how we feel about ourselves. This part of us is known as our Default Mode Network, or DMN. It turns on and starts running anytime we relax and are not focused on doing something. When we are stressed, what it does is worry all the time, and can get on hyper-mode with it’s worrying. It can get super intrusive, and it gets harder, and harder, to enjoy our life. The problem is, when we are stressed, our Default Mode Network thinks that the problem is us. That’s when it’s like a hamster wheel that goes around, and around, and around, and it becomes very, very critical of ourselves. It watches everything we do and analyzes it to prove that we are the problem. Well, you know, even though our Default Mode Network is deeply shaped by our unconscious contracts that we hold deep within us, it is possible for our DMN to work really well for us. When it is working well, it very easily learns self-warmth, even when this concept may be new to you. I want to acknowledge too that before we can hold our own emotions, it can be very helpful to find others that are skilled with warmth and care, to hold that space for us. When we can then learn how to turn towards ourselves with warmth, and presence, as we are accompanied, we can integrate the experience of being heard and felt and understood. We discover that we make sense and that others actually have had experiences similar to us, whereas before we thought we were all alone. So, let me ask you, would you like to be accompanied with warmth? Would you like to meet with others who have had similar experiences as you? Reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com there is a small group starting up very soon. Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? Watch the preview of my course “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 112] #TheHealingYouMethod

Today I want to ask you, when do you feel wrong? Maybe you feel wrong to ever be angry, or maybe you feel wrong to feel afraid. Some of us feel wrong when we collapse when we feel helpless. Then, others feel wrong when they experience alarmed aloneness. But you know what? You might be surprised to learn that you have a RAGE circuit. Your RAGE circuit is there to help you. Because the RAGE circuit reduces stress and anxiety. It lowers our blood pressure and regulates our nervous system. It’s our RAGE circuitry that empowers us to be protective and to advocate for whatever might be needed in the moment. I’ll admit, sometimes RAGE or anger can feel really scary. Maybe you experienced RAGE or anger being aimed at people who have less power, and that can be very frightening. It can even be traumatic. If that’s been your experience than I’m wondering, do you need acknowledgment that RAGE isn’t meant to be used against the people we love? RAGE isn’t meant to be used against people who are dependent upon us. When people have a vow to stop their anger, to diminish it and keep it small, it’s as if they are turning down the volume on their own very life energy. Our whole system, our whole body, responds to RAGE, and RAGE is activated when resources are being threatened. So, it’s important to reclaim that circuitry, if it’s ended up having blocks in it, because we turned down our life energy. If you’d like to become more familiar with RAGE as a protective life force, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? Watch the preview of my course “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 111]

I’m enjoying the sunshine coming out again in my neighborhood. I’m also enjoying having conversations with other people. Some of the people I’ve had conversations with have been really uncomfortable, and they’ve been uncomfortable because the conversations being had right now are about racism. What is racism, are you an anti-racist and what does that mean and what is held in it? This is something that hasn’t been looked at very closely in many conversations. One of the things that I’m really passionate about is slowing down any conversation to get to the heart of it. To have compassionate understanding whether I agree with the other person or not. Or, whether they agree with me or not. To have a heart connection where there is an exploration and discovery experience collaboratively that is possible. Not everyone is comfortable having a conversation like that, however. There are some people who are quite biased in their perception, and their perception, in their opinion, is the only way for anyone to perceive something. So that could be the hallmark of a difficult conversation, when someone feels that uptight about it. When they feel that rigid in their thinking that there is a lack of flexibility or adaptability. On the other end of this spectrum you can have conversations with people that just want to agree with whatever you say. They are wishy-washy, without firm roots in their own values. They want to be included, and want to belong, and so they go with the flow of whatever is happening in their environment. I like to be somewhere in the middle of that. I want to be able to stay in conversations that may be perceived as difficult but being able to stay in the conversation by being grounded in my own values and living from my heart space. When I was younger, I used to avoid difficult conversations. Some of the clients I work with, they talk about how difficult some of the conversations are and how they just don’t want to have the conversation – they want to leave. Yet, there is a metaphor I use of a tree; when you think of a tree of scarcity or of judgement, when we’re living in that tree then our thinking is judgmental. We are labeling and analyzing people, we are caught up in our own thinking, or denying responsibility, or making demands on other people and we think we deserve lots of stuff. This is a privileged way of looking at life. For me, I know I’m abiding in that tree when I’m having predominate feelings of anger, or guilt, shame and depression. I’m making myself wrong or diminishing my sense of self, or I’m making someone else wrong. That can become a looping predominate pattern that that is just the way you perceive things, with a negativity bias attached to it. When I can recognize I’m in that paradigm, that way of being, I slow down and come back into my body using my inner modalities to tune in as a multi-sensory being. I begin to sense into what is right now, which slows down all that inner chatter to begin to feel the sensations in my being and begin to link them to what is the emotional quality, or flavor of energy that is running through me. So, curiosity is a really great tool to use in this process; to get really curious about my own inner experience. When I connect it with what I am valuing it starts to clear all the mental clutter out. This allows me to open my heart to be curious about others experiences in order to stay engaged in the conversation. What I’m doing is building a bridge of trust inside of my own self with Life. It’s by having that connection with Life that supports me to stay engaged with others in Life. So, when I can recognize a pattern, I can slow down and begin to tune in to what is really happening. Then I can be curious and listen to people who speak differently than me, that have different thoughts than I do, and they ask different questions than I do. I don’t need to take it personally or get defensive or scared, instead, I can stay interested and grounded in

I’ve been contemplating something, and I’m curious, what do you do when you are speaking with someone and they don’t give you a response? They may look at you, but there is no change in their facial expression. Or, maybe they look vacantly off into space, but there is no response. It’s as if you haven’t spoken at all. For me, I consider then, what’s going on for this person? Have they been depressed? Are they having a flat affect because the depression has become very severe? Or have they been filled with anxiety, and their system has been flooded with cortisol and adrenaline and they are flat out wiped out. But how does this impact your nervous system? What do you do? How do you stay present with the lack of response? Well, I’ve been on this journey for a while now, and I have discovered that it is possible to keep showing up in our world. It’s possible to keep showing up and staying in relationship, even when you are not receiving a notable response back. It’s possible to stay curious and open-hearted. This is possible especially when you have been discovering, empowering, and enabling your own system to experience how much you matter in those moments as well. We need to be able to take care of ourselves to be available to be supportive of others. We need to be able to receive resonant acknowledgement of what it’s like to be us! In order to stay curious and open-hearted around what it’s like for others to be them. And, to have reciprocal relationships where I matter, and you matter. We all matter. We need to be held in a container where our worst moment is acknowledged. I’ve had this happen just recently and it was pretty astonishing and transformative for me. Getting to be held by another, where there is trust, to go deep. Time-traveling to my little Gloria and checking in with her. Slowing down, being in my body and checking in, what is it like for little Gloria? She was sitting there wondering how to be with this frozenness. Then, slowing down to go a little deeper, there is a fear in her, and a belief, that I will make it worse if I say or do anything. Especially if the other person is not giving a response. Really hyper-alert, hypervigilant to be able to tell, is there danger here? I uncovered a contract that my little one had inside of her, by being able to hear, “Do you need acknowledgement that it’s only gotten worse? That things only get worse in your world?” It was astonishing to receive that guess. It was like, oh my gosh! I am actually being seen for what it was like for little me. And then another guess, have you stopped breathing? Is your stomach in a knot? Is it so scary right there, not knowing how to be with your experience? Is there a need for acknowledgement that you are stuck in alarmed aloneness? When I received those guesses I could feel, especially through my right side of my neck and shoulder blade, it was this relaxation response. It was as if it had been held tight for a really long time. I was really needing to know there is no wrong thing that I could do in this world. But underneath that, the vow that needed to be released was hearing my little self believe, “Well, I must be just icky. I’m an icky person. I will believe I am icky in order to make sense of the abandonment of my life. No matter the cost to myself or those I love.” To really believe that I’m icky, and it was such a little girl voice or phrasing that came out. To meet that with warmth, resonance and compassion, that’s so important. So, I said, “Little Gloria, I hear this vow that you made to me, and I don’t like it for you. I release you from this vow, and I revoke the contract, and I bestow upon you my blessing. My blessing to know there is no wrong thing that you can do. I bless you with resiliency and courage to trust yourself. To trust your own inner knowing, the wisdom that resides within your heart, within your soul. To be able to keep showing up in this world, even when it feels so crazy making. For yo

Have you ever forgotten to bring something when you’ve gone to an appointment? I know I have. Yet, there is something different inside our consciousness where we forget, or it’s like a part of us deliberately forgets. But we want to become conscious of it. So, how do we begin to bring what’s unconscious to our consciousness? I was working with someone the other day and they forgot to bring some of the paperwork that they were planning to bring to be able to get some support around some things. When they realized, and it was acknowledged and pointed out that it wasn’t here, that they didn’t have it, they immediately had a felt sense of deep sadness that went clear into despair. There was a really big reaction to that. So, we took time to slow down the process right there. Just slowing it down and calling a pause, to uncover what were the shadow beliefs that were underlying that deep sadness and despair. They discovered that they were tapping into a sense of unworthiness. An immediate belief of, “I’m wrong. I am a failure. I’m going to be made wrong.” I don’t want to be in a hurry when this kind of a shadow begins to emerge and make itself known. I want to catch the rhythm of the person I am accompanying. So, we slowed way down and went into the heart-space. Our heart-space, the electromagnetic field there, really supports us to be in communion with the cells of our body where our implicit memories that are unconscious reside. It can make them accessible to us. So, this person slowed down to be with their inner experience. They didn’t have an actual memory that popped for them. What they did have was a felt sense that this was the way it had always been in their life. There was an experience that if there was something pointed out that they did wrong then they would be left behind or they would be sent away, or there might be harm that would be done to them. As a result of this lifetime experience, they felt like they wouldn’t exist anymore. If they were made wrong, then they would be banished. It was like a very little voice that said, “I may as well go hide under a rock and die.” Because that experience was just too hard. So, slowing down to acknowledge the need right there that wasn’t met. The need for a sense of warm accompaniment and understanding, as well as having the experience of unconditional love and acceptance. So really recognizing there was an unconscious contract here. They took the time to drop in and name the contract, solemnly swearing to Essential Self, and there was a tangle in there; they were going to stay small and innocent in order to be taken care of by others for protection. They were also going to do everything perfect in order to be loved. Because, if they felt they were going to be left or sent away, they wanted to avoid that pain of alarmed aloneness. So, slowing down to be with that and inviting in our Essential Self, our Spirit, to actually hear this contract or vow that we’ve made to ourselves in order to avoid the pain that was just too much for our nervous system, no matter the cost to ourselves or those that we love. We check in with our Essential Self and say, “Did you hear that vow that your little one made to you?” Then taking the time to actually hear it. It can be so helpful to actually see the small child self that we were, to bring up self-compassion. “Yeah I heard it and I don’t like it.” Then speaking to the child self, “I release you from this contract and I revoke the vow. I bestow upon you my blessing in it’s place.” The blessing was so beautiful. It was being blessed with love, closeness and security. For the courage to reach out and to know you have companionship in your heart. And like an elephant, you’ll never forget that. To know you’ll be met with compassionate understanding. This brought a lightness to this one’s whole head, which had felt very heavy before, and there was an experience of relaxation and the sadness had dissipated. 

I got to work with somebody who was experiencing a lot of anxiety. Their anxiety had gotten so heightened in them that they were immobilized. They could feel a rumination inside of them where they were worrying, they felt anxious, they acknowledged that something just felt wrong, but they just couldn’t get clear on what it was. They were on edge, yet there was an immobility that was happening that was keeping them stuck. Keeping them worrying about things but not clear exactly on what was keeping them stuck. They were wondering, “what is wrong with me? Why is this happening?” and their adrenaline kept increasing. I want to acknowledge that when this happens, if we have anxiety as human beings, we don’t have clarity on which circuitry has been stimulated. We have different circuitry in our system that take care of us. But, the experience of anxiety we can tell the difference if its because we are scared of something, or if its because we are feeling alarmed and alone. Those are two different circuits that we have in our system. Yet, it is possible to feel the relief, to experience relief. It’s possible for the anxiety to be resonated with so it can calm, and the miracle of that is we can do this with resonant language. We can feel felt in relationship with another. When we are accompanied right where we are, in the midst of the experience of our anxiety, we can be empowered to name how we feel. For there to be resonance with that and acknowledgement of that worst moment – what it was like – or what it is like in the moment for us. Maybe we’ve had to live with really scary things. Or maybe we’ve had to live with a very deep sense of aloneness. When we’ve lived with that for most of our lives it can be unconscious and deep in our nervous system. One of the things we can do is we can reach out and get support from another human being. Hopefully someone skilled with understanding around how the circuits of emotion and motivation work within us, to help us begin to co-regulate. Because all internalized regulation is possible by first having co-regulation with another. Our nervous systems sync up and we begin to discover something new. When we can slow down and come into our body, we can notice what it’s like, and tap into the feelings of that anxiety. We can begin to notice our body sensations. Does it feel jittery? Do we have a dry mouth? Is there an increase in our heart rate and does our breathing get quicker? Do we have sweaty palms, and do we startle really easily like we are going to jump out of our skin? That would be more of the type of experience we would have when we are having the anxiety of FEAR. Maybe our experience is different. Maybe we have a heaviness in our upper back and in our shoulders. We have a little bit of a downturned mouth; we might even have difficulty smiling. Or, we can find it difficult to meet someone’s eyes. We can have an experience of helplessness and hopelessness about ever being accompanied by another, and we can feel that physical frozenness, immobilized from the inside out. We can spiral down into a sense where we are worried, we don’t matter, or we are going to be left all alone, again. I want to call a pause and hold that with so much tenderness and care. I’ll make a couple guesses, “Did you grow up without having your fear, or your loneliness acknowledged by another?” If so, then you may not even recognize that it’s fear or loneliness that you are carrying deep inside. For some of us our circuitry can get tangled with some of our other circuits. I want to pause right there too and acknowledge with accompaniment, “Of course you are scared. And, no wonder you feel utterly alone. Because, no one has ever acknowledged these things with you.” How important it is, to be able to be with another being that can get that. When we have help to identify the blocks that get in the way of expressing our wholeness, of being who we came here to be, we can then begin that process of transfo

Life can feel really hard, and it can feel extremely exhausting. I know in my life there have been times when I’m in that place, when I’m that uncomfortable, that it feels like others just won’t understand. Or, maybe it seems as if I’m being treated different because of my age, or my gender, or my job, or where I’m at. But there is some kind of a judgement that comes, and it feels like people don’t really know me. Or maybe for you it’s like people don’t even know how to have a conversation that’s real, rather than just surface. You can end up feeling sad underneath that, and all alone. For some of us, when we go down that slippery slope, it’s a balance between falling into a pretty severe depression or feeling a lot of anger. It’s kind of black and white. As I’ve worked with others, and myself, with this problem where life just feels so hard and so exhausting, what I’ve discovered is possible is that we can be guided by a deeper source of wisdom in our life. It is possible. When we are guided by this deeper source of wisdom we go through experiences where we discover we actually make sense! That even when we were down in our depression or our anger, and we take time to be in the uncomfortableness of it with accompaniment, then our deeper source of wisdom guides us to understand that we make sense. We can recognize where we are on our journey. Not only can we recognize where we are on our journey, we can begin to recognize where others might be, and stay curious and open-hearted with them. Then we can nurture conversations. I actually like to nurture conversations with myself first, and when I’m in my heart there I’m able to be inspired to nurture conversations with others to stay relational. When we are in that kind of an experience, it’s possible to experience a sense of oneness in life. From there (I was inspired to hear another person speak about this) there can be the experience when we are in that field of oneness that we recognize others, even when we think they don’t understand, we can recognize them and say, “You are a part of me that I do not yet know.” There is an openness to getting to know this other being. With curiosity and an open-heart. So, taking the time to be in our experience is to understand “what is it that I wish to contribute to my people, to the world, to the oneness, to the generations that go on?” One of the things I wish to practice is considering others, considering how the actions, and the viewpoints, and the way I show up in this world, how it actually impacts and ripples forward into the lives of everyone else. Especially my own children and grandchildren and then their children. What I want to bequeath to them, and to the culture, and to the community that they are going to be nurtured in and grow up with, is to have the experience that everyone matters and that they make sense. Also, for there to be a practice of a way of being; slowing down to focus on our heart, to embody our life experience, and to take time to do this in relationship with others. What might that look like? It’s coming into Presence. I like to put my hand on my heart, because it supports me to focus there, then I bring to my mind someone or something or some place that brings up gratitude from within me. Then, I focus on that gratitude and allow it to develop into compassion filled with warmth and resonance. It fills up all of my energy field and then I send it forth from there. It’s a practice of loving kindness, first with myself and then out with the world. I invite you to practice this, and to notice what it’s like for you, and then maybe share it with a friend or a loved one. Let me know how that goes, I’d love to hear from you at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? You can start my free course called the “Healing

Have you ever been really cranky? Maybe more than cranky. Maybe something happened and your day, or in relationship with others, and you flipped your lid and got really angry. I want to acknowledge right off the top that for me anger always represents that there are a whole lot of needs that are going unnoticed or unmet. Or both. I worked with a client the other day who was feeling really angry. Really cranky. The trigger was witnessing the inaction of others. They felt so angry about it, because what they saw as an inaction, the people in their life were being distracted by social media, by technology. They really like their computers or spending time with their friends which was triggering a lot of emotional dysregulation in their relationship with these people. What they noticed is that it was interrupting motivation, being empowered to be in full choice and experience shared reality. This trigger was really big for them. When I talk about a trigger, I’m talking about when you get really uncomfortable in your skin. What happening is your system is alerting you that something is arising that is bugging you. When something is bugging you, it would be really great to pay attention to it and see what’s happening underneath that. With my client, what they were noticing as we unpacked it was that they were telling themselves, “It’s just the final straw!” When these other people don’t follow through with something, it’s just too frustrating for them. They would tell themselves that those people only care about others, they don’t care about me. It was something about being unnoticed or dismissed or looked over the top of. Yet, you know what was possible? To slow time down. To slow time down enough to be in the inner experience. As we slowed time down the client tapped into a memory of being five years old. They were getting to visit at their dads as their parents had split up and they had two separate homes. Their dad was talking about building a tree house, and they got so excited at the idea of getting to have a tree house! As time went on – the tree house didn’t happen. There was no follow through with it. So, this child-self was sitting with the tension and nausea that came up in their body because there was so much shame. And, as five-year old’s do, they began to take the responsibility on themselves. Because, when we are little, we have so much love for others in our life. Even when they don’t follow through. This child was thinking, “What’s wrong with us? We must be really bad. Maybe I’m a weirdo.” The core belief was “Whatever I do is never enough, it’s just never enough.” As we stayed with the body the client noticed a sense of alarm and feeling really alone. Going a little deeper beneath that, there was a layer of sadness. Taking time to sit right there, with this little five-year-old felt-sense of self. Breathing into that and noticing, what are the needs, and making some guesses. “Do you really like it when there is reliability? When someone says something, they actually do it? And follow through? And they stay in relationship with you too? Do you like consistency, curiosity and warmth in relationships and are you just really hungry for that?” The little one said, “Yes, absolutely!” So, taking time to be in our inner experience is really radical and important work. It’s not easy! It can be really super uncomfortable in our bodies. Yet, when we are willing to do that and slow down to practice noticing our emotions, noticing our implicit sea, or inner sea of experience. Slowing down and checking in with our hearts, allowing there to be some accompaniment that is warm and not in a hurry, but willing to be right there where we are. When we can begin to practice that consistently, it starts to change the neuropathways that we have, to be able to stay in relationship with ourselves. Then we can stay in relationship with others. If you’d like some personal support, or if you’d like to join a small group,

Have you ever blamed somebody for something? Or, have you been on the receiving end of being blamed for something? Blame is a funny thing; on the surface it’s a way of making yourself or others wrong, so it can be used as a weapon. If we can blame someone else, then maybe we won’t have to take responsibility for something. If we can blame ourselves, maybe we can at least come up with a reason why something is the way it is. It must be my fault. This is the way we have been conditioned in our world; to use blame in this way; to imply wrongness in ourselves and others or to criticize. I did a little exploration with this in a small group, and I tend to look into my life with my relationship with my spouse because I spend the most time with him, and we have a very strong relationship of trust. When I do these explorations, I share them with him, and I receive his blessing before I share them with the world. But they are really about me, and what is happening in my internal world, he’s just the lucky guy who gets to go along with me. First I wanted to identify my blaming statement, and what came up for me was, “He’s wrong because he goes out and he works at other people’s places and does work for other people and he’s not here doing projects for me. I want him to do a project here for me until it’s completed.” So, when I’m thinking about him, I’m wondering, is he doing this intentionally or is he abdicating choice about it? I don’t believe he is doing this intentionally not to complete a project for me, I think he’s really busy and does it for a living and so he’s wanting to take care of his clients. He also likes to gift our adult children by building things for them. When I take the time to sit with that, I wonder, what am I trying not to mourn? Or, what do I wish weren’t true? That slows me down a little. What I’m trying not to mourn is that I don’t get to have more time with him, and what I wish weren’t true is that there weren’t limited hours in the day so we could spend time together in the day more and more often. Yet, when I think about, if this other person were actually choiceless, are there implications that I’m not doing or being enough? So, part of it is I could communicate more clearly, I could make clear requests and have more conversations for mutual understanding together. The truth of it is there is a part of me that was stuck in blame because when I could just on the surface look at it, then I could say, “Well, he’s just not doing it.” And it’s a way for me to take myself off the hook. Yet, when I take responsibility for it, I’ve not been choiceless at this point, I’ve been unconscious. I haven’t been paying attention. When I take the time to really unpack it; what am I trying not to mourn? What do I wish weren’t true? I wish it weren’t true that I didn’t pay attention. I wish it weren’t true that sometimes I go to a place of not thinking or feeling. I just get busy, to try and fill in the space. What that reveals to me is the beauty of the longing in my heart. I long to live my life rooted and grounded in awareness, in aliveness, in fluidity and in the now. To really cherish each moment that I have with my husband and for there to be a reciprocal agreement around how we are choosing to use our time, and acknowledgement. That’s the beauty right here, acknowledgement of the beauty of the needs that we are intentionally meeting, by placing our attention and our time where we do. Also, the beautiful longing to trust that there is enough time for everybody, and to enjoy each moment while we are in it. To savor them. I love each moment I have with him. He is a remarkable man. This was quite a surprising experience and life lesson for me; how important it is to take the time to apply these life lessons in my life each day, and to speak about them openly and transparently with others. To invite others to begin to step into this way of living as well. Rooted and grounded in your roots of compassio

I’d like to share with you a life lesson that I have just recently learned. What it’s around is noticing your own inner pattern of wanting to do what others do. You may not even be consciously aware of it in the moment, but be so influenced by other people’s choices that are in close proximity to, or that you are spending time with. Recently I’ve noticed this in relationship with my husband. I found it fascinating, yet I had a sense that inside there was a quality like it was secretive; that it was like I was being sneaky about when I would make a choice if he didn’t make a choice. I found that just fascinating! So, what I did was reach out to my long-term empathy buddy, and I got a little support around that. We all need support in our lives, we all need accompaniment. Stepping into a container of warmth, care, and resonance, I was able to name this experience and discover that there was no shame or judgement – I was not met that way. Instead, there was an acknowledgement that I just love complete relaxation. There was a deep release inside, just being able to name that, to have the freedom to name that. After awhile I was able to notice a tension that came up my back and the back of my neck. Very much like the hair on the back of my neck standing up. Which, again, I met with a lot of curiosity and interest. What was uncovered was an inner belief that someone was going to find me and then I would lose this safe haven, and my relaxation. So, I went on alert! What this part needed, even though we had time-traveled to her, was to have the experience of time actually stopping. When time stopped, then my inner child no longer needed to be monitoring the environment. She could relax at a cellular level. There was a recognition that this is not the way it was when I was a child, most of the time. This was revealing to my friend and I an unconscious contract. It went something like this; “I, small Gloria, solemnly swear to my Essential Self, that I will steal moments of freedom with small sips and small chips that relax me. I really liked chocolate chips and I really liked salty chips! I liked drinks that were sweet and smooth and refreshing. I would steal these moments of freedom in order to make sure that my soul gets to exist in the controlling system where I live. No matter the cost to myself or those I love. Which made it really final. I had tears I was so deeply touched by my child-self wanting to make sure my soul gets to exist. Such a beautiful contract. Being with her though, and recognizing my child-self, I released her from this contract, and I revoked the vow in order to bestow my blessing upon her. I blessed her with the felt-sense that it’s not dangerous now. She gets to have the freedom not to choose what she eats, what she drinks, where she goes, and who she spends time with. She gets to do this my looking into her own heart and soul; rather than looking outside of her to see what others are doing. That is a huge difference. When this happened, it was as if she took me by the hand, and the hand of my empathy buddy, and she invited up to go up a tree with her. She had a tree in the backyard as a child, a big fur tree. She’d climb up to the tippy-top where there were branches like a seat where she would sit with whatever she had taken from the house. A lot of saltine crackers and chocolate chips; those were the favorite things. We sat up there and enjoyed the smell, being in nature, with the wind blowing us slowly back and forth. It was beautiful. From there I asked her, “Would you like to come home with me?” To which she responded, “Yes, I would!” What we got to do was another thing she enjoyed as a child. Flying. We took hold of hands and stepped off into the air where we could float, and the wind gently carried us all the way back here to Healing You Sanctuary. It was so wonderful and such a surprise the freedom that can come when we take the time to trust that there is a safe haven that we ca

Did you know that we are profoundly relational when we are tiny beings? It’s true. We are born being relational. When we have trauma that happens in our life, a good metaphor of that could be having a long string that gets in a big tangle. Have you ever tried to get a tangle out of string? Especially when it’s really fine string? One of the clients I work with has uncovered the truth that when they were tiny, they didn’t have the opportunity for others to be relational with them. Yet, because we are born profoundly relational it can cause a big tangle in our string of life. How that has shown up in this one’s life is to be close to a person and enjoying time with them, and then something in their environment triggers this trauma tangle inside, and it’s as if something takes over. Without conscious awareness there is this deep inner shift within, and a profound sense of lack, and a belief that they are just not enough, and they have absolutely nothing of value to contribute. One of these instances was triggered by the presence of another being that was contributing in a circle and was able to engage. There was something about this that caused this other person to withdraw, shut down inside, and believe “I’m not good enough.” There is a really big need for compassionate understanding and for them to be met right there in their experience. Without being made wrong. So, the practice can become, with repetition of being held in this way, we can begin to practice noticing when the trigger gets alarmed. We can notice the unfolding of this automatic pattern of this trauma bubble overcoming all out senses. We can begin to witness ourselves. As we practice this witnessing of self in action, without judgment, there is something that begins to happen inside. Especially if we can begin to practice a warm eye gaze. In order to develop this, we need to actually be held and accompanied by another that is skilled in this way. It is an exquisitely gentle process. For the unfurling of the inner being to experience being noticed, mattering, and making sense while being accompanied, rather than being left alone in their alarm. It begins this miraculous inner experience. It’s like a solvent comes in with the warmth and resonance of accompaniment, and all the sticky glue where all the trauma pieces were glued together begin to melt away, and things begin to unfurl and become untangled. What a relief this is to the nervous system! Being able to have this practice in place does require that there is a trust that begins to grow from the inside out. From one heart to another. I’m so privileged to get to journey with people as they make these discoveries and become empowered from within. Empowered to be able to name their experience in the moment, but also before that to be empowered to call a pause and drop into their body and begin to notice, and witness, their own experience. That meets needs for beauty and hope in our world, and we need more of that. If you are seeking accompaniment in your life reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 103] #TheHealingYouMethod

I want to acknowledge that trauma can be really huge for us. It’s connected to how we perceive our world as well as how we make meaning in our life. I had a session with a client earlier, and they shared how when they were getting off a call with someone, that they were in this state of feeling incapable of existing. It was as if there was a dark shroud surrounding them, enveloping them. They could sense something was awry and a deep sense of disappointment was within them, not feeling complete. Yet, at the same time there was an experience of feeling incapable of doing anything. Ever again. A sense that there was no going back to where they had been before. I’m imagining it was a kind of lostness. So, slowing down and being able to hear the message that the trauma-self had received in this experience was I’m incapable. The importance of connection in that moment with me was to slow time down for them to actually feel felt in that moment. And, to recognize that there was a part of them that had been fractured and splintered yet was now ready to feel felt. This is a very initial step in integrating past trauma, to be met right there in the experience; feeling the sense of a shroud around you, the darkness and incapability with the starkness that there was absolutely nothing you could do to get back. Then to slow time down to deepen into naming a sense of befuddlement, of not knowing what might happen next. Then there was another part that emerged as well, that had a belief that it was the end of the earth, the end of time, and they would never figure it out. They would be lost forever in this sense of befuddlement. I want to take a pause right there, and acknowledge to be able to name that after all these years of having this inner experience; of this dark shroud, and never being able to get out, or get back to how they were before. To be able to name it is a huge step in healing trauma. To be able to name and acknowledge one’s experience, to acknowledge those worst moments that they suffered in isolated aloneness. Or alarmed aloneness. We are not meant to be alone in these ways. As we were able to hold this, with gentleness and care, there was a new realization that came up; it was a stark disbelief, it was unthinkable that a child would experience that. All by themselves and hold it in and never name it. So, we sat with that too. Just to be with it, not to make it wrong, not to judge it, not to judge anyone, but to be with that experience that felt so enormous. It was enormous. Then, checking in with the body and noticing what is happening. It’s so important to keep bringing our body into our conscious awareness. Noticing our sensations, noticing any impulses for movement, and then time traveling to this younger part. First getting consent, “Is it okay if we time-travel to you?” Once we receive consent to go there and sit beside her in this experience, until there is a deepening of the breath, a shifting of the energy and felt sense of self. We then ask, would they like to time-travel home? What would that look like and where would they be? This one had a memory of getting to float in beautiful blue tropical water. It was so gorgeous and so heavenly and so light. They wanted to float and be able to be wherever they desired. What a beautiful way to invite this part into a sense of warmth into a container of safety and beauty with accompaniment. These tender parts need exquisite gentleness with their accompaniment. No pressure. Just to be where they are is enough. If you’d like to travel with some accompaniment on a journey, I’d invite you to reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Metho

How do you deal with change? It can come in many different ways. Some of us, when change happens, especially if it’s unexpected, we get angry about it. Because, we don’t like change. We like things to stay on an even keel, we like the familiarity of things not changing at all. Some of us say that the older we get the harder change becomes because we are stuck in our ways. Well, that’s pretty true for a lot of us, because it gets uncomfortable. And, we don’t like to feel uncomfortable. Others of us, we might get startled, feel really uneasy. Uncertainty can come up for us because it’s new territory to navigate and change means things are different. The need for predictability can come up. We get comfortable with familiarity. We think we already know things then; we don’t have to learn them all over again. Maybe you get scared. It may come up in the form of feeling scared you won’t succeed, or that you’ll get it wrong. I know that people like me, we don’t like to get it wrong. We want to know that we are going to get it right! Or we get worried that things are never going to feel easy again. Sometimes change can feel really drastic. It can feel like things go from black to white. Or maybe it went from black and white to wild color! Again, we are not clear on what the path is now. But, you know, the truth is that change is happening all the time. The problem is that we might not be noticing it. Change happens every moment of every day and we can notice it when we take the time to have eyes to see it. When we live with a sense of unawareness it can feel like change just sneaks up on us. This can happen in many different ways, for me most recently it happened by getting to have a new granddaughter. Because my daughter, who just had this baby, is the same age that I was when I first had a baby girl. That just seems like it was only a blink of an eye ago, and now I have a new granddaughter. This makes a lot of changes, changes that I did notice the first time becoming a mother of a daughter. Now there are new changes happening as I’m the mother of a daughter, who has a new daughter. One of the gifts that I’m receiving from these changes, is I’m noticing the patterns with more clarity and compassionate understanding. It is possible to begin to notice our reactions to changes and be able to be in response, to have choice. Rather than completing our original reaction, we can slow down and begin to respond from our heart energy. We can then even begin to welcome the unexpected and be comfortable with the unknown. How do you do this? Well, for me it’s been by developing presence, and cultivating curiosity, which helps to grow my awareness. It’s possible to learn to welcome our emotions and receive the information that they hold for us. They bring messages to us when we learn how to listen. If you’d like to join me, and get to explore this more fully, reach out to me at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com Thanks for being on the journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? You can start my free course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 101] #TheHealingYouMethod

Do you ever get busy? Do you ever get so busy that you push on, even when you are exhausted and really tired? Maybe you want to be really organized and planning things out. Wanting to make sure you have a good diet, that you are exercising to be healthy, and you are taking note of the things that you want to do. As well as, the things you don’t want to do. So, you get really busy and there doesn’t seem to ever be enough time. Maybe you are afraid you are wasting time, because you value the time you have, so you do your best to get as much done as possible. Then, there is a part of you that starts making “doing” wrong, because you also value being a very embodied presence, as “One” with the Universe. So, you start giving yourself a hard time and telling yourself that you are not doing things “good enough.” Or, giving yourself a bad time telling yourself that you don’t have enough willpower or strength. This can come in many different forms, depending upon our life experience, but when we get so hard on ourselves and fall into a sense of “lack” it can feel pretty stretching to find our way out. I want to acknowledge though, that it is possible. It’s possible to slow down and to uncover what the unconscious contracts are that are driving your behavior and running you ragged. That are pushing you one when you are just exhausted. It’s like a compulsion, you are compelled to “do.” For some of this it might be a contract that sounds something like, “I will behave as commanded in order to survive.” This was just the way we were brought up, it’s a way that seems to be in our very DNA. When we can take the time to go through a depth-process, that allows us to release that unconscious contract, it’s possible to feel empowering freedom from the inside out. It’s possible to access your birthright for joy in the present moment. For you to have full self-expression in the world. And, then, there is a sense of more lightness and even being more energized by touching into your own heart and unpacking what’s never been unpacked before. When I experience this there is a clarity that comes from inside. Learning feels easy, engaging in conversation is a joy, and there is a gratitude that leads from my heart. For me this is when “doing” comes back into balance and is in service of “Being.” What I do comes from Being in my heart, “Being” embodied in Love. That is a balance, and then what we produce is productive. So, the practice that I invite you to consider is to notice when you push yourself; slow down and breathe. Connect with your heart to calm your mind. Allow yourself to learn how to translate whatever that compulsion was that was driving you, to slow down to translate that into the beauty of the need that is underneath it. If you’d like to join others in learning these skill sets, you can preview my course at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com it’s the Healing You Journey, and I’d love to accompany you. Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Method Intensive” here: www.HealingYouSanctuary.com ..... [The Healing You Method - Episode 100] #TheHealingYouMethod

Have you ever taken a fall, gotten hurt, and needed to ask for help? I had a fall, pretty recently, I was on a hike, slipped and fell on some branches and got a puncture wound on my shin. I was laid up for awhile because it was a severe injury and I’m grateful I had the support that I needed. To be able to rest and receive support from people as I needed it. A client I work with took a tumble when they were riding their bike. Through that experience they felt vulnerable, their injuries got infected and they needed to ask for help. Yet they found they were stuck in a fear that they would be attacked and made wrong. They believed there wasn’t any guidance that they could receive. This felt incongruent to them, so they reached out to me for help. This is a different kind of help; to unpack what was causing that stuckness inside from this injury that they had and this infection, to have such a strong visceral reaction. They had some shadow beliefs coming up for them. As I took the time to slow the process down, to be with what was arising, the memories of when this person was 11 or 12 came up. They were asking for some support from their mom, and they were shut down and dismissed. They were not welcomed as they were. In fact, they were scolded and told things like, “You should have listened to me before.” When they expressed unhappiness, they would be told with sternness, “Well, I don’t know what you have to be unhappy about. You won’t find a better family that you could live with.” So, they didn’t feel included, or acceptance from a young age. They didn’t feel supported to learn how to do things, and they developed some beliefs that there was something wrong with them. They didn’t believe they could trust themselves, rather then developed the habit to attempt to control everything. Have you ever had the experience where you attempt to control everything so that it can feel safe and calm? It’s a flurry inside when we are attempting to control everything outside of ourselves. We did a little time-travel empathy with their younger self, and we were able to recognize the need for inclusion, because this part felt excluded. It felt chaotic, and like they were a failure and not worthy of acceptance. So, the needs under that are to first slow down and acknowledge what that’s like to feel in your body. When you feel you are not worthy of acceptance, to feel the sensations, to feel where in your system this energy is stuck. Then to resonate with it, to be with it, “No wonder there is a shut down. No wonder there is a vulnerability attempting to protect self from being attacked, from being rejected. As we sat with it then this person was able to tap into their Essential Self, their Compassionate Self. They were able to give blessings to the child self. They gave the blessing to trust their inner knowing, to be able to set authentic limits with others, and to have accompaniment from within themselves, with self-acceptance. They envisioned being able to hold hands with their younger self as they had an inner-parts dialogue and invited the younger self to come home with them, to live with them, to be included and experience mattering. There are two different parts; there is the child part and there is the adult part that can reach back in time and take the child’s hand and welcome them home. To invite them to come back into your own heart. As they were able to move through this process there were powerful sensations in their sternum. And, the request the child-self had for them was would they be willing to slow down in their life and take the time to become present to their body’s wisdom to check in with Self. Then there was a sense of clarity, ease and comfort. It was a beautiful healing experience. So, how important is it to be able to recognize the ever-present-past when it begins to surface in our life. To have the courage to reach out for some support when we need it. When we get to have that support, with resonance, wa

Have you ever come home at the end of a long day, walk into your kitchen and see that it’s a mess? What’s that like for you? I was working with a client the other day and this was an experience they had; walking into the kitchen and finding it a big mess. They experienced intense frustration and anger, their head felt like it was spinning and there was a clenching in their gut. The thoughts running through their mind were, “I just can’t believe that I have to do this again? Why do I have to be the one that always cleans everything up?” The outcome was a sense of resentment, a burning deep inside. They felt they had no support and were all alone. Slowing it all down to uncover some of the shadow beliefs; “I am all alone. I can’t trust myself. Life is a struggle. I’m not important. I don’t matter.” They were feeling very powerless. Slowing down right there to receive some acknowledgment around what it’s like to have that enormity rise up within them. Slowing down to be in the heart and ask, “What is ready for healing?” The astonishment is when we are open to receiving what is ready for healing, when they could welcome that, this one went back in time to when they were just a child. They were going for a long drive to go see their grandparents. Their family didn’t have extra money to buy special things, but when they pulled over at the gas station their parents gave them some money to go in and buy a pop. This was a really big surprise! They went inside, bought a pop, came back out and gave the change to their dad. Their dad asked, “Where’s the rest of the money?” They answered, “That’s all they gave back.” To which the dad replied, “That’s just too expensive, you take that back in there and get the money back.” The experience for this child was crushing, humiliating and shaming. They went from such excitement to such lowness and shame, to take that pop back in and get the money back. This experience had been buried pretty deep. Not having support. Life is a struggle. I don’t matter. No wonder these beliefs were running within this person. To be able to have some consideration and care, just acknowledging the needs for thoughtfulness, no wonder they were falling into the sense of resentment and rage, wanting to punch things. They were taking these actions from unconscious programs within them from that traumatic experience to protect themselves from the internal pain of being disempowered. In order to never be disempowered again. Being supported to slow down and hear that contract inside and ask their Essential Self if they heard the contract, and then are they ready to release it. From there they can receive a blessing. To bless this child-self with strength, consistent wisdom, to be just, generous and calm. To be blessed to know they are important, that they are the One, they make a difference in the world. They are empowered. To sit with that and feel that, deep inside, to notice what that is like. The body had a very gentle relaxation release. Then there was a sense of clarity and empowerment that comes from that. The lesson here is to recognize when we have these really strong reactions in life, it’s an opportunity to slow down and be with our inner experience, in order to have a new experience. One that supports us to stay open hearted rather than closing down. Resentment can be very powerful to diminish who we really are. When we have the courage to have the inner exploration and bring in the Light, we can be in relationship with others in that resonate field. That’s where the healing unfurls. If you’d like to explore this with me, I invite you to reach out at www.HealingYouSanctuary.com click on the links there and we’ll have a conversation. Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You. ..... *Are you ready to step into the light and out of the shadows, to experience the power of somatic empathy and warm community? You can start the preview of my course called the “Healing You Me

I was thinking about what was the lesson that life has taught me today. The lesson I’ve learned is the importance to have relationships that are built on solid, consistent, and clear communication. That is really important, because, ruptures are inevitable in all relationships. I used to think a rupture was like the end of the world when I was young. And, it felt like the end of the world, because I would feel so sad to have this big rupture between me and this other person I cared about. What I’m so grateful to have learned is that when you build consistently clear communication in your relationships with others, then you can stay engaged in the conversation, especially when there are ruptures. Just because there is a misunderstanding, or a different point of view, we don’t need to make one another wrong. And, we don’t need to make ourselves wrong either. When we can recognize that there is a difference between us, we can invite curiosity into our relationship. We first need to notice though. We need to notice what I call a “shift left”. When I shift left, I move more into my left hemisphere and I’m not as relational. When I can notice that I can slow down inside of my own experience, inviting myself to come back into relationship with myself. That’s the first step in making repairs and coming back into relationship with others; making sure you are heart-connected first. This is very similar to when you ride in an airplane and you hear the whole safety talk about putting your own oxygen mask on yourself first so you can be available to help others. The same is true with having ruptures; we can have ruptures with ourselves and we can have ruptures with others, but regardless, we need to make repairs within ourselves to have self-connection first, to have self-compassion. This allows us to have an open heart to others’ experiences. I like the analogy of trees, because I love trees, and this analogy has supported me in my life as I was on my path; learning how to self-connect and learning how to receive my own answers from within. The trees are in many sacred texts; one is the tree of scarcity or judgement, which is the tree that many of us live in and are conditioned by in our world. When we are in this tree, we live pretty disconnected from Life and can get caught up in our mind with what we are telling ourselves all the time. We can be judging things, we can be demanding things of ourselves or others, we can be denying responsibility or think we deserve better or more than we have. There is a lot of analyzing that goes on, which is not really being in relationship. When we can notice that we are wanting to imply wrongness and shame or blame ourselves or others, we can come back into our heart, I like to go down into the roots of the tree and get connected with Life energy. Have you ever seen a trees root system? They are all interconnected under the ground. When we connect into the Life energy, we begin to come back to life by connecting with how we feel in our system. We can notice, “what was it that triggered me? Right before that, what happened?” To catch; what was the shock or surprise, the hurt or disappointment? What’s the pain? We need to notice what that is like in our body. Because, when we can notice what that is like in our body, we begin our journey home from there, going into our feelings by noticing what it feels like and linking that to the need underneath it. So, there’s these connections, these tendrils, in our roots. When we get rooted in these connections it gives us a strong foundation that we can rely on. What that looks like for me is learning how to listen to my heart and how to have a practice where I get to listen to others as well so I can practice staying in the conversation. When I take time to make an observation about what has happened and ask the other person, “When this rupture happened between us, I’m wanting to check in and see how that is for you. Is there anything you’d l