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There is more to music than we can ever put into words. And I think it's the same with people. Language cannot fully describe who we are. Labels, boxes, and pigeonholes fall short. Maybe we call it our creative voice. However we describe it, our "sound" is that indescribable spirit that makes us who we are. But it's fragile and can quickly get lost beneath the world's ocean of noise. Join me for a Gentle Humdinger Workshop, where we will identify and explore the inner creative voice that often gets drowned out by the noise of everyday life. Sometimes life feels like trying to play a fragile folk song in a rowdy club on New Year's Eve. At other times, however, we attempt forcing the instrument to do something it's not designed for. So we end up bending ourselves out of shape and burning out. The Impact of Noise I've always been fascinated by the impact of sound design on mood and meaning in TV and film. Of course, if you've ever watched a horror film with the sound off, you'll know what I mean. Because it doesn't pack quite the same punch without the noises. Hearing The Same Thing in Different Ways We are influenced by the soundtrack playing within us. We all think we see things objectively, but in reality, two people can look at the situation differently. It doesn't always mean one person is wrong. On the contrary, things are always more complicated than they appear. We hear the other person, but we also hear it alongside a whole load of internal noise. Anticipation and Evidence On the whole, we see what we anticipate. When we are in a sitcom, we are ready to laugh. In a horror movie, we are primed to jump. When in an action film, we are prepared to run or fight. How do some people seem to allow things to wash over them while others in the same situation react as if the world is about to end? Decision Making When swept up in the ocean of noise, we are more likely to make decisions that take us away from our creative spirit. Noise creates urgency, scarcity, and competition. When we're in the noise, be it a state of fear, overwhelm, hangover, stress etc. So we might make an impulsive decision..."I’m quitting, never doing anything like this again, buying a new car, or buying a wireless in-ear monitoring system" (listen to the episode for that story). Sources of Noise in Everyday Life Our natural sound, voice, and creative spirit can become lost in the world's chaos. We accept and amplify the demands, expectations, and assumptions without much thought. But where does the ocean of noise come from? What component parts leave us unable to see the wood for the trees in this way (overwhelmed, burned out, and operating in a chronic state of stress)? The Ocean of Information It comes from news media and information overload. An unending and unresolved source of instant updates from all over the world. Noise is stimulation without clarity and resolution. The news is precisely that-a flow of traumatic things we can't resolve or control. The Ocean of Toxic Positivity Toxic positivity is the lie of limitless and groundless possibility in a finite world. It's the message we can do anything, be anyone, and uncover our unlimited potential. It's a state of overwhelm in an unlimited can-do reality, where impossible is nothing, we should "Just Do It", and every no is just another step closer to success. This overwhelming disturbance gets louder, faster, and more intrusive. It's the sound of humanity waging war on itself, and it takes us away from the expansive, playful, beautiful sound within us. The sound of joy, connection, laughter, and meaning. The creativity, adventure, and curiosity. It's been replaced by the drive to produce, be helpful, and prove ourselves. The Ocean of Sensory Stimulation Highly sensitive people get rapidly drained in a world where the volume is always turned up. It's exhausting to exist without true rest.

We recently finished reading The Courage to Be Disliked: How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life, and Achieve Real Happiness by Kishimi and Koga in The Haven Book Club. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I share reflections inspired by the five nights of discussions between the philosopher and youth in the book. It's been great to look at the book over four months, and I'd be up for doing it again. So if you listen to this episode and think it's something you would like to explore for yourself, let me know here. If there is enough interest, I'll get the ball rolling. Episode contentsWhy We Need The Courage To Be Disliked | 4:28The Cost of Seeking Approval: Losing Ourselves in the Quest for Acceptance | 8:54 Self-Worth, Achievement, and The Courage To Be Disliked | 9:57Does The Past Determine Our Future, or Can We Change It? | 13:16Determining Blame and Finding Fault | 16:50Unhappiness As a Choice | 18:00Interpersonal Relationship Problems and The Social Shadow | 21:42 An Age of Connected Loneliness and The Social Shadow | 22:56Inferiority, Superiority, and Equality | 24:51Holding Boundaries and Letting Go Of Other People’s Tasks | 28:23Encouragement Not Praise | 32:28Beware of The Cookie Cutter | 33:52The Freedom of Being Disliked | 34:44No One Lives At The Centre of The World | 36:14Community Feeling and The Many Centres of The World | 37:42The Storm In a Teacup | 39:59Respect For Authority | 1:07To Live in the Here and Now | 45:37The Difference Between Affirmation and Acceptance | 49:26Fear of Being Disliked and How We Judge The World | 51:24 The End is Not The Goal | 52:26The Haven | 53:36 Why We Need The Courage To Be Disliked | 4:28 The philosopher uses Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology to help the young man consider ways to change his life. It revolves around the premise that true freedom comes from having the courage to be disliked. This courage to be disliked isn't about wanting to be disliked. It's about being OK if and when people dislike us, which as long as we are alive and engaging in interpersonal relationships, will happen. We can't control what other people think, feel, and believe about us...that's their task. The Cost of Seeking Approval: Losing Ourselves in the Quest for Acceptance | 8:54 We can lose ourselves if we fear those we admire disliking us. We might park our core values and inner compass if it means being accepted and recognised by the “right” people. This reflects a script we write early in life through our drive for safety and belonging. Who must I be? What do I need to do and not do to remain safe and protected? Self-Worth, Achievement, and The Courage To Be Disliked | 9:57 I recently heard a sportsperson say, “I love winning, but what makes me a dangerous opponent is that I don’t mind losing. I’ve done it often, and it’s not that bad.” This is a particular type of freedom. He has separated losing from his story of self-worth. Acceptance at the level of being (whether or not I win, I am OK) rather than at the level of doing (I must win to be worthy of acceptance). The courage to be disliked is the same. If someone doesn’t like me, it’s their task. Although it's preferable to be appreciated, I can’t compel anyone else to respect me. That's up to them. Does The Past Determine Our Future, or Can We Change It? | 13:16 Our life is not a script we have to live by, handed to us by someone or something in the past, but something we write in the here and now. While past events influence the story we live, they don't determine what happens next. Read the full reflection on The First Night: Deny Trauma. Determining Blame and Finding Fault | 16:50 “Who can we blame?” is a question that permeates society today. Unfortunately, it’s often our first response. As such, we might spend time pointing fingers, looking over our shoulders, and covering our tracks, ironically creating a more dangerous world to protect ourselves from.

How can we nurture environments and habits for playful mischief and gentle rebellion in our lives, relationships, and communities? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I chat with Emma Bearman, the founder of Playful Anywhere, whose mission is to catalyse creativity, inventiveness and playfulness at home, work, and on our travels. Episode ContentsThe Transformative Power of Playfulness in a Serious WorldPlay Through Boredom, Limitations, and Our Own ResourcefulnessThe Joy Of Seeing Others Have FunMischievous CuriosityConnecting Through Our Universal ExperiencesChildlike Wonder and DaftnessThe Space Between Here and There (or here)A Gentle Sanctuary in The Middle Of The NoisePlay is in the Person, Not The ToyThere is Play EverywhereMake StoriesSlow DownChoose The Playful Lens The Transformative Power of Playfulness in a Serious World The benefits of play are not easily measurable. The roots go deep, and they can transform our lives, our communities, and the world over time. Experiences are often carefully crafted so that they are consumed or performed rather than created by participants. Do we feel like we belong in the places we live? In a world oriented towards consumption, participation in making, creating, and exploring ourselves and the world can be an act of gentle rebellion. Play Through Boredom, Limitations, and Our Own Resourcefulness Have you ever felt creatively blocked by the paradox of choice? Can too much time and too many resource options inhibit creativity? Emma and I discussed the potential of small places and how play is like digging deep into nothing and coming up with treasure. The Joy Of Seeing Others Have Fun Emma talks about building environments and nurturing conditions for meaningful things to grow. She doesn't need to be in the centre and loves standing by and watching people play in spaces she has helped create. There is something delightful about seeing something you've facilitated bring joy to people engaging with it. Mischievous Curiosity Playful mischief can include combining objects and ideas in unusual places and ways (like turning shipping containers into Playboxes). Where are the gaps waiting for us to bring weird things together? Playfulness is disarming. Like humour, it is a way to question the status quo without creating defensiveness in others. You can achieve aims and create radical change in playful, friendly, cheeky ways without being antagonistic and "poking bears" with sticks. It provides space to address serious issues without dividing and backing people into positions where they won't listen or engage with others. Playfulness is a soothing balm that gives us another way to hold the false binaries and positions we are often expected to adopt. It reminds us of all the common ground and the public space we can meet, grow, and engage with each other at the level of being. Play is an empowering spirit that allows organic change to occur. It doesn't require force or performance. Connecting Through Our Universal Experiences The question, "what was it like for you growing up?" is another disarming way to connect with people. We all have a story and formative reasons for becoming who we are. This connection to childhood may have positive or negative memories, but they underpin this story and provide a pathway to empathy and compassion. Play can lead to self-compassion. Allowing us to get alongside our inner child and give them what they needed but didn't have. And we can reconnect with what gave them joy. Childlike Wonder and Daftness As we grow up, we don't need to lose our childlike wonder and daftness. On the contrary, it's an essential aspect of our humanity. It is liberating and constructive to say, "I don't know the answer; let's explore and experiment!" Rather than believing that we need to know (or pretend to know) all the answers. This is important for our well-being and is transformative as...

Are you spontaneous? Can you go with the flow when plans change or if something catches your attention and invites you to follow it? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we look at the characteristics of spontaneous people and explore how we might add more spontaneity into everyday life. This was the topic of our Haven Theme Kota when we chatted about creating conditions for more spontaneous acts of gentle adventure and play. Table of contentsWhat is Spontaneity? | 4:14Spontaneous Rest | 7:16The Spontaneous Story We Tell Ourselves | 9:10Building Life on Spontaneous Foundations | 11:31Impulsivity, Compulsiveness, and Spontaneity | 13:12The Space Between Stimulus and Response | 18:50Spontaneity and Gentle Rebellion | 22:47Impulsive Goals | 24:25Spontaneous Acts of Kindness | 28:01Trying Not to Try | 36:43Spontaneity Grows in the Gaps | 40:23How To Practice Being More Spontaneous | 42:33 What is Spontaneity? | 4:14 “Spontaneity is enjoying the moment as it unfolds or experiencing something unexpected with open arms. Spontaneity is agile, adaptable, and responsive to new information. It is a willingness to go in a new direction at a moment’s notice. It is a creative burst of energy.” Ann C. Holm We might imagine spontaneous people as being constantly on the move. Highly energised and ready for an adventure at the drop of a hat. But it's less about what we do and more about how we hold life's invitations. Spontaneity is an active willingness and participation in the choice. As Holm writes, “it’s not completely without restraint. Someone spontaneous tends to take a quick inventory of the big picture before deciding to proceed." A spontaneous decision "occurs without external stimulus", controlling or compelling it. Spontaneity is freedom from pressure and expectation. Spontaneous Rest | 7:16 Is rest a spontaneous option for you? Rest might not be an option, primarily when other demands compete for attention. As such, we often push ourselves to the point where rest is no longer chosen willingly. Finally, we are exhausted and have no choice but to stop. Spontaneous rest should be an option if we want to enjoy more sustainable rhythms and energising routines. Maybe it's about flipping the compulsion to earn rest by doing a bit more first and saying instead, "I might do a little more after I've had a rest". How often does the "more" feel less critical through a well-rested lens? The Spontaneous Story We Tell Ourselves | 9:10 We might close the door to spontaneous choices with the labels we use to understand ourselves. These can be helpful, but sometimes the story we tell ourselves about who we are can compel us to act in specific ways and diminish our preferences and desires. This might mean we hold ourselves back from accepting one of life's spontaneous detours. Building Life on Spontaneous Foundations | 11:31 Spontaneity isn't a demand to say yes to everything. It's simply the willingness for yes to be an option. What if we could create the conditions for spontaneous growth in a meaningful direction? When connected to our core personal values, we have an inbuilt compass that guides our response to the inspiration around us. In addition, it gives us confidence in our intuition when filtering any opportunities and invitations that may appear. Impulsivity, Compulsiveness, and Spontaneity | 13:12 We all experience impulses. The urges, instincts, and gut feelings that prompt us to react. But what do we do with the impulse? Impulsivity = acting based on the urge (no second thought about implications or consequences) Compulsiveness = acting without thinking (a habit that "just happens") Spontaneous = the choice to flow in a different direction (aware and accepting of potential implications/consequences) The Space Between Stimulus and Response | 18:50 Shops place items they know people will impulse buy next to the checkout.

Confidence grows when we feel safe to fail and make mistakes. Sports people typically attribute confidence to believing they can beat anyone. So I was surprised when an England cricketer linked the team's recent historic success to their willingness to lose games. The England test cricket team has been playing a completely different brand of cricket. It's expansive, exciting, and "fearless". As a result, it comes across as extremely confident. But is that confidence built on what they can expect to happen when they fail instead of simply believing they can beat everyone? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I explore the idea that confidence (and excellence) can be grown in unlikely places when people, things, cultures, and processes make it feel safe to mess up. Table of contentsThe Three Little Pigs | 3:12Confidence And The Desired Outcome | 10:16Misplaced Confidence | 13:50Confidence is The Safety to Fail | 20:10Good Leaders Show It's Safe To Fail | 28:30Playing It Safe Is a Failure of Safety | 31:32Bringing vs Burying Failure | 33:48What Happens When We Run Out? | 36:32Fear of Being Misunderstood (Bad Faith Is Unsafe) | 41:00The Team Makes It Safe To Fail, The Crowd Not So Much | 45:20Arrogance ("Over-Confidence") is a Lack of True Confidence | 50:32Safety To Fail And The Road To Excellence | 57:40Hunting For Confidence (A Courtyard Workshop) | 58:56 The Three Little Pigs | 3:12 Do you remember the story of the Three Little Pigs? It's a perfect tale to help us consider different sources of confidence in everyday life. Confidence And The Desired Outcome | 10:16 We often think about confidence in broad and general terms. When we do this, very few of us would not wish we had more of it, making us susceptible to products and services advertised with a promise of helping us become more confident and self-assured in life. As such, we will always come up short again. So it's far better to consider our confidence in particular situations, environments, and projects. The three pigs had an objective. They needed to build strong, resilient houses that withstand adverse winter weather and keep the big bad wolf at bay. Misplaced Confidence | 13:50 The first little pig wanted to build his house as quickly as possible so he could play. He had confidence that there was nothing to worry about. The second little pig wanted to build a better house but was distracted when he saw his brother playing. He had confidence that if there weren't any storms or wolves, things would probably be okay. The third little pig wanted to build a house that he could trust. He had confidence that if he did the job properly, his home would protect him from the weather and the wolf. Confidence is The Safety to Fail | 20:10 The third little pig creates a safe environment. WHEN the winter weather hits and WHEN the wolf comes knocking, he knows he can rely on the house he's built to keep him safe from what would otherwise be harmful. The environment that the current English cricket leadership have built is similar. Rather than saying, "we won't lose", like the first two pigs, they have created an infrastructure around the safety TO lose. Safety is a source of confidence. It means you're free to focus on what matters more than worrying about what happens when things go wrong. Good Leaders Show It's Safe To Fail | 28:30 We are often so afraid of failure that we try to deny its inevitability. However, in many industries, if you're not failing, you're not succeeding. Failure is a by-product of taking risks. If you work in intelligence, innovation, or any industry that makes predictions, if you're not getting things wrong, you're not taking the necessary risks to get things right. Certainty is only possible when it's too late. The best leaders show us that it's safe to fail. Not to encourage sloppiness but to reassure us that it will be OK on the other side.

Since early 2021, I've been haunted by a tweet I read: “If you're not grimacing every time you look at old work, then you aren't growing.” I decided that I needed to put the icky feeling to use. So I'm using it as inspiration for an exploratory journey into creative growth and self-compassion. Because I don't want to live in a world where people grimace every time they look at their "old work". That sounds like hell. So in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I want to explore how we might enjoy, rather than belittle, the bravery that gave rise to "old work". We will think about the difference between casting and using judgement to develop, mature and grow as people and in our creativity. And open up space for healthy foundational growth that doesn't follow a one-dimensional linear path. Episode contentsCreative Growth WITHOUT Grimace | 1:38Grimace-Growth is Imbalanced | 7:5What Does Creative Growth Look Like? | 12:46There Are Different Grimaces | 16:21Using vs Casting Judgement | 20:55Judgement as Shame ("I should be better") | 23:36Judgement of Project ("this could be improved") | 25:22Judgement of Opportunities and Desires | 29:35Using Feelings of Inferiority | 42:52Superiority Complex is an Inferiority Complex | 44:43Victim Mindset | 47:06Demands For The External World To Change | 48:24Willing Others To Fail | 49:06Replace The Disowning Grimace | 53:54Make Peace With Past Efforts (Equal But Not The Same) | 55:00Handing Over: A Bridge From Somewhere to Elsewhere | 56:11 Creative Growth WITHOUT Grimace | 1:38 When I internalise this grimace, it's not just about my relationship with my old work. It's about how I hold myself and other people. It's about how I relate to EVERYTHING. So, for example, if I was doing the best I could and still grimace when I look back at it, what am I doing with other people who are doing the best they can where they are? What sort of world does this approach create in the long run? Grimace-Growth is Imbalanced | 7:5 It's tough to grow from a healthy foundation when we feel the grimace looking at us. It evokes shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. It can leave us in a spirit of urgency and desperation. What Does Creative Growth Look Like? | 12:46 In The Burnout Society, Byung-Chul Han writes about the rate of acceleration in the world and what is happening to a culture that erodes "intervals, betweens, and interruptions", replacing them with restlessness, hyperactivity and mental exhaustion. Positivisation pedals the idea that action makes us free, yet we see it doing the opposite. In the name of "growth" and "progress", we are becoming automatic performance machines rather than subjective beings with the power "not to do". Growth isn't endless. It hits limits all the time. We reach a point where we won't get taller, our capacity for physical strength peaks, and our hair gets thin. How do you know you're moving in the right direction? What does it mean to keep growing as people? Is this a trap that separates us from ourselves? There Are Different Grimaces | 16:21 Not all grimaces are the same. The same facial expression can communicate different aspects of personal and creative growth. The "Last Big Push" Grimace: a facial contortion that shows you put every ounce of energy into striving towards the end (e.g. getting down the home stretch and over the finish line). The "Something's Wrong" Grimace: reacting to a disturbance in the anticipated flow (e.g. a wrong note, weird flash, bad smell, or strange taste). The "I Couldn't Do That" Grimace: a reaction to seeing someone do something scary or out of reach and imagining yourself doing it yourself (e.g. the idea of public speaking). The "Embarrassed For You" Grimace: cringing at something someone else has done - perhaps a relatable failure ("I know the feeling, and I'm glad it's you, not me") or a judgement ("what were you thinking!?")

Machines can obviously perform tasks that once required human intuition and creativity. So what do we have left? In the long run, is there anything in human thinking that will differentiate us from artificial intelligence? Yes. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I talk to neuropsychology professor and author Dr Chris Niebauer, who is the author of No Self, No Problem: How Neuropsychology is Catching Up To Buddhism. There is so much to unpack about creative play, flow, and learning to hold ourselves and the world in more helpful, healthy, and humane ways. Since I first read the book, I've wanted to speak with Chris. And if you've ever wondered who you are, then I'm sure you'll enjoy our conversation! Episode contents"Where is the self when no one is thinking about it?" | 10:22Thinking With a Both/And Approach | 14:32Split-Brain Research and Investigating Two Sides of The Mind | 15:04Tools of The Thinking Interpreter | 18:22Who is Left When Things Change? | 19:18Thinking Through The Past, Future, and Present | 21:06How To Engage The Right Brain Without Over-thinking It | 25:46You Can't Force The Right Brain To Play With Left Brain Thinking | 30:14Don't Confuse The Symbol For The Thing | 33:51Embracing Non-Dualism in a Binary World| 35:37Thinking of Life as an Escape Room | 36:22Most of Everything is Nothing | 1:07The Joy of Bad Days | 45:23Memory, Meaning, and The Constant Self | 1:07Playing With The Story of Self | 58:43Mind 2.0 (Human Creativity and Artificial Intelligence) | 64:31Music Inspired By The Conversation | 75:34Support My Music on Patreon The way we process information and make decisions is heavily influenced by the functioning of our brain, precisely the distinction between the left and right hemispheres. While the left hemisphere is associated with logical and analytical thinking, the right hemisphere is thought to be responsible for creative and intuitive thinking. But is it really that simple? "Where is the self when no one is thinking about it?" | 10:22 Chris says that many of the problems we experience in life are tied to our self-concept. The question of who we are. Or who we believe ourselves to be. But what if the self is little more than a series of stories we tell ourselves through categories, names, and labels? Do these explain what it really means to be us? Who are you when you're not thinking about it? Thinking With a Both/And Approach | 14:32 We are not searching for the true self on one side or the other. We want the enjoy the dance of left and right brain integration in our experiences. Split-Brain Research and Investigating Two Sides of The Mind | 15:04 Split-brain research refers to the study of the effects of severing the corpus callosum, the structure that connects the two hemispheres of the brain. It suggests there are two fundamentally different modes of processing the world, which we can shift between. This has led to the popular idea that the brain's left hemisphere is more logical and analytical and processes language. In contrast, the right hemisphere is more creative and intuitive and processes spatial information. For more information about split-brain research, Chris recommends The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World by Iain McGilchrist. Tools of The Thinking Interpreter | 18:22 The split-brain studies found an inner interpreter in the left brain, which makes up stories to explain the world and justify our decisions. Categorical identities inform our judgements and beliefs. The story of me that can be taken away at any minute (what we invest our sense of identity in). We need categories, judgements, and beliefs but problems often stem from how we hold them to the idea of an essential or true self. The right brain embraces a more eternal, non-material, and non-categorical position. The self is fundamentally mysterious; if you think you've pinned it down,

There's been a shift in the conversation about strength and character. Some weird messages have infused mainstream culture and are clearly impacting how people relate to one another (and themselves). We sometimes confuse weakness for strength and write off strength as a weakness. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I want to dive into weak traits that I've seen confused with strength. We will think about the characteristics of genuine strength and consider ways to create conditions for more of it in ourselves and others. Episode contentsWhat is Strength? | 3:31Unavoidable Heavy Lifting - Life in Funeral Care | 5:42Physical Strength | 7:57Emotional Strength | 9:34Letting Go of What We Carry | 12:40Find Healthy Ways To Unload | 13:17Collective Strength From Sharing The Load | 14:32Domination, Power, and Control | 17:01Gentle Force | 24:10Brittle Force | 26:25Personal Weakness Through Symbolic Strength | 27:24 Flexibility and Stress Responses | 29:54How To Strengthen an Argument | 35:02Avoidance, Resilience, and Support | 37:01Strength and Humour | 44:30Active Stillness | 50:17The PauseThe Haven What is Strength? | 3:31 Strength is the ability to lift, carry, pull, throw, and hold heavy things. But not just physical stuff. We also need the strength to hold, carry, and let go of situations, people, challenges, emotions, stressors, thoughts, and other everyday things. Unavoidable Heavy Lifting - Life in Funeral Care | 5:42 I worked in the funeral industry for six years as an undertaker. I discuss some of the strengths the job required from and developed in me. My experiences continue to teach me much about what strength means and how we see it demonstrated in the world. And also, some of the ways we confuse weakness for strength, especially in our expectations for how we ought to hold (conceal, deny, hide) the burdens we carry. Physical Strength | 7:57 One lesson from that job was that the strength of the whole is greater than the sum of the strength of individuals. It's about more than power. It requires learned technique, awareness, understanding, and thoughtful preparation. When you understand what a situation requires, the resources you have to use, and you plan appropriately, strength comes through collaboration. You put everyone at risk when you believe you can do it alone (or that you don't need others). Emotional Strength | 9:34 The job also taught me about emotional strength. In a moment of chaos, confusion, and grief, we need to anchor into other people as a source of strength. Sometimes we need someone to take control of the situation and guide or direct us with simple stepping stones that give us small footing when we're all at sea. Other times we might need an undemanding calming presence around us. And sometimes, our way of coping with loss is to take control of the world around us (organising people, events etc). I learned it takes strength to be flexible, to be what's required in that moment, and not to take it personally. Letting Go of What We Carry | 12:40 If we don't have healthy ways to let go, we might shut off and bottle feelings up. This can lead to indiscriminate, inappropriate, and uncontrolled expressions of unprocessed emotions. In the same way, as we might shake out our muscles after heavy lifting, it's essential to do the same with our emotional muscles. To warm down, stretch, and release it all in ways that work for us. Find Healthy Ways To Unload | 13:17 Shaking out the emotional muscles looks different for everyone. It might be going for a walk, getting fresh air, creating, writing, recording experiences, talking to a trusted friend or family member about it, singing, playing with kids or animals, and so on. Whatever brings us back to our creative core. Collective Strength From Sharing The Load | 14:32 We are more likely to feel weak when we are isolated and alone. This is especially true when we face challenges and struggle...

It isn't easy to keep up with the pace of life. It can feel like time is running away, and there's always more to do than we can manage. So it's no wonder many people are trying to figure out how to slow it all down. But what does slowing down mean? What do we want to let go of? And how do we make these changes in a world that expects more and more from us? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I want to go beneath the surface and explore some of the profound benefits of slowing down. Episode contentsSlow Consumption in a World Of Instant Knowledge | 2:41Slowing Down and Control | 8:23What's The Point of Personal Productivity? | 10:53How Does Slowing Down Reduce Stress? | 13:31What Would Help Me Slow Down in Life? | 15:38Perception of Pace | 22:40What Do We Want When We Seek a Slower Life? | 27:51Slowing Down Our Important Tasks | 30:42The Risk of Rushing | 33:40Speed as a Tool | 35:56Why Do Time Management Tools Make Us Busier? | 37:05Enjoyment is Not The Destination | 40:12Where Do We Get to Slow Down Now? | 43:45Slowness is a Beautiful Waste of Time | 45:14Why I Call Myself a Slow Coach | 46:56What Would You Like To Waste Your Time On? | 48:08What's The Rush? Enter The Sanctuary of Slowness | 50:47 Slow Consumption in a World Of Instant Knowledge | 2:41 This topic is on my mind as I plan the next Haven Book Club. We are reading The Courage to Be Disliked, to which we will dedicate the next four months. What will slowing down make possible? How much more will we see, explore, and experience by not rushing? What will greet us in the gaps between the sessions and the vast depths as we reflect and process the ideas, and our conversations about them, over time? It's reassuring to know that we could quickly acquire an overview of a book's core concepts if we had to. So what if tools like Blinkest, StoryShorts, and Snapreads allow us to take our time with the books we want to read instead? To mine the depths for the kind of wisdom and mindful insights that don't come from knowledge hoarding. These valuable tools can reinforce and support our goal of slowing down. But only if we choose to approach them that way. If we only ingest bitesize nugget versions of books, we might struggle to open space for the inner conversations that lead to self-awareness and intentional growth. Slowing Down and Control | 8:23 Slowing down can help us let go of the need for control. It's about understanding that growth starts with roots that emerge from seeds planted in the dark. These are processes beneath and beyond our field of vision. Not an easy thing to do in a world that likes quick and visible results. What's The Point of Personal Productivity? | 10:53 I spent a lot of time, money and thought on productivity tools and time management techniques. I would hand hours over to designing my "ideal week" and perfect processes to deal with emails, social media, and my morning routine. But invariably, the more I focussed on being productive, the more overwhelmed I felt. This "productivity trap" is where we end up using productivity to free time to do more. It seems obvious, but it doesn't feel like it when we're stuck in that mode of thought, where we tell ourselves that with the right formula, technique, or process, we will finally have all the time in the world for the important stuff. This is accompanied by that dreaded feeling that we should be doing more. Because there is always more to do, even if we optimise our routine and clear our schedule, "more" will slip in. If these productivity techniques are not helping us do what we're already doing but slower, they are probably not helping us. Rather than asking, “what do I want more time to do?” maybe we could ask, "what do I want to be able to do more slowly if I choose to?" We can use that as a starting point from which to design the foundations of our life. How Does Slowing Down Reduce Stress? | 13:31

Are there people in your life who drive you up the wall because they hold very different beliefs from yours? Maybe you've drifted from friends and family members because conversations turn heated and hostile whenever you try to change their minds. Konrad Benjamin is the creator of Ideas Digest, a podcast that aims to build bridges of connection between world views at war. "Politicians, religions, algorithms and mainstream media make money on dividing us all and building higher and higher walls around us". When I first listened to the Ideas Digest Podcast, I was struck by the gentle rebellion. This was Konrad's commitment to looking beneath the surface, searching for empathic connection, and meeting people in good faith, even in the most challenging conversations. These are practices that the world needs more of right now. Episode ContentsChanging and Softening Minds | 3:17Prohibition Doesn't Change Minds; It Hardens Them | 9:44What Are Ideas? | 12:41Making Our Minds Up | 16:51How We Hold Others When We Encounter Them | 21:02Our Fixed Mind Illusions | 24:50Universality and Non-Belonging | 25:50Distance Not Difference Hardens Minds | 33:32Foundational Assumptions and The Expectations We Carry | 36:45Every Position Is a Strategy To Meet a Need | 43:18What REALLY Changes/Softens Minds? | 45:47Brittle Fragility and Weak Minds | 51:34The Story of The Mustard Seed | 52:59 It's easier than ever to connect with like-minded people around the world. There are also many ways to mute, block, and walk away from people who think differently. And while this can be a helpful soothing balm at times, it also has a damaging impact on our ability to encounter and engage with people when we don't see eye to eye. Views, ideas, and beliefs become entrenched, and we dehumanise those we can lump into "people like that". This trajectory has clear implications. We've probably all experienced its impact in different ways. Changing and Softening Minds | 3:17 As I've often said, gentleness is not about being weak and passive in conflict. It's about approaching the path ahead with the best tools for the job. It places space and time between the stimulus and response. And meets the world with a firm back and soft front (humility, curiosity, and a meaningful sense of vision) rather than a brittle back and a rigid front (firing weapons while hiding from the world). We react to the present and create the future in the same movement. How we act today as individuals and collectives set the tone for the world we encounter tomorrow. Prohibition Doesn't Change Minds; It Hardens Them | 9:44 I asked Konrad what drives him to talk with people whose ideas he might instinctively oppose. He says, "these ideas are not going away", and suggests we have a choice to make. We can push them underground or seek to understand where they are coming from so we can consider and respond to their roots. Cultural and social prohibitions often occur at a symptomatic level. But we know from history that banning things, while it might make them disappear from view temporarily, can lead to more extreme expressions down the line. We might mistake coerced silence for willing consent. But when this happens, the mind that feels silenced becomes hardened. It doubles down, seeks allies, and prepares to fight back. What Are Ideas? | 12:41 I find ideas mindblowing. Not any particular views, just that we have THEM in the first place. We can imagine, think about, and process completely abstract concepts—things we cannot see in a physical sense. We can then turn them into objects, systems, and experiences. Whoa! In this episode, I aimed to look at how we hold ideas. What do we attach to our beliefs? How do these thoughts define us? What is at stake if we change our minds? How do we hold other people and their ideas? Do we see the person beneath the belief, or do we encounter humans at their word and no deeper?

Are you waiting for the noise to quieten and the disruption to pass? Are you hoping for some serenity? For some time, energy, and permission to finally focus on the stuff that matters to you? Or enough thinking space to eventually FIGURE OUT what that stuff is. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore our relationship with the concept of serenity. We ask whether it's a destination to reach or something a little closer to home. And if it isn't a destination, how can we create and nurture more of it in everyday life, so we engage with the here and now rather than always waiting for the next storm to pass? If we can't find it now, we won't find it then. If we can't find it here, we won't find it there. Episode ContentsThe Arrival Fallacy of a Calm and Peaceful Life | 1:35What Is Serenity? | 4:07Serenity Gives Us Options | 6:34Serenity is Safety | 7:27Serenity is Flow | 9:09Serenity is Surrender | 9:29Serenity is Acceptance | 10:39Serenity is an Inner Home| 11:12Serenity is The Calm After a Storm | 12:26The Difference Between Serenity and Tranquility | 14:00Serene People are a Source of Confidence | 18:49Serenity IS Connection | 21:31Obstacles to Inner Connection | 23:19Do You Get The Feeling You're Being Watched? | 25:52Connect With Meaning | 33:28Man's Search For Meaning | 36:38Connection With Other People | 40:30True Connection is Not a Transaction | 42:57Practising Serenity | 45:06Practise The Art of Noticing | 46:24Take an Alternative View | 49:34Accept and Invite Play | 50:48Share What You Notice | 53:42The Haven | 56:33 The Arrival Fallacy of a Calm and Peaceful Life | 1:35 “Arrival fallacy is this illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness.” Dr Tal Ben-Shahar What Is Serenity? | 4:07 In a Haven Theme Kota session, we discussed the idea of serenity not being a destination. We started with what serenity is (and isn't). Serenity Gives Us Options | 6:34 It was suggested that Coco Chanel wore a hat at home when people visited to pretend she was on her way out, just in case she wanted an excuse to escape. Was this a source of serenity? Or did being poised and ready to run reflect a state of unpeaceful alertness and discontent? Serenity is Safety | 7:27 Serenity grows when we feel safe. But is feeling safe the same as feeling protected? Why does this difference matter? Serenity is Flow | 9:09 It's the inner flow of creativity, where we are drawn to what interests us, not what we should do to fit in or be accepted. Serenity is Surrender | 9:29 In many ways, serenity is the absence of pursuit. So if we search for it, it disappears. It's a sense of peace in the present. It's about HOW we go, do, and be, rather than WHERE we go, WHAT we do, and WHO we are. Serenity is Acceptance | 10:39 Disturbances are inevitable in life. Serenity allows space for an authentic reaction to the noise. While simultaneously holding space to pick from an ever-expanding library of potential responses we have chosen to build. Serenity is an Inner Home| 11:12 Like a home that comes with us wherever we go, it's something we grow, nurture, and reinforce within ourselves. It's built from the inside out with acceptance, connection, meaning, creativity (a spirit of expansion and possibility), and playfulness (inviting the time to stop and engage unproductively). Serenity is The Calm After a Storm | 12:26 Serenity is that feeling afterwards when everything is out. The emotions can be named, held, and let go. The clouds can disperse and dissipate. Serenity is not just the calm after the storm; it's surrender to the storm itself. It knows that to process life, sometimes a storm needs to happen. The Difference Between Serenity and Tranquility | 14:00 Serenity helps peace flow from the inside to the outside. Tranquility aims to invite peace from the outside to the inside.

A cornerstone is a core around which everything else takes its shape. It's the primary reference point, which determines the position and character of the structure around it. Anything can become a proverbial cornerstone. It's a source of meaning and purpose. A simple core to which we choose to commit our time, energy, and attention. We all shape life around cornerstones. But we might not be intentionally aware of what they are. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we will use this image and think about ways to apply it to our lives. Table of contentsA Cornerstone For Change | 4:20A Lot Can Change In A Year | 12:40Our Inner Vocabulary | 15:19Experimenting and Play | 19:05The Problem With Chains and Streaks | 17:25Balancing and Sequencing | 20:32The Best Time To Plant a Tree | 22:59Life as a Separate Entity | 26:25Life As Serenity Island | 31:52But It's Deeper and Stronger | 33:32A Cornerstone of Cascading Change | 36:02How To Identify Your Cornerstone | 39:32Part One - What are your creations for the past 12 months? | 40:49Part Two - What are you letting go of this year? | 42:24Part Three - What would you like to continue? | 43:40Part Four - What would you like to start? | 44:16Making Sense Of Our Cornerstone | 47:51 A Cornerstone For Change | 4:20 A Haven Courtyard workshop I did with Brandon Bennett inspired this episode. Someone Brandon worked with shared the idea of setting a cornerstone for change. He had chosen "cooking" as his theme at the start of the new year. Brandon's friend committed to cooking meals from scratch once or twice a week, which he hadn't really done before. Beyond the cooking itself, this commitment became a cornerstone of change across various areas of life. For example, it impacted his relationships, health, creativity, confidence, and business. A Lot Can Change In A Year | 12:40 People overestimate what can be done in one day and underestimate what can be done in a month. By committing to do one small thing regularly, we can change the trajectory of everything over time. Cooking one or two new meals each week adds up. Showing up between fifty and a hundred times over a year, the impact gradually takes root. Skills, experiences, understanding, stories, and opportunities are all contingent aspects of living with a simple cornerstone. So rather than prioritising everything, we can trust that the other important stuff will begin to take shape around the cornerstone. Our Inner Vocabulary | 15:19 Brandon talked about how he became aware that some words were not helpful. For example, rather than thinking about new habits as "challenges", he approaches change with a spirit of "experimentation" and "play". This is not about the words themselves. But instead, it's about how to engage with what the terms represent. In this respect, a cornerstone is a point of freedom and expansion. It's not a burden, like a proverbial millstone around the neck instead. Experimenting and Play | 19:05 For example, when it comes to identifying a cornerstone, if a particular word feels heavy, pressurised, or like a strain on your nervous system, we can find one that doesn't. It's incredible how often we attach weighty words to our desire for positive change in life. The Problem With Chains and Streaks | 17:25 For me, the millstone can appear in the pursuit of chains and streaks. If I see success as doing something every day, the need to keep the streak going can become more important than the underlying change. Balancing and Sequencing | 20:32 Likewise, the word "balance" can feel unduly weighty. It seems like a noble and positive state of being, but it's an impossible quest. If by balance, we mean we want to hold everything equally and evenly, we are setting ourselves up to fail. Because we can never achieve perfect balance. When we live it, life by nature is unbalancing and destabilising. We might think of life as a sequence of events instead.

“Nobody really owns anything. We give back our bodies at the end of our lives. We own our thoughts, but everything else is just borrowed." - Deborah Ellis (From No Ordinary Day) In one of our Haven Kota sessions, we discussed self-belonging through the lens of ownership and possession. Where do control and entitlement fit with belonging? What does it mean for things to belong to us? How does it feel to belong to something or someone else? Why are some belongings more cherished and valuable than others? How do we hold ourselves, others, the world, our lives, goals, and relationships? Do we own them? What would it mean to give life back at the end? How much do our desires, emotions, and passions own us? What does it mean to be pre-possessed or owned by something? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore what it means to see ourselves, our lives, and the world in the light of these questions. What if they are all borrowed? Episode ContentsYou Can't Take it With You | 4:41Earning The Respect to Borrow | 6:56Living On Borrowed Time | 14:56Steal Like an Artist | 20:09The Difference Between Borrowing and Theft | 20:55The Burden of Originality | 24:50We Belong To Something Bigger | 28:02We Are Borrowing a Greater Story Than a Hero's Journey | 29:48The World Likes Possession | 37:15People Like Us vs People Like Them | 38:40Don't Leave Your Longings Unattended | 41:30You Can't Connect Dots Forwards | 44:23Collective Consciousness and A Borrowed Moment | 48:29Everything is Borrowed (Us Included) | 51:16Giving Thanks For What We've Borrowed | 52:18New Does Not Mean Better | 60:22The Haven | 61:30 You Can't Take it With You | 4:41 I regularly heard the phrase, "you can't take it with you", during my years as an undertaker. It is often expressed about the accumulation of material possessions and wealth. For some, it was a reason to spend without regret. For others, it was a reason to give without fear. But whatever the ramifications, its underlying premise is universal…whatever we collect, gather, and possess in life doesn't come with us when we're done with it. Everything is borrowed. Earning The Respect to Borrow | 6:56 How do you feel about lending things to other people? Would you happily give your stuff to anyone, or does trust need to be built first? How do you feel about things you borrow? Do you treat them with more or less respect than things you own? It might depend. Living On Borrowed Time | 14:56 We talk about "living on borrowed time" after a severe diagnosis or near-death experience. It's what we might say when confronted with our mortality. But is this time any different from our experience of time...all the time? In the episode, I share a story from childhood, when we were leant a games console by our hairdresser. I still have no idea why (I developed a solid theory while recording). But I remember the feeling when we were told we only had a few days before we needed to return it. I became focused and clear on the only thing that mattered: completing Sonic The Hedgehog. How is our mindset and approach to life affected by the reminder that everything is borrowed? Steal Like an Artist | 20:09 In his book, Steal Like an Artist, Austin Kleon suggests that there is no such thing as a truly unique or original idea when it comes to creativity and art. I agree wholeheartedly, though I might not describe the process as "stealing". Kleon writes, "how does an artist look at the world? First, you figure out what’s worth stealing; then you move on to the next thing. That’s about all there is to it." The Difference Between Borrowing and Theft | 20:55 There seems to be a difference between stealing, borrowing, owning, holding, using, collaborating, sharing, contributing, remixing, and plagiarising. We might describe stealing as deliberately depriving the rightful owner of their property. What Kleon describes is more like "honouring, studying,

“Blessed are the weird people: poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters, and troubadours, for they teach us to see the world through different eyes.” - Jacob Nordby In my six years as an undertaker, I was always struck by the ordinary weirdness of human beings. Eulogies are filled with memories of mundane idiosyncrasies, quirks, and funny habits. These are things we treasure and miss about people. Weirdness is par for the course of humanity. We are all weird in our own way. And yet we learn to fight those parts of ourselves that don't fit the mould. We hide them, judge them, and crush them. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown defines belonging as “the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us". She says, "because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging but often barriers to it." And then later, in Braving The Wilderness, she described “the quest for true belonging” as underpinned by our “courage to stand alone”. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we ask how we might nurture the courage to embrace and express our normally weird selves in life. Episode ContentsWhat Makes Us Ordinary is What Also Makes Us Weird | 1:48The Parable of The Blind Men and The Elephant | 6.29Ordinary Weirdness in Everyday Life | 9:33Belonging in The Wilderness | 14:30Self-Belief, Impostor Syndrome, and True Belonging | 21:26Entitlement vs Belonging (True Safety) | 23:32Perfectionism and Conditional Belonging | 26:12An Ode to Imperfection and Ordinary Weirdness | 32:40Stop Caring THAT People Think | 38:44Ordinary Weirdness and The Courage to Be Disliked | 41:44Identifying Our Path - Confidence in How We Go | 48:21The Temple of Dreams | 53:36What is Alive in You Right Now? | 66:14 What Makes Us Ordinary is What Also Makes Us Weird | 1:48 Ordinary weirdness is not something that can be forced. It's how we express our experience of life as the proverbial elephant. The Parable of The Blind Men and The Elephant | 6.29 You may know the story of the six blind men who wanted to figure out the form of an elephant. One man felt its trunk and believed the elephant was a thick snake. Another found the ear and compared it to a fan. The third felt the elephant's leg and imagined it like a tree trunk. The fourth man felt the creature's side and likened it to a wall. Another man felt its tail, believing it to be like a rope. And the last could touch the elephant's tusk, declaring it to be a spear. “We get stuck in the metaphor of language. But it’s really the abstract sensation that connects everything. Art that is sensual goes straight to the ball of sensation that is in the centre of us. It bypasses words. This is what is Real.” - Alex Paxton My friend Alex talked about his relationship with art and its role in his understanding of life. Language is the imperfect tool we use to try to make abstract things concrete. But life is a lot like the elephant. We can feel and describe different parts of it. But none of us can ever capture the entire thing. And even as we define it, we do so with comparisons to other things. So art (and a life of ordinary creative exploration) keeps us moving around the elephant, finding new ways to feel, imagine, and describe it. But we never fully grasp it. Our experience and understanding of reality sits at the heart of our unique and weird ways of seeing the world. This is why there is always another piece to paint, song to sing, book to write, and truth to speak. Ordinary Weirdness in Everyday Life | 9:33 We discussed this in a Haven Kota session and recognised that "weird" is not an easy word for everyone to hold. It can carry baggage if used as an insult or criticism. There isn't a perfect word to describe this ordinary everyday weirdness. We thought about "authentic", but that carries a sense of essentialism,

Deep processing is a core aspect of high sensitivity. But processing is an important thing for all of us to do. And it's not easy to find the time and space for it in a fast-changing world that never takes a breath. This is what we're exploring in this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast. How can we create better conditions for deep processing in everyday life? Table of contentsResponding to a Fast-Changing World | 2:23Shallow Rivers and Deep Lakes | 8:29Cold Bucket Experiences | 14:03When You Feel Unseen and Unknown | 18:14Over-Empathy and Deep Patterns | 21:25Deep Processing and Loss | 25:20Levels of Processing | 35:33Deep Overground Processing and Response Flexibility | 37:14Deep Underground Processing | 42:23Depth of Processing and Downtime | 44:30What Happens Without Deep Processing? | 49:23Slow Coaching and The Deep Processing Approach | 52:51Conclusion - Prepare to Be Unprepared | 57:04The Haven | 59:30 Responding to a Fast-Changing World | 2:23 Everything moves so rapidly in our modern world. There is pressure to process and adapt to changes much faster than we have had to in the past. We are exposed to huge amounts of information and expected to somehow make sense of it and apply it to our own lives. So how do we process and respond to such a fast-paced world? Shallow Rivers and Deep Lakes | 8:29 There is an old proverb that says “shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.” What does this mean for our sense of self-belonging and our ability to absorb change? When things are thrown into our life from outside, like a big rock, a great splash and disturbance occur as it comes flying through the surface. But after a while, the rock is absorbed into the landscape in the depths of this body of water. There is an unshakeable power to the deep lake. That can be both safe and terrifying. In the story of the Steadfast Tin Soldier, we meet a character who appears to be a deep lake. But his silence, stillness, and stoicism speaks of unbelonging. He seems unable to express his true needs and feelings; hamstrung by the story he's been taught to believe about himself. Absorbing the blow is one part. But for true integration to happen we must also respond to it in some way. The change that happens around us fundamentally changes something in us too. Whereas the Tin Soldier appears unmoved and unchanged because he can't allow himself to feel his needs or need his feelings. Gentleness gives us the firm back and soft front to be flexible and adapt to the situation at hand. It is the openness, awareness, and intuition to choose based on what we see in front of us rather than what we think we ought to do. When we allow space for deep processing we nurture a deeper pool of options to draw from in different situations. Cold Bucket Experiences | 14:03 In her book, You Don't Owe Anyone, Caroline Garnet McGraw tells the story of what she describes as a "cold bucket experience". I share the story in the episode. You can also hear Caroline talk about it when we spoke. In childhood we might hear messages like: “Why are you doing it like that? That’s stupid!” Or “that’s just your imagination – grow up!” And “only an idiot would enjoy that kind of thing”. Or “why are you crying? You need thicker skin if you’re going to survive the real world”. These messages prompt us to filter ourselves as we make sense of what we need to do to avoid rejection. So we might recoil, hide, and replace those parts of ourselves that we feel ashamed of. And amplify behaviours that we believe will help us gain approval and acceptance, safety and belonging. Cold Bucket Experiences are similar to what might be described as "small-t" or "paper-cut" traumas. They feed the script that we write for our route into belonging and safety from a very young age. And without a bit of examination and space for processing, they become well-worn paths that we walk throughout our lives.

Sometimes drift comes through the endless pursuit of goals we hope will make us happy. Or it might come as we passively float along the path of least resistance, hoping something motivates us to take action. There are many different ways we can find ourselves drifting through life. We never drift to a destination we have consciously chosen. It's through deliberate movement in the right direction that we get to where we want to go. Sometimes we need to pick up the oars and start gently rowing in a new direction. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore ways we might find ourselves drifting in life. We will think about where we might be drifting right now and how to turn our drifting into repeat blooming. Episode contentsLate Blooming | 5:05Conceptual Types | 10:56Experimental Types (The Late Bloomers) | 11:24Society’s Preference | 12:07The Impossible Question | 14:50The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Life's Drift | 18:55A Different Way of Being | 20:13The Treadmill of Pursuit | 23:02Slower Souls and Experimental Trailblazers | 26:45Contributing Factors To A Life of Drift | 30:25Everything Is Breath | 34:10The Top Five Regrets of The DyingStrip Away The Complexity | 38:33Make The Right Thing The Easy Thing To Do | 40:24The End Goal is The Starting Point | 42:07The Waypoints Are the Whole Point | 43:47There’s Always a Way Back | 45:21The Return to Serenity Island | 48:32 Late Blooming | 5:05 Do you feel like a late bloomer? "The more I learn about late blooming, the more I think we're all late bloomers. Our society pushes us to achieve early, to all of our detriments. I can remember feeling like a late bloomer in my 20s, and I certainly feel like one now, in the midst of a career change in midlife! Really we should be embracing late blooming, or as I like to call it, repeat blooming. Life just feels so much better when you believe that it has more than one act." Kendra Patterson Late Bloomers don't just approach life at a slower speed. Their orientation to the world is different from what we might consider normal modes of operation. Kendra encourages us to find reassurance in the differences between conceptual and experimental types of people. Conceptual Types | 10:56 Conceptual Types have a clear picture of how they want things to look. They work seductively. In other words, they know where they want to go and have a clear plan. Weinberg and Galenson (2019) looked at the lives of Nobel Laureates in Economics. They found that Conceptual innovators made their most significant contributions to the field in their mid-20s. Experimental Types (The Late Bloomers) | 11:24 Experimental Types start with a step and build incrementally. Often without a clear picture of where each step will lead them. They connect dots as they go. Discovery underpins their creativity. They work inductively (accumulating knowledge from experience). In the research, Weinberg and Galenson found that Experimental types made their most significant impact during their fifties. That's thirty years later than their conceptual peers. The future emerges from a pathway of incremental curious exploration for experimental types. We connect dots and build from one experience to the next. As such, life is naturally slower to unfold and evolve. This is why experimental people are often "late" or "repeat" bloomers. It also explains why experimental types might sometimes feel like we are drifting through life. Society’s Preference | 12:07 Society doesn't openly encourage an experimental approach. The effectiveness and efficiency of conceptual thinking are far easier to measure. You either succeed or fail with the goal you have set yourself. Society also celebrates and glorifies stories of youth and early bloomer success. This puts a countdown timer on a person's sense of self-worth. And if we miss the imaginary boat, we might resign ourselves to the belief that our fate is to drift through life instea...

Perfectionism and a fear of failure can hold us back from doing what matters to us. But what about fear of success? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we look at the role fear can play when it comes to holding back so things don't go too well. I was inspired by this episode of Kendra Patterson's Stepping Off Now podcast. She drew from an article called, 8 Reasons a Fear of Success, Not Failure, Is Holding You Back to ask whether “Fear of Success” is anything more than another term for a fear of failure. I take this question and explore it further. If it IS different to a fear of failure, what is it we are actually afraid of? What IS success? And can our wariness and suspicion help rather than hinder our relationship with meaningful change, progress, and growth? Episode ContentsChange as a Threat | 2:16But What IS Success? | 7:178 Reasons Fear of Success Might Be Holding Us Back1. We're Afraid of the Unknown | 9:272. We’re Afraid of the Demands Success Might Make of Us | 12:023. We're Afraid of the Responsibility Success Might Bring | 14:124. We’re Afraid of the Attention Success Could Attract | 15:525. We're Afraid of Losing Our Identity | 17:536. We're Afraid Success Won’t Bring Us Happiness | 19:437. We’re Afraid of Losing Those We Care About | 21:108. We’re Afraid We Might Get Carried Away with Success | 24:21Foreboding Joy | 28:06Anticipatory Grief | 31:54Wariness of Success | 34:24The Trappings of Success | 44:40Doing Well, Doing Harm and Business as Usual | 46:29Feelings And The Fear Of Success | 58:06Conclusion Change as a Threat | 2:16 Success can feel like a threat to our sense of safety. Change is often difficult to embrace and instigate, even when we deeply desire it. There are a lot of unknown aspects when it comes to making change happen in our lives. Even if we are excited about having it, we can struggle to get going if we don't have a safe and simple map to follow. We choose old patterns, behaviours, and choices over the fear of discomfort and uncertainty. The “Mere Exposure Effect” or Familiarity Principle says that when we make choices, we tend to gravitate towards preferences for things we recognise. But What IS Success? | 7:17 Have you ever thought about what success actually means? How would you define it? Maybe it's a feeling. Perhaps it's a state of being. Or a context-specific outcome. It's a word that can mean many different things. Yet we often expect everyone to be on the same page with it. I saw the phrase, “we all want to be successful” a lot when reading about this topic. At first glance, it seems like an obvious thing to agree with. But think about it for a moment and the words become slippery and empty. What do we mean by "successful"? Is your definition the same as mine? Do we value the same things? 8 Reasons Fear of Success Might Be Holding Us Back In the original article, the author gives eight reasons fear of success might cause someone to sabotage their own progress towards things that matter to them. 1. We're Afraid of the Unknown | 9:27 We might worry that we won't cope with the changes success might bring. What waits around the corner if this goes to plan? Maybe we fear the unknown potential consequences of success. What if we can't cope with everything that follows? What if we accidentally invent an atomic bomb? 2. We’re Afraid of the Demands Success Might Make of Us | 12:02 What happens when I achieve this goal? Are people going to demand more, bigger, better? Will I lose creative control? Will everyone want a piece of this? A piece of me? That sounds exhausting. 3. We're Afraid of the Responsibility Success Might Bring | 14:12 In Top Gun, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell (Tom Cruise) is satisfied with his position as a naval captain. After many decades of service, he still gets to fly planes and do what he enjoys so much. People assume that something must have gone wrong in his career.

There are three types of change in life. First; there's the kind we know is coming but can't stop. Secondly; the kind we make happen ourselves. And thirdly; the kind we can't see coming. In this episode, I look at the first kind and ask how we embrace change - rather than resisting it - as life moves from one season to the next. We cannot prevent the change that comes from time doing its thing. But we can learn to gently release any anxious resistance we might feel towards it. That's what we will do a bit of through this episode as we explore how to embrace change as part of life even when we find the idea of it uncomfortable. Episode ContentsTypes of Change to Embrace | 10:22Ageing (our own and others) | 10:32Evolution of Belonging(s) | 13:32Relationships | 15:46Education | 17:04Work | 19:02What Embracing Change Makes Possible | 21:03Hope and Hopefulness | 21:54Depth | 28:10Clarity and Vision | 28:50Our Best Work | 29:35Perspective and Wisdom | 30:06The Risks When We Don't Embrace Change | 30:43Childish Immaturity | 31:02Shallow Living | 31:47Stuckness and Nostalgia | 32:13Forever Fighting | 38:40How Do You Embrace Change? | 39:06Gratitude | 39:42Move With The Train | 40:22Reflective Preparation | 41:28Anticipatory Grief | 42:11Keep a Record | 45:31What Would a Time Lapse of the Past Year Look Like? | 47:31Conclusion | 49:56 Types of Change to Embrace | 10:22 We have an obsession in the modern world with fighting time. Fighting natural processes and the movement of the seasons. I want to ponder in this episode what could happen if we surrender this need to control, fight, and dominate nature. The dawn signals the emergence of the sun on the horizon. It is coming whether we wish it to arrive or not. Likewise, a few hours later, the sun will disappear and the dusk will take us into the night. To wish for the day during the night and night during the day is to waste our energy and emotion on the unchangeable inevitability. We waste a lot of energy on things we cannot change. And we neglect the things we can. We might also neglect the slow and steady becoming of our lives. Ageing (our own and others) | 10:32 The modern world holds age and ageing in a strange way. We judge it, shame it, and hold it as something to fight. So it's no wonder why we're afraid to embrace change if it's collectively judged so harshly. And it has become an act of rebellion to accept and invite the changes that come from natural ageing. Even though it happens to EVERYONE. All of us. Evolution of Belonging(s) | 13:32 There are other things that naturally change with the passing of time. Communities Maybe you've experienced the evolution of a community you've been part of. Whatever things are like right now is not how it will stay. Communities change as members drift in and out, novel ideas become old, and challenges shake things up. Our resistance to change can mark the beginning of the end. Whereas if we embrace and roll with it, changes can keep a community fresh and moving forward. Products Over time the novelty wears off. We eventually get used to and bored by the things we own. And as newer versions are released, our old product feels tired and outdated. But we can use this awareness to change our relationship with stuff. Bearing in mind that however shiny and exciting something appears right now, over time it will become like everything else. Relationships | 15:46 Relationships change over time. They move through seasons of growth. They might experience periods of stagnation. Change is always present whether we want it or not, so it takes deliberate work to maintain healthy connections with people in our lives. Education | 17:04 There's an episode of Rick and Morty when Jerry is creating a solar system model with Morty and he starts to add Pluto. Morty tells him that Pluto is "no longer a planet." When Jerry confirms this to be true he resists it.

"How can I stop being so introverted? Any advice would be very welcome." I was asked this question for the first time a few years ago. I've been asked it many times since. In fact, the blog post I wrote in response to it was one of the most visited articles on my website. I wanted to help introverts to move in sync with their natural rhythms instead of resenting them. So I've turned the post into a podcast episode so that we can explore what this might look like in more depth. Episode ContentsWhat Do You Want to Stop Being Introverted? | 4:47Isolation in an Alien World | 8:32But Everyone Seems So Happy | 13:58What Do You Mean By "Introverted"? | 20:28How To Stop Being an Introvert | 23:14It's About How We Are, Not Who We Are | 25:34Acting Out of Character | 26:11The Pros and Cons of Personality Tests | 33:57Labels and Traps | 41:07Embracing Who You Are | 44:22 What Do You Want to Stop Being Introverted? | 4:47 It's easy for me to say "just embrace your introversion, it's who you are", but I know it's not that simple. There are good reasons why we might wish we could stop being an introvert. Especially when we compare ourselves with the person we are told to be by society. Our natural preferences don't always fit with the values of a noisy, overstimulating, extrovert-centric world. It can feel like we don't belong. Like there's something wrong with us. And of course, we might wish we could change that. Isolation in an Alien World | 8:32 Do you ever get the sense that everyone else is in on something and you missed the meeting? Have you looked at others and envied how comfortable they are, interacting with an overwhelming world. They appear unfazed by the madness. They know what they’re doing, where they want to go, and what they need to do to get there. Laurie Helgoe says that this is very common for introverts. An idea she articulates perfectly in Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength. She describes two kinds of responses introverts might have to an extrovert-centric world: Shadow Dwelling Introverts: “Appear (if they can be seen) as reclusive and inaccessible – alien.” Accessible introverts “Do not come off as remote or intimidating because they have almost adapted to the extrovert culture” The potential problem we might face through these ways of adapting to a noisy world is that they can create alienation. We might become alienated from the world around us as the shadow dweller. Or we alienate ourselves from core parts of who we are deep down as the accessible introvert. Life gets exhausting when we feel like we have to spend it hiding. There's nothing wrong with being reclusive if it gives us the platform to flourish. But if we are hiding and harbouring resentment about the world we wish we could be part of, then it's not helping us flourish. Likewise, many people see themselves as social introverts. They love spending energy on other people and experiences, but they need plenty of downtime to prepare and recover. But if we spend all our energy pretending to fit in and be something we know we're not, then it's not helping us flourish. If we don’t fully accept or understand what it means to be introverted we can find ourselves in a state of limbo. In a place where we might feel it necessary to make that choice: to disappear or to play along. But Everyone Seems So Happy | 13:58 Much of our world is driven by perception. We are encouraged to believe that who we are is not enough. Where we are is not enough. And other people are enjoying the things we don't have. But these stories are believable. It's easier to tell the story that other people have their lives together than to realise the truth; that no one is whole and complete. The stories we tell ourselves about what life could be if only we were not who we are, might reinforce our sense of alienation and self-loathing. Happiness is little more than an occasional passing highli...

I don't know about you but sometimes I push myself to the limit and something that would normally inspire me feels like an overwhelming noise. We often stretch ourselves to life's edges. And we squeeze the margin for inspiration to breathe and grow.  Margin is a characteristic of gentleness. It softens the blow of unwanted change and allows inspiration to flow without overwhelming us. But the world often demands productivity, efficiency and the elimination of waste. And in such a place there is little margin for deep and healthy inspiration to truly land. In this episode of the Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore what happens to our creative spirit when we live without nurturing margin for inspiration. We will look at the signs to look out for that tell us we're too close to the edge. And we consider the role of rest in life; asking whether it's more than simply the opposite of activity. Episode ContentsTriggers and Inspiration | 8:29Trigger Warnings | 10:12Why Am I Emotionally Reactive? | 14:49How To Cope When Feeling Triggered | 16:38The Power of Margins | 19:58Margins Bring Focus and ClarityMargins Keep Grubby Fingers Away From The WordsMargins Absorb Excessive InspirationMargins Cushion Slips and BleedMargins Make Things More ComfortableMargins Protect The CoreMargins Allow Holes To Be PunchedThe Power of Rest | 26:03Rest is Not One Side of a Binary Divide | 27:38The 7 Soul-Freeing Sources of RestPhysical (Passive and Active) | 30:11Mental | 32:03Emotional | 33:21 Spiritual | 35:11Sensory | 36:27Social | 38:40Creative | 41:15Conclusion | 45:26A Short Meditation on Rest | 47:18 Triggers and Inspiration | 8:29 An inspired surge of emotion can be overwhelming. It might be hard to tell whether fear or excitement is running the show. It might be a little of both. But unless we leave margin for inspiration, we don't have the capacity to inquire. While we often associate emotional triggers with negative stimulation, they can come from desirable sources, too. A trigger is a prompt that causes something to happen. It might be a deliberate part of a physical device like a switch on a kettle. Or it might be harder to spot like sensory stimulation such as a taste, smell, visual, sound, or texture that prompts a conscious or subconscious memory. If we're feeling exhausted, inspiration can seem overwhelming. But there's a difference between being and feeling inspired. When inspiration overwhelms us, margins provide a cushion to hold and absorb whatever is emerging. Even when we don't feel ready to do anything with it just yet. Trigger Warnings | 10:12 On her Instagram, Dr Susanne Wolf talked about what to look out for when recognising emotional reactivity to external stimulation. Sudden Physical Changes (increased heart rate, fast breathing, muscle tension, stomach clenches, feelings of tightness in the chest, nausea).Sudden Cognitive Changes (confusion, overwhelm, irritation, indecisiveness, distractedness, unresponsiveness)Sudden Emotional Changes (fear, frustration, anxiety, despair, sadness, grief, yearning)Sudden Behavioural Changes (becoming argumentative, alarmed, alert, lashing out, giving up, withdrawal, procrastination, agitated, shutting down, blaming others, restlessness)Sudden Irritation By Seemingly Unrelated Things (touch, noise, sound, people, textures, scenery, places) These sound like signs of an overwhelmingly negative situation. But the responses don’t necessarily distinguish between positive and negative stimulation. We might even experience many of them when we're inspired. Why Am I Emotionally Reactive? | 14:49 What is causing this heightened state of emotional reactivity? In the post, Dr Wolf shares observations we might make, like feeling dismissed, ignored, attacked, afraid, insulted, manipulated, humiliated, excluded, offended, betrayed, alone, ashamed etc. I would also add some other triggers for emotional reactivity.