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The GAG: A Spoopcast
82 minutes | Dec 18, 2020
The Rocky Horror Clip Show (w/ Christian Luu!)
This episode was a long time coming (recorded BEFORE November, omg) but I had so much fun gagging on THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (1975) with comic and writer Christian Luu (@christiandluu)!Also lots of distractions, including Controversial Broadway Opinions, our favorite Action Heroes (and their d*cks), and the reason I wore an underwire bra nearly every night for a whole month.Follow me! @JoshuaSimonSaysSupport the Pod! www.patreon.com/gagpodStay safe and stay sane. You can do this.And finally, send Matthew Morrison to Gitmo (or just Will Schuester? Matt's fine, I guess).
95 minutes | Nov 26, 2020
My Father, John Waters... (w/ BJ Colangelo!)
Writer/Director/Polymath of Scares BJ Colangelo ("POWERBOMB") drops in to talk about father-of-filth John Waters' PINK FLAMINGOS (1972). We only go off track to discuss important things like finding queer- and trans-friendly doctors, how to do a B'more accent, and trashy reality shows!Plus plenty of fangirling over Mink Stole, Divine, Dracula's Daughter, and more.Follow BJ @bjcolangelo for more of her writing and film news, and check out her and Harmony's pod, "This Ends at Prom."Follow ME @joshuasimonsays or www.patreon.com/gagpod and rate and subscribe and junk! Don't be a sausage d*ck!Happy Turkey Time, gremlins. Stay safe and stay sane. Luv y'all.
80 minutes | Sep 18, 2020
Vitamin Cuck (w/ Arielle Dundas!)
It's that time of year again (Fall). The kids are back to school (not really!) and suburban life remains pristine (incredibly untrue!). New Amsterdam's own Arielle Dundas zooms by to talk Patriarchal Horror THE STEPFORD WIVES (Bryan Forbes, 1975).Plus: The similarities between Florida and New Jersey! Organic vs. Store-Bought Women! And, most importantly: Can men grow and develop as humans if they are born straight?All this plus the 2004 remake, which is too gay not to mention. Bette Midler is there, for crying out loud!Follow Arielle @ArielleDundas !!!Follow MEE @joshuasimonsays and join my patreon fam! patreon.com/gagpodCW: SPOILERS from Stepford, plus misogyny and all the bullshit that entails...Be sure to like and subscribe and junk! Don't be a dick!In conclusion: Get rich. Get a plane.
65 minutes | Sep 4, 2020
Justice 4 Midge (w/ Rebecca Kaplan!)
Quarantine Queen Rebecca Kaplan (Glass Houses Comedy, every Tuesday!) talks the ART of comedy, Hitchcock, and (of course) the rampant misogyny of both! Oh boy is VERTIGO (1958) a wild ride...CW: Spoilers for this classic gag start at ~25:00, plus murder, mayhem, and a dizzying fear of heights.FOLLOW Rebecca on Twitter and IG @RebbecaTKaplanand moi @joshuasimonsaysRate and Subscribe and junk! And VOTE. Don't sit this one out, gremlins.And finally: MADELINE KAHN 4 EVA.
61 minutes | Aug 20, 2020
Spell "Perineum" (w/ Elani Cooper!)
Yes, I had to look up how to spell it. Electric kitty Elani Cooper chomps on Stuart Gordon's RE-ANIMATOR (1985) with me. Also: I talk to your pets! We talk about Curt the Russian! And str8 men remain an utter mystery to all!Watch Lovecraft Country and tell me what yall think?CW: The usual: spoilers, violence, oppression, p*ssy-eating. My PATREON:www.patreon.com/gagpodFollow me @joshuasimonsays and Elani @ElaniKitten (Twitter) and @electricrosekitten (IG). Rate and subscribe and junk!I love all my Russian Bear Fans!
51 minutes | Aug 10, 2020
NIGHTBREEDERS: The Lost Episode (w/ Carl Williams!)
Hold onto your tear-away Faces! Big Tyme Gaymer Carl Williams gags on Clive Barker's NIGHTBREED (1990) in an episode recorded about five weeks (or eight Quarantine Years) ago!!! Hence, enjoy this Lost Episode of a bygone era!We discuss gaming, gayness, and why "Johnny Get Angry" is bursting with Broadway potential.TW: discussions of real world and fictional violence, assault, and oppression (fun!). Also some sexy spoilers!Follow Carl & Co on FB at Too Brown Gaymers, or check out their twitch stream at www.twitch.tv/toobrowngaymers and my patreon at patreon.com/gagpod!My socials! @joshuasimonsays Carl's socials! @carl2007Like and Subscribe and junk! Don't be a dick!And as always, no breeders allowed.
72 minutes | Jul 24, 2020
My Kink? A Healthy Back. (w/ Jay King Wack!)
Tear me apart, Puzzle Daddy! Professional kinky comic Jay King Wack shares her unique perspective on Clive Barker's HELLRAISER (1987). I Fixed My Patreon!!!!!: www.patreon.com/gagpod Plus, Cottagecore! Nipple Burning! Abarat! Jay explains how kinksters invented CrossFit and I push for MORE thrusting, but FEWER white guys. CW: Spoilers for Hellraiser, and discussion of BDSM, torture, and both real and fictional violence (including violence of a sexual nature, as the Cenobites prefer...) Follow moi @joshuasimonsays and Jay @therealkingwack !!! And remember, gremlins: two thrusts only.
81 minutes | Jun 27, 2020
Lifting Flaps (w/ Megan Pope!)
DONATE to The Okra Project! theokraproject.comThirst Trap Scientist and Dancing Bareillesbian Megan Pope dissects the ultimate fusion of horror and sci-fi: Ridley Scott's ALIEN (1979). How queer is Alien, really? The answer: Yes.We also gag on Tik-Tok, being creative during a pandemic, coming out at Six Flags, and Finding Nemo's lasting impact on trans youth.CW: We spoil most of Alien, and there's some discussion regarding racism, transphobia, and England's most magical TERF.Follow Megan (they/them) on Twitter: @mpopetweets and Insta: @megspopeFollow ME @joshuasimonsaysRate and subscribe and junk! Don't be a jerk!And finally, it's ALWAYS a great day to arrest the cops who killed Breonna Taylor.
76 minutes | Jun 12, 2020
17. "Virgin" Blood? (w/ Alison LoPresti!)
So, this episode was recorded about seventy years ago I think, and LoPresti and I talk across the board about the small-town feminist horror show that is JENNIFER'S BODY (Karyn Kusama, 2009).We talk about the amazing women who made this movie, why men just did NOT get it, and we also bring in Machine Gun Kelly, My Chemical Romance, and Terrible Handjobs (two of these are musical acts, apparently!)We also briefly discuss the shitty police and the state of the country, because silence is NOT an option. So. Yeah.We ALSO get interrupted by TWO different species of animal (LoPresti is a modern-day Dolittle)!CW: discussions of real world and fictional violence, sexual assault, sexism, racism, homophobia, oppression, all of that shit. SPOILERS for Jennifer's Body (watch it!) and the films VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST (Manuel Cano, 1973) and DIRTY O'NEIL (Lewis Teague, 1973) (don't watch it!).And make no mistake: Black Lives Matter. Today, tomorrow, always. I will continue to listen, to try harder, to be better, and keep uplifting BIPOC voices on this podcast.This episode is a BAD demonstration of that promise, I know. But I wanted to make it clear that I will keep fighting for you.I love you spoopy gremlins.TAKE ACTION:Minnesota Freedom Fund: minnesotafreedomfund.orgBlack Visions Collective: blackvisionsmn.orgRacial Justice Network: @RaceJusticeReclaim the Block: reclaimtheblock.orgThe Okra Project: theokraproject.comNational Bailout: nationalbailout.org
62 minutes | May 28, 2020
16. Big Honey (w/ Lida Darmian!)
Comedy's very own Lida Darmian (UCB, Kids These Days) discusses the most buzzworthy bits from INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS (Denis Sanders, 1973), a sci-fi spooper from the very sexy, VERY pale early 70s.Also: SURVIVOR, INSECURE, funeral boners, and making that First Pancake movie.TW: This episode discusses real world and fictional violence, animal cruelty, and sexuality. We also SPOIL this movie, so watch it for free on Y**T*BE!Follow Lida on Insta: @lidapida and Twitter: @leeduhAnd me: @joshuasimonsaysCHECK MY PATREON OUT: www.patreon.com/user?u=26156623&fan_landing=trueRate and Subscribe and Junk! Don't be dumb like the dumb Str8 Men in this movie! Ok bye!
76 minutes | May 15, 2020
15. He Loves a Silhouette! (w/ Amy Maniscalco)
Ba ba ba dook dook DOOK, baby. She of the Many Scallops, Amy Maniscalco, takes us into the basement of the gay icon itself, THE BABADOOK (Jennifer Kent, 2014). We discuss the well-documented and NOT so well-documented evidence that the monstrous manifestation of past trauma is ALSO just a messy bitch who loves drama.Speaking of DRAMA, this recording experience was done in ACTS, as technology was also being a messy bitch last week!Also Also we discuss the virus a little (duh), bagels from Boston, French shampoo commercials, Alice, Ariel, Adele, and A-12/Kyle. Plus: the secret to success in HOLLYWOOD? Being really hot.CW: discussions of fictional and real-world violence, trauma, body dysmorphia, depression, difficult children, and terrible birthday parties. Plus MAJOR spoilers for Babadook and milder ones for Hollywood and 1985's Alice in Wonderland (yes, really).Follow Amy @amymaniscallops (Insta) @amymaniscalco (Twitter) or at www.amymaniscalco.comAnd MOI @joshuasimonsays!Stay safe, stay sane, and make sure to feed the queer trauma in your basement once or twice a week!
78 minutes | Apr 30, 2020
14. The Style is the Substance (w/ Frank Britton!)
Welcome back to my Daria Nicolodi Appreciation podcast. Frank Britton is back by popular demand (mostly mine) to gag on our gay fave: Dario Argento's SUSPIRIA.We also talk about plenty else before the main event: From Wes Craven's INVITATION TO HELL, to locating John Travolta, to the Canadian Film Mafia!Plus, we blow the CGI Butthole Conspiracy wide open. And much more!CW: spoilers for SUSPIRIA (1977) as well as the 2018 REMAKE (watch em both!!!), discussions of fictional and real world violence, misogyny, and gross lil bugs.Follow Frank! @frankbrittonactorand me! @joshuasimonsaysThanks for rating and/or/plz subscribing!In conclusion: My humble apologies to Stockard Channing.
70 minutes | Apr 16, 2020
13. Josh Listens to the Rain (feat. Dane Figueroa Edidi!)
Artist, poet, and truthsayer Dane Figueroa Edidi virtually drops by to discuss THE HOUSE AT THE END OF TIME (Alejandro Hidalgo, 2013), a movie that (prepare yourselves) I had not heard of yet!I am so glad Lady Dane brought this Venezuelan haunted house flick to my attention because it was BEAUTIFUL. And unless scares aren't your thing, I would recommend watching it before we start dropping spoilers after the first half hour.BUT OH what a first half hour it is! Patricia Arquette goes too hard for Easter! Yemi Alade and Simu Liu! PLUS, I am distracted by rain no fewer than THREE times. Thrilling stuff. My life is a Chekhov play.I also take my guest on a brief historical journey of the Nunsploitation genre of the 70s, much to their reluctance (Sorry Dane).CW: Major spoilers for this film as well as William Castle's HOMICIDAL (1961). Milder spoilers for STIGMATA (1999), HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE (2018), and UNFRIENDED (2014). We also talk some pandemic talk, and get into some even gnarlier things, like institutional racism, abuse, transphobia, and even Game of Thrones Season 8.Find The Gag: a Spoopcast on Patreon! Becoming a patron is cheap and easy and provides me with more ammo to convince my parents that this is a valid hobby!Find Lady Dane's work on her website: www.ladydanefe.com and on Twitter @theladydane and Insta @ladydanefeI'm still @JoshuaSimonSays and for the record, I adore Uma Thurman.Rate and subscribe and junk! Thanks!
57 minutes | Apr 9, 2020
12. Genderless Cat God (with B.J. Tindal!)
It's a weird time we live in. Almost as weird as when, in 1998, SCOOBY DOO ON ZOMBIE ISLAND shockingly changed the formula for the classic Hanna-Barbera cartoon, sending America, nay, THE WORLD, into a tailspin from which we never recovered.B.J. Tindal (playwright: Goodnight, Tyler) helps unpack the far-reaching consequences of the darkest chapter in Mystery Incorporated's history. ALSO: one of the AVATARS (the not-in-space one)! Third Eye Blind! Adrienne Barbeau! An actual dog interrupts me again (I hope that becomes a pattern)!CW: This ep spoils the 1998 feature-length SCOOBY movie. For those who prefer to solve the mysteries on their own, give it a watch! We promise it is terrifying. Also: discussions of violence and trauma and all that.You can purchase Tindal's PUBLISHED play (they are so badass) at concordtheatricals.com, and follow them on insta @bato.of.the.watertribeYou can also follow ME @joshuasimonsays and also check out my patreon so I don't run out of money! Living is expensive! Also don't be a dick, leave a middling-to-good review and rate me four stars!
63 minutes | Apr 3, 2020
11. These Tampons are Yelling at Me (w/ Britt A Willis!)
WELP. Here's the last episode I was able to record before the 'rona. I hope you are all staying safe and I'm already figuring out a plan for remotely recorded episodes. Luckily Podcasts are simple! (Er, just kidding they are very complex. That's why there are SO FEW OF THEM.)Anyways. GINGER SNAPS (2000) is a fantastic film about our beautiful, weird, transforming bodies. Author/Playwright Britt A Willis ("This Vessel is a Fragile Thing") explains why they believe 'Canadian Werewolf Carrie' is more canonically trans than E**ie R*dm*yne or J*red L*to could EVER be. Sorry boys.We also briefly discuss how ACTUAL trans/GNC experiences are put to paper by writers such as Willow Maclay, Daniel M. Lavery, and of course Britt themself!ALSO: The Green Knight gets to chopping! Mimi Rogers versus Scientology! People are yelling about tampons and it's kind of dumb!CW: Spoilers for GINGER SNAPS [ie: some dogs die, natch], discussions of violence, suicide, transphobia, homophobia, frank discussions of (totally normal!) bodily functions and body dysmorphia (also common!), as well as HAIR. LOTS OF HAIR. Which is, again, normal (mostly).You can find Britt online at @feelingfickle or brittawillis.com. Their games can be found at feelingfickle.itch.io (community copies available!).And I'm still as gay and anxious as ever @joshuasimonsays.Love you little hormonal monsters! Reach out to me on the socials or on Patreon at The GAG: a Spoopcast. It's rough out there and we can't be together physically. BUT. No matter how different you feel, even in isolation, you're just as weird as the rest of us. And we wouldn't change that for the world.And always remember: Wrists are for girls???
59 minutes | Mar 27, 2020
10. My High School Coven (w/ Shawn Banks!)
Remember when there were OTHER things in the news? Sherry Pie, Aaron Schock, other dumb things?Yeah, me neither.Fear not! Comedian Shawn Banks stops by to discuss THE CRAFT, the perfect allegory for finding your fellow weirdos to survive high school. Unless, of course, they're the ones trying to kill you.Unsurprisingly this episode is mostly about how amazing Fairuza Balk looks.We also gag on DRAG RACE, BON APPETIT, AHS and CHARMED, the Mowry acting dynasty, pumpkin spice coachella, Nic Cage (of course), and something called 'conde nast.'I also interrupt Shawn's joke about 'White Gays' to share a Billy Eichner tweet. I'm so sorry, Shawn.CW: discussions of fictional and real-world violence, racism, sexual assault, Skeet Ulrich, and bullying. And you should like totally watch this movie before this episode like totally spoils it.Follow Shawn on insta @bankzzyyy and myself on twitsta @joshuasimonsays.Rate and subscribe and junk! And also stay safe and flatten that curve, the str8s are bad at math!
67 minutes | Mar 13, 2020
8. Oh, My Genitalia! (w/ Emily Sucher!)
Trigger Warning at the jump for this one: We are discussing the R*pe and Revenge genre of horror. But it's Women's History Month gahdammit so we are doing so via Coralie Fargeat's REVENGE (2017)!Along for the journey is professional intimacy choreographer Emily Sucher, who brings her expertise of staging sexy moments onstage to discussing the sexy (and VERY unsexy) aspects of this amazing/gross movie.We also yell at Joa*uin Phoenix! Then Emily lays out the important pillars of staging scenes of intimacy and sexual assault. Then I dream of becoming a stripper pole! I'm also pretty sure I use the term "diatribe" incorrectly?? (Whatever. I'm not a dictionary y'all.)Also on this ep: CAT PEOPLE (1942), Natalie Portman, and stanning the feminist queers of French Cinema. Books mentioned are:MEN, WOMEN, and CHAIN SAWS: Gender in the Modern Horror Film, by Carol J. CloverFILMS of the NEW FRENCH EXTREMITY: Visceral Horror and National Identity, by Alexandra WestFollow me @joshuasimonsays and Emily Sucher @emalaia !Enjoy and Rate and Subscribe and Junk! Don't be a dick! Learn the rules of consent! Yay!
57 minutes | Feb 28, 2020
7. Sluts for Archaeology (w/ Danny Baird!)
Don't let the dumb title I chose fool you: This episode is all about SPACE. Or rather, it's about my special guest Danny Baird and how THE FIFTH ELEMENT made us both a couple of queer space cadets. We also tackle the tough questions:Is Bruce Willis daddy?Is the director of this film a creep?Is gay porn racist?The answer to all of these questions...... is YES. But listen to the episode anyway and find out why!CW: This episode contains discussions of real world and fictional violence, including discussions of sexual assault and gun violence. We also spoil THE FIFTH ELEMENT but you should still check it out because GURL THOSE OUTFITS.Follow me @joshuasimonsays and Danny at @basiclybaird and also check out his work over at frickin' NASA! And PLEEZ like and rate and subscribe and junk!So get off your pelotons and put on your tap shoes, it's time for a confusing (but sexy) space romp!
52 minutes | Jan 30, 2020
6. Tits, in General (w/ Tracy Lynn Olivera!)
I got to interview my boss! DC performer, director, and badass Tracy Lynn Olivera gags on New Jersey's greatest superhero, THE TOXIC AVENGER (1984), and how to translate Tromaville's pure lunacy onto the stage as we begin performances on the MUSCIAL (yes, MUSICALE) based on the beloved and repulsive flick.We are only interrupted twice by her Saint Bernard.We talk blood, guts, boobs, trauma porn, Bea Arthur, BURLESQUE (2010), BODY WITHOUT SOUL (1996), Jersey's penchant for smelling its own farts, and the concerning lack of fat asses in Reagan's America.And of course I shit on Kubrick again. CW: spoilers for Toxic Avenger, discussions of fictional and real world violence and trauma, and every possible form of offensive language. Yay!Performances for The Toxic Avenger: The Musical begin JANUARY 31 at Rorschach Theatre (@rorschachdc)! Tix: rorschachtheatre.comFollow Tracy on Insta @tracylynnolivera and Joshua on Twitter/Insta @joshuasimonsaysFight the power! Subscribe and rate and junk! Don't be a dick!
59 minutes | Dec 19, 2019
5. Go to Hell, Linda (w/ Greg Atkin!)
T*ts the season! Greg Atkin joins us on the comfy couch to talk CHOPPING MALL, a true Christmas Classic.Maybe.We dive into why shopping malls made us gay, and how they were the pinnacle of 80s excess all the way through 2006.We talk gay dads, lousy first dates, Bong Joon-ho's PARASITE (no spoilers), and Nicolas Cage.CW: spoilers for Chopping Mall (watch it anyway), discussions of body dysmorphia, the most upsetting and unnatural forms of heterosexuality, and (again) Nicolas Cage.You can follow Greg the Macaroni on Insta @gratkin and Joshua on Twitter/Insta @joshuasimonsaysP.S. Ferdy stans 4 lyfe. Thank You. Have a Nice Day.
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