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When the right person is providing spiritual care, it might not matter which robes he or she is wearing. The right chaplain in the right circumstance is invaluable. Speaking with Venerable Guan Zhen was a reminder of the importance of a chaplain who is comfortable with death. In a world where we all have different comfort levels with death and grief, we need compassion. To offer to the dying, to those who are uncomfortable with death, to family and friends, and to ourselves. Compassion is as essential as water.

A Buddhist monk of more than twenty years, a chaplain in our US Army, and now working in hospitals, Venerable Guan Zhen knows about spiritual care. And when he works with families who are experiencing loss, he comes to them from a place of deep wisdom, understanding, and authenticity.  He knows that when your loved ones die, it can feel like you have been shot in the heart with an arrow.  And he will be quick to tell you, that while it hurts, you are meant to feel. Learning to work with your emotions is part of your path to enlightenment.

So many wisdom bombs, In a good way. You know like a truth bomb or a value bomb? Reflections on the different ways in which people handle their grief, with an understanding that however you are feeling is absolutely OK. Your feelings do not own you or define you, and they will change. Keep working on your practice, this helps you build up your internal resources. Our internal resources and our social and physical environment help us move around the obstacles we face in our lives.

It takes a special person to illustrate the different ways in which grief impacts each of us, and then to teach what it is we all need in order to flourish. Dr. Seth Zuihō Segall, author of Buddhism and Human Flourishing: A Modern Western Perspective, is that person. His background as a Psychologist and Zen Buddhist priest make him uniquely qualified to help us integrate our feelings around grief, our desire to overcome suffering, and the role that Buddhism plays in helping you to live well. Listen in as he shares his own experiences with grief and what he learned in observing the ways in which others either did or did not learn how to recover from their separations from loved ones. You will definitely want to hear his thoughts on what Buddhism really brings to your life - if you allow it.

Death Dhamma Aha's from Margaret Meloni's discussion with Holly Hisamoto. Thoughts on selecting a hospice, a reminder that grief has no schedule or time-limit, and how all of this can help us continue to treat one another with compassion.

It's one thing to observe the circle of life as it impacts wild animals. And a completely different experience to learn that we too are part of the circle of life. That is when death comes crashing in. Holly Hisamoto learned about death when her favorite aunt died by suicide. And that tragedy helped to create the caring, thoughtful and wise woman that is Holly Hisamoto.  A Buddhist chaplain who has worked at a hospice and helped the dying and her families.  Holly understands how to help others set things down and move toward a peaceful death. Now, Holly shares about her experiences with death, and turns the tables on our host Margaret Meloni, asking her about what she learned from having family members in hospice.

If you listened to the Death Dhamma podcast Episode 3 with Venerable De Hong, it might have changed your perspective on grief and trauma and what happens when our parents die. In this Death Dhamma Aha follow-up, Margaret Meloni shares the impact that knowing Venerable De has made on her, and some of her own experiences in what it feels like when both your parents are dead.

When his father died, Venerable De Hong shed many tears. When his mother died, he also cried. They died many years apart. But, the difference in the grief he felt is not just due to his own progression on the path. It is that and so much more. When you are a child, and someone you love and trust abuses you. You feel trapped. When your abuser dies, you are free. Once you process the trauma that came from the abusive relationship, you are truly free. The grief you feel when your loved ones die is directly related to the relationship you had when you both were living.  

Join me in what I like to call Death Dhamma Aha's. An opportunity to reflect on my discussion with Noel Alumit and share with you some of the insightful points I learned from him. 

Before COVID there was AIDS. And Noel Alumit learned about life, and death, and grief while working as a volunteer in an AIDS hospice. He was only 22 or 23-years-old.  Now it is years later, and some things have changed, and some things remain the same. We cannot touch one another, we are afraid to be around one another. In the 1990s, Noel and his co-volunteers handed out safe-sex kits. Now we hand out masks. Death was difficult then, and it is difficult now.  And still, there is love and laughter and hope. And there are multiple ways that a person, Buddhist or otherwise can navigate grief. Listening to Noel you will benefit from his warmth, wisdom and compassion.    

The Grim Reaper is a friend of mine, and Buddhism made it possible. I am Margaret Meloni, your host. Please join me as we together we journey to a place of peace and strength and wisdom. Listen in while amazing Buddhist teachers share their experiences about life, death, and Buddhism. It will be insightful, and interesting, and once in a while, you are going to laugh! As my dear father used to say, "Nobody gets out of this alive."