Listen Now

How to Handle Annoying In-Laws You can choose your spouse but you can't choose your in-laws. You are in a relationship with the whole "package" and sometimes that comes with the in-laws from hell. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… How to come together as a couple to manage difficult In-Laws. Create boundaries Communicate your needs The "Dog  House" - What Not to Do Don’t Keep It In: (Balloon Analogy) This will cause a “pressure cooker” response and sooner or later you will explode.  Holding in emotions will only create resentments and distance. Don’t Shut Down: Stop talking, stop eye contact, avoid events.  Better yet, Threaten to cut the relationship off completely. Don’t Criticize Them To Your Husband: (Brother Analogy) All this will do is come off negative and attacking.  It won’t help your position at all. Most people don’t take it lightly when you talk about their mom. Avoid React Mode: Sometimes we get this “knee jerk reaction” and don’t really think about the impact our moves may have on the relationship. The FIX - How to Address Difficult In-Laws Kill Them With Kindness: You have to make many attempts at having a positive relationship with them, for the sake of your marriage. Smile. Speak, and be polite. You don’t have to be best friends with his mother, or even call his father ‘dad,’ but you should at least make the relationship as cordial as possible. Keep It Simple: If they make your skin crawl, stomach in knots, keep things short and sweet.  Have your conversations short, yet cordial. Stand Up For Yourself: Although you want to keep the peace, it is also not okay to allow them to run over you.  It’s okay to ask for respect. Understand your feelings: Since you may have some build up, write it down, figure out what is going on inside.  What exactly are you annoyed about?  How do they make you feel?  Do you feel less than, dismissed, ignored, attacked?  Write it down so it will help you organize your thoughts. Be mindful, yet honest: Once you have things pin pointed, sit your partner down to talk about your experience.  Be mindful, these ARE your partner’s parents.  Don’t Attack or Blame when sharing. Ask for Reassurance/Support: Your skin is crawling and your stomach is in knots by just the thought of the in-laws, it is time to get support from your partner. Your partner can’t read your mind.  Your partner won’t know how to support you unless you ask in a vulnerable way.  Be explicit and specific on what would help reassure you or help you survive. Create a Game Plan: At future events where you have see the in-laws, set up a plan of attack.  Set up codes (pulling the ear kind of code) for when you have had enough, and how you can check in throughout the dinner. Seek Support: There is a teeny tiny possibility that you may be over reacting and may need a neutral party to help you figure it out.  OR your in-laws may be simply nuts and you need a professional to help you figure out the steps needed to handle crazy people.  Net that Neutral party to help you navigate the situation. Keep Your Distance: If all else fails and they are just crazy, keep your distance.  Protect yourself and don’t put yourself in a compromised position. You and your relationship is more important than anything else. LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Couples Communication Tips - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT Are Your In-Laws Driving You Crazy?- Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!  

HELP! My Friends Don't Like My Husband You love your husband and your friends. They are both critical parts of your life and support team. What do you do when your friends don't like your husband? This issue can be really painful and hard to navigate so that everyone involved can be more comfortable. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… How to create boundaries How to balance your relationships How to support your spouse and your friendships The "Dog  House" - What Not to Do When Your Friends Don't Like Your Spouse Don’t be the “people-pleaser” – Some women try very hard at making everyone happy, but it ends up hurting YOU.  You can’t make everyone happy with this scenario. You can’t try to paint your husband in a different light or avoid talking about it to simply avoid irritating your friends. Don’t Cut Your Friends Off – Don’t simply cut off your friends if they don’t like your husband.  There needs to be space on talking about it, figuring out how you can move forward.  Can there be a middle ground? Don’t Avoid Bringing Him To Social Events – Some people avoid bringing their husband because they know their girlfriends don’t like him.  To avoid bringing him can put an uncomfortable feeling in the air.  Like you have to hide or pretend he isn’t in your life, where in reality he is your number one. The FIX - How to Support Both Relationships Talk Openly: Talk openly to your friends.  Ask them about what they don’t like, what their biggest fear is if you stay with him?  What do they think you want in a relationship?  Get to the root of what they are concerned about.  Are their concerns accurate?  Is this one person or do all your friends have concerns.  Take this into consideration.  They critics might be right. Let them know their opinion is important and you will take it into consideration. They are Coming From A Good Place: Know that your friends genuinely care about you and want the best for you.  They may not like certain things your husband does, but it isn’t their marriage.  Remind yourself they are simply coming from a good place. “She deserves better” Ask for them to support your choice.  No matter what they think or how they get along (or not along) with your husband, they should support YOU. You deserve to vent: When your girlfriends have told you that your man is bad news, it tends to set a vibe that you loose the right to vent about your husband.  This is not the case.  Your friends are there to support you.  You have every right to vent, just as much as they do. Acceptance: You may need to accept the fact that your friends may never like your husband, but they love you and support you. Show You Aren’t Giving Up: Show your friends that your husband is important to you and that you aren’t going to give up on him.  Especially if he is the father of your child. LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Couples Communication Tips - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT Breaking Up is Hard To Do..With Friends Too - Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback  

The Bottom Line on Your Fights About Money Why Fighting About Money Isn't About Money Money is often listed as main cause for divorce. Usually couples who are fighting about money have deeper underlying issues that make financial issues a huge disconnection in the relationship. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… All healthy relationships bicker and fight, especially around money. Negative patterns happen in relationships around communication and it is important to know how to navigate through it successfully without driving a wedge in the relationship. Money is usually a sensitive subject because couples have different approaches with handling money – Spender/Saver/In-betweener Money - specifically how you spend exposes vulnerability. It is import to understand what is UNDERNEATH the money topic. The "Dog  House" - What Not to Do Control – Demand, direct, control, mirco-manage, etc. - Take over control of finances (talk about financial abuse – resources if feeling manipulated or controlled) Complain – Complain, Nag, Pick, Poke, Blame, Attack Put up a wall, withdraw Silently Build Resentment Secretly shop or spend money Prove you have self worth or feel like you have to make up in other ways The FIX - How to Address Financial Conflict Calm Yourself Down – Before jumping on the topic when upset, press the pause button, calm yourself down. Get to The Root – Basically we need to get to the root of the fears. Fear not able to connect, fear not able to feel secure, fear of not being able to self sooth. Take a deep look at why you or your partner is reacting the way they are. There is fear behind it. (childhood poverty, fear of not being equal, fear of being less-than, etc). Once you understand where it comes from, the easier it is to understand why the childhood poverty has your partner buying nice things. Share Your Fears – Stay away from the content of “buying the top from Target”– This will only come out critical and blaming. Instead, talk about your fears from the big picture view point. What are you most afraid of around money? Give your Partner Benefit of the Doubt – Remind yourself this is your partner, not your enemy. He/she is doing the best they can. Know your negative cycle – Know your negative cycle, the steps you typically take, and step out of it. It only takes one person to respond different to stop the pattern. Team up – Team up and set a Financial Plan Together. You two will need to sit down and create a budget together, considering the fears, and being compassionate to one another. LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE 4 Issues Lurking Under Your Fights About Money - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT Tips To Handle Financial Stress As A Couple- Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

Commitment Issues Is Your Partner Dragging Their Feet? What to do When You Want to Move Forward And Your Partner is Hesitant IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… You want to move forward, he/she isn’t ready. This is important to getting to the root of why this is happening in the relationship. You could hurt the relationship by pushing too hard or pulling away. EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The "Dog  House" - What Not to Do Threaten to leave the relationship out of desperation. Push harder for engagement ring or marriage – (More marriage talk, more relationship talk, etc) Don’t rush to take it personal: Know that this may be coming from fear of spending money on a wedding, there is a history that may be popping up (ex: childhood divorce), their own internal fears about themselves (ex: I am not good enough), etc. There may be various reasons to why this person is fearful. Don’t ignore it The FIX -What To Do When Your Partner Is Hesitant Understand Fear is an Emotion – When someone is hesitant, it typically is because they are fearful or overwhelmed. They have questions, concerns, aren’t feeling okay. This is an emotion. Emotions are normal. Emotions happen, but it doesn’t mean this person will have to avoid moving forward. Create Safe Space – Create a safe space where your partner can talk about their fears, concerns, and hesitancies without judgment, anger, or quick to snap emotion. Your partner will need to open up and know it is okay to share the concerns, but your job is to listen. Let them Know You Want to Help – Obviously something is concerning and they need reassurance. Let them know, “Maybe there is something you are needing for reassurance and I am not giving it to you. I want to help you feel better about our relationship” Listen to Your Gut – Your internal alarm is going off for a reason, don’t turn it off or expect magic will happen and things will change. Acknowledge the alarm to your partner. Talk about it. Get Support Yourself– You may be freaking out, your own fears now flooding you, possibly afraid “he/she doesn’t want me.” This may be all feeling personal, but your job is to stay grounded. This may not have anything to do with you. The more fear you have, the quicker you move, the quicker you sink. Reach out for support from friends, family, therapist. If your partner is more fearful of commitment because “fear of missing out” or “wanting to date other people,” get support and find out if this is the right relationship for you. LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Pay Attention to Premarital Doubts - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT Signs  You Need Premarital Counseling- Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

Why the "F" Word is One Of the Biggest Lies in a Relationship IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… Why your partner says, "I'm fine" How these statements negatively impact your relationship What to do when the "F" word is thrown out EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The "Dog  House" - Don't do these things when your partner says "I'm Fine": Don't express anger or frustration at your partner Avoid pushing too hard for an answer Don't give up and withdrawal/avoid altogether The FIX - How to successfully address the "F" word: Stay Engaged Tell your partner about what your gut is saying Give some space and time Leave the door open for conversation LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE How to Repair After A Fight - The Couple Fix Podcast   THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

Thinking of Walking Down the Aisle? What you need to do before taking the next step IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… Interview with Lisa Brookes Kift How to prepare your relationship for marriage...not just a wedding What you need to talk about before you get married The important ingredients to a lasting healthy marriage EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The "Dog  House" - Mistakes People Make Rose Colored Glasses - Overlook, justify or deny issues Assume issues will go away once married The FIX - Steps to Build Healthy Foundation Lisa Brookes Kift discusses the key components of her Premarital Counseling work: Communication, Addressing Issues and Family of Origin. LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples - Lisa Brookes Kift, LMFT     5 Ways Premarital Counseling is Proactive - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT Signs You Need Premarital Counseling- Jennine Estes, LMFT About Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com, author of Therapy-At-Home Workbooks® and has a therapy practice in Marin County, CA. She is a frequent consultant for the media having appeared in CNN.com, HuffingtonPost.com, MensHealth.com and others. Lisa offers video conference, phone and chat therapy options to residents of California.     THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

How To Put The Brakes On Your Nagging Partner IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… What is causing your partner to "Nag" How to make it worse Specific things you can do to stop nagging in it's tracks. EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The "Dog  House" - What NOT to Do With Your Nagging Partner Retreat/Defend Ignore it Blame Dismiss the Issue The FIX - How to Put the Brakes On Nagging Change Your View: Your partner is trying have you hear that they need something vs. You are a failure. Fight Your Desire to React: Press pause button Listen: Your partner is trying to tell you something and will keep trying until you hear him/her. Engage: Show interest in what your partner is trying to tell you Take Action: Behaviors speak louder than words. LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Counseling to Resolve Conflict - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT 5 Steps For Communicating Your Needs in Your Relationship- Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

How To Disarm Your Partner's Defensiveness IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… What causes your partner to get Defensive Specific things you can do to respond EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The "Dog  House" - Why Your Partner Gets Defensive Instinctual response to feeling attacked Poor role models for communication Past injuries/insecurities "Raw Spots" The FIX - How to Disarm Your Partner's Defensivness 1. Examine Your Part/Approach Avoid blaming language: "You..." Don't take on the victim role Refrain from using global statements, "Always" or "Never" If feeling attacked don't surrender, withdrawal or attack back 2. Understand Your Partner's Sensitivities Be curious: Ask about where the reaction is coming from Don't take it personal - leads to being less reactive LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE 5 Tips for Better Communication - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT 3 Ways To Stop Being Defensive - Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

How to Affair Proof Your Relationship IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… Why Affair Happen Steps to Affair Proof Your Relationship EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The "Dog  House" - Why Affairs Happen A way to distract self from difficult emotions Not emotionally engaged in the relationship Getting needs met outside of the relationship Don't feel liked or loved int he relationship Given up on the relationship The FIX - How to Affair Proof Your Relationship 1. Have a system in place to get your relationship needs met Hear your partner's concerns Demonstrate your "fight" for the relationship Show your partner he/she is number one Give your partner appreciation Tell your partner what they do right 2. Be a responsive partner - "A.R.E." A - Be Available to your partner R - Be Responsive to your partner's needs E - Be Emotionally Engaged LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Give Your Relationship A Check Up - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT 3 Affair Triggers: Why People Have Affairs - Jennine Estes, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

Everything You Need To Know About Emotional Affairs IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… What is an Emotional Affair? Is an Emotional Affair considered cheating? 6 Signs You are Having an Emotional Affair What to do and what NOT to do if you are having an Emotional Affair EPISODE TAKEAWAYS 6 Signs Your Friend is More Than a Friend: The relationship is hidden That person becomes your "go to" for sharing intimate information Crossing the line emotionally (flirting, sexting, etc) Your grooming changes Ditching responsibilities Obsessive contact"The Dog House" - What Not To Do Don't compare this relationship to your marriage or serious relationship Don't fool yourself - just because you aren't having sex doesn't mean you aren't cheating Don't keep secrets Don't deem the marriage unfixable"The Fix" - How to Get It Right & Back Into Bed Do Couples Therapy Do stop the relationship Do get accountability Do resource support from safe people Do grief the loss RESOURCES FOR THIS EPISODE How to Identify an Emotional Affair - Jennine Estes, LMFT Benefits of Marriage Therapy - Jennifer Chappell Marsh, LMFT THANKS FOR LISTENING! Thanks for tuning in to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

The 6 Types of Affairs That You Need To Know About IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… 6 Types of Affairs What not to do if you are experiencing an affair How to address an affair EPISODE TAKEAWAYS 6 Types of Affairs: Double Life Affair Emotional "Just Friends" One Night Stand Revenge Affair Compulsive Affair Dead End Marriage Affair The FIX - What to Do if there is an Affair End the Affair Stop Your Relationship Seek Professional Help Make a firm decision to fight for the relationship or end it Get educated Get into couples or individual therapy THANKS FOR LISTENING! Thanks for tuning in to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

Can You Fix Things After An Affair? The Answer Might Surprise You... IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… Is it possible to mend a relationship after an affair? What to Expect - Normal responses to the affair What NOT to do Specific steps to make the relationship stronger EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The FIX - How to Repair After an Affair If You Had the Affair: End the affair right away Give tangible evidence that the affair is over Acknowledge hurtful behaviors Be open & transparent Be there for your partner If Your Partner Had the Affair: Remember your partner still has feelings Have realistic expectations Communicate what you are going through Both parties: Practice self care Be aware of your patterns LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Can A Relationship Survive Infidelity?- by Jennifer Chappell Marsh How to Heal After Affair - by Jennine Estes THANKS FOR LISTENING! Thanks for tuning in to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

HOW TO REPAIR AFTER A FIGHT It's not always the fact that you fight that counts but how you repair after a fight that determines your relationship health. If you have a system in place to reconnect, repair and team up after a fight - it makes your relationship stronger. Couples Therapist's Jennifer Chappell Marsh and Jennine Estes walk you through how repair after  things have gone off track with your parter. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… How to "make up" so that fights don't leave you disconnected What NOT to do after a fight 6 Steps on How to Repair a Fight EPISODE TAKEAWAYS The FIX - How to Make-up after Fight Take time to cool down if needed Express your hurt without attacking of blaming Apologize like you mean it - an empty apology might make things worse Tell you partner what you need to feel better Own your part and how it impacted your partner Create a prevention plan (what can we do in the future...?) Tips on how to execute the steps: Keep eye contact and body language non threatening Don't give up if you are frustrated, keep trying LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Counseling to Resolve Conflict - by Jennifer Chappell Marsh 3 Ways to Repair After A Fight - by Jennine Estes The Best Way to Make Up After Any Argument - Wall Street Journal THANKS FOR LISTENING! Thanks for tuning in to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode about learning how to make up after an argument, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!

How To Prevent A Fight Can fights be avoided? A lot of times, the answer is yes. But, in order to prevent a fight from happening - you have to be able to identify when it's coming and then what to do about it. Stopping a fight in it's tracks take proactive steps including keeping your finger on the pulse of the relationship. Couples Therapist's Jennifer Chappell Marsh and Jennine Estes walk you through how to prevent your next fight.   IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… Identify Signs a Fight is Coming Steps to Prevent the Fight EPISODE TAKEAWAYS Signs a Fight is Coming Partner is unusually quiet and/or distant Body Language (stomping, big sighs, etc) You are your partner is complaining, "nagging", "nit-picking" over little things When you feel tension or high stress - H (hungry)-A (angry)-L (lonely)-T (tired) The FIX - How to Prevent a Fight If you notice a sign that something is wrong, talk about it - don't ignore or avoid. Speak up sooner rather than later Acknowledge "softly" - avoid being critical Engage and show care Give space if needed Practice self care Be aware of your own patterns and triggers LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE 5 Ways to Prevent a Fight - by Jennine Estes Couples Communication Tips - by Jennifer Chappell Marsh Tips for Practicing Self Care - PsychCentral   THANKS FOR LISTENING! Thanks for tuning in to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode about learning how to prevent a fight, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback!      

Fighting 101: What's Normal and What's Not IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN… What is Normal  & Not Normal Fighting Why Fighting Can Be A Good Thing Get Out of The Doghouse: Things to Avoid Doing In a Fight Get Back Into Bed: Steps You Can Take to Deescalate and Resolve the Fight EPISODE TAKEAWAYS What NOT to Do In A Fight Avoid it or push it under the rug Throw the "Exit Card" Use invalidating statements ("Get over it"..etc.) Resort to personal attacks/hit below the belt The FIX - How to Get Things Back on Track Use a "Soften Startup*" Address emotion first, then go into problem solving Convey understanding Take a break if needed and plan to come back to it LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE The National Domestic Violence Hotline -1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) LoveisRespect.Org *Gottman, John M., and Nan Silver. (1999). “Principle 5: Solve your solvable problems,” in The seven principles for making marriages work (Chapter Eight, 157-185). New York: Three Rivers Press (Random House, Inc.). THANKS FOR LISTENING! We had so much fun with our very first podcast! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post. We want to be friends so visit us on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ where we encourage you to leave your comments and feedback! //