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The Conscious Man Project
29 minutes | Nov 4, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep8 - Expectations versus Reality and the Desire to 'Fit In'
Recently I felt like I was biting off more than I could chew... Let me explain. Our business is getting busier. Our kids (at the time of writing this, 2 kids under 6 years of age) are growing and so their needs are changing. We elected to get a dog - but not just any dog, a puppy from the SPCA - which means constant supervision and training and the loss of things due to puppy teeth. Then my partner's mum got ill and so Pippa had to go back to our home country for 2 and a bit weeks to attend to matters there - a 35 hour round trip by air and road. Also, we don't readily have familial support here in New Zealand which means any help around the house is paid for in money or reciprocating a service - for example, I babysit your kids, you babysit mine - that is also a 'cost'. It was all just full on and I began to experience anger - not just the flash in the pan kinda anger - the anger that changes people. That lingers. That is like a dull pain that no matter the time of day, situation or context does not allow one to fully be present and enjoy any moment. Through that period described above - I was trying to keep everything together: business; household; train a puppy; keep the kids alive. I also managed to reflect on what I was feeling and try understand where my emotions were coming from, what was fuelling the continued anger and how I could get myself out of it. I came upon some insights in a moment of calm. The idea of expectations versus reality and in my unique case the idea of the desire to 'fit-in'. In this podcast I explore these two concepts and how it played out for me. I feel like I am on the other side of it now and so through listening in I do hope you get something out of it. I also want to say that this for me will be a constant work-in-progress. Additional resources to explore is that of Jordan B. Peterson's Podcast: https://rss.art19.com/the-jordan-b-peterson-podcast - particularly the episodes referencing his book 12 Rules For Life - most notably Rule 6. Trust this finds you well as always - Peace and Love B
23 minutes | Sep 24, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep7: Becoming aware of your programming [PART 2]
And there it is - the answer! Sometimes not always easy to see. But it is there. In PART 2 of becoming aware of your programming I touch on how to actually become more consciously aware of this programming. Like when Neo takes the red pill in The Matrix. Highlevel, the two recommendations that have worked for me have been: 1. Travel - this always blows my mind and creates for more expansive thought processes. 2. Choosing alternative routes/ways/media sources - from things like taking a different route to work or using a computer mouse with your other hand or choosing to watch something your would not ordinarily watch on Netflix. Each of these approaches come with risk. Sure. But there is also reward - the reward of learning something new and all in all, becoming a more interested and more interesting human being. The ultimate benefit - raising your awareness. I am no guru, but when I do these small things, they totes help. I also catch myself imposing a 'should' or level of programming onto you - the listener. So insidious. In no way malicious - just super interesting how we extend the programming onto others... As always, trust this finds you well! Peace & Love. B
34 minutes | Sep 11, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep6: Becoming aware of your programming [PART 1]
And there it was... I felt like Neo in The Matrix... I could see my programming. There is a great quote by Aristotle: “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” I never really understood this despite being exposed to early childhood development in my career and also having completed the first phase of NeuroLeadership Coaching - where I began to understand better this notion of the prefrontal cortex and how best to conserve 'brain-energy' in the 21st Century... I thought I was smart and had myself all figured out. Well - I was so wrong. That beta-state-programming instilled in me as a young child between the age of zero to 7 was playing out and continues to play out well into my thirties - the only difference is that now I can 'see the matrix'. Now that I can see it - I can do something about it. This weird episode explores a bit of my self-learning and hope you are able to as a result: pause; reflect; improve and repeat. And most importantly help you identify your 'programming'. As always: peace and love. B
18 minutes | Aug 26, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep5: Father's Day - What 'energetic' legacy are you leaving behind?
So. It's Father's Day. Do I deserve to be celebrated this year? Putting aside the capitalist commercial realities we face around days like Father's Day in western civilisation today - I do think it is pretty rad that we take time to recognise the Father's in our lives. For some this is a joyful time - for others, not so much. Either way - whether positively or negatively (in our opinions and frames of reference of course) - the men who helped us come to exist in the world today have had an impact on us. Knowing this, this episode is about using this Father's Day to take stock as ask ourselves: "What 'energetic' legacy do I want to leave behind or at least be remembered for?" I would argue that most of us don't remember the things our dad's bought or did not buy for us. But we do remember how they were with us: what they said; how they said it; when they said it; how they were with us in terms of manner and the like. These are non-tangible but very real things that have had an impact on us. And since they are the things we remember today, I believe we ought to measure ourselves in the present as to how we are consciously being around those whom we father today. Not a frivolous subject at all I am afraid. But to balance out the commercial aspect of this day in our western culture, I felt it needed to be spoken about in this way. The movie/film I refer to in this episode is called UP. More detail about it may be found here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_(2009_film) As always, trust this finds you well and... Peace and Love. B.
25 minutes | Aug 17, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep4: Taking responsibility and saying sorry after an 'unconscious' episode
It happened. I lost my sh*t. And I think it happens to all of us from time to time, especially if you have had to raise young kids. In that moment of unconscious behaviour I was like to myself: "Dude, you are acting like you father... not cool..." Not that my dad was not cool - but you know what I mean. When I flipped out I saw the look in my daughters eyes. That look was the same as the look I gave to my father when I was a boy and I know too well the feeling accompanying that look. Without thinking I was perpetuating the same behaviour that was imprinted on me as a child. This is basic programming. The honest 'trick'/'hack' or more appropriately 'approach' to manage these flare ups when they happen is to quickly acknowledge the error and to say 'sorry' - and mean it. The Gottman Institute (https://www.gottman.com) and their instagram feed (https://www.instagram.com/gottmaninstitute/) have some great resources worth checking out when it comes to this topic and how best to manage energies within the home. I don't have the answers and no-one is perfect however if we can be better than we were yesterday especially when it comes to raising kids - we collectively are then raising a more emotionally resilient and aware generation - and among all the worthy causes on this planet and in our lifetime, I think this is one of them. May the force be with you and hope that this finds you well. As always, peace and love. B.
18 minutes | Aug 8, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep3: Just start with what you've got...
Just start. Sometimes it is easier said than done. But sometimes - it is all you have to do. I waited sooooo long to start this little podcast. I had been meaning to share this little idea and found every excuse under the sun and moon. I got all the right gear (which I have not even used for this in the end) and got a website and blah blah blah... Yes, there is something to be said about timing and letting an idea incubate and mature but there is more to be said about taking action and just doing it. I have read the books, gone on the personal development courses, meditated - the list goes one. But good old fashioned action cannot be replaced. I only get feedback through action - otherwise I am just living a dream in my head. If you are listening to this or reading these words you know what I mean. Don't beat yourself up though. The thing that I learned and am still learning is to start. Runners say - the hardest thing to do before a run is to put on your running shoes and get going. Once you are going - it is all good! This idea of taking action is also balanced by having a clear idea of what action you are take might look like. You may not have the idea crystal clear in your mind but to at least have a direction to move in. Les Giblin's book 'Skill with People' which I refer to in this podcast episode has a great chapter about doing a presentation and how the first principle when preparing a talk is: "Know what you want to say". For more about this awesome little book check it out here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1249080.Skill_with_People I am going to cut it here and say - keen to hear from you about what it is that you have started. Hit me up! email@example.com And as always - Peace & Love. B
20 minutes | Aug 1, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep2: Having a target
I was trapped by my goal setting process. Like a self-inflicted prison. I let go of the reigns of life to try and begin anew at the start of 2018 - and consciously and deliberately went into what I call: 'drift', just to see what might bubble up for me. But then it was time to take back the reigns after a prolonged reset. This episode is all about that journey and what I learned about having a target to aim at. I reference Jordan B Peterson in this episode - and in particular an Instagram post referring to this idea of having a target which can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzRCfBmFGfs/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link I also reference Eckhart Tolle (https://www.eckharttolle.com) and in particular his book 'A New Earth' where like Peterson he refers to the idea of sin and how it relates to having a target and missing it. Music on my podcast is played by myself and my good friend and virtuoso musician Donovan Banks - the song is called 'Sing to Me' and is an unfinished track recorded on a generation 3 iPhone back in 2014 in my kitchen in South Africa one evening - it was just he and I that managed to make band practice that night. I held onto the recording as I felt there was something special about it - especially in that it does not feel like it has to 'go' anywhere. I like it. I hope you like it too. As always - peace and love.
19 minutes | Jul 29, 2019
TCMP: S1Ep1: Take Time For Yourself - Trust Me - It is so worth it
It hit me like a ton of bricks - the answer that was staring at me all the time. The concept and idea of actually taking a break - especially from parenting. Let's be honest - the world as we now know it does not like hearing parents talk smack about what it feels like being a parent in the 21st century. So before the proverbial sh$t hits the fan - just do yourself a favour and take a break. You and your kids will thank you for it. This is my take on the insight I learned recently - keen to hear yours. As always - peace and love. Bevan Founder: The Conscious Man Project
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