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The Cold Treatment

31 Episodes

35 minutes | Feb 8, 2018
31. Areola Bareillis
Max Holland joins the gang yet again! In this episode we read Areola Barellis- a short comedy that explores themes such as anatomy, astronomy, and early 2000s singer-songwriters. This episode brought to you by Wendy's Strawberry Passionfruit FruiTea Chillers. When you think Taco Bell, think again. Music Credits: Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger (as performed by Pham Com) Dope Catchy West Coast Boom Bap Gangster Rap Beat Instrumental by TK Beats Weird Fun Boom Bap Beat Hip Hop Swing by Syndrome Love Song by Sara Bareillis (as performed by Tedesco Creations)
55 minutes | Jan 30, 2018
30. American Cannibal
The gang is joined by special guest Matt "Tiddlywinks" Schmoyer for a script taking place in New York City in 1989, where a young urban professional lives a second life as a gruesome serial cannibal. Later, hear Shawn's horrible voice and super serial Al Gore impression, as topics such as serial killers, serial killing, and serially killing canvassers are covered. Music Credits: Black Pot by Atoka Chase Bossa Antigua, Space 1990, Suave Standpipe, The Dread, and Unanswered Questions by Kevin McLeod Covers of I Like Chopin, Papa Don't Preach, and Don't Go Along performed by Franck Choppin I Eat Cannibals by Total Coelo
52 minutes | Jan 16, 2018
29. Shelltered
The gang reads a comedy about two bumbling criminals and a turtle suffering from cabin fever. Also, Mason tells us where David Spade is from, Shawn explains his distaste for pork and undying love for a beer that doesn't sponsor us, and Joe severely misunderstands the plot and leaves early to have fun with turkeys. Music: MOUNTAIN SUN by Jason Shaw, Original Rags (1900, piano roll) by Scott Joplin, JENNY'S THEME by Jason Shaw, SNAPPY by Jason Shaw, Ecstasy X by Jason Shaw, Last Dance by Jahzzar
28 minutes | Jan 4, 2018
28. The Applicant
For the first time ever, Mason joins the gang in studio once again joined by Max R. Holland to read a script dealing with a disturbed man attempting to get a job and turn his life around, as well as give their spin on Frankenstein job applications and M. Night Shymalan's latest twist of fate.   Music: Only Knows by Broke for Free, simple by Orbique, Starling by Podington Bear, Something (Intro) by Action Davis, Interlude - "Reading The Greens" by Hogan Grip, No.2 by Room For A Ghost
32 minutes | Dec 28, 2017
27. Wednesday
The gang goes mental as they read about a few days in the lives of two long-time friends with mental disorders. Later, Shawn is depressed and barfs up a peppercorn, Joe becomes an addict, and Mason is a completely normal Spelling Nazi who likes to "look at dead bodies and stuff"   Music: Wednesday by Steve Combs, Wednesday by Adrianna Kriki, Wednesday Night Flavor by Podington Bear, Whimsical Wednesdays by Kazoo Funk Orchestra, Next Wednesday by Steveless & Syd Howells, Sounds from Wednesday afternoon: rewrite by -ono-
63 minutes | Dec 13, 2017
26. Sugarcane
The gang reads an intense short that is anything but sweet. Later, Shawn gives his take on the script before opening up the round table for a group discussion on Quinten Tarantino, "vengeance porn", and untimely erections including an eloquent metaphor from Mason centered around the film "Behind Enemy Lines. Joe is also there. Last but not least, The Cold Treatment is proud to announce Stankee Candles as the first official sponsor of the show! Music: Scubba Adventure by Apache Tomcat, Surface Tension 3 by Podington Bear, Theme for "The Mad Thinker" by Dr. Frankenstein
49 minutes | Dec 5, 2017
25. Daddy
The gang reads an action-packed tale about a hitman looking for redemption. Later, Mason and Shawn gang up on Joe because he's never seen Mrs. Doubtfire, debate Charles Manson's parenting skills, and find new ways to appreciate orphans. Music: Pink Fuzz! by The Protagonist!, Impact Prelude by Kevin MacLeod, B-3 by BoxCat Games, strANGE_Ls by Mark Neil, February by Kai Engel, Go to the Picnic by Loyalty Freak Music, Beach Vibes With Drums by Ryan Cullinane
45 minutes | Nov 29, 2017
24. Late Fees
The gang reads a short retail comedy for the shopping season that you won't want to be "late" for. Later, Joe has to leave early to take care of his turkey problems, leaving the other guys try to joke around about hit movies they've mostly never heard of! Plus, Shawn pretends to fart and Mason actually farts! Music: Fireworks by Jahzzar, Rainbow Street by Scott Holmes, I Am The Future by Alice Cooper, Canibal Holocaust - Opening Theme Music by Riz Ortolani, Cylinder Three by Chris Zabriskie, Fall asleep under the millions of stars by springtide, Noah's Stark by krakatoa, Little Chance by Jahzzar, Candy by Jahzzar
39 minutes | Nov 21, 2017
23. A Bitter Disagreement
The gang stumbles their way through a story about a lost love that falls into a dark void. Later, they debate about clouds, make fun of big words, and solve "cum dilemmas". SPOILER ALERT: Mason and Shawn "guzzle Goesling" and Joe takes his chances with AIDS.   Music: Wonderland (Instrumental) by Dexter Britain, Mariage D'Amour by George Davidson, Valse Sentimentale by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, Utopia (Instrumental) by YACHT
47 minutes | Nov 14, 2017
22. Lover's Peak
The gang reads a horrific short that is sure to suck the life out of you! (No vampires!) Later, Joe is a prostitute, Mason is a robot, and Shawn gets a new nickname. Also, the first ever on-air phone call is made, a historic moment in Cold Treatment history. Music: JD industrial RMX by Deuxvolt, 2 PM Wake UP Call by Apache Tomcat, Chantiers Navals 412 by LJ Kruzer, Interlude - "Reading The Greens" by Hogan Grip, Night Terrors by Port City Music, Suck City by Black Math, Beyond The End by Deuxvolt
36 minutes | Nov 7, 2017
21. The Montenegrin Seaslug
The gang reads a film noir parody. Later, Mason teaches us what "saccharine" means, Shawn pitches James Franco to everyone, and Joe doesn't even exist.   Music: Heroes of the Teslapunk by Tri-Tachyon, Dances and Dames by Kevin MacLeod, Night on the Dock - Sax by Kevin MacLeod, Noir Theme by Pk Jazz Collective, I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream by Waring's Pennsylvania.
41 minutes | Nov 1, 2017
20. The Wheels on the Bus
The gang reads a comedic short which thrusts them into a wacky adventure that doesn't break for anyone. Later, they talk about Tom Hanks and belts (the kind you wear) for some reason and make fun of the way Joe pronounces things. Music: Mickey Maos by Halloween, hmm ok by Gabl, Have You Seen It? by Dr. Frankenstein, Sunpowered Surfboard by The Vivisectors, O v e r t i m e  M a t r i x by Anonymous420, Evil Makings by Halloween, Stance Gives You Balance by Hogan Grip   Written by Brittaney Walters and Zack Walters
66 minutes | Oct 17, 2017
19. Seeds of Eternity
The gang reads a heartwarming British short about a father-son conflict. Later, the conversation tackles a wide variety of topics ranging from Shakespeare to hypothetically having mayonnaise for ejaculate. Music: Undercover Vampire Policeman by Chris Zabriski, Seeing the Future by Dexter Britain, Blizzard (PON I) by Kai Engel, Endless Story About Sun and Moon by Kai Engel, Heart and Mind by Kai Engel, Aluminum by Rizke, The Spirit of Russian Love by Zinaida Trokai
32 minutes | Sep 26, 2017
18. Don't Be Afraid
The gang reads a short script casting them as an African American family in an apocalyptic city. Later, they mostly talk about chewing gum.   Music: Poligamia by U.M.M. Drown by Altered:Carbon Runsten by Are Sonor Godsstation by Our Last Hope Lost Hope Lift-off by Michett
43 minutes | Sep 6, 2017
17. Templars
The gang doesn't discover hidden American treasure in this one, but they do consider buying an oculus rift while they perform a cold read of a sci-fi fantasy pilot.
51 minutes | Aug 29, 2017
16. Red Velvet
The gang celebrates Mason's birthday by reading a beautifully depressing story about cupcakes. Music: R.E.D. by A Tribe Called Red, Take Me To The River by The Talking Heads, Various Soundtrack Music by Kevin McLeod
37 minutes | Aug 7, 2017
15. Nursing Home
Joe, Shawn, and Mason perform a cold read of nursing home based drama. Later, Joe misses an obvious plot point, Shawn leads us onto tangents on 90s movies and capitalizing on tragedy, and Mason sings us happy birthday.   Music:  Chopin Makuza Op67 No3 by Blue Dot Sessions Chopin Etude in A-flat, Op. 23 no. 1 by Michal Hamburg The Last V8 (Paino Cover) by Christian Vestergaard Sweet Georgia Brown by Latché Swing Stardust by US Army Blues Chopin Prelude Op 23 No 4 by Paul Cantrell
41 minutes | Jul 30, 2017
14. Applied Philosophy
Joe, Shawn, and Mason perform a cold read of a short philosophical narrative. Later, Mason teaches us about the Library of Babel, Joe complains about the writer's name, and Shawn impersonates Pharrell Williams.   Applied Philosophy written by George White Music: Epic Song by BoxCat Games Across the River by Podington Bear Sad Cyclops by Podington Bear Tomie's Bubbles by Candlegravity Ancient Heavy Tech Donjon by Komiku
45 minutes | Jul 23, 2017
13. The Dairy Farmer's Daughter
Joe, Shawn, and Mason perform a cold read of a milk-based psychological thriller. Followed by a heated argument in which Shawn rails against "literal lactose intolerance", and a blooper reel loaded with some eerily disturbing sounds. Script written by Matthew Portman. Music: Boulevard of St. Germain by Jahzzar Railroad Whiskey by Jahzzar Nothing by Kai Engel Anxiety by Kai Engel Hustle by Kevin MacLeod
30 minutes | Jul 17, 2017
12. Paint The City Blue
The gang performs a cold read of a Seattle crime drama. Royalty Free Music by Kevin Macleod - www.incompetech.com/music 
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