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Love does NOT have to be ABOUT PAIN AND SUFFERING. You don't deserve to suffer & self-sacrifice in your relationships. It's that simple. If this confuses you & if you need some CLEAR, practical instructions about how to make your relationships and your life less painful, this episode (and this replay of the workshop that I taught about this topic) will help you immensely. In this episode of the podcast, I answer many questions that were submitted to me about this topic by my email & text subscribers. These questions are deeply honest, vulnerable, brave, & relatable. The clarity you're looking for is waiting for you in the questions that I give you to reflect on during this episode. Get the replay here for the “Stop Self-Sacrificing & Calling it LOVE” Class. You don’t have to live another moment in agonizing confusion and chaos within your relationships. You’ll walk away from this episode and the replay of this workshop knowing EXACTLY how to answer your own questions & be your own guiding light in the midst of painful relationship struggles. You deserve happiness. It doesn't have to be so complicated. Get the replay of the class HERE. Get my free codependency cheat sheet here. Take the free codependency quiz here.  

Why do we put ourselves through so much pain and suffering all in an attempt to simply avoid feeling a painful emotion? Think about it:  How much BS have you put yourself through because you were trying to avoid that nagging sense of shame, or that crushing feeling of loneliness, or the aching feeling of resentment, anger, fear? How many destructive decisions have you made out of impulse or avoidance or acting out in response to an emotion that you didn't know how to handle? We get ourselves deep into avoidance tactics and addictive numbing behaviors, completely avoiding the healing that is available to us when we stop running. You don't have to do this anymore. This episode will help you understand the difference between pushing your feelings down and actually feeling, expressing, and releasing them. It will also detail specific actions that you can take to start creating a more emotionally stable and secure environment for yourself. When you do that you'll start to become less emotionally volatile in general, let alone when you're trying to avoid a particularly painful feeling. In other words, you'll just start feeling better more of the time. Minute 7:15 is especially important, as is 9:30-11:30.  You can also find the transcript here if you'd like to read rather than listen. There are specific instructions in this episode that you can follow. They are simple, free, and universally accessible no matter your situation. Enjoy, love. To schedule a 1:1 session with me, click here. To apply for my group mentorship program, click here. To get my free Cheat Sheet, click here.

Schedule a 1:1 session with me here. Get the FREE Codependency Cheat Sheet here. Learn more about how I help my clients heal their codependency here. _____________________ I recorded this episode while on a wonderful & rainy walk this morning. Warning: it is RAMBLY. Very rambly. Also I'm out of breath. Enjoy. I haven't uploaded a podcast in a very long time, and I wanted to share a little bit about why that is. This episode will also help you check in to see how well you trust yourself. It's important that you make sure that you're not relying on your coach or therapist to make your decisions for you. Yes, it's helpful and important to learn information that helps you make better decisions. But when it comes to the actual decision making, you  must develop the ability to do that YOURSELF. Even when you try to get people to make decisions for you (we all want that sometimes, don't we?) it doesn't work. Work on your own self trust & decision making skills with the info I share in the second half of this episode. Enjoy! For more personalized help with trusting yourself and making sound decisions without the approval/direction of other people, you can schedule a 1:1 session with me here.

(Links below) I hope you enjoy this tiny but mighty episode. We all complicate our healing sometimes. I want to remind you of some simple truths in this episode, and I also want to share with you my favorite way to bring myself back when I'm having a hard time. You are amazing, brave, hilarious, sweet, trustworthy, capable, allowed, and good. To learn more about coaching with me, click here. To get my FREE cheat sheet that will change your liiiiiiife, click here. To go to my Instagram, click here. To text me--for real and for free--click here. To get the replays of my most recent workshop (over 3 hours of extremely practical & helpful content) click here.

If you listen to one thing today, let it be A Single Revolution, Shani Silver's debut book. It is outstanding and while reading it you will have no choice but to become a fuller, more joyous, more alive version of your beautiful self. Find her helpful, hilarious, excellent writing & her VERY valuable patreon podcast here. Buy her book, A Single Revolution, here.

Register for the workshop & GET THE REPLAY at this link. Yes, you can get the replay even if you find this link after the workshop took place. You deserve to be entirely in love with your life. That has been my mantra and my North Star ever since I started Codependent Millennial Coaching. So many of our experiences in life make us forget that we do deserve to be in LOVE with our lives. Remember what you know, Sophie. Have you lost the spark, joy, passion, direction, and power in your life? It’s time to take it all back. That’s what we’re going to do tomorrow at 2pm EST. Join us for my Springtime Reset Workshop for only $36. This price is quite frankly nuts, but I like it that way. See you soon. ~Sophie P.S. The only way to get the replay is to register. Trust me; you’re going to want the replay.

The Black Girls' Guide To Surviving Menopause   Read Omi's Zine!   Follow Omisade on instagram.   Watch Omi's interview with Stylikeu.   Other Inquiries: decolonzingthecrone@gmail.com    About Omisade: Omisade Burney-Scott is a Black southern 7th generation native North Carolinian feminist, mother and healer with decades of experience in nonprofit leadership, philanthrophy, and social justice. She is a founding tribe member of SpiritHouse and previously served as a board member of The Beautiful Project, Village of Wisdom, and Working Films.  Omisade is the creator of The Black Girl’s Guide to Surviving Menopause, a multimedia project seeking to curate and share the stories and realities of Black women and femmes over 50. She is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill, the proud mother of two sons, and resides in Durham.   Transcript: Sophie Shiloh   You're listening to the codependent millennial podcast with Sophie Shiloh episode 49 Omisade Burney-Scott on being sweet to your damn self Hello, my love. So nice to be talking to you so happier here right now. Today's episode is a treasure. It's a conversation I had with a woman named Omisade Burney-Scott. I want to read to you the words that she uses on her website to self identify. But I think powerful introductions are about so much more than someone's bio resume or a list of all their most notable accomplishments and she has many. But I think it's really important when introducing someone to emphasize the impact they've had on your life. And so that's what I want to do here in this intro as well because while I've only known that Omisade exists for like, two weeks, she really has had an incredibly profound impact on my life. I learned about Omisade and her multimedia project called the Black Girls Guide to surviving menopause a few weeks ago on YouTube, I was watching those amazing style like you interviews and one really stood out there was this radiant, gorgeous woman on the thumbnail. She just looked electric. She was radiating. And then I saw the title. It said my body was screaming at me how depression saved Omisade Burney-Scott's life. And that's my story. So immediately, I was just like, Okay, this is a human that I need to learn from immediately. It was such a moving interview, but I was left with so many questions. So I went to her website started devouring podcast episodes, started seeing all of the incredible things that Omisade is doing out in the world and I was just overwhelmed and inspired and enlightened by her work. So go to the shownotes to find everything that she has going on because there's a lot and it's all really good. She has a zine called messages from the menopausal multiverse. She has an amazing podcast called The Black Girls Guide to surviving menopause. She has essays on grief and love and liberation and so much more. Her website is Black Girls Guide to surviving menopause calm. Her podcast is Black Girls Guide to surviving menopause and you can find her on Instagram at oceans sweet and sour, sweet and sour ocean sweet and sour. I'm seriously so honored that these women that I admire and appreciate and call on as guides want to talk to me. My intention with that statement isn't to belittle myself at all. But after the conversation with John on the last episode and this conversation with Omisade and with a couple of other things that I have in the works like I'm just blown away, really by this huge web of a community that you don't even realize exists before you dip your toe in. Please don't wait a single moment or talk yourself out of it when you feel the spark of wanting to get in touch with someone even if your brain tries to tell you that they're too important and smart and busy and powerful and cool to talk to you. I just recorded interviews with two of my heroes in the span of 30 days so you can literally do anything. Trust me. Trust me. Before I roll this interview with her I'll read to you her own words about who she is and what she does. Omisade Burney-Scott is a black southern Seventh Generation native North Carolinian feminist mother and healer with decades of experience in nonprofit leadership, philanthropy and social justice. She's a founding tribe member of spirit house, and previously served as a board member of the beautiful project village of wisdom and working films. Omisade is the creator of the Black Girls Guide to surviving menopause, a multimedia project seeking to curate and share the stories and realities of black women and femmes over 50. She's a graduate of UNC Chapel Hill, the proud mother of two sons and resides in Durham. Now, without making you wait another moment, please enjoy this conversation that I had with Omisade. Omisade Burney-Scott, you are amazing. I want you to give a little bit of an introduction. I'm going to introduce you of course before this, but I want you to tell my audience who you are what is really important that people know about you. Omisade   That's a great question. And thank you for having me. So I think the things that are really important to me, that I want your listeners to know is not what I do, but who I am and who I'm trying to be. So who I am. I am a seventh generation North Carolinian so I'm southern who I am As I'm A I, my parents daughter, and my parents or ancestors have been deceased now for almost 20 years or more. So, I move in the world as somebody whose child but not somebody who's here physically anymore. I am a sister. I have older siblings and a younger sister. I'm mom to two spectacularly beautiful black boys, who aren't boys anymore. My oldest son will be 30 next month, my youngest son will be 14 in October. But they they've taught me so much about like, how to love and how to love myself and be more soft and open and gentle with them and with me. I am an Aries. Me Sue. Yeah, but with a Leo moon and Leo rising. So I am fire fire in fire. Sophie Shiloh   Incredible. That's so powerful. Omisade   I think that's important for folks to know. Sophie Shiloh   Yeah, exactly what they're getting into, Omisade   you know, just just be prepared. And I'm a really passionate person around healing. My own healing, and the healing and safety of my people, black people. Healing of our country, healing of our culture is my my thing. I think that liberation and radical love, like is at the core of healing. So that's really important to me. And like who I'm trying to be, it's just a really happy, vibrant, safe, joyous, young person. That's who I'm I'm trying to be? Sophie Shiloh   Can I ask you to elaborate a little bit about radical love and what that means to you how you embody that how you use that in your relationship with you? Omisade   Yeah, so I think, you know, I had a very traditional kind of view of what love is, I have older parents, who were both born during the Great Depression, and raised in Jim Crow South. And so a lot of the ways that I experienced love from my parents was, you know, providing you something, right, like you have a home, you have a safe place to live, you have a safe place to lay your head, you you are going to school, you'll get to go to college. You're safe, like your physical safety, in terms of like stability was like a really important thing. But kind of emotional vulnerability was not something that was always available to them. And I understand why. And I also feel like for me, I didn't think that I could be as sensitive as I am emotionally, I felt like that was problematic. So I started to try to figure out like how to mask my emotions or mask my sensitivity, not very successfully, honestly. And so as I've gotten older, and also have been on a pretty consistent journey around my mental health and my wellness, radical love looks like me actually allowing myself to be much more curious and open to my authentic self. Like, who is she? What does she want? What does she desire? What does softness look like? What does intimacy and vulnerability look like? In all relationships, I choose to do have access to that, because I don't think that everybody should have access to it. I think boundaries are really important. But I think that the radical part of it is like, what does it mean for me to be vulnerable to myself, and allow myself to have whatever kind of thoughts I might have? And be curious about the origins of those thoughts without shaming or being embarrassed? Or if I am feeling some embarrassment for a thought or if I am feeling some shame or whatever, for thought to allow that to just be released from me in his time, you know, and not like you're failing you have to hurry up and get over this thought, like no, I'm not feeling I'm like this thought has is here for a reason or this feeling is here for a reason. And so I think the radical part of that is like, working everyday to suspend judgment working everyday to sit to alleviate shame, working every day to be more open to who I am in who I allowed to have access to my authentic self. So. Sophie Shiloh   So that is a beautiful lead into just me saying just for a second about how I discovered you, because I found out about you five minutes ago, essentially. And I really, I saw your style, like you interview and I was immediate. I'm like, I'm done, like, so I'm done. It's, I was blown away. And so I haven't had the chance yet to like, listen to quite every single podcast you have. But I just dove in immediately and started gobbling them up. So the the thing you said the phrase you said, that kind of hit me and just told me that I had to reach out to you and talk to you and learn everything you have to say. And all of that was you talking about just being sweet to your damn self. And part of that, you know, includes not coming to yourself with judgment and shame, like you just mentioned, which is amazing. I want you to talk more about that. But that there are so many ways for us to be sweet to our damn selves. And you also had an interview with blue now, who was that interview? Everyone has? That's just, it's prerequisite information for like, a woman on earth. You know what I mean? Omisade   I think so too. She was a absolute hoot when

Learn more about Joan & the energetic work that she does around money at prosperityplace.com There are 2 spots left in The Codependency Cure Mentorship--learn more and apply here.

go.codependentmillennial.com Save your spot in my free New Year's Live Training happening December 27th & 28th. Spots are limited, and I will be coaching you live on these calls. This episode is for you if you're struggling to appreciate yourself, struggling to celebrate or at the very least accept yourself. This is also the perfect episode for you if you're someone who spends a lot of time in fear, worry, anxiety, and perfectionist thinking. I'll take you through processes in this episode so that you can release fear & step into a really lovely relationship with yourself that is more loving, appreciative, adoring, and joyful!!  I hope this serves as a perfect mid-winter pick-me-up for you if you're being particularly hard on yourself this season. Choose LOVE when you talk to yourself this week, okay? Okay. Now go register for my free New Year's Live Training so I can coach you on all the good stuff.

Learn more at learn.codependentmillennial.com Join me today as I discuss what it means to "overshare", why we overshare, how to determine when it’s harmful for you, and how to stop oversharing if you want to. What is oversharing? Overstepping your own boundaries(or someone else's depending on the information) in a conversation with someone else. Why do we do it? Because of our (codependent) need to try to gain the approval of others. How is oversharing harmful? Oversharing undermines and chips away at your relationship with yourself and your trust of yourself and your own intuition. This is one way in which we disempower ourselves & we can stop if we want to. How do I know if I’m oversharing? You can feel the difference. You know the difference between healthy venting vs. unhealthy dumping. You know the difference between healthy explanation and communication vs. unhealthy oversharing in an effort to gain external approval or permission or validation. You know the difference between what it feels like to do something that undermines your relationship with yourself vs. what it feels like to do something that bolsters your self trust, your confidence, your self concept, etc. How do I stop oversharing? You need space. Just a fraction of a moment of awareness and observation--awareness of what’s going on for you in that moment that is causing you to want to overshare, try to justify your decisions, try to get approval from this other person for your decisions, etc. When you get that awareness, it doesn’t magically change your behavior but it does become easier to let go of harmful behaviors when you see so plainly and clearly that they negatively affect you. What does progress looks like for you? Maybe a huge improvement for you would look like not answering EVERY single question that someone asks you that you don’t want to answer in a conversation. Maybe progress for you looks like changing the subject at dinner, or taking a breath and checking in with yourself and how you feel before discussing something personal with someone who asks. Please: acknowledge and celebrate your progress during this process!   If you’re looking for more support in healing your codependency, you can learn more about my codependency coaching program at learn.codependentmillennial.com

In this episode we cover WHY we hate parts of ourselves, HOW this affects us, and WHAT to do about it.  You can truly take everything in this episode and use it to completely deprogram self-hatred, self-judgement, and self-resentment.  The work is waiting for you--dive in! For more support, text me (yes, it's really me!) at 216-279-4035. Just say hi & we'll be connected. If you want to explore coaching with me, you can fill out the application at this link. *Note: in the intro to this episode I say that it's episode 44 but it's actually episode 45. Oops! Hooray for 45 episodes! Thank you so much for being here & tuning in.

In this replay of last week's Codependency Workshop, we cover 3 of the main elements to healing codependency: 1. Boundaries 2. Making strong decisions 3. Self-Trust Engaging with the material in this workshop will help you to identify what you really want in life (maybe for the first time ever), to make confident decisions to pursue those things, and to trust yourself all along the way. If you're ready for expert support in healing your codependency with the most comprehensive program around, visit go.codependentmillennial.com to apply for one of the 3 remaining spots in The Codependency Cure Mentorship.  

Today we’re talking about the thought pattern of thinking, “What is wrong with me?” and also about the pattern of using everything that happens in your life as evidence that there is something very wrong with you. Right now I’m scheduling discovery calls for the next round of the Codependency Cure Mentorship program. We have 6 more spots left as of April 27th, and doors close on May 12th. If you want to explore working together, you can fill out an application and schedule a discovery call with me so that we can look at what’s coming up for you around codependency, and talk about how I might be able to help you heal it. Join me over on Instagram at @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

Today, we explore how and why your brain tries to convince you that the things that are BEST for you are actually, “terrible ideas”. Confused about codependency? Check out my Codependency Cheat Sheet linked here. Join me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

Today, I want to address a question that I’ve been getting from a lotttttt of people recently about how to help others along their journeys. Listen in to find out how this question and concept has come to me in a few different forms over the past 2 weeks. I am still accepting applications for another round of the Codependency Cure Mentorship starting March 1st! Click here to apply or visit codependentmillennial.com for more details. Find me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

Today we're talking about hidden obstacles to healing: the beliefs in your mind that are preventing you from getting what you want but that you think are just the truth -- those are your blocks. One of the greatest things that a coach can do for you (one of the greatest things that I think I do for my clients) is not to buy into their stories about their own limitations. Click here for details on the next round of the Codependency Cure Mentorship starting March 1st! Join me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

This episode will explore some very intimate work that I’ve been doing with a client of mine on her beliefs about what certain behaviors mean about her. **Trigger warning** If you’ve ever had someone in your life call you a whore, a slut, a bitch, or if you yourself are actually a sex worker, this episode will be helpful for you, but it will also be triggering. Click here for more details on the next round of the Codependency Cure Mentorship starting March 1st! Not sure where to start? Take my quiz here to find out where you should begin healing your codependency. Find me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

Listen in for some triggering questions I ask my clients. As always, get your journal ready and prepare to change your life. Click here to apply for 1:1 coaching with me. Join me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

This episode covers everything you need to know about self-doubt: how it holds us back, what's waiting for us after we get past it, and how to move forward even if self-doubt is still a strong part of our inner dialogue. Click here to apply for 1:1 coaching with me and to schedule a free call to discuss your life and your specific goals, and click here for more details about working with me. Join me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!

Tune in to find out the three secrets missing from your New Year's ritual, and change the game for yourself in 2021. Click here to apply for 1:1 coaching with me and visit https://www.codependentmillennial.com/ to learn more. Find me on Instagram @codependentmillennial for more tips on how to move beyond codependency and build a life you truly love!