Listen Now

Today I have something precious and beautiful to share with you. It’s a shared learning community called Rooted - A Global Village, Healing the Human Family, and Co-Imagining New Ways of Being.  In a popular article for the Financial Times, Indian novelist Arundahti Roy, wrote about the time we’re in as a portal, she says:   "Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next."   What happens at that crossroads of experience for us matter, and I want to contribute intentionally to the world that comes after this.   I'm sharing all about this opportunity in the podcast today  - I hope you'll listen in, and if you'd love to join us, we'd love to have you.   Learn more about our global village, Rooted, here.   

There's a lot happening in the world right now, and in this episode I want to explore some interesting and emergent threads related to the spread of a virus we're collectively experiencing as a threat.  While this episode is relevant to the spread of this virus and some of the dysfunctions it exposes, it's relevant as well to all our moments of crises, the dysfunction they reveal, the chaos they introduce, and the potent opportunity those moments present to take pause, reorient, and make moves in a new direction.  Chaos is often where we birth new perspectives and experiences.   After you listen to the episode, be sure you're signed up to receive emails from me, as I'll share some free resources this weekend that I hope can support you during this time. You can be added by heading here and registering to receive news and information for the Embodied Trauma Conference!  

Events that can lead to trauma, especially in childhood, can impact upon mental and physical health outcomes across our lifetimes. Trauma is a loaded word often reserved for severe abuse, neglect and violence, but trauma touches all our lives in some way and to varying degrees (it touches us or those we love, or the culture around us) and we need to understand how. Understanding the link between what causes us to suffer today and trauma in our histories is a CRITICAL missing piece to so many of our mental and physical health conditions - like syndromes, autoimmune conditions, chronic pain conditions, anxiety, depression and more - and to our experiences of unnecessary suffering.  The critical missing piece is in how some common and some not-so-common experiences we had continue to be held in our bodies, creating pervasive feelings of danger that influence our thoughts, perception and behavior.  There are some fascinating links to explore in this episode that I hope you'll get a sense for, but I'm also introducing you to a FREE educational resource around trauma and its healing towards the end of the episode, that will delve a lot deeper into this fascinating link, so stay tuned for that!  You can find today's show notes HERE, including the link to the free resource! 

Rick Hanson PhD is a psychologist and New York Times Best-Selling author who talks about the factors that contribute to our experiences of well-being and resilience, and, importantly, the how part of how that happens. He’s an important name in the mindfulness world, and Rick loves to talk about the neurological underpinnings of the practices we do and the changes to our life experience they can make. His approach is down to earth and practical.  And beyond that, there’s a kindness, generosity and wisdom he embodies that can’t help but be felt - even thousands of miles away and via an online platform. During our chat we covered a range of topics related to mothers, parenting, resilience factors, the role of anger, 6 year old Rick's revelation around self-care, the 4 important aspects we can cultivate, and much more. I hope you enjoy listening to our chat as much as I enjoyed having it. Learn how to connect with Rick via the show notes here. 

Have you ever wondered about how a child's birth story (or your own birth story) might relate to later experiences in life and behaviors?  In today's episode, I talk with the wonderful Annie Brook (author and therapist) on what she calls "Birth's Hidden Legacy".  Annie is a therapist who works with families and children (and people of all ages) to repair some of the earliest imprints of trauma they experienced, often at the time of birth.  She also touches on some of the important developmental experiences infants need at the beginning of life that shape subsequent experience and behavior.  This episode will be interesting for anyone curious about their children's behavior (w/things like power struggles or high sensitivity) and what it might be pointing back to.  Annie offers a tremendous wealth of resources and experience and most of all HOPE that repair is always - even at an older age - possible. Take heart and have a listen! Learn more about Annie and access further resources in the show notes for the episode.  You'll also find time stamps for our chat together.  

I've been reflecting on the interesting connection between our capacity to have and to allow big experiences in our bodies (like big emotions and sensations) and how it relates to our growth potential and expansion in life.  Or do we sabotage even those things we deeply desire to experience? How big can something get for us experientially before we slink away, shut down or turn tail and run or otherwise stay small because it feels safe.  Find podcast show notes and further resources here.

"Stop crying", "there's nothing wrong with you," and "you shouldn't be upset about that" are all examples of things we can say that can invalidate another's experience. Invalidating experience is to question the foundation or reality of a person's feelings and perception.  This can happen more subtly and inadvertently than we might think - if we're overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed or otherwise distracted. Invalidation can lead to experiences of disconnection, confusion and challenges later in life ranging from an inability to be in touch with emotions and mature emotionally, to a disconnection from, and an inability to be in touch with, needs and desires.  We might need a dose of courage to look honestly at some of the small ways we may unconsciously invalidate our kids (and others), but it's only through a willingness to look that we can start to change things.  Want to take part in the free Emotional Triggers Training? You can find it here.

Having our experience validated as children by the important adults in our lives is an important part of self-making and the development of self-worth and self-trust.  Our ability as parent's to validate our children's experience is so important that chronic in-validation is thought to be a contributor to mental illness.  In today's episode we talk about what it means to validate experience, and how it contributes to our children's developing selfhood.  We'll talk about how validation contributes to a child's belief that their feelings and emotions are valid and worth paying attention to.  We'll also explore the near-enemy of validation that construes validation with condoning negative (mis)perceptions or destructive behavior - which, beyond being unhelpful, can help to reinforce a victim mentality.  Learning this distinction can be powerful.  This is one in a two-part series on validation and in-validation, and how these experiences shape our experience of self.  You'll find the shownotes here. 

How much do we suffer when we feel misunderstood by another person? And how does that experience drive our behavior to either make things better with them, bend over backwards to shape their perception of us so that their vision of us aligns with what we want them to see, OR do we make them wrong somehow so that we feel better? We think we're afraid of what other people think and feel about us, but really what we're afraid of is how their perception of us will cause us to FEEL. We can fear the feeling itself,.  When we strip away all of the stories we create about ourselves and others, and the mental circus feeling misunderstood sets off, what are we left with?  That's what we're exploring in this episode: how feeling misunderstood can drive our behavior, and how we can reframe the experience and learn to relate to it a different way through embodiment.   Show notes can be found here. 

I hear people talking about energy vampires a lot these days, and it always stirs something up in me. And what better time (than Halloween season) to explore this notion of energy vampires and their "victims". In this podcast, I want to explore the limits of this concept of energy vampires (and “toxic” people) overall, and explore our part in the co-creation of relationship dynamics (so if you identify as an empath, I talk about this) and how we want to start moving beyond these concepts.  Because, while they can illuminate patterns for us, our use of these concepts can keep us victimized, cut off from ourselves, our healing, and from our ability to embody our power in such a way that we don’t HAVE to work constantly to manage relationships and constantly work to protect ourselves. Ultimately, when we can embody our power, we can effortlessly communicate healthy boundaries to the world. Want to get started with some simple embodiment practices?  Have a look at the resources in the episode's show notes.  

How ok are you with the experience of boredom - yours or your kids?  Or do you have a knee-jerk reaction to get out of it as quickly as possible? We have a rule in our house that it's good to be bored, but I don't know many adults who are ok with boredom. Indeed, boredom can drive us from the present moment fast, and into distractions and addictions to distraction just so we don't have to feel the discomfort that boredom brings.  But beyond the discomfort of boredom - when we bring mindful inquiry to it - is often creativity, insight and healing.  We have an invitation in boredom to shift our relationship to those moments from boredom as a problem to boredom as a portal.   I have a reflection for you to use with this topic the next time you feel boredom, which you'll find here in the shownotes. 

Would you associate conflict resolution with play? I asked my little boy last week if he wanted to fight me. We were both ramped up and annoyed, and talking wasn’t helping, so I invited him to rumble.  Sometimes we overthink things and we talk too much. Part of living too much from in a disconnected brain and body is that we deny natural human animal instincts we have that are truly resources for us if we let them be.  Like healthy aggression and play. Impulses we have to express the sympathetic charge we have (and the energy of it in our bodies) with others within the context of safety.   You'll find the show notes here!

For so many, conflict can be triggering. Notably, if we had poor models for conflict, or if conflict for us comes with a great deal of fear - of loss of relationship or repercussions if we engage with it.  This can cause us to fall into defensive stress responses when conflict comes up - so that, instead of engaging with another with confidence, we may shut down, fall into self doubt, or become overly aggressive. We don’t want to rid ourselves or the world of conflict.  Conflict is a great teacher. It can promote self and mutual understanding. It tells about what we want and what others want and in what direction in life we want to move. Conflict is part of life, but to allow it to be a creative force, we first need to disentangle our ideas about conflict from our earlier experiences with it, and increase our tolerance for it and resilience in it.   To learn more about the "How to Fight Better - Creating the Conflict Container" workshop, visit the show notes here.      

This is a vulnerable one for me, but I think it's also highly relatable and it could touch someone else's life the way it touched mine, to hear of this idea of the mother loyal voice. Years ago, I was introduced to an idea that completely shifted the way I related to some of my thinking and deeply held beliefs, especially those thoughts that kept me mired in self-aggressive thinking.  It's the idea that we can internalize a voice as children that we can carry throughout life, never realizing how this "voice" is shaping how we think and feel and behave.  We may have lived with this voice for so long, we simply mistake it for our own. This episode explores how and why certain ideas get internalized by us to become our thoughts and beliefs in the first place, and the important role they played for us as children (i.e. strategies!)...but why we also want to start thinking more critically about them now.    Check out the podcast show notes here!

A mama on a course of mine once expressed her utter heartbreak at the realization she had that, even in moments she'd reserved for her kids, she struggled to truly be present with and enjoy them.  Her overwhelm and her busy body and mind kept her from being fully there with them; even as they wanted to connect.  And there's a genuine sadness that comes with that experience. What we also miss in our disconnection from the present is the ability to "rejoice" in our kids.  How present or not we are will influence how our kids experience "being parented" by us.  Feeling unsafe in our bodies, contributes to this experience of being locked in the world of thoughts (so much so that we don't realize it's a product of this feeling - and a contributor to it!).  Our lack of presence can feel like "life passing us by", or as if we're living life from behind a veil, unable to make contact with our lives right here.  The roots of so much dis-ease and discontent lies in all the ways we can't be here. Right now.   Podcast show notes can be found HERE. 

Why do we struggle so much sometimes to receive?  To receive compliments, to receive kindness, to receive love, or to receive help when we need it?  The topic of reception is an important one, because our inability to receive contributes to an imbalance that cuts us off from the constant flow and exchange of energy that takes place when there's a true balance between giving and receiving.  But women and mothers I know can be so challenged in their ability to receive - and they've developed ways to block it, sabotage it or even distrust it.  What is your relationship like to receiving and how can we learn to embrace the act of receiving? Let's explore this together in today's episode! As always, you can connect with me HERE on the EP's page! 

In today’s episode, I’m sharing a childbirth story with you. I had a lot of fun last week exploring our personal journey through the lens of the (archetypal) story of Harry Potter. But this week I wanted to share a story about what it looks like to meet (with mindfulness and with intention) the momentum of the stories we tell ourselves about how an experience should or could be. And how this confrontation opens up new paths. Coming back to the body, and experiencing a moment from there, we come out of the concepts (labels, judgments & beliefs) we hold and that shape our perception of an experience, and this has the power to open us up to NEW experiences we didn’t know were possible. The story of my daughter’s birth epitomizes this well - and it was the story I shared on a Tedx stage almost a year ago. Show notes and further resources are here!

You are magic - did you know that? You have the power of influence by way of "mysterious" forces (i.e. things that aren't easily measured). But what I really mean to say is that you're a creator. And you have powers - superpowers, even - that can shape your experience of your life and this world if you only knew that about yourself. Not unlike one of literature's favorite protagonists, Harry Potter, whose own essence - like yours - was hidden from him. But here's what's important to note - the ignorance and fear that keeps us locked underneath the stairs? It also had an important part to play in our story. Find out more in the podcast this week as I relate our journey to the story of Harry Potter. Come check out the show note here.    

We talk more about the KEY to our healing through the body, and how and why we can struggle to do this. Our disconnection from the body is often experienced like a foreign land that's host to a lot of experiences we've learned to fear.  Because if they felt "too big" then, they often feel "too big" now. Like the sensations that come with strong emotions or unpleasant feelings.  We can come to fear these parts of ourselves that have become disconnected from the whole of who we are, and in their separation they exist in the shadows; and from there they can feel like monsters.  But they're not; they're a part of us, and the important work we need to do is to start to integrate these experiences again back into our present moment experience.  Until we find true refuge in the body, we'll struggle to control our lives and the people in them to feel better. And in that mode, we'll always struggle.  Our disconnection from the body is individual, but it's also cultural. I also explore this notion in the episode.   You can skip the embodiment practice at the beginning of the episode by going to 05:15 in the episode.  (I move more quickly through this exercise in the episode than I would normally do.  If you'd like to work with it separately, you can find it by visiting the podcast notes). Visit the podcast show notes here!

What do we deeply want in our relationship with our kids? (And in our relationship to life, really). And what do we want to experience? We live in very disconnected and disembodied ways, in a very disconnected and disembodied world. It's this disconnection from the body that contributes to so much of our suffering and keeps us from fully inhabiting the present moment. And it keeps us from experiencing the fullness of our human life; our freedom, our vitality, our fierceness and joy. Coming home to the body is the path home. And in this episode we begin to explore what this means and what it looks like. This week, I have something for you! A practice to use to experience what awareness of and in the body feels like as opposed to relating to the body from the mind.   Come download the practice here.