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The Beaverton Weekly Report
61 minutes | Dec 5, 2018
December 5, 2018: Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings
Luke and the Panel (Lora Campbell, Chanty Marostica and Lucia Linares Leon) do a deep dive on gender identity issues. They discuss how the trans and non-binary communities are dealing with attacks from Doug Ford, Donald Trump, faux allies and even other members of the lgbtq community. Then they break down Justin Trudeau's supes cas 50 million dollar charity donation tweet. And the approximately ten minute long quiz discovers the Catholic Church might be bad?
52 minutes | Nov 28, 2018
November 28, 2018: Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close
Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Jon Blair, Todd Van Allen) talk about people getting screwed over! Specifically the people of Oshawa getting screwed over by GM (1:00), Paul Manafort maybe getting screwed over by Julian Assange by way of Robert Mueller (18:30) and refugees/human rights/Mexican sovereignty getting screwed over by the Trump admin (32:00).
64 minutes | Nov 21, 2018
November 21, 2018: St. Michael's principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity
Luke and the Panel (Callum Wratten, Dave Barclay and Ryan Dillon) figure out what is wrong with the NDP, the Conservatives and Canada's private school system! They also discuss the Ontario PC's war on trans people and the french community, and of course the latest in Trumpworld. Then the approximately 10 minute long quiz finds the best way to win a darts competition.
60 minutes | Nov 8, 2018
November 8, 2018: The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement's dick
Luke and the Panel (Michael Balazo, Kristy LaPointe and Ian MacIntyre) try not to get overwhelmed by how much news there is. They start by recapping the midterm elections and CNN's coverage (1:45), then move on to Trump firing everyone's favourite racist elf in Jeff Sessions (32:00) and Tony Clement's Unsexy Sexy Scandal (39:30). Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz discovers the best get rich quick scheme of all time.
58 minutes | Oct 31, 2018
October 31, 2018: New CBC article ranks top 5 murderous dictatorships that can help grow your RSP
Luke and the Panel (Dave Atkinson, Aaron Hagey-MacKay and Andrew Ivimey) refuse to let the news get them down. They talk Trump’s influence over the mail bomber (2:30) and the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter (11:30), plus his attempt to use an executive order to eliminate the 14th amendment (17:00) while one of his fans plotted to bring down the Mueller investigations (22:30). They also make fun of Brazil’s new crazy leader (31:30) and Ontario’s semi-new crazy one (38:00). And because the news is depressing, Luke reads some Mr. Rogers trivia to make everyone feel happy. Plus the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz finds out what has annoyed the Satanic Temple this week.
52 minutes | Oct 24, 2018
October 24, 2018: Analysts not sure rebate cheques and keeping humanity alive will convince Canadians to support carbon tax
Luke and the Panel (Alex Huntley, Alice Moran, Diana McCallum) talk elections! The Canadian municipal elections went mostly as expected with Tory being re-elected (1:30), but also contained some highs: goodbye Mammoliti and @norm and some lows: Patrick Brown is mayor of Brampton, a Nazi finished third in Toronto?! (6:00). Meanwhile at Queen's Park Doug Ford is freezing the minimum wage For The People (15:00) and in Ottawa Justin Trudeau has come up with a great plan to sell Canadians on a carbon tax: giving them free money (20:00). Down south the US Midterms are heating up and Luke is going insane trying to analyze the early voting numbers (30:00). Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz finds the worst Legal Weed take imaginable.
61 minutes | Oct 17, 2018
October 17, 2018: Local man willing to do anything that doesn't affect his daily life to stop climate change
Luke and the Panel (Rebecca Reeds, Craig Fay and Andrew Ivimey) ask the important question: you ever listen to a podcast ON WEED? They talk the media hype over weed legalization (2:00), the vastly different rules/regulations governing legal weed in different provinces and cities (7:30) and shed a tear for the plight of the local weed dealers we all grew up with (12:00). They also celebrate the fact that people are still talking the UN Climate Change report while also bemoaning the fact that nothing will get done (22:00), and recap 2-3 of the 8000 crazy things Trump did this week (30:00). Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz
47 minutes | Oct 10, 2018
October 10, 2018: Doug Ford ends opposition to Carbon Tax after reading all 2,500 pages of UN Climate Change Report
Luke and the Panel (Nour Hadidi, Courtney Gilmour and Ryan Dillon) talk about how we're all going to die! They break down why the most recent UN Climate Change Report is a warning that can't be ignored (2:00), but will be (12:00). They also discuss why the sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh did not prevent his assent to the Supreme Court (18:30) and wonder whether anyone will even notice a change once weed is legal (32:30). Then the approximately ten minute long quiz presents the most Florida news story of all time.
61 minutes | Oct 3, 2018
October 3, 2018: Conservatives: 'If we had re-negotiated NAFTA we would have capitulated immediately but also gotten Canada everything we wanted'
Luke and the Panel (Jocelyn Geddie, Dave Barclay, Jen MacIntyre) make jokes about complicated international trade agreements! They break down why 'USMCA' is a terrible acronym (1:30), the Conservatives suddenly pretending they wanted to play hardball with Donald Trump (9:30) and marvel at how the left have become the champions of free trade (15:30). Then they discuss the CAQ's shocking/completely unsurprising electoral victory in the Quebec provincial election (16:30), speculate wildly about whether this is the end of the sovereignty movement (20:00) and round out the discussion with a fun/horrifying breakdown of the latest in Kavanaugh (32:00). Then the approximately 10 minute long quiz discovers the easiest way to commit bank fraud in case anyone was thinking of doing that.
60 minutes | Sep 26, 2018
September 26, 2018: Justin Trudeau campaigns for Security Council seat by wearing traditional United Nations outfit
Luke and the Panel (Miguel Rivas, Alessandra Vite and Callum Wratten) are excited to talk about the news and do fun Australian accents. They do a deep dive into the Brett Kavanaugh scandal, recapping the twitter storm when Ronan Farrow dropped the story of the second accuser (3:30), the insanity of the "I'm a virgin" defence (11:00), how Republicans are turning this into a conspiracy theory (15:00) and predicting what will happen next (21:00). Then they speculate why Ford would not do the easiest thing and denounce Faith Goldy (23:00) and laugh at everyone laughing at Donald Trump at the UN (30:30). Then the approximately 10 minute long quiz finds out what industry millennials are killing now.
61 minutes | Sep 19, 2018
September 19, 2018: Sexual predators about to be most represented minority group on U.S. Supreme Court
Luke and the Panel (Craig Fay, Diana McCallum, Aaron Hagey-MacKay) have no shortage of ridiculous stories to discuss this week. They get into the fact that People's Party of Canada sounds like the name of a communist country (2:30), debate whether Bernier has a shot of pulling in Liberal and NDP voters (12:00), talk about little Dougie Ford and the latest adventures in the Notwithstanding Clause (17:00), explore why the people who drafted S. 33 wagging their fingers at Ford is bullshit (28:00) mourn the loss of childhood innocence brought on by Stormy Daniels' use of a MarioKart reference to describe Trump's junk (35:00) and pose the laughable question of whether Republicans will do the right thing with the Kavanaugh confirmation (37:30). Then the approximately 10 minute long quiz discovers a fun way to boost civic engagement in municipal elections.
61 minutes | Sep 12, 2018
September 12, 2018: 'Doug is doing the right thing' says man who would lose his shit if Trudeau invoked the Notwithstanding Clause
Our award winning* podcast returns! Luke explains the reason for the longer than expected hiatus and updates everyone on what's been going on these past 10 months. Then he and the Panel (Kat Angus, Andrew Ivimey, Ian MacIntyre) kick off season 2 with an all time great episode. They discuss Doug Ford's bombshell announcement that he will invoke the Notwithstanding Clause for the first time in Ontario's history (4:00), break down why Ford's move is a gift to law students and poli sci majors who now get to smugly explain S.33 to their facebook friends (9:15), speculate what the right would do if Trudeau invoked S. 33 (16:30), detail how Jagmeet Singh can survive as NDP leader (22:00), guess the name of Bernier's new party (32:00) and of course delight in the latest craziness coming out of Trump world (39:30). Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz reveals how much we all love a 'hero dog saves man' story. *No really. We won an award. For real. Yes we're serious. No this isn't fake news. Prove it? I mean you could just Google it.
51 minutes | Oct 25, 2017
October 25, 2017: Brave Senator who endorsed, voted for Trump praised for running away from situation he created as fast as possible
Luke and the Panel (Alex Huntley, Craig Fay and Marilla Wex) discuss the Liberals conveniently timed budget update, the 'who gives a shit' Bill Morneau scandal, Quebec's attempt to walk back the Niqab Ban, Donald Trump's SECOND feud with the family members of a deceased U.S. soldier, why Trump is a robot who can't understand human emotion, and the 'bravery' of Republicans who are turning on Trump right before they retire. Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz reveals what is holding dolphins back.
54 minutes | Oct 18, 2017
October 18, 2017: Liberals announce plan to just let every Canadian choose their own tax rate
Luke and the Panel (Ryan Dillon, Rebecca Reeds and Scott Montgomery) talk about Quebec's new Niqab ban, Quebec's distinct Islamophobia, the Liberals 'choose your own adventure' approach to business taxes, the latest in the NAFTA negotiations, and how Trump saying Obama never called the parents of dead soldiers was a quiet week for him. Then the approximately ten minute long quiz finds out it is possible to steal 1.2 million dollars of fajitas.
53 minutes | Oct 11, 2017
October 11, 2017: After interviewing Jagmeet about Air India CBC promises to question Catholic Andrew Scheer about the IRA
Luke is joined by comedians Andrew Ivimey and Freddie Rivas as well as writer Tom Conway. Together they discuss the CBC's dog whistling Jagmeet Singh interview (3:00), why people who don't look like what white Canadians think a Canadian looks like have to constantly prove their Canadianess (10:00), the Harvey Weinstein sex scandal (18:00), the hypocrisy of celebrities finally condemning Weinstein now (24:00), how Trump is Trudeau's DUFF (31:00) and the Trump cabinet suicide pact (37:00). Then the approximately ten minute long quiz discovers the perfect place for escaped prison inmates to hide.
51 minutes | Oct 4, 2017
October 4, 2017: To avoid politicizing tragedy, Republicans offer to debate gun control once America goes a week without a violent gun homicide
Luke and the Panel (Aisha Brown, Tim Rabnett and Aaron Hagey-MacKay) discuss the absurdity of the 'don't politicize this issue' point after the tragedy in Las Vegas (2:30), why some Americans believe gun control laws won't work (8:00), the fact that millions of Americans are convinced the shooter was in ISIS with no evidence (12:00), Donald Trump's inept 'warmest condolences' response (17:00), Trump's very very bad trip to Puerto Rico (24:30) and how the Jagmeet Singh NDP leadership will put Canada's progressivism to the test (30:30). Then the approximately ten minute long quiz finds a way to make cemeteries fun.
51 minutes | Sep 25, 2017
September 25, 2017: Live from JFL42 with Kyle Kinane, Ali Siddiq and D.J. Mausner
Luke is live at the JFL42 Comedy Festival with an all-star panel of Kyle Kinane, Ali Siddiq and D.J. Mausner. Together they discuss what visitors think when they visit Toronto (2:00), Trump's strategy of disinviting people who weren't coming to the White House (6:00), why it's finally appropriate for Canadians to look down on Americans (10:00), when hockey players will finally take a stand (14:30), Kyle's dream to at least get to have some BBQ before the missiles hit (20:00), Ali's theory that late night hosts will take down Trump (25:30), and how Justin Trudeau doesn't seem to realize that he is the PM with the power to do all the things he keeps talking about (28:30). Then the Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz reveals how vital shamwows are during a hurricane.
45 minutes | Sep 20, 2017
September 20, 2017: Nation offers to spend nights, weekends working on Mueller's Trump investigation if it will speed things up
Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nour Hadidi) discuss the #Rocketman speech (2:00), detail why Donald Trump is like an embarrassing mom (5:30), pray for Mueller and his investigative team (9:00), consider how Manafort could be the Wee-Bey of this investigation (13:00), pile on the Sean Spicer at the Emmy's moment (15:00), question whether this is Colbert's hair tussle moment (22:00) and wonder why the fuck Lynn Beyak is still a thing (24:00). Then The Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz proves Germany is the new Florida.
52 minutes | Sep 13, 2017
September 13, 2017: Report: Every day that Ted Cruz does not like a porn tweet now feels boring by comparison
Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Cathryn Naiker and Sebastian Fazio) break down why the Ted Cruz porn story is the greatest news story of the year so far (2:00), debunk the 'unnamed staffer' excuse (6:30), detail the levels of dumbness of the racist woman who heckled Jagmeet Singh (11:00), discuss how unfair it is for people of colour to have to be calm and reasonable in the face of white hatred (17:00), bemoan how lame it will be to pay HST on weed purchases at the LCBO (23:00), and try to find a place in the world for Hillary Clinton in 2017 (30:00). Then The Approximately Ten Minute Long Quiz reveals that French Canadians don't know enough about Tupac.
45 minutes | Sep 7, 2017
September 7, 2017: Ben Affleck announces new film about how the CIA rescued gay men from Chechnya
Luke and panelists Jocelyn Geddie, Leonard Chan and Carol Zoccoli discuss how Trudeau finally acted like the progressive icon American media think he is by rescuing gay Chechens (2:00), plot the Ben Affleck movie about this that gives credit to the CIA (7:30), detail why the opposition to the Liberal tax reform is bullshit (11:00), predict that Doug Ford will win the 2018 mayoral election (19:00) and run out of words to describe the racism of Donald Trump's decision to terminate DACA (25:30). Then the Approximately 10 Minute Long Quiz proves you should never bring an open carry knife to an open carry gun fight.
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