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A brief sample of Paper Machete character comedy by Maggie Winters from the 2.12.22 show.

Hey faithful friends, This week's audio magazine is "headlined" by no less than Janeane Garofalo (!). That said, it also was an embarrassment of eclectic Chicago comedy riches. You'll hear from pregnant operatic soprano Sarah van der Ploeg, singing a hilarious song about mommy culture by Robbie Ellis, a merciless preview of The Real Housewives of Dubai from Sohrab Forouzesh, Erin Diamond as Sex and the City's exiled expat Samantha Jones weighing in on The Week in Men, and Atra Asdou and Gary Pascal as 1% PR gurus defending week's worst offenders in the headlines. Chase it with a scorching number from beloved metal outfit Aweful. Thanks, as always, for your tireless faith and generous contributions.  The Machete gang

Greetings friends, Although re-mounting the Paper Machete post-COVID-lockdown hasn't quite been just-like-riding-a-bicycle easy, each week gets a little more comfortable and familiar. This week we're delighted to bring you an audio magazine featuring longtime contributors as well as a few first-timers. The segments range from crime stories with silver linings, like  Michael Avenatti's prison sentence and the public auction of El Chapo's former safe house, to hilarious musical comedy, to our brand-spankin'-new Marjorie Taylor Greene impersonator (Erin Diamond, formerly our Melania Trump!), plus a beloved rock band, Avantist. Meanwhile, this will be one of our last public podcasts for the foreseeable future. We send out weekly show recordings as a thank you exclusively for our monthly donors. So if you're not a monthly donor, you can become one by visiting https://thepapermachete.org/support and you'll keep receiving the Machete directly to your inbox. And please enjoy this week's excellent lineup of talent: MASTHEAD Erin Diamond Adam Burke Alex Kumin Jamie Shriner Ana Silva and Vinny Thomas Avantist

FRIENDS, Our second show back in the Green Mill was a baller birthday bash for a not-quite-but-maybe-almost post-COVID America. Despite the world literally burning, several of our old-school fave contributors still made a big splash, to everyone's delight. As we attempted to return ever-so-gradually to normalcy, the news gods blessed us with some true silliness—enjoy the tale of the man stopped by Belfast police who insisted the cocaine discovered between his buttcheeks must have been placed there by somewhere else—as well as challenging solemn occasions, like the passing of Donald Rumsfeld. In addition to freshly written current-events segments, swinging tunes by Chicago’s great jazz singer Paul Marinaro, musical comedy by our own Bill Larkin, and standup comedy from visiting Houston-based funnyman Zahid Dewji round out an excellent audio magazine experience. In a few weeks this currently public podcast is going back to being an exclusive thank you, accessible only to our monthly donors. But we still wanted to thank you for sticking with us through so much by sharing it with everyone for a little while longer. For now feel free to alert a fellow Machete fan that this episode is available to all. Thanks, as ever, for the support that makes it happen. And dig this hot lineup: MASTHEAD Bill Larkin Zahid Dewji Atra Asdou and Gary Pascal Paul Marinaro Sorhab Forouzesh Mark Chrisler The Braided Janes

FRIENDS, At long last, the wait is finally over. This past Saturday afternoon (June 26, 2021)—despite the very rare Chicago tornado warning just a few hours before showtime and a torrential downpour that could have kept folks away—the Paper Machete officially reopened its run at the Green Mill. A stellar cast and an outrageously enthusiastic audience brought us back to life in a most rousing and entertaining  afternoon. Included on the bill were several artists who have been in the show since its inception in 2010. And now we're delighted to bring you our first post-COVID shutdown, post-Trump Machete audio magazine chock full of some of the finest in our rotation. We've said it before and will continue to repeat it: It was YOUR support that pulled the Machete through this awful period. On behalf of both Machete artists and our amazing audiences everywhere, we're beyond grateful. That said, let's get back down to business now, shall we? MASTHEAD Josh Zagoren Jamal Guichon Chris Hauser Sam Bailey John Szymanksi and Bethany Thomas Katie Watson Baby Teeth

Happy St. Patty's Day Machete fans, This week marks an emotionally treacherous double holiday for us—both Chicago's trickiest day for saloons crossed with the one-year anniversary of the Machete on lockdown—and it has us in a mood, friends. Our solution, naturally, is a holiday podcast to beat back the blues and blahs of this erstwhile green occasion with comedy and music from Machete past and present. This episode features premium St. Patty's content from Maureen San Diego, stellar standup from artists like Janelle James and John McCombs, some incredible Piers Morgan content, and outstanding Irish folk music from Kate Adams. As ever, we're gobsmacked by your generosity, which has kept the Machete quietly afloat during this most uncertain, turbulent year. We're still here and we're sending you this only because of our donors. If you've donated in the last 12 months, thank you. And to everyone in our community still listening and supporting us, thank you, too. We know that live shows will return this year, even if our own revival date is still very much up in the air. But we will be back with all of you, and we're more grateful for you than we can say. As shots in the arm continue to uptick, our reunion with y'all grows ever closer. Until then, keep the faith and stay safe and enjoy this episode. Much love, Team Machete MASTHEAD Matt Griffo Kate Adams Maureen San Diego Janelle James John McCombs Chris Hauser

Happy Valentines Day, Machete listeners! Whether or not YOU’RE feeling amorous on this frozen, quarantined holiday, we’re pretty sure embattled QAnon ambassadress Marjorie Taylor Green is hot-to-trot enough for all of us (at least if the most recent reporting on her extracurricular love life is to be believed). So why not let our MTG satire melt the frost off your disposition, and enjoy several other bits of Machete comedy and music from our past and present with this Valentine’s Day podcast. This edition contains Green Mill performances from Janeane Garofalo and Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me!’s Brian Babylon, and several stalwart Machete voices. As ever, we are beyond grateful for the support you’ve continued to offer us, and we desperately miss creating a weekly live show for you in Uptown’s most renowned gangster jazz club. We are especially thankful for our monthly donors and those of you that have made financial contributions during the pandemic. You're the reason we're still here, and we deeply appreciate you. Meanwhile, as we all wait for a literal shot in the arm, may this metaphorical one keep you vaccinated against midwinter blues and post-acquittal blahs. Stay safe. And love the one you’re with. Because you’ve never had less of a choice. Xoxo, Team Machete 2.14.21 MASTHEAD Brad Einstein Claire Friedman Tiffany Topol Janeane Garofalo Michael Gomez Brian Babylon Atra Asdou Gary Pascal

Greetings, Machete faithful. In honor of the year that nearly finished all of us off but didn't, we bring you a special year-end podcast we hope will help you y'all over as we wait patiently for the vaccine to work its mojo and allow us to finally gather at the Green Mill again. This episode features archive performances from some of our regular contributors, fresh content from our resident musical madman Bill Larkin and feathered sage Chad the Bird, and even guest appearances by President-elect Biden and Sarah Huckabee Sanders (!), in all their tipsy Saturday afternoon glory. We can't wait to see you on the other side of the worst year in our collective memory, but in the meantime may this episode help make your new year's celebration a warm one, and serve a humble THANK YOU for your endless faith and generous financial support in our endeavors. MASTHEAD Bill Larkin Sonal Aggarwal Chris Hauser Bilal Dardai Erin Diamond Josh Zagoren Nikki Morgan

We miss you all terribly, and wanted to help warm up your kitchens, your earbuds, your car stereos—wherever your Thanksgiving pregame or post-mortem activities are happening—with this special holiday episode, featuring outstanding music, comedy and commentary relevant(ish) to the season from  Green Mill show archives. No matter whatever you're enduring or sacrificing this year, we're beyond grateful to YOU for your faith and support of our endeavors throughout this most turbulent year. May your holiday feast be enhanced by this gaggle of clever showbiz yahoos. MASTHEAD Dylan Carey Bethany Thomas Clark Jones Malic White Rebecca Anderson Ric Walker Reena Calm Marz Timms and Greg Hollimon

This week is all throwbacks to a simpler time, when we only had the Democratic Primaries, Hillary Clinton, and Trump's pissing contest with Kim Jong-un to worry about.   MASTHEAD Amy Auburn Sonal Aggarwal Shane Torres Joel Kim Booster Sohrab Forouzesh Ross Berman  Atra Asdou MUSIC  Podington Bear-Uptown Podington Bear-Relinquish Jahzzar-Money Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror Will be-Introduced Beats Jahzzar-Airship Fury DJ Williams-75&Lower Otis McDonald-Erykah

This week, we bring you a tutorial on how not to apologize inspired by Rep. Ted Yoho's treatment of AOC, as well as archive pieces on the fast food wars, abortion rights, Elizabeth Warren's campaign, and being a Single Living Ur Truth.   MASTHEAD Laura McKenzie Abbi Rajasekhar Michael Gomez Alex Kumin Jayson Acevedo Ella Gale Carly Oishi MUSIC Podington Bear-Uptown Otis McDonald-Erykah BOPD-elevator Podington Bear-Old Skin Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror Blue Dot Sessions-Night Watch Jahzzar-Elevator

This week's Audio Magazine features new sketches based on Ruth Bader Ginsberg's cancer recurrence and the Washington football team's name change, as well as archive pieces musing on racial segregation, how Enlightenment thinking is used as a cover for sexual abuse, and the Hong Kong Protests.   MASTHEAD Brad Einstein Gem Tree Vincent Bryant Jessa Crispin Marz Timms Greg Hollimon Chrissi Rose Kim Bellware MUSIC David Fesliyan-Solutions that Work David Fesliyan-Scary Atmosphere Podington Bear-Uptown Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror Otis McDonald-Does it Float Willbe-Home Sweet Home Broken For Free- Only Knows Joe Bagale-Thank You RGE

This week's Audio Magazine features fresh takes on Kanye's 2020 presidential bid and advice for universities whose international students are being threatened with deportation, as well as archive pieces about Megxit, Mayor Pete, and Melania's fashion choices. MASTHEAD: Sam Trump Erin Diamond McKenzie Chinn Sharup Karim Skyler Higley MUSIC Podington Bear-Uptown True Cuckoo-This Is Not Effortless Esther Abrami-No. 2 Remembering Her Causmic-Unavailable Otis McDonald-Erykah Asher Fulero-Pirouette Sir Cubworth-Butterflies In Love RAGE-Down Time In My Soul RAGE-Poppin Off the Rip Danny Kean/Doug Maxwell-So Smooth

This week, we bring you new essays on the Supreme Court's decision on abortion restrictions, the death of Carl Reiner, and the removal of racist symbols from public spaces, as well as archive pieces on lynchings, White Feminism, and the existence of God. MASTHEAD   Zahid Dewji Alex Kumin Tristan A. Smith Josh Zagoren Virginia Muller Abi Sanchez MUSIC Podington Bear-Uptown Cooper Cannell-Star Spangled Banner Coven Cvlt-Sweet Summer Child Two Face-Causmic Memory Shop-Soulfuss Chad Crouch-Elipsis DJ Williams-Ella Interlude Silent Partner-Called Upon Podington Bear-Lazy River Silent Partner-The Heist JHS Pedals-Cowboy Lullaby Rick Steel-Power Yung Logos-Versace Beat

This week, we bring you a report from the Trump Rally in Tulsa, as well as archive essays on the Straight Pride Parade, White Privilege, and the lack of representation for bisexual men.   MASTHEAD Glitter Moneyyy Whitney Chitwood Seth K. Thomas Sonia Denis Rob Gleeson Dewayne Perkins MUSIC Podington Bear-Uptown Josh Lippi & the Overtimers-St Francis Asher Fulero-Towards Us Back Home-Coyote Hearing DJ Williams-75&Lower Jahzzar-Airship Fury Otis McDonald-Does it Float Joe Bagale-Thank You RGE Silent Partner-The Heist

This week, we have fresh essays on SpongeBob's coming out, the rebranding  of Aunt Jemima products, and Mayor Daley's racism, along with archive content and standup sets.   MASTHEAD: Mathien Kerry Coddett Tom Thakkar Allison Reese Devin Middleton Matt Brown Jaimie de Leon MUSIC BY: Podington Bear-Uptown Willbe-Home Sweet Home Podington Bear-Slotcar Hawaiian Trio-Hawaiian Twilight Podington Bear-Relinquish Podington Bear-Lazy River CLOUDWARMER-The Happening at Three Mile Island Pennsylvania USA Jeremy Blake-Mia Deef-Nostalgia of an Ex-Gangsta Rapper Silent Partner-Get Back Up

In this week's episode, we have fresh discussions on flawed White allyship and corporate virtue signaling, as well as archived sets talking about Black Republicans and James Bond.  We've also asked each contributor to name an organization doing work to support Black communities.  We've listed those orgs in the masthead below; check them out and, if you can, give a donation.  MASTHEAD: AMS. (Youth Empowerment Performance Project) Marsha Warfield (DuSable Museum of African American History) John McCombs (RAINN) Ric Walker (Equal Justice Initiative)  Calvin Evans (Institute for Positive Living) Demi Adejuyigbe (Minnesota Freedom Fund & The People's City Council Freedom Fund) MUSIC: Podington Bear-Slotcar Black Ant-Abstract Concepts What’s Up In The Streets RAGE-Poppin Off The Rip Joe Bagale-Thank You RGE Biocratic-Memory Card Full Otis McDonald-Does it Float Podington Bear-Fingernail Grit Silent Partner-The Heist Otis McDonald-Erykah Text Me Records / Grandbankss-Life is Tough

MASTHEAD Mark James Heath Phillip-Michael Scales  Dr. Devon Price Andy Fleming Pastor Rebecca Anderson Kevin Bozeman MUSIC Letter Box-Far the Days Come Podington Bear-Bad Scene Unheard Music Concepts- Depressed Buddhist I Think I Can Help You-The Hungry Ghost Silent Panther-Some Obsession Podington Bear-Uptown Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror Dee Yan-Key -Bossa Nova Patrick Patrikios-Cruise With Me Otis McDonald-Erykah DJ Williams-Ellas Interlude Density & Time-Cycles Mild Wild-Say Goodnight

MASTHEAD: Avantists Julia Weiss Devin Middleton Evan & Mary Jane Jamal Guichon Reena Calm Bill Larkin MUSIC: DJ Williams-75 Lower Podington Bear-Uptown Silent Partner-The Heist Podington Bear-Slotcar Diamond Ortiz-Mirror Mirror Podington Bear-Smooth Actor Chris Haugen-Ibiza Dream Unicorn Heads-Lonesome Star The 126ers-When Its Good, Its Great Podington Bear-Bad Scene PATCHES-As You Prevent Do Kevin McCleod-Deck the Halls - licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/) Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100263 Artist: http://incompetech.com/ Futuremono-Stillness

MASTHEAD: Sadie & The Stark Andrew Bentley Aasia LaShay Bullock Audrey Jonas Al Jackson  Felonious Munk  MUSIC: Podington Bear-Uptown Podington Bear-Smooth Actor Podington Bear-Violet Podington Bear-Fingernail Grit Chad Crouch-Elipsis Podington Bear-Gizmo Podington Bear-Slotcar XTaKeRux-Demonization