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Terrible Book Club
94 minutes | Jan 18, 2022
Genesis 1:29 Diet by Soul Esprit - Episode 129
Paris’s fiancé was on Reddit one day and saw a picture of one of those cars that's covered in bumper stickers and flyers. He decided to zoom in on the bumper stickers and found many that mentioned "Soul Esprit". A few Google searches later and we knew we had to read one of Mr. Esprit's books for the show. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes toxic levels of conspiracy theorism, religious dogma, and two brief moments of misogyny and racism.
96 minutes | Jan 4, 2022
Emblem: Unity by Solomon Glaukos a.k.a. Simon Hagan - Episode 128
Paris was on a walk in Minnesota last year and decided to look inside a Little Free Library on the road. Within it, she found Emblem: Unity, flipped it open to a random page, and knew the luck of Terriblo was with her that day. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussions around animal violence, parental abuse, bad mental health advice, and suicide.
110 minutes | Dec 21, 2021
Star Wars: Life Day Treasury by George Mann and Cavan Scott - Episode 127
A few months ago on a website far, far away... It is a dark time for the Terrible Book Club. Although 2021 is nearly over, Terriblo still pursues them through the far reaches of time and space. Evading the dreaded Christmas Cheer, our two intrepid readers - Paris and Chris - have hidden away in the icy enclave of New England. However, the evil lord Terriblo, obsessed with torturing the young readers, has dispatched thousands of terrible holiday books into the far reaches of bookstores and libraries…. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: general cartoon-levels of violence, mention of a massacre, and other evils associated with fascist empires.
76 minutes | Dec 7, 2021
The House Among the Laurels from Carnacki, the Ghost Finder by William Hope Hodgson *Special Guests D & Ken from Antiques Freaks* - Episode 126
It's another episode of Terrible Antique Book Freaks! D & Ken from Antiques Freaks join us once again to read another Carnacki tale. We use Eye of Argon rules to read the entirety of The House of the Laurels. Have your Carnacki bingo cards at the ready! Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: animal death and sexual jokes
71 minutes | Nov 23, 2021
The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness by Cecil B. Hartley *Special Guest Ken from Antiques Freaks* - Episode 125
Ken from Antiques Freaks joins Chris for a very special Gentleman's Club episode! No girls are allowed as Chris & Ken probe the depths of The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness: Being a Complete Guide for a Gentleman's Conduct in all his Relations Towards Society by Cecil B. Hartley published in 1875. If you miss Paris, be sure to check out the Ladies Night episodes of Antiques Freaks where Paris replaces Ken: Antiques Freaks Episode 191 - Uranium Glass Antiques Freaks Episode 193 - Faberge Eggs Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: Victorian-era racism and sexism.
72 minutes | Nov 9, 2021
RALPH 124C 41+: A Romance of the Year 2660 by Hugo Gernsback *Patron's Choice* - Episode 124
For this week's Patron's Choice episode, we read RALPH 124C 41+: A Romance of the Year 2660 by Hugo Gernsback for our Patron Patricia. A guy in 1911 had a lot of cool technological ideas but unfortunately decided to publish them within a silly, pulpy hero's journey. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of kidnapping and mild violence.
85 minutes | Oct 26, 2021
The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by A.N. Roquelaure (a.k.a Anne Rice) - Episode 123
TBC listener Ann reached out to us on Twitter earlier this year about this series and we thought a dark take on a common fairytale might be good for this spooky time of year. So, on a dark, chilly eve, we stumbled into a castle full of Anne Rice's kinks. It, uh, did not go well. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: BDSM, enslavement, pedophilia/ephebophilia, rape, & sexual torture.
101 minutes | Oct 12, 2021
Power Mage by Hondo Jinx *Patron’s Choice* - Episode 122
Another Patron's Choice rears its head! We read Power Mage by Hondo Jinx at the request of our patron Austin for this week's episode. He implored us to, "exorcise this demon ... I just need someone, anyone, to explain the scene where someone titfucks a corona bottle and then eats it.” If you like your women without consent or agency, have we got an entire genre for you! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: guns, harems, sex, and violence.
105 minutes | Sep 28, 2021
Rush Revere & the Brave Pilgrims by Rush Limbaugh *Patron's Choice* - Episode 121
Just in time for fall in New England, our Patron Martin requested that we read Rush Revere & the Brave Pilgrims by Rush Limbaugh. Martin asks that you donate what you can to an LGBTQIA+ organization near you in memory of Rush Limbaugh’s lifelong campaign of hate. Alternatively, participate in mutual aid in your area! If you're not sure where to donate or what the heck mutual aid is, check out these links: Black AIDS Institute RAINN Adopt-A-Native-Elder National Bail Fund Network Atlanta Trans Housing Coalition What is Mutual Aid? Why it's Important & How to Get Involved Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussion of: genocide, misogyny, & racism
95 minutes | Sep 14, 2021
Last and First Idol by Gengen Kusano (Translated by Andrew Cunningham) *Patron's Choice* - Episode 120
For this week's Patron's Choice episode, we read Last and First Idol by Gengen Kusano for our anonymous patron. We have not been this baffled since Episode 50's The Eclipse of Darkness: Unveiling the Unseen World, which was also an anonymous recommendation. We now live in fear of the next anonymous recommendation we receive. Still, we thank you, unknown patron! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes discussions of: the afterlife, apocalyptic scenarios, body horror, death, genetic modifications, gore, violence, and a reading of a space-whale-ship sex scene (you read that correctly).
75 minutes | Aug 31, 2021
The Haunted Jarvee from Carnacki, the Ghost Finder by William Hope Hodgson *Special Guests D & Ken from Antiques Freaks* - Episode 119
It's another episode of Terrible Antique Book Freaks! D and Ken from Antiques Freaks board The Haunted Jarvee with us for an, uh, invigorating read at sea. We thought that we had completed all stories in the Carnacki the Ghost Finder collection, but alas - several more stories were found. We use Eye of Argon rules to read the entirety of The Haunted Jarvee complete with soundscapes by Chris. Have your Carnacki bingo cards at the ready! Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: death, drowning, sex, and vibrators.
91 minutes | Aug 17, 2021
Beach Read by Emily Henry - Episode 118
Come along with us to Terrible Book Beach! We took a look at the New York Times Bestsellers List earlier this summer and settled on Beach Read as both seasonally topical and likely to be terrible. We found some improvements over most romances we've read but no amount of realistic dialogue and safe sex could make us ignore the mountain of coincidences and the happily ever after ending. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of: alcoholism, infidelity, sex, and cults again somehow!
68 minutes | Aug 3, 2021
Hidden Sins by Selena Montgomery (a.k.a Stacey Abrams) - Episode 117
We read Hidden Sins this week because we figured that there’s gotta’ be a catch to Stacey Abrams. She can’t be perfect, right? Her political career is intense and noteworthy, but surely her romance novels are terrible! If you aren't familiar with Ms. Abrams, she is a former Georgia state house rep and current voting rights activist largely credited with registering black voters in Georgia to swing that state in the 2020 presidential election. Plus, we’ve read a lot of books by right-wing conservatives and were curious about authors on the other side of the political spectrum. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of: general action-movie levels of violence, child abuse, infidelity, religious cults, and brief sexuality.
92 minutes | Jul 20, 2021
Callirhoe by Chariton (Translated by Rosanna Omitowoju) *Special Guest Dr. Jeremy Swist* - Episode 116
Callirhoe is considered to be the earliest surviving written romance in Western history and it is said to have popularized a lot of the common tropes of the genre that now haunt us mercilessly. However, since neither of us know much about ancient Greek fiction, Dr. Jeremy Swist is here today as our Charon to guide us down this Stygian river of ancient romance! Dr. Swist is also known as the Metal Classicist. He studies classical reception in heavy metal music and teaches Latin and Greek along with Roman and Greek myths and history. He has taught most recently at Xavier University and the University of Texas at San Antonio and is soon to start a new position at Brandeis University in MA. If you’re interested in knowing more about Jeremy’s research and interviews, you can find him on Twitter as @MetalClassicist or over at his Heavy Metal Classicist Blog
45 minutes | Jul 6, 2021
Episode 115 - Tender Wings of Desire: A Colonel Sanders Novella by Catherine Kovach for KFC/Yum! Brands
It's 2017. Mother's Day is coming up. You need to sell more fried chicken than ever before. You are graced with sudden divine inspiration: "What if...what if I hire a ghost writer to create a novella where Colonel Sanders is the sexy love interest and sell it with the buckets of chicken!?" Unbelievably, this is indeed the world we live in - Yum! Brands really did this for KFC in 2017. Even more unfathomably, this ghost written corporate marketing scheme of a book was just about as satisfying as KFC's primary output.
75 minutes | Jun 22, 2021
Episode 114 - Leon & Chris by Alex Donahue
Author Alex Donahue asked us to read his children's book about two young boys living on Prince Edward Island during the tail end of the Great Depression and the beginning of World War II. Alex hoped we'd be surprised by his book and, well, we certainly were in some ways. Leon & Chris has a lovely cover and a solid core story that handles serious topics with a genuinely sweet, childlike tone. However, its potential is diminished by some tedious sections and mechanical writing errors. This could be a great book for young readers once it's refreshed with a serious edit. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion of: bullying, the Great Depression, orphans, starvation, and war.
110 minutes | Jun 8, 2021
Episode 113 - Midnight Sun (Twilight Saga: Book #5) by Stephanie Meyer
The inevitable has happened: we heeded the cries of friends and listeners and read a book from Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. Special thanks to Twitter user @laughterbynight for hooking us up with a copy! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode contains discussion of blood, injury, death, stalking/abusive relationships, and vampires.
96 minutes | May 25, 2021
Episode 112 - You're Going to Mars! by Rob Dircks *Patron's Choice*
Our Patron Lucek requested that we read You're Going to Mars! for an extra special birthday edition of a patron's choice episode. Happy birthday, Lucek! As for the book, well - it's a McDonald's chicken sandwich. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode discusses death, slavery, space, and stabbing. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book (or other written ephemera), head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier to fast-track your book of choice to an upcoming episode!
58 minutes | May 11, 2021
Episode 111 - Die Hamletmachine by Heiner Müller (Translated by Dennis Redmond) with Special Guest Mary Parker *Patron’s Choice*
Our Patron Miri requested that we read the legendary German post-modernist play, Die Hamletmachine and also watch a film adaptation of it. You can watch us react in real-time to the film version on our Patreon. Due to the depths of madness that this piece took us to and the fact that neither of us are thespians, we invited local Boston theater director, actor, and all-around hilarious and glorious human Mary Parker on the show today to guide us through Hamletmachine! You can hear day-time Mary on Eureka's Sounds of Science, the podcast she makes for her actual job. Conversely, you can opt to hear after-hours Mary on the Book #51: Against the Odds episode of Sweet Valley Diaries. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, today's episode makes mention of cancer, incest, misogyny, murder, sexual assault, and socialist Germany. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book (or other written ephemera), head over to our Patreon and select the $10/month tier to fast-track your book of choice to an upcoming episode!
122 minutes | Apr 27, 2021
Episode 110 - The 1776 Report by 24 People and Assorted Aides Appointed by the Trump Administration
We read The 1776 Report - you know, that weird American history summary that the Trump Administration released on MLK Jr. Day. What could possibly go wrong when 24 people have two months to cram hundreds of years of American history into 20 pages? Content Warnings: Our usual barnyard language, plus: political discussion & racism. It is impossible to discuss this report without also discussing politics and racism, so if you do not want to engage with these topics at the moment, please listen to this episode another time or never!
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