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Substitute for Wit
69 minutes | Oct 17, 2020
202: Dinner Parties as a Metaphor for True Love
This fortnight, we're talking about the second episode of Season Two and everything that comes along with it. For us, that means plugging our new TikTok account(which Susannah is not happy about) a billion times, mispronouncing some guy's name(he was Lieutenant Courtenay, as well as being featured in two separate movies with Rupert Grint, neither of which was Harry Potter), and continuously genuinely confusing Richard Carlisle with Rupert Murdoch. There's a very thorough deep dive on Toad of Toad Hall that Susannah did back in July, and Susannah accidentally maybe spoils something for Hazel, which leads to two back-to-back fill-for-times.
89 minutes | Oct 3, 2020
201: Holy Snickerdoodle!
It's Season Two! Susannah's obviously ecstatic, and Hazel's pretty excited too! We're kicking things off with a few long ramblings from Susannah wherein she talks about U2, her favorite Belgian girl's choir, and tells you if "hot buttered toast with a countess, tuppence a slice" would actually be profitable. Then we scream "MARTHEW" a few thousand times, hence that cold open. And, some current events throw more wrenches in the works than Cora's pregnancy last season. All this and more, on Substitute for Wit, hosted by Hazel, and Susannah, who's sounding like a television promo!
54 minutes | Sep 11, 2020
107: Adam Scott, Please Send Us an Email
We're closing out Season One with a bang, however brief. In this episode, you'll get to hear us: fangirl over both Adam Scott and Barack Obama; silently imitate Trump; and argue over who looked hot in that fight scene. We look up Italian names for various legumes, Susannah smiles uncontrollably just from thinking about Season Two, and Hazel answers her phone.
58 minutes | Aug 28, 2020
106: Marthew Forever
It's the penultimate episode of Season One and obviously, we're breaking down the bigger plot developments, like Mary and Matthew's kiss, Banna's almost happening, and Sybil's maybe-concussion. But we're also talking about less important things, like coats, nightgowns, and other things that aren't fashion-related! We also say our website's address a billion times (here's one for good measure: substitute4wit.com) and talk some more about Parks and Rec. And if you are a living, breathing, homo sapiens, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
56 minutes | Aug 14, 2020
105: Ship Names Framed in French Paste
The first season is reaching its high point(according to Susannah) and perhaps our humble podcast is as well. As the number of stories to keep track of climbs, we follow, with a not-so-deep deep dive, an excuse to spend all morning watching Netflix, and what is perhaps our record number of fashion notes.
79 minutes | Jul 31, 2020
104: Edith Eats Ethel
It's the fourth episode and we're talking about all the methods of fortune telling, Charles Manson(briefly), the Downton score, and stomach ventriloquism. Susannah's got a huge deep-dive on various fair activities, Hazel spills some water, and we're recording remotely! This means a lot of things, some good, like livable climates for us, and more reliable recording time, and some bad, like Susannah's sister talking about Harry Potter in the background. We dive into Taylor Swift's new album, Susannah fills for time by talking about Gordon Ramsey, and some other stuff happens, but you'll have to listen to the episode for that.
73 minutes | Jul 22, 2020
103: Turkish Diplomats Bring Nothing But Trouble
We talk/shout about the first really shocking plotline of Downton. Susannah introduces her new segment with an Ophelia/Daisy Ridley deep dive, and Hazel talks about her hair for a while. There's plenty of clips, but strangely enough, none of them are from Downton. We've got 30 Rock, a Downton novelty song, and even Sesame Street.A bit of backstory on that cold open:We spent a good two or three years of our lives maniacally obsessed with Hamilton. Hazel still loves a good song or two, while it's one of the few things from Susannah's youth that she doesn't feel nostalgic about. The point is, we are normally not the kind of people who scream Hamilton lyrics anymore. Well, Susannah isn't. But like most good things in life, this was spontaneous, and she couldn't help but join in, especially when Hazel started misremembering lyrics. (Ever noticed how many of Angelica's lines in Satisfied can be directly applied to Lady Mary? Think about it.)
57 minutes | Jul 14, 2020
102: (For Good or Ill)
It's Episode Two and we're breaking down every aspect of Matthew and Isobel's arrival, from the scowls to the crush faces, from the pericardial sacs to the Grizzly Bears. Susannah does a deep dive on Lloyd George, Hazel misunderstands a couple of things (Julian Fellowes is not fictional, Hazel), and, as we've done before and we'll definitely do again, we're deciding who we're shipping. Quick disclaimer: Plenty is said about various medical procedures, and we want to remind you NOT TO TRUST ANY OF IT. Hazel is making wild approximations, and Susannah is misremembering a Wikipedia article she scanned three months ago.
59 minutes | Jul 7, 2020
101: America Ruins Everything
We're off with the whistle of a train and our first official episode! What we like: Anna, Sybil, Daisy(sometimes), and Cora's embroidery. What we don't: O'Brien, Thomas, and the Duke. What we can't agree on: Cora's nightgowns. In non-Downton news, Susannah's flipping between ranting about The Office and gushing about The Office, we made that "Hazel's Stupid Moments" jingle, and seltzers abound. Hope you enjoy!
40 minutes | Jun 25, 2020
0.0: Welcome to Substitute for Wit!
We're kicking off our podcast journey with an intro, both to ourselves and Downton Abbey. Susannah gives a long but thought-out premise of the show that Hazel may or may not have been listening to, and Hazel makes some slightly underwhelming predictions. Susannah gets a space to vent about everything she went through creating the podcast; Hazel struggles to introduce herself. But she persists! We make an obscene amount of Parks and Rec shout-outs, and there's a short but spirited shouting match over Harry Potter. Subscribe to Susannah's Downton newsletter here.*DISCLAIMER*This is our complete and total first time doing anything even remotely like this. Hazel's audio quality is slightly subpar, and for like half the episode there's a very loud grinding sound in the background. That's because we're recording outside due to the pandemic, and of course our neighbors chose that time to mow their lawn. So it's a bit headache-inducing, but hopefully we're worth it. And maybe someday we'll have enough money for a second good mic.
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