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Another flipping distress call brings the Enterprise D to the charming and scenic Galorndon Core. While electromagnetic storms rage, Riker, Worf, and Geordi beam down to the site of the call and discover the wreckage of a Romulan ship. Worf then stumbles across an injured Romulan survivor while Geordi stumbles down a whacking huge hole! Riker and Worf are forced to beam back up with the Romulan leaving Geordi to fend for himself on the hostile planet. Then guess what happens! The Enterprise intercepts a Romulan transmission and discovers a Warbird on its way to violate the Neutral Zone to answer the very same distress call, beginning a tense standoff between Picard and his new best enemy, Romulan Commander Tomalak. While shit’s about to get real back up in space, Geordi discovers he’s not alone on the planet after all. Can Picard rescue Geordi while avoiding galactic war? Can anyone convince Worf to donate blood to a dying Romulan? Will Geordi enjoy having a new friend that isn’t some creepy ass hologram? 

The Enterprise crew is exploring an uninhabited planet when ship archeologist Marla Aster is killed by an explosive device, leaving behind her son, Jeremy. As head of the away team, Worf feels responsible for the boy and wishes to bond with him (hence the title of the episode) while the rest of the crew is in their feelings over the whole thing. The emotional stew bubbles over when Marla suddenly appears alive and well and wanting to take Jeremy down to the planet to live. It’s a galaxy class custody battle as Picard and the gang try to keep Jeremy safe and warm aboard the Enterprise. Will they be able to shoo this galactic Karen off their lawn? Will Wesley and Jean-Luc share a hug? Will Worf end up with an adopted son leading to a spinoff where they run a junkyard in space? Let’s find out . . . together!

So the Enterprise stumbles on to what remains of an ancient battle in space, and Picard gets all giddy when they find an old starship from the battle still intact. He beams over with Worf and Data, and they find out the ship was incapacitated by a booby trap that drained its energy and killed all the crew. Good thing that can’t happen to the Enterprise, right? RIGHT?! Of course it does, and before you know it, the Enterprise crew is in grave danger. Geordi is tasked with escaping the snare, and decides that the best way to find a solution is in the Holodeck with a recreation of Dr. Leah Brahms, one of the original architects of the Enterprise’s warp engine. Can Geordi and his new holo-crush find a way to save the ship in time? Will Picard find any members for his new Ships in Bottles Club? Will anyone remember that there are other crew members on board who can help Geordi, like say, the Mozart of space, time and propulsion? Find out in this exciting episode of ST:TNGeez!

The Enterprise is headed to Mintaka III to deliver supplies and repair a failing, faulty reactor belonging to a bunch of Federation scientists who have been studying the natives. Seems harmless enough until the reactor starts going cattywampus just before it goes kablooey, blowing up their hidden observation post. Wouldn’t ya know it? A couple of Mintakians just happen to be passing by and see the newly visible “duck blind” just as the Away Team is fixing stuff and people. One of the Mintakians, Liko, ends up seriously injured, and Bev tosses the Prime Directive out the door to beam him up for medical aid. “Wipe his memory,” says a peeved Picard, but when they beam Liko’s ass back home, he still remembers his trip to the Enterprise and believes Picard is  . . . a god! The next thing you know, Troi and Riker are doing some Mintakian cosplay to try and recover a lost scientist, and Picard has to convince the Mintakian’s leader he’s just a cranky old man in a ship. Oh the hijinks! Will Riker and Troi be able to save the missing scientist? Will Troi end up sacrificed to appease a cranky Picard? Will someone please give Liko a haircut? 

Our Enterprise D gets a distress call from Delta Rana IV and when they get there, they find the planet wiped clean of its inhabitants save one small swatch of land and house where the last two inhabitants of the planet have survived. Before Picard and crew can say “what the fuck is going on?” Counselor Troi is stricken with a musical melody that she just can’t get out of her head. An away team goes planet-side to assess the last patch of Delta Rana and find Kevin and Rishon Uxbridge just trying to live, man! The Uxbridges  give our crew the run around while the mental assault on Troi threatens to destroy her mind. Just as all of this is happening, a big ass enemy ship (maybe the one that annihilated the planet) rolls up on the Enterprise. Holy Hannah, shit is actually happening! Galaxy-class drama is happening right in front of our weary eyes!

Somebody is always commanding when it comes to Starfleet, despite what the Great Bird thought, and of course it’s Picard, no, wait – it’s Number One! No, no, actually, it’s Data! There’s so much God-damned commanding! The Enterprise rolls up on a planet colonized by Earthies but wrongly so and their task is to remove these colonizers before the rightful heir of the planet (the Sheliak) show up to put down roots. For some reason Data alone is sent down to tell the inhabitants of Tao Signa Five that their asses are going to be rescued only to find that Signa Five inhabitants don’t care about their asses that much. Meanwhile, up-top, Picard and company decide to head off the Sheliak and negotiate more time for evacuation. Picard has to Picard and God-bless-it he uses his councilor to council! Numbah One shouts orders at the robot they sent to negotiate the evac and Data has to posit-ronally figure out how to evacuate a planet of reluctant colonists all on his own – well, save for the help of his new flirty friend Marjory. Will Picard be able to stave off the impending doom of the colonists? Will Data be able to wake up after his ass gets zapped? Will Diana Troi finally get to shine? (Spoilers – this Empath shines!). 

It’s season three of a show where a bunch of people are flying around the galaxy doing shit, like watching a dying star collapse! That’s right, another dying star! Season three starts as everyone’s favorite, a Wesley episode. A Wesley episode? At least the season doesn’t start with someone getting impregnated by a wayward entity! Dr. Paul Stubbs is onboard to witness the stellar explosion when the Enterprise begins to go wickity wack for an unknown reason. Just as the head-scratching begins, a young acting ensign realizes it just might be his experiment that’s sent the Enterprise into a potential solar death-spiral. Uh-oh, Crusher has released some “Nanites'' that may be fudging around with his favorite Galaxy-Class vessel! Luckily his mom’s back on board to become a potential victim! (I mean couldn’t he have done these experiments when Pulaski was still on board instead of our beautiful Bev?) Will Picard and crew be able to out-evolve the micro-bots that Wesley Crusher has let loose? Wait, what? Is that the premise of this episode? Will prickly Dr. Stubbs, a character we have zero investment in, be able to see his life’s work fulfilled? And how many times WILL Guinan compare Crusher to Dr. Frankenstein?

The Borg are invading the Federation, and when their initial assault fails, they travel back to the past to sabotage Earth’s first warp drive flight in hopes of preventing . . . First Contact! Yes, First Contact, when humanity came face to face with beings from another world. The Enterprise crew pursues the Borg to thwart their thwarting, and end up with a ship full of pesky cyborgs! While Riker, Geordi, and Troi work feverishly to make sure Zefram Cochrane makes his historic warp flight, Picard, Data, Crusher, and Worf battle the Borg!  Remember when Star Trek, the franchise, made good movies? It’s fuzzy, right? There were a couple gems in the mix of Star Trek franchise films… and luckily… this is one! It’s First Contact, and it’s our Next Gen crew versus the Borg! Listen as we lovingly revisit First Contact as part of our bonus re-watch. It's our Season Two-ender gift to you!

The Enterprise D and crew are back for all of season two, starting with entity impregnation and ending with brain infestation. Picard, Riker, Troi, Data, Geordi, Worf, Guinan, Wesley Crusher and new Doctor, Kate Pulaski are boldly exploring strange new worlds, which mostly exist on the Holodeck, they’re meeting new life, like the shape shifting Salia in the Dauphine, or Mick Fleetwood as a giant fish in Manhunt. They’re encountering new civilizations alright — have you seen where the Borg keep their babies? In a drawer! The season two crew is boldly going where no one has gone before — did you see the one where Riker fights his dad in the ultimate martial art — Ambo Jitsu? All this and Rogues, Imps, Piscapos, sleepy doppelgängers, Comic Cons, Klingon love-making, Ensign Gomez, Terry Hatcher, and sandwiches!

We’ve seen the second in command of the U.S.S. Enterprise get zapped for the last two seasons, and in this episode Riker gets zapped into unconsciousness by a plant. Talk about Zap ass! Believe it or not, the season ender of the second season of a fairly successful show decides to end the season with a god damn clip show! A clip show like on the Brady Bunch, or Three’s Company, or MASH, or name your 1970’s show that didn’t do this. Riker is asleep and fighting against a poison that threatens his life. Poor Riker is forced to relieve some pretty exciting sequences from mainly the first season, and even poorer Troi has to stand over him and fret. Will Will Riker lay on a table all episode? Will Diana Troi stand around and not do much in the season finale? Will Dr.Pulaski be able to cure Riker before the stage door hits her on her way out?

“Shall we play a game?” (Said in computer voice, please). Concerned about crew readiness since their run in with the Borg, as he should be, Picard arranges for a training exercise that pits him and the Enterprise against Riker at the helm of a rickety old starship, The Hathaway. Riker and a crew of 40 including Geordi, Worf, and Crusher, are overmatched, but are determined to give the Enterprise a run for its quatloos. Sounds like fun, except the whole thing is overseen by a Starfleet observer, the persnickety Kolrami, an arrogant master of strategy whose haughtiness gives Pulaski the red ass to the point that she manipulates Data into challenging the Zakdorn into a game of Strategema. Data enters a shame spiral when Kolrami easily defeats him and hides in his quarters doing endless diagnostics while their appointment with Riker and The Hathaway looms. Can Picard shake Data out of his digital navel gazing? Can Riker and crew defeat the vastly superior Enterprise with Jean Luc in command? And what the Hell are the Ferengi doing here? 

Starfleet orders the Enterprise to meet up with an emissary who will give them a vital mission, and before you know it, they have a class-8 probe aboard filled with a half-human, half-Klingon named K’Ehleyr. She informs the crew that they need to intercept a ship full of sleeping Klingons from Star Trek the Motion Picture era, who think they’re still at war with the Federation and stop them from blowing up a starbase or two. That seems simple enough except K’Ehleyr has history with Worf! Never one to miss an awkward opportunity, Picard assigns K’Ehleyr and Worf to work together, and the romantic tension ramps up from simmer to full boil. Will the Empath state the obvious about K’Ehleyr’s feelings? Will Worf get over his Klingon rigidness and open his heart and soar? Will.. And where the hell is Will Wheaton after all? He’s nowhere in the episode!

Special visitors arrive on the Enterprise! We get two hibernating fish delegates, Mr. Homm, and his boss, a very sexed-up Betazoidian ambassador — Dame Majel Barrett. That’s right, Diana Troi’s mom: Lwaxana Troi is back, and boy is she horny! Lwaxana sets her eyes on Picard as a mate forcing Jean Luc to space-skedaddle into the Holodeck. On Holodeck, Picard gets to play Dixon Hill again as Lwaxana hunts for her next man: Number One! All this and fish assassins played by a member of Fleetwood Mac. What a nutty Galaxy Class spaceship, I mean, seriously.

Starfleet tasks the Enterprise to respond to a distress signal from a forgotten Earth colony endangered by those darn solar flares. Picard and company have no choice but to beam the colony aboard to relocate them, and lo and behold, the colony is filled to the barrelhead with Irish stereotypes and farm animals. When the leader of the Bringlodi, Daniel Odell, asks about their fellow colony, the Enterprise discovers Mariposa, a colony populated with clones! Mariposa teeters on the brink of extinction as their limited genetic stock has reached a dead end, but when they ask the Enterprise crew if they are feeling generous enough to donate some of their own "life-giving" DNA, Riker and company swiftly refuse. So we have a ship filled with the Irish cast of a Green Acres remake, a planet full of sterile, fading clones, and Riker making first contact the hard way. All this and Worf makes tea on this exciting episode of ST:TNGeez!

Picard and Wes are both due at Starbase 515; Wes for more Starfleet exams, and the captain for a medical procedure he’s too proud to have done on the Enterprise D, a replacement of his artificial heart. Wait, Picard has an artificial heart? While he and Wes shuttle across the galaxy to their various appointments, Riker and company answer a mayday from a disabled ship crewed by a race who appear to be offensive stereotypes of people with intellectual disabilities. After a brief exchange with the aliens, Riker assumes they are harmless and decides to send Geordi over to help repair their systems. Naturtally, they hold him hostage in an attempt to extort more tech upgrades from him and the Enterprise. Meanwhile on Starbase 515, Picard’s routine surgery goes kattywompus and his only hope is Pulaksi who is lightyears away on the Enterprise. Will Wes pass his exams? Will Geordi get back safely to the Enterprise? Will Riker get that promotion to captain he was ducking two episodes back?

The Enterprise is tooling along when new ensign Sonya Gomez spills cocoa on Jean-Luc, and to add insult to second degree injury, Q kidnaps Jean-Luc in an attempt to get the captain to let Q join the Enterprise crew because, according to Q, they need him. Q returns Jean-Luc to the Enterprise and is surprised to discover Guinan Goldberg aboard. It appears these two have history, but we’ll have to save that for another time because to prove his point, Q snaps the Enterprise 7,000 light years deeper into the universe. Picard and company decide to go with the flow and look around a bit when they make first contact with . . . The Borg! Holy shit, man! It’s the G.D. Borg! I am losing my mind right now! What’s going to happen? How can the Enterprise survive the face of future assimilation? I mean there’s Gomez and other stuff going on and all, but damn! The Borg!

So the Enterprise is checking out some volatile planets, and Riker thinks it would be a good opportunity for Wesley to learn how to run a team, so they put him in charge of rock surveys. Wes gets all sweaty overthinking the job and how to deal with commanding people older than he. As all this is going on, Data single-handedly decides the Prime Directive is for suckers, and answers a call from a little girl on Drema 4, a planet on the verge of exploding. Picard pops a vein as Data’s actions create all kinds of conflicts for him to navigate when Data wants to help his new friend survive. Will Wes be able to lead his team without pooping his too tight pants? Will Data get to save his little friend? Will Picard ever be able to take a minute to ride his horse or read a book? 

Will Riker is leaving the Enterprise? He’s going to be captain of his own ship and go on a dangerous mission far, far away? Dang, didn’t see that coming. Wait, the father he hasn’t seen for 15 years is coming aboard to brief him on the mission? And Riker’s dad and Pulaski were lovers? No way! Did you hear Worf is acting cranky and anti-social? Well he is. All this and a maintenance crew from Starbase Montgomery is pouring over engineering in search of a possible flaw! What a mess! I sure hope Picard has had his tea because this episode is a dog’s breakfast!

While on their merry way to some place called Endicor, the Enterprise encounters a Starfleet shuttlecraft floating dead in space. They tractor beam it onboard only to discover it’s one of their own shuttles, the El Baz! But wait, the El Baz never left! There’s two of them! How weird can this get? Well, strap in because inside the second shuttle is a whole other Jean-Luc Picard! How is that possible? The second JLP isn’t talking because he’s comatose and unresponsive to treatment. After some investigation, the crew discovers this Jean-Luc is from the future, six hours in the future to be exact, and garbled log entries show that he fled his Enterprise just before it was destroyed by yet another entity. Our Enterprise crew is on edge as they seem to be hurtling towards their doom! What led the other Jean-Luc to flee his Enterprise? What decisions did the doomed crew make that done doomed them, and how can our Enterprise escape?!?

The Enterprise is on its way to somewhere when they get a message from a Klingon vessel about some space shrapnel and on closer investigation they find out the shrap is from NASA! Holy 20th Century Captain! How did this Earth debris get all the way onto this side of the Galaxy? Picard sends an Away Team of some of our most essential cast members down to investigate a mysterious structure on the planet below. Riker, Data, and Worf materialize into a bubble pocket of oxygen-rich existence that is somehow thriving on the otherwise deadly gaseous planet. Once there, our away team finds an antique door that leads Rikes and company into a 1980’s casino, “The Royale,” which they can’t escape. The away team soon discovers that they are trapped in a construct built from the template of a bad novel. With help from Picard up top, and a Howard Hughes-esque mummy below, our crew devise a plot to gamble their way out of the artificial world of The Royale. Will Riker outthink the literary cage they are trapped in? Will Diana use her on and off again empathic powers to read her Imzadi’s mood? Will Data count enough cards to beat the house?