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James is tormented by his wife leaving a bag of ashes by the bathroom garbage. She can't get rid of it because she doesn't know who it is. Also, people with books in their bathrooms don't make any sense to James. And headlines involving semen sniffing dogs and disputes over urine.  Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Oh, so you thought you'd listen to a podcast. Well, good for you. Aren't you special, you stupid fuck. God, you're stupid. You could be doing anything thing right now, but you're listening to a podcast. What makes you so special that you think that you could listen to a podcast and not do other important things in life? Like livid? No, you're listening to a you might as well be on TikTok or something. But you're listening to a podcast, which is more in depth than intellectual, isn't it? In my bathroom, friends. In my bathroom, my upstairs bathroom, my main bathroom, my shedding bathroom. The bathroom with my beloved bidet. There is a garbage can, a large white plastic bin, rectangular, narrow wedge between the door and the wall. And a little space there that's good for putting trash. It's got a bag in it and that's what I look at when I shit. Now, I'm not one of these people who doesn't know when to go into the shit. I know when my body is ready. I don't go in there and read a fucking book, okay? I don't understand people who do that. It makes no sense to me. I go to washrooms and I see books and I think, what the fuck are you doing? How much of your life are you spending trying to get out of shit? I mean, are you constipated? If you're constipated, do something about it. Increase your fiber, increase your water intake, but don't read a fucking book on the shitter with your pants on the floor and your deck hanging out. I don't understand people like that. And there's a lot of people like that. A lot of bathrooms you go to, people that have books in them. Makes no sense to me. Why? How? I think the bigger question is how can you sit there like an idiot reading a book, hoping that the shit will just fucking come? What's wrong with you? I never go in unless my body is ready. My bowels will start moving and I think, damn it. Yes. Now I'm old, I'm mid fifty, s, and I'm very blessed with good bowels. My bowels. I've had several colonoscopies come up clean so far. Knock on wood, knock on stool. But I worry that one day I won't be so lucky. But right now I am, and I always have been. I know when my balls are ready. I get up in the morning and as soon as I wake up, my barrels wake up and they say, hey, James is up. Let's get going. I go to the bathroom, it comes out, I spray it for ten minutes, give myself a bit of an enemy if I need to. With the bidet, it comes right back to you. Why not clean the inside? It's cleaning the outside. You might as well give yourself an enema and just get everything squeaky clean. There's a problem there, though. If you forget about it. You forget that it gave you an enema, and you go about your day. Then you have diarrhea. That's an issue. It's a risk you take by going too far with your bidet. And I know I check out my bidet episode. I give you full tutorial on how to use a bidet. And it is in depth and very real, so don't be eating anything when you listen to it. But anyway, I go to the bathroom there, so I'm not spending a lot of time, but I spent enough time there enjoying the bidet spray, which is warm. And I noticed there's this bag on the floor. I don't know, it's like a cellophane, like a bag you would have in the supermarket to put a few bananas in or something or some salary. This clear little bag on the floor wrapped up, and there's ashes in it. It seems to be ashes. It is ashes. Because I asked my wife, I said, what is it that's ashes? And I said, who's ashes? And she says, I don't know. So we have this bag of ashes that my wife can't throw out. So she's placed on the bathroom floor by the garbage, but not in the garbage because she doesn't know whose ashes they are. Now, there's not that many options, okay? She's had her parents die. Does she remember saving the ashes for her parents? No, they were scattered. Does she save a little extra for something else? Who knows? We had a cat cremated once. Yes, you could do that. And we buried the cat by the tree. I don't remember saving any ashes for its favorite hunting ground or anything like that. So whose ashes are they? Where else would you get ashes from that you would keep? You know, no one collects ashes in a little plastic bag that's unmarked. So every morning I'm shitting, and I have to stare at that bag wondering, who is that who's shitting here with me? Who's here in the toilet? Is it a grandfather of my children? A grandmother? Is it a cat? Is it just ashes from somebody else that just showed up at our front door? Who is this person? And how more of it is this? I wanted a shit in peace. And furthermore, pleasure. Peace and pleasure on the toilet. Yes, when things go well, and I don't mean to brag, because I know that everybody can shit, okay? Some people fuckers. You're so simple, you don't know how to shit. That's fine. You just got to train your body. Now, I lead a life of not excessive work, and I'm around a lot, and I have freedom to shit when I need to. So I've trained my body. There's one thing that I tell my young friends, always get enough sleep and train your body to shit on time. This is a problem. If you work night shifts and different shifts, I can't even imagine your problems for those people to do that. But if you are a person whose body just says, hey, James is awake, let's get things going. And you can feel it. You sit down, it comes out, you flush, you spray, you look at the bag on the floor wondering, whose uncle is that? Who am I looking at? Can you look at the ashes and tell who it is? Can you just get a sense of who it is? And where do you spread them? She's not going to throw them in the garbage. That's the issue. She's not going to throw the ashes out. Do they need to be thrown out? Yes, I would just throw them out into the landfill with everything else. I mean, I've left enough of myself in the landfill, right? And the sewer system. More of the sewer system than the landfill. But look, if you blow your nose, part of you goes to the landfill and eventually turns into ashes. Your snot will eventually turn into dust, okay? And it will grow a plant at the landfill. The garbage dump right beside a washing machine. A little blade of grass will come up from your snot rag because you blew your nose once. So it's not a big deal. At the very least, I would take it out to the nearest gopher hole, which we live by a field adjacent to a field. So I would just take it out there and dump it in the gopher hole, which isn't far away. They like to come close, just dump it in there and let the gophers deal with it. Just get rid of it. If there's more of it, it's the gross and it's I don't want to be shitting. This could throw off my whole shit schedule. Something disruptive and upsetting like this. There are so many people. It could be so many animals, so many things. But it's ashes. What else could it be? It's not like if you collect ashes from, like, a science fair or I don't know if anyone is missing any ashes. I could put an ad in the newspaper, missing ashes. Are you missing a relative? It could be yours. I bet I get a lot of calls. It's not a lot. I mean, it's an ounce. It's a few grams. Maybe it's a pot that I forgot about and turned into ash. No, I don't smoke pot. I'd never do something like that. I don't know. Of course. The toilet is right there. Do you flush it down the toilet? Is it disrespectful? Is it disrespectful? Okay, if I'm dead and you find a bag of my ashes, I don't care if it's a tiny bag like this one or a fullfledged Hefty bag full of James, feel free to flush it down the fucking toilet. It just makes no difference to me whatsoever. You're not really spreading me in anywhere significant. Okay, my treat. I planted my cat on her. Didn't do any better because the cat was there. And it has no personality. It is never meows. It never does anything that resembles my cat in any way. And my cat's gone. I wish it wasn't, but it is. Relatives are gone. I wish they weren't, but they are. So flush my fucking bag down the toilet. As long as it doesn't clog. Okay? I wouldn't want you to hurt something or just we live in a very windy place here. Just be downwind from it. Just let it rip. Let it blow. I'll be spread everywhere then. But don't wonder what you should do with me if I'm dead, okay? Nobody cares. You don't care. I don't care. Most of all the people who are dead don't care. It's not only because I can't care, it's because I wouldn't care. It's the living who have all this guilt and bullshit and stuff. And let's open up Facebook message here because did I see a message from that fucker in Germany again? Sent me another message. There it is. Christian in Germany. No. You hate that. I know. James, get off your ass. Record another sneeze. I thought we had an unwritten rule now that every time I send you a message you get in front of the microphone and record. I guess I was wrong. I thought you weren't going to send me any more fucking messages. Christian Clemq of Deutsche Land, is it? Deutschland, where are you? I don't care. Don't send me another fucking message telling me they record another podcast. Don't do it. When I'm good and ready. Anyone else can send me a message though@speakfipe.com. Sneezhow. No sneeze. Speakfight.com. Sneeze. That is your online voicemail center. Okay? That's where I live. Now let's do what we do, OK? On this podcast. I don't really have anything to talk about. I could talk about shaving my balls. I'm not going to though, okay. Because I don't think you should shave your balls. It seems very scary to me to take a razor blade over your balls with sh

News story on Bible camp leader performing an excorcism makes me think I heard this story before at a script table read. Dude in Colorado thinks he's healthy by drinking and even soaking his own eyeballs in his urine. Transcript:  Announcer: SNEEZE! With James Whittingham. james: Just had a few sour cream and onion Pringles. They were hidden in the couch by my partner who didn't want me to eat any because she knows that will eat them all till I die. I don't love them that much, but really, it's the flavor, it's the mouthfeel, it's the coming back for the extra goo. And it makes me thirsty. I want to be thirsty. So I had a few to me. So I hydrate better, right? That's why I did it. I wasn't hungry, really. I mean, it was arguably hungry. Little bit. Christian Clemq sent me another fucking message. This is the guy. This is the bastard who sent me a message last week. Now he sends me another one. And I have not listened to it yet, so let's listen to it together. I hope it's good. Sir Weddingham. dude. You didn't have to include my message. But okay, well, you did. Why do you keep sending them to me? Like, hearing themselves? This is what you sound like. I don't and I just got back from the club friday and Saturday I work at the club. Was I shocked? I was like, oh, new sneeze. Fuck, it's me. Yeah, you said, this is what happens. For the recognition. And thank you for recording something. I do enjoy your podcast always, and please do it weekly. Just don't blame me. Okay. All right. That's pretty good. Did you fake that? I can't fake a sneeze like that. Did you sneeze on command? That's impressive. Yeah, so sorry about that. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to play it last week or this week. That's why I didn't listen to it. See, you send me a message, you get on my fucking podcast. I don't care. You cross the street, you might get hit by a car. You send me a message. You might be on my podcast. This is an old lesson that goes back dozens of years, well, to the beginning of podcasting, which I started back in 2003. A lot of people said Adam Curry started it. No. And The Godfather podcasting I started. It also started Facebook and a number of other things. Yeah. Lawsuits are still pending. So thank you, Christian, for getting me to broadcast. This is the first time that I've broadcasted two weeks in a row. A good thing there. So I was saying last week, I think I thought, why didn't mention this week, my wife partnership stepped in to help her sister, whose partner did not help her, and took her to the hospital when she needed medical care. And she had to spend her whole day and night doing this. And she was stressed out and there were problems. She lost her phone. It slipped out of her pocket. Slipped out of her short pocket. And immediately she knew it was lost. And I went and I tracked it right away. And it was at a homeless shelter, basically. I went to the homeless shelter and the battery in my laptop died and I couldn't track it anymore. There was long stories trying to get into her account to track it from her phone and we lost it. So she put up a this is a month ago, she put up a sign in the homeless shelter because she was talking to the homeless shelter people and outside the homeless shelter because she wanted her damn $800 phone back and we don't have the money to replace it. So nothing happens in a month. And two nights ago the phone rings at 140 in the morning. And I've only listened to it at 140 in the morning, so I've not listened to it since then. I don't expect to be surprised by this. I'm going to play it for you because I have a message here. Where would I find the message? I think in my yes, you received a voicemail message at 01:42 a.m. It's 23 seconds long. Let's listen to it together. Hey, bro, I see you lost your Samsung. But if it was an Apple, well, it could still be lost because they can hack apples now. What a fucking loss. An Apple hack. I better get my new shit cost. What the fuck was that? It made more sense to be at 130 in the morning than it did now. What the hell? What the hell is wrong with people? Apples can be hacked. Fuck him. You know, fuck. I don't care if you're homeless or not. You can't do anything with that fucking phone. What are you going to do? Sell it for the chip in it or what? I mean, you can't sell a fucking phone for anything. Nothing. Not even a taste of meth. What are you taking someone's phone for? Fuck. You guys bicycling back and forth. I saw them too. As I was sitting outside the the homeless shelter. I saw the motherfucker running away on his bike. Yeah, I'd like to punch him in the face, but I'm sure a thousand other people punched him in the face. I'd like to to punch a homeless person in the face. Do you know how much grief my wife goes through these days? You know how shitty her old phone is? She has to carry an auxiliary charger around with her. It's pathetic. She refuses to buy another phone because she's putting herself through this guilt thing of losing it in the first place. So she's not going to she shouldn't have lost it. Fuck him. And it was locked. It was locked and it was shut down. And apparently the Samsung, they shut them down and the telephone company and they can't be used again. Turning to the news, I have to turn somewhere. So this is weird. I got a friend named Lordine. He's a film director and did Wolf Cop and the sequel to Wolf Cop. Another wolf cop. That's what it's called. And other things as well. He's continuing to struggle to make films. And hello, if you're listening and hello to your lovely partner who goes by the name of Dee because she doesn't like to be mentioned in public. So hello, D. It's weird to hear your name, isn't it? I'm always going to table readings over the decades with Lowell, and I feel like something in the news, I had already read at a table read one of his scripts because he's a genre filmmaker for the most part. Here where I live in Saskatchewan, Canada. We have a very embarrassing situation here. The headline reads, we all believed he was possessed. Says Boy, who witnessed exorcism as Saskatchewan Bible Camp. So that's in the national international headlines because there was a forced exorcism by the Bible camp. What do you think happens at Bible camps? They go canoeing and then talk. Jesus. No, it's exorcisms. It's pain. It's sodomy these are what's going on in Bible camps. So many places. You drive along the road near a resort and it's like this Bible camp this way. Where are these fucking Bible camps coming from? And when did they get this free prime property to have these Bible camps? Did God give it to them? No, the church had sway 100 years ago, and they got all these stupid Bible camps, and now they're conducting exorcisms at them. This guy, this camp leader, had been fired from other camp duties, apparently. He said the demons had infiltrated the camp. It doesn't infiltrate non Bible camps, which is kind of funny. It just infiltrates actual Bible camps. So, yeah, it was real. We believed he was possessed by multiple demons, not just one. Fuck. I've been possessed by a demon, but not multiple demons. Come on. And they said it was a spiritual hotspot. This Bible can fuck. This is such a good movie. The thing is now, if my friend makes the movie that he wanted to make, it's going to be like somebody's going to sue them saying, you stole our idea. Well, I can vouch for you now, and I'm willing to go to court, put my hand on a Bible, demons and all, and say that my friend Lol had this idea before this actually happened. At least a version of this idea. The problem is you have to have child actors. Child actors in a small budget film. You have to have a Gazillion dollars. You have to have Tom Cruise money before you can afford child actors because they only work so many hours and they get good ones. You have to search far and wide around the world to find them. So it's an expensive proposition. Yeah, that's traumatic. And these poor kids were abused without actually, they're not going to press charges, though, because why do that? So the man who did exorcism calls himself an apostle, the 13th apostle. He has business cards. The guy gives out business cards saying he does exorcisms. You imagine you might have a clown at a party. That's a kid's party. But say you have a bachelor party in the old days, you'd get a stripper, right? Which is not politically correct anymore, never was, but it's not now. Why not get an extra system and he can come and decide who's got the demons in them. And it's the guy who wanted to have the strippers. Of course, you could just do that and go ahead with a full that would be fun. I'm disappointed this guy is going to be shunned by society now because that would be useful. Pardon me for a minute. I have to dust something. I refuse to wait any longer before I dust this, because I'm looking at it now. Usually my other podcast happens in the dark because there's video. There's no video for this. And now the light is shining on things and it's fucking dusty. My microphone stand is dusty. My mixer is dust. Look at all that dust. You can't it's an audio podcast. But if you were here, you would see dust and you would maybe oh, that's a lot of dust. Maybe Sneeze, maybe like Christian back from the club. By the way, you send me another message. It's going on the fucking podcast. Do you hear me in Germany? Do you hear me, boy? It's going on the podcast. Don't send me a message. Can't you type? Did you lose your fingers in the war? The great masterpiece and exorcism incident where they've chopped off by the Bible camp to get rid of the urge to bastard. David Spade, apparently is a former SNL comedian and he's disappointed SNL now. He says SNL died when what's her name is Hillary Clinton singing Hallelujah. After Trump won, it seemed to work. It was a tough time. Of course, anything would have worked for me. I was just, you know, sick. Sick like hell. All my Trump fans are deleting my podcast now. That's okay. I don't want to get political, but fuck you. Political as I got. Fuck you, Trump fans. Fuck you. Fuck your mother. Fuck your mother's dog. Fuck your mother's dead dog. Fuck your rat. Fuck the rat under your mobile

Liz Cheney sees through me. She knows every bad thing I've done.  Christian Klenow sends voice feedback encouraging James to get back behind the microphone. My links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow Other podcast: @cleanenergypod Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Voicemail: Hi, James. I was just corresponding with Dave Brodbeck, your friend who introduced me to you, and we had a podcaster meeting here in Hamburg. That's where where I am. I was in La for 32 years, but I'm now in Hamburg. Dude. Oh, man, I miss your show. When is the next Sneeze, please? Sneeze for us. Don't insert pepper into your nostrils, but just record something, please. not just a fan, I'm also one of the first German speaking podcasters. And again, you're amazing. I miss your talent. with James Whittingham. Why are you making me do this? I hate it. I hate it. I can't I like podcasting. Once you get started, you know, it's not so bad. It's been a while since I podcasted. I apologize for that. I've already hurt my throat. And today I've got not a bottle of water, but a bottle of water with a pump on top. A giant four liter, one gallon bottle of water purchased from the good people at Walmart. And instead of a little bottle of water, it's a big bottle of water. And it's got a pump. It cost me $18 on Amazon. It's pumping into a little Dixie cuff they use in the bathroom. You know what? It's one of those situations where it filled more than up. That it's just whatever the physics is that keeps it in there, that it's bulging over the top, but it's not going to be very carefully. It's got a lithiumion battery and it's been pumping fall, summer. Let me get some more. but I don't know. It's a pump. It's a water pump. Third World countries have these things in wells. Well, I've got wine in a bottle because I'm not a third World country. I've got my own bottle of water, which came from God knows where. I assume a mountain stream. Let's see. It says natural spring water. So gurgled out of the ground into a lake, and then the lake was sent to a municipal water system and they put a charcoal filter on it. That's probably what it is. I mean, all water is spring water. You could say all water is urine, right? I mean, every bit of water we've drank was pissed by something at one point in history. A dinosaur, a monkey, a fish. The fish piss. Seems like they wouldn't even notice. Why would they notice if a fish pissed? The guy behind you is like, oh, shit, Harry's pissing. And I'm swimming right into that. And my gills, which I use for oxygen, are picking up that piss. That's a pisser for them. But yeah, I mean, these bottled water shit, you can say anything about them. It should say natural piss. Not natural spring water. Natural piss water. Because everything has been pissed. You know, that everything. Listen, I don't know why I haven't done a podcast. Hell, I'm thinking about doing a podcast every damn day. Every day. Think about that. Could the three people listening to the show take it if I put out a podcast every day? Yes, they could for a while. Then they get sick of me. I have thoughts every day on things. Sometimes it's the news, sometimes it's my digestive system. Sometimes it's my urinary tract. Today I'm pissing a lot. So pissing came up. Yeah, it might. Piss is darker than I hoped it would be. It used to have a very light piss. It's turned darker. I don't think I'm drinking enough water, which is why I bought this damn pump for a big bottle, so I could drink some more water. However, the glasses, the paper cups I'm using very small. Further to that, I think a mosquito bit my leg. And I don't like mosquitoes. They're bad. This year, summer is coming to an end. This is a depressing thought. If you're me, summer is too short. Climate change, bring it on. Then we get winter. So we reset. We forget about summer, and we appreciate it. They say the key to being happy in life this is they they say this is to be thankful. And that's why Canadians are happier than Americans, because we appreciate summer. Hell, we appreciate winter sometimes because at least we're not dead. Usually that's a good thing, not being dead. And if you are dead and you're listening to this, thank you. Because I got feedback from Christian this week, and that's why I'm here. He forced me into this. You fucking asshole. I'll find you wherever the hell you are in Europe right now. I will come to you and find you and yeah. Why aren't you in Los Angeles? I always thought if I ever needed somebody to stay with in Los Angeles, that would be you. Or maybe some advice about Los Angeles. You could live there for, like, 30 years. Now. I don't have that. I've got maybe Ryan Reynolds. Good friend of mine. Ryan Reynolds a good guy, too. Won't return my calls. So liz Cheney, as you know, is from Wyoming. She's trying to protect democracy in the United States, which is ultimately protecting democracy everywhere, including here in Canada. And I don't like her. I don't agree with her on any political front other than democracy. Good, authoritarianism, bad. But that's okay because that's the most important thing when you say there's somebody from another party, but at least you have some commonality. This is the commonality. This is the commonality I have with Liz Cheney. And not to be sexist, I will now say something sexist. Feeling a bit of an attraction to her. And this is something that's developed slowly. And I know if you're male, you feel the same way. If I could program a robot dominatrix for myself, for my own personal pleasure, I would say, give me the Cheney with chains. Liz Cheney with chains. Just because I feel guilty. I feel like I've done something bad around her. I look at her, and I feel guilty, like I ate an extra cookie today. Channing knows I enjoyed sneezing liz cheney knows that I had pleasure. The church of Cheney dictates that no one be happy, because clearly she's not happy. I've never seen her smile. I've never seen her laugh or tell a joke. She's humorless. This is perfect for the robot down atrix flavor. If I were to pick 1 second to list Cheney, I don't know who it would be, honestly. Hillary Clinton, maybe. I mean, if I was having lunch with Hillary, I would feel guilty just about not being a better person, about not doing enough and not pulling my weight to keep the world a better place and being lazy. I think Cheney and Clinton would both know that it's not just being mean. It's not like I look at her and I say, she's mean. And that's why I think she would make the perfect dominatrix for me, or at least her personality applied to something else. She is a person. She's not a dominatrix. She's got her own career, and she's talented and good at what she does, I suppose, but that doesn't preclude us. I mean, have you seen the president of Finland? She's like, 36 and has active ovaries, which is very attractive to him at my age. Anyone with active ovaries? I've spilled a tiny cup of my water. I have to get some more here. There we go. That's refreshing. It's room temperature, but it's still refreshing. Oh, the itch. I'm just constantly scratching myself and getting pleasure out of it. Ms. Cheney, please, madam senator, punish me for a bad. Yeah, well, that's something that you did need to see me and tattered underwear getting restrained on Saturday night in a dungeon by channy with Hillary Clinton in the wings. What about a male dominatrix? Why do they have to be female? Who would be my male dominatrix? Who would I feel guilty in front of automatically? The pope would make a good dominatrix. He has that talent. He has that ability that whatever that thing is to make you feel guilty about just existing. And the Pope was in Canada recently. If I was looking them in the eye, I would say, he sees through me. He sees into me, and he knows that I'm a bad person. He knows all the bad things I've done. And there's a lot there's a lot of bad things I've done. I can't begin to tell you the bad things I've done. I mean, I could outline maybe one or two a show, but I don't think there's a statute of limitations in Canada that protects me from some of the bad things I've done, so I'm not going to do that. So the pope, he would have this little smile on his face as he whipped you, and he said, gems, you're bad. Take some more of this. I like the bruise. Yeah, that's the kind of pope he is. He would be a good dominator. It slips my mind with the name for dominatrix. Is that a gender specific name or is it going to be a male? Why is there no male dominatrix? Is it because males are assholes anyway? Violent, masculine assholes. And we always look for that in our sexual deviance. Heterosexual people with a female figure wearing leather. What does leather have to do with it, by the way? Liz Channy and leather. Why couldn't she be wearing a nice picnic dress, nice summer dress, or maybe a nice senate suit? Yes, it's the senate suit she's going to wear because, you know, she'll see right through me and punish me just like the pope would. The pope knows where to go. He knows where your deepest dirtiest thoughts are. And as an experienced pope, he can see those. He sees everything because he's close to god, you understand? And god knows everything, and he or she imparts that onto the pope. And the pope just knows everything you've done, and he punishes it for you. Maybe I feel like I've had too many things in my life that have gone unpunished. Maybe I need some sort of resolution to the issues of the bad things I've done. Maybe the idea of guilt could be solved with being punished for being a bad boy. I thought, that's a terribly bad boy. Who knows? I've been to Wyoming. Sadly, I've been to Wyoming several times because Wyoming stands between me and Denver, and Wyoming is like the shittiest state in the union next to the Dakota, of course, but it's a terrible fucking state with terrible fucking people. Can you imagine being left wing in Wyoming? It would be, I don't know, like being gay in the catholic church. I don't know. That seems actually quite common compared to other places, so I'm not so sure about that. Take that back. But yeah, and it's like one

James was triggered by the slap heard around the world at the Oscars. Plus James answers questions until you get to know him. I'm on youtube and twitter. sneezeshow@gmail.com All links James: https://linktr.ee/whittingham Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow Other podcast: @cleanenergypod Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Sneeze with James Whittingham. Well, hello. It's me. It's James. And we're going to have a little talk again this week, aren't we? Another little talk, you and I conversing, except you're not going to say a fucking thing or I'll slap your ass. I'm really upset by the Oscars and I'm a little embarrassed by it because I don't know why I'm upset. I mean, it's not like I shouldn't be upset. I see lots of other comedians are particularly sensitive to the idea of violence against comedy. I don't know why. It's in my psyche somewhere. Maybe it's happened to me before. The fear has always been there. Or maybe I was just beaten to a pulp as a kid. One can't necessarily remember, but it bothered me. Well, I'm in Canada where you fight in hockey and it's considered the best part of the game. I hate fighting in hockey. I'm not a hockey fan per se. It used to be when I was a kid, but never been to a hockey game until I was. And then I saw a fight and I thought, that's barbaric. What the fuck are they doing? This is acceptable in our society. I didn't have kids at the time. I was just about to have kids and I thought, I'm not taking my kids to a hockey game. So I didn't until they were old enough to understand. Not that I understand. It was just totally fucked up. The Oscars, everybody hates watches the Oscars, but they watch it. Everybody's watching it. I don't hate to watch them. I love the Oscars. I've always loved the Oscars. I've loved the movies that the Oscars celebrate, almost always. I love them. I'm not a film stock up nerd. I like those movies. That is fair to say also that I don't like superhero movies that much. I don't get as much out of them as I do, say, an Oscar nominated best picture, but that's just me. Maybe I didn't read enough comic books as a kid because I was illiterate. So blame it on my stupidity for not getting more into comic book films and superheroes. I do watch them. I do enjoy them, but I don't enjoy them as much as I should. I just don't get that excited about them. So when that slap thing happened, I knew right away it was real. I didn't know it was real until he threw his fist across his face and assaulted Chris Rock, but I didn't have to wait for him to sit down and start shouting obscenities and see the look on his face, which he could not fake. Will Smith, capable actor, could not pull shit like that off. Chris Rock, capable actor. I know that reaction. I know it. It was real and it was just so sour to see the Oscars soured like that, just chat upon after my whole life and another life before mine of dignity and celebration, of the art form that I studied in university that I fell in love with when I was a child, going to the theater every week, and I respected. I just watched fucking Will Smith smoothie. Now I don't want to look him in the face. Now I'm triggered to see his fucking face. I cannot even see him and not feel bad. I just watched him at king Richard, which I thought he was pretty good, but not best picture, not best actor good. I saw some inconsistencies. pulled back the understanding of it. He also reminded me of my brother Bill, the character he played, which I thought was a positive in the portrayal of him. Anyway I can't get over. It's like the world changed. It's like September 11. It's like trump being elected president, and then the Oscar slap. That's how I feel about it. For me, my world has changed. The Oscars will never be a safe place. The Oscars will never be guaranteed. I mean the fuck up at the end of the Oscars a couple of years ago with the reading of the wrong name, that was pretty legit. The world is falling apart, people. Okay? It's falling apart. I went and bought an air freshener at the dollar tree dollar 25. Searched through them all, found a red one, because I like red, and it was a berry scent. It was one of them. We recently had one in our tiny bathroom. They call it real estate agents. They call it a powder room. So it's just a turlot and a sink, and that's a small room, so you should be able to smell it, and I can't. And no, I don't have covet. I have been checked for covet, and I smell everything else. I smell myself smelling myself right now. But I'm telling you that this thing, this air freshener, this wax cone that imitates the glade air fresheners has, no offense, no scent whatsoever. I put it right up to my nose. It is a piece of colored wax that has no scent. It does not absorb scent, and it's supposed to emit scent, a pleasant, bury scent, and it is nothing. The world has gone to shit. When you can't get an air freshener for your shitter that smells like anything, even if it smells like a bad invitation to berry, we'd be ahead of where we are now. But no, the world has gone to absolute motherfucking shit. People are assaulting people at the Oscars, and they're not getting hauled away, and then they're getting applauded when they win the o. What the fuck is wrong with this goddamn world? What is it? If the covet factor wasn't bad enough, then don't blame the shit on COVID, and don't blame it on mental illness, because there's been no talk of mental illness yet. He certainly seemed to completely lose his shit. And the fact that he had his publicist come on at every commercial break at three commercial breaks before his award or whatever to find that perfect tone to hit leads me to believe that he and then dancing with a fucking Oscar at a party afterwards like nothing had happened. No. You bishlap Chris Rock at the Oscars, you go home and you're a mouse. Nobody knows you exist. You hide, okay? Air fresheners don't stink. Oscars. I don't know, man. It's just I've got a sick admission for you. I've got a very sick admission for you. It's not sexual. It's how the war in Ukraine has made me feel normal. This is normal. War somewhere far away is normal. It's what I grew up with. There's always somebody invading. As much as I am completely distressed by that, I am as much as anyone. And it's just I can't even I've got to take a break from the television set because I am just full of empathy for the Ukrainians. But at the same time, somehow it feels normal. As bad as it is, if you can count on bad things that you are used to that it's. Somehow the world is what it's supposed to be, and it's a lot scarier where the world is not supposed to be what it is now. Tell that to Ukrainians who were living their life just fine until this shit happened for no good reason. All right, the computer is asking me I'm being asked what is my favorite candy? Good question. Thank you for the question. Let's see here. My favorite candy is anything that tastes like the fruity flavors of red orange and that's it. Red orange. If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be? I'd be a horny banana. Because essentially what I've always been is a horny banana. Yeah. A little bit brown, a little bit a few places around bruises. The peel starting to come off a little bit. Something like that. And as I get older, the band and I had to get softer and less fresh. It's beyond ripe now. It's now moving into the not so ripe section. Madonna. If she didn't take it already. I would change it to Madonna something with Zack Powers or something stronger and less British. What are you interested in that most people haven't heard of? Staying with sex. I'm kidding. I'm not going to talk about sex. I would say, yeah, okay, here's something. I'm interested in aviation. I'm interested in air traffic control. Sometimes I go down a rabbit hole of air traffic control on YouTube and I listen to when planes get into stress. It's like reality television for me, except this is actual reality reality television. Of course, as you know, if you were smart it's so fucking fake. I have smart people in the TV industry who watch reality television. I think I can watch 5 seconds before I think, fake, fake, fake. That's fake. Obviously coached. I mean, it's so obvious to me. And yet these people watch it. Now, I can suspend my disbelief for a lot of things. I'll watch mostly movies sometimes and get into it. But ultimately reality television. I know how they do it. It's obvious stuff. And you create drama and conflict where there isn't any. So you take that away and you take the music away and you've got kindergarten at best. Somebody fighting over a banana. The last book you gave up and stopped reading? The phone book. What's your worst habit? Overeating. What's one of your favorite smells? Overeating and digestion 8 hours later. What's your earliest memory? Interesting. My earliest memory is going downtown with my mother and going to some sort of restaurant, some sort of open space restaurant and having a pure orange drink and a glass. And I remember just being fixated on how orange the glass was filled with orange drink, orange juice. It was an orange pop of some sort. And that's my earliest memory for some reason. Of course it's food related. It's my fucking obese. You've lost all of your possessions but one. What would you want it to be? Oh, shit. I'm going to have to save my computer because I create with my computer. I don't know. That's a tough one. What's something you wish you'd figured out sooner? Women. Can't say I fully figured them out, but I know how they operate now. I know how they go. I know what the deal is. I wish I figured that out in high school or maybe even earlier. And by the way, it's pretty easy. What was your favorite teacher and why? Who was your favorite teacher? I didn't have any. My kindergarten teachers. The last teacher gave me any respect, they cast me a little Red Riding Hood as a wolf. I don't really remember, but I'm pretty sure I sparkled. What is one of the greatest value that guides you in your life? Don't harm others in your group of friends. What role do you play? Beastmaster. What's your worst habit? Frequent masturbation. Pizza or tacos? Pizza. B

How James plans to 'get rid of' 'The Russian Perogie' due to his war on Ukraine. All links James: https://linktr.ee/whittingham Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow Other podcast: @cleanenergypod Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Obese man on obese world Obesity Day 2022 Drinking a Diet Pepsi because he can't drink water. He needs, needs everything to be sweet. Here it goes from a bottle. Not a good patch. That was carbon dioxide releasing from my belly. I'm not high. I'm not anything. Hello. This is my plan to kill Vladimir Putin. Vladimir Putin, the autocratic dictator of the Federated, russia of Russia. To which I say to you, fuck you, Vladi. Fuck you, you treasonous, war criminal, small, bunker minded, tiny man. I'm coming to kill you. Yes, you. This is how I'm going to do it. You need to be killed. You need to be spanked. Honestly. Of course you need to be spanked. But I think you would enjoy that. Being the man who hangs out in oligarch circles on yachts with young impressionable women with low selfesteem. Probably spanking you for thousands of dollars and jewelry gifts. That's their problem. One day they will end up dead. No one will care. They should care. But they're not going to, are they? Because you're going to make people not care. The truth is out there. Accepted Russia, where truth does not exist. Truth is such a precious commodity that people, when they actually hear the truth, don't believe it. Like those who listen to Fox News as those who think that the vaccine is doing something permanent to you when science says otherwise. Putin probably made you think that not taking the vaccine going on Facebook is the real microchip implantation. Russia is no doubt involved in this shit of making people stupid. And that's why I'm going to fucking kill Vladimir Putin middle name. Get this, vladimirovich the man so nice, they named him basically twice. Vladimir. Vladimirovich. That's like Jameson Whittingham. Here's how I'm going to do it. The poison agent that killed or almost killed his opposition leader or opposition figure in the country is Novocalk. Okay? Now you know how dangerous this is. Contaminated planes by the dozens. And it's a nerve agent. There's a trace that can kill you. So I'm getting the same room as Vladi out of the pretense that I am a yacht broker, because you know there's going to be a lot of yachts on the open market. I try to pick one up myself. These are yachts that are going to be seized by these fuckers who support Putin and took all of Russia's money. One owns a steel plant just down the road from me. It's amazing. Fucking oligarchs and their yachts. Their billion dollar yachts. You know, the disco is in the basement of the yacht. I think that's a mistake. I think the disco should be on the top floor. I don't want to go down into the CD Club if I own the world that this club exists in. I wanted to be up high. Let it be under the stars. Let it be a rooftop party. Let it have a deck that opens up so you can see the stars. Put the disco on the roof along with the pool and the helipads. You can't have a million dollar yacht without a helipad and a helicopter. You need an escape route. Do you know the fanciful thing that seems unbelievable about these fucking yachts? They have anti paparazzi lasers. The lasers can detect camera flashes and instantly respond by blinding the camera so that you cannot take pictures of it. These things are real. I checked it out. It's not a myth. They actually have anti paparazzi lasers on them, as well as anti aircraft and anti terrorist shit. Russian Pepsi. Alright, vladi, you know, he sits across giant tables. He's paranoid of covet. I don't think he's taking the vaccine. He made his daughter take the vaccine. But he's so paranoid at covet that his tables are like a block long. They're city block long. I'm not even kidding. They're huge. They've had to construct these tables to make Vladi look like he should end sit at one of the ends of it. Yeah. So that's where my meeting would take place, as all meetings do with Putin on the end of a block long table where you have to shout to the other side. It's true. I think he's scared of being poisoned. But here's what I've looked at the rooms of where he has his meetings. There's like four or five doors on them. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to make my pitch for my yachts, okay? I want to sell them a yacht. I'm going to secure yacht and that's going to be my pitch. I'll have a translator there as well. I don't know who that's going to be, but someone sexy to distract him. Not that sexy because I got to get to that in a minute. There's going to be a different kind of sexy that's going to distract him. What I'm going to do is I'm going to touch all the doors and I'm going to tell him, all right, there's no shock and all the doors and I'm going to die within three minutes. But here's the deal. Here's the deal, Vladi. I want you to give up what you're doing in the Ukraine. In Ukraine. Not the Ukraine. It's not the Canada, it's not the Iceland. It's Ukraine. Just fucking Ukraine. James. Okay? I want you to give it up, Vladi. And here's what you're going to do. You're going to tell your troops right now on the phone, on the blower to pick it up and tell them to leave or I'm going to come and touch you. Now, he knows Taekwondo, supposedly, but he's an old man. He's getting old, obviously. He's going crazy. Bat shit fucking crazy. So he'll come at me, my defense, dropping my pants. You know how he hates anything gay in the Russia. Just comes out really against gay. He's homophobic. I'll drop my pants. Two things will happen. Either he is gay and he'll be consumed by the glisten of my penis. Consumed. Or he'll be so disgusted that he'll just stop in his track so he won't go near me. Okay, this is why penises are a great self defense, and they're often not used in that way. There's two ways that it'll go. Either he is gay and he'll be taken aback by the glisten of my penis, the shining orb that is my junk, or he'll be completely scared of it. And most people are scared of it, to be honest. This will help me work. With the tools you have, they're not going to take off my penis before I enter the room. They might try to take it off afterwards. That's what I'm going to do. Okay? Now, I assume somewhere in the room there's a fork. And with that fork, I'm going to stab him in the heart. I'm not going to kill him. I'm going to kill him, and then I'm going to eat them because he looks like a pirogi to me. And on behalf of the Ukrainian people, I'm going to eat Putin. And then when the guards come in, I'll say, it was never here. Once again, here, because I've eaten them. And I'll say, what are those bones over there? Oh, we had some chicken. Vladi has really big chickens. He doesn't show them to everybody he works with, but he does. He has very big chickens. Those are like I said, we just had a really good time meeting them. And that's how I'm going to kill him, basically with my penis, a dinner fork, and the threat of the very poison he used against other people. It's simple. I don't know why somebody's not doing it. I don't know why I have to do this shit. There should be spies that can do this. And why haven't they done it a long time ago? He's out of control. The man is a menace. Should be cluster bombing his fucking mansion, his palace in the woods. Why are we doing that? Maybe a small nuke on that would be nice. God, I hate that fuck. Vladimir. Vladimirovic Putin. Suck my fucking white cock, you useless piece of pirogi shit. Going to bring salt with me? They'll probably not let me have salt. I'm going to try. I'll PrePat it down for salt. Maybe if I put salt in my pocket, just loosely, a little bit of pepper. I don't want to eat him raw, but I will get rid of him. Or maybe I'll psychologically make him realize that he's gay and make him stab himself in the heart because he despises it. He's so afraid of it. My junk will make Putin realize he's gay and he'll kill himself. That's the bunker mentality. Yes. That's how it's going to go down. Wrinkly, middle aged man scrotum freshly waxed at the parlor, the Russian parlor. They don't care about paying much there, do they? Maybe we should get it done overseas, here in North America. Anyway, that's my plan. I'm going to kill him as soon as I can. I'm learning as much as I can about yachts. I'm trying to get one myself. I would rent it out as an airbnb. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid, but I wouldn't rent the whole thing out to rich people. I just rent it out to moderately rich people so everybody could be like my own cruise ship. Like $5,000 a night for one of the bunks. And that's not including food. You pay for your food. The big buffet grossly biased by my fast food habits. So we're talking hamburgers, french fries, tacos on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and pizza vagina style. You don't know what that is, but you won't even be able to look it up. I'm afraid it'll be hard. You'd have to do some deep digging to find what Regina style pizza is. I think it's thick and saucy. So what else would I cake? Yeah, like I said, it's world obesity day today, and it's also world engineering day. So I got a kid in engineering university, and so he celebrated. I'm celebrating. We're both going to have cake. It'll be more apt that I have the cake, being obese as it is and celebrating the day. Yeah, and I'll wear my mask, too. Damn it. You know what? He'll probably want me to wear a mask. I could say the mask has the poison, but I've bitten a pill in my molar and I've got pills in my molar. I've got all kinds of them. I've got a flintstones in one, I've got poison pill in another. I've got various pills in my molars. I'm not a spy, but you want to be prepared with these things if you can. I'm a man who likes to be prepared, and putting pills in my mowers is certainly one of the first steps I took when I became an adult. And you got to get it replaced. Every few years. They do expire, so the dentist will say, james, your poison pills expired. We'd like to see you in the next three months. Otherwise it's going to be pointless or not as effective when you crunch the poison pill, because you

Tired of the crazy fringe. Trucker convoys, conspiracy theories, and absolutely insane accusation of a false flag. Covid restrictions.  A brief update from James.

A shy comic performer who had just got on to national television runs is broke and takes a job as a personal assistant to one of Hollywood's most infamous directors, Peter Bogdanovich. You're truly spent two intimate weeks with Bodanovich and took he, his then wife, Louise Stratten, her mother and a relative to Niagara Falls in the middle of cutting a Disney movie of the week. I was somewhat terrified of the man. But he might have been more broke than I was at the time. This is my story.    

Being a noted hypochondriac of course I thought I was dying when they ordered a 5 foot scope up my ass.  The story, fear and elation as James gets a colonoscopy at the General Hospital in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.

Before today, if I showed up in Heaven, the first thing I'd ask is to be a fly on the wall during a Beatles record production. Thanks to Peter Jackson, that wish has been fulfilled on Earth and is airing on Disney Plus. The Beatles were the soundtrack to my earliest memories. How they achieved such greatness mystified me my whole life. But I am now complete.

James screams about racism, racist relatives, the Rittenhouse verdict, and failing his colon screening test assuming once again death is near. It's not. IF YOU ARE A RACIST stop listening to me now. Unsubscribe from everything I do.  Obama's election made us pat ourselves on the back and too many of assumed we were post racism. Then, like powering off the machine that contained the ghosts on the first Ghostbusters, Trump unleashed the racism within so many people.  Thanks for listening.  Black Lives Matter. Every Child Matters. All links James: https://linktr.ee/whittingham Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow Other podcast: @cleanenergypod Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com Transcript of this episode: Thanks for listening to Sneeze. I'm in a dark mood today. Hello, this is James. Dark after dark, before dark, during dark, I'm not happy. Not only did I fail my colonoscopy screening test, which was no fun, although looking into it, I'm probably going to live. That's probably fine. And if it's not, I'll probably live. We'll see. I mean, I could die from any number of things. This I know. It could happen anytime. My weight is not good. It is inexplicably non stop risen. Even with trying during the pandemic, something's wrong. My tapeworm died. I don't know what happened. So yeah, I could drop dead of a heart attack. We had a shed lot of snow on my street. It drifted in. And when the snow drifts, it becomes hard and heavy and dense like cement. Don't ask me why, okay, because I'm a geek. I think what happens to is the crystals get eroded, so there's no space between them anymore. And what you have is just frozen snow, which is ice, and ice is heavy. So yeah, I was stuck at home. We shoveled my wife's car because she needs it for work. I stayed at home with my car because it was 20ft of about three tons of snow. And I tried using my little electric my battery. Electric snow shovel doesn't do a thing. I mean, it does things, but it's like chipping away at an iceberg with a pick you can't get anywhere. And I don't have a snow blower because I would probably have one. I bought one and took it back once because I didn't like it. It was clearance and there was something wrong with it. It was fucking broken. There you go. But I need one once every three, four years. Once one time every three, four years. The rest of the time the snow shovel will do me fine because it doesn't snow that much here usually. So I don't have a snow blower. My neighbors do and they like to stop at the property line. The fuckers? The fuckers can't go past the property line. There's a guy down the street with an ATV. When he got to my driveway, he stopped. Why? I don't know. I don't know. He's a redneck. Pretty sure he's a redneck. Pretty sure I heard him. Pretty sure I heard him yelling obscenities at a woman once. A strange woman. Not a strange woman, a stranger to him, which is never good when somebody's driving down the street. It's just stupid. The whole world is stupid. And the written house verdict just came down. I wanted to talk about racism anyway. So I said, James, go feed yourself. Get some carbohydrates, turn on the telly while you eat because you need a distraction, because you're eating poorly. Once you see a white man crying on a stand, you know it's going to go well for him. What's his fucking deck on the Supreme Court. Fucking cunt. You fucking piece of shit cunt. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a rant cast, but I am dying, people, and I have a right to be angry. It's one of the stages of learning that you failed your colonoscopy test. Your colonoscopy screening test, your colon screening test, your shit test. I talked about it last week. I doubt my shit really well. I didn't want to miss anything. Well, I didn't, because they found it. They found what? They were looking for samples of blood on the edge of my stool, which could be there for any number of reasons. I read one statistic that said 4% of people actually have cancer who failed a test. Okay, I don't even like those odds. You know that. But it's not a death sentence, which is why they screen you in the first place. They send these kits out of the mail and they screen them so that you don't die of colon cancer. And the good news is, if I pass my colonoscopy, which I'm not sure I will, I think there's a better chance of 4% that I am dying or have a fatal disease or a dangerous disease. But I think that if I pass, they tell me that I don't have to do a shit test for five years because apparently colon cancer moves slowly. That has to be the only reason why they would do that for five years. So I've read other statistics that scared the daylights out of me. I prefer to go with the 4% one because those are pretty good odds. Pretty good odds. But I'm a fat bastard. I've had two colonoscopies. I've had a little constipation. Oh, we better send you for colonoscopy. I get in three days. Once three days later, I had given myself Enemas. This is the old days. They're better now. You actually have to give it yourself. Two Enemas, clean out your fucking shithole. And yeah, we had a scope of Me 5ft long Deemeral, and they don't use Demerol anymore. I hope the new drug is good. They say they put you to sleep. I just don't want to not wake up because I'm a fat man. Fat men don't sleep well in hospital settings. Hopefully this is not my last podcast. Let's see here. The colonoscopy is on the 9th, so it'll either be a terrible Christmas or Christmas of renewal. A second chance, at least on life. But I don't know what I'm going to do with I pissed away my life already. But you know what? I think I'm pretty happy with my life now. There's one thing that I'm not happy with, and that is finances. I have not earned money per se in any significant way that would benefit my family a little bit here and there, but not in a way that I should have provided for my family that I regret. However, as far as accomplishments go and the person that I am in the situation I'm in, everything except money is really good. In fact the young James looking back saying 1820 year old James would be thrilled with the things that I've accomplished. I wouldn't even been able to believe that. I don't know, I haven't cured cancer, I haven't solved pie. But I had low expectations I think at that age. And I'm really happy with some of the things I've accomplished. Some of the things I never would have expected to have accomplished or been at. So I am content in what I have accomplished in my little bits of career and in my life. I'm a father and that's worked out really well. So beyond money, I'm happy. Know that know also that I really like chocolate and I really like food too much. And my body is falling apart. And I can't exercise very well because things are physically not working physically. There are things that are just not working for me to exercise. I am exercising as best I can. But I would be doing a lot more if I could. And I can't. My foot for example, problems with my foot, mechanical problem, tendon problem and it's just not fucking these things take a long time to heal. I don't have time. I don't have much time anymore. And time goes by faster. I'm basically dead. Okay? I'm 55 years old. The time in the last 50 years went by pretty damn fast. In the next 50 years if I lived that long and I won't. But let's say I did. It'd probably be like a day, right? It's going to be a very quick time. And I won't even seen everything that there is to see on Netflix. That's just the top tier shows I wouldn't have even gotten to. So I don't know. I'm pissed off about a lot of things. I'm pissed off that I don't have enough money to buy a snow bloor and that I'm thinking of either buying a defibrillator or snow blower. I need one of the two for days like today. Because I can shovel. But I think my heart will probably be one of the people who dies shoveling. Because it's easy. It's easy to get the heart rate going suddenly and you're out in the cold, you're mad, you're mad at the snow. Maybe you're not mad, but you're not happy. snow blower or the fibrillator or both or I should be rich enough to pay for a fucking person to shovel and have maids and what else is there? I won't get into them starting to get self conscious about what I say because my kids can listen to my show. I can't do that. I can't worry about that. I can hide for the fact that they even have the show. So we'll do that. We'll do that instead. I thought electric cars and perhaps flying cars would be ubiquitous by now. I also thought sex robots would be ubiquitous. Where are we on these things? We're late. I thought cancer would be cured, didn't you? Those people are my age and grew up in the 70s, came of age in the 80s. Didn't you think that? Why are we so far behind when Obama became President of the United States? I naively, and I hate myself for thinking this. At the same time, I don't blame myself, but I was very naive to think that racism was not over, but it was a big pat on the back. Hey, look, it's moving forward. The world is moving forward like we thought it would, like we expected it to, and it hasn't. And it's amazing how much it has. And if anything, having Obama's president is what opened up the reality of what people actually think. The reaction to him becoming president, a black man in charge, God forbid, and the reaction of Trump and everything that came around that and the Unleashing is like Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters own theaters today, the new Ghostbusters. It's like opening up where they turned out off the power, where they restored the Ghost. That's what Trump did. He turned off to the power of the racist ghosts within us, and they all came out, and now they're raging and they're taking over the world, and we have lost control to the racists. If you're on Facebook and you share a racist meme of any sort, anything that has to do with race, anything that has to do with Black Lives Matter, for fuck's sake, put a sheet over your head while you do it. Be yourself. Don't pretend you're not racist. I can't stand racism. I never could stand racism. And now it's unbelievably worse than ever because people wear it on their fucking sleeves like it's okay, like th

James takes his 13 year old fishnet-wearing daughter trick or treating only to find sympathy for her being alone got her more candy. But when he rummages through her candy he finds the choices are boring and few. If someone with a time machine stopped Halloween from getting invented, James' pants would fall to the floor.  Asshole Mark Zuckerberg wants to us face to face via headsets, looking at fake other people.  Hundreds of QAnon believers gathered in Dallas to witness the supposed return of John F. Kennedy and John F. Kennedy Jr., who are very much dead. This is a bad sign for the future. Elon Musk could put 6 billion dollars into solving world hunger if the U.N. can come up with a plan. James would be happy if Elon Musk solved James Peckishness for about a hundred bucks. We spin the wheel and talk pansexuals, panphobias and paperboys.  Thanks for listening. See James on Tik Tok.

Every other white person has a family castle in the U.K. Not the Whittinghams. Odd phobias like fear of small holes! A sex toy to hide your valuables. Not those valuables! James speculates that the abandoned Whittingham Psychiatric Hospital in Great Britain is haunted and perhaps your host is a serial killer.  Movie idea for Trinidadian-Canadian director, Lowell Dean. Caution: Listening to this podcast will kill you. Find me on Tik Tok and Twitter @sneezeshow Contact me sneezeshow@gmail.com Tell your friends!

There's a rat urine disease in New York City that's killing people. As if we didn't have enough problems. The Queen is near death and James can't take the idea of even more change, like the Queen not being on money. She's always been on money. Now we have everything wrong with the world and our money will look different. Tooooo much change!  James is now on TikTok come see him! https://www.tiktok.com/@jameswhittinghamsneeze SneezeShow@gmail.com Twitter @sneezeshow James on Twitter @jewhittingham Check out my other podcast, The Clean Energy Show. Thank you!

James discovers there's such a thing as a 55 plus seniors living complex, right after turning 55. He ponders why people his age would need their own middle-aged home.  Denny's seniors' menu, BTS obsession, returning to the gym, combining a cat and a dog to make a super pet. All links James: https://linktr.ee/whittingham Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow Other podcast: @cleanenergypod Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com

James returns with nipples you could eat off of and is ready to talk horse dewormer, Norm Macdonald, obituaries, getting back to the gym and how each hot dogs you eat can take 36 minutes off your life. Plus: Do vegetables feel pain? Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com      

Is the pandemic over? James gains weight due to the lockdown. He vaxes his family at great lengths and almost gets exposed. Then he goes to an anti-lockdown rally to listen in to the lunatics and bigots. A local YouTuber details cars and people get off on watching a good-looking man clean. How to tell if someone is on steroids. James can't figure out TikTok and asks for your help. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com      

No prep, James just starts talking! Cotton pillow cases, broken bidet, covid vaccine, Victor Lam story, congrats to Lowell Dean on getting the prick, the Impossible Whopper, pandemic malaise.  Nothing fancy today, just James talking. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com    

James thinks he will get the vaccine soon but his unusual friend Victor Lam (star of "WolfCop" and "Another WolfCop"), who joins him on the show, has already had it! Victor hesitated first. We'll find out why. Plus James is constipated and has to explain what a bidet is to Victor. Then we spin the wheel to create conversation topics just like the old days! James's other comedy podcast "Where Porn Stars Go to Die" tells the fictional story of an over-the-hill porn icon who breaks his penis and has to navigate life in the real world.  LISTEN/FOLLOW Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6dcop1ve2n1tm6CiNtmNau Voice Mail: https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze Email sneezeshow@gmail.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuA5hq1N17HsJgDz96J9NQ

The Weeknd's Super Bowl half time show was a big success for James so screw you. But he spent 7% of his own bank account to make it happen because Pepsi was being cheap assholes. A brief overview of the past Super Bowl half time shows including the first one that featured The Three Stooges in 1967. James thinks the crowd of 25 thousand at the game didn't need to be there to make a difference. They could have faked the crowd noise. And what if it rained on the cardboard cut outs. Would the have wilted and died? A studio audience should be vaccinated before everyone else and fly around to all the late night talk shows because James misses laughter.  Guillermo Rodriguez from Jimmy Kimmel Live has a drinking problem and isn't enough to provide laughter for the show. James is an elitist but has never eaten babies or drank their blood. If the secret cabals with Bill Gates and George Soros were so secret, how do we know about them?   The Tide-to-Go pens are not big enough for James's lifestyle. He needs one as big as one of those jumbo Jiffy markers. And did you know he takes his shirt off to eat a hot dog? Ground Hogs are only right about 37% of the time on Ground Hog Day. Why not reverse the myth so it's accurate? A woman claims her Goop vagina candle exploded in her living room. James does a calculation to come up with the perfect gravity. Christopher Plummer died and only not is everyone calling him a drunk. RIP. Mike Lindell, the My Pillow guy, came out with a 3 hour movie but that's too long for me to watch. Canadian's care about U.S. politics because if the United States goes authoritarian they'll take over Canada. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com  

James thinks he can sneak into a elderly care home and steal the Covid-19 vaccine from getting injected into an old person.  Gravity is increasing. Introducing a now-defunct experimental podcast format from James Whittingham that involves storytelling. Thanks for listening! Be sure to follow/subscribe for more episodes! My links Send me an online voicemail now! https://www.speakpipe.com/sneeze James on Twitter This podcast on Twitter James on TikTok My YouTube comedy channel Even more James links: https://linktr.ee/whittingham My other podcast: The Clean Energy Show Contact us sneezeshow@gmail.com