58 minutes | Mar 4, 2021

The Divine Right Of Smoothie Kings

  • You’re probably not going to play professional football, so how should you decide where to attend college? Our academic survey can tell you! 
  • The “Which school has the most convenient parking" answers won’t surprise you; the “Which school has the best food" answers definitely will!
  • Also covered: The crucial categories of “waterslide availability" and “places to take a nap in public"
  • Eat shit, US News & World Report
  • The University of Texas’s clutch of Panera-level fascist boosters don’t deserve a good-faith argument, and you shouldn’t give them one!
  • A Charity Bowl challenge is issued!

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