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Sex With Dr. Jess
35 minutes | 7 days ago
Exes, Erogenous Zones & Erotic Massage
This week we explore surprising hot spots on the body including the Million Dollar Mark as well as a variety of erotic touch techniques from the Liquid Trace to the Breath Kiss. We also answer a listener question about whether or not to invite an ex to your wedding. Thanks to our amazing sponsor OMG by IOBA. I love this toy! Save 30% with code DRJESS And don’t forget to tune into Intimately You with Dr. Jess on CityTV Fridays at midnight starting May 14th — presented by TSC! If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here. And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!
37 minutes | 14 days ago
Episode 211: Sexual communication & research with Dr. Shameka
Dr. Shemeka Thorpe is a brilliant sex researcher, post-doctoral fellow and the founder of the Minority Sex Report. She joins us to talk about her latest research and we answer some of your burning questions including: I can’t get into receiving oral sex. Is something wrong with me? What’s the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality? How do I get over my partner’s past? How can we improve sexual communication? How do we manage pain during sex? How do I advocate for myself with health professionals? Check out Dr. Shemeka Thorpe’s work (including her database of BIPOC Pelvic Floor Therapists) & follow her on Instagram where she is #MakingResearchRelevant. And be sure to check out our new partner femtasy.com — an all audio streaming platform that will help you to uncover new fantasies, explore latent desires and put you in the mood for pleasure. Whether you like romance, kink or something wild, Femtasy has you covered and they’re running a 99 cent special for Masturbation May. Have a listen and let us know what you think!
41 minutes | 21 days ago
Erections, Orgasms & More! Advice from a Pelvic Floor Specialist
Got sexual and pelvic health questions? We’ve got answers! Dr. Rachel Gelman, Doctor of Physical Therapy and pelvic floor specialist returns to answer your questions related to sex, pleasure and pelvic floor functioning including: What is bumper sex? What can I do about leaking when I laugh? How do bowel movements affect pelvic floor function and sexual response? Why is anal pleasure so much hotter after my second child? What causes painful erections and how do you treat them? How do you promote stronger erections — for penises & clitorises? How does sitting at your desk all day affect sexual functioning? Why does oral feel so good after childbirth? How can changing the way you breathe promote pelvic floor function? Learn more about Dr. Rachel Gelman at www.pelvicwellpt.com and follow her on social: IG: @pelvichealthsf twitter: @rachelgdpt FB: @pelvicwellpt And if you’re shopping for goodies, be sure to use code DRJESS at AdamAndEve.com to save 50% almost any single item + free shipping + bonus gifts!
42 minutes | a month ago
Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couples
How do you keep things exciting in the midst of a repetitive routine? How can adults be more playful (because playfulness is associated with happier relationships & hotter sex)? What simple changes can you implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate and erotic — even if you’re super busy? You’re not a light switch, so you likely can’t get turned on in the blink of an eye. This week to celebrate our wedding anniversary, we share 20+ specific strategies and action items you can use to make your relationship more romantic, intimate and erotic. Thanks to the fabulous pearl vibrator, OhMyG, for their support of this episode. Save 30% with code DRJESS & be sure to check them out and watch my demo on IG here.
42 minutes | a month ago
Sex After Childbirth: Techniques & Strategies From a Perinatal Therapist
What are the causes of pain postpartum? How can you soothe your own pain and what exercises and massage techniques can help? What does self massage entail — both directly and indirectly? And how do you assess readiness for sex postpartum? How does a Caesarian birth affect sexual functioning? Perinatal Therapist, Janette Yee, joins us to answer these questions and more. Janette’s Proactivemoms Method course is now available for sign up at any time. Previously the four lessons were taught live; now they’re available pre-recorded, along with over 20 how-to videos illustrating self-massage techniques and exercises. Cost: $199 Introductory bonus: access to 6 months of weekly live online group classes with Janette every Wednesday at 1pm EST. She teaches a mini-lesson, runs a mini-workout, and answers questions. All recorded and available to all students within 24 hours. (Value: $2600) Follow Janette on Instagram & LinkedIn. Please see here for a rough version of this transcript. This podcast is sponsored by Adam & Eve. Use code DRJESS to save 50% off 1 item + bonus goodies!
35 minutes | a month ago
How to Forgive Yourself After You’ve Cheated
A listener shares their story and feelings after having had cheated on their long-term partner. They ask for help managing the guilt and shame and Jess & Brandon weigh in on the topic with a discussion of: Whether or not to tell your partner about an affair Why talking about cheating can be helpful in all relationships How to talk about affairs in the hypothetical to improve understanding in relationships How the language of confession can feel burdensome How to manage feelings of guilt How to forgive yourself How to work through feelings of shame How to practice self-compassion How to learn from previous regrets Please see here for a rough version of this transcript. This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
48 minutes | 2 months ago
Fetishes as Healing & How to Build Attraction
Adam Maurer joins us to crush on Brandon, sass Jess (with love) and answer your sex questions including: How do I pick between partners — a safe partner versus one with whom the sex is hotter? How do I deal with the fact that I love my boyfriend, but I’m no longer find him physically appealing? How can fetishes reduce stress and cultivate connection? What can we do to maintain attraction over time? What can we do to make the relationship run more smoothly? How can individual’s growth potentially threaten a relationship? How do trauma responses affect partner and relationship decisions? How do I deal with a dental visit knowing that I have a dental fetish? Follow Adam on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Please see here for a rough version of this transcript. This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
46 minutes | 2 months ago
Fetishes, Butt Play & Does Size Matter?
The brilliant Luna Matatas joins us to answer your sex and pleasure questions including: How do you stimulate the prostate? What are the best anal toys for beginners? What are lactation fetishes? Does size matter? How do I get over body image issues before I go to a play party? How can I bring up fetishes to a partner? How can we normalize anal play and pegging? How can I pleasure my partner externally? Follow Luna on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube & Instagram. Be sure to listen to The Plug Podcast with Luna Matatas. Please see here for a rough version of this transcript. And drawing from this podcast, be sure to check out Womanizer’s sale on their Starlet & Pro.
42 minutes | 2 months ago
How to Break Up With A Friend
Dr. Shari Nicole, Psychologist and Key Consultant of Everyday Psychology, joins us to talk about the importance and challenge of adult friendships. We discuss cutoff culture, attachments styles, boosting confidence and more including answers to these common questions: How many friends do most people have? How do childhood experiences affect adult friendships? How do you know if a friendship is worth saving? How do you know that it’s time to break up with a friend? How do you go about breaking up with a friend? How do friendships affect intimate relationships? How do friendships differ according to gender? How can you be more confident in your friendships? Follow Dr. Shari on Instagram and Facebook. Be sure to check out her podcast 3 Psychs and a Mic. Please see here for a rough version of this transcript. This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
48 minutes | 2 months ago
What You Don’t Know About HIV
Thanks to medical research and breakthroughs, we now have the tools to end the HIV epidemic. Unfortunately, we’re still a long way off on account of stigma, misinformation and a lack of awareness with regard to prevention options. So it’s essential that we talk about it. Brad McElya, joins us to take a deeper dive into the topic of HIV and answers your questions including: How have approaches to HIV shifted since the 80s? Is HIV transmission possible if you have an undetectable viral load? What is PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) and how does it work to prevent transmission? Who should consider PrEP? Why is HIV still an epidemic when we have the tools to eradicate it? How do we chip away at the stigma that hinders testing, prevention and treatment? How can we normalize conversations about HIV and how can your local pharmacist help? We also discuss the new ArcWave Ion and Brandon provides a very personal and detailed review of his first time using this stroker + pleasure-air technology. You don’t want to miss it! Brad is Walgreens’ Director of Specialty Health Solutions. Walgreens pharmacists receive specialized training in confidential and compassionate HIV care. Learn more at Walgreens.com/prep or visit your local Walgreens and request a consult in a private room. And you can chat online 24/7 with a pharmacist here. Please see here for a rough version of this transcript.
44 minutes | 3 months ago
Trauma Responses in Sex & Relationships
How are trauma and liberation linked? How does trauma show up in the body? And how can you begin to heal? How does trauma play out in sex and relationships? How can you support a partner who has experienced sexual trauma? How do you talk to a new partner if you’re a survivor of sexual assault? How can therapists improve the way they support clients and what can clients ask of therapists to improve their experience in therapy? Therapist Rafaella Smith-Fiallo of Healing Exchange & Afrosexology joins us to share her perspective, expertise and advice. She explores pleasure politics, liberation psychology, social justice, and embodiment as approaches and tools for healing. Follow Rafaella on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Based on the discussion in this podcast, check out the latest events from Afrosexology here. Click here to learn more about Healing for Bibliophiles. Also, consider the You For You Retreat in October 2021, I hope to see you there! Please see here for a rough version of this transcript.
40 minutes | 3 months ago
Reproductive Justice: Power, Positions & Pleasure
The unapologetic sexologist, Michelle Hope, joins us to chat about HIV stigma, forced sterilization, COMMUNITYx, reproductive justice and more. We also address listener questions about anal sex, positions for a tilted cervix and loss of libido. Follow Michelle on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook. The COMMUNITYx App is the premier Social Network for Social Good. Built by changemakers, for changemakers, COMMUNITYx puts organizing and connecting around vital issues at the forefront, without the distractions of other social platforms. The App allows like-minded people from around the world to connect and mobilize in an effort to address some of society’s most pressing social issues, allowing members to create a variety of calls-to-action all in one place. Founded in 2019, by Chloe Cheyenne, since its launch, Chloë and COMMUNITYx have earned major accolades such as being recognized by Forbes 30 Under 30 as the #1 Startup of The Year and is also a Techstars Portfolio Company.
44 minutes | 3 months ago
The Apology Languages, Sexual Initiation Techniques & Communication Tips
This week Jess and Brandon discuss a new project with Walgreens related to PrEP, medication that reduces the sexual transmission of HIV by over 99%. They discuss Jess’ early work in sex education and answer listener questions including: How can I initiate sex with confidence? How do you flirt? What are the “apology languages”? How do you keep your cool during conflict? How can I get my partner to be more dominant in bed? To learn more about Walgreens PrEP, click here. Rough transcript of this podcast below: Brandon: Welcome! Hope everyone is well. Jess: I’m really excited because I’m swamped this week and I like the buzz. I have lots going on with V-Day on the horizon and a big announcement as well, so I’ll start with that topic, as it relates to HIV prevention and involves a new partner and I really think that raising awareness of this topic can make a big difference because While rates of HIV in the U.S. have continued to decrease, but the epidemic is far from over. During the COVID-19 pandemic, many people have faced barriers to HIV testing, prevention and treatment. Obviously sexual health and pleasure intersect with overall health and I really want to increase conversations and understanding when it comes to prevention of HIV through the use of tools like PrEP, or Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. This is why why I am excited to be working with Walgreens to encourage anyone at risk for HIV to reach out to their local Walgreens pharmacist to discuss their options. Walgreens pharmacists are specially trained to offer compassionate, confidential HIV care, including prevention options such as medication counseling and how to qualify for free programs like Ready, Set, PrEP, a nationwide effort led by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which provides PrEP medications at no cost to those who qualify. These confidential discussions with a pharmacist can take place in private rooms in stores, by phone and online via Pharmacy Chat. To learn more, visit walgreens.com slash prep. That’s walgreens.com slash P-R-E-P.” Now most people probably don’t know that I started my career in sexuality working in HIV. My focus when I was doing research in teacher training involved three topics: healthy relationships, HIV/AIDS and sexual pleasure, because these were the topics that Toronto teens identified as their top priorities via the Toronto Teen Survey, which was a partnership research project between three universities that spoke with teens who wouldn’t normally be included in research — so newcomer teens, more queer students, and other students forced to the margins. And when or while I completed by research, I started working freelance with some AIDS service organizations as a trainer, as a speaker and I worked with the ASO up in Fort Mac Alberta to help launch a sexual health & STI counselling line in a region that was hit hard in terms of HIV and STI rates on account of the way the oil economy had affected population movement and growth. The ED of that ASO, Daven Seebaran really focused on sexuality as a part of the HIV discussion — this was over a decade ago and he really realized that you can’t talk about HIV prevention without also talking about sex — pleasure, options, activity, behaviour and not just condom use. He was young at the time and way ahead of his time. And he gave me so many opportunities in this field at a time when many people in public health still refused to talk about sex and definitely were leaving pleasure out of the equation. Back then, PrEP was in its infancy and was, in fact, still in clinical trials, but fast forward a decade plus and we’re in a very different situation now. PrEP, or pre-exposure prophylaxis, is a daily pill that can reduce the risk of sexually transmitted HIV by about 99% when used consistently. You may have heard of the brand names for PrEP. Truvada was the first drug approved for use as PrEP for both men and women by the Food & Drug Administration in 2012. In 2019, a second drug, Descovy, was approved by the FDA for use by men. Both forms of PrEP are highly effective and it’s like birth control in that you take it every day. Efficacy rates according to the CDC are 99% preventative for sexual transmission and 74% for transmission via injectable drugs. And some studies have shown even higher effectiveness with consistent PrEP use among gay and bisexual men, and transgender women. While PrEP is highly effective in preventing HIV, it does not protect against other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). To prevent gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and other common STDs, use condoms. It’s not immediately effective, however. Like birth control, it doesn’t work from the first day you take it. It takes 7 days to reach maximum protection from HIV through receptive anal sex. And for receptive vaginal sex and drug use, it takes about 20 days to reach maximum efficacy. This doesn’t mean you can stop taking it at that time. You have to keep taking it every day as prescribed to maintain protection. In the U.S., it’s covered by most insurance plans and should be covered by Medicaid and Medicare. But if you don’t have insurance, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ funds the Ready, Set, PrEP Program to provides PrEP at no cost and your Walgreen’s pharmacist can assist with this. One of guests last week actually mentioned that she’s on PrEP and I wish we had time to open up that conversation, because we need to normalize these prevention tools. Anyhow, I’m so excited that Walgreens reached out to me about their prevention efforts because it’s just a huge sign of how much has changed in the last decade. Ten years ago, big brands didn’t want to talk about sex even though they sold condoms and lube and birth control and STI drugs. But now, as public health agencies has shifted the conversation, they’re bringing sex talk into the open and that’s my hope with this campaign. And that’s a long announcement, but I think the PrEp update is an important one. And I really encourage you to share it with your clients, friends, family, partners. Let them know that Walgreens pharmacists can answer questions via text on the phone or in store and connect them with programs that can help with access if you’re not insured. Brandon: So much has changed since you started working in this field. Jess: Today we’re answering your questions about how to initiate sex, managing anger, the apology languages and more, so let’s see how many we can get to… First is from someone in Denver. “I’m 59, she’s 61, been married for 26 years and are empty-nesters living in Covid times! Frequency’s about 2-3 times a month, but it’s gotten very predictable. Can you help me with sexual initiation? I want to keep things fresh.” I sure can try! B – how do you initiate sex? Brandon: Touch. I use it to get myself in the mood. And get you in the mood. And the poke from behind in the shower. It really depends on the day. Jess: I know the poke from behind. Brandon: That’s my signature move. But also I pay attention to the things you like – being admired. And that was uncomfortable for me at first. I had to push my confort zone. I had to try new things. I know I’m not a great flirt. I work on that. Jess: First, I want to talk about sex seeds. This is from our latest book. Sex seeds are seductive clues about what is to come in a future sexual experience. They can be planted in the morning if you want to get busy at night or throughout the week before you meet. To plant effective seeds, consider which erotic activities appeal to your lover. Do they like romantic sex? Do they love to be filmed? Are they publicly experimental? Select an erotic activity that you can plan on your own and plant a sex seed to set the tone. For example, if your partner likes to be spanked, leave a spanking instrument in their car (paddle, wooden spoon from the kitchen, riding crop) or leave a photo of it in their briefcase. Leave them a note in their lunch bag or text them a photo of it in your hands. Throughout the day (or week), water the sex seed leaving additional clues. This process can offer you a distraction to reduce stress and help you to weave eroticism throughout your day-to-day interactions. But on the spot, you have so many options: Watch porn or even a movie with lots of sex scenes. Read her a sexy story. Surprise her in the shower just for oral and then move into the comfier bed. Wake her up with oral or a toy. Leave the toy on the bed. Leave her note letting her know what you want to do or want her to do. Blindfold her and touch her entire body only with the backs of your hands. Get some massage oil and start with your fingertips as you very slowly work your way up to her shoulders. Be physically playful – dance, touch and wrestle around. Make her feel something. I talk about the core erotic feeling all the time – how does she want to feel? Sexy? Loved? Confident? Sex is so much more than the physical – and the emotional is often the most powerful. I hope this helps! Next Q: What are the apology languages I saw you talk about them briefly on your IG. Apology languages are drawn from Gary Chapman’s work, the guy who created the love languages, along with Jennifer Thomas. They suggest that the five languages of apology are: expressing regret accepting responsibility making restitution genuinely repenting requesting forgiveness And the theory is that you have to figure out what matters most to your partner. I know quizzes are attractive, but I would suggest that the best way to figure out what your partner wants, is to ask. Not once, but to keep the conversation going. These components can all be important and depending on what you’re apologizing for, what you need may vary. So I don’t believe they’re static or mutually exclusive. But again, it’s a good place to start the conversation when apologizing. The framework of languages can be helpful as a starting point, but it can also be reductionist and limiting. You are complex and changing and your needs cannot always be summed up in one word. And these systems created by and for the West don’t necessarily apply across cultures. So they may or may not be helpful to you. Another Q: “My question is for Brandon. You’ve spoken a few times about how you used to fly off the handle in conflict and learned to keep your cool, but also honour your own feelings. I’m a hot head, I know it and I just feel my blood boiling whenever my GF and I fight. So how did you learn to keep your cool?” Brandon: I really have to tune in to what’s going on my body. Slow my breath. I can feel it boiling in my body. I’ll rub my own hand. It has taken years. You need a partner who supports you too. I have to tell Jess “I’m working on this.” Next Q: What percentage of people actually cheat? 24% admit to it. I want my boyfriend to be more dominant in bed. He’s gentle and slow and loving and I like that, but how do I tell him to be more aggressive? I wonder if he’s gentle and loving and slow because there has been so much emphasis on having men slow down and tune into the emotional elements of connection — which is all well and good, but the bottom line is that there is no universal formula. Even If 99 people want their partners to slow down, they’ll always be one who wants them to speed up. Even If 99 people like a gentle caress, there will always be one who wants it rougher. And that’s cool. There are no universal rules, but in trying to undo gendered stereotypes sometimes we make the mistake of rewriting new rules instead of just focusing on doing what feels good for you and expressing your needs openly. So that’s it. Let him know what you like. Show him with your hands. Tell him what you want to hear. Show him a character from a show whose dominant sexual personality appeals to you. Guide him. Treat him how you want to be treated sometimes and let him know you’re modelling the behaviour. I think it’s important to remember that when we ask for something different, we’re not disparaging what came before that. And we need to be open to new asks too. When our partner wants something new, it doesn’t mean they want to discard all that is old. It’s an addition — not a substitution and it’s not a zero sum game. That’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for listening!
44 minutes | 3 months ago
Polyamory, Toxic Monogamy, & Ethical Non-Monogamy: What Therapists & Practitioners Need to Know
Kevin Patterson & Dr. Liz Powell join us to talk about their new course, Unf*ck Your Polyamory Pro — for both individuals, couples, groups and professionals. They discuss shame, stigma, stereotypes, metamours, toxic monogamy, hierarchies, comparison and lessons that we can all learn from — regardless of whether we consider ourselves monogamous, ethically non-monogamous or otherwise inclined. Follow Dr. Liz on Twitter & Instagram. Follow Kevin on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. To learn more about the We-Vibe Tango X that Jess referenced in this episode, click here. This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
46 minutes | 3 months ago
Dating with Herpes: Disclosure, Stigma & Healing
Courtney Brame founded Something Positive for Positive People after his own herpes diagnosis and through his non-profit and podcast, he shares real stories and resources for people with positive STI diagnoses. He joins us to discuss shame, stigma, dating, suicide prevention and more including: How he felt when he was first diagnosed How he navigated the dating world post-diagnosis How people respond when he shares his positive status How to disclose to a new partner How herpes serves as a compass for the body and self-care The costs of herpes jokes How we can reduce the shame and stigma How to build a support system after a diagnosis Check out the Something Positive for Positive People Podcast. Follow Courtney on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter. This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
44 minutes | 4 months ago
Somatic Therapy, Sexual Healing & FGMC
Somatic therapist, Farzana Doctor, joins us to discuss her latest novel, Seven. She shares her own story as a survivor and an activist and discusses the role the body can play in healing. She also sheds light on the practice of female genital mutilation and cutting, which occurs in all corners of the globe, including North America. We discuss somatic therapy, labiaplasty, and the perils of white saviorism as well as her journey of healing post trauma. Follow Farzana on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Use code DOCTOR25 for 25% off Seven at Durban Publishers! This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
44 minutes | 4 months ago
Yoga Nidra, Rest & Sleep Habits: How They Affect Sex & Relationships
This week we explore the research that connects sleep and rest with sex and relationships. Dionne Roberts joins us as we discuss: How your sleep affects your connection and conflict How Yoga Nidra can be used to address sleep deprivation and improve relationships Sound baths How to reduce stress in the name of overall health and happier relationships How to let go of the mindsets that cause stress and hinder relaxation Follow Dionne on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. It’s not too late to sign up for her Rest & Digest Virtual Retreat happening today! Check out her Youtube channel, and let her walk you through one of her Yoga Nidra practices below! This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
37 minutes | 4 months ago
Overcome Shame & Oppression in the Name of Self-Love & Pleasure
How does a survival mindset affect sexuality? How does history and oppression shape sexuality for Black women? How do you learn to love your body and give yourself permission to embrace pleasure? How do you really fall in love with yourself? How does code switching affect sex and relationships? How do we unlearn embedded messages that hold us back in life and in love? Community Psychologist and Sexologist, Author and Professor Dr. Hareder McDowell joins us to share her experience and insights. Follow Dr. McDowell on Facebook and Instagram. Follow P.R.E.T.T.Y. INC. on Instagram and Twitter. And if you need to do some belated holiday gift shopping, use code DRJESS for a small discount on Womanizer products! This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
42 minutes | 4 months ago
G-Spots, G-Zones & Squirting
This is your ultimate guide to the G-Spot, G-Zone, ejaculation, squirting and more! We answer all of your questions including: Can everyone have a squirter orgasm? How do you learn to squirt? What is the G-Spot and what is the G-Zone? Is there a difference between squirting and ejaculation? What is a squirter orgasm? Can you ejaculate without having an orgasm? How can you stimulate the G-Zone? What are the best toys for G-Zone stimulation? What toys can help you to squirt? Does the volume of ejaculate relate to the intensity of the orgasm? And much more! To learn more about the products that can potentially stimulate the g-spot, check out the Womanizer Duo, the We-Vibe Rave, Crave’s Flex Vibrator, and the We-Vibe Nova 2. This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
27 minutes | 5 months ago
The Best Gift Ever! It’s Free & Last-Minute Friendly
There is almost nothing better than sharing how you feel about your partner, and this “dating profile” gift is a simple, but powerful gift that keeps on giving. This week, Jess’ cousins Annabella & Denise join us to share this homemade, no-cost, gift: A dating profile written for a loved one. Jess also shares one she wrote for her Mom, and Brandon and Jess share one another’s. We encourage you to try this one yourself and let us know how it goes! Rough transcript of the podcast below: Welcome. It’s the end of the year and there is no better time to check in with your health. And our partner LetsGetChecked lets you do all of your health testing from home — from hormones to thyroid to STIs to cholesterol to iron to lime disease — test from home, send it in and get secure results online. Go to LetsGetChecked.com and please use code DRJESS to save and to let them know you heard about their services here. Last year around this time, Brandon and I did an exercise based on a 2017 article in the NYT entitled, ‘You May Want to Marry my Husband‘ by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. In the piece, which she wrote from her deathbed, Rosenthal writes about her husband’s many appealing qualities as though she is writing his dating profile. Now back in 2017, I was away on a long business trip and I read her article on a plane — I was messy crying the whole time. She sings his praises after 26 years of marriage and she passes away 10 days later. I was so moved by the piece and inspired that I used it to write Brandon’s dating profile — just in point form and I sent it to him via text and of course, we both ended up in tears. And so I ended up using the column as inspiration for a group exercise. I was working with a group of couples in Prague and I asked them to to read Rosenthal’s column and then write a dating profile for their partner as a reminder of why they love them and to help reignite the passion. Every participant (and even their two Czech translators) struggled to contain their tears as they read the article and made a list of their partners best qualities. When they were done, they reported feeling more present, grateful, in love and intimate with their partners. The shift of energy in the room was palpable and they were grateful that I excused myself so they could bask in the afterglow without my clinical interference. So last year on the podcast, Brandon and I redid the exercise. I wrote his dating profile, he wrote mine and we shared them with each other on the podcast. We’re going to briefly read these and you u can definitely go back and listen to that episode now (it’s Episode 89) to listen to our reactions, but this year, I wanted to try something different. I want to try this process for other folks we love in our lives because the expression of love, of course, extends far beyond romantic or intimate partners. So I’ve written my mom’s dating profile, which I’m going to share. And my cousin Anna is here and she has written her mom, Denise’s profile. And they’re both joining us now. Anna’s dating profile for her Mom, Denise: There’s a lot to be said about my Mom which needs more than five minutes. A quiet, calm, strong base of the family. The best listener, and because of that – the best advice giver. She’s so understanding it’s annoying. She has this ability to see all sides even when tensions/emotions are high, and speak rationally about it. She always helps me from cakes to school work. She always gives her time, her emotional capacity, she ALWAYS cares. She gives the best hugs. She’s funny in a nice way, she doesn’t pick on people for jokes. She’s quirky. She’s able to enjoy the moment so well. She’s dedicated and hard working. She’s graceful like the fairytales. She has a crazy amount of patience even when you don’t deserve it. Her baking and cooking 🙂 And she loves to share that love. I also wrote my Mom’s dating profile (she’s the best): Bubbly and full of life. You can feel the energy sweep into the room — and you can hear it, which you will love! The definition of graceful aging. Always the cutest even though she’s never really trying. A really good Mom. If I ever have a kid, I hope they learn as much from me as I have from her. Her pearls of wisdom continue to carry me through life. No ego. Really just comfortable with herself and this is such a big part of what makes her shine. Willing to keep learning and growing. As a septuagenarian, this says a lot about how open her mind continues to be. And even though she talks a lot, when it comes to the serious stuff, she really is willing to listen. Chinese by heritage and Jamaican by birth and upbringing, now a Canadian, she blends the best of so many cultures into one, you’ll be thankful for more than just her cooking. But damn can she cook and bake — curry, focaccia, raisin bread, lasagne, protein balls, fish, meat, veg, she can do it all. You’ll be spoiled in your belly, heart and soul. And I’ll share the one I wrote for Brandon once again: Hilarious funny man who can make kids, college dudes, a room of executives & old ladies laugh-out-loud alike. Kind and compassionate. Cares about every soul on this planet – even bugs. Will spend every day working to woo & keep you. Always willing to grow and change. The most committed and supportive partner one could imagine. Fit, handsome & dedicated to aging gracefully. Hard working. Ambitious. But cares about people more than the bottom line. Eager to please. Willing to push his comfort zone for love. Humble. He really has no clue how amazing he is. Will inspire you to be a better person. And B also wrote one for me: A dangerously smart, funny and adventurous woman in search of a partner who absolutely loves life. She wakes every day with a smile on her face and goes to bed (reluctantly, for fear of missing out on a party) with an excitement for what the next day will bring. Her athleticism will impress you, and even more so when she throws a 30 yard, tight spiral while rocking 5-inch heels and dress. She is an absolute knockout. Every curve perfectly created, skin smooth as silk, deep brown eyes that will captivate you and express a sense of empathy and care for others that cannot be matched by anyone. She is a giver. Whether food or drink, clothing, gifts or the last bite of a Sea’s chocolate. Be prepared to always warm her hands and feet because she even gives away the heat her body produces. Did I mention she can cook and bake? You’ll learn to savour and enjoy every bite of food (and life) if you’re lucky enough to call her your partner. She’ll teach you about empathy and how to challenge societal norms. She’ll inspire you to work hard and to enjoy every dollar you earn. She’ll plan for you, take care of you, tend to you and work with you to schedule an exciting life you never dreamed possible. You’ll fall deeply in love with her and won’t be able to picture your life without her. You’ll learn that if only every person could feel as important and cared for as she makes you feel, the world would be a better place. You’ll live your life fearful of the day you’ll be eternally apart because without her, nothing else matters. If you want to try it at home, here are the brief guidelines: 1. Read the article, ‘You May Want to Marry My Husband‘. 2. Jot down notes for a loved one’s dating profile considering the following areas: personality, hobbies, attitude, profession, disposition, appearance, endearing idiosyncrasies, habits, parenting style, community involvement, family role and anything else that makes them wonderful. Don’t get hung up on the language — just let the words flow. 3. Share with your partner and soak up the positive affirmations. Thank you so much for tuning in throughout 2020. Wishing you a peaceful, healthy and restful holiday season with lots of love. XOXO This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!
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