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Seniors' Care Matters
30 minutes | 7 months ago
12. Reset Your Energy through Self-Care with Elizabeth-Leigh Bradley
In today’s episode, Elizabeth-Leigh shares valuable ways to avoid stress & burnout with simple daily self-care practice. In this episode: Elizabeth-Leigh and I talk about a topic that’s especially relevant today, as we all grapple through this pandemic, and the emotional turmoil this has created. Hear more about: Taking the edge off for leaders and caregivers who are used to being ‘the voice of calm’ How self-care includes building your support system outside your immediate family Ways to bring joy back into your life (that fits in your schedule) and how to break down mental barriers Guest Info: Elizabeth-Leigh Bradley, Motivational Speaker, Creator of The Balanced Care System, and Chief Motivational Caregiver, is the founder of Every Day Caregivers, a company built exclusively to support the psychological health and wellness needs of caregivers. As a result of her own long-distance and long-term family caregiving experience, Elizabeth-Leigh has poured her 20(+) years as a family therapist, chief clinical officer, educator, and national trainer into the creation of The Balanced Care System. She is committed to ensuring no other caregiver, whether one is a family member or a professional caregiver, has to go through an experience like the one that nearly ended her life. Learn more about Every Day Caregivers at https://everydaycaregivers.com/. Resources: You can connect with Elizabeth-Leigh here: — EverydayCaregivers.com — LinkedIn — Instagram (@everydaycaregivers) — Facebook (@elizabeth.leigh.bradley.edc) Want to support us? Love this podcast? Please tell your friends and colleagues, share our posts, or take a moment to review us and subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or where you listen to the podcast! We are extremely grateful for your support. Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX Transcript: Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod Network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now, here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): I had the pleasure of being on a panel for the Pioneer Network with other family members who have had, or currently have loved ones living in a seniors’ care home. And this is where I met today’s guest, Elizabeth-Leigh Bradley. First, I’m going to share her bio info with you. Elizabeth-Leigh Bradley is a motivational speaker, creator of the balanced care system, chief motivational caregiver and founder of everyday caregivers- a company built exclusively to support the psychological health and wellness needs of caregivers. As a result of her own long distance and longterm family caregiving experience, Elizabeth-Leigh has poured her 20 plus years as a family therapist, chief clinical officer, educator, and national trainer into the creation of the balanced care system. She is committed to ensuring no other caregiver, whether one is a family member or a professional caregiver, has to go through an experience like the one that nearly ended her life. I’ll have a link to her website in the show notes, Elizabeth-Leigh works to support caregivers, both unpaid family caregivers, as well as people like you, who are caregiving in your professional roles and seniors care. Deb (01:48): And I think there’s one thing that both types of caregivers share, as an opportunity for expansion. And that is self care. I remember when I was in the midst of caregiving with my husband Ty, while he was receiving home care and then moved into long term care and people would say, “you really need to practice better self-care.” And it would make me nuts because I was hanging on doing my best to white knuckle through it all. And I had absolutely no idea what they meant or where to even start. And I also hear from my clients about the overwhelm and the burnout symptoms that are being experienced. Caregivers need self care, and here’s the good news. Elizabeth-Leigh shares some really easy, practical ways to sneak these into your days. It kind of makes me think about how some parents sneak vegetables into the spaghetti sauce, kind of like that. Deb (02:49): Take it from someone who’s learned the hard way, and from a therapist who also knew better from her practice and learned the hard way through experiencing the emotional exhaustion and figuring out a way to save herself and support her caregiving clients, both the family members and the professional caregivers. Sometimes breakthroughs come in baby steps and taking just one idea and playing with it can help you to breathe a little lighter and lessen the load that you may be carrying just a bit. So you can build your bandwidth… one baby step at a time. I hope you enjoy this conversation. Intro/Break (03:34): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life, podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network, coming soon. Deb (03:50): Hi, Elizabeth-Leigh, welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters. I’m really looking forward to this conversation today. Elizabeth-Leigh (03:55): Well, hello. Thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to be here. Deb (03:59): Yeah, well, I was so pleased to be had the opportunity to be a panelist with you for the Pioneer Network, where we got to participate with a few other family members and really speak to the family member experience for those families who have loved ones living in seniors’ care. And when you talked about your background and how you formed your organization and your experience as a family therapist, I thought this could be a really interesting conversation for us to have, as it relates to self care for people who work in seniors’ care. And particularly as we’ve gone through the first wave with COVID this year in 2020, the expectation of a second way and when and how hard that’s going to be. People working in seniors’ care are already feeling some burnout. So, I would love to have a conversation with you as to some ways that they can find a little bit of self care in their day. Elizabeth-Leigh (04:59): Sure. And I am ecstatic to talk about it. When I started Everyday Caregivers, I started it to reimagine self care for the caregiver. I had no idea to the extent we were going to have to reimagine it, given COVID and its impact on everybody. So we are all in a time where we’re relying and needing to lean on one another. And I’m excited that you and others that were part of that panel, the Pioneer Network with that, we’re starting to have those conversations because we haven’t, unfortunately, haven’t even begun to scratch the surface when it comes to understanding how COVID is impacting our mental health. Deb (05:46): So what are you finding with the clients that you’re working with? What are some of the key patterns or concerns that you’re seeing? Elizabeth-Leigh (05:55): Well for sure stress, anxiety, depression, PTSD, there’s a lot of, all of that happening all at once. And what’s different about that while those, that language, those words are not new for anybody, the way that they’re happening and they’re happening all at one time together is really overpowering. And so I find people really leaning into that in a way that is causing them additional panic and concern about how am I going to get through this? Whereas before maybe the questions were, you know, how is it that I can do both …care for my loved one, care for myself, do my job, you know, they were pretty siloed in their own categories. And yet with COVID, they’ve all been squished in together. And so the language around self care is really, really impacting things. And I, I find myself going back to how and why I even started Everyday Caregivers because I’m a family therapist by training. And when I initiate it was called up, right. I like to say that I was called up into service, right. I had been my family’s caregiver for so many years that it really was second nature to me. it wasn’t something that I was like, ‘oh my gosh, what did I do?’ I kind of like, all right, here we go. You know, let’s make this happen. And through that, I was so surprised how my own mental health deteriorated. And as a result, I created everyday caregivers and my Balanced Care System. But when COVID hit, I found myself going through that roller coaster of emotion that I had experienced over a 15 year time period, caring for my family within weeks. Right? So you’re riding this rollercoaster that is going higher and lower. Whereas before you were just kind of riding the wave, if you will, of all of those emotions with COVID, you are experiencing sharp peaks and sharp valleys. And that is really new for people that’s something that is scaring people into, further deterioration of their mental health. And, and I’m concerned because they’re shutting down. Deb (08:36): And when you say shutting down, what does that look like? Elizabeth-Leigh (08:42): Shutting down is really your mind going into protective mode, right? So I need to really just kind of shut out everything else and look at what is right in front of me. That I think is our body and our minds’ natural instinct to do that, right. What do I need to do to survive this moment? What do I need to do to survive this hour? And when we shut down like that, though, we are, what we’re doing is we’re suppressing all of our emotions. We’re suppressing all of our coping skills and how to work through something because it’s so overpowering that we’re not sure if we can work through it. So we shut down. So what that would look like is someone just literally doing the bare minimum to get through a moment, to get through an hour, to get through a day. Deb (09:36): And it probably, I mean, there’s that emotional impact as well as affecting one’s physical ability, right? The problem, assuming things like headaches and fatigue, and as well as just lacking that will to do any extra, is that… Elizabeth-Leigh (09:52): Oh, for sure. You’re going to start to see yourself, If you’re an extremely patient person, you’re going to see that kind of taper off a little bit. You may find yourself getting really reactive to things that are not usually something that you’re reactive to. You will find yourself creating physical ailments, as you said, headaches, fatigue, um, maybe even anger, right? The language that you may use is going to be different, maybe a little sharper than usual, or maybe a little trite, triter than usual. And it’s going to manifest in some way, right? Our emotions, our feelings are how we take in what is happening to us manifest in some way. So when we suppress our usual way of kind of working through different situations and we kind of shut down, it finds new ways to manifest itself, which can be alarming in and of itself, for sure. Deb (10:53): When, as you’re describing that, I’m thinking about leaders. So an Administrator, Director of Care, Director of Nursing, people that are on a management team working in a seniors’ care home, and they’ve got their own personal challenges, as all human beings do. And then they have staff who are dealing with their personal challenges and in the work environment, and the anticipation of this next wave, the amount of pressure because leaders are looked upon to lead and be that voice of calm and reason and direction and confidence and all of those things. And just like when you described how people are less patient, I think we can see that anywhere we go from driving to the grocery store to a seniors’ care home. Elizabeth-Leigh (11:42): For sure. Deb (11:43): And so it’s what would be some approaches or supports that whether somebody is in leadership or they’re working at a staff level that can help to take a bit of that edge off? Elizabeth-Leigh (12:01): I think first and foremost is to just acknowledge that we’re all in new territory and to give yourself grace to not have all the answers. The added pressure that anyone can put on themselves right now is to feel like you should know what to do. Nobody knows what to do right now. Right. All we can do is rely on our skills, rely on our training, rely on our coworkers, rely on our policies and working together- and knowing your strengths as well as those strengths of the individuals and professionals that you’re surrounded by use those to your advantage. Right. Really dig deep to say, okay, what is it that we have learned from phase one that really helped and, maybe needs some modifications, right. And who has strengths in that area? Okay. Let’s brainstorm now, let’s get together. Let’s figure out how we’re going to maximize our strengths with each other and individually to get through this second wave. Deb (13:07): So really focusing on what’s within your control because the things that are outside of our control, are outside of our control and there isn’t anything we can do about it yet, we spend a lot of time… Elizabeth Leigh (13:23): Isn’t that the rub, right? When the more out of control things are the more we want to control them. And it creates this cyclical motion that goes nowhere, right? Because we’re trying to control something that can’t be controlled. And so the more we do that, the more difficult and out of control it gets. Deb (13:45): Would you like to better connect with your family members, even though there’s restricted visitation protocols in place? To maintain and build strong relationships with your families and think about your new families, how can you create a healthy connection with them, so you can start the relationship on the right foot. I’ve created a free download that has 10 great ways to build relationships with your family members, even during restricted visitation times. Visit my website and click on the link to download ways to connect and build trust with your families during COVID-19 and you’ll get immediate access. And then you can start using these ideas right away to stay connected with your families. Intro/Break (14:31): If you had more time in your day, what would you do with it? Listening to podcasts might not be the first thing you think of, maybe that’s because you’re thinking podcasts take too much time to listen to. But what if there were podcasts designed with your time in mind, podcasts that spoke to you, podcasts that you could listen to in short segments? We’ve put together podcasts exactly like that the qodpod network, coming soon. Deb (15:01): And the other thing, what you said earlier about when people feel shut down, sometimes we can’t really think much past the hour or the day, or a few days maybe, and we’re dealing with those immediate things. And yet there’s an expectation for organizations to have a plan figured out. I am seeing this in the the news yesterday. It’s like, what’s the plan for how we’re all going to deal with this second wave. And yet there’s so much uncertainty around that. So it almost feels like a bit of a push and pull when we have limited bandwidth and limited ability to stay focused. But yet we have to be trying to look one month, two months, three months, six months out in what’s a very uncertain time. Elizabeth-Leigh (15:48): Yeah. Get as many people as you can, as many different people as you can involved, right? This is an amazing opportunity to say, we’re going to reimagine how we’re going to operate as an organization, as a team, as a floor, if you’re in a hospital, right. We’re going to reimagine that to the extent that we can, and we’re going to utilize every, we’re going to start looking at people, places and things around us as supports, right? When I work with family members individually, one of the things we work on is building your support system beyond your immediate family, because family members tend to find themselves in this narrow way of thinking that the only people who should or have the responsibility of caring for the loved one is the immediate family. And we work on extending that definition of family to include others. And I would encourage organizations and teams to look at that as well. Who around you, maybe on the second and third tier, can be a resource to you and added support to make sure that you’re operating the way that you want to at the level and the quality that you want to be operating. Now is not the time for our egos to get in the way. It’s kind of like all hands on deck. And so I think if individuals can find their way to being comfortable with that, or at least comfortable enough to explore that, I think they’re going to find that more people are willing to help and support, and help them maintain their operations and their quality of care to others than they originally thought or have utilized in the past. Deb (17:43): Well, and you’ve also indicated that you provide support to the family members who are caregivers and the paid caregivers, people who work in a caregiving profession. And it sounds like there’s some overlap with the kind of advice that you would provide. Like even just what you described, there’s the asking for help in your network as an individual, as well as an organization. Are there other organizations or partnerships or other people that could be brought in to help? And I’m just curious what are some of the other overlaps that you see between the caregivers and the paid caregivers when it comes to providing self care tips? Elizabeth-Leigh (18:28): Yeah. So, like you said, I focus on self care. So self care transcends what role you’re providing in the care of another individual, because we all need to take care of ourselves. But when we’re in those roles that are really emotionally driven and are about the care of another human being and the support that we provide at that kind of intense level can be really overwhelming. So I created what’s called the Balanced Care System, and we look at four critical areas of an individual’s life that typically change as they enter this industry and, or a specific role of caregiver, whether you’re a professional or family caregiver. And those four roles include looking at your functional needs to eat well, right. Healthy, to sleep and to maintain your own personal wellness. So that includes like your medical appointments, but also includes your connection to your peers, your social support system, as well as your family members, because for professional caregivers you are often in a position where you are caregiving 24/7, all the days of your life. Because you’re caring for another individual’s family member during the “work days,” and then you’re going home and providing care to your own family members. And so that kind of on-call duty intensifies the need for self care. So we really look at, how do you make those changes? Because in my own experience, and I also spent about almost a year talking to caregivers across the country and internationally about their experience, simply just their experience. Honestly that whole thing started as I wanted to validate my experience. I was like, am I doing something wrong? Like, am I the odd one out that just needs to figure it out and do better? Right? And what I found was it didn’t matter what role you were playing, that everybody was feeling that they didn’t know how. There’s a bunch of blogs, a bunch of people that say, make sure and take care of yourself, make sure and ask for help. But it seems like there’s this invisible cry that people were saying, I am trying to do both like, how do you do that? So then I spent another year and I relied on my training as a therapist in my work with family dynamics. And I said, okay, can I create something that helps an individual figure out for their own circumstances what that how is, and that’s the Balanced Care System. So we take a look at this first element of functional needs and we kind of break it down and in a guided worksheet kind of way, how do you do that for your particular situation? And we look at very small changes that don’t overwhelm the system, meaning AKA your body and your mind, right? We don’t want to overwhelm you with, you know, throw out everything and start with the, you know, doing everything fresh and new, but how do you break that down in very small incremental changes that over time will have a huge impact. We also take a look at what I call your balanced care priorities. And this came from, again, my own experience, as well as conversations. And people felt like they were losing a part of themselves. Like they were giving every good piece of themselves to someone else. And so we said, okay, what if we re imagined how to do those things that just make you breathe a little bit easier, put a smile on your face, bring joy into your life, or give you purpose for you as an individual. Right? And so we looked at that and I said, well, I don’t want it to be just, you know, make a list of things that you like to do and find time to do them. Right. It’s like duh, if I could do that, I would. So what I do ask them to do, I do ask them to make a list, but I say, let’s take a look at each one and see if we can break it up into time increments. So can you do you know, item number one on your list in 15 minutes? Is there a way that you can bring some kind of joy or some kind of feeling like, yes, I am doing something for myself in a 15 minute time increment. And so we split it up into 15 minute time increments within four hour time, or excuse me, within two hour time increments and something that could take perhaps a half a day. And then we provide again, another kind of guided worksheet of how do you plug these into your life, you know, and you may find yourself doing more 15 minute things, then even one, two hour things are half day things, but we work through together on how do you keep these things in your life in a modified way so that you still see that you, the individual, is not being lost. So those are the two main things and then I provide them guided worksheets on how to break down barriers in a very systematic and methodical way. And then how do you build a support network beyond your immediate family? Deb (23:58): Well, as you were talking about, I love the practicality of being able to create a list with those time elements, because it’s like, if we want to shift our mood, the easiest way to do that is to take action. Elizabeth-Leigh (24:14): Yes. Deb (24:15): Even when we don’t feel like it. And I could imagine that some of the conversations, like what brings you joy, if somebody is in a burnout caregiver role, they may say, I have no idea. It’s been so long since I… So there’s probably a little bit of digging and probing to be able to find something. And even if it’s 10 or 15 minute thing to be able to reignite that, but they can recognize that that is possible. Elizabeth-Leigh (24:39): Yeah. And, and we, I think it’s human nature to be like, I just need a break. Right. I need to take a vacation. I need to be able to walk away. And that’s a really big red flag for us when we’re using language like that. When we’re having conversations like that, that’s just a huge red flag for the extent in which we are experiencing burnout. Right? If you are vocalizing to anybody who’ll listen, I just need to walk away for a bit, I need to take a vacation, I need to get away, Deb (25:11): Run away. Elizabeth-Leigh (25:11): Run away, which is totally normal. Right. Totally normal. Particularly right now, we all want to go away. I think my husband and I talk all the time when this is over, we’re going to go to this destination, right. So that’s totally normal. I work with caregivers to say, okay, how can we bring that into your life? And sometimes a lot, not even sometimes a lot of times it comes down to our five senses. What can we bring into our world that can utilize our senses that can tap into the power of our brain and the power of our physiology for our body that can just bring about a little bit of that relaxation. Sometimes it’s, you know, I have this favorite candle and every time I smell it, I’m reminded of when we went to X, Y, and Z, or this picture of us when we’re on the beach was my favorite vacation. Okay. So where can we put that picture so that it’s in your visual path and when you look at it, I want you to take a moment, close your eyes and just do nothing, but think about that. So kind of take that mental mini vacation. Is it the same as being there? Of course it’s not, but you’ll be amazed at how, what good it does for your brain and your body. Deb (26:32): Well, again, I think it’s focusing on those things that we can control. And by activating those senses, just as you were describing that I was thinking of a couple of items that I have, that it’s some hand cream that’s pretty well all dried up, but it’s in a jar, but when I open it, it still has that aroma to it. It’s just, and I hadn’t really thought of it that way. It’s just that two or three seconds. Elizabeth-Leigh (26:55): Yes, exactly. Deb (26:59): Things that we can choose to implant in our day until we’re able to run away and take that trip, whatever point in 2022 or 2023 Elizabeth-Leigh (27:11): Right. I’m still banking on 2021. We’ll see, we’ll see it. Maybe 2022 though. Deb (27:17): Yeah. Well, we can hope for sure. This has been a really delightful conversation and I just, I love the practicality and I really felt some mindset shifts that could be helpful, certainly for me, and for hopefully for the listeners. If people want to get in touch with you, Elizabeth-Leigh, where would they find you? Elizabeth-Leigh (27:35): Sure you can check out our website everydaycaregivers.com or you can email me. My email address is ELBradley@everydaycaregivers.com. Deb (27:51): Excellent. And I’ll make sure that your information is in the Show Notes. And thank you so much for joining me in this conversation today. Elizabeth-Leigh (27:58): Oh, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it and enjoyed our conversation. Deb (28:03): Awesome. Thanks. Outro (28:08): Thanks so much for listening to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod network. For more information on today’s episode, please check out our show notes and visit www.deborahbakti.com. Join us next week for another great episode of Seniors’ Care Matters.
30 minutes | 7 months ago
11. Breakthrough Your BS with Likky Lavji
In today’s episode, Likky shares how your BS gets in your way – and how to leverage your knowledge of your blind spots. In this episode: Likky shares how understanding and embracing your BS — your Blind Spots — can make you a stronger leader, a better partner and help you achieve much more success in your personal and professional lives. In this episode you’ll learn more about: How limiting beliefs can be major barriers How to uncover your blindspots How to create an environment for open communication and better connection How your style of driving can reveal your blindspots How to use insights from his assessment to empower yourself and your team How reflecting on childhood interactions can create a better understanding of current behaviour patterns How to use your BS knowledge to relate better with others Guest Info: Let me introduce Likky to you. Likky Lavji is a Founder and President of Dante Group, a consulting firm that works closely with growth-oriented mid-size companies. He is also known as the “Blind Spot Navigator”, an in-demand workshop leader and keynote speaker who is passionate about helping leaders break through barriers to unleash their full potential. With over 25 years as a CEO of a top IT company, Likky’s extensive experience in executive leadership gives him a unique perspective that enables him to understand the multi-layers of human behavior and how they impact an organization’s growth and productivity. Likky has been acknowledged by prominent organizations that include Telus Corporation, Lenovo Canada, and Royal Bank of Canada for his ability to create mindset shifts with company cultures that lead to greater shared commitment, elevated results and clients that are more engaged and excited. If you want to learn more about your Blind Spot, Likky has created an Assessment that you can take at no cost. It closely identifies which of the eight personality and behavioral styles describe you the best. You can click on this link to take the assessment at https://likkylavji.com/blind-spot-assessment/. He will also be launching his book soon: stay tuned and follow him at his Social Media accounts. Resources: You can connect with Likky here: — LikkyLavji.com — LinkedIn — Facebook (@speakerlikky) — YouTube — Instagram (@likkylavji) — Twitter (@likkylavji) Want to support us? Love this podcast? Please tell your friends and colleagues, share our posts, or take a moment to review us and subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or where you listen to the podcast! We are extremely grateful for your support. Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX Transcript: Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod Network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips, to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): Perhaps you’ve heard the quote self-awareness is the greatest predictor of leadership success. I actually think self-awareness is one of the best predictors of relational success as well. When we have a high level of self awareness, we are better equipped to relate with others in a healthier way. And yet what gets in the way of self-awareness? Well, one of them is our blind spots. Today’s guest Likky Lavji is a blind spot navigator, also known as a BS navigator. Listen, we all have blind spots. It’s like that saying goes, we can’t see the label on the jar when we’re in the jar yet everyone else can. The blind spots that can get in the way of effective leadership and relationship building can be how others perceive us compared to how we are perceiving ourself and Likky shares some personal stories and insights with learning about his blind spots that created breakthrough results for him and his team. Deb (01:26): Here’s a bit about today’s guest. Likky Lavji is a Founder and President of Dante group, a consulting firm that works closely with growth-oriented midsize companies. He’s also known as the blind spot navigator. An in-demand workshop leader and keynote speaker, who is passionate about helping leaders break through barriers to unleash their full potential. With over 25 years, as a CEO of a top IT company Likky’s extensive experience in executive leadership gives him a unique perspective that enables him to understand the multilayers of human behavior and how they impact an organization’s growth and productivity. Likky has been acknowledged by prominent organizations that include Telus Corporation, Lenovo Canada, and Royal Bank of Canada, for his ability to create mindset shifts with company cultures that lead to greater shared commitment, elevated results and clients that are more engaged and excited. If you want to learn more about your blind spot, Likky has created an assessment that you can take at no cost. It closely identifies which of the eight personality and behavioral styles describe you the best. And you’ll find a link in the show notes. I hope you enjoy this conversation. Break (02:41): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network, coming soon. Deb (02:56): Hi Likky, welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters. So looking forward to this conversation. Likky (03:01): Well, Deborah, thanks for having me on here. I really appreciate it. Deb (03:05): Well, you know, blind spots are one of those things that I’ve always been a bit fascinated with, certainly from my years of being a corporate coach and how blind spots can really get in the way of people being able to develop their full potential. But I want to start by asking you, how did navigating, helping people navigate their blind spots become your thing. It sounds like it’s your superpower. Likky (03:29): Thanks. It was honestly by mistake, you know, I guess as I was growing up all the limiting beliefs I had really impacted my life over the years. And over the last couple of years, sitting down and training customers on sales and business strategies, realizing they weren’t able to execute at the end. Not really not getting this stuff done. I just take a step back and say, what’s stopping them. And what’s stopping me from being the person I am. And I really realized it was the stuff I didn’t know. Stuff I couldn’t tell what was stopping me. So I started asking people, what do you see about me? Because you can’t see your own blind spots. So I didn’t know what any blind spots were, but I was asking for feedback – what do you see about me that’s not congruent to my core values. And it ended up being that there was a lot of things I didn’t know about myself. And one of the biggest things was, I didn’t even know how I showed up in a room. I thought I was friendly and smiling and happy. And I was actually told you show up when you walk into a room as pompous. And I didn’t even know that. And that’s mainly because when I walked in, I’d dress up well, but I wouldn’t smile. And I thought I was smiling, but I wasn’t. Deb (04:45): You’re smiling on the inside, just not on the outside. Likky (04:48): Exactly. But I thought I was so that came across as pompous. But these are the things that you don’t see about yourself. Others do. So that’s why I call it a blind spot now. And you know, I had a blind spot for many years about not being able to receive things, not being able to receive the good coming my way. And I didn’t know that. I thought, okay, somebody would appreciate me. I’d say sure, no problems. But I had this lifelong stutter for about 30 years that went away in an instant the moment I started hearing the good people were saying to me. So blind spots affect us in such a way that it’s good or it’s bad. We just need to know what they are. Then we can figure out what they are. Like Deb you and I are both the same style. I have an assessment that details out what that looks like, but you’re a connector, I’m a connector, but there’s seven other styles that we just need to know what other people’s blind spots are so we can communicate with them really well. Deb (05:51): And I’ll make sure that there’s a link in the show notes for the assessment, because as you mentioned, I took it and I’m a bit of a serial assessment person. And I really enjoy taking them because I enjoy that learning and creating that level of self-awareness. I always remember a quote that said something to the effect of self-awareness is the greatest predictor of leadership success. And we’ve all worked with people who we thought, do they not see how they’re coming across? And yet, sometimes what gets in the way is helping that person. You know, I think about that the Johari window where the blind spot and the Johari window is what other people can see, but you can’t see yourself. You know, a simple example is like, if you’ve got a piece of spinach in your teeth, most people will tell you that. But it’s interesting that somebody wouldn’t come up to say, Hey Likky, sometimes the way that you come across as such and such, without you having to ask for that. Likky (06:52): Well, that’s because we don’t create the space for that. We don’t create the openness and the trusting space for people to come and talk to you. Once you have a conversation with somebody and you create the space and you allow them to talk and you don’t defend yourself and you just take that feedback properly, then they will tell you more. So before I worked on this assessment, the way I would ask people to look for blind spots is ask for feedback. Ask specific questions, things like, how do I show up when I walk into a room. Think about some of your own patterns. You know, when you’re, when you’re driving in traffic and somebody cuts you off, what’s your first reaction? Is it anger? Are you swearing? Or are you just thinking that, you know, they may have an emergency they need to get to, there are three different emotions right there. But think about, that’s probably the way you react to a lot of situations in life. Deb (07:50): And there probably is the default reaction, because I think we can choose those situations to think about whether it’s, I wonder if there’s an emergency going on, but if the natural reaction is to have that road rage, then what you’re saying is that that’s an indication of something that perhaps you could work on, or you may not even be aware of it unless somebody is in the car with you and saying, man, like you don’t need to get so worked up about. Likky (08:15): Yeah. And that’s what we need to start working on is realizing what those patterns of ours are and then realizing what the blind spots are. You know, when we’re driving, and I love this analogy of driving, when we’re driving, we’re always checking for our blind spots on a daily basis, but in life we don’t check for our blind spots until we get hit really hard with it. And it could be in a relationship. It could be at work that you’re no longer excelling in where you’re at because of your own blind spots. And you haven’t created the space. Deb (08:46): You know, it’s interesting. I can think a number of years ago in a previous career, I had a manager where we didn’t have the best relationship, but I was always asking for feedback. And one day she said to me, you have to stop being so needy and asking for so much feedback. And I realized that that had such an impact on me that I stopped. My perception was, and as a leader, you shouldn’t be asking for feedback. So sometimes we set people up to not be open or to feel that asking for feedback is being needy. Have you heard that from other leaders? Likky (09:22): Sure. And that comes across in different ways. And you know, when that person said that to you, I wonder what your process was by asking for all that feedback back then. Because you didn’t know about blind spots then. Was it a limiting belief that was in the way that you weren’t sure of yourself, just, you just want to make sure that you are doing a good job. As opposed to feedback you want you may have wanted kudos, but you were saying feedback. I don’t know, but we all have to realize what is the trigger point in our blind spots? What is a trigger point about behaviors? And if it’s a pattern what’s triggering that? And I think about things like, if you’re always wanting appreciation, I would ask a simple question to somebody and say, what was your upbringing like? What was family like? What was family life like for you? Was it a loving, caring, physical touch environment at home? If it wasn’t, you’re going to do the opposite now trying to get that. And you, you probably don’t relate the two. You never relate the two because that’s not the way we’re brought up. We’re not, it’s not a normal way of thinking, but whatever is happening now is based from an experience that we’ve had in the past. Deb (10:44): And so in that situation where that could have been a really rich conversation, then she probably also had her own blind spots as to why she either didn’t like being asked for feedback, whatever her paradigm was that ended up creating a rift in our relationship for, and also a learning opportunity for me to understand your point. Is it feedback? Is it acknowledgement? Is it assurance? And then I think that’s where we have our own perceptions of what – We put what’s good and what’s bad looking for acknowledgement is, or kudos is bad or, and other environments like a sales environment, perhaps they would see that as really good. So it’s interesting the different facets, when you start looking at the person’s blind spot, from whichever perspective. Break (11:37): If you had more time in your day, what would you do with it? Listening to podcasts might not be the first thing you think of. Maybe that’s because you’re thinking podcasts take too much time to listen to. But what if there were podcasts designed with your time in mind, podcasts that spoke to you, podcasts that you could listen to in short segments, we’ve put together podcasts exactly like that. The qodpod network is coming soon. Check out www.qodpod.com for more details. Likky (12:07): Everybody behaves in a certain way based on their behavior patterns from the past. That’s it, we all know that, you know, there wasn’t a manual said you have to behave this way. It was a perception that happened years ago. And I’ll share a smaller story with you. I had an it company for 25 years and in the IT company it was myself and a contractor for the first 10. And we did incredible. It was the best years we ever had. And then I grew the company and we had 14 people. And boy it was a revolving door of staff all the time, and I just couldn’t understand why. And I went through this self development, self awareness process, probably about 10 years ago. And sitting in that course of sitting in that session, I realized there was a moment when my daughter was three years old, we went to Tofino and on the way to Tofino is a small town called Port Alberni. We were having lunch at The Subway with friends of ours, and all of a sudden I hear this door open up and I see my daughter bolt out in the parking lot. And I hear a screech from the car. And you can imagine a parent’s reaction to that point. So I run after her, I pick her up. You never forget that. I’ll never forget that vision, but there was words I said to her, which I forgot, and the words were, I’m never letting you go. Likky (13:41): And those words created a non-trusting relationship with my daughter because I was being a helicopter parent worried about her, about every situation she was doing, but it really wasn’t about that. It was about me saying the words I’m never letting you go. I did that for 16 years. And the moment I realized that I had to trace back and say, okay, when I was three years old, my dad passed away. When I was five, my grandfather passed away when I was 16, my best friend passed away from a car accident. When I was 35, my favorite cousin passed away from a car accident. So my thing was, if I get close to somebody, they’re going to leave me, they’re going to die. So I didn’t trust. So relate this back to my company. I didn’t trust my staff. So when you don’t trust your staff, what happens? They feel not trusted, not worthy. So they left. So they’ve kept on leaving and I’m like, what am I doing wrong? I’m giving them anything they want. I’m creating this incredible environment. But the biggest thing that was missing was trust. And that was a huge blind spot for me. But I had to go back into a process of finding out where that issue trust came in for me. So imagine the leaders that have that right now Deb (14:57): Well, and a lot of times we don’t really know much, if anything, about people’s depending on how long we’ve worked with somebody, their backgrounds and their experiences. And I mean, it makes, makes me feel like we all need to have therapy sessions, right. But to be able to like what you described so beautifully was being able to connect the dots of what was said. And in a very high emotion, intense moment made such a large imprint. And I think sometimes as we grow up, we look back on those things and we try to stuff it down or minimize it and we don’t see the relevance of it and how that shows up. Likky (15:38): We think being human is to ignore the emotions. But when we ignore it and we bottle it up inside, like you said, it very well when we do that, it creates a blind spot moving forward. Deb (15:52): So going back to this assessment that you have, I found it was so interesting because as you mentioned, I came back as a connector and how you describe in this assessment, the potential blind spots was bang on for me. And what came up for me was the people pleasing conflict avoidance. I don’t love taking huge risks. I mean, there’s a certain element of that. And that level of sensitivity that again, I think how people may perceive me would be different than that and how we project ourselves. And, what I found really helpful with this is some of the suggestions and ideas of ways to be able to, illuminate those blind spots. So once we’re aware of it, they don’t have the same kind of power over us. And you mentioned that there are eight? Likky (16:51): Eight styles all together. Yeah. Deb (16:54): So it would, it would really be a useful exercise. And this is a free resource that you have on your website – for teams to be able to do that because I think just like we just opened up and had a conversation about different facets of ourself. And sometimes it’s hard, I think, particularly as leaders to be able to open their kimono in that regard and say, these are some blind spots that I have. But how does this work for you with when you work with teams and they’re able to share each other’s blind spots? Likky (17:27): Well, interesting. So that’s kind of where we go with this. So I used to do strategy sessions with companies and organizations to take them to the next level. And we would do all these events and all these conversations and sessions and annual retreats. But it would just go back to the normal ways we build trust and did the whole five dysfunctions. And we did a lot of conversations, but it would just go back because what was missing is people weren’t aware of other people’s blind spots. They didn’t understand what was going on. So if you, if your blind spot is being wanted, right. Feeling that you need to be wanted. Whereas the controller is, I don’t care about others, I’m about myself. Two total opposite spectrums on that scale that we have of eight styles. If they don’t know that about each other, you’re always going to be in the conflict. You’ll never understand each other. So what we do, what we recommended is everybody in the teams take this blind spot assessment and then learn the blind spot of the other person. You don’t need to change. You don’t need to shift. You just understand where they’re coming from. And nobody’s broken. Please remember that. Your blind spot it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. It just says you’ve got a blind spot. You’re not broken, nothing needs to be fixed. Deb (18:45): I also think Likky it creates a bit of neutrality in it because it’s one thing to be able to read off of this. It’s not like I would just walk into a meeting, go, Hey guys, how’s it going just so you know, I’m a people pleaser, right? But here I’ve got, this is what this report says. And I think allows that ability to then ask for feedback without sounding needy for feedback. Like it’s more specific. This is what it says in my report. Is this something that you would observe about me? Then it becomes a more effective tool I would think. Likky (19:20): Yes, exactly. So you think about if you’re feeling wanted and whereas the controller his biggest blind spot is apt to cut people off. So if you’re talking in your feeling wanting to get some feedback and they’re cutting you off, it’s a total opposite. Like you’re not getting the feedback you need and he’s cutting you off. You’re actually on a different spectrum not totally. All your limiting beliefs are coming into play. But if you’re both aware of this and you’re aware that he’s just cutting off, that’s just the way he or she is, then you’ll just let that conversation just go and not hold that personal. You won’t make any meanings on it. You won’t take it personally about yourself and, or you’ll just say, Hey, let me just finish my train of thought. And then you can continue with yours. Now, a lot of people have a habit of cutting people off that doesn’t make them a controller, but that could be a potential blind spot for them. Deb (20:19): Yes. And the not taking it personally. And probably as you say, out of all the different styles, some may be more prone to that than others, but those are the things that start to get in the way of having healthy relationships. And I feel like this helps people to be just in that more relational, curious mindset to really understand if we all can agree that we all have blind spots and there’s wrong with that, what’s wrong is not wanting, shouldn’t say what’s wrong, but the challenge can be when we don’t want to know about them to make any changes. Likky (20:57): Yeah. Well, self-awareness being self-aware makes you an incredible leader and makes you an incredible partner in a relationship as well. So when we’re in teams, having conversations around our eight styles and the assessment, our ideal team looks like one person from each quadrant. We have the four quadrants set up. If you have somebody from each quadrant in your team, you have a really cohesive team. Now, if you’re missing a quadrant, you don’t need to fire or hire somebody for it. You just need to realize what’s missing. And based on your next hire, you fill that quadrant. So for example, like the analyzers and the stabilizers, right? The people that are always looking for details, if you didn’t have that in your portfolio, you may want to start looking at that. And it will be highlighted in this assessment that that’s missing. Every company needs that. And just like every company needs a motivator. Every company needs a connector. They need a controller because they need to get stuff done. But if we’re all these stabilizers and peacemakers, yeah. Whatever, let’s make things happen. And it’s okay. Don’t worry. I don’t want to rock the boat. Companies are not going to go anywhere. So there’s gotta be a balance of every style in an organization. Deb (22:19): And when I think about the operations of a senior’s care home, there are so many different relationships. There’s relationships with your managers. So the PSW is reporting into the registered staff. You’ve got the management staff and the residents and the families, and a big area of my focus is that relationship with staff management and families. And I also, I guess what I’m thinking about Likky is that if I know what my blind spot is, that can help me to not get as triggered, if I’m having an interaction with a family member where they’re really upset. I don’t need to necessarily know what their blind spot is. Likky (23:04): You don’t, you just need to know yours. Once you become self aware of your own blind spots and you were to read the other eight styles, you can peg them into a quadrant pretty easily, right? So there’s eight styles with only four quadrants. So you’ll peg them into which hemisphere they’re in really easily. And then you’ll be able to adapt your conversation because you’re self aware. And this is all about you. It’s not about changing anybody else. It’s not about telling, Oh, you got that blind spot. It’s not about that at all. This is about being self aware of yourself and understanding that other people also have blind spots. They just don’t know it. Deb (23:41): Yes. This tool is to be used for good and not for evil. Likky (23:46): Yes. It’s just like your rear view camera or rear view mirror in the car. If you didn’t have that, that could create some big chaos in your life. So this, this tool here is your rear view camera. Deb (24:00): So when somebody is able to get their report, and I think one of the first things that you recommended is that what you did was to ask for feedback, what are some other proactive steps people can take to really help uncover their blind spots? Likky (24:16): Well, the easiest is the assessment. Just read that. It’ll just tell you, and you’ll be able to relate to it. I think you did that for yourself. Having an inner circle of people that you can create a safe environment and trusting environment with, and have conversations about this and be open to it. That seems to be the best way of understanding how you react to things and how you deal with things. So you’ve got to build that and you have to have that inner circle. Rule number one, do not put your partner in that inner circle because they will call out your BS and you don’t want that. Deb (24:54): And BS is BS and blind spot, right? Likky (24:58): My business card says, BS Navigator. You can call it a blind spot, or you can say BS or whatever you want to say it really is, is honestly it’s our BS that’s in our way. It really is. And we need to realize that and to be the best version of ourselves, we need to know what’s stopping us. Deb, I had a stutter for 30 years because a 10 year old kid said, go back to where you came from. And I hung onto that for 30 years. That kid didn’t mean any bad, any harm by it. He didn’t realize it was going to create a stutter for me. But the lack of trust that I had, the lack of the limited beliefs that I had, that was the catalyst that broke it, but it took 30 years to resolve it. Deb (25:50): Well. And you’ve mentioned trust a few times, and that of course is critical in any effective relationship. And so when I’m thinking about where, so you and I have worked together in various projects and masterminds. And like you say, there’s that trust element and neither of us has authority over the other. So you go into a work environment where now you’ve got your managers or coworkers where people have a vested interest. How have you seen this work in teams like that where there’s different levels of authority and control? Likky (26:29): Yeah. So anytime we do, when I talk about inner circles, I always recommend it’s not somebody that you’re working with that’s a superior or somebody below you. They have a different motivation behind that. An inner circle to is either a coach or a really good friend that you’ve had for such a long time or a mentor that you’ve worked with. That’s the inner circle, but in a work environment, when we do these, we usually facilitate them because people don’t know how to do them. We give them the analysis, we get them to read it by themselves. If they feel confident, they’ll move ahead. But if there is a lot of issue, I say issues, but if there’s a lot of growth potential, and the visions aren’t being met, and there’s a lot of turnover, then it needs to be facilitated. We just come in and we have no attachment. So we just say what the blind spots are. And then we share our stories and show what’s possible. Deb (27:25): Well, and that’s a great point, Likky that you share your vulnerability and that taps into the emotion and the connection, and perhaps for leaders to have the courage to share their vulnerability with their team, gives them permission. Likky (27:42): It does. And I’m going to share a quote with you right now. You know, Howard Schultz. The guy who owns this thing called Starbucks, small, small little venture. He says, I think the currency of leadership is transparency. You’ve got to be truthful. I don’t think you should be vulnerable every day, but there are moments where you’ve got to share your soul and conscience with people and show them who you are and not be afraid of it. Deb (28:11): That’s really powerful. Likky (28:12): It is. And you think about this and you think about the leaders that you’ve worked with, leaders that you see, they feel being vulnerable, shows weakness. Well, there’s a blind spot around that. And they’re not even looking at that. They’ve got to realize vulnerability builds, trust builds, communication, builds relationships. Deb (28:33): This has been a great conversation Likky. Yeah, lots to think about and the opportunity, right? As you talked about reframing, it’s, it’s not about issues, it’s about growth opportunities and that’s what this is all about. Um, I will make sure that your website and the link to your assessment is available in the show notes. And I encourage all the listeners to check it out and take the assessment. You’ll find it well worth your time and where they can reach out to you Likky if they want to have a follow-up conversation. Likky (29:07): I appreciate the opportunity being on here. And I love sharing the story this way of people. It helps people get better. It does help people move forward in every part of our lives. So happy to be part of it. And you’re doing such an incredible job, spreading the message out to everybody. So thank you. Deb (29:22): Oh, thank you. Likky Closing (29:27): Thanks so much for listening to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod network. For more information on today’s episode, please check out our show notes and www.deborahbakti.com. Join us next week for another great episode of Seniors’ Care Matters.
30 minutes | 8 months ago
10. Cultivating Presence with Elaine Sano
In today’s episode, Elaine shares 3 leadership challenges and how practicing presence can help you manage yourself and your situations more effectively. In this episode: Elaine and I talk about three key leadership challenges: decision making, building trust, and being innovative, especially as we continue in uncharted territory with COVID-19. In this episode you’ll learn more about: Using brainpower to build resilience Learning about your brain’s two binary systems, and how to get them to play nice together How accessing the lower brain can be a strong pathway to being more present How to stay out of the drama, and the stress that causes How to practice “presencing” So that you can feel more confident in your decisions, built trust within yourself and others, and tap into your creativity so you can be more innovative. Guest Info: Elaine’s consulting and coaching experience harnesses over 20 years practicing as a Naturopathic Doctor. She implements a unique creative process that intersects science, relationship and contemplative wisdom. Elaine’s design is a synthesis. Quantum Science, Systems Theory, and Eastern Philosophies become her lens to the emergent ﬁeld. It is an inquiry-action approach that opens the possibility for alchemical change. Individuals reorient their mind & body ﬂow of energies to the sate of presence. The value becomes foundational for conﬁdent choices, innovation and clarity of purpose. Clients include executives & teams from Deloitte, Gillette, PWC, EY and professionals of the Artistic, Scientiﬁc, Financial, Legal, Global Not For Proﬁt Sectors. Elaine’s speaking titles include: Resilience, Mindful Leader, The Zen of Power, The Currency of the Heart and The Art of Listening. Her academics include an Honours Degree in Psychology, and Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine; her research has been published in the Journal of General Psychology. Her continuing studies include Organizational Relationships & Systems Coaching (ICF Certiﬁcation) and Mindfulness. She recently completed a 6 year apprenticeship in Shamanic & Contemplative Sciences of both East and West. Elaine sits on the Board of Camphill Communities, ON: an Anthroposophical lineage of communities for individuals living with diverse disability. Resources: Elaine’s Contact Info: —ElaineSano.com —LinkedIn Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new Seniors’ Care Matters podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX Transcript: Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod Network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): I remember growing up and my dad had two favorite sayings. One was, well, you get freedom with responsibility, which I think was his way of saying no to things. And the other was – just be in the moment. And that was usually when I was complaining about something not going my way or worried about some upcoming event, not going my way. And that was when life was much more simple than it feels now. I think we could all do with a little bit more presencing. This is a term I hadn’t heard of before, until my conversation with today’s guest. I do believe that much of our power lies in our presence. Our ability to really be in the moment and notice what’s going on for us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and be able to push aside the uncertainties worries, distractions and anything else that pulls us away from being present. Deb (01:29): Elaine shares what she’s hearing from leaders that she works with as to what the three areas of challenge are that they’re looking for support. And all three can be supported with cultivating presence. Elaine brings her naturopathic knowledge and Eastern philosophies to this conversation in oh, such an elegant way while also being practical. What she shares as a means to ground yourself so that you can be a more effective leader, partner and human being are simple yet profound. Here’s a bit about today’s guest. Elaine Sano’s consulting and coaching experience harnesses over 20 years practicing as a Naturopathic Doctor. She implements a unique creative process that intersects science relationship and contemplative wisdom. Elaine’s clients include executives and teams from organizations such as Deloitte, Gillette, PWC, and EY. Her academics include an honors degree in psychology and Doctor of Naturopathic medicine. Her research has been published in the journal of general psychology and her continuing studies include organizational relationship and systems coaching and mindfulness. I hope you enjoy this conversation Break (02:54): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live best life podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network, coming soon. Deb (03:09): Elaine, welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters. I’m so looking forward to this conversation. Elaine (03:13): Me too, Deb. Thanks for having me. Deb (03:16): Yeah. So you work with leaders on a daily basis at various levels of leadership. And I’m curious to hear what are the challenges or the concerns that they’re bringing to you, that you’re able to support them with. What are some of those emerging trends that you’re seeing? Elaine (03:34): I would say there are a few emerging trends that I’m seeing Deb and the first one being the leader’s capacity to make a decision with confidence, with some of the pieces of data and markers that would normally anchor them in making a decision dissolving or collapsing or being disrupted or changing so quickly, then it becomes a case of the leader sort of in a constant state of pivot. You know, what do I use to help center me to make a good decision with confidence? I think there are a couple of other things that I’m really noticing and, and they probably bridge in with some of your work around relational versus transactional. And that is, that this sense of trust within the leader and the leader in the organization. And and that, that is so important when things are moving around constantly and changing and shifting that the engagement with everybody in the organization needs that sense of trust so that it can kind of lean in and and feel a sense of security. I think the third thing that I’m seeing over and over is how to make a new solution, so innovate and come up with a new solution to a problem that is completely brand new. And moving that with that as seamlessly as possible. Those would be sort of the top three that I’m seeing. Deb (05:28): Well, that makes so much sense. I think when it comes to decision making and I’ve, I’m hearing that with my clients as well, is that the stakes have been raised exponentially when it comes to making the right or the best decision with not having all of the facts. And like you say, the data points are not always as clear as perhaps they would have been perceived to be in the past and seems to be more under that analysis under the microscope. Elaine (05:58): Yes, I agree. Deb (06:01): And so when you’re working with leaders and they’re feeling challenged with the decision making, the second thing you talked about was that trust. So are you speaking to the leaders are lacking the trust? Are they feeling that their team are not trusting them? What, tell me more about what that trust element is. Elaine (06:26): I would say that bridging along with that concept of decision making, there is the capacity for a leader to really trust themselves. So trust themselves in this new environment, and then with that, for the employee to then trust or the staff or the organization to feel a sense of trust with their leader. And I see that as critical to the security, just like we might want in an uncertain situation at home with a parent or a caregiver growing up here, we are adults and we’re looking for a feeling of security when we don’t really know what’s happening. And I think trust becomes a really foundational piece for that relational engagement. Deb (07:27): And then the third that you talked about this problem solving and coming up with creative solutions. Tell me more about what you mean by that. Elaine (07:41): Because business and right down to, how do we communicate with people across the planet when we’re doing this social distancing to how do we resolve, a completely different marketplace and economic situation, is begging us to come up with some innovative ways to resolve that. And I see that as another ongoing trend that I’m seeing leaders grappling with, how do we come up with something that will meet this current new need, in the new environment. Deb (08:20): And I wonder as well, because we can’t see around that corner and anticipate whether it be fall winter next year, what that looks like is how do you know to what degree that you need to innovate that’s going to meet the need at whatever timeframe. I’ve had probably three or four conversations this week, where back in March, April, we were talking months and now I’m hearing years, before having that sense of, and clearly depends on the type of industry and environment that you’re in. So in Seniors’ Care, there’s this, not a matter of if there’s a second wave it’s when, and how hard is it going to hit? So what do we need to be putting in place for that? And going back to that decision making perspective, policies and protocols and practices were changing literally on a daily basis and that constant need to pivot, which is probably going to be the most overused word in 2020, but it describes it so well, you could be facing this way. And the next thing, you know, things have completely changed. Elaine (09:30): Absolutely. Deb (09:32): And so looking at all three of those around the ability to have confidence in the decision making, the trusting of your organization, infrastructure, team yourself, and then this additional pressure of having to come up with innovative solutions, it’s like this, I call it Lead Fatigue. Yeah. And what I’m hearing and seeing with people in leadership positions, it’s almost like they just want to put their hand up and say, can somebody just take over for a little bit? Cause I don’t know which way is up. Elaine (10:05): Absolutely. And sometimes that opportunity doesn’t come because so much is changing. And who do we turn to? It really makes me think because I come with that holistic hat, it really makes me think about the brain and the way we’ve been kind of designed from a very primate level. And then now in the kind of 2020 environment that we live in and what the, as you were saying, risks and costs of all of that. I really think that the basis of being able to be more resilient and in all of those three scenarios that we just discussed is to be functioning with much more of all of our brains. So just like my holistic background with the whole of our brain and where it’s moving in a lot more synchronization or harmony, and that would really call on us to learn some really good solid tools to stay present. Break (11:23): Would you like to better connect with your family members, even though there’s restricted visitation protocols in place? To maintain and build strong relationships with your families and think about your new families, how can you create a healthy connection with them so you can start the relationship on the right foot. I’ve created a free download that has 10 great ways to build relationships with your family members, even during restricted visitation times, visit my website and click on the link to download ways to connect and build trust with your families during COVID-19 and you’ll get immediate access. And then you can start using these ideas right away to stay connected with your families. Break (12:09): If you had more time in your day, what would you do with it? Listening to podcasts might not be the first thing you think of, maybe that’s because you’re thinking podcasts take too much time to listen to. But what if there were podcasts designed with your time in mind. Podcasts that spoke to you. Podcasts that you could listen to in short segments, we’ve put together podcasts exactly like that. The qodpod network is coming soon. Check out www.qodpod.com for more details. Deb (12:39): So I would love to hear you describe when you talk about, we have really need to understand all the parts of the brain and that holistic approach. Can you give us that overview? That would really help us to better understand? Elaine (12:52): Sure. I’ll kind of take a very complex scenario and try and simplify it as much as I can with the risk of oversimplifying, but I think we could maybe think of it as two binary systems. So we have the sort of lower brain or the limbic system, which is like that reptilian brain that we often think about around surviving. And we could divide it into two branches of automatic responses to get us through an emergency situation. And that would be the sympathetic system and the parasympathetic nervous system The sympathetic nervous system, when we’re in that leadership mode where we’re constantly going from one thing to the next it’s easy to get very overactivated. And when it’s overactivated, that system can feel very anxiety provoking. We constrict, and it can be that fight or flight reaction. The parasympathetic nervous system on the other hand is designed to help us sort of rest afterwards. And it can also get into overdrive and the overdrive can look like I’m just flat out exhausted, almost depressed, and it can put us into a state of freeze. When we’re in overdrive, we just freeze up. We almost can’t, we can’t do a thing. It’s almost like a shutdown. So that would be the lower system of the brain. Elaine (14:43): Then if we go to the higher functioning part of our brain, which is sort of the executive neocortex functioning aspect of a more evolved brain, so to speak, we have two hemispheres. We have the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere. And those two hemispheres also work in tandem. And one tends to be more of a rational, linear, logical way of thinking. And the, the right brain tends to be more of the emotive, the body sensory part, and thinks a little bit broader strokes than this linear A to B to C to D. When we are in the scenario of many of our leaders today, where they’re almost in a place of, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just like, I want to put my hands in the air. Oftentimes what’s happening is all of these two binary systems are completely out of sync. So one or the other’s more dominant. They’re not coordinating well. We’re getting more linear when maybe we need to think a little bit more sensory and emotive, or maybe we’re going into fight or flight or absolute freeze shut down. And the interesting thing is that the one route in can be through that lower brain. Elaine (16:19): So the lower brain often has activation on the musculature. So our heart, our lungs, and our gut. And so when a leader is able to access being present or paying attention, starting with themselves, that means that the minute we’re in a scenario and we feel ourselves constricting, so whether it’s our gut constricting our breathing is getting tight. It’s a cue to pay attention. And that may be the, exactly the time where you have – the literature now says it’s about one to ten seconds to make a different choice. So maybe it is just pause, get yourself back into a different state and then reenter and engage the situation or engage whoever it is that you’re working with a more relational kind of a presence. Deb (17:26): And that takes practice. The number of times that we can have seen ourselves go reactive and get triggered by something or someone. And then after be able to say, Oh, I didn’t really handle it that well. And it’s that ability within that one to ten seconds, to be able to notice, create the level of awareness, to be able to pull back and not be pulled into the drama and the reactivity that our primal brain is pulling us toward. Is that how you see it? Elaine (18:05): Absolutely bang on the mark. Absolutely. Deb (18:08): So you need just to provide the magic pill here for all of us. How do we leverage that one to ten seconds and stay out of trouble? Elaine (18:19): Yes. Well, I kind of sort of lightly hold it as take a chill. So in that chill moment, there are maybe three things that we could really do that would support us. And the first thing is to breathe. So when we feel that tightness, you can imagine that the muscles and everything will just sort of loosen up if you take a breath. Some air in just gives it a little more room. And taking a breath, there are so many different versions and ways of practicing breath. But one that I think can be a fast sort of moment to insert in this one to ten seconds is a breath that takes a nice, easy inspiration, but an expiration that’s a little bit longer so you’re really let it out. And sometimes it helps to make a sound. So I’ll sometimes suggest to people that you take a breath in, hold it a little bit, and then as you expire, like make any kind of sound, whatever it is. Elaine (19:43): The second thing that I think can be really useful is to keep your mouth shut from saying anything in that one to 10 seconds, which can be hard. We all get into that instant react mode and we want to just blurt. And generally when we’re in that state, the blurt might not come out from our best place. So keeping the mouth shut can help us to prevent a high cost conversation. Having said that I’m a big believer that there’s an opportunity for repair in any relational kind of engagement. And the third thing I think is, we now know that the brain will help to integrate and coordinate when we use our hands. So the hands could be just simply ringing them, rubbing them together. Or as some of the sort of wisdom tradition suggest it’s putting your hands together. Like so. Deb (21:01): As in together, like almost in prayer. Elaine (21:04): Almost in prayer. So when we see people a little more often in this sort of social distancing or physical distancing, putting our hands together, sort of as a greeting, when we’ve got a mask on, it is a way that the wisdom traditions would bring the energy back home to pay attention to ourselves. And then we can be with more reverence as we engage moving forward. So I actually think it’s kind of remarkable and almost metaphorical that in our pandemic where it starts as a virus, but the virus is almost metaphorical to economic systems, social systems all our kinds of structures that are in place dissolving that what has this virus encouraged us to do, but to breathe, this is a virus that has hit the tissues, the very fine tissues of our lungs. And so the breath of life becomes more critical than ever. So remember to breathe. And the second is to put a mask over our face and that it is part of us maybe helping us to stay within, but also considerate of othering and that the eyes are the part that’s exposed. And I know in your book, Deb Recipe for Empathy, you have experienced some profound things with groups and leaders around the eyes and what the eyes can do to make a place of recognition with another. And that washing our hands has become important and social distancing. And so what if we use the hands to help us pay attention and get present, and put them together with a sense of reverence for other, but also, the social distancing gifts space. And space is really important when we think about the strong medicine we need in this kind of pandemic. Deb (23:23): Well, it’s a lovely way to be able to reframe our reality of our current situation. And what you’re describing is just t taking the things that are the positives. And I love the symbolism that you’ve outlined. And sometimes I feel like when I’m teaching about that being present and the importance of taking a few breaths, it’s like, well, everybody knows that, but we don’t really always take the opportunity to get the power out of our breath. And even recently with some new exercising that I’ve been doing, the instructor talks about taking a breath and actually breathing into your back. And I’ve just found that really incredible because you tend to think about the breathing in the belly and nobody wants to be expanding their belly out typically, but when we’re breathing into our back and the ways that you described it, these are all things that can be done without having to really take any extra time as people have these super busy days, you can be doing that while you’re walking down the hall. You’ve used a term that I’d like you to expand upon and you call it presencing. Can you talk about that? Elaine (24:44): Sure, sure. I think of being present as we said, that capacity to pay attention and really pay attention to what is going on inside us so that we can then interface with the what’s happening in the external Presencing I think it’s more of a practice, just like you said Deb. Presencing is a practicing of really honing this ability to regulate and integrate the brain so that we are standing in a place of more possibility when we need to make a decision when we need to cultivate more trust in our engagements. And when we’re trying to innovate a new solution. And presencing for me, really calls on a different kind of listening. So listening to what’s going on in the mind, in our emotional place, and also what’s what is listening and the deep listening into the plane that is invisible. Reality of the material world that we exist in and is in very important part of our lives, but there’s also a different part of our experience of being alive that is invisible. And that part when integrated in with the the material world or the visible world opens up a plane of possibility to make a new reality, that is far different than if we were just focusing only on the material. And breath is a great bridge in such a simple, simple technique. And it’s a bridge that opens up to all of that. Deb (27:07): Are you talking about intuition? Absolutely. Okay. So that when we get those gut feels or those senses, it’s like, you’re thinking about somebody and then they just sent you an email or have called you that kind of thing. But that grounding breathing calming allows you to be able to be more sensitive and open because we’re all intuitive beings right? Elaine (27:35): You’re absolutely right, Deb. I agree. That’s a lovely way to put it. Deb (27:39): What I’m hearing the opportunity, the opportunity for leaders to be able to practice their presence. And I refer to my book, I tend to think of it as that our power is in our presence and being able to harness our presence to then be able to improve our ability to, and our confidence level of making decisions and building that trust and being able to be more innovative. Elaine (28:07): Absolutely. Absolutely. I actually think Deb, there was almost something prophetic about your Recipe for Empathy as I was going through the pages. Yeah, I really think that that P in RECIPE is a very key part, this being present. Deb (28:28): Well, it’s given us a lot to think about and the opportunity to practice with some really practical steps has been super helpful. If people are looking to connect with you, Elaine, where can they find you on the internet? Elaine (28:41): Sure. I have a website, www.elainesano.com. And my phone number is there. Reach out any time. I’d be so pleased to have a conversation. And if there’s a way that I can support anybody, during all of that we’re going through, I’d be most privileged. Deb (29:00): I will make sure your contact info is in the show notes. Thank you so much, Elaine. Elaine (29:05): Thank you, Deb. Close (29:11): Thanks so much for listening to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod Network. For more information on today’s episode, please check out our show notes and visit www.deborahbakti.com. Join us next week for another great episode of Seniors’ Care Matters.
30 minutes | 8 months ago
9. Create your Calm through Uncertainty with Samantha Fowlds
In today’s episode, Samantha shares ways to help get more calm and manage through our times of uncertainty. In this episode: Samantha and I talk about ways to help ease our anxiety during uncertainty, as well as the power of relational energy In this episode you’ll learn more about: Simple mindfulness practices that won’t take you to a mountain top How to create relational energy that build high quality connections The Happiness Study The Rule of 5 The 1% Rule The art of savouring How to be more like Mr. Rogers Guest Info: Samantha Fowlds is the Principal Consultant of Copious Boom; a consultancy that applies the science of positive psychology to change initiatives in global organizations. Samantha’s career objective is to help people flourish at work so they can bring that energy home and optimize the lives of their families as well. She is in the process of writing a series of articles on how to embed inclusivity into organisations. Samantha’s career history includes work at TD Bank, RBC, Oracle, KPMG, and Zimmer Biomet. In April 2020 The Change Leadership invited her to go first in their 6-week line-up of webcast speakers. Her topic was “Positive Leadership when your energy is low.” In March 2018 she was one of 8 women nominated for the Oracle Womens Leadership Top Women Award (Canada) for bringing positivity to the organization. She would like to give a special mention to a talk she gave for the Toronto Police Services 911 Responders in the Fall of 2019. Samantha’s volunteer work has been multicultural and community based. She is currently a volunteer Journalist for the think tank Ethical Business Building the Future, and she has been volunteer teaching character strengths and virtues to multicultural multifath children’s classes on alternate Sundays for 9 years. She has an MSc.in Knowledge Management and Consultancy, completed graduate courses in applied positive psychology, and holds an ICF accredited Applied Positive Psychology Coaching credential. Samantha offers a free coaching session in exchange for the viewing of a charitable giving receipt. Resources: Samantha’s Contact Info: — SamanthaFowlds.com — LinkedIn Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new Seniors’ Care Matters podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX
30 minutes | 8 months ago
8. The Gift of Stuck with Laura Vaughn
In today’s episode, we unpack 4 different types of stuck, and how to move through them. In this episode: Laura shares an interesting way to look at how we tend to feel stuck, as well as some practical ways to approach each level so that you can find the gift, then get unstuck and move forward. In this episode, you’ll learn more about: The 4 levels of feeling stuck Ways to diagnose which type of stuck you’re experiencing Getting to the root of the stuck through questions A great cooking metaphor to help distinguish your level of stuck Embracing stuck as a gift Guest Info Laura brings 20 years of business leadership experience into the realm of training and consulting in carrythe3 inc. Laura earned her leadership stripes during her 7 years running a $30m business with her Dad and her husband (you can ask her what that was like over a coffee). Laura has a CPA designation, a degree in Music Performance from the University of Western Ontario and a Masters in Management and Professional Accounting from the University of Toronto. She has filled a variety of senior leadership roles, from General Manager to COO and CEO. Today, Laura stays inspired by coaching and training Managers, and carrying high-stakes consulting projects for CEOs. She is on a personal mission to expunge the words unprecedented, pivot and new normal from our current vocabularies. Resources Laura’s Contact Info: — Email — LinkedIn — Facebook — Laura’s 90-Day Manager’s Training Program, called Linchpin. — The balanced manager webinar dates are here: www.thebalancedmanager.com — Visit www.carrythe3.ca for Laura’s recently released eBook, “The Gift of Stuck.” — Link to Laura’s article “What kind of stuck are you?” Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new Seniors’ Care Matters podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX Transcript Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): Have you ever felt stuck? Well, yes, of course you probably have once or twice, maybe even just in the past week or the past day. I think we’re all very familiar with that angsty feeling of being stuck. Perhaps our self limiting beliefs that are rearing their ugly head, or we may be lacking the tools needed to get the job done. Or maybe we just don’t feel like working on a project or we just don’t know why we’re stuck or how to get unstuck. Recently. I was feeling stuck with a writing project that I’d been working on for months and just didn’t know what the problem was. Why was I feeling so stuck with it? And how was I going to get well, unstuck and writing again? I happened upon an article that today’s guest Laura Vaughn wrote called “What kind of stuck are you?” And there it was in black and white – what kind of stuck I was mired in, which then gave me the awareness that I needed to then decide if I wanted to keep working on this project. And if so, what I needed to get back to the keyboard and writing. When we have clarity with what’s behind the stuck, we can then make better decisions about what needs to happen to get unstuck. And this conversation will provide some great insights that I hope will help you feel some freedom and options with whatever it is you’re feeling stuck with right now. Let me introduce Laura to you. Laura Vaughn is a business leadership consultant through her company, Carry the 3. Her company helps leaders leverage their teams, helps carry their high stakes projects and inspires progress in three areas, strategy, teams and finance. Laura has 20 years of business leadership experience, including seven years running a $30 million business with her dad and her husband. You can ask her what that was like over coffee. Laura has a CPA designation, a degree in music performance from the university of Western Ontario and a Masters in management and professional accounting from the university of Toronto. She has filled a variety of senior leadership roles from General Manager to COO and CEO. Laura is on a personal mission to expunge the words, unprecedented pivot and new normal from our current vocabularies. I hope you enjoy this conversation. Voice (03:01): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network: coming soon. Deb (03:16): Hi, Laura, welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters. I’m so looking forward to this conversation today. Laura (03:22): Me too, Deb, it’s nice to be here. Thank you for having me. Laura (03:25): Yeah, well, as I understand you work a lot with managers and we had a conversation a few weeks back and you shared this framework that you’ve created around this idea of when we get stuck and how we can get ourselves unstuck. And we are going to dive into that because I found it really useful and a really interesting perspective. And what I’m finding with talking to my seniors’ care clients, typically administrators, directors of care, other people in management, there is this feeling of overwhelm feeling stuck, sometimes even having a hard time making decisions. And I think a lot of it is just this crazy environment that we’re in this year in 2020. Laura (04:10): I think we’re all experiencing new feelings of stuck right now. I think though that the fundamentals of how and why we get stuck on things are universal to circumstance. I think the circumstances can exacerbate. There are more opportunities for us to get stuck on things that maybe we hadn’t encountered before, but whether we’re in pandemic phase or we’re just in normal day to day, life making normal day to day decisions, we still encounter, we still encounter stuck. Deb (04:43): Well, it’d be great if you can walk us through the four different types of stuck. And I think the listeners will be able to, as you walk through them, identify with maybe one, maybe all, maybe some, and then after the break, we’ll get into some ways to get unstuck. Laura (04:59): Yeah. Perfect. So the first kind of stuck is the easiest one to solve and that’s smart stuck. Smart stuck is legitimately knowing what to do. I mean, we all have probably heard this story. If my child doesn’t know how to bake a cake, sitting back and asking them well how do you think we should bake the cake, doesn’t work. We need the core knowledge before we can move anything. And just to preface it, I look at the four kinds of stuck kind of like an iceberg. So there’s one stuck that is above the surface and the other three are sort of beneath and I move progressively deeper in my conversations with people. So smart stuck is the one that is above the surface. Smart stuck is my son saying, I don’t know how to multiply a whole number by a fraction. By just, I just don’t know how or a manager says to me, I don’t actually know how to do a one on one meeting with my staff in an effective way. I don’t actually know what good looks like. We have to start with a little bit of knowledge. And so because it’s so easy to solve, right? This is where we, we bought the book. We go to the course, we call someone who knows something we don’t. I think as leaders and parents or spouses, whatever role, wherever we’re playing a leadership role, we often rush to that and we make an assumption that smart stuck is the problem because it’s so easy to solve. And we’re so wonderful at giving advice and solutions. This is like, it’s so fulfilling. So smart stuck is the first kind of stuck. And, it’s really easy to often it’s easy to spot and it’s easy to solve. The problem is a lot of times we misdiagnose it. So my son might say to me, I’m stuck on multiplying my whole numbers by fractions, but what actually happened when we sat down to start doing the work, as soon as I started teaching, because I thought he was smart stuck, he’s like pulling out the answers left, right and center. Seven questions later, he’s got six of them right. Smiling ear to ear. He didn’t need my knowledge. He needed something else. Laura (07:22): In that situation, he wasn’t actually smart stuck. He was bored stuck. Bored stuck is a second kind of stuck and bored stuck happens for one of two reasons. Either we’ve been working the problem for so long that we’re actually we’re bored. We have completely lost interest. Like I can’t look at that material anymore. It just makes me sick to my stomach if I have to read that report one more time. We’re sick of it. The other way it can happen is if we’ve overworked the problem. So you might expect if you do puzzles. So if you’re a puzzle doer, you know that sometimes you sit and you work on and you’re looking for that one piece you get up and you walk away. And the moment you sit back down in the chair, it’s there right in front of you, right? So that happens to us all the time. And so bored stuck that’s also a version of bored stuck is just, we’ve been trying to brute force our way through the problem. And really, we just need to give our conscious mind a break, walk away, let our subconscious mind do some work for us and come back. Walking away from a problem is not the same as, as running away from a problem. Walking
30 minutes | 8 months ago
7. Improve your Relationships through Improv with Nancy Watt
In today’s episode, we talk about how embracing an improv mindset and approach can strengthen your relationships. In this episode: Nancy and I talk about cultivating an improv mindset and approach and how that can actually strengthen your relationships. We can only control how we choose to show up, and yet with the intention to connect, we can definitely influence how other people respond (versus react) to us. The improv principle of “Yes, and…” How to accept even when you don’t agree How to shift out of binary thinking through improv How silence can create connection How your brain works with improv Creating an ensemble environment for better communication and teamwork How to break through resistance and embrace adaptability Guest Info Nancy is President of NANCY WATT COMMUNICATIONS, a specialized consulting and creative agency that works with all sectors exploring the social science of collaboration, communication and connection. Using a ‘Pracademic’ approach, Nancy Watt elucidates evidence-based research in an engaging and entertaining way using the tools and techniques of improv honed from her days at The Second City Conservatory in Toronto. This form of experiential learning has been used in diverse setting with a wide swath of clients from marginalized populations to the judiciary, medical school faculty and law societies. In order to capture effective experiential learning, she builds a camaraderie-filled ensemble where the participants learn while laughing. Rated in the top five Leadership Workshops at Microsoft’s global conference for the last four years, NITA’s Communication Specialist and regular at corporate team building events, Nancy Watt delivers powerfully creative and memorable sessions. Her dynamic workshops on communication, leadership and collaboration directly impacts any organization that needs to deal with unpredictability, build mental agility and foster innovative thinking. Her workshops have been delivered to Engineering and Science departments at Harvard University, Princeton, MIT, Rutgers, New Jersey Institute of Technology, University of Toronto, University of Waterloo, and McMaster University. Nancy is busy in the business, healthcare, and education sectors. Her work is referenced in academic papers for pedagogical experiential learning. She’s from Second City’s Improv Conservatory and Sketch Writing Programs in Toronto and Chicago. She has a B.A in Psychology, Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology, is a Certified Improv Practitioner, Diversity and Inclusion Executive Program from Cornell University, and EQ-i Emotional Intelligence Certified. Nancy is writing H.A.P.P.I.E., How to Apply Positive Psychology Improv Exercises Resources You can find Nancy at www.nancywattcomm.com, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Twitter Charles Limb TEDx Talk “Your brain on improv” The book “Gamestorming” Barbara Fredrickson Keith Johnstone Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new Seniors’ Care Matters podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX Transcript Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod Network . Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips, to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:31): On today’s show, we’re going to be pulling back the curtain on improv and how embracing an improv mindset and approach can actually improve your communication skills and help you better connect with people – whether they’re your coworker, your manager, your customers, or your family and friends. And how we can have some fun while we’re at it, and really who couldn’t use a little more fun these days. I met Nancy through a positive psychology program we were taking a few years ago. She had this intriguing presence about her, and I quickly learned how improv was a big part of this presence that she shared with others. Here’s some of Nancy’s bio information, and you can read more about her on her website. A link will be provided in the show notes. Deb (01:18): Nancy is President of Nancy Watt Communications who works with all sectors, exploring the social science of collaboration, communication, and connection. Using a pracademic approach, Nancy elucidates evidence-based research in an engaging and entertaining way using the tools and techniques of improv honed from her days at The Second City Conservatory in Toronto. This form of experiential learning has been used in diverse settings with a wide range of clients from marginalized populations to the judiciary, medical school faculty and law societies. In order to capture effective experiential learning, Nancy builds a camaraderie filled ensemble where the participants learn while laughing. She has a lengthy list of clients she’s supported through teaching and workshops – too long to reference here, and her website has lots of great information about her organization and offerings. Her dynamic workshops on communication, leadership and collaboration directly impacts any organization that needs to deal with unpredictability, build mental agility and foster innovative thinking. Yes, I think Senior’s Care checks off all of those boxes. I’ll have all the links in the show notes. She shares some fascinating research and resources that you’ll want to check out. New Speaker (02:46): In my book Recipe for Empathy, one of the chapters is all about curiosity, and we talk about how improv taps into and develops your curiosity. She shares the “Yes, and…” principle of improv and how it can actually help us to be more adaptable. And having a healthy adaptability quotient is the new EQ (emotional intelligence). 2020 has shown us how important it is to be able to adapt to the constant change in our environments and lives, and dare I use that word to PIVOT when it feels like the rug’s being pulled out beneath us. Playing with the “yes, and…” approach can build your adaptability and even enjoy a few laughs in the process. I hope you enjoy the conversation and are inspired to embrace an improv mindset and approach. Break (03:41): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network: coming soon. Deb (03:56): Hey Nancy, welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters. I’m so glad you were able to join me today. Nancy (04:01): So happy to be here. Thanks Deb. Deb (04:04): Well, I’m really looking forward to digging into your mind when it comes to improv and that improv mindset and improv approach and how leaders and staff in seniors care could actually take an improv approach when they’re looking at how to build better teamwork, how to be able to communicate more effectively. Nancy (04:26): So when we want our teams to build cohesion, or we need them to be more creative, or we need them to build their adaptability quotient, whatever, there are very specific improv exercises that can cultivate because you know, a theory is still just a theory. It’s still just in a textbook. And as you and I know, experiential learning is the best learning. The improv mindset is something that has helped so many, and it has transformed our education sector. It’s helping our medical students. I do a lot of work with physician communication and a ton in STEM trying to teach engineers to communicate better than they do. Nancy (05:12): The improv mindset is one of curiosity, wonder acceptance. The principle of improv is something called “Yes, and…” Yes, and…which means if, when you and I are on stage together, if you come on stage and you create your environment, as your listeners know improv doesn’t have a set design or costumes or props, we make our environment. If you come on stage and you say, Whoa, you know, grab the sails, the storm’s coming in. You know, you offer me the environment that the fact that we are on a sailboat, I yes to that. I agree with that. I accept that that is where we are. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. Nancy (05:58): Acceptance is not agreement, but I accept the reality that has been created. The AND part of the Yes, and… improv mindset is where I heighten, or I add my own voice. And I say Yes, and… Oh, it’s the East wind comin’. They told us about this one that we left or something like that, you know and away we go in this scene. Many people might think that that is simplistic to just Yes, and… to just accept and build, but I promise you, it’s not. The number one reason why miscommunication happens is because we don’t accept the reality of the other. And I dare say why we are so politically polarized today. You know, why we just can’t seem to move forward when we do not, when we immediately have a reaction, as opposed to a response to someone’s reality, I promise you the difference between a reaction and a response is huge and developing your improv skills and co-creating and listening and learning to communicate effectively is all a part of the experiential applied improv process. Deb (07:10): So you talk about that ability to be curious, and to be open and have that kind of, I think of it like that soft energy of acceptance versus the resistance. And I also feel like we can very easily get stuck in binary thinking, particularly when we’re feeling under stress to make a quick decision or we get reactive. And I think of a staff member may be dealing with an a
30 minutes | 9 months ago
6. Transforming Burnout with Jim Damron
In today’s episode, we discuss burnout within the caregiving profession and how to build your capacity to prevent burnout In this episode: Jim and I talk about burnout – how to identify it and how to prevent it, along with: The definition and three main characteristics of burnout The connection between burnout and compassion fatigue How building your compassion capacity can help prevent burnout What we can learn from actors to help deal with burnout How ‘self ignorance’ – or lack of self awareness, unmet expectations and unrealistic expectations can lead to burnout Storytelling (and writing) as a means to building your compassion capacity Guest Info Building off his experiences as a clinician who struggled and succumbed to burnout, Jim Damron learned how to transform the adverse effects into ways to mitigate and prevent it from happening again. With his keynotes and workshops, Jim teaches others how to unmask the symptom and discover the real problem hiding underneath. As a speaker, Jim engages his audience with life-transforming stories. As a workshop teacher, Jim helps participants craft their own story to build trust and foster compassion with others, and as a Life Coach, Jim guides clients to move beyond where they are to where they want to be. Jim holds advanced degrees in Theology and Bioethics and is the founder of Grapevine Academy, an online discovery platform dedicated to helping caregivers grow. He is also the author of Smoke Screening: Narratives to Navigate Caregiver Burnout, is a Respiratory Therapist and is a trained Ethics Consultant. Resources You can connect with Jim at www.jimdamron.com. There you can access his free download “Caregivers Guide to Burnout.” Jim’s book is available here. You can also find Jim on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Youtube. Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new Seniors’ Care Matters podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX Transcript Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips, to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): Today we’re going to be talking about burnout with Jim Damron. Jim is a speaker and a life coach who specializes in topics most people run away from like end of life issues, physician assisted suicide, religious topics, and burnout. Jim works as a respiratory therapist and as an ethics consultant, and he’s the author of the book called Smoke Screening: narratives to navigate caregiver burnout. Jim’s earned six degrees, including three graduate degrees, which means, and these are his words, not mine, that he’s not smart enough to know when to stop studying. Through Jim’s work, he teaches others how to unmask the symptoms of burnout and discover the real problem hiding underneath. This was such a fun conversation to have, even with the topic of burnout. He has such a practical way of approaching this subject with humour and empathy. With all of the challenges that we’ve experienced in 2020, along with working in a high stress environment, increasing our awareness and knowledge of burnout can be super helpful because burnout can be one of those things that you don’t really notice is happening until you’re neck deep in it. And the good news is there are ways to avoid going full on burnout. In our conversation, Jim shares two of the five main causes of burnout that I think you’ll be able to relate to. And a couple of tips on how to protect yourself from burnout. He has a free download called caregiver’s guide to burnout, and we’ll include the link to that in the show notes. I hope you enjoy the conversation. Voice (02:13): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life. Podcasts that speak to you. Podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network. Coming soon. Deb (02:23): Jim, welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters. I’m so looking forward to this conversation today. Jim (02:35): Thanks Deborah. It’s pleasure to be here. Deb (02:37): Well, let’s get right to it because I’m curious to know how did burnout become your thing that you speak about and teach about and wrote a whole book about? Jim (02:48): It’s not probably the normal journey. I’ve always wanted to speak. I’ve been teaching and speaking for better over actually over 20 years. And I really wanted to pursue speaking. And healthcare is my world. I’ve been in healthcare for 20 years. So I started asking colleagues and instructors and people the clinicians on the front line, managers, et cetera. What’s the biggest issue that they face. And every single person, I am not exaggerating. 100% of every person that I asked all said, Oh, burnout, burnout, burnout. And in fact, one of the, one of my friends, who’s an instructor as a nursing instructor said, Oh, I’ve got students that are burning out already. Burning out already? They’re not even in the field yet. I go, I know. So she goes, if I could have something as part of my disposal to deal with burnout, that would be amazing. So I had gone through burnout myself. I just thought it was just one of those things that you go through. Jim (03:55): It’s kind of a right of passage being in healthcare and any field really, that involves a lot of stress. So I started, I went back around and started asking everybody again, have you ever experienced burnout? And they all said, yeah. Oh yeah. And they said it as if it was something as common as getting up and walking down the street. Yeah, of course I’ve experienced burnout. So it was because of that, that I started to dig into it and really try to establish what is underlying all of this and how can I help? And that’s where it all came from. Deb (04:26): Let’s define burnout because you hear people using that term all the time. And is it, they’re tired, they’re exhausted. They’re overwhelmed. What’s your definition of burnout. Jim (04:37): Yes. It’s all those things. First of all, the official definition from the world health organization is, which is derived from research that’s been done for the last 30 years is it’s an occupational phenomenon. And I emphasize that word phenomenon and it’s basically characterized by three things: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, or withdrawing from people – not wanting to connect, and a low sense of personal accomplishment. Now that’s pretty vague, if you ask me. I mean, everybody experiences those types of things to one degree or another and practically every field in every moment of your life almost, but the world health organization recognized it as a phenomenon, not a diagnosis and clarified it as a syndrome. So when I took that and I started to do more digging is I found that most people were defining burnout as the actual diagnosis. I have burnout and I equated it to headache. No you have a headache. The problem is what is causing the headache. So this is a symptom. A syndrome is the definition of a syndrome is a collection of symptoms. Jim (05:55): So if these are symptoms, then what’s causing the symptoms. And unfortunately we just stopped at burnout and said, Oh, well you have burnout. You have this headache. Well, who would do that? If you go into the hospital and say, I have this headache, well, yeah, you do. And here’s a label for you. Okay. What do I do now? And people, and that’s where that’s the problem I kind of had with burnout is people started to treat that symptom so I can treat a headache with some Tylenol and maybe a cold wrap, et cetera, et cetera. But until I get to the root cause of the headache, it’s going to continue. So I said, well, we need to get to the root cause of this burnout in order to actually alleviate or prevent it or even mitigate it. Not that there’s anything wrong with taking the Tylenol and taking this, the remedies to help it. As I say, you need to stop the bleeding before you can fix what’s causing the bleeding, but we can’t stop with just treating the symptom. Deb (06:49): And sometimes when people talk about depression, they say, well, it’s a little D depression or a big D depression. Would you say, could that be applied to burnout? Like you’re having a little B burnout. It’s very short term episodic versus a big B burnout? Jim (07:08): Yeah. I understand that perspective that’s an interesting perspective. And to a certain extent, yes, I would agree with that. But the way I explain it is there’s a difference between saying I can’t do this today versus I can’t do this anymore. So one you could say is a little B. I’m just because of whatever’s going on in my life, I can’t deal with this particular situation at work or anything today because I’ve got too much stress on my plate. So I just can’t deal with this today. That’s okay. We all experienced that. That’s called a bad day or unfortunately for a lot of us a bad week or maybe even a bad month. But the other side of that is if you are honestly saying, I can’t do this anymore, you’ve reached the point where I’m done. I’ve fallen off the cliff. The problem is it’s kind of like that the Road Runner, and this is going to show my age. Jim (08:06): It’s the LooneyTunes where the road runner runs off the cliff and doesn’t realize he&
30 minutes | 9 months ago
5. How to have Productive Conflict with Liane Davey
In today’s episode, Liane shares how to embrace conflict constructively to create better experiences in your relationships. In this episode Liane and I talk about: • The 4 step Validation Technique to shift from unhealthy conflict to constructive conflict • How to engage in reciprocity • Sharing and declaring multiple truths to problem solve more effectively • Embracing the tension and competing priorities while leveraging the conflict clarify and define outcomes • Adjusting expectations while co-creating solutions • How to shift from combative to collaborative through problem solving • Reframe how we see and experience emotions • The key question you can ask to remove judgment and create more space for a healthy conversation Guest Info Liane Davey is a New York Times Bestselling author of three books, including The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Your Organization Back on Track and You First: Inspire Your Team to Grow Up, Get Along, and Get Stuff Done. Known as the Water Cooler Psychologist, she is a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and frequently called on by media outlets for her experience on leadership, team effectiveness, and productivity. As the co-founder of 3COze Inc., she advises on strategy and executive team effectiveness at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, TD Bank, Google, 3M, and SONY. Liane has a Ph.D. in Organizational Psychology. Resources Click the link below to receive weekly updates and stay informed about new podcast episodes! http://eepurl.com/gmA_JX To learn more about Liane, click the links below: www.lianedavey.com Link to Liane’s course “Staying out of the Weeds” Transcript Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips, to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): Today we’re going to talk about conflict and share a different, more productive way to think about conflict, and perhaps even inspire you to lean into conflict, to use it to create different and better outcomes and experiences. I recently had a conversation with Liane Davey, author of The Good Fight, and it was such a great conversation, I’m bringing that interview to share with you here in this podcast. We talked in a previous episode about conflict avoidance as one of those strategies that people pleasers use and how it can end up delaying the inevitable or creating even more issues, when we let things fester and go unresolved. I’m someone who typically prefers to avoid conflict. I’ll bite my tongue rather than tell it like it is if my viewpoint, perception or my truth, as I see it, if I think that will create a debate or a disagreement that will create stress and tension, and just that yucky feeling of disagreement and maybe even hurt feelings. I think it started as lots of things do with my upbringing. My dad had pretty strong opinions and it never worked out well for any of us who disagreed with him or tried to challenge his way of thinking. Maybe that was the era, right? Children were to be seen and not heard. My mother would typically say, just leave it. You don’t want to upset your father. And maybe some of you had a similar experience. Liane’s perspective on constructive conflict gives me hope and perhaps will give you hope as well that there is a way to embrace conflict as an opportunity to problem solve in a more collaborative way – that we don’t have to endure a combative and stressful interaction. We can seize the opportunity to co-create solutions. Liane shares a four step approach that you’ll want to try the next time you’re feeling yourself leaning away from a conversation for fear of it spiraling into a no win situation. There is a way as Liane says to use productive conflict to get your team and organization, and I’ll add relationships with your residents’ families back on track. Here’s a bit about Liane. Deb (02:56): Liane’s a New York times bestselling author of three books, including “The Good Fight: use productive conflict to get your team and your organization back on track” and “You First: inspire your team to grow up, get along and get stuff done”. Known as the water cooler psychologist, she’s a regular contributor to the Harvard Business Review and frequently called on by media outlets for her experience on leadership, team effectiveness and productivity. Liane has advised on strategy and executive team effectiveness at companies such as Amazon, Walmart, TD bank, Google 3M, and Sony. Liane has a PhD in organizational psychology. I hope you enjoy this conversation with Liane Davey. Voice (03:47): You need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network coming soon. Deb (04:02): I think it would be great to be able to share with people who work in seniors care some ways that they could be approaching this, reconnecting and being able to reintegrate the families into the home as well as be able to rebuild that connection and that relationship. Liane (04:20): Yeah, fantastic questions. And there’s no easy answers to any of these things. But one of the things that I think, folks in long term care really have going for them relative to some of my corporate clients, is that in long term care, you’re very accustomed to problems without easy answers. You’re used to no guarantee that things will work. If I think about family members with dementia, you can have a good day where there’s all sorts of positive interaction and a bad day, and no idea what caused one or the other. So dealing with ambiguity and dealing with situations where you’re never quite sure what to expect. The good news is for people in long term care, that’s something you’re very accustomed to. Definitely not true when I’m talking to bankers or folks where things have been much more predictable. So just know that you have it in you. This is how you’re wired. This is what you’re accustomed to. And now it’s a different kind of unexpected outcome and yet dealing with ambiguity and uncertainty, it’s a core skill of yours. So you should feel good that it’s there to draw on when you need it. So that’s, that’s a good place to start, Deb (05:34): Okay. So yes, as you’re saying, they’re hard wired for this. And so, they do work in a, I mean it is a life and death business, long term care home typically has 50% of their residents leaving either through relocation or through passing away. Liane (05:56): And, I think to a certain extent, that’s, what’s been really, really challenging about these situations is, death and, having a good death. Just like we try and have a good life is the business that long term care providers are in. And so when all of a sudden, COVID affects your ability to give someone a good death, it’s not that people in long term care are afraid of death. It’s their business. It’s their unique contribution in the world, but it’s so often about a good death. And COVID for many, has not been a good death. It hasn’t been holding the hands of people they love. It has been dealing with your care provider behind frightening masks. And if people are not fully lucid, then that can be intimidating. So, it’s not the death per se, as it is for most of us, right, who’ve never seen death and who don’t, you know, it’s terrifying. That’s not the issue in long term care. It’s just that the control is taken away in terms of being able to manage that death or have it be as positive a transition as I think most people would and are professionals at making it an effective transition. Deb (07:10): And I think for families, I mean, we understand that the intensity of course in long term care, just because of the demographic and all of the rules and requirements, and yet families are feeling frustrated because they’re not able to be there, particularly if it’s in a palliative situation/end of life. But also to be able to maintain what they would have provided for some family members, the daily care and so this frustration that they’re feeling that they’re not being listened to – hasn’t yet changed what the protocol is. And so therein lies this lack of feeling heard and understood that is contributing to the conflict. Liane (07:55): Yeah. And that’s the number one place to start. So in any conflict, in any scenario, whether it’s at work at home, anywhere, the number one thing you can do to change the trajectory of a conflict from being a very unhealthy, unhappy conflict to being at least a constructive conflict, is to make people feel heard and feel understood. So let’s get to something really practical, which is what I call the validation technique. So when we’re overworked exhausted, stressed out and a family member is telling us their little piece of the puzzle, that seems maybe irrelevant, or even horrible to us that they’re even bringing this up. Our tendency is to want to say, do you even know what I’m coping with right now? Or that is so not what your father needs or any, or whatever we want to contradict. We want to, we want to be heard. And of course that’s the worst thing that we can do. So the first thing we want to do is to try and catch that two second breath. When someone says som
30 minutes | 9 months ago
4. Disappoint More People with Sandy Reynolds
In today’s episode, Sandy and I talk about the benefits of her mantra ‘Disappoint more people’. In this episode Sandy and I talk about that emotion that we want to avoid feeling or creating that feeling in others – Disappointment. And yet, as you’ll hear, there can be benefits when you lean into the idea of disappointing more people. In this episode, we discuss: • The connection between expectations, reality and disappointment • The challenges created when we focus on avoiding disappointment • Shifting your mindset about handling unmet expectations and the importance we place on them • How exercising the disappointment muscle can actually build resilience • People pleasing, and three areas where people pleasers tend to struggle • Ways to step out of people pleasing and work with boundaries and disappointment Guest Info Sandy Reynolds prefers the term ‘learning catalyst’ to describe what she does. She has worked globally helping organizations strengthen their performance by developing talent and getting clear on their organizational values and strategy. Sandy is currently working on a book called Disappoint More People. As a chronic people-pleaser who has worried about what other people think for longer than she wants to admit, she is on a mission to get people to live aligned with their values. Sandy has over 20 years experience in some of Canada’s top organizations, has an MA in Leadership and is a Certified MBTI practitioner. Previous Clients include: Air Canada, Shoppers Drug Mart, Rotman College, St. Michael’s Hospital, World Vision and Opportunity International, to name a few. Resources You can find Sandy at www.sandyreynolds.com, on Instragram @sandyareynolds, and on LinkedIn. Sandy’s free guide and e’mail course “5 ways to disappoint more people:” https://newsletter.sandyreynolds.com/disappoint Transcript Voice (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod Network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): We are going to be talking about the topic of disappointment today, and a really interesting perspective on leaning into and developing your disappointment muscle. Are you a people pleaser? Like, do you like everyone to be happy and to get along? And do you want them to like you? I suspect more of us than we like to admit fall under the people pleaser camp. For some of us, it was ingrained in us at a very young age to be nice and to be likable. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t upset people. Do your best and get along with everyone. And yet, sometimes that people pleasing gene can lead to resentment and frustration and disappointment – emotions that are typically seen as bad or negative. Undesirable. Looking at this emotion and experience of disappointment, I think it’s one that we can tend to have a bit of that allergic reaction to, you know, we just, we want to avoid it at all costs. And there are two sides of disappointment. Deb (01:37): There’s how it feels when we get disappointed. When something that we were really hoping for doesn’t happen like a second date or someone forgetting our birthday or a job promotion or a new job that you really hoped that you were going to land. The other side of disappointment is how it feels for us when we disappoint someone else. Like when we cancel plans that we know that the other person was really looking forward to or missing a deadline that your boss was expecting to be met or telling a family member that their visit with their loved one needs to be rescheduled. I think in most businesses that value customer service, that customer service experience, there can be a tendency to over promise and to try to bend over backwards to make something work. Even though, you know, in your gut, that you may be setting yourself up for failure and creating disappointment. We’re back to that people pleasing. And part of that is that desire to avoid conflict. In today’s interview with Sandy Reynolds, we talk about this interplay with expectations, reality, and disappointment. Her mantra, disappoint more people is something that can sound almost harsh or heartless. And as you’ll hear, it’s not in a, Oh, I can’t wait to disappoint more people today. It’s a healthy approach to maintaining value, integrity, and personal boundaries where we don’t have to be everything good and shiny all the time. Deb (03:20): I think that there’s a bit of an art to this idea of embracing disappointment. Rather than do whatever it takes to avoid it at all costs, there’s something empowering and almost refreshing with this way of looking at disappointment. In fact, it can be a pathway to building resilience, something that is constantly talked about as a leadership attribute and a desired competency to have. I think you’ll find this conversation quite interesting, and it can have you looking at disappointing more people as an opportunity for personal growth while people pleasing less. I hope you enjoy. Voice (04:05): You need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life podcasts that speak to you. Podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network: coming soon. Deb (04:21): I’m thrilled to have Sandy Reynolds on as a guest for today’s episode. Let me tell you a bit about Sandy. Sandy prefers the term learning catalyst to describe what she does. She’s worked globally, helping organizations strengthen their performance by developing talent and getting clear on their organizational values and strategy. Sandy’s currently working on a book called Disappoint More People. As a chronic people pleaser who’s worried about what other people think for longer than she wants to admit, she is on a mission to get people to live aligned with their values. Sandy, welcome to our show. Sandy (04:59): Deborah thanks for having me. I’ve been looking forward to this conversation today. Deb (05:04): Well, I have as well, because when you first told me about the title of your book Disappoint More People, of course it creates this curiosity gap. What do you mean disappoint more people that sounds like how do you do that? Why would you want to do that? And as I learned more and more about your philosophy and approach with this, I knew that I had to have you on the show because in seniors care, a lot of people, they’re caregivers, and some would probably describe themselves as people pleasers when it comes to what their management with their coworkers and with their families. So let’s start by just telling us a bit more about disappoint more people and what you mean by that. Sandy (05:46): Okay. So for me, the whole journey started with people pleasing when I was doing my master’s degree several years ago, and we did a values assessment and came back me that I had a potentially limiting value of wanting to be liked. And I started, I was surprised and I started digging into it a little more and doing some reading and reflecting on how I am in work and in other relationships in my life. And I realized that I made a lot of decisions to make other people comfortable and that I was often thinking about not what I wanted, but what other people wanted and how I could make life easier for them. And that’s not a bad thing. It can be a very helpful thing. It can also be a very attractive quality in a friend or in a family member or a coworker. I mean, everybody likes the person that they can pass things onto, but there’s a real toll that it takes on a person when there are people pleaser. And I started to realize that I needed to learn to get comfortable disappointing people, because as long as my focus was on how I could make other people comfortable, how I could have people like me, because I was making choices that made them happy. I was not making choices that were taking me where I wanted to go in my life. Deb (07:21): Well, and it’s interesting, just the word disappointment tends to be a bit of a trigger for people. And I mean, I know my kids would say, they’d rather that I’m angry with them then to be disappointed in them, even though that emotion of disappointment doesn’t have the same energy as anger. And, I use, I refer to a formula that I read from Chip Conley’s book Emotional Equations, where he says disappointment equals expectations minus reality. But I still share this in workshops and in speeches. And I realized after speaking to you about your approach to it is that I was looking at disappointment as being something that you should avoid at all costs. Like figure out what the expectations are and the reality and adjust them. And yes, there’s lots of great opportunities for that. And sometimes disappointment is just unavoidable. Sandy (08:17): Yes, exactly. I mean, I think we’ve all been disappointed the way 2020’s been playing out. So it’s pretty unavoidable and it is like, I like I do like that equation and I think disappointment has to do with expectations for sure. And that we have that gap where we our reality bumps up against our expectation and we feel disappointed. I think the challenge is when we try to individually be the buffer in there. So we know that reality is going to be a disappointment. So we step in and try to make sure, or somehow cushion people from being disappointed by contorting ourselves into being something that will make life easier for other people and disappointment is going to happen.
30 minutes | 9 months ago
3. The Art of Being with Libby McCready
In today’s episode, Libby and I talk about the coaching mindset and her “Be Buttons” framework to help manage stress and overwhelm. In this episode: Libby and I talk about ‘ways of being’ using her coaching model of the “Be Buttons”. Some of the topics we explore are: The metaphor of ‘touching lightly’ to manage overwhelm and to reset How being curious shifts your energy to be more open and relaxed Self reflection questions to get unstuck and out of overwhelm The layers of listening and being responsive to connect and relate better Ways to be accountable with how you show up and impact others The connection between your amygdala and burnt toast! Guest bio: Libby McCready is a veteran executive coach and trainer. For the past twenty years she’s been focused on accelerating results for professional sales teams, business owners and leaders across industries. The models, processes and programs she utilizes use the sciences of the mind as the foundation for people achieving success. She is currently the head of sales training for a major Canadian corporation. Libby can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Transcription: Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the qodpod network. Each week, Seniors’ Care matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips, to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters, Deborah Bakti. Deb (00:30): As we continue to work our ways through this new normal, while there’s not much normal feeling to 2020 so far, as humans going through this together, we still seek, want and need to connect with others. Even if we have to be masked and appropriately distanced from each other. Amongst all the transactions and policy changes and updates and protocol required, I truly believe we still want to be relational and to be in that kind of relational mindset where you can be open to and looking for those opportunities to connect and to relate, it’s helpful to have ways to be in a more calm and relaxed state of mind. A way to be able to reset and feel better prepared to deal with and respond to all of these many challenges that we’re facing. Deb (01:27): And you may be thinking, are you kidding me with everything we have going on in our homes particularly now? Well, I think it’s about saying yes, and… Yes, all of this is happening. And…the good news is we all have these micro opportunities every day to choose behaviors that can support us – to be intentional with how we choose, to think, feel, and behave in any given moment. In today’s episode, Libby and I talk about BEING and her framework with the three ways of being, which is rooted in her training and experience as a leadership coach. One of the three approaches we discuss is about being curious. In my book Recipe for Empathy, one of the chapters is called “The Question Connection” and we discuss how being curious can cancel out judgment and binary thinking. Something that can get us triggered. And speaking of triggered, she shares a really interesting way to think about something that triggers us so that you can reframe and choose to either react or respond. I think you’ll find it really useful next time you feel triggered by something or someone. I hope you enjoy the conversation as much as I did and are able to take away some helpful approaches as you continue to be relational and connect with your team, your families and your residents. Promo (03:00): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life, podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the qodpod network, coming soon. Deb (03:14): I’m really excited to have Libby McCready as our guest on today’s podcast. Libby is a veteran executive coach and trainer. For the past 20 years she’s been focused on accelerating results for professional sales teams, business owners, and leaders across industries. The models, processes, and programs she utilizes use the science of the mind as the foundation for people achieving success. She’s currently the head of sales training for a major Canadian corporation and I’ve known Libby – I was trying to do the math and I think it may be longer than both my kids have been alive. And we met at a conference. We both got our coaching certification at the same school, and I also have the distinct pleasure of being in a mastermind group that Libby is leading. So Libby, I’m so happy that you agreed to come on and have this conversation with us today. Libby (04:12): Well, thank you Deb. I mean, it’s super exciting to be here and to be able to talk on this subject and share some thoughts and ideas with you. I mean, I’m sure that you and I could do this all day long. Deb (04:25): Yes we could. And I think the other interesting point to note is that you are a family member. Your mom lives in a long term care home in the town where you reside, right? Libby (04:36): Yes she does. She’s been there about seven years. Post-stroke. Deb (04:40): So, we’ve talked a bit about your experience as a family member and certainly some of the experiences that I had with my husband, my mom and my dad, I know that you’re really committed to helping support leaders and people who work in seniors’ care. And it’s no surprise, being a family member that it’s been a really, really tough last few months, particularly because of the Covid crisis and restricted visitation and people in general, and I’m going to say specifically in seniors’ care are feeling a bit tired, warn down, a bit beaten up – lots of negative media. We are still in the thick of things, the level of uncertainty and unpredictability. And I know that you work a lot with leaders dealing with similar issues when it comes to being able to shift the mindset. To be able to continue focusing on the things that matter. So we think about how sometimes staff maybe feeling a bit down or unmotivated, or just stuck with where they are. Let’s start there and get your thoughts on how that could – you could help shift them with that. Libby (05:52): Well, sure. I mean, I think the first thing that I want to say is thank you to everyone who works at every senior’s home, and in particular, the folks who look after my mother and the other wonderful residents, up here in Gravenhurst. I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for them to manage family members, and not all of them I would doubt always pleasant, and the fear and the anxiety and the confusion that so many residences have had. I mean, I certainly know, just from my own experience that my mother gets very confused in terms of why she’s unable to see us and why she can’t go outside. And then of course, you know, my mother’s 91, so dementia has her thinking all kinds of things and worrying about Scarlet fever that happened when she was just a small child. So it’s a very confusing time. And the staff go through so much just working with the residents and calming them down, but it’s not an easy job. And so I really just want to say, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Deb (07:22): What can you offer as far as strategies to be able to help manage the stress level and the overwhelm that they may be feeling? Libby (07:30): Right, you know, I don’t want to speak in platitudes and all you have to do is this and everything will be fine, because I’m sure that, so I don’t know, patronizing – far from the truth. But I do know that the sciences of the mind would suggest that you can be in control and you do have the ability to breathe, which has always been number one strategy, take a deep breath and just calm. Now, what do I mean when I say just calm. I love the expression touching lightly. Thomas Troward, a philosophical author from years ago talks to this point about touching lightly. And the idea behind it is that when you get stressed, you tense up, right? And so when you tense up, it becomes very difficult to be fluid, to be in the moment. It’s like this, as soon as you tense, this buildup of anxiety and stress and everything that’s been going on, maybe in the background comes shooting forward and then bad things tend to happen. So you end up being short with your colleagues. You end up being unfortunately, maybe short with you know, a resident, a family member who calls in at exactly the wrong time, asking exactly the wrong question or making some kind of demand, because they believe that they’re special. And it’s like, everything just sort of comes out like this. I heard a great story the other day about race car driving. No, I’ve never been in a race car. And this fellow said, the last thing that you want to do when you’re turning corners is to grab the steering wheel tight. You actually have to touch very lightly on the steering wheel so that you have the flexibility, so that you’re completely calm, so that you can make those maneuvers, because if you tense, you’re going to crash into somebody. And so recognizing that the tenseness is the circumstance and when you tense, it’s because you’ve let the circumstance take power. So in order to take power back, you have to touch lightly. Deb (10:20): As you were saying, that Libby, it reminds me of when my husband, Ty was in the midst of his illness and the kids and I were attending family therapy, and the therapist talked about the strategy of white knuckling it. And she would say, you know, you can white knuckle for so long, and sometimes that’s
30 minutes | 10 months ago
2. Building Trust in High Stakes Environments with Jonathan McCready
Learn about the 4D model with Jonathan McCready, professional coach and certified 4D systems consultant, and how you can apply these NASA principals in your high stakes environments, like Seniors’ Care, to establish and re-establish trust. In this episode: The 4D model was created by Dr. Charles Pellerin, former astrophysicist at NASA who launched, then eventually lead the project to repair the Hubble. Although we aren’t launching rocket ships here, Seniors’ Care is a high stakes environment. We discuss how the 4D model can help you in your workplace to build trust, strengthen relationships and create better outcomes. We unpack two of the four quadrants in the 4D model that involve creating the right kind of inclusion as well as the value of keeping agreements. Jonathan explains certain qualities good leaders need to possess, and how competitiveness can sometimes be detrimental. He also shares some practical tools & concepts to establish and re-establish trust within your relationships with your staff and residents’ families, including 5 steps you can take if you’ve not kept an agreement, so you can reset the relationship. We also discuss social context – what it means, why it matters, and how it can make or break your culture. Guest info: You can learn more about our guest, Jonathan McCready, and the 4D model at www.4Dcoach.ca. Jonathan can be contacted via LinkedIn, at email@example.com, or at 416-726-4872. Resources: Charles Pellerin’s book How NASA builds Teams. Learn more about Amy Cuddy and her book, Presence at https://www.amycuddy.com. For more information about Deborah Bakti and Seniors’ Care, please visit deborahbakti.com. Transcription: Intro (00:00): Welcome to Seniors’ Care Matters, part of the Qod Pod network. Each week, Seniors’ Care Matters provides inspiring interviews and insights to help you lead, connect and engage with your teams and your residents’ families. We focus on ways to enhance your leadership approach and presence with practical tips to build a relational culture and create breakthrough results. And now here’s your host for Seniors’ Care Matters – Deborah Bakti Deb (00:29): Welcome to episode two, where we’re going to be talking about trust, why it’s important and how to be intentional with establishing and re-establishing trust, even in high stakes environments like healthcare, and in particular seniors’ care. I was having a conversation with a friend this morning, and we were talking about commitment to our goals, and I loved this distinction that she provided. And that distinction is whether we are committed or we’re just interested in achieving our goals. You see, when we’re committed, we’re willing to invest our attention and our energy and do whatever it takes to make it happen. When we’re interested, we’ll put the effort in when it’s convenient or when we feel like it. And it got me to thinking about this and how it relates to trust. Trust is a necessary ingredient for a successful relationship and working in seniors care and providing the care and support to your residents and their families is all about relationships. Deb (01:38): And with the last few months with this COVID crisis and negative media about how this crisis has been “handled” and experienced in seniors’ care homes, the trust factor has taken a hit, and I believe it will take commitment versus interest to establish that trust with new families and re-establish trust with existing families, as well as establishing and re-establishing trust amongst your team and your leadership. In my conversation today with Jonathan McCready, you’re going to hear more about a framework he is committed to, which is called the 4D model. You can learn more about this model on his website and the details I’ll be putting into the show notes. In this conversation, we explore two out of the four quadrants of this model that relate to trust. And I really hope you enjoy listening to this conversation and can take away some practical tips and approaches so that you can be committed to building trust in your relationships. I hope you enjoy. Intro (02:50): When you need podcasts that inspire you, podcasts that help you live your best life podcasts that speak to you, podcasts that are easy to listen to. You’ll find them on the Qod Pod network coming soon. Deb (03:05): Jonathan, it’s so great to have you joining me on Seniors Care Matters podcast today. And before we get into the interview, I just want to give a brief overview of Jonathan and his background. Jonathan McCready is a certified leadership development and systems relationship coach, and a certified 4D systems consultant, and has been a successful entrepreneur and business owner, team builder and manager for the last 30 years. Jonathan’s coaching and consulting practice focuses on people and teams in high stakes environments. Something that I think the listeners of this podcast can relate to. So I’m really looking forward to chatting with you today about the 4D model and in particular, how it can be used to establish and re-establish trust. But before we get there, I have to ask you, what is it about high stakes environments that interests you enough to focus your coaching and consulting work in that area Jonathan? Jonathan (04:09): Good question, Deb. Thanks. And thanks for having me. I really appreciate being here today. So what is it about high stakes environments? I think probably because I have a personal high level of anxiety to begin with, and I think that the idea of safety has always been something that’s really important to me, whether it’s personal safety, like physical safety or psychological safety. And I think that goes right back to childhood, thinking about what is it like to feel safe and what happens when we’re not safe? I spent years and years, even before I got into the travel industry as a professional and working with airlines. I did a lot of travel with my mom and dad. And so we were always on planes. We were always in airports and there’s always a bit of that fear of flying and what happens, things go wrong and whatnot. Jonathan (05:01): And I just remember as a child sort of being transfixed by air disasters and when things like that, what happened, I would always wonder, how did that plane crash? Why did that crash? Or why are, and as I grew older, I began to ask questions like, why are really smart able people making terrible mistakes or allowing things to happen. They don’t, they’re not doing it on purpose, but things go wrong and why is that the case? And when these things go wrong, lots of people get hurt, lots of money is spent and it’s something that I wanted to be a part of preventing. Deb (05:41): So it sounds with that initial interest that you had in that sense of curiosity, you found the 4D model, is that correct? Yeah. So I would love for you just to do a high level overview of what the 4D model is. And as I understand, there’s a bit of a linkage with NASA. Jonathan (05:58): Sure, absolutely. So I just go back to the beginning. So the 4D model is a framework for creating the most effective leadership experience possible. It was created by and developed by, Dr. Charles Pellerin who was the former astrophysicist at NASA who launched Hubble and subsequently led the project to repair Hubble after things went really wrong. So what made the failure of Hubble even worse than it was, was that it was to have been NASA’s crown jewel redemption project on the heels of the challenger disaster in 1986. So when it was a problem it was really bad for NASA. I mean, aside from the money and aside from the lives lost, this was really problematic for them. So it was noted by Dr. Pellerin, by Charlie, that the culture at NASA was very toxic. It was created by a broken social context, and that this created the conditions for critical technical information to be ignored by managers. So when information was ignored, the challenger was launched and it exploded and people died. Likewise, when critical technical information was not shared during the Hubble project, the telescope was launched and with a flawed mirror, and it failed. And that was to the tune of two and a half billion dollars. Deb (07:20): We may have listeners thinking, and I’m sure a lot of them will remember that awful disaster and wondering how would the 4D model, if we’re not launching rocket ships, how would the 4D model help us in this context? And I’d also like you to really expand and define when you say social context, what that means so that we can overlay it within the seniors’ care environment. Jonathan (07:43): Okay. Well, let’s take it there. So just to link those two ideas during the failure review of the Hubble project, it was determined that the failure wasn’t a technical failure. It wasn’t an equipment failure. It was a failure of leadership. And so a similar question was asked by, Diane Vaughan during the challenger explosion review of why did they launch when the data suggested otherwise? So I think what they, what they’re really getting at by that is why are things happening when there’s this technical information that says don’t do that? So it’s been determined that a team or organizational social context is a more powerful determinant to a team or organizational success than an individual’s intelligence abilities or skills. So that’s where the connection is between the social context and the outcomes that a team will make, whether it’s successes or failures. Deb (08:44): When I’m thinking social context, then in that situation, could it be, for example, if you’ve got a leader who does not want to hear bad news, you could have a team who are competitive with each other,
30 minutes | 10 months ago
1. How grief can be your unexpected ally: Understanding this complicated emotion with Edy Nathan in both seniors’ care and life
Understand different types of grief and how they can be leveraged to break through emotional barriers. In this episode: We are experiencing a global level of uncertainty and grief during this pandemic with COVID-19. In Seniors’ Care, whether as a staff member, leader or family member, grief exists and can impact our ability to stay focused and functioning. Edy Nathan, a licensed therapist and author of “It’s Grief: The Dance of Self Discovery through Trauma and Loss” joins me in this first episode where we unpack some elements and impacts of grief The aspects of complex and complicated grief Why rituals and routines are important How to identify grief responses Ways to work with grief and break through emotional barriers, with strategies such as: Label to enable Affirm and confirm Blinders and Bubbles The 3R’s to move with grief How mundane moments can provide meaning Grief is part of our human condition, and there are ways to work with it and move through this tough emotion. Guest bio: Edy Nathan MA, LCSWR is an author, public speaker and licensed therapist. She brings a personal conversation to the non-linear aspects within grief, loss and trauma as a survivor of abuse and the loss of her partner when she was in her 20’s. Edy’s expertise as a grief therapist is informed by her formal training as a psychotherapist as she interweaves this training with breathwork, guided imagery, ritual and storytelling. She sees grief as an Unexpected Ally, causing people to grow and learn from their losses. Edy earned degrees from New York University and Fordham University, with post-graduate training at the Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy. Her book, “It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery through Trauma and Loss” is used by many to help them navigate through the many phases of grief. Grief is a hero’s journey. You move from who you were into a new ordinary. She practices in New York City. Resources: “It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery through Trauma and Loss” by Edy Nathan (Amazon Canada) “It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery through Trauma and Loss” by Edy Nathan (Amazon US) www.EdyNathan.com
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