104 minutes | Mar 28, 2023
S5 E15: "Travelers: The Spiders Georg Story"
This week we are heading back to the 50s to check in with Mulder’s dad while we discuss “Travelers”! We’re talking Mulder’s floppy flashback hair, Arthur Dales mansplaining HUAC, spend a lot of time discussing Mulder’s mysterious wedding ring (which is exactly what Duchovny wanted! Curse you!), Arthur Dales’s primary character motivation being Conflicted™, and Bill Mulder’s Olympic snorkeling career. Yes, even if you wanted us to, we will never stop talking about Scuba Bill. You can take Scuba Bill from our cold, dead hands! We advocate for bringing “mopes” back, adore Dorothy: inventor of the X-Files (!!!), and boo Arthur Dales’s Lame Deep Throat energy. Also, our new favorite sound clip: Boy, you know what an X-File is?! NOTE: Please submit questions and comments for our Season 5 round-up episode by April 23rd! Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
128 minutes | Mar 21, 2023
S5 E14: "The Red Scare and the Black Oil"
This week we are caught in the middle of an alien war while we discuss “The Red and the Black”! We’re talking the Backroom Boys’ evil observation lobby, how Krycek spends half his life handcuffed to things, wonder what the black oil tastes like, the medics being All Over Scully, talk about Mulder and Krycek’s storm-tossed relationship, and for some reason talk about Milf Manor a lot. We mourn the passing of the great American hero Quiet Willy, scold Spender for not letting his mom get burned up in a cult suicide, discover that Scully would be a great shin-kicker, Mulder’s military arrest punch card, and different species of alien emojis. Also, in a completely unsurprising plot development, the Cigarette Smoking Man is still alive?! To which we shrug and say: Yeah. We knew. We all knew.Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
126 minutes | Mar 14, 2023
S5 E13: "Patient XXX"
This week we are investigating alien lighthouses while we discuss “Patient X”! We’re talking Mulder being addicted to people hating him, Amanda chemical burning all her meat, Jeffrey Spender’s fear of becoming Spooky Spender, Scully very reluctantly admitting to aliens, and welcome back the greatest boy Krycek. Alex Krycek: every line a clunker. We spend a lot of time missing the cool Amish aliens, discover that the Backroom Boys are really a metaphor for climate change, cheer on our new favorite character Quiet Willy, get jump-scared by Krycek and Marita hardcore making out, and chart the development of a new polycule. Hey. It’s been a while.Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
111 minutes | Mar 7, 2023
S5 E12: "I May Or May Not Want To Suck Your Bad Blood"
This week we are confronting the slippery nature of truth down in Texas while we discuss “Bad Blood”! We’re talking the all-important question of whether Cowboy Sheriff Luke Wilson is hot or not, how much we love Scully’s version of Mulder, whether FBI HR has a battle plan in the event of Mulder and Scully getting together, how the only thing Scully loves more than snacking is working, how Mulder knows something about moaning in a cemetery, and how both David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are at Peak Hotness in this episode. Not to be shallow or anything, but we’re fanning ourselves over here! We’re talking about how men only care about hot wings, how Mulder is startled by being confronted by ugly people, the indignity of light cream cheese, and propose a Breaking Bad version of "Bad Blood". Please, Vince. We’re begging over here!Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
94 minutes | Feb 28, 2023
S5 E11: "I'm Afraid I Can't Kill Switch, Dave"
This week we are nurturing nascent AI in the artificial slime of the Internet while we discuss “Kill Switch”! We’re talking Scully shooting a Roomba, discuss Mulder and Scully’s respective goth-jock-nerd-prep alignments, we wish that this episode’s unfortunate misogyny could just be chalked up to Scully and Invisigoth’s jock-goth rivalry, we get jump-scared by multiplying sexy Silent Hill nurses, and develop more of the Chris Carter Hand Lore. We discover that Mulder is very into being smothered by sexy nurses, we cheer on Scully girlboss roundhouse-kicking AI projections to death, we question this episode’s conception of AI, we might have bisexual Scully confirmation (in our own heads, that is), and we just kind of wonder what in the heck is going on in this episode, just in general. We have questions. Also: Scully could totally catch a missile with one hand because she is A Jock.Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
109 minutes | Feb 21, 2023
S5 E10: "CH1NG4 (You Know, Like M3GAN)"
This week we are tossing haunted dolls in microwaves while we discuss “Chinga”! We’re talking Vacation Scully™, how insane it is that Mulder and Scully have to coordinate to take a weekend off, why Jane should go back to school for Panopticon Studies, Scully white-knuckling her way through a relaxing bubble bath, why Scully needs to set up a decoy voicemail, and why the alternate title for this episode is so much worse: Bunghoney?! We make a lot of questionably-funny jokes about main Maine characters and being horny on Maine and etc., delight in the fact that Scully is always and forever also a freak, how Chucky and M3GAN could take Chinga in a heartbeat, Stephen King easter eggs, scream at Mulder drinking expired orange juice, and noted SK fan Ella offers to give people personalized Stephen King recommendations. This is not a joke. The phone lines are open, and we are standing by.Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
103 minutes | Feb 14, 2023
S5 E9: "Schizogeny Loves Company"
This week we are being dragged into muddy traps by tree roots while we discuss “Schizogeny”! We’re talking inhaling mud like a siphon, our new beloved Orchard Freak, what a shame it is that kids these days are too busy on their phones to share their cellar milk with corpses, the return of We’re Done Here (!!!), how horrible it is that there is no David Duchovny “Got Milk?” poster, and really puzzle over what exactly happened in this episode. We’re talking about how if you didn’t die you didn’t drown, Naruto teen running, Mulder canonically being a freak on gravestones, and desperately Ctrl+F for women writers. Also: Bobby isn’t the stepson, he’s the son that stepped up.Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
94 minutes | Feb 7, 2023
S5 E8: "Break Me Off A Piece Of That Kitsunegari!"
This week we are pushing our way through this episode while we discuss “Kitsunegari”! We’re talking the return of Skinner HQ, Mulder sprinting like a maniac, Cajun Vampire time, how Linda has serious Marita vibes (a blonde woman on quaaludes), our new beloved character that nobody else cares about: Todd!, and bad TV CPR. We have some serious issues with this episode messing with the canon that Skinner cannot be pushed, we lament the lack of cat and mouse games, we push for the show plumbing the depths of the Modell family tree, boo at lame comeback lines, and how this episode is thrilling from head to toe, mouth to nuts (a very common and normal phrase that everybody says). Also, saving for last the most terrifying, iconic line of all that makes us quake in our boots whenever we hear it: He had to go. 😱😱😱Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
97 minutes | Jan 31, 2023
S5 E7: "Emily, Queen of the Desert"
This week we are trying to save our alien daughter (but not that hard…) while we discuss “Emily”! We’re talking Gillian Anderson getting sand-blasted on set, Mulder negging Scully’s baby, miracles that were never meant to be, Emily growing one singular man arm, Donkey Kong Scully, and wonder where the propellor hat is on this alien baby? We spend a lot of time hating on this episode (sorry to all the “Emily” stans) because this show sure loves inserting forcible impregnation into the plot whenever they can and we do not care for it, we circle back on how on-the-nose Amanda’s predictions were, we demand to know why Tara’s new baby is not called William too, and laugh at Mulder slapping and kicking some guy around the room. We leave you with one of Scully’s most iconic lines from this episode: I’m your mommy now.Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
115 minutes | Jan 24, 2023
S5 E6: "The Christmas Carol Is Coming From Inside the House"
This week we are beset by visions of our dead family members while we discuss “Christmas Carol”! We’re talking Boy Detective’s real chemistry with Scully, Scully’s laser eyes pointed at this baby the whole episode, the best anime glasses scene transition to date, sad Christmas vibes, and have an extremely heated debate over Bill Jr. We spend so much time talking about Mulder’s absolutely insane pirate-themed durag. Like, at least 5 times the amount of time it was actually on-screen, which I guess makes us the monsters of this week. In our defense, it’s wild. There are strange fetus balloon decorations, Scully makes grabby hands at a baby, and again, there is no Charlie in sight. Not even in the flashbacks. What gives, Chris Carter et al?Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
97 minutes | Jan 17, 2023
S5 E5: "FrankenCher or; The Post-Modern Peterman"
This week we are reanimating the dead in black and white while we discuss “The Post-Modern Prometheus”! We’re talking how all fumigation tents are Breaking Bad references, Chris Carter’s murder hands, mad scientists, insane decor, the lack of Cher cameos, and the all-important question: Who IS the real monster? We’re talking the gaze to end all gazes, the farm animal in the room, how sad it is that Mulder doesn’t believe in aliens anymore, and how patricide is obviously the funnest kind of murder. We put on our old-timey radio voices and declare: We podcast BECAUSE WE CAN. [Thunder clap. Lightning flash. Drama]Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
97 minutes | Jan 10, 2023
S5 E4: "Teamwork Makes the Detour Work"
This week we are trying to avoid getting forest-snatched AND trying to avoid team-building conferences while we discuss “Detour”! There's a lot to avoid. We’re talking Skinner hobnobbing at team-building conferences, Mulder’s determination to make this an X-File if it kills him, Scully risking her life for snacks, flirting on a log (log-flirting? No, probably not that), how the tree people can’t get enough of MSR, and the Boo Crew building their tower of furniture. We advocate for the return of Scully’s puffy jacket, make fun of Mulder’s pronunciation of “conquistador”, determine that there can only be one “Rent” joke per episode, point out the definite marriage behavior in this episode, and wonder how Scully did not notice she was getting a lift from a tree-person. SCULLAY!!!Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
99 minutes | Jan 3, 2023
S5 E3: "Un-Unusual Suspects or; How I Met Your Mulder"
This week we are heading back to 1989 while we discuss “Unusual Suspects”! We’re talking how Byers is as easy a mark as Mulder, giant cell phones, Reggie references (!!!), that Mulder wants to arrest Susanne because he hates liars, how Daddy needs a new Sword of Wounding, and most importantly of all, the return of Mr. X! We unpack some Detective Munch lore, refine our Vince Gilligan impression: sitting on his throne of gold with jewels dripping from his fingers and terrorizing the prop guys, rank the Lone Gunmen’s usefulness in a fight, and discover that Mr. X truly is the Him from Gifts for Him. And, despite anything we say in this episode: the people are demanding more Munch in the Gunch. Bring on Munch Nation!Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
109 minutes | Dec 27, 2022
S5 E2: "Redux II: The Squeakquel"
This week we are accusing our bosses of being an evil mole while we discuss “Redux II”! We’re talking how much we enjoy Mulder being sad, how Scully’s family had to force her to not work while dying in a hospital bed, Bill Jr.’s unfortunate Stan Beeman energy, Mulder’s intense puppy-dog eyes, how out of the loop Skinner is, Teena taking 20 Benadryl before coming to Mulder and Scully’s wedding, and celebrate our girl Scully making a recovery! Amanda comes out as a surprise Bill Jr. defender (Ella’s on the correct hater side), we wonder whether the Cigarette Smoking Man has smoked his last cigarette, and we note how sad it is that Mulder is officially down two dads. Also: this horrific slandering of Scott Blevins’s impeccable character will not stand!Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
93 minutes | Dec 20, 2022
S5 E1: "Acid Redux I"
This week we are losing our faith in extraterrestrials while we discuss “Redux I”! We’re talking how the surveillance apartment above Mulder’s has to be a timeshare, the development of Evil Skinner, Scully being mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, the insane amount of voiceover and monologues, and FBI Wrapped: The Boo Crew has gotten into 12 violent confrontations with their boss this year and been lied to by someone they trusted 287 times. We posit the theory that Scully is just dying because she’s really dehydrated, discover the room full of alien bodies that scream like those rubber chickens when dropped, and celebrate the greatest character of all time: Scott Blevins. Or at least one of us does.Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
9 minutes | Dec 13, 2022
(BONUS #5) Season Break/December Ladness Bracket
Just a reminder that we are taking a short break this week to catch up on our recording schedule. If you would like, please hop on over to our Instagram and participate in our December Ladness bracket to vote on the best X-Files minor characters. The bracket will be starting on December 14th!Otherwise, we will be back to our regular release schedule next week for Season 5!Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
164 minutes | Dec 6, 2022
(BONUS #4) Mulder's (Not) Alright, Scully's (Not) Alright: Season 4 In Crisis
This week we’re taking a breather after all this emotional turmoil and taking a look at Season 4 as a whole in this extra-long episode (sorry, guys). We discuss special features, answer some emails/questions, rank the episodes (it gets a little heated in the middle!), and introduce our December Ladness bracket. We’re talking Amanda being personally victimized by Chris Carter, our seasonal insect story, XXX Mulder, none of the cast knowing what a movie is, Mulder loving to be strapped and blasted, how the show refuses to delve into Skinner’s psyche no matter how much we’re clamoring for it, and how Eddie Van Blundht has seen Scully’s tattoo, but Mulder probably hasn’t. Ella expresses enthusiasm for the Bill/CSM/Teena plotline, we discover that Never Again was all about the Wikipedia summarizer sidelining Scully, we recap some of our podcast-centric lore (skip to 2:13:00 if you want the deets!), and we definitively assign ourselves as a Mulder or a Scully. Note: We will be taking a break next week to catch up on our record schedule. No new episode, but you can participate in our December Ladness minor character bracket over on Instagram! More details to come in a short bonus episode next week, and then back to the regular Season 5 schedule the week after (12/20). Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
123 minutes | Nov 29, 2022
S4 E24: "The Garden of Goncharov (1973)"
This week in our one-hundredth episode (!!!), we are mourning the very-real and very-permanent death of Mulder while we discuss “Gethsemane”! We’re talking the shocking Scully betrayal that shook the world, how it took them four entire seasons to reschedule this meeting, how they’re definitely ripping off Lord of the Rings, the betrayal boardroom, the continuing mystery of the missing Scully brother, and Scully not telling Bill Jr. she was dying because “It’s Personal”. Girl, what?! We’re talking Mulder continuing to bully old men, Margaret Scully having a ranking board of her family members, the group sleeping bag for the mountaineering crew, and Mulder and Bill Jr. hating each other’s guts on sight. Most important of all, course: The return of our man Scott Blevins!Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
117 minutes | Nov 22, 2022
S4 E23: "Hey There Demons. It's Me, Ya Boi"
This week we are blasting lasers into our eyeballs and doing ketamine to remember our traumatic childhoods while we discuss “Demons”! We’re talking Scully breaking the laws of space and time to drive to Rhode Island, comical cobwebs, Teena about to go full A24 Dinner Scene Monologue on Mulder’s ass, Scully having to trick Mulder like a dog going to the vet, and Cigarette Smoking Man baby daddy reveal?! We’re talking whether Scully is Hannibal-ing Mulder, Scully’s horrible parking job, their haunted vacation house, Scully going to law school on the spot to defend Mulder, and how rude it is for Mulder to have a personal crisis right now during Scully’s arc. Also, we have a big for a guest this week. That’s right, we got Meryl Streep on the pod! Welcome, Meryl!NOTE: Due to scheduling issues, the new (secret) deadline for Season 4 questions is November 27th! (But this one is for real, guys). Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
113 minutes | Nov 15, 2022
S4 E22: "L to the Elegy"
This week we are pretending we didn’t see a ghost while we discuss “Elegy”! We’re talking bowling alleys being sovereign nations, the watch Mulder has that tells him how late in the episode it is, Scully suffering from ‘End-of-Season-itis’, whether or not the wig is making Nurse Innes evil, and most importantly of all, The Return of Ellen Bledsoe (!!!!!). Yes, that’s right, the beloved character that only we remember. She’s back, baby! We’re talking Mulder having Blue Clues Vision, Wiki Feets, Scully dissociating in a white terrycloth robe, that all of CSM’s bees are named William (just spelled differently), and what we think about Season 22. Also: Nobody cares about boring, lame ghosts, so if you do see one, try to make it a cool one. Maybe it’s riding a skateboard or something. I don’t know.NOTE: Please submit questions/comments/segment suggestions for our Season 4 recap episode by November 20th! Send us an email at email@example.com or follow us on Twitter and Instagram!