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4 minutes | Jun 9, 2022
Calling my Client
After a long day of moving people's homes and managing all sorts of random challenges, I get home, shower, make a coffee attend to some administrative tasks and by 6:00 p.m. vape some weed and get in touch with some of my clients to discuss logistics.
52 minutes | Feb 22, 2022
Nine Year Plan: Session 12 of a Men's Violence Group February 21, 2022
How to deal with destabilisation when feeling isolated and depressed. An exploration of how violent men cope with traumatic and life altering challenges.
62 minutes | Feb 15, 2022
Oblivious Idiot: Session 11 of a Men's Violence Group February 14, 2022
Do violent thoughts make us violent? Is it okay to intimidate a bully? Are we going against our nature when we renounce violence?
64 minutes | Feb 8, 2022
Fooling Myself: Session 10 of a Men's Violence Group February 07, 2022
Last week we had individual meetings. Best to skip to about 10 minutes in. The audio is shit, but the content great. There's a guy who likes to kill animals. He works ina hospital, night shift. There's a guy who considers himself superior to everyone in terms of intelligence. This week I talk about empathy, describing a situation without blame, understanding the social programming which makes us define ourselves thus rating ourselves. I describe a fight I had with Lisa and the aftermath, of using people, questioning whether I ever cared about someone purely. I speak of the true tragedy that Lisa is living.
64 minutes | Jan 25, 2022
Be at Peace: Session 09 of a Men's Violence Group January 24, 2022
Discussing the motivation behind smothering someone with a pillow.
63 minutes | Jan 18, 2022
The 4th and 5th Edits: Session 08 of a Men's Violence Group January 17, 2022
"I cannot help the person that I have harmed," this was Aebner who said this and I understand its truth. I talk about the addiciton of violence, the language of condemnation, my resolve to be nice to customer service people, to not use ultimatums, to move away from the language of violence.
70 minutes | Jan 11, 2022
APGAR: Session 07 of a Men's Violence Group January 10, 2022
87 minutes | Jan 4, 2022
I LIke to Kill Animals: Session 06 of a Men's Violence Group January 03, 2022
Tonight there are two new participants: Ryan who likes to kill animals for the fun of it and is on Anti-Psychotics. He works in a hosptial as an aide. Then there is Scott who is unable to take responsibility for his violence as he keeps justifying it by claiming that is wife is not following the rules. Aebner is apparently maing real progress as his wife's family have become aware of the tension in his relationship with his wife and are coming to offer support twice a week. I talk about feeling suicidal given the plethora of negative emotions and sense of guilt and shame for my past conduct which have hurt others. I speak of suicide as a just punishment for past ills. Unlike Scott who cites a platitude, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem," I believe that there is recognition of it being a solution however permanent and the provision is for temporary problems. What in the case is done when the problem is endemic?
5 minutes | Dec 21, 2021
The Right to Disconnect
I completely lose it on my cell phone provider for receiving notifications despit having my phone on "Do Not Disturb". I tell them that I am mentally ill and becoming increasingly violent and that they need to find a sollution.
59 minutes | Dec 21, 2021
Who Am I Mostly?: Session 05 of a Men's Violence Group December 20, 2021
In this meeting, we have Pierre, the older counselor, Conrad, as usual, Reuben, the Mexican drummer who beats his wife and talks funny as well as me, of course. I discuss what I believe is one of the roots of my violence. I speak of my instruction manual and of wanting to be a man and define myself. Everytime I ask for approval, I am diminishing myself. I discuss hardcore ways of dealing with men who are violent as part of my "Fema-Save" campaign.I talk about wanting to die a hero given I've lived as a monster.
62 minutes | Dec 14, 2021
Equal Opportunity Asshole: Session 4 of a Men's Violence Group December 13, 2021
The meeting starts off with Jean-Pierre, or whatever the older guy's name is, saying that he is present at the beginning in a supervisory role and to guide the other two social workers: Conrad and Karl, into becoming excellent councillors. I suggest that Karl emote. I say that he is like a very intercative AI. A new member joined us. His name is Ruben, a Mexican with a beard and a (self proclaimed) funny voice. He is an alcoholic and hits his wife mostly when inebriated. Tonight, I really delve into the addiciton and pleasure of violence. I feel that Karl is too tame. He is not bringing the guys back to specific moments. I do. I really push these guys. I tap into my violent demons. I let them speak. Karl remarks at the end how impressed he is with my honesty. It is the demon's honesty.Aebner shares what fucks him up in an argument, a tone, a comment, how he feels disrespected, his face goes dark as he's transported and then he remarks on how the beginning of the fight was so silly that he can laugh about it here during group. I suggest that the true strength comes in being able to find the funny in that moment of anger. He looks at me skeptically. All I think is how nice it would be to be the superhero. Rise above. Save everyone. But I am the montster they run from. There is so much funny material here. I end with a killer joke. Listen to the end to understand the punchline that is the title of this episode.
44 minutes | Dec 7, 2021
Fuck a Perfect World: Session 3 of a Men's Violence Group December 06, 2021
Tonight I am the only person present until Aebner logs on half an hour into the session and moments before I finish with a point. It is awkward seeing him. His eyes are red, he appears drunk but it could be the fatigue from doing night shifts. Life is truly harsh for some. The stress and pressure make me more susceptible to violence- that is my takeaway for the night. Perhaps I will unburden myself from these shakles of consumption and a lifestyle that requires my soul to sustain it.
66 minutes | Nov 30, 2021
I Look Like a Fucking Muppet: Session 2 of a Men's Violence Group November 29, 2021
Today I talk about avoiding violence. Violence will never disappear but it can be harnessed. Wielded only by wisdom. I am applying Jordan Peterson's 12 stepf of life. Karl, the social worker, knows him. He is quiet and explores. He is like Phil, the therapist, from the other group. I share how I have been researching trauma techniques. Tim is present and he talks about the persistent violence in his dysfunctional relationship with a hot younger girl. He finds comfort in speaking with her ex. He will be doing couple therapy in order to find validation.
87 minutes | Nov 27, 2021
Talk with Lisa
I call up Lisa who's doing a pharmaceutical study (getting paid $5000 non-taxed dollars) and we start chatting about a host of topics which includes but is not limited to: Kyle Rittenhouse, the Aubry murder, radicalisation in Western culture. We discuss Reality Winners and her four year incarceration for leaking one creased paper she snuck out of the NSA- same place Edward Snowdon worked.Lisa tells me Shatner flew into space. We discover that Autistics and Psychopaths have components of the limbic system (responsible for emotional processes) that are undeveloped. I touch upon Jeff Ross's use of humour to cover his malignant soul. We circle around Daniel Tosh being cancelled by the culture of comedians. I bring up a point about Systemic racism and how it may not exist as per Larry Elder's beliefs who happens to be a black man.
50 minutes | Nov 23, 2021
The Hamster Cage: Session 1 of a Men's Violence Group November 22, 2021
This is my first online meeting with this newly formed group. Present are the three social workers: Pierre with 36 years of service, Karl who is perpetually quiet and Conrad the most talkative of the three. We are three participants: Me, Tim, a meek, moody musician and Abener, an Ethiopian with intimidating tats. He's lost his five kids due to violence. Tim has thrown dishes and contemplated suicide. The value of this recording is that I attempt to formulate a template, a technical manual of sorts so that the participants can identify and then implement the instructions required to bypass the linear escalation of violence. When I speak, I do so with the intent of giving the participants a specific, concrete thing that they can look for in order to identify the incipient stages of violence. Shallow breathing is a good thing to be aware of as it signals a physiological response to a situation and that it is time to decompress. The challenge though is that there is a perception of gaining when engaging in violence. There is empowerment, there is pleasure. There is a cost too. And if we can hold on to our rational minds for that extra second, that might be the difference between a fight where shit was said versus one where someone's dead. We are the captains of our own ship, no one else will steer it, especially in turbulent waters. We need to keep it from ship wrecking. I speak frankly of what I've done, who I am. What I am aware of, my ignorance. My thoughts are frank, brutal, violent. I think it's important to not pussy foot around a behaviour that leads to femicide. Other influences include, Jordan Peterson, Alain de Botton, Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle, Louis C.K. John Oliver, George Carlin, Norman Macdonald, Joe Rogan, David Letterman, the documentary Maiden Voyage, Sweeney Todd.
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