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“Music acts like a magic key, to which the most tightly closed heart opens.”  – Maria von Trapp Part 1 of sharing the Music of Our Hearts!  Members of the Rise Up Restored team (including voices you have never heard!) share some of their favorite songs and how they have helped them on their healing journeys!   Autumn song- Climb by Adona Tiffany song- Just Like Fire by P!nk Deborah song- I Believe in You by JJ Heller Becky song- Firework by Katy Perry Tiffany song- Prize Worth Fighting For by Jamie Kimmett Autumn song- Rescue by Lauren Daigle   We hope you have been uplifted in your journey by these songs we have shared! And stay tuned for upcoming Part 2!!!

Becky and Tiffany talk with Heather, whose close connection with God started as a young child and continued throughout her younger years. After marrying her life-long friend, Heather was shocked when he lost his job because of an undisclosed pornography addiction. Over the next 15 years, Heather felt increasingly isolated and broken as she was cut off from family and friends.  Shame, depression, and anxiety were constant companions. After feeling suicidal, Heather reached out for help. Her husband's lack of response led to a conversation with God where she heard Him say, “It’s time.” Heather has since found light and joy in life. Her relationship with God led her through dating and marrying Josh, a sex addict whose honesty and openness and whose own relationship with God has been a breath of fresh air. Heather has realized that God can use them to share their stories now, even when things aren’t perfect and their story is still being written.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Amy Claire to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. After discovering that her husband of thirteen years had been hiding being gay and his years-long, widespread betrayal, Amy Claire explains the gut-wrenching pain she experienced. She took a break from God and from her religion as she realized her whole marriage had been a lie. Not having the tools to recover from this devastation, she quickly remarried. She shares that this man was also deceptive and unfaithful to her. This time around, however, she explains that she had gained knowledge and had support from other women who’d also been betrayed. She realized she had God as her teammate, and together, they could do this.  In scripture study, she learned that “If you trust in God, He will give you the light and knowledge to know the difference between truth and lies.” Through intensive therapy, the twelve steps, and listening to podcasts, Amy Claire is finally experiencing true peace and happiness as she is finding restoration through Christ.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with special guest Sarah Morales, a Certified Life and Relationship Coach, to share her work and research on Gaslighting. Sarah discusses what gaslighting is and how to know if it’s happening in our relationships. She also shares her three-pronged approach to help get unstuck, a list of common red flags, and that finding trusted support people is key to moving through the effects of gaslighting. Sarah asserts that mutuality in our relationships—shared responsibility and respect—is something ALL people deserve.

For our 50th episode, hosts Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down to reflect on “Where God Shows Up” in their healing journey.  They share their experiences of looking for the light, recognizing earthly angels, learning about and healing their relationship with the Lord, and EXPECTING miracles, even in the hard times.  God is not just watching on the sidelines.  He is involved!  ***We hope that we leave you with hope, faith, vision and resources.  We want you to know that you are not alone and that God is there.  We want to thank you all for joining us and hope you will continue to join us for our next 50 podcasts!***

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Emily to share her story of betrayal trauma and healing. After discovering her husband’s porn usage early on in their marriage, Emily explains that she lived in a state of denial and isolation. It wasn’t until ten years later, when her husband confessed to a porn addiction and escalating behaviors, that she began attending addiction recovery meetings and found connection with other women who understood and offered support. Through therapy, SALifeline, meditation, and utilizing boundaries, Emily experienced true peace, even through the abusive behaviors of her husband. As more issues came to light and the abuse escalated, Emily shares how it became clear that she needed to divorce. Through the turmoil, she describes feeling God sitting with her in the pain. “The Lord gives me strength every day. My heart is truly healed.”

Hosts Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down to discuss Shame as a betrayed loved one.  A big part of an addict's work is to address and deal with shame.  But shame is rarely addressed in the healing process for betrayed loved ones, even though shame is something that keeps loved ones stuck, too.  Why?  We can talk about shame and we are going to today!  The hosts discuss the difference between guilt and shame, what shame feels like in their bodies, and specific examples of shame they have experienced and still experience.  The podcast ends with thoughts on how to fight shame and bring it into the light with the help of self-compassion, taking the lies to the Lord, and speaking truth into those lies.  Let’s speak our shame, let’s talk about it!

Autumn and Becky sit with Nicole to hear her story. Nicole shares that her sheltered upbringing led to naivety regarding sex and pornography, and when her husband shared he had “problems” that they were uncomfortable talking about them. Following an experience that prompted her to lean into a closer relationship with her Savior, Nicole’s world was rocked by her husband’s “atomic bomb” disclosure on her birthday. Finding safe people and groups helped Nicole dispel the shame she felt and feel less isolated. Nicole learned to advocate for herself and her own needs with her ecclesiastic leaders and her husband, and finds joy helping other women learn to advocate for their own needs and self-care. Nicole’s birthday is now an Anniversary of their fresh start, and she celebrates the constant process of learning. She is grateful that her faith keeps growing and tries to continually involve her Heavenly Father and Savior in that growing process.

Becky and Tiffany talk with Sandy about her story. Sandy talks about how she grew up dabbling in religion and that she can look back and see God present and waiting for her to embrace Him. Coming from divorced homes, when she married they prioritized God and a healthy relationship so as to avoid divorce. About two decades into their marriage, they purchased a farm and operated a business together. Sandy shares how she came to the realization that her husband’s infidelity was abuse and that she had control of her life. After moving into her own apartment Sandy began to feel peace instead of chaos in her life. Sandy testifies that God has taken the Enemy’s fiery darts and worked them into things for her good. She cherishes the intimate relationship she has with God now and strives to give God her firsts, not her leftovers.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Rachel to share her story. Rachel shares her journey with betrayal trauma and her subsequent healing after many years of anger and pain. Although she’d always known God was there for her, it wasn’t until wanting to divorce her husband that she began a true wrestle and companionship with God. During her two-year separation from her husband, Rachel describes the darkness, loneliness, and hopelessness she felt. She coped by turning to numbing activities, but slowly things started to change. Rachel shares that her husband began to live a more honest, genuine life. Through qualified therapy, regular polygraphs, boundaries, and the support of friends and family, Rachel and her husband began to truly heal, both individually and as a couple. Rachel asserts, “The atonement [of Jesus Christ] is for people who need a way back to God.” Gaining a communicative and personal relationship with the Lord has been a beautiful part of the journey for Rachel.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Brianna to share her story. Brianna talks about feeling unworthy of God’s love throughout her childhood. Brianna shares how her relationship with God became strained during her first marriage due to her husband’s sex addiction and how she was treated. After moving on and meeting her second husband, a sex addict who was open about his addiction, Brianna had an experience where she realized Satan was real, and by extension, God must be real. Brianna says that the formal disclosure she received from her husband felt like an atomic bomb. Looking back now Brianna says she can see angels in her life before and after disclosure. As she worked on her relationship with God, Brianna shares the moment when the power of Christ healed her. She shares some of the miracles that have happened in her recovery journey and says that she feels she is just at the beginning of her story now.

At this Christmas season, Becky, Tiffany, and Autumn sit down to share one of their favorite things- The “Heart of a Woman” Retreat.   This retreat has been one of the most impactful resources in their individual healing journeys and brought healing to their relationships with God.  The team shares what happens at retreat (hint: it’s not a therapeutic retreat led by therapists), their favorite parts of retreat (more than just not cooking for 3 days, which rocks!), and their experiences with prayer and music at retreat.  These are a few of their favorite things!

Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down to discuss one of the biggest questions they get- “Is It Me?”.  Many people (including the hosts) have wondered if their loved one’s actions are their fault or if they caused them. The hosts share their thoughts about responsibility, accountability, boundaries, and recognizing the importance of showing up for yourself.  So, in the end, “Is it you, folks”?  Nope.  (REALLY, NO!)  You didn’t cause this and you can’t fix it!  And this podcast discusses a few reasons why.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Jeni G. to share her story.  Jeni works as a therapist in Arizona and started her blog “Eat My Scabs” in 2012 chronicling her journey of betrayal trauma. She talks about discovering her husband’s acting out and pushing back against a therapist when asked to take responsibility for his acting out.  Leaning into her body through yoga and wrestling to trust God again have been pivotal parts of her journey.  Jeni shares that she will always love God, who has been a light for her.

Becky and Autumn sit down with Erin to share her story. Erin shares how she has worked through many years of betrayal trauma in her marriage. In the first few years after finding out about her husband’s pornography addiction, Erin explains how she closed her heart off to everyone, even God. During this dark time, she nearly divorced and was left with many wounds from her husband’s deception as well as trauma sustained from untrained therapists. However, Erin shares how finding the right, specialized help began changing things for both her and her husband. Looking back, she is able to see the hand of the Lord in so many aspects of her life. From encounters with people who provided the right help at the right time, to rebuilding her relationship with God at a women’s retreat, to embracing the Twelve Steps.  Erin knows God will always meet her where she is. “God knows the way out because He IS the way out.”

Hosts Becky and Tiffany sit down with Magda to hear her story of betrayal trauma. Magda shares how she knew of her boyfriend’s porn problem before they began dating, but it wasn’t until four years of staggered disclosures and sifting through her own denial that she saw how destructive these patterns were to their relationship. She shares how she “felt crazy” during this time and didn’t understand how to go through tough things with God. This led her to question everything, which turned out to be a good thing because it eventually led her to a more personal relationship with God and His word. She encourages other women who suffer from betrayal trauma to be willing to invest money in their healing, as well as continue to engage in practices that help foster self-care. When asked how she’s finding restoration through Christ, Magda says: “Everything that He has placed along the way in my path, the people and resources, have helped me feel like maybe there is hope. [This hope has] given me the ability to do things I couldn’t do before.”

Becky and Tiffany sit down with Beckie Hennessy, LCSW, to discuss the basics of boundaries. In essence, boundaries are simply what’s okay and what’s not okay for you. Beckie explains that boundaries are not telling someone else what they can or cannot do, nor are they to control, punish, influence the way someone feels, or hurt someone. In this episode, Beckie offers some sample narratives to use to change lists of rules into loving boundaries. The hosts remind us that boundaries are about establishing safety. As Beckie says, “When your boundary is respected, it’s like pouring Miracle Gro on connection and trust.”  She reminds us that setting boundaries isn’t “mean” if our intention is to show up in compassion. It’s normal for boundaries to evolve over time, but there are some that are non-negotiable. Beckie’s mantra is: “I don’t set boundaries for them. I set boundaries for me.”

Becky, Tiffany, Autumn, and Becky’s husband, Richard, sit down to discuss separations. Separations are often used when there’s been a boundary violation, or simply to give one another space to breathe and reset. They can help with bottom lines and boundaries, and can be used to save the marriage, not always as a step toward divorce. The hosts agreed that there’s a lot of surrender in the separation process—prayer and discerning our intentions can help. Richard explains that, although the separation was incredibly hard for him, he experienced many ways it helped him, including ways he didn’t even know he needed.  Ultimately, the decision to separate can be hard, but, as with everything in recovery, no therapist or friend should tell you what to do. “Take it to God. He will guide you to what the right step is for you.”

Members of the podcast team, Becky, Autumn, and Tiffany sit down together to talk about Check-ins and answer anonymous questions.  They share their insights on what check-ins are, ways to check-in, learning to speak up for yourself, & trusting your gut.  They discuss the importance of vulnerability & connection, safety & intention.  Checking in with self, safe others, and God can strengthen healing, and remembering that this is not a perfect process will lead to more grace for self and others.

Becky and Tiffany sit down with special guests, Ali and Anarie, to share their thoughts on dating with betrayal trauma. They discuss how to prepare to date, and agree that it’s helpful to learn to be okay with being alone and not using dating in an attempt to fill a void. Although it can be difficult to begin dating again, Ali shares how she knows God will catch her and hold her when things get painful. Dating is really about getting to know ourselves. The women share how giving ourselves and the ones we date a lot of grace is vital, as is remembering that even though we aren’t perfect, we still deserve love. Tiffany shares that dating again is challenging her belief system, but she has been able to see the power of the atonement in the lives of those she dates. Triggers, grief, and loneliness can resurface during dating with betrayal trauma and after divorce, but so does an awareness of our need for the Savior. In addition to practical tips for online dating, Anarie cautions us to avoid being so worried about what could go wrong that we don’t see all that could go right. Tiffany, Ali, and Anarie explain that honesty with ourselves and others is key, as is connecting with our safe people.