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Hey, guys. Remember us? We did too, don't you worry! We just had one tiny problem: Jean almost died. As much as we'd love to just blame Steve Harvey, we're instead gonna tell you the whole story. 

Long time no see! Sammy gets submissive and breedable, Zev gets into baked goods and also murder, and Jean gets wildly confused by the Epic of Gilgamesh. Also, Hobby Lobby's founder is descended from a BDSM slave. We're not sorry to break it to you.

All three of us, flesh and blood, are here to give you an episode! Sammy tries to speak both Japanese and Baseball, Zev tries to understand what the Daily Mail is talking about, and Jean tries to reference Buzzfeed Unsolved but instead references Loki. Also, DB Cooper just wanted to return some hands and some glasses without those horny FBI agents noticing. Please let him.

What do you mean, “different?” This is just another regular episode. Sammy adds to our roster of unnerving mascots, Zev puts a cherry on top, and Jean adds their classic witty color commentary, like always. Oh that Jean! By the way, you can’t avoid the dark, non-alcoholic origins of Domino’s foulest little man... 

A normal episode? Sometimes we CAN do our job, it turns out. Sammy lectures about film, Zev teases us with the idea of vegetables, and Jean talks about another little ancient man. Also, the sentence “hidden pliny horse knowledge” gets uttered on this one, which is how you know it’s good. 

Sometimes, life decides to nerf your schedules. That's just how it is when you try to get a group of three people to sit down for at least an hour and talk to each other, ya know? Anyway, Sammy and Jean are here– briefly– to answer some absolutely-not-pressing questions. We're giving you an episode, damn it. It's what the Muppets would have wanted.

Another week, another theory. Sammy invests in lots and lots of bread, Zev invests in seagull poop and an even shittier musical, and Jean invests in some new boat-- or, um, house-- rules. Also, unlock gay rights through phosphate mining.

Hi, everyone! Sammy talks about the Beatles (again), Zev lauds a religious icon, and Jean double-entendres their way through the Olympics. Also, a Canadian band gets inspiration from an American athlete in Mexico City to evenutally create an inernational meme. We're going global, baby.

Um, so we (more specifically, Sammy) made an oopsie while recording this week, so we decided to just play a fun "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"-esque game instead. We randomly shuffled our old past topics into a generator and we have to try and connect two of them to each other in six steps or less. Enjoy the chaos!

It's our 30th episode, and you know what that means! This time, as a belated birthday present to himself, Zev gives us the internet's most true, most spooky stories, which we connect. Warnings for a fair bit of describing body horror/gore on this one, folks. We also talk about Funko Pops for way too long, which is scary enough in itself. Maybe try being a window about it? The creepypastas we read: https://www.creepypasta.com/laughing-jack/#content (gore/body horror warning) https://www.quotev.com/story/3887384/Short-Scary-Stories/18 https://www.creepypasta.com/the-backrooms/#content

Welcome to Red String Thursdays, gang. Sammy dishes some decade-old gossip, Zev explains exactly why we shouldn't quit our day jobs, and Jean wants to speak to the manager. Also, imma let you finish, but this is all the ghost council's (and one oompa-loompa's) fault.

You're gonna want to spend a happy point on this one. Sammy becomes a life guru via poorly-received video game, Zev becomes a film snob (briefly), and Jean admires a feat of human cooperation. Also, Marlon Brando, queen of gender, and some friendly aliens are responsible for car racing. 

We hope you're ready. Sammy mispronounces a word while decrying some menaces, Zev finds out what music we like and then gives us the opposite of that, and Jean reminisces about childhood. Also, garden to fight back against Reagan. And do all your shopping at Walmart.

We make Red String history this week: for the first time, Sammy and Jean come in with the same topic. So, Jean talks about a wacky baseball man, Zev launches a personal vendetta with help from a sexist beauty blog, and Sammy brings it full circle with a conspiracy of our own. Also, please don't file your nails if you're allergic to onions. Blame Rube and the Boohbahs, not us.

Are you down with the thickness? Sammy haunts us with a shitty tale, Zev makes our drinks into Pixar moms, and Jean's just really excited about Hatsune Miku. Also, the world's first ever human-to-digital-pop-sensation transformation was... a little grosser than expected. We talk about poop a lot this episode, alright? We're only sort of sorry. 

Miss us? Sammy's got a fishy friend, Zev's got a faceful of makeup and some wonderful orange hair, and Jean's got an economic crisis that may or may not have happened. Also, the Muppets are immortal because the Netherlands became independent from Spain. And Chuck E Cheese has a new husband. 

We begin with a weird email promo and it goes downhill from there. Sammy opens the door for more playful self-antisemitism, Zev just wants us to stop and eat some peaches, and Jean does some poetry reading. Also, the same spirit is responsible for a cursed Olympic event, a beautiful piece of writing, and the band U2.

Happy Tuesday, everyone. Sammy talks about the world's sketchiest dating app, Zev talks about everyone's favorite lawn decoration, and Jean talks about the most legendary pig. Also, we leak movies now, and we've got the Snyder cut of Gnomeo and Juliet 3. 

We get our first guest host! Sammy speed-dials a real Australian while eating Cap'n Crunch, Zev jazzes it out with a strongly-worded letter, and Jean gets nostalgic about a computer game while their mic quality dies. Oh, and watch out for some thick asscheeks. Wouldn't want you to get murdered. Thank you to Zak for answering our question! You can find him on Instagram and Twitter @therooneymusic or at linktr.ee/RooneyMusic :)

It's our twentieth episode, so we've got a special one for you! Jean reads everyone's astrological birth charts, and we get... really lost in the weeds. We apologize to any women named Compton, but maybe you should apologize to us, too.