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131 minutes | Sep 30, 2022
Planet Bob: Titan A.E.
This week, the Earth is destroyed AGAIN. This time, it's on purpose from an evil race of CGI energy aliens called the Drej. Luckily, we're on a ship with our favorite president, Good Will Hunting, and bad girl Drew Barrymore, plus John Leguizamo, Nathan Lane, Janeane Garofalo, and Tone Loc. We discuss the magisty of space whales, the vampire-owl Gaoul, and how Matt Damon is a little punk with daddy issues. When our hosts aren't reviewing the film, they're rocking out to the soundtrack of countless drives and discussing Chris Hemsworth's butt. He's not in this movie, but we talk about him anyways.
109 minutes | Sep 23, 2022
DON'T PANIC. Grab a Towel.
"So long and thanks for all the fish," our hosts sing as they hitchhike across the galaxy searching for the ultimate question after being let down by the ultimate answer: 42. We learn much about our universe, like how big space is, politicians are idiots no matter where you go, and that the creation of the universe was widely considered to be a Bad Move. Erin converts to the religion of the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief, while Brennan is beside himself at the defensive prowess of towels. If towels are that feared galactically, is a bathrobe the equivalent of mithril? In the end, we find more reasons to love our little blue dot and not forsake its beauty and benefits. But should the day come when a dolphin does a backflip through a hoop while whistling the Star Spangled Banner, it's time to run, but DON'T PANIC.
126 minutes | Sep 16, 2022
Swiped Right on a Magician: The Illusionist
Contrary to the common advice for online dating, this time the magician gets the girl! Fall is here and we're feeling the vibes of sepia tone Vienna. The Illusionist is about the love affair between a duchess of Hungary and a young boy who wants to be a musician- I mean magician. Brennan had a really hard time making that distinction this week. We discuss conjuring, magic tricks, paranoid princes, and a tree that just suddenly disappears. Mostly we just talk about how much we love Paul Giamatti, the anchor of this Romeo-and-Juliet-gone-right story. We must stress, SPOILERS are in abundance. If you want to enjoy the podcast, watch the movie first.
91 minutes | Sep 9, 2022
Transformers: They Transform!!!
The summer may be over, but the heat is still lingering, and just like a lingering heat, our film this week is long, has a lot of explosions, and people are wearing next to nothing. By golly that sounds like a Michael Bay movie! Well, if you can call this a movie... then yes, yes it is. This week Erin and Brennan roll out in favor of the Autobots, not because they're the good guys, but because them winning ends the movie faster. Honestly, we couldn't tell the difference between the two sides, and didn't care. That was until we saw the LAPD Patrol Car and thought, "Decepticon. Definitely Decepticon." There's not a lot more than meets the eye with this movie except Hasbro. Is Hasbro secretly a Bernie Bot bent on defunding the law enforcement establishment? Ultimately, we hated this movie and spent so much time talking about anything else.
109 minutes | Sep 4, 2022
I AM IRONMAN
Coming to you this week from the back of the "Fun 'Vee" with AC/DC and a side of whiskey on the rocks as they ride through Bishop, Califor- I mean. . . Afghanistan, are our hosts Erin and Brennan. EXLOSION! The only way out of our terrible predicament is to make a SUIT out of IRON and all in our tank-tops. Thank God we're geniuses, huh! This week we discuss the beginning of the MCU, a movie that had no guarantee of being a hit. We gather an out of work RDJ, the director of "Elf," and a C-Level Marvel hero with some rock anthems in the mix. The call from selfish playboy billionaire to philanthropic kinda-only-one-girl billionaire is challenged by none other than The Dude (minus the hair and White Russian) and his Iron Monger. And at the end, we get a call from the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. Hmmm, I wonder what that could be about?End Credits: Nick M.F. Fury
124 minutes | Aug 28, 2022
Invisible Map on the Back of the Declaration of Independence!
This week, our hosts steal the Declaration of Independence to keep it out of the clutches of EVIL Sean Bean. They team up with Nic Cage, Diane Kruger, and Justin Bartha to track down the minute clues left behind by the FOUNDING FATHERS (and Masons) (and Knights Templar) that lead to a NATIONAL TREASURE beyond comprehension! This movie is filled with all the hallmarks of a Jerry Bruckheimer film, like things blowing up that wouldn't and people with no fire safety sense. We giggle through the ludicrous plot points: US History passwords to government buildings, lemons revealing secret ink, throwing the Declaration in the oven, millions of secret passages, relief carving pipes with messages, and sooooooo much more. Is this movie at all accurate? No! But it's certainly a fun ride.
128 minutes | Aug 21, 2022
Mummy Liver Dust: It's What Revives You!
We are back, Void! After almost two months away, our hosts have returned from Post-Nose Egypt with the gift of a new episode all about the 1999 blockbuster The Mummy. This week Brennan brushes off the dust and cobwebs from his Egyptology days while Erin gets a fan to cool herself from Brendan Fraser's hotness. We discuss scarabs, vampire motifs, and the pharaohs of ancient (Pre-Nose) Egypt. We learned that it's best to never read aloud from ancient scripts, especially if it's from THE BOOK OF THE DEAD!! But luckily for all of you, we learn the greatest defense against the biblical plagues is your super obnoxious, hairball puking, and utterly uninterested cat. Which leaves us to find the answer to the age old question: what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?
125 minutes | Jul 2, 2022
Jaws: Gonna Need a Bigger Boat
What, did you think we would make some kind of (du dun. du dun. dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun BUBUHDADA!!!!!!) Jaws pun for the title? Of COURSE not, the description is where we prefer to CHUM the waters to lure our prey. . . I mean our guests. Fish are friends, not food. This Fourth of July weekend, nothing sums up the current state of affairs than a massive man-eating shark terrorizing people while the government prioritizes capitalism. Our hosts bravely board the Orca, questionable alcohol in hand (don't drink that), and see which is more frightening: imaginary sharks or anchor themed suits. Guess what, it's the suit! We scream, we laugh, we learn a lot about sharks, and at the end of the day we still hate the elected officials. Hey, maybe they should've closed the beaches!
111 minutes | Jun 26, 2022
The Birdcage: Val is the Villain!!!
Well, I think the title sums it up. Val is our uncontested villain of this film; you'd think it was the Republican senator (and to be fair, you're not wrong), but in this case there's just someone worse. We follow the beautiful albeit far from tranquil relationship of Armand and Albert as they deal with their horrible college son and his quest to un-gay them in pursuit of a HIGH SCHOOL GIRL! What we really want to talk about is Albert and how much we love her. Through all the rubbish she remains our hero doing anything for her family and playing the role of a lifetime: a conservative housewife.
134 minutes | Jun 18, 2022
Pride: Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners
Erin and Brennan turn left at that one village without any vowels to find themselves in a village with only one vowel. Wait, are we in Wales? Why yes, good chap! We're in the UK in 1984 when Margret Thatcher (Darth Karen) went to war against the mining unions across the nation. And in these dark times, times when help is of the utmost importance, to whom can we turn for aid? THE GAYS!!!! Specifically a small group looking to buck the system called LGSM, Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners. We're treated to Jonathan Blake teaching the straight men of southern Wales to dance to disco, as well as heart warming stories of the most unlikely friendships. Welsh women having the best night of their lives in London gay bars, young queer people finding their voice, and even older generations accepting their own truths. To reach these goals, they must fight the bigotry of Karens everywhere that are so determined in their quest to be Karens that they torpedo the hopes of their own community. Thank goodness there are Siâns in the world.
141 minutes | Jun 11, 2022
Jurassic Park: Look at All the Blood!!
Erin and Brennan travel to Isla Nublar, an island off of Costa Rica, where "Dinosaurs Rule the Earth." There they find an incompetent theme park devoid of proper staffing, proper infrastructure, and proper safety protocols. We're talking a place with a massive law suit waiting to happen! Oh wait! That's right, they ARE being sued after a poor man was torn apart by a Velociraptor!! Sorry, to our paleontologist fans, we mean Deinonychus. We all know the story: people go to place filled with things that can eat you and they do. Luckily we have Jeff Goldblum's abs and weird growl-laugh to fight off the scary T-Rex that is closer than it appears. We have Dr. Grant being the Indiana Jones of dinos, Dr. Sattler unencumbered by fear, Lexy getting sneezed on, and poor little Tim (they're always named Tim or Timmy right?) almost getting killed by everything. So strap yourself in, or tie your seatbelts together, because when all is said and done, Life Finds a Way.
112 minutes | Jun 4, 2022
The Thing with the Guy at the Place, and I'll Never Forget it! (Ocean's Eleven)
This week Erin and Brennan plan the ultimate heist, to reveal the subtle details of Ocean's Eleven. In a seemingly messy and disorganized series of events, it turns out that DANNY PLANNED IT ALL! This movie is about three things: money, love, and messing with Linus. We are talking about Tess having the WORST taste in men, Brad Pitt eating constantly, and what happens when the lights go out in Vegas? CHAOS. But the real highlight, Eliot Gould's amazingly gaudy outfits.You've been practicing this review haven't you.Yeah, I felt like I rushed it a bit. Did I rush it?No, I liked it, it was good.
136 minutes | May 22, 2022
Star Wars: Wait, YOU'RE the Sith Lord?
Erin, Brennan, and Matt conclude their Prequel extravaganza with Revenge of the Sith. Finally, they got to the content we actually cared about: killing younglings! We also return to sassy Obi Wan quips, epic lightsaber duels, and villains with breathing issues. We side with Sam Jackson that Mace Windu still lives. Did you see a body cause we sure didn't. But we did see the first force choke, we saw Chewbacca, and we definitely saw Palpatine as Sidious from parsecs away! For real, this was a story that needed to get dark and they did: slaughtering Jedi young and old, betrayals in the bonds of brotherhood, and manipulation of good people to do bad things. But hey, at least that cringe love story is officially over.
139 minutes | May 15, 2022
Star Wars: Attack of the Red Flags
We're back this week with our second installment of our review of the Star Wars prequels, and amazingly Brennan survived his hit from the fan mobs! Ultimately, we cringe through the horrible relationship at the core of this film. Why Padmé? Why did you choose HIM?!?! It's cause he's tall isn't it. . . While Padmé gets to live out her "dream", the rest of us watch a horny teen pushing his obsessive romantic fantasies on a Galactic Senator definitely out of his league. In all fairness though, we get to enjoy Obi Wan mature into the Jedi master we all know and love, but the moment the camera moves from him to someone else we lost our minds once again. What were the Jedi doing the last 10 years? How did NONE of them notice two armies being created the same time? Did they even try to look for the Sith? WHAT MADE YOU THINK A HORNY ANAKIN WOULD BE OK TO SEND TO A REMOTE LOCATION ALONE WITH HIS FANTASY WIFE?!?!?!??!! *Deep Breath. DEEEEEEP BREATH. . . * The clones are dope though.
158 minutes | May 7, 2022
Jar-Jar Binks: The REAL Menace
It's Star Wars Week and Matt is back with us for Episode One: The Phantom Menace, as we attempt to wrap our minds arou- MISA CALLED JAR-JAR BINKS!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHH! In a galaxy far far away, our hosts are annoyed by half the characters in this universe and confused how the hell such good plot points got overpowered by. . . THAT. What we wanted: nature vs. nurture, where Leia got her personality, and the early signs that the Republic will fall. What we got: random and unnecessary immaculate conception, bureaucratic jargon regarding taxation mandates and embargo treaties (no taxation without representation!), and mediclor- *we interrupt this description to say that Brennan has been assassinated by nerdy bounty hunters*. While we send a Galactic Senate inquiry to investigate the validity of these claims, Erin and Matt call for a vote of high confidence that the lightsaber duel is totally sick! Duel of the Fates, anyone?
129 minutes | Apr 29, 2022
Galaxy Quest: to Find Jason's Shirt
Welcome abroad the FCPV (From a Certain Point of View) 4520 Starship Pretender. Our crew is accosted by Thermians and compelled to review one of the greatest parody films ever made. From sly references to Jim Kirk's hubris to Sigourney Weaver climbing through airducts, again, this film is filled with all the easter eggs sci-fi fans love. We fight Gorignak the Rock Monster, we love Fred falling in love with tentacle girls (gotta skirt that line very carefully), and all the while hoping Guy doesn't go the way of the "red shirts" to be offed on an alien planet. There are really so many references that we want to say here but that's for the podcast to explain about the movie we just watched. By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Sons of- SHUT UP!!!!
113 minutes | Apr 24, 2022
Stardust: Great Title, Right?
A wall. A great and powerful wall. Barely 6 feet tall and yet no one can cross it except our two hosts. That's a little weird right? They find themselves in a world of magic, mystery, and Michelle Pfeiffer flaunting that bod! We follow Tristan traveling across the mystical kingdom of Stormhold with Yvaine (the star), Septimus (the seventh son), and Ricky Gervais. From the mind of Neil Gaiman, the Sandman himself, we get a hero's journey of love and adventure graced by the feathered boa of Robert De Niro, not to mention a cast that's just stacked out of its mind. Seriously folks: Claire Danes, Ben Barnes, Charlie Cox, Henry Cavill, Sienna Miller, Peter O'Toole, and YOU SHALL NOT PASS. . . Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian, Sir Ian. . . . We have to ask how this movie didn't make a bigger splash, I mean, BANG! (star joke)
131 minutes | Apr 15, 2022
Beauty and the Furniture People
It's a tale as old as time: girl meets furry, gets stuck in a castle, develops Stockholm syndrome, and then becomes queen? Erin and Brennan are asking the real questions around Disney's 2017 remake of Beauty and the Beast: why hire a Scottish Ewan McGregor to play a French candelabra, why is the magic mirror so large but the mirror SO small, and is President Bartlet hidden in the West Wing? We gush again about the brilliant performance of Luke Evans while praising the on screen chemistry of Kemma Watson, I mean Emin Wine, I mean Kwevin Klatson. . . nevermind. Disney tries hard to be woke, but like so many of their "attempts" it really falls like Gaston off a bridge. Spoiler alert?
107 minutes | Apr 11, 2022
We Talked About Bruno, A Lot
Today really feels like a holiday for Brennan; he gets to spend multiple hours discussing his love of Stephanie Beatriz (AKA Detective Rosa Diaz, AKA Emily Goldfinch, AKA Mirabel Madrigal). Meanwhile, Erin is with Jorje doing the spackle in the crawlspace behind the walls. This week we discuss the Academy Award winning film Encanto, a story that Brennan loves and Erin learned to love. From TOTALLY not talking about Bruno to caffeinated youths, we break down Abuela's walls of control and let loose all the feelings. Careful of the capibara though, he's still not impressed.
131 minutes | Apr 1, 2022
Obi Wan Visits a French Brothel
Voulez Vous Coucher avec Moi, Ce Soir? Need we say more? Our adorable and impressionable hosts return to Monmartre to relive a story from their youth; being poor and enjoying the Moulin Rouge... just the outside (from a certain point of view). In this episode, we all fall in love with our heroes Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, keep forgetting that they said it's all going to hell in a handbasket, and then crying because it DID go to hell in a handbasket and that basket's name is Roxanne! EVERTHING'S GOING SO WELL! Erin and Brennan sing quite a bit, imagine the fractals of Toulouse-Lautrec, and give Nicole Kidman the recognition she deserves for writhing on the floor to "Your Song". In the end, we're amazed we made it most of the review without bringing up Star Wars (but then we did, and we didn't stop). And then an unconscious Argentinian fell through the roof. . . .
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