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This is it! This is the first day of a new year and a new "or recycled" set of resolutions. This is where you get out the calculator and produce astounding potential outcomes "if only" you: ....lose one pound a week...or put $200.00 per month in savings ...or...or! Man that calculator is awesome! Every January I hypothetically improve my life to the point I am almost giddy with the potential outcome. By NEXT December I will be back in shape wearing those 32/32 jeans, my shop will be clean and organized and I will have completed at least a dozen tasks that have been gathering dust and rust. Don't bring me down with the reality of past resolutions abandoned in mid stream. I am a future-oriented guy and the past is behind me. I can do it...I WILL do it! So why DON'T I ever manage to reach these goals? I am motivated and the goals are realistic. What stops me somewhere between New Year's Day and the day I inevitably give up? BIG DREAMS Even though my goals are realistic, they are unmanageable on a short timeline. I make the decisions which affect my success on a moment to moment basis. Do I eat that piece of cake at dinner? Do I spend a little extra money online today? Do I sit at my computer and write an article like this instead of tackling that project on my work bench? Hey I've got LOTS of time before December rolls around! I will double my efforts tomorrow or next week, or.........! Sound familiar? Once a significant amount of time has passed without our having realized progress on our goals we just give up or make significant compromises. We should borrow a page from successful business ventures. Overall goals have to be realistic, in sync with the overall business plan, and broken down into manageable chunks which can be monitored on a shorter time span (normally monthly and quarterly). By breaking our overall goal down into twelve increments and monitoring our progress we can stay motivated. I don't have to compare my current weight to something I hope to accomplish a year from now. I can compare my weight loss to my monthly goal. Even if i have lost nothing or very little weight this month it won't seem like as much of a failure and I won't be as likely to just "give up". With smaller goals I am able to make corrections in time to stay on target with my overall goal. The other important process is I recom

Welcome to Portals and Paths Holiday series, Episode Nine, A New Year and New Beginnings Do you ever have one of those small experiences which leaves a positive mark on the moment? You may have just be an observer. You know, something that makes you feel really good inside. It doesn’t have to be a Hallmark Christmas movie. It could be something as simple as a hug from a friend or an unexpected card in the mail telling you that you had a positive impact on someone’s life. It may be watching someone you care about graduate or a child riding a bicycle for the first time. It could even be the playful antics of a pet or an experience out in nature. It feels good inside, like swallowing a joy pill and at that moment it is all that matters. Problems fade into the background and worry is replaced with warm feelings. The secret to the joy pill is that we are focused on someone other than ourselves. We vicariously are absorbing the positive emotions surrounding whatever is going on. It is a form of magic and it washes over us and our problems and it pulls us up and away from our day to day concerns. But, like most magic, it can be gone in the twinkling of an eye and we are left with…well…ourselves. We are back to our baseline of emotions, whatever that may be. Obviously we can’t sustain back to back joyful events in our lives but we can appreciate these moments and become motivated to move our emotional baseline closer to this positive zone of being. In our first three episodes Sara and i emphasized the importance of internal inventories and personal honesty about ourselves and our environment. By keeping a daily journal we are able to keep track of those areas in our lives which cause our emotional baseline to drop into the negative zone AND those factors which move it the other direction. We move off of autopilot and become proactive in improving our lives and consequently the lives of those around us. We begin to eliminate or reduce those stressors which drain us of energy and creativity and, as we do, our baseline automatically begins to elevate! Something else magical begins to happen as our emotional baseline rises, we become more aware of the positive elements in our lives and we can see possibilities which had been hidden by our depression or anxiety. Over time we find ourselves closer and closer to that magical zone of personal joyfulness and a love for life. This is the season where our past gives way to new beginnings,

  Welcome to Portals and Paths Holiday Series Ep 8 Finding Your Faith This Christmas Spiritually this time of year has different meanings to people of different faiths or maybe even those who no longer have faith. On the world stage we watch, once again, as one religion is set against another like pawns in a global chess game. It is easy for the voice of our Deity to be lost in the roar of warring religious factions and even the competing messages from the commercial side of these Holy Days. In past episodes Sara and I have covered the loneliness many people feel this time of year because they are no longer connected to certain people in their lives. Separation and isolation are particularly tough companions at this time. Perhaps even more damaging to our holiday mood is a loss of connection with the Spiritual force we recognize as our God and even a complete separation from the spiritual basis for this holiday. The air may be filled with religious music but we could have lost the personal message. Any combat veteran can tell you that it is difficult to find your way back to God after having battled on the soulless plains of war. But It doesn’t take extreme circumstances like combat to drive a wedge between us and our faith or our religious affiliation. Sometimes we feel betrayed by our particular place of worship or estranged from the rigid dogma. Perhaps the religious message is at odds with the world as we have come to know it and we just can’t return to our old beliefs. Whatever the reason our sense of separation may be, it is important to remember that our relationship with our God is personal not collective. Religions are just vehicles carrying us closer to our own understanding of the spiritual nature of our world and ourselves. An outdoor shop may sell you a map but you have to be the one to hike out to experience the wonders of nature. Throughout the known history of mankind, this time of year has been all about new beginnings. The Winter Solstice was celebrated because the ancients saw the sun returning to warm the earth. It was the rebirth of the sun, while Christian see it as the actual birth of the Son of God. Jews celebrate Chanukah -- the festival of light that also begins on the eve of the 25th -- For eight days they celebrate the victory of light over darkness, commemorating their recapture of the Temple on the Mount. Earlier in December Buddhists from many different sects celebrate the enlightenment of

To reduce stress it may be essential to downsize our expectations and our activities at Christmas.  This is a decision that will affect you and those around you but you have a right for a happy holiday experience without being overloaded with too many tasks or spending too much money.  In order to develop a plan for stress reduction at this time of year it is important to go back to this list of Stress Symptoms  we provided in Episode Two.  Match them up (and any new ones you have added) with past experiences you have had during this holiday period.  Remember you are looking for the situations associated with these stress symptoms because it is in those areas where we want to start looking at reducing or eliminating your stress.  If family events have been painful for you then consider skipping them or taking a close friend or your significant other to act as an advocate for you.  Wherever you remember stress being most prominent you should look for alternatives to those situations.  If you normally spend too much money on gifts and then regret it as soon as the credit card bills start coming in you should consider trimming back on your giving. In any event once you have a plan it is time to share it with those people who will be affected.  You are not asking permission to make these holiday changes, you are just making people aware that your activities and contributions this holiday will be different and you may even explain to them why you are doing it.  If your decision is met with disappointment or disapproval you just have to stick to your position and remember, YOU have a right to a less stressful holiday and you are not responsible for how anyone else feels regarding how you make that happen.

The Christmas Holidays present a particular challenge to Military members present and past, especially those who have served in combat operations. A particular coping dynamic is present in a large number of these men and women which causes them to socially isolate in order to avoid too much stimulation. This withdrawal from their immediate world affects access to the support system (family and friends) which might otherwise be available to them. Because the Christmas season is so frenetic and filled with loud music and crowds of people these veterans are even more likely to seek isolation. Often the people in a close relationship with these vets sacrifice their ability to participate in holiday events and can become resentful and distant from the veteran, adding to the overall stress within the family system. With the cooperation of key family members and the affected veteran it is possible to develop a plan to select certain activities which are less threatening and stressful to the veteran and which allow everyone in the family unit to celebrate together. Suicide attempts increase for this same class of people during the holidays. Monitoring the emotional state of a veteran during this time of year is very important. The Veteran's Administration provides a crisis hotline at (1 800 273 8255 Press 1). A non-government organization, VET2VET maintains a crisis line also and can be reached at (1 877 838 2838). For a Suicide Risk checklist go here For families living with veterans affected with Holiday Stress there is a great website dedicated to this issue. Go here to visit Loveourvets. Find us on iTunes here Find us on Stitcher here Find us on Facebook here  

There are many reasons you might miss an important holiday event.  Some circumstances like competing obligations are out of your control, sometimes you just don’t feel like being there and sometimes you have no place to go.  How you deal with these feelings and the reactions of those affected by your circumstances can have an impact on your stress level during the holidays. In addition to missed opportunities to join others during the season you may find yourself emotionally unable to resonate to the constant and inescapable barrage of festive holiday prompts and cues blaring from loudspeakers and radio stations and blinking from windows all over town.  If you accept the assumption that these cues should be echoing in your heart you will only feel bad about yourself.  Likewise if you allow others to convince you that there is something wrong with the way you feel this holiday you will be putting them in control of your happiness and peace of mind. Accept your feelings and responses to this time of year as valid.  Use your journal, your history and your growing awareness of how you currently respond in different situations to plan out a strategy to improve your holiday experiences.

Shorter days with less light plus the stress of the holidays can make this a miserable and exhausting time of year for many people.  Expectations we feel pressured to meet from family members and friends have a weight of their own and can be overwhelming when added to our own internal expectations.  A festive holiday filled with happiness  and warmth is sometimes shoved aside by the reality of interpersonal conflict and a history of family dysfunction.  Cheer up because if you plan ahead and make good decisions for yourself this may turn out to be a lot better than you could have imagined!

In the first two episodes you were given the tools needed to perform the important steps of self awareness and documentation through journaling.  In this episode we add one more tool to assist you in comparing your self image with how others see you.   It is essential to identify your stress responses, where they tend to surface and even more importantly, those times and situations when you feel more competent and confident.  You will learn to migrate those more powerful elements of your personality into areas which normally cause you problems. Keep working and check back for our next episode!

The first step in developing a plan for change is  taking a personal inventory of the symptoms we experience in stressful situations.  In order to capture that information journaling is used. A daily journal of your experiences and the circumstances associated with them is critical in putting together a n effective plan of action to improve your life.  Links to a Stress Inventory and a Journaling tutorial are located here.  Episode three will focus on expanding our observations and assessment to the  environmental factors in our lives.

Major changes should be carefully planned in order to avoid the chaos springing from rash decision making.  An honest assessment of ourselves our relationships and our work and social environment is key to mapping out the changes needed and the best approaches to accomplishing our goals.  Remember any changes we make will have a ripple effect on those around us.

This is an introduction to the podcast series on Change by Sara Longtree and Ed Rowe.  Change is a common denominator in all our lives.  Sometimes it is a good way to counter stress and sometimes it is a major source of stress.  Whenever possible major changes should be planned and well thought out.  This podcast series will provide the tools and techniques to methodically evaluate the factors associated with the stressors in your life and assist you in developing a plan for positive change.