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In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very common "painful" behavior that the partners of porn addicts can often engage in. A PBSE listener sent in a description of her situation:  her boyfriend is currently in recovery for porn addiction and making a lot of great progress. Like nearly all addicts in recovery, he still does have occasional slips back into porn use. He shares these openly with her and then she feels compelled to go to the same websites to view what he was looking at. Here's how she describes her pain—I've found myself spiraling every time it [his slip] happens, and I end up either stalking the accounts of porn stars, models, Only Fans girls, or watching actual porn as a means of comparing myself, and I don't know why I do it. It almost feels comforting but it also sends me further into a spiral. He has a close friend he can confide in, and after a slip up he recovers quickly, and gets back on track, but I often feel stuck in a rut after an incident, and I'm not sure how to break this toxic cycle of comparing myself and looking at the same content he does. What do I do from here? How do I stop? Is there anything else we should be doing as a couple and individually?Mark and Steve address her concerns and talk directly about HOW she can break free from this constantly "re-traumatizing" practice.  Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

A PBSE listener describes a situation that many partners of addicts face. Here's how she describes it. See if you can relate—My partner has been in recovery for only 3 months now and it was then that I found out about all of the disclosure of his addiction. He has had 2 relapses since then and has been honest about where he is in his recovery. He is in a 12 step program and has expressed that he is struggling with shame, guilt and feeling like a failure. Your podcast is truly helping me recognize I can’t control his recovery and I am only responsible for my own but sometimes the fear and insecurities are overwhelming when he is in these moments because I fear they mean he is going to act out. I know I can’t plan for them happening but I don’t know what the best way to react to him when he is honest about these relapses. I genuinely want to be supportive and I do appreciate him being honest, but I struggle with feeling like by supporting him during those moments mean I don’t have any boundaries and am enabling him by not over reacting during these moments. His relapses haven’t been cheating but because of my own betrayal trauma I am terrified that they are leading up to that. I want to be supportive to his addiction and also give him a safe space to share when/if slips happen but I don’t know the heathy or best route to take when he does disclose these moments to me.-   Mark and Steve share personal examples of how this was in their marriages. -  Very common for Spouses to ask this question/balance on this tightrope–What response has the best chance of him continuing to take his recovery seriously?-  Responding to his inauthenticity with your own inauthenticity/control is not helpful!-  How long will your “control/making him change,” carry him in his recovery?-  Compulsion vs. Conversion in recovery-  Be a “clear window” and a "mirror" to him–that is AUTHENTIC!-  PUT IT BACK ON HIM as opposed to constant “outside pressure” as his motivation, which keeps him IMMATURE in his recovery! -  Anger and control keeps the focus OFF OF HIM and drains you of all the energy that YOU NEED FOR YOUR OWN HEALING! -  An addict that is not taking this seriously does not deserve you taking it seriously! You can’t care more than he does!  Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

This episode is in response to a situation shared with us by a PBSE listener. She is currently engaged to a guy in his mind twenties who has struggled with porn addiction since age 9 or 10 and other more severe forms of sexual addiction in later years. He IS in active recovery; seeing a therapist; working a program and has 160 days of sobriety—the longest in his life. Here's her questions—My fear is that while he's committed to recovery right now, this might not always be the case, especially if his brain is so tightly wired this way. Although I hate this reality I'm told that slips will almost inevitably happen. I am so scared though that one day he might stop choosing recovery and a relapse will happen. Even worse, that he might physically act out since a) he's also a love addict and b) his addiction had escalated to visiting prostitutes before we met. So although he hasn't to my knowledge had sex with others while we've been together, I'm afraid that he could easily slip back into this. My question I guess is; is there some kind of safe zone? Have you heard of many men kicking their sex addiction for many years and then just doing a complete flip where they get tired of fighting it and just stop choosing recovery? Does that happen often We understand that addiction is for life and that he'll always need to be in recovery. And right now he's very committed to that. I'm just so sacred that I'll start a family with him and that once he feels safe that I'm locked in and by then a little bored of my body, that he'll stop choosing recovery and return to sneaking these old habits on the side.To address these questions, Mark and Steve draw upon their own personal experiences with marriage and recovery and that of many clients over the decades. Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a raw, heart-felt submission from a PBSE listener—Hello Mark and Steve, I am a recovering porn addict and the grateful husband of the listener whose question about foreboding joy you answered in episode 107, “How Can I Ever Dare to Trust Him Again?” If you have time, I would be grateful for your insights on the two questions below. I tried to provide context without becoming too long-winded. I really connect with everything in episode 149, “As a Porn/Sex Addict in Recovery, How Do I Let Go of Deep Feelings of Shame & Unworthiness?” I am working hard on, and making progress with, my feelings of worthlessness in my therapy sessions and through fellowship in SAA. I believe I can change. I believe that my wife deserves an improved, authentic and integrated man. I am grateful that I have a new life, but I’m not sure that I feel like I deserve this new life. The last part of the listener’s message really hits me hard, “even if she forgives me, I’m not sure my self-worth would allow me to accept it.” This is the situation I am in right now. My wife forgave me after my 9th Step amends to her last year. But how can I forgive myself for my betrayal of her before I have given her at least 18 years of my authentic, integrated, sober self? In our recent couples’ therapy session, our CSAT told my wife that “John is proud of his sobriety of 20 months,” but I struggle to feel proud. I feel happy, grateful, encouraged, and hopeful, but not proud. How can I feel proud that I have now done the minimum basic expectation of being faithful for 20 months when I betrayed her for 18 years? In this episode, Mark and Steve address these great questions and the dilemma that many married addicts face! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a "couple's issue" that is unfortunately all-too-common:  In the wake of addiction and betrayal trauma, the relationship grows stale, becomes ambivalent and indifferent—it feels like the spark and chemistry are very low or even gone.Here's how one PBSE listener describes this situation—As a betrayed partner (married 30+ yrs), my concern now is that since my partner has demonstrated first order change I cannot seem to establish a cohesive bond & I don’t feel the chemistry or connection to him as I once did. Sex went away 7 yrs ago when he had relapsed and we went through many separations/ disclosures/ therapy. Now we live “parallel lives”(under the same roof) trying our best not to violate reasonable boundaries. We have common interests, no resentments, but no chemistry or spark. I accept him for who he is & I appreciate him as a friend and father of our grown children and we both have separate careers. I want to move on (which I have brought up many occasions) however he is very opposed to the idea which I believe is tied to his very strict religious upbringing. I am seeking your perspective on partners who like me have worked through the tougher parts and are ready to say “it is finished.” My partner creates such a guilt trip for even entertaining the idea of a permanent separation. I sense I may be on my own in this endeavor which again is a traumatic place to be. He runs two groups for men in sex addiction and I work with addicts & partners ironically. Thanks in advance for all you guys are doing and for such an incredible podcast.   PS: We are not at the divorce juncture (or maybe me more than him) but the point of my question was to address the “ambivalence” that a partner feels and to get some validation. Wish you both a very warm and wonderful holiday.Mark and Steve talk raw and real about HOW to get the "chemistry and spark back" after years or decades of addiction and betrayal trauma. Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

As we look at moving into a new year, many addicts in recovery and spouses healing from betrayal trauma, wonder if their year and experience will ever be "normal" again. Will they ever be able to go to the beach or a BBQ or pool party ever again without one or both being triggered? Can we watch any movies other than G-rated without the risk of something sexual popping up? How can 2023 be any different with all the preceding years of "horrible history."In this episode, Mark and Steve get "practical" about HOW to make the Holidays and all of 2023 a positive, hopeful, connecting experience even with the "history" looming in the background.  Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

If we're not mindful and proactive, addiction and betrayal trauma can turn our Holidays into constant "fires" that we run around putting out. Instead, how can we become the proactive "architects" of our Holidays and of 2023? Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

We recently received a VERY raw, vulnerable and transparent communication from one of our PBSE listeners who is struggling with porn addiction and has some very pointed questions. Here are some excerpts of what he sent us—I have been battling with porn and sex addiction off and on for the better part of 25 years. In my younger years, I was able to break free of it . . .  Now, a number of years later, I think I am in a full blown addiction that is spiraling out of control.  When I look at people’s "quitting stories" out there, it always seems that there is some catalyst that forces the change (ie spouse finds out, loss of relationship, job complications, etc). I have none of those. I only have a desire to change and the feeling that I’m spiraling toward some catastrophic event like that in the future. Do you think that lasting change is possible without some catastrophic catalyst to anchor that change to?Second question—To my knowledge, my wife does not know about my habits. She might suspect something is weird in our relationship and she definitely feels the disconnect in our relationship. I know I feel it. If she doesn’t already know, I see no reason to break that news to her. I see no reason to further distance her with that information when my goal is to ultimately bring her closer. Is it possible to break free of this without ever disclosing these things to her? I don’t necessarily want to fight this alone but I also don’t want to put her through the heartache of this when she has been through so much already. It would devastate her. I just want to fix this problem and move forward.In this episode, Mark and Steve tackle these two questions head-on! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Mark & Steve rarely address issues with kids and teens on PBSE podcast. However, two PBSE listeners submitted questions in this area. One is in addiction recovery and wants to know HOW to help his three young children (one more on the way) grow up to be sexually healthy adults who are not "set up" for addiction. The other listener, also in recovery, has a 16-year-old son who recently admitted to being caught up in porn since age 12. How can he best help his son? In this episode, Mark and Steve offer some straight-forward advice on HOW to raise sexually healthy kids and help those already struggling. Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

This PBSE episode comes from a very bold, but authentic situation and question from one of our listeners—I am a betrayed spouse and just listened to Episode 37, “I’m not Sexually Attracted to my Partner.” I was so hoping you would also be dealing with the betrayed spouse’s feelings of not being attracted to their partner. Because that’s where l am. After 24 years of absolutely no sex or sexually intimate connection at all, now that he’s recovered, he’s interested in me sexually and emotionally. But l have no interest in him sexually any more. After living with the knowledge of what he was doing with his penis for 24 years, l don’t even want to see it, let alone have it near me. So now what? Thanks and sure hope you answer this.Mark & Steve take on this topic directly—raw and real!Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article about why his porn use is NOT your fault—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

In episode 150, Mark & Steve tackle a situation submitted by a PBSE listener—Her partner of 3 years came forward and admitted to her that he's been hiding his porn use from her their entire relationship. He was humble, willing and indicated that he would get help and do whatever it takes to break out of this. Then, a short time later, he made a 180 degree turnaround and blamed all of it on her, telling her that there's nothing wrong with porn and it's all her issue! To say she was blindsided, confused and traumatized would be an understatement! Here's her question—What do you do as the partner of someone who has not accepted or fully acknowledged if they have a problem? Is there anything that I can do?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services Here's an article about why his porn use is NOT your fault—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

In episode 149, Mark & Steve reach out to an addict in recovery who expressed some very deep feelings and meaning questions—Hi Mark and Steve, I love your podcast and have learned a ton from your experiences! Thank you for all that you do for the SA recovery community! I'm a betraying partner in recovery from porn and sex addiction. I've been working with a CSAT for 10 months and engage in separate therapy and accountability groups each week. My wife and I completed a therapeutic disclosure 4 months ago and just started couples' counseling this week. I struggle with a deep feeling of worthlessness that manifests in many areas of my life - being afraid of failure, perfectionism, and having trouble accepting affirmation even from fellow people in recovery. My question is: What steps can I take to overcome that feeling of worthlessness? My partner and I explored EFT (Hold Me Tight) months ago and agreed that it was not the time to discuss forgiveness. Even if she forgave me, I'm not sure my self-worth would allow me to accept it.-  Where do feelings of "worthlessness" come from?  A distorted view of one’s identity!-  What does being an "addict" mean to you?-  Is addiction an "identity" or one of many attributes?-  Do you believe you can change?  Do you deserve change? Do you deserve Something better?-  What part does "spiritually" play in all of this?-  What is my identity/place in the universe? -  What is my TRUE potential for growth and change?-  What do I have to contribute to the world?-  How can "parenting your inner child" help you break the bands of worthlessness? -  Are you willing to allow your partner to choose you or reject you on their terms, rather than making assumptions and deciding for them?-  Are you practicing "vulnerability" in your relationships with self and others?  Why or why not?  What do I need to do to resolve these obstacles?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services Here's an article with some practical tips on HOW to STOP watching porn—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

This is a special podcast and the first of its kind here at PBSE. In this episode, PBSE Co-Founder Steve Moore, goes “solo” and talks raw and real about how, in October, he celebrated 8 years of total sobriety from porn and sex addiction! Steve shares the incredible recovery lessons he’s learned along the way and HOW you can be SUCCESSFUL! Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services Here's an article with some practical tips on HOW to STOP watching porn—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a spouse's heart-felt description of the EXTREMELY traumatizing situation with her addict partner. Her words JUMPED out at Mark & Steve and they have a LOT to say to her and her partner!!!  Here are the words she sent in to PBSE—I have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 2 young children and I have been aware of my husbands addictive sexual behavior for several years. We have had many D days, a few breakdowns from both of us, broken promises, attempts at counseling with no consistency. The behavior seems to ebb and flow. It is typically pictures, videos, texts but has gotten physical in the past. He is now involved physically with someone, this was discovered by me. His initial reaction was that he is not able to feel ‘happiness’ , is always searching, and this physical relationship is a result of acting out via texting that grew to more. His words- he has been unable to end this relationship, yet he states he would like to keep our family intact, he loves me and is struggling.  He has not ended this affair, and I am broken pretending for my kids that all is well. I have listened to all of your podcasts. I know this is crazy that I am living this pretend life while he continues with this relationship. It is eating me alive. I understand addicts are powerless over their addictions, he has said many times he is unable to stop and how desperately he wishes to. How can I ‘accept’ this continued affair relationship until he gets good help, knowing he is ‘powerless’ at the same time. If he is truly addicted, then I understand he cannot stop on his own. I just cannot continue to pretend for my kids sake any longer. Thank you for everything you do.Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services Here's an article on "True Intimacy vs. Sex" in a Marriage Relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a very unfortunate, but all-too-common challenge for the partners of porn/sex addicts. Here's how a PBSE listener describes her extreme difficulty with this issue— I feel like I now understand, to a maybe uncomfortable degree, what’s going on in his head when we’re in public and an attractive girl is nearby.Y’all talk about “scanning a room” but, now I feel like I’m the one scanning! I obsessively scan every environment looking for the girls I know he’ll view that way, then I become crippled with anxiety when I see one. After that, I’m full of resentment that this is how I exist in the world now. I can’t even run basic errands, and it happens whether he’s with me or not. I feel like I can’t stop viewing the world around me through his eyes. What does it matter if I’m attractive, if he finds everyone else more attractive? How do I grow myself so that I don’t keep viewing the world through this lens?  I am an otherwise very confident person who knows who they are. His obsession with other girls is crippling for me, and as much as I can understand this addiction or understand it’s roots, I cannot seem to get past this. I have a personal therapist, and I’m working on building back my self confidence but it seems like I’m hitting a wall when it comes to shutting off this part of my brain that views the world now through “his” hyper sexualized lens. Thank you so much for any guidance you can provide. He and I are both so grateful for the work y’all do. You truly discuss this topic in a way that no one else does, and it really resonates. Your authenticity is palpable. Thank you!! - Mary Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services Here's an article on "True Intimacy vs. Sex" in a Marriage Relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Mark & Steve respond to a PBSE listener's questions about "polygraphs" and their role in Disclosure to a partner—Hi Mark & Steve, I am really enjoying your podcast, and have been in recovery for just over 9 months. I am listening to the podcast in order and am on episode 72, so forgive me if you have covered this topic. My question is regarding polygraphs. I have failed 2 of them and now my wife does not trust a thing I say. I admitted that the first one I took I was being dishonest because I wasn't ready to fully disclose all my past behavior, and felt rushed in the disclosure process. However I scrapped the barrel with my therapist, admitted to everything I could remember from my acting out years, and still failed a second time. I am now being 100% honest, but now my wife does not trust anything I say. It's not looking good for us because of this. I have heard from other men in recovery that they have experienced the same thing, they were truthful yet failed a polygraph. I wonder where you guys stand on this, and if you have any advice for me going forward. I really appreciate all you do. As someone who is not religious and a non believer, I am still able to connect with you guys via this podcast. Thanks.-  Why a polygraph?-  Is it true that polygraphs are not an exact science?- When considering a polygraph, it's important to identify the specific goals/expectations and realistically whether or not the polygraph can actually deliver these.-  In addition to taking a polygraph, what other actions should always be pursued/expected as progressive “evidence” of real change? Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article on "True Intimacy vs. Sex" in a Marriage Relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Mark & Steve address a very difficult and painful situation and questions submitted by a PBSE listener. Her spouse has engaged in sexual practices with her where she did NOT give her "consent" and definitely fall under the definition of  "abusive." How can you KNOW with certainty when certain sexual practices in your relationship are "safe" and when they cross the line into the "abusive"?   Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article on "True Intimacy vs. Sex" in a Marriage Relationship—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage  

I this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a spouse who sent in a CRAZY HARD situation she is facing! Her courage, authenticity and wisdom are very impressive!Hi Mark and Steve! First of all, I just want to say thank you so much for doing these podcasts. I am married for 19 yrs and we are together for 20. I am brand new to this scene. Just found out in the last 3 weeks that my husband has severe sex addiction including Voyeurism, porn addiction, infidelity, and intimacy issues. The only thing he has disclosed to me before heading out to a 2 week intensive retreat just last week was that he was connecting with other women through apps like kik and only talking with another woman. Since he’s been gone I’ve discovered so much more than he was willing to reveal initially. The lengths he has gone to cover up his addiction and infidelity is quite alarming. He has recently gone to the extreme of adopting a dog so he could use her as a cover when creating a “dog” Instagram account and connecting with women through that. He clearly is excellent at lying and manipulating. I think he believes when he returns that he will be staying in our home. However, I will be asking him to live with an extended family member until he can prove that he is trustworthy. My questions for you guys are: -  Have you found that most men come completely clean after going to an intensive retreat for sex addicts? Is it best to do a 3 day intensive disclosure or a 3 month disclosure? I am more of a rip the bandaid off kind of gal so we can then heal already. -  Also, what are the signs I should be looking for to have confirmation that he’s staying away from the porn, cheating, and is committed to his healing and overcoming of his addiction? -  Lastly, should and how can I be holding him accountable without this becoming a full time job and driving myself crazy? Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video To learn more about HOW to overcome porn and sex addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

A PBSE listener sent in a very raw and vulnerable situation and question. Here's what she said— I've heard the term "sexual anorexia" and this describes [my husband] to a tee! I've been binging your podcast recently and it seems you guys are always talking about wives setting boundaries around not having sex until feeling safe, but I have the opposite issue. He never wants to have sex with me. He wants to be in a relationship but I don't think he sees me as a sexual person anymore. He's always trying to stay busy. Work is always an issue. He avoids any romantic situations. He doesn't touch me other than a quick kisses and a hug here and there in the morning and at night. We get along great. Live together and work from home, but no connection, no intimacy and no sex. Literally like friends/roommates. I guess I just feel left out because I listen and it seems to be always the sex starved man and they don't want to be denied sex, but what about the opposite side of the spectrum? I'm going to address our boundaries and therapy again as a last resort. This dear woman is right! There are more situations than people would think where it's the man in the relationship that is not interested in sex. In this episode, Mark and Steve address this very sensitive and often complex issue. Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video To learn more about HOW to overcome porn and sex addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

The Problem—- RECOVERY/HEALING NEVER WORKS IN A VACUUM!- Isolation, in all of its forms, decreases safety, encourages avoidance, feeds addiction and trauma responses, and deepens the issues for both the addict and the spouse. - For Addicts: you cannot put the load of your recovery on your spouse—it will hinder her healing.- For Spouses: the source of your trauma CANNOT be the sole source of your healing. He can’t support you in some ways and to varying degrees, no matter how much you or he may want to!The Solution—- Involving others in the struggle creates a commonality; helps to normalize the situation; provides a needed empathetic and healing space to be with others who “get it”—BECAUSE VERY FEW PEOPLE WILL!- A valuable resource for bouncing off ideas; venting negative emotions or toxicity; reducing reactivity; connecting with authenticity.- A practice arena for how to navigate intimate relationship challenges.In this episode, Mark and Steve also discuss HOW to build your support system.  Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesHere's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video To learn more about HOW to overcome porn and sex addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction