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PHIL: We’re not primarily writing about sex this week, but it’s a useful place to start. What are the odds that you and your sexual partner become aroused at the same time, say 8:00 PM on Friday? If arousal is … Our Relationship is Harmonious Because We Want it to Be That Way Read More »

Last week we celebrated our wedding anniversary by going up to Scotts Valley and visiting the Redwoods. We stayed in a great AirBnB set apart on a lovely big property in the woods and had a wonderful four days. On … Why You Benefit From Both Separation and Connection in Your Relationships Read More »

Each of us has a unique view of the world – our own. Our view includes our bodily sensations, our external senses and our life experience, from upbringing to education. Nobody else can understand completely what it is like to … Why it is Important to Understand Motivations in Our Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Touch a sea anemone in a rock pool and it will close up. With such a long history, it’s not surprising that touch communicates very deep and powerful messages. Of all our senses, it is the only one that … Why Touch Is Such an Important Factor in All Our Relationships Read More »

PHIL: The threefold crises of the pandemic, democratic collapse and global warming feel unprecedented, yet there were also earlier periods when people felt their world was irretrievably upended. From a diary of the time: “There’s no word I can start … Why You Need to Remain Flexible in a Time of Great Change Read More »

PHIL: Nearly every night Maude and I retire early, do the New York Times crossword, read out loud, watch Netflix and generally hang out together. We’ve come to call this time our Sacred Space – a time we spend away … Why You Should Take the Time and Attention to Honor Your Relationships Read More »

PHIL: Do you know that feeling of satisfaction that comes from working with someone on a project? It might be sweeping leaves or planning an event. Perhaps it’s cooking together or being on a sports team. Working with other people … Remember the Shared Purpose at the Heart of Your Relationship Read More »

PHIL: You’ve heard over and over how bad lying is in your relationship, but telling the truth can be hard. Society operates with social graces, inhibitions and taboos. Two big ones are money and sex: try asking a stranger what … Why You Need to Trust and Speak Your Truth in Relationships Read More »

Are you having disagreements that turn into arguments in your relationships? Are your different ideas about how to do things causing separation and distance between you and your partner, friend, relative? This can be changed! Disagreements come in different degrees. … How Mutual Solutions Help You to Solve Disagreements and Avoid Arguments Read More »

PHIL: We just watched a documentary on fungi and how the mycelium acts as connections, allowing a strong tree to supply nutrients to a weaker tree. Such mutuality is found everywhere. Bees need flowers just as much as flowers need … Support Peace in the World by Expanding Your Circle of Trust Read More »

Maude has been ill this week (though she is recovering well), so I’m taking the opportunity to go all existential on you. Last week, we wrote about Oprah Winfrey concluding that everybody wants to be seen, heard, and know that … Balance Being As Well As Doing For Peace In Your Relationships Read More »

Since early in the pandemic, we have been participating in a weekly zoom gathering where there are live talks on a huge variety of uplifting topics. Occasionally we watch an inspiring video. This week we watched one from Oprah Winfrey … You Honor Your Relationships When You Listen With Your Heart Read More »

What do I want to tell you about relationships? I could rework what other people have written, whether the five love languages or the parent-adult-child model of transactional analysis, but what I truly know is at the level of learned … Total Acceptance From the Heart is How You Create Peace in Your Relationship Read More »

A friend of mine was living with a man who traveled regularly for work. Whenever he returned home, there was a strange disconnect in the air for a day or so. It was only after they separated that she discovered … You Need to Accept Each Other and Look for Values Without Projections Read More »

MAUDE: In all our relationships, it’s important that we support each other, but how we do that is just as essential. When my son was a toddler, my husband and I were walking on the pier with him. He slipped … How Can You Best Be Supportive and Help Other People? Read More »

PHIL: We live in two worlds. One is our life together. Each evening we retire early to watch Netflix, do the New York Times crossword, play word games and chill. We call this our sacred space. Each week we write … How to Honor Both Closeness and Space in Your Relationship Read More »

Some weeks we sit down to write the blog and it just appears in front of us; all we have to do is find the right words. And some weeks, nothing appears; we plumb the depths of our relationship as … Do You Want to Have Peace at the Heart of Your Relationships? Read More »

MAUDE: Phil and I were sharing over dinner the other night and found ourselves discussing what it means to speak your truth, and how you find your way to that truth. I was telling him about some challenges I was … Why it is Important to Speak Your Truth in Relationships Read More »

Santa Barbara has moved into the Yellow Zone. We’re fully vaccinated and in the midst of a lovely and hectic flurry of meeting up with people as we all emerge from the pandemic. It has been wonderful seeing people we … Can We Make All Our Relationships New and Fresh As We Emerge From Lockdown? Read More »

PHIL: Language is an ax that divides the world. Take any word – tree, timidity, travel – and we can say what it does and doesn’t apply to. There will be fuzziness at the edges, but the effect is to … You Need to Honor the Connection at the Heart of all Relationships Read More »